Bless God

Pursuit of Pleasure

2012-01-26T05:58:00.000-08:00

I have recently learned how (to at least) establish or acknowledge guidelines in learning how to truly enjoy pleasures in this life. I think this is vital, for we can so easily take what God has so freely given us and abuse it to the point that we unwittingly abuse others around us. We can also become an "Eeyore" Christian and others see us as people who do not know the meaning of fun! We are going to travel down the road in learning boundaries and what to look for as we learn to truly enjoy God given pleasures. We must remember that all pleasures were God's idea first and those pleasures include sex, food, luxuries, friendships, conversations, all things that bring us joy.

Judges 7, Gideon was instructed by God to select his army. God knew that it was too big so He told him to bring his warriors to a river so they could drink. "Keep ones who kneel to drink water from their hands." 300 men were all that Gideon has to go into battle with. These men drank with their heads up keeping their eyes aware of their surroundings. (Really must read the scripture to really be able to see it yourself, Judges 6:33-7:8).

With these verses in mind we come to point #1. "Anything that refreshes you without distracting you from, diminishing, or destroying your final goal is a legitimate pleasure...point within that goal: You first have to draw out what your final goal is. If you never draw out what your purpose is, you will never know what will refresh you along the way. Problem with pleasure today, most of us have not drawn out a final purpose in life. Once you have established that then you know what can distract, diminish, or destroy you along the way," (RZ).

What is your final goal in life. Really it does not have to be that big... What is your goal in the stage you are in right now? If you are a college student, is your goal to finish school, to retain the knowledge you are given? If you are a mother, what is your goal? A father, what is your goal? What is your goal within your business? While you are establishing your goal there is a catch. Your goal needs to be wrapped around one main theme: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’"

In seeing now your goal and what must be the main theme within that goal, now it is time to define sin. “Whatever weakens your reasoning, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, or takes away your relish for spiritual things. In short, if anything increases the authority and power of the flesh over the spirit, then that to you becomes sin, however good it is in itself," (Susanna Wesley) Sin is that thing that comes in and separates you from your goals and from God, the One who wants the best for your life. Stop and really reflect on that, then go on to point number two.

In 2 Samuel 23, David, weary from battle, longs for a simple drink from his well in Bethlehem. His best men sneak behind enemy lines and bring him that drink. He is first elated about a taste of his own water then looks at his men and decides that their lives are worth more and they should have never risked their lives for his refreshment.

Point #2: "Any pleasure that jeopardizes the sacred right of another, is an illicit pleasure for you," (RZ).

I could go into so many examples for this one, but I will let you think of the things that you have done in your own life that were not really a big deal for you, but what about those whom you influence, those who were with you. Think about how that could affect them.

Short and simple, point #3: Proverbs 25:16, “If you find honey, eat just enough— too much of it, and you will vomit.” "Any pleasure , however good, if not kept in balance will distort reality or destroy your appetite," (RZ).

We all must look at these tree main points, keeping the main goal in mind, then we will learn how to truly enjoy this life. There are boundaries that we must keep, for if we do not, we will come to the point of that pleasure and want to vomit. This lesson is more for me than I care to really admit. I have lived this life without boundaries. I have tried this life with rules that were not attached to heart. Really all that matters is the fact that I keep my eyes upon this goal, ("'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’") and learn to walk in a way that leads others in the direction of true pleasure as well.

1 Corinthians 9:24-27, “Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing. I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified.”

Enjoying the Ride

2012-01-11T05:18:00.000-08:00

Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

I was watching a car pass by my house the other day and noticed the dog in the back seat who was looking right at me. Neither the driver nor the front seat passenger looked in my direction, but the dog looked right at me. The people up front were busy watching the road and looking at where they were going, but the dog was looking at the scenery and looked right at me. This got me thinking. I started thinking of the children who ride in our cars and what they see differently from us. For the view from the back seat is totally different from the front seat. We like the front seat better for the view seems bigger with that wide open front windshield helping your sight, but so often whether we are the driver or the passenger, the ones in the front are focused so much on what is in front of them, the next turn, the bend in the road, whatever it may be that those people miss the fine details. It can be that our children are the ones with the really great seat for they are forced to focus on the ride rather than the final destination.

Roads we have traveled, roads we have gone on where we either insisted on being the driver, opted to be the passenger, or feel were were forced to sit in the back seat, these are all a part of our life and all too often we feel we have taken the wrong road and can never get back to where we were supposed to go. Our travel plans that God once had for us have been changed and the “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future,” those plans now have to be rewritten. We seem to think of God as having this ideal situation for us, but oops she really blew it this time and now He has to rewrite our future He has for us all over again. But something has recently hit me, “Not that I have already obtained all this...I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it..." but I think His plan that He had for me, this ride that I am now on, this life that I now live, I think this was all part of His plan. Don't get me wrong! God did not choose for me to live in sin the way that I did. He did not choose for any of those bad/horrible/outlandish things to happen. They were my choices and I have to live with the consequences of those choices, but I think He always had the map! I think He knew were I was going and where I would pass by. I have to thank God that when my suffering within my sin, when I had had enough, He was there to show me the road. Not a path that had been diverted, but a path waiting for me.

Let me try and paint this picture and explain: When Jason was little he used to come up here to go camping with his family. On his journey, being the passenger in the back seat, his view was different than that of his parents. Children look around and have landmarks that tell them where they are, something familiar to give them a reference point. One of those landmarks that he looked for was an Aspen tree with the initials JS carved in it. For years he would look for that tree and when he would see it he would say to himself, "Almost there!" What he and I both discovered years later was, that tree was my tree. JS was me! My daddy had carved my initials in my tree when I was a very young girl. Jason always looked with great expectation for my tree for that told him that his trip, his final destination was just around the corner. My tree remained in our lives until right before we got married. The road was widened and the tree was torn down. I have to believe that it was because we were finally together and the landmark for that part of our journey was no longer needed.

Now this is not a note on how to land a husband and this is what our whole journey in life needs to be about "finding our soul mate." No, I think God had a much bigger picture! He just allowed me to see that maybe I didn't need to look at all the awful things I had done and think, "Well if I had chosen a different path, maybe this or that would have been different." He allowed me to see that He is in charge and He knew what path I would take and now I am just focused on the right leader to take me there. I am waiting for my Father's nod to tell me where to go. I am allowing Him to hold the map, even if I think I have a better idea. The path has not changed! I am just willing to listen as we travel and my pain is not so severe.

Philippians 3:13, “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

It is not really about forgetting our past. It is all about not regretting it so much! I have my memories. My body suffers from the abuse. This does not hold be back, "I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” The prize, the final goal, is a relationship with Christ! This is what it is all about. The closer we become, the more I can hear Him, (Even in those moments where I cannot hear Him, but He wants me to take that next step in faith with me knowing He is close by) the relationship we have together is my greatest desire and the reason I make time for Him... Even if that time is only to tell Him, "Thank You for the sounds of the singing birds." This journey is to have relationships. Our memory is to thank God for the Cross, for I know who I am without Him.

“When we share the point of disturbance we are telling people it is the grace of Christ that is offered to you to rescue you from a life of self destruction.” (RZ)

Changing DNA

2011-12-12T05:15:00.000-08:00

The birth of Jesus is one of the main targets for the season. We celebrate His birth. We give gifts. The churches actually fill up and we see people who usually are never there suddenly walking in to give homage to Christ. This is a season of joy for most and a time to spend with others, but it is also a season of questions. One of those questions is something that Larry King had addressed to him on his TV show one night. The questioner asked him, "If you could interview one person across history who would it be and why?" Larry looked at him and without pause said, "Jesus Christ, and if He truly was virgin born. The answer to that would answer every question in life for me."

I have had this question brought to me in an awkward moment by an acupuncturist I once saw. As I was laying on the table receiving my treatment for my MS, she looked at me and said, "Do you really believe that Jesus was born from a virgin?" How do you really dive into such an enormous subject while you are pinned down? It is not just a question asked by those who do not believe, but it is a question that every believer must wrestle with as well. It is a question that actually weaves itself within all of scripture and it is an answer that deals within all of us as we travel with our faith in how we live out our life.

Lets start with the first obvious question, "Was Jesus truly virgin born?" The question is actually, "Was Jesus God?" John 1, "In the beginning the Word already existed. The Word was with God, and the Word was God. He existed in the beginning with God. God created everything through Him, and nothing was created except through Him. The Word gave life to everything that was created, and His life brought light to everyone. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it."

I do not have enough space to really go into everything, but lets assume that we all agree that there is an Intelligent Creator. And lets assume that we all agree that this Intelligent Creator is God and He is the one that Christ clammed to be. So if Jesus is really who He said He was, "God", then why would it be so outrageous to assume that the one who gave nature its laws and ordered the cells within to have intelligence, why is it so hard to grasp the virgin birth? Maybe it is not really the virgin birth at all, but another question all together. Maybe the true question is really all about "me". Maybe the true question is, "What does this say about who I am? And if it really is true, how would I ever be able to live up to the standards that I think the bible sets in front of me?"

Now this is where things get cool. There are some things that we do in which we really do not know why we do them. We all struggle with something that we wonder, "Why do I struggle with this when it seems my friends do not?" It seems to be in our DNA, how we are made up. Our struggles seem to be something that we are born with. Now we turn to the virgin birth. The virgin birth is a change in DNA and how it runs within its laws. If Christ was born because of the change of DNA, how much more awesome are His words, “I tell you the truth, unless you are born again, you cannot see the Kingdom of God.”... “I assure you, no one can enter the Kingdom of God without being born of water and the Spirit. Humans can reproduce only human life, but the Holy Spirit gives birth to spiritual life. So don’t be surprised when I say, ‘You must be born again.’"

"Christ did not come into this world to make bad people good. He came to so that the dead could live," (RZ). He came to give us a new life. A life that we could never manufacture on our own. He came so that He could change our DNA. If we learn to change our focus, He changes our hearts. He changes our desires, by changing what our DNA says we must do and what we assume we have no control over. It is all a supernatural transformation that only the Christian faith provides. All other religions say that we must pull ourselves up, all by our self. It is only in Christ that we are given a supernatural transformation and our lives are drastically changed.

“Richard Dawkins has gone the root of saying, 'there is no such thing as good or evil. It is ultimately all of us dancing to our DNA.' … Its all in our DNA. Its all in our DNA..." When we hear statements like this, we have hope. "You must be born again." Our challenge is in allowing Christ to change our DNA. If we truly turn to Him and start changing our focus, we start to love Him. And when we start to love Him, we start to obey Him. It is not about living out this life so that we no longer have any fun and we become rule keepers. It is all about learning to live free from the prison of our DNA.

“It is a trap to presume that God wants to make us perfect specimens of what He can do— God’s purpose is to make us one with Himself. The emphasis of holiness movements tends to be that God is producing specimens of holiness to put in His museum. If you accept this concept of personal holiness, your life’s determined purpose will not be for God, but for what you call the evidence of God in your life...” (Oswald Chambers)

Allow Him to change your DNA, by changing your life focus. We do this by following His words, "You must be born again."

Mary and Martha

2011-12-01T04:57:00.000-08:00

Luke 10:38-42, "As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

I once heard Beth Moore teach a lesson on this passage. What I remember has always stood out to me so I will now try and expand. In this passage we will only be looking at Mary, we will look at Martha in another verse.
Jesus stayed with a woman named Martha, and her sister called Mary. Here one sister is named and the other sister is called. If Mary was "called" maybe her real name was something else. What does the name Mary root from and why would she be called Mary?

Mary stems from the name Miriam or Mara. These names in the bible represent rebellion, disobedience, or bitterness. Example, Ruth 1:20, “But she said to them: Call me not Noemi, (that is, beautiful,) but call me Mara, (that is, bitter,)”

What if Mary had been rebellious, disobedient, or filled with bitterness. What if she just needed to sit with Jesus because she was so broken that she could not help her sister right now. Maybe there was nothing wrong with Martha's heart and what she was doing. Maybe she was right where she needed to be because her heart was not broken. Mary may have had a broken heart and the ones with the broken hearts need to kneel at the feet of God until they find their healing with their Savior.

Another passage, John 11:17-37. In this passage Lazarus, Martha and Mary's brother, had been dead for 4 days. "When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home. 'Lord,' Martha said to Jesus, 'if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.'” After a conversation with Jesus she answered Him, “Yes, Lord, I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, who is to come into the world.”

With these passages I see Martha as the one who is strong in faith and who has a strong heart. She is the one who is not broken, but meets Jesus in her pain of loss and says, "But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask." She had a "but" in her meeting with Jesus, one that Mary did not have. When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went to Him. Mary stayed at home until she heard that He was specifically asking for her. When Martha arrived, she had a "but" in her plea of pain. "I am hurting Lord, but I know even now God will give You whatever you ask for. You are the Messiah. You are God."

I absolutely love the twists and turns that the bible can take. So often we hear of the story of Martha as a woman with her priorities out of line with what was really important, but maybe she was a woman strong with her faith. Maybe she was a woman who knew who Jesus was and had a wonderful relationship with Him. Maybe it is like when your good friend comes over and you are always with them, you often do not stop everything and sit and visit. You still wash the dishes while you visit. But if someone comes over who you do not see often, you stop what you are doing and sit and give them your undivided attention. What if Mary was rebellion, disobedience, and bitterness. What if she was a woman who had a sordid past. Maybe that is why Jesus did not make her get up. Maybe that is why He said that He would not take this time away from her. For when you are hurt, you cannot get up and work. Sometimes you just need to sit and soak. You need to be able to sit at your Saviors feet and just allow Him to speak into your broken heart. Maybe where Martha went wrong is that she was not looking at where Mary had come from. Maybe she was only seeing where her relationship with Jesus was. For later we see that she was the one who was strong in faith and knew the strength of her Lord.

Whenever I now hear the story of Mary and Martha, I immediately go back to my own time of being the woman called Mara, the woman of rebellion, disobedience, and bitterness. I hear this and see a woman broken and needing to sit at her Savior's feet and just soak. But I do not want to remain that woman. I want to be in a strong relationship with my Lord so that now I can be the one to go and do as He has done for me. John 13:14, “And since I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash each others feet.” I am loving my time as Martha. But when my time of being called Mary comes again, as often it does in this world, I pray I can give myself enough grace to be able to sit again at His feet and soak. Our needs will differ on our journey. Our time of pain and suffering comes. Can we see when it is time to sit? Can we allow others their time? When it is time to get up, because now we are strong, can we wash others as Christ has washed us? Who are you? What is your name? Is it your name, or are you called mara? Can you find peace in the place where God has you right now? When pain comes again for me am I going to be able to greet Him in my pain with an all important "but".

Go and Sin No More

2011-11-21T05:57:00.000-08:00

John 8:4-11, “'Teacher,' they said to Jesus, 'this woman was caught in the act of adultery. The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?'
They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, 'All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone! Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust.
When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman,'Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?'
'No, Lord,' she said.
And Jesus said, 'Neither do I. Go and sin no more.'”

There are so many lessons/questions that come from this short passage, but I will only focus on one. "Go and sin no more." Jesus did not condemn the woman. He did not throw any stones, nor did he prevent others from throwing any stones themselves. He diverted their attention away from her, toward themselves, but He did not say they couldn't kill her. After the crowds attention was taken off of her and it was only her with Jesus, He looked at her and said, "'Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?'
'No, Lord,' she said. And Jesus said, 'Neither do I. Go and sin no more.'”

If we have a God who is just, a God who hates sin, a God who is fair, shouldn't there be a price for sin? In every religion of the world (and yes, atheism is a religion too), in every religion there is some kind of penance. You have to do something in order to earn your pardon. In every religion of the world your pardon is based upon your works. In every religion except Christianity that is. Our pardon is based fully upon the Cross. It is through the Cross of Christ that our debt was paid. Every bit of God's judgement against humanity was felt upon the Cross. Our Lord, because He is a God of love, came down and felt the full effect of our sin on the Cross and now because of the Cross, "Because I live, you also will live." (John 14:19)

This woman did not have to pay her debt by stoning, because Jesus stood in her place and defended her. He did not condone what she had done. He finished His conversation with her by saying, "Go and sin no more." He did not say, "Go and continue on in how you are living." He said, "Go and sin no more." Why?

There are so many reasons to the, why?: (14:23), “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and We will come to them and make Our home with them. Anyone who does not love Me will not obey My teaching. These words you hear are not My own; they belong to the Father who sent Me." This is one reason, it shows that you love your Lord. But all too often people need something in the physical. This is the physical, so much pain comes in this life because of sin. "Go and sin no more." He has already paid the price, so why not? One reason, other people judge us. When something bad happens because of our sin, too many times, people are standing there with stones in hand saying, "well they are getting what they deserve. Its karma. They dug their grave, now they can dig themselves out."

It is only the passion of the Cross of Christ where we find our freedom. It is only in seeing the full effects of our sin being nailed upon that Cross that we can "go and sin no more." It is through the Cross where we can find the strength to allow Christ to change who we are and to start living a truly different life. Sin is the breaking of His Moral Law and with that law there are consequences here in this life that we must pay for our sin. The woman felt the sting of her sin when she was dragged out in front of everyone and made to feel the lesser. When we sin, we feel the consequences, but the Cross allows us to see the end, and the end is life. This is why Jesus answered her with, "Go and sin no more." He does not want us to continually feel the sting. He wants our life to change so that we can find the freedom of living. We cannot earn our forgiveness. Consequences are just an effect. An effect He does not want us to suffer. That is why He says, "Go and sin no more." Stop causing yourself pain. I paid the price, now learn how to live free.

Cause and Effect, God's Moral Law in action

2011-11-17T04:53:00.000-08:00

There are so many ways in which we get hurt. All to often, we are the cause of that hurt, a self inflicted hurt, a hurt within. God has placed within all of us a Moral Law. When we are young that law is often seen through the teachings of our parents. We seem to think that it is not a law of love, but someone else rules that keep us bound and restricted. So when we venture out on our own we try to prove those rules wrong. We think we can make our own rules and live free. But what we do not realize is that the Moral Law is like gravity, and we are not trying to just prove our parents wrong, but we are trying to defeat the laws of gravity. We are changing our clothes, putting on a cape and climbing to the top of a large building, looking out upon the world and believing that we can fly. We stretch out our arms and jump. What we discover is that really we proved gravity right and only broke ourselves in the process. This is the Moral Law we see before us. There are certain rules within life and when we venture outside those rules we are broken in the process. All too often we also break others during our fall. For really, we do not just hurt ourselves, but others feel our effects as well

I see this over and over. I have done this myself. Our society has been training us to believe that all truth is relative and that what happened to that person has nothing to do with us. So we venture out and try to fly, each one of us, but all that we are really doing is proving that Truth and breaking ourselves. But we do not stop there. We discover "that" pain, which inevitably has to come after a fall. We feel the pain. The problem is that we do not see the source of the pain, but only feels its effect. We continue to believe that we can still dance in the dark without a great fall.

One example in my own life was sexual sin. I was molested as a child, then date raped as a teen. Those people responsible for my hurt were themselves discovering God's Moral Law. They were breaking that law that was meant to protect the innocent. Throughout my life I kept thinking that I could stop the pain by turning to my boyfriend and letting him rescue me. I kept thinking that, "this time it will be different. This time I will not get hurt, but will fill that void within me." Every time I proved that Moral Law while I was breaking myself in the process. We do this. We turn to the one delivering the painful blows in order to find comfort.

Stalin, he was a man known for his torture and murder of millions of people. What is little known about him is this story: One day someone asked him, "How do you expect your people to follow you if you are hurting them all of the time."
Stalin looked at the man and said, "Bring me a chicken." He took the chicken and proceeded to pull out each feather until the chicken was completely nude. The agony inflicted was horrific, but after the chicken had no more feathers to pluck, he put it on the ground walked away and grabbed some food in his hands. He bent down and called for the chicken. The chicken, shivering and stumbling, went over to him and began eating. After it finished the little grain Stalin had in his hands, the chicken cold and hurting snuggled up next to Stalin for warmth and comfort. Stalin looked up at his questioner and said, "People are like this chicken. You inflict them with enough pain they will follow you for the rest of their life."

We are like that chicken. We set out to disprove God's Moral Law, we get stripped and tortured, but instead of running to God and away from that which is causing the pain, we keep turning to the source of that pain for comfort. The alcoholic keeps turning to alcohol. They know that they should not have been drunk, but they do not realize that it was the alcohol that brought them the pain. They think they can control it. The woman who feels the sting and emptiness of sex before marriage, she does not stop having sex. She somehow thinks that she should have just done it a little different and this time she can defeat the laws of nature. The man who is fired from his job because of time spent looking at pornography on his computer, still turns to porn today. Over and over, we all do it. We feel the effects of the pain, but we do not dive down deep enough to really see the cause. We still see Jesus as a rule maker who is only trying to keep us bound and controlled.

Luke 13:34, “O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones God’s messengers! How often I have wanted to gather your children together as a hen protects her chicks beneath her wings, but you wouldn’t let me. And now, look, your house is abandoned. And you will never see me again until you say, ‘Blessings on the one who comes in the name of the Lord!’”

Oh how He wants to protect us, not to control us. May we pray this prayer, “Our Mother Hen, who art brooding over us, hallowed be thy sheltering wings … Forgive our unwillingness to come into your embrace.”

Jesus-- Leaning near, listening, watching, thinking about me; covering, protecting, providing for and guiding me, even when I am reluctant to accept these forms of love, unable to believe a Love like this is wrapped all around me, all the time. May we stop running to our assailant and turn instead to the One who wants us to learn to fly under His sheltering wing. He wants us to learn to sing and dance. He wants us to learn the true joy in living free with Him...

Can Man Live Without God

2011-10-22T05:45:00.000-07:00

The other day I was walking out of Barnes and Noble book store with excitement in my heart while my hands were holding my new book. My sweet friend, whom I admire very much and I look to her for guidance often, asked me, "What did you get?" I took my precious new book out of the little white bag they had just placed my new treasure in and she read the title out loud, "Can Man Live Without God". With love in her eyes she proceeded to tell me a story and it goes something like this:

There were these two friends that were on the US diving team competing against one another, but practicing together. During their training time, they become very close friends with very different beliefs. One was an atheist and the other a Christian. Their time of training was drawing to a close for the trials were going to start soon. The Christian was not feeling very well one day and decided that it was time to take a break from practice, just this once. As his friend was headed out of the door he stopped him and said, "You know you should just give praying a chance. You never know how this can change your life." As the atheist was entering the training facility, he noticed that the lights were off. Very unusual, but he thought it may be nice for the facility had sky lights that would show nicely on the pool. As he began his climb to the top of the highest diving board, his friend's words were resounding in his mind, "pray". He stopped at the end of the board and decided that instead of immediately turning around, he would for once bend over and try out this praying thing. As he did, he noticed that the pool did not look right. It was empty!

She drew her story to a close with these words, "Had he not stopped to pray he would have dived into an empty pool." With that my friend nodded her head, turned and started to walk toward her car. The conversation was over, but my questions remained unanswered. And with that, I held on tighter to my new book, for I knew I would find some answers here.

In the very first chapter Ravi Zacharias addresses this kind of answer we as Christians give to very deep and complex questions. Have you ever been asked a very deep question like, "Can man live with out God?" I have. What do I say? Do I give them a swimming pool answer that is, in Ravi's words, "quite frankly, superficial and simple." I need real answers to real questions, and this is where my new found book has given me more strength.

There are three levels of philosophy- logic, the arts, and table talk. We need to be able to "Argue at level one, illustrate at level two, and apply at level three. The reasoning process provides the foundation, the arts the infrastructure and illustration, and the kitchen table the superstructure and application."

Learning how to communicate within our culture is a must. There is no way I can give you the information that you need within this very short blog, but if you want to be able to give real answers instead of swimming pool solutions, please get it. I will end with one paragraph within the book. Within this one statement are many deep questions, but within the book you find the answers:

"The issue, then, is not whether the belief system you espouse-- monotheistic, atheistic, pantheistic, or otherwise-- is exclusive. The issue is whether the answers to the four basic questions of life pertaining to origin, meaning, morality, and destiny within the context of each of these worldviews meet the tests of truth. Are they logically consistent, are they empirically adequate, and are they experientially relevant? Do they meet the test of unaffirmability and undeniability? The answers to life's four questions must in each instance correspond to reality, and the sum of the answers must cohere as a system."

I want to have meaningful conversations with others around me. 1 Peter 3:15-17, "And if someone asks about your Christian hope, always be ready to explain it. But do this in a gentle and respectful way. Keep your conscience clear. Then if people speak against you, they will be ashamed when they see what a good life you live because you belong to Christ. Remember, it is better to suffer for doing good, if that is what God wants, than to suffer for doing wrong!" I do not want to suffer because I was not able to give a defense for the hope I have in Christ. I highly recommend this book!
Can Man Live Without God by Ravi Zacharias

A Moment in Time

2011-10-13T05:03:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered how your attitude affects how others see you? We have a tendency to "play off" who we really are. We make excuses for how we act. We think, "That is not who I am. Yes, I did that, but I was under a lot of stress that day." The problem is not that we have one bad day, a moment in time where we lost it. The truth of the problem surfaces when we can take a good look at our life and see that "it" occurs everyday and "it" really is not a moment type situation, but a life of having the wrong attitude. A moment in time, every day, when we follow the pounding of our heart. A moment in time, every day, where if we could see what others are seeing, we would be appalled.

I looked up attitude in the index of my bible and I was kind of surprised to read what it referenced. I was expecting to see things like complaining, happy... you know those emotional type descriptions. While those were there, those descriptions were few. What it referenced most were topics dealing with how we act. What do we do? What are our hearts desires? Do we practice what we preach? Do your actions reflect the things of the world or of Christ?

This got me thinking. How do others really see me? Most importantly, how does my family see me? I may be able to put on an act in public, but no one can put on an act all of the time. This is how I must evaluate my attitude, my hearts desires. I must look at my action through my families eyes. How do I talk to my husband? How do I talk/treat my children? I think this is where many "pastors" loose their children. They speak one thing, but in their homes, they forget to practice what they preach.

1 Corinthians 10:33, "I, too, try to please everyone in everything I do. I don’t just do what is best for me; I do what is best for others so that many may be saved." This is not talking about being a "people pleaser". This is about holding to your beliefs, what you say you believe, so that when others see you they can see you walking with Christ and living a truly changed life. We do not go on vacation and forget what is truly important. You've heard the saying, "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." I've got news for you. It does not. You cannot just leave your life, change your surroundings for a moment, and change who you are. If you can do that, maybe who you really are is that person you become when you think no one can see you. That is the hardest part of me that I have ever had to deal with. Who is the real me? And can I change the real me and still be real?

Matthew 15:8-9, "These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship is a farce, for they teach man-made ideas as commands from God." The real me is a follower of Christ. I worship Him in my daily living. I worship Him when I am on vacation. I cannot just put aside my true beliefs in a moment of passion. I must evaluate who I am on a daily basis. I am not perfect, but I strive to be like Christ. In order to live a changed life, am I following through with what I know is right?

How do others see me? When others see you, do they see you continually fighting? Do you think you are just having a bad day, or is it really who you are because everyday seems to find you in the same mood? If we are living continually in chaos, maybe it really is not our surroundings, or someone else. Maybe it is us. For wherever we go, there we are. It is not about who I used to be. I cannot buy that lie. It is Who He is. It is about changing who I used to be, to who I am in Him. Being born again, being saved, is a moment in time. Becoming like Christ is a life long process.

Shame No More

2011-09-28T05:06:00.000-07:00

How do you make those things that are hidden in your heart no longer places of shame. Some of those places were not your fault at all. Someone else did something to you and for some reason, shame took over. Sometimes we are the cause of those dark corners that we turn to, because we believe that if we ever revealed that place, everyone would know who we really are. It is that place in our own heart that scares us the most and it is that place that keeps us bound to the shame that holds us back.

For those who live in shames dark shadow it is often a place of sorrow. A place hidden within us because of something someone else did to us! But, somehow we take what should be their shame and place that upon our own hearts. From that time on, we live in fear and cower to the shame that we place on our own hearts. It is a tool the enemy uses well, for he knows that it was not our fault and yet we take the burden of that guilt and let it create a place within us that keeps us trapped in the darkness of a house without windows. A dark place that we somehow believe will protect us. A dark place where nothing green will ever grow. This is my prayer for you, as it was for me. For I did not know how to walk into any room with my head held high. My darkness of shame was overwhelming. This is for you who have been defiled by someone else...

"O Lord, I give my life to you. I trust in you, my God! Turn to me and have mercy, for I am alone and in deep distress. My problems go from bad to worse. Oh, save me from them all! Feel my pain and see my trouble. See how many enemies I have and how viciously they hate me! Protect me! Rescue my life from them! Do not let me be disgraced, for in you I take refuge. Do not let me be disgraced, or let my enemies rejoice in my defeat. No one who trusts in you will ever be disgraced, but disgrace comes to those who try to deceive others. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you." (Psalm 25)

Then for those dark places within our own hearts that hold us captive, these places were brought on our-self. These places we hope no one ever knows, because these places were our choice. I cannot even begin to grasp the destructiveness of my own choices and what those choices did to myself and to others that I came in contact with. Many of these choices were things that I did because of the wounds that someone else gave me, but at some point I have to step up and take responsibility for my own life. I cannot live in the dark shadow that being a victim brings. At some point I have to look at what I choose to do. This part of the prayer covers those dark places...

"Remember, O Lord, your compassion and unfailing love, which you have shown from long ages past. Do not remember the rebellious sins of my youth. Remember me in the light of your unfailing love, for you are merciful, O Lord. The Lord is good and does what is right; he shows the proper path to those who go astray. He leads the humble in doing right, teaching them his way. For the honor of your name, O Lord, forgive my many, many sins..." (Psalm 25)

God gives us a time of healing. A time to just sit with Him, so that we can see those dark places through His eyes. If we never allow others to see into our heart, those dark places can become a home with boarded up windows. A home that will eventually become our grave. If we are continually placing boards over the windows of our home, eventually no light shines and we cannot navigate freely. We become blind in our own home. Eventually there will be no life there at all. But, if we will truly allow God to shine His light on those places we want to keep hidden, eventually we will learn to live in a glass house. A house where there are not even any curtains on the windows. A house that allows ourselves, and others, to see in freely. A house that is surrounded by greenery. This is the house that I now choose to live in. It is a wonderful house where all are safe. A house where the light lives.

"O Lord, I give my life to you. I trust in you, my God! Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you. Remember, O Lord, your compassion and unfailing love, which you have shown from long ages past. The Lord is good and does what is right; he shows the proper path to those who go astray. He leads the humble in doing right, teaching them his way. The Lord leads with unfailing love and faithfulness all who keep his covenant and obey his demands. The Lord is a friend to those who fear him. He teaches them his covenant. My eyes are always on the Lord, for he rescues me from the traps of my enemies. May integrity and honesty protect me, for I put my hope in you." (Psalm 25)

(Click on the title.)

Worth

2011-09-15T05:01:00.000-07:00

Deepak Chopra, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, “On the material level, both you and a tree are made up of the same recycled elements. Mostly carbon, hydrogen, oxygen, nitrogen and other elements in minute amounts. You could buy these elements in a hardware store for a couple of dollars. The real difference between the two of you is between the energy and the information. Your body is not separated from the body of the universe. Because of the quantum mechanical levels, there are no well defined edges. You are like a wiggle, a wave, a fluctuation, a convolution, a whirlpool, a localized disturbance in the larger quantum field.”

So many people follow the Hindu, Buddhist, and New Age religions. In these religions, where is your worth? Where is your value? Chopra states very openly, "both you and a tree are made up of the same recycled elements... You are like a wiggle, a wave, a fluctuation, a convolution, a whirlpool, a localized disturbance..." Basically, you are nothing trying to reach nothingness. So this means that a no body made this statement. Everyone and everything is worthless.

In the teachings of the Christian religions the value and worth put upon you is priceless. You are more valuable than anything else. You, your body is worth more than anything else. 1 Corinthians 6:19, "Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself..” The emphasis is not put on your redemptive acts. Your goal is not to become a god. Your goal is not to die and have a thousand virgins at your disposal. You are the place that God chooses to make His temple. The creator of the universe chooses to make your body His dwelling place. And this is why it is such a tragedy when you choose to desecrate your body. Your body, YOU are the Temple.

So many people, I, have a tendency to see "sin". When we go into a church building, we hear about sin and how we are not living "up to" God's standards. But really this is not it. Everything in the Christian faith points to how valuable you are and when you "sin" you are using His temple as a market place instead of a place of worship. That is what it is all about.

What are you worth? How do you treat others? Do you treat them as the temple? Do you allow others to mistreat and abuse your temple?

I did not understand any of this until I started searching. I started reading the bible, begging God to reveal Himself to me. I read Psalms, then Proverbs, then the New Testament, then started the Old Testament. Everyday I begged God to allow me to hear Him. Everyday I just read words on a page with no meaning, no understanding... Nothing for a whole year. Then I read 1 Kings 6. Everything was so precise. This wall 7 1/2 feet long. That room 10 feet wide, with this in it, with that in it. Meticulous! Over and over... boring, boring. Until, it hit me! Why was this so important to know? Why was this still needed? So we can see how meticulously we are made. So we can see how valuable we are as the Living Temple.

John 2, "Then, going over to the people who sold doves, He (Jesus) told them, 'Get these things out of here. Stop turning my Father’s house into a marketplace!' Then His disciples remembered this prophecy from the Scriptures: 'Passion for God’s house will consume Me.'”

Why is it so important to take care of your body? Why is it so important to take care of others? We are God's house and His passion for us consumes Him! We are worth that much. We are that valuable. Jesus did not come into this world to make bad people good. He came so that the dead would live. Are we walking around treating ourselves with worth? Or are we walking around filling our house with death? We are not a wiggle, a wave, or a localized disturbance. We are the Temple of the Most High God. The questions are: Do we treat ourselves as being worth that much? Do we treat others the same?

Disappearing Self-Awareness

2011-08-20T06:05:00.000-07:00

Oswald Chambers, "Never allow anything to remain in your life that is causing the unrest. Think of every detail of your life that is causing the disintegration as something to fight against, not as something you should allow to remain. Ask the Lord to put awareness of Himself in you, and your self-awareness will disappear. Then He will be your all in all... If we try to overcome our self-awareness through any of our own commonsense methods, we will only serve to strengthen our self-awareness tremendously. Jesus says, “Come to Me . . . and I will give you rest,” that is, Christ-awareness will take the place of self-awareness. Wherever Jesus comes He establishes rest— the rest of the completion of activity in our lives that is never aware of itself."

I am part of a group of people who are starting a college outreach program. We will start in just a couple of days and I am one of the speakers. I want to do this. I like to speak about the changing power of Christ. I do not want to tell my story.... again. We had a practice time the other night and I had something prepared. Well actually, it was plagiarized from one of the talks given on Ravi Zacharias' web site. In this "run through" with my friends, what I had planned was shot down. My attempt was vetoed and my instructions were clear. "You are not authentic with this," they said. "You need to tell your story. They need to hear about your life."

I don't want to tell my story any more. Do you hear, I hate to look like a fool. I hate to admit my stupidity. I want to speak of the joy. The joy that I have is in my new life. The joy that I possess is in the now. But here I go again, telling of my sin. Anyway, I consented and accepted their advise. I had been feeling okay about all of it, until yesterday.

Through our business, I am part of three, who are the landlords of several rentals around town. Yesterday, I went around to several of my houses talking to our tenants. When I went to a house that had college students, I handed them one of our flyers and invited them to come to LIVE@WEBSTERHALL. After doing this, I felt sick. I literally felt like I was going to throw up. My focus was on myself and all that I could see was "fool". Self-awareness really set in and every bit of my focus was distorted. Through my insecurities and fear, all I could see was me. When this happens, which is often, I want to hide so that I do not have to look anyone in the eyes. All day yesterday, I was living in self-awareness. Last night I went to bed with me on my mind.

Bless God, Everyday is new. Today is a new day. Before I started reading this morning, I prayed to God that He would help me see. I prayed that He would give me the strength so that I could do this thing, for all I could see was me and I was beginning to drown. I opened my bible to the pages marked for today and my spirit was strengthened.

2 Samuel 6, "...But as the Ark of the Lord entered the City of David, Michal, the daughter of Saul, looked down from her window. When she saw King David leaping and dancing before the Lord, she was filled with contempt for him... David retorted to Michal, 'I was dancing before the Lord, who chose me above your father and all his family! He appointed me as the leader of Israel, the people of the Lord, so I celebrate before the Lord. Yes, and I am willing to look even more foolish than this, even to be humiliated in my own eyes! But those servant girls you mentioned will indeed think I am distinguished!'"

Oh, how I love the story of David. He made so many mistakes, but his heart was for his Lord. He was willing to look like a fool, for in his life he was dancing before his Lord. This morning I am strengthened. I can take my focus off of myself and dance before my God, through the story of His amazing grace that is told though my life experiences. Others may see me and have contempt for me, but that is okay. I know my call. I have been called to speak of His mercy, grace and redeeming power. How can others grasp this if I don't speak openly about my failures? I don't have to live in fear, for He is my guide. My story is once again going to be told to a new crowed. Others who are there, who have already heard my story, may look at me with contempt, but His story must be heard. I do not have the publishing rights on this story, He does. He can do with it what He wants. Through my story, His story is revealed. His love. His grace. His redemption. My story is the story of the Cross of Christ. All of our stories ultimately tell of His story, if we can take our focus and turn it to Him. Let the story begin.

Jesus Among Other Gods

2011-08-12T05:38:00.000-07:00

As I sit here this morning, I am in awe of my God. I am also scared to death about the new undertaking that we are watching develop. I am a house wife. I am a mom. I work for my husbands business. I am a cleaner of other peoples homes. I am a property maintenance coordinator. My plate is full and we are starting What! LIVE@WEBSTERHALL

The other day one of my college girls needed a ride to work. (I call them "my girls" for they are. They were just a little older than I originally planned.) I got her text about 6:15am and I was out the door and dropping her off by 6:30. Then I drove to Western and parked at one of the dorms that overlooked the practice field and student center. I sat there reading my book that a friend of mine gave me by, who else other than Ravi Zacharias, "Jesus Among Other Gods". As I read my beloved new book and looked out at the town, tears started to stream down my face. "What in the world am I doing? I feel so inadequate and unprepared." Then I took another look at the book I was holding in my hands, "Jesus Among Other Gods". What a more relevant book to be given at just the right time!

I am a woman of faith, but unlike some of my friends, faith has never come easy for me. There are two examples that Ravi (we are on a first name basis) speaks of in his book. I am like Moses. Not that I am even close to him, but he did keep asking for God to prove Himself. He needed that proof. Trust was not easy for him. "Repeatedly and protractedly, God pursued Moses until Moses understood that the God he served expected his trust and that He would prove Himself, both before and after the trust had been followed through. God gave him just enough, along his journey, to demonstrate who He was but saved the climatic proof for the end of Moses' journey of faith,"(pg 58). He saw the burning bush. He heard the voice of God. Then asked, "Are You sure? Maybe You don't really mean me. Right?"

Several of my friends are more like Abraham. They just have that faith. I cannot explain it. He says go and they do not stop until they hear Him scream! "Abraham is shown to us as one who so hungered after God that he was willing, with minimal outward proof, to leave his home and to build for posterity a community of faith in the living God. But even in his case, every step in is faith-building process was met with the affirmation of God," (pg 58).

My faith has always been a faith built upon questions. "Are you sure? Are You really the One? Who are You? Do you really exist? Who am I?" "God deals with both kinds of us, those of us who long for more evidence and those of us for whom a little evidence will do," (Again pg 58, so much in just one page). Together, we are stepping out in faith. It is not a blind faith. It is not a faith that is built on our own self-assurance. It is a faith that is built upon a God who has proven Himself to us, and through us.

"Only one who has known the bondage and enslavement of sin and the emptiness it brings can fully fathom the liberation of the cross and the glory of the resurrection- to hear His voice again. No wonder the world of Christian thought is so adorned with a wealth of music," (pg 187). I am inviting you to come and sing His praises with us every Tuesday night at 8pm for LIVE@WEBSTERHALL. We are venturing out on a journey of faith with the next generation at our side. We have questions. They have questions. We all know one thing, we all need and desire relationship. Come discover with us a new way to have an intimate relationship with the One who sacrificed it all. "God is personal, God is relational, and God sees in an eternal sense... He not only spoke, He also called them by their names," (pg 186). We do not know the climatic ending, but we are assured "in Him" it is going to be one great ride!

The Cost of the Compromise

2011-07-23T06:44:00.000-07:00

Judges, a time when the people should have been enjoying their Promised Land, but they were not. Why? They had dealt with the sin that was within. They saw what they were hiding and what they had been holding on to. Now they were living in their land, but they were still under much strife and there was still no rest. Why?

"Incomplete removal of evil often means disaster in the end." The people compromised with wickedness and they had to face that a compromise really means infiltration. Chapter 1, "But they failed to drive out the people living in the plains, who had iron chariots....The tribe of Benjamin, however, failed to drive out the Jebusites, who were living in Jerusalem.... The tribe of Manasseh failed to drive out the people living in Beth-shan." On and on, Israel failed to completely rid the land of the people who already lived there. "So what," you say. "Whats the big deal? Can't we all just live in peace?"

Wisdom is right by what results from it. Because of their failure to completely drive out the deeply rooted sin in the land, "They will be thorns in your sides, and their gods will be a constant temptation to you.” (2:3)

A compromise, because they were tired of fighting. A compromise, because they saw how powerful the people were and they were intimidated by them. A compromise that really was disobedience. So often we compromise on something that seems so small, but is really a very big deal. We cover it over with the illusion that it will not hurt us and we think we are really doing what is best for us. The truth is, we are settling and we are afraid to face the challenge of completely removing that sin from our land. The result is a spiritual, moral, decline that turns our heart away from the tenderness of God.

What happens when I surround myself with others who are tender to their families? I become tender and more patient with my own. What happens when I surround myself with others who love the LORD and who are truly seeking Him? Their fire helps mine burn hotter. The same goes for the reverse. Their love will infiltrate us, whatever that love is. The trick is being able to separate myself enough, so that I can keep the vision clear. If I can keep His will for my life in full view, then I can completely clear the land and live in peace. All too often, I compromise. I focus on my own past failures so much that I forget. I fail to hold others accountable and let their sin go on. Which in turn starts a cycle of complacency and disobedience in my own life. If I fail to clear the land around me of sin, this will always come back to haunt me and ultimately keep me in the cycle of sin, myself.

Oswald Chambers, "The most wonderful secret of living a holy life does not lie in imitating Jesus, but in letting the perfect qualities of Jesus exhibit themselves in my human flesh. Sanctification is 'Christ in you..." (Colossians 1:27)... Sanctification means the impartation of the holy qualities of Jesus Christ to me. It is the gift of His patience, love, holiness, faith, purity, and godliness that is exhibited in and through every sanctified soul... The perfection of everything is in Jesus Christ, and the mystery of sanctification is that all the perfect qualities of Jesus are at my disposal. Consequently, I slowly but surely begin to live a life of inexpressible order, soundness, and holiness— '...kept by the power of God...' (1 Peter 1:5)."

Who are we allowing to live in our land? How are they affecting us? Are we living a changed life through the power of Christ in us? Or are we being infected by those who are being allowed to live with us? If I stop and really think about it, I can see the truth. The hard part is the follow through once I have seen. The hard part is facing what seems so much stronger than I am. This is when I must turn to God and remember that it is He who will ultimately fight the fight for me, but He is waiting for me to trust and obey.

Be Strong and Courageous

2011-07-21T05:57:00.000-07:00

The battle begins. They are standing on the promised land, but they must fight to get it. The corruption and the idolatry in the land are great. The people who already live in the land sacrifice their own children to their gods and they prostitute themselves in their temples. The purging of the land is brutal. There must be no remnants, of what use to be. They must get rid of everything in order to live peacefully in their promised land. But as in any battle there were some obstacles within that stood in their way.

"We are never closer to defeat than in our moments of our greatest victories." Jericho's mighty walls collapsed under the mightier hand of God. Their first victory was a slaughter. Ai, an easy second battle. "There’s no need for all of us to go up there; it won’t take more than two or three thousand men to attack Ai. Since there are so few of them, don’t make all our people struggle to go up there.” (Joshua 7:3) "So approximately 3,000 warriors were sent, but they were soundly defeated."

Why was there such victory followed by a defeat that should have been an easy battle? Joshua cried out to the LORD asking, "why He had done this?" Why? "But the Lord said to Joshua, 'Get up! Why are you lying on your face like this? Israel has sinned and broken my covenant!...'" One man's sin made the entire Israel family suffer. His sin brought destruction on the whole mission and until his sin was dealt with, they could not move forward. But after that sin was purged from the camp, the fighting continued and the enemy was afraid.

Still, one more lesson to learn. Trickery and deceit was next. "But when the people of Gibeon heard what Joshua had done to Jericho and Ai, they resorted to deception to save themselves...'We have come from a distant land to ask you to make a peace treaty with us.' The Israelites replied to these Hivites, 'How do we know you don’t live nearby? For if you do, we cannot make a treaty with you.' They replied, 'We are your servants.' 'But who are you?' Joshua demanded. 'Where do you come from?'.... So the Israelites examined their food, but they did not consult the Lord." (9:1-13)

Two very large mistakes were made in the beginning of the seven year battle in conquering the Promised Land. First, holding on to what one saw as valuable. That "valuable" thing cost him his Promised Land. If he had waited upon the LORD then he could have had so much more, but he did not and what should have been an "easy" battle was followed by a great defeat. Next, "they did not consult the Lord." Moses was the most humble man who ever lived and he never made a rash decision. Before he ever agreed to anything, he always consulted the LORD first. Joshua did not consult the LORD and was bound to a treaty that he should have never made.

Nothing is easy about entering into a new land. Nothing. There are sins revealed that you would never realize you were struggling with. Things that you are holding on to, that want to hold you back. The temptation is to bury those sins and pretend you don't have them, but the purging will continue and they must be expelled. You want to make peace with things that seem to you to be from a distant land. A land that you will never have to see, but if you do not consult the LORD, you will be deceived and have to live with a treaty you were never meant to keep.

The light at the end of the tunnel: “Do not be afraid of them,” the Lord said... “Don’t ever be afraid or discouraged,” Joshua told his men. “Be strong and courageous..." (10) After the sin from within is dealt with, there is victory. Do not be afraid or discouraged. Be strong and courageous. The victory is coming and the LORD will win the battles for you, but you must fight. It is hard and the purging hurts to the deepest of your being, but afterward, there is great reward. Before you can win any battle, the hardest battle to face, is the one from within. “Do not be afraid,” the Lord said... “Don’t ever be afraid or discouraged,” Joshua told his men. “Be strong and courageous..." Deal with what is in you. Do not cower in fear of what you may see. For afterwards, there is the great reward of your Promised Land is near.

Of the World

2011-07-18T04:57:00.000-07:00

Deuteronomy 48ff, "That same day the Lord said to Moses, 'Go to Moab, to the mountains east of the river, and climb Mount Nebo, which is across from Jericho. Look out across the land of Canaan, the land I am giving to the people of Israel as their own special possession. Then you will die there on the mountain. You will join your ancestors, just as Aaron, your brother, died on Mount Hor and joined his ancestors. For both of you betrayed me with the Israelites at the waters of Meribah at Kadesh in the wilderness of Zin. You failed to demonstrate my holiness to the people of Israel there. So you will see the land from a distance, but you may not enter the land I am giving to the people of Israel.'”

I have often wondered why God treated Moses so harshly when he struck the rock instead of talking to it. (Numbers 20:9-13) So what, so he struck the rock instead of talking to it. Whats the big deal? Was God unfair to Moses? Was He being unreasonable?

I feel we all have some kind of calling on our lives. At times, I can become overwhelmed with the job that I feel God is giving me. At times, I would like to turn to my old familiar ways of dealing with things and get lost in a moment and forget my responsibilities. There are many of us who feel this way, but we all are responsible for how we handle stresses and what it looks like, to others, in how we handle them. Moses had a huge responsibility in showing the people who God was. God had a certain role for Moses to play. Moses lost his cool and did not demonstrate God's power, but his own. This was the "big" deal that lost him the promised land. "You failed to demonstrate my holiness to the people..."

So often people see us. They see us and see how we worship our God, but they also see us in how we handle this life outside of our church walls. This is where God is holding us accountable. Do others see His changing power through our lives? Do they see that He is truly part of us, or do they hear the words, but see something different? Moses did not loose his position with God. Moses joined his ancestors beside God when he died. This is not about loosing your salvation, but about loosing your promise land. It is about loosing our rights to represent God to others. It is about God pulling you aside and not allowing you to go forth in front of others to represent His holiness. It is about being set aside as different. Are we different from others? Have we really changed how we act around our home? Do we handle our stresses differently? Do we handle our fun differently? If we talk about a spiritual transformation, has there really been a change in our own life? If it is by the power of God that we are transformed, I hope so. Can others pull you out of the crowd you are in and say you are different. Or is it just the words you say that make you feel you are different. That is by definition, hypocrisy.

“When you fall into sin, the smallest price you pay is only the wounding you bring to yourself-- You grieve the heart of God and embarrass the community of Christ” (RZ). How are we living out our lives with God in front of others?

There have been so many things that I would have liked to have done, but I did not. I cannot go out and party. There are many things that I do that really are not sin in my heart, but because others are watching me, (and this thing may cause them to stumble) I do not do these certain things in public. I have to be conscious of how it looks to others. I have to. It is my responsibility to God who has called me to be different, so that my life may demonstrate His holiness.

I have shared all of my struggles. I have allowed others to see how truly weak I am on my own. Now I am being called to demonstrate through my life, how God can change us and make us strong. No matter what I do or where I am, I am being watched. Can others see His power, or do they still just see my sin. Is my life still grieving God's heart? Am I an embarrassment to the community of Christ?

1 John 2:15, "Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you." We are to live in this world, but we are not to be of this world. What do others see? Is my life demonstrating His holiness, or do others still just see me?

http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/living-proof-with-beth-moore/listen/the-inheritance-from-dvd-8-of-9-200150.html
This is a link to Beth Moore..... She addresses this issue.

WTO, West Texas Outfitters

2011-07-11T05:56:00.000-07:00

WTO, the West Texas Outfitters. How could you know? My father had his group of buddies that he went hunting with. They dubbed their group the WTO. How could he know that they would all affect their children so profoundly? I am now 36 years old and they have been together since before I was born. In their plight to get away and go hunting together, our families were joined together. We were raised with this certain group of kids that were not our blood relatives, but now are our family. We watched our parents stick it out together. They have laughed together and cried together. They have been hurt by others and each other, but in their commitment to each other they have remained friends. What did we, as your children learn from you? Their are so many lessons! How can we count them all? But there is one that I will share, for it is an important lesson that our generation, as a whole, has forgotten.

How often do we allow someone to get just close enough to us that they offend us and we in turn dump them as our companion. "I am offended," we say, "and I do not have to take it from you." With our offense we abandon them as our friend and go away proudly holding on to our rights. We are a generation that has lost the ability to stick it out. We have lost our ability to build close relationships. We do not know what it means to live out a life with someone, because we do not know how to not get offended. So, we live out our life alone, not knowing where everyone has gone and we think it is their fault.

The WTO consists of 6 men and their wives. Out of this group of 6, 5 are still married to their fist wife, all are still friends. In our group of "kids" 50% of us have been divorced. Our generation has a "right" to leave if we find ourselves unhappy. None of us know of another person, or group of people, that has been more committed than our parents. They have stuck it out through the hard and good times. They have remained loyal and they understand what it means to forgive.

Galatians 5:22, "But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." I want to thank my WTO family for displaying the fruits of the Spirit for all of your children. Through your lives we have learned many lessons. We have seen you fall on your face. Then, because of your love for one another, we have watched you pick each other up and walk out this life together. None of us have walked out this life perfectly, we all still make many mistakes, but because of your example we are still learning from you and thank you for your example of commitment that our generation has lost. Because of your life, your children have something that many others do not have. We have an example of how to remain committed. We have an example of how to live out this life with others, and their faults. We have an example of how to make a true and lasting friend.

To the WTO, thank you. I am sorry for my part in not showing my life a better example of the life that you lived. There was a time when I bought the lies of my generation, but because of you, I now can see. I have played my part in our statistics, but for this next part of my life, I can do better. Thank you for showing me love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Thank you for sticking out this life together, so I can do better in the future and my children will learn this valuable lesson too. Exodus 20:6, "...I lavish unfailing love for a thousand generations on those who love me and obey my commands." Thank you, from all of us who follow after you, to be part of a beautiful blessing.

Illusions

2011-07-08T05:18:00.000-07:00

This past week I went to Texas for a family reunion. Only it was not an ordinary family reunion. It was a reunion of friends. My dad had his hunting buddies my entire childhood. I grew up with their children and they are our extended family. They dubbed their group the WTO, West Texas Outfitters. What a wonderful time to see the people that I knew as a child. I now got to see them with their children and they got to see mine. It was time well spent and many lessons learned for me.

I must confess, before we left for Texas I was a basket case. We were going to spend our time together at the Gaylord Hotel. This hotel is based around its theme of water pleasure. There is a lazy river, water slide, large pool and other accommodations. The thought of having to spend my time in a bathing suit was not my idea of amity. I was excited to see my old friends, but I had seen pictures of them on Facebook and their pictures awakened an insecurity that I had thought was long gone. The insecurity of an illusion that no one can compete with. The illusion of the eye.

Let me explain:
When I was working at the club, I was the illusion. I knew how to work with that illusion and I knew how to play with the thoughts that entered through the eye gate. But after my days at the club were through, I discovered that while I was fulfilling a fantasy, I could not even compete with myself in the illusions that I would portray. My real life, the one that was not seen in the club, could not hold up to the fantasy that others would see. The true me could not compete with the illusion me. So here I was again looking at pictures on FB, illusions, of people. In my insecurity of my motherly body, my mind automatically went in competition of an illusion. Don't get me wrong. These women were stunningly beautiful. They worked out. I don't think I have done a situp in the last 10 years. But that is where the illusion is. It is in convincing yourself that you are in a competition with someone's outward appearance. Who can compete with that? There will always be someone prettier. There will always be someone more desirable physically. The outward appearance is the illusion.

This morning I have been reading in Numbers 22ff, the story of Balaam. In my cometary it says: "His story exposes the deception of maintaining an outward facade of spiritually over a corrupt inward life. Balaam was a man ready t obey God's command as long as he could profit from doing so... Who and what we are will somehow come to the surface, destroying any masks we may have put on to cover up our real selves. Efforts spent on keeping up appearances would be much better spent on finding the answer to sin in our lives. We can avoid Balaam's mistake by facing ourselves and realizing that God is willing to accept us, forgive us, and literally make us over from within.... Lessons from his life; Motives are just as important as actions. Your treasure is where your heart is."

So what had to happen to me? I had to put on a bathing suit, go where I was least secure physically. Go back to the place where I used to draw my security from and face a facade that I thought was no longer an issue in my life. At first I failed the test. I bought the lie, but then I learned my lesson. I cannot put my value in what I look like. I cannot always cover up my most unflattering features and only allow others to see the illusion. I have to face who I am. I have to discover what gives me security and what illusions I am still trying to portray. We all must at sometime go back to where we came from. At some point we must face the facade and discover who we really are. Where are our securities found? Where is our treasure? What is our motive? In each and every situation that we find ourselves in, there is always a lesson to be learned. Sometimes those lessons are lessons that we thought we had conquered long ago.

Riding the Waves

2011-06-20T04:44:00.000-07:00

Jeremiah 1:5-9, "'Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.' 'Alas, Sovereign LORD,' I said, 'I do not know how to speak; I am too young.' But the LORD said to me, 'Do not say, ‘I am too young.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,' declares the LORD. Then the LORD reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, 'I have put my words in your mouth...'"

Do you ever step out in faith, after you have heard from God on something, then all too soon you start doubting whether or not you really did hear from Him, or if it was really all your imagination? This doubting is way too easy for me. How? How do you stay steadfast and planted in the work you are being called to? How do you know that you are doing the right thing when doubt comes flooding in? It is so easy to start with fire, but because your fire is not hot, you burn out quickly and smolder. It is not about what you are doing, but why. The why, is what can carry you through till the next wave comes. The Who is your why.

Jeremiah 2:8, "The priests did not ask, ‘Where is the LORD?’"

Not, where is the LORD in the work. Not, where is the LORD in what you are doing. Everything is about where is the LORD in your daily life. As we step out in faith and begin a new thing, doubt is bound to come in. It has to. Jeremiah had to have much doubt, but what he had was endurance. And that is what set him apart from the others. It takes a long-term commitment. It takes caring and the willingness to be committed to God in order to complete the task. Just as Jeremiah had to depend on God's love to develop endurance, so do we. When Jeremiah was tempted to give up, he could not. God had called him to endure. Not to endure because of the task set before him. He was called to endure with his LORD.

It is when we start thinking and sleeping with the task, that is when we need to be careful. It is not about the job. It never has been. It is all about our relationship with Him. He is calling us to endure with Him. Then through our endurance with Him we can be witnesses of His mighty work through us. What an awesome day that will be, when we wake up and we have endured with Him. It will not be about what we have and have not done, but it will be about our relationship with our Creator. Can we endure with Him? Can we continue to see the dream He has placed in front of us, while we wait for His timing? Can we continue on, in this day, working today to see His vision for our life fulfilled? Can we stick with the task against all odds, as Jeremiah did? Can we ride out this wave of doubt, waiting with God, until the next high wave carries us through? Are we willing to endure with Him?

James 1:2-4 "Dear sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything." (NLV) Love you sisters :)

Frustrations

2011-05-15T06:36:00.000-07:00

"Remember that you have been saved so that the life of Jesus may be manifested in your body (see 2 Corinthians 4:10). Direct the total energy of your powers so that you may achieve everything your election as a child of God provides; rise every time to whatever occasion may come your way." (O.C.)

Yesterday, my hair dryer would not turn on. I checked the outlets, thinking the breaker may have been tripped. That was not the case. So, I marched very heavily down the stairs to get our old hair dryer that I keep for guests in my son's bathroom. Back up the stairs and into my own bathroom where I plugged in my back up hairdryer. My back up was not working either! I very frustratedly grabbed my keys and headed to WalMart to buy a new one. After finding one that I wanted, I went back home and finished getting ready for my son's parent/child soccer game. I was a cheerleader for my boys. My husband and son were in this playing together. During the game my husband lost his wedding ring. Frustrations that happen to us on a daily basis. Frustrations that can interrupt our entire day, if we allow them. Frustrations that are so small, but can blow our whole example of how we are supposed to be able to find peace in Christ.

"You did not do anything to achieve your salvation, but you must do something to exhibit it. You must “work out your own salvation” which God has worked in you already (Philippians 2:12). Are your speech, your thinking, and your emotions evidence that you are working it “out”? If you are still the same miserable, grouchy person, set on having your own way, then it is a lie to say that God has saved and sanctified you." (O.C.)

I have had college girls ask me, "Why do I need to believe in Christ? I see your friends and they are not happy. I see the struggles they are going through. I need to know that I am going to be taken care of. How is He helping them? I have seen you loose it, over very little things. How is He helping you?" Ouch!

Don't get me wrong. None of us are perfect, but it is our daily living that speaks. We have others who do not know Christ, who are watching us. Can they watch us go through a struggle and see that there is something different holding us up? Can they see us and want our peace? Do my children see me throw a fit over a broken hair dryer? It is in the small every day struggles where we loose our whole witness to our children, and others. Most outsiders see us loose it only in the "big" issues, but they still see us loose it.

"God is the Master Designer, and He allows adversities into your life to see if you can jump over them properly—”By my God I can leap over a wall” (Psalm 18:29). God will never shield you from the requirements of being His son or daughter. First Peter 4:12 says, “Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you . . . .” Rise to the occasion—do what the trial demands of you. It does not matter how much it hurts as long as it gives God the opportunity to manifest the life of Jesus in your body.

May God not find complaints in us anymore, but spiritual vitality—a readiness to face anything He brings our way. The only proper goal of life is that we manifest the Son of God; and when this occurs, all of our dictating of our demands to God disappears. Our Lord never dictated demands to His Father, and neither are we to make demands on God. We are here to submit to His will so that He may work through us what He wants. Once we realize this, He will make us broken bread and poured-out wine with which to feed and nourish others." (O.C.) This is a call for me, for all of us to see the bigger picture. Can we see what that is, even in our trial today?

Spring

2011-05-14T05:25:00.000-07:00

I love the timing of how things work in my life. For example, I am starting over in my reading of the bible. Genesis, the book of beginnings. As I look out my window, my favorite Spring time tree is budding its small plumb colored leaves. Soon this tree will be covered with beautiful pink flowers. My colors that I see will turn from cold white to red, green, and pink, outlined with the blue of the sky behind them. The grass is turning from a hard brown to green, and will soon be a lush garden for my feet. Spring, the time of new beginnings. Right now, because I am in it, this is my favorite time of year. Winters are long in the mountains. The snow and cold seem to last forever, but the Spring is here and the birds are singing again.

I love to study the word. This is the only book that will give you something new to think about every time you start to read it again. The other day I was watching a program on TV where a Jewish Rabbi gives lessons from his Jewish background. He took the verse in Genesis 3 that says, "So the Lord God banished them from the Garden of Eden, and he sent Adam out to cultivate the ground from which he had been made. After banishing them from the garden, the Lord God stationed mighty cherubim to the east of the Garden of Eden. And he placed a flaming sword that flashed back and forth to guard the way to the tree of life."

I heard something new in his teachings. Now I do not know if he was correct or not, but it is an interesting way to see Genesis new for me, again. He took the word "banished" and explained how the actual translation means "divorced." And the cherubim were not really there to keep them out, but to show them the way back. They were stationed in the garden to help remind the people of their loss, but to also help them see their way back home.

So if we change the wording a little to the actual translation it reads, "So the Lord God divorced them from the Garden of Eden, and he sent Adam out to cultivate the ground from which he had been made. After divorcing them from the garden, the Lord God stationed mighty cherubim to the east of the Garden of Eden. And he placed a flaming sword that flashed back and forth to guard (show) the way to the tree of life."

From the beginning God has been calling us back to Him. He wants us to see His newness. He wants us to see His wonder, even in the midst of the long winter. There is always Spring coming, no matter what has happened in the past.

Oswald Chambers, "Our circumstances are the means God uses to exhibit just how wonderfully perfect and extraordinarily pure His Son is. Discovering a new way of manifesting the Son of God should make our heart beat with renewed excitement. It is one thing to choose adversity, and quite another to enter into adversity through the orchestrating of our circumstances by God’s sovereignty. And if God puts you into adversity, He is adequately sufficient to 'supply all your need' (Philippians 4:19).

Keep your soul properly conditioned to manifest the life of the Son of God. Never live on your memories of past experiences, but let the Word of God always be living and active in you." Can you see the change ahead of you? Can you hear the new lesson from pages of old? Can you take the hurtful things that have already been written and see in them the Glory of God?

Allow God to make your past a foundation in which you stand on. If you will do this, you will be able to see His mighty swords pointing you back to Him. We cannot live in our past, but it can be the foundation to our future. Our future is in seeing the beauty of the Cross and the mighty power of His forgiveness. In this way, we will be able to sing with the birds, on this new Spring day.

Gift of Forgetting

2011-05-07T03:54:00.000-07:00

I spent the day with my sweet Gwenda again. She calls me, "Jenny girl." I love it! She wanted me to come out and see her again, because of the blog that I had written called "Panic Attack". She was very concerned about hearing this, "Do you ever feel like you are going to have a panic attack? I do, every time I am going to leave my house. The pressure of seeing other people and talking to them, just about overwhelms me. Going to a place where there is going to be lots of people gathering-- the grocery store, picking my son up from school, going to my son's soccer game, church, small group gathering (where different people come in unexpectedly), all of these places freak me out! Every time I leave my home, I have to fight against the fear. You see, I struggle with remembering how I know people. I do not remember people's names, or even their faces for that matter..."

A very cool thing about being so open about all of my struggles, is that I do not have time to wrestle with them long. God sends me someone with an outside point of view. This gives me a chance to work them out and deal with them.

My day with Gwenda was once again spent with the horses. I rode one of them bare back. She told me this was my time to gain my balance and feel the movement of the horse under me. I was to concentrate on how my body felt and how I was anchored upon the horse. Then after my time was done, we got my boys and put them on the horses and walked next to them down the road. It was after my time of settling in and getting comfortable, this is when the talking and sorting began. We went into the house, got some lunch, and began digging for the root cause of my fear. We finally settled on this, it all started when I moved to Gunnison. Jason knew everyone and I knew no one. I felt like I had to know the whole town all at the same time. This fear blocked me from really settling in and feeling comfortable. Since I still do not know everyone, (how could I, but that is how fear works, it is illogical) I fear they will take it personally and think "they are not worthy of me remembering who they are." Now, me not knowing their name right away, blocks me from retaining their name, for I live in fear of asking them to tell me their name again. It is a huge cycle that I have been dancing with for years and I thought it was just my way of life, forever. I thought I would always live in this fear.

But, then Gwenda asked me, "What is the blessing of not remembering who people are?" Blessing? How can there be a blessing? Then it hit me, I do not store up people's sin in my heart and hold their sin against them. I forget! I have lived here for 10 years, and I do not know anyone that I hold a grudge against. Don't get me wrong. I have had my moments, but my gift is forgetting. Then I move on. Isn't that how it works. God gives you a gift and Satan tries to come in and distort that gift and make you live in fear of that gift God so freely gives us. "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." (Ephesians 4:32 ESV) How does Christ forgive? He forgets! What a blessing!

So now I can live in peace. If I ask you your name, again, do not get offended. Remember, my gift is the gift of forgetting, (I will not hold anything against you) its my gift. If you know no one who is safe, you think they will hold your sins against you, I am safe. I will forget. You will find an example of forgiveness, through my gift of forgetting. "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working." (James 5:16 ESV) My sin was fear. I did not realize that I had a gift. Satan was taking my gift and making me live in fear, but now I have freedom all because I confessed my sin of fear. Do not live in fear. Confess. Repent. Forgive. Forget.

Birds are Singing

2011-05-06T04:36:00.000-07:00

I love the promise of new life. Winter is long up here. The birds are singing again, but with the season's change, also comes Spring cleaning. It is time to clean the house, but who wants to spend their days inside? Winter's long sleep can no longer be ignored and doubt creeps in about how we are going to handle our new found freedom along with our new responsibilities.

We have a friend who is 6'7", a very tall man. When he comes into my home, I have a tendency to get very insecure, very fast. Most of my friends are around the same height as I am and I do not know anyone who is taller than Jason, but this friend has a whole new look on things. He walks in and I immediately notice where his eyes can see. He sees dirt in places that I never think to look, "for I don't need to clean that place, no one sees it." That is not the case when he walks in my door. After he leaves, (I do this, no joke) I get a chair and see my home from his point of view. Now I have a choice. I can either address the things that his height has pointed out, or I can go on ignoring them and settle back into my comfort zone. But settling always has a tendency to back fire, he will come over again, and I will once again be made uncomfortable. I am a person who looks forward to summer with all of the crazy emotions that are awakened and all of the work that it brings. I love to hear the birds sing. This change brings promise, but with this promise also comes lots of work. I just cannot sit back and ignore the dirt.

I know many who are struggling right now. They are hurt. There have been many who have had their own hearts revealed to themselves, and to others, in ways they would have never imagined. This is good. It brings light upon things that are normally left alone. It helps us to notice the dirt that we have been ignoring in the past. It helps us to see the truth about how we really keep our house.

Ephesians 1:22, "God has put all things under the authority of Christ and has made Him head over all things for the benefit of the church. And the church is his body; it is made full and complete by Christ, who fills all things everywhere with Himself."

Remember that Christ is very tall. He can see in places that we try to ignore. He can see right into our own hearts. We need to allow Him to show our hearts what we really need to notice. It is not about what others around us are doing and saying, it is about our own hearts, that is what really needs to be cleaned. This is the season for change. I am so excited about this new season and the hope that it brings. There is going to be lots of work. There are many things that have been exposed. I have many hidden fears that try and come in and try to silence me. I have many doubts that make my heart want to roll over and go back to sleep, but my doubts are in myself. I doubt that I can do what I know Christ is calling me to do. He wants my eyes to see the places in my own heart that need to be strengthened. He wants me to see myself. He wants me to take a good look in the mirror and not to just walk away and forget what I look like, but to keep looking steadily into His perfect law that sets me free.

If I concentrate on what others are doing in their own house, I have a tendency to start throwing dirt. I have discovered that when you start throwing dirt, all that really happens, is that you loose a lot of ground. You start concentrating on what they need and should be doing, I stop looking at my own reflection in the mirror. What Christ is showing me to do, never gets done. In this season, can I hear the birds singing? In this season, can I see the joy they bring? In this season, am I willing to work where I need to step up and work? Have I pulled out my chair and taken a look around my house to see things from another view point? Have I taken a look at my own heart from where Christ stands? Am I willing to concentrate on Him? This is a good thing. This can be fun. This is a time when we can sing with the birds. This is a time to notice things from another angle, no matter how uncomfortable it make us. This is a time to sing.

Guessing Game

2011-05-04T05:26:00.000-07:00

Fear- It is amazing how Satan can try and trap you with fear. He pulls this card when all other cards are spent. He gets you to look at what you cannot do and tries to convince you that you are the cause of failure, any failure, you see around you. He does this by getting you to look at yourself. This is where fear originates and this is where it is cared for. It grows here until you become the center for everything. Everywhere you go, you start to think others are thinking about you. That is when he has you. He has you in a trap and the bait is you putting your own thoughts about yourself into other peoples heads.

I used to do this with Jason. I wanted him to understand what I was feeling and thinking, without me telling him. I wanted him to enter into my world of "guessing thoughts". I have a very wise man. He has always refused. His constant reply has always been, "If I try and guess what is going on, I will be setting myself up for failure. I do not like to fail, so you just need to tell me what you are feeling, so we can deal with it and move forward." Even though I have said some pretty horrible things to him, he is not afraid to fail if I tell him. He knows that he does not stand a chance, if he tries to guess.

Stepping out and opening up is not easy. It puts you at a perceived disadvantage. I begin to put my own thoughts into others head and I start to become certain that I know what they are thinking. I place myself as a god in their lives. I do not realize that I am doing this, but what other explanation do I have for such power. All focus is taken off of Christ and placed upon myself.

"Then Peter called to him, 'Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.' 'Yes, come,' Jesus said. So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. 'Save me, Lord!' he shouted." (Matthew 14:22)

Peter was willing to get out of the boat. His focus was on Christ. It was when he diverted his eyes away from Jesus that he began to panic. He took his attention away from the only one who could save him and started focusing on the problems around him. This is when fear overwhelmed him. He started looking at what he knew was impossible and he began to sink.

This is what happens to me. I take my eyes off of my God and I place them upon myself. This is a huge mistake. I cannot do it. I am very aware of my limitations. It is when I take my eyes off of Him and start focusing on me, that is when I find myself in a full blown "panic attack." My God, He can anything! If I can keep my focus on Him and what He has already done with my life, I will not look at my limitations and loose myself in my self-doubt. I do not doubt my God. I doubt myself. It is when my focus gets distorted that I begin to live in fear. My lesson is, breathe and trust that the Lord is good. Keep your focus on Him. He is the mighty Creator. He is the Savior of the world and He can do anything. Through Him, so can all of us who call upon His name. We are the courageous. We are the chosen ones. We are the ones who can walk on water, if keep our attention turned toward Him.

If you click on the title "Guessing Game" it will take you to Homespun Legacy. These are the things that God has done. Not me. But if I take my focus off of Him.... This is what Satan is trying to destroy. Thank you Don and Shelly! More than you know.

Panic Attack

2011-05-03T04:08:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel like you are going to have a panic attack? I do, every time I am going to leave my house. The pressure of seeing other people and talking to them, just about overwhelms me. Going to a place where there is going to be lots of people gathering-- the grocery store, picking my son up from school, going to my son's soccer game, church, small group gathering (where different people come in unexpectedly), all of these places freak me out! Every time I leave my home, I have to fight against the fear. You see, I struggle with remembering how I know people. I do not remember people's names, or even their faces for that matter. I have to see them many times to remember who they are, especially women. Women change their hair. Sometimes they have makeup on. Sometimes they do not. So I meet them, but the next time I see them, I probably will not recognize them and this freaks me out. I have a panic attack. I do not know if I damaged my brain with too many drugs, or if it is my MS, but this is my greatest struggle and I live in fear of failure. I live in fear of hurting someone's feelings, because I do not remember who they are. I fear they will get offended if I ask them their name more than twice. I fear they will take my weakness personally and think I do not care about them. I leave my house and have a panic attack.

Yesterday, I just about lost it. I had to get out. I had to go to Gwenda's house and spend some time with her. I did not know why I needed to see her so badly. All that I knew was that I would be able to breathe at her home. As soon as I could leave town, I drove the twenty minutes to her ranch. I had no agenda. I just needed to see Gwenda.

When I got there she was working with her horses. She was not riding them. She was just spending time with them. She needed them to trust her again after the long winter. She spoke tenderly to them and waited patiently for them to obey her simple hand commands. At times she would look away, waiting for them to come to her. Other times she would look right at them gently commanding them to follow her. She would walk in front of them and she would have them walk in front of her. She was patient. She would stop and take a deep breathe and tell them to breathe.

This morning I woke with my own horse, from when I was a young girl, on my mind and heart. I woke remembering the times that I had forgotten. Those times spent with him, not working, just being with him. He trusted me. I would braid his tail, even walk under his belly. If he was laying, down I would go and lay between his legs and rest on his large stomach. I woke remembering how to breathe.

I can get so caught up in the works of this life, that I forget how to breathe. I forgot that the whole reason that I want animals so badly, is not to work with them, but to be with them. Yes, it takes lots of work, but the love is just being with them. Dogs and horses are different. With dogs, they are predators. When they are afraid, they growl and attack. With horses, when they are afraid, they run away. I have forgotten how to relate my life with what I love. I have taken what I love and turned it into a job. I love dogs. So I took that love and started raising them. I love horses, but then never spend time with them except to ride them. We take our love and turn it into work, then we forget how to breathe. Then we begin to expect to succeed, instead of just be. I cannot live in fear. I must remember how to breathe.

"Show me your ways, Yahweh. Teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth, and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation, I wait for you all day long." Psalm 25:4,5
"Get all the advice and instruction you can, so you will be wise the rest of your life. You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail." Psalm 19:20-21

I cannot live in fear of making a mistake. I cannot live with panic attacks for the rest of my life. Why do I do the things I do? What is the purpose of my life? What are the things that I love? I love my God. My purpose is to be with Him. There are many works that must be done, but can I just breathe with Him? Pause... Remember how to breathe. I may have many plans, but then those plans seem to change and my world may seem to be out of line. He may be reminding me how to breathe. He is my love and remembering my love, and not just doing the work, this will remind me how to be with my love and just breathe. Breathe, and just be...

God Loves Gunnison

2011-04-23T05:00:00.000-07:00

We got a phone call one day from college student wanting to do an interview about people who live in Gunnison, and their lives with Christ. This is her senior project for her film class. I hope you enjoy.

Click on the title "God Loves Gunnison" and it will take you to the link.

Un-Group, I Love this Body!

2011-04-13T04:50:00.000-07:00

Every Tuesday night, for almost 2 years now, I have met with a group of women. We started out meeting in different homes, but now we all gather together in my home. I have a basement that is perfect. That is why we settled on this. We call ourselves the un-group. We have no agenda. We have nothing in mind for our time together. We have no book to guide us. We do not even, always study the bible. We come together and allow God to lead our un-group into praise and worship of Him. We cry together. We laugh together. We share our lives together. There are some women, who are always there. There are others who float in and out, depending on their home situation and what they are needing right then. This un-group of women, this is my church. This is where the true beauty of God comes alive. This is where we see the Holy Spirit move and where we see lives changed.

1 Corinthians 12:4-11, "There are different kinds of spiritual gifts, but the same Spirit is the source of them all. There are different kinds of service, but we serve the same Lord. God works in different ways, but it is the same God who does the work in all of us. A spiritual gift is given to each of us so we can help each other. To one person the Spirit gives the ability to give wise advice; to another the same Spirit gives a message of special knowledge. The same Spirit gives great faith to another, and to someone else the one Spirit gives the gift of healing. He gives one person the power to perform miracles, and another the ability to prophesy. He gives someone else the ability to discern whether a message is from the Spirit of God or from another spirit. Still another person is given the ability to speak in unknown languages, while another is given the ability to interpret what is being said. It is the one and only Spirit who distributes all these gifts. He alone decides which gift each person should have." This is my church body and I love her.

Last night we had a discussion about going to church on Sundays and what that looks like. During this discussion we had several different opinions being tossed around. I don't think that any of us really knew. Church on Sundays is an institution. I hate to say it, but it is. There are certain things that have to happen. There is a certain program that has to be run in order for everything to go smoothly. The question was tossed around about what kind of teaching needed to be taught there. Does it need to me "milk" for the ones who are new and who do not have a strong faith walk yet? Does it need to be "meat" to help spur on those who have been Christ followers for sometime now?

I wrestled with these questions all night. When I awoke this morning and opened my bible, I could hear the answer. It did not come to me through the words that I was reading. It came to my heart. (Then later my heart's desire was put into its place and I have changed what I thought needed to be changed in this writing). Sunday mornings is a time for the believers to come and sing praises to their God together, to worship Him. It is a time to introduce yourself to new people. The meat that we so desire that Sunday morning to give us, is not enough if we expect it to happen once a week. This cannot happen on Sunday mornings, not the way it happens to us on Tuesday nights. If everyone were part of a "small group" then when that person comes in for the first time, who does not know what worship is all about, then the believers should take that person and invite them into "group" night so that the body can work its magic. Just like there are many different "churches" in a town there needs to be many different groups, so that a person can join that group and be fed what they can eat at that time in their life. If they are a new believer, they can receive milk. If they are someone who has been on this journey for some time now, they can eat the meat they need.

This is how it can work. I saw a new woman in our church one day. I made it my goal to go up to her, introduce myself, and invite her into my home on Tuesday night. Now, I am not sure if our un-group is the "right" one for her, but at least she feels like part of the body now. She can come to church on Sunday mornings to meet with people who have the same goal in mind and she does not feel like an outcast by being there. Tuesday night is where the true body of Christ is felt for us. This is where true "church" happens. Now that my friend feels comfortable in our group, if she needs to find another group, she will not feel so uncomfortable in joining another group that may better serve her what she can handle. She is part of the body and she can now find her place. But it all started because she walked into our church, she was invited into a home, she felt desired. This would have never happened if she had not been invited home. Home is where the true teaching needs to happen. Home is where the true church meets.

So if you go to church on Sunday, why are you going? Are you going there to get your fill for the week, until the next Sunday? Are you joined with other believers, part of a small group, during the week? Do you see the new faces who need to be invited into your home, into your group? What does church look like for you? If you are new, if you have been there for your entire life, have you plugged into a small group? If you have not, you are missing the true "church".

Battle Field

2011-04-11T05:23:00.000-07:00

I am fired up this morning. It is crazy, but I am. Yesterday, I could not get past 2 Corinthians 6. One chapter is as far as I was able to read. This morning, I read 7-13, the rest of 2 Corinthians. It is funny to me how people think that Christians should only teach others by telling them about their weakness. I know, for I am guilty of this. I would much rather tell people how much I do not know and the bad that I have done. For otherwise, I fear they will think that I am boasting. What I expect when I go to "church" is to hear a lesson on how to live peacefully for God and to leave there feeling all happy and full. I go as a glutton, expecting to be filled. This is not at all what, basically, the entire book of 2 Corinthians is about. It is about Paul giving his defense and letting them know just how much he has done for them.

2 Cor 10, "We are human, but we don’t wage war as humans do. We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments. We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ. And after you have become fully obedient, we will punish everyone who remains disobedient.
Look at the obvious facts. Those who say they belong to Christ must recognize that we belong to Christ as much as they do. I may seem to be boasting too much about the authority given to us by the Lord. But our authority builds you up; it doesn’t tear you down. So I will not be ashamed of using my authority..."

Yesterday, Aaron gave a wonderful lesson about the war that we have. 2 Timothy 2, "Soldiers don’t get tied up in the affairs of civilian life, for then they cannot please the officer who enlisted them. And athletes cannot win the prize unless they follow the rules. And hardworking farmers should be the first to enjoy the fruit of their labor. Think about what I am saying. The Lord will help you understand all these things." He gave a beautiful apologetic (defense) for the battle we are in as Christians. "When you are on the battle field your perspective is different than when you are USO (on vacation). Your expectation is different. When in war you endure. Your complaints are different. Are you inconvenienced or are you incapacitated? Health care is different, your appetite is different- junk food vs real food. Relationships are different- superficial vs significant. Your heart is different."

While he was speaking, he was boasting. Not of himself, but the power given him by the authority a worker of Christ has. In this defense, I was strengthened! Then this morning I read what Paul says and he does the exact same thing. "We will boast only about what has happened within the boundaries of the work God has given us, which includes our working with you...And since others boast about their human achievements, I will, too. After all, you think you are so wise, but you enjoy putting up with fools! ...But whatever they dare to boast about—I’m talking like a fool again—I dare to boast about it, too." All over Paul is giving his defense. He did not keep it a secret and quietly go to one individual, but he publicly gave his apologetic. We too are to give our defense. We are in a battle and sometimes that means gaining strength in God by looking at the battles we have won. It means taking up arms and standing our ground, so that we are not overcome by Satan ourselves.

Things come to me in threes. Yesterday, I read chapter 6. Then I went to church and heard a lesson that backed up what I was reading. Now today, I finished with the rest and was strengthened even more. Sometimes we need to remember the authority that we have and we need to boast about that authority so that we can win the battle. If you ever go to church and feel you are getting blasted, because what is being said seems like boasting, maybe you should read these verses and see that sometimes we need to be reminded that we are in a war. Do you know that you are in a battle? Do you see it, but instead focus on the small things? Do we wake every morning with great expectation to see where we will be taken today? If you were there yesterday, did you leave strengthened, or were you more offended that the service did not feed your appetite like you thought it should? Where are you in this battle? Did you sign up as a ready soldier, or do you live as a reluctant draft?

Veil Taken Away

2011-04-09T05:42:00.000-07:00

2 Corinthians 3:12ff, "Since this new way gives us such confidence, we can be very bold. We are not like Moses, who put a veil over his face so the people of Israel would not see the glory, even though it was destined to fade away. But the people’s minds were hardened, and to this day whenever the old covenant is being read, the same veil covers their minds so they cannot understand the truth. And this veil can be removed only by believing in Christ. Yes, even today when they read Moses’ writings, their hearts are covered with that veil, and they do not understand. But whenever someone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like Him as we are changed into His glorious image."

I was once talking to a sweet young woman about my life and she just could not understand. To her, everything that I had done, since I truly gave my life to Christ, seemed like I was walking blind. She thought that the decisions I had made, were decisions made in blindness, and it is by shear luck that they worked out the way they did. But to me, the way that I lived before was living in blindness. I was a wanderer, wandering around in the darkness of the world.

As I watch others living out their lives, I am often heartbroken because of the choices that I see them making. They think that I do not understand and I am just judging them, because I do not see things their way. But I am not. I now see things more clearly than I ever have before. I have opened my heart up toward God enough, so that I see things more clearly now through His eyes. I can clearly see sin, but I can also more clearly see how much He loves us and how He is crying out for us to see things through His eyes. Now please do not take this and think, that I think, I know it all and that I think that I am perfect. I also see my own heart more and know how truly evil I am. It is not in seeing how much we have sinned. It is not about our sin at all. It is, everything is, about His Holiness.

If we are going out and partying; If we are getting high; If we are sleeping around; If we are living for our next physical pleasure; If we are living for our next false intimacy, it is about our sin. For all that we can think about is our next time to live out that high. Everything becomes about us. What is that next big rush we are living for? Or, what is it that we are going to spend our time crying over, because we cannot get our mind off of whatever it was that we just did? All in all, it remains about us.

But we are called not to live for that next pleasure. We are called to live in His joy. 2 Cor 5:14, "Christ’s love controls us. Since we believe that Christ died for all, we also believe that we have all died to our old life. He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live for themselves. Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them...This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!"

Oswald Chambers, "Being saved and seeing Jesus are not the same thing. Many people who have never seen Jesus have received and share in God’s grace. But once you have seen Him, you can never be the same. Other things will not have the appeal they did before.

You should always recognize the difference between what you see Jesus to be and what He has done for you. If you see only what He has done for you, your God is not big enough. But if you have had a vision, seeing Jesus as He really is, experiences can come and go, yet you will endure “as seeing Him who is invisible” (Hebrews 11:27). The man who was blind from birth did not know who Jesus was until Christ appeared and revealed Himself to him (see John 9). Jesus appears to those for whom He has done something, but we cannot order or predict when He will come. He may appear suddenly, at any turn. Then you can exclaim, “Now I see Him!” (see John 9:25)."

Where is your true heart's focus? What is your true desire? We must look at ourselves with truth, in order to see Him more clearly. If you have truly given your life to Christ, there will be proof of that in the way you live, in your focus for your life. What is your focus? Do you see Him, or do you see your sin?

Bereft of Shame

2011-04-06T05:09:00.001-07:00

Michelangelo's teacher asked him, "Why are you painting nude pictures of people?" Michel's answer, "I want to see man as God sees man." Teacher, "Michel, you are not God."

My husband is a real estate broker and when my oldest son was, I think, 3 years old we went to a house that had a plethora of art. As we were driving up the drive to the house we were greeted with Greek statues. We all went with my husband into the house to look at the house and all that it had. I immediately regretted my decision to join him when we started to walk up the stairs of this amazing home. I was going to try and avoid taking with my son about what he was seeing, but he would not stop. He kept asking me. "Why don't they have any clothes on?" This whole experience was something that I was not prepared for.

Now that several years are passed, I am faced with more of a delima. How do I explain to my son that images on a computer screen of nude people is pornography, but a painting of the same image done by an artist, is art? What is the difference? Some may argue, "It is the intent of the one who is putting that image to paper. If the intent is to arouse sexual pleasure then it is pornography, but if it is to show beauty then it is art." This may be well and fine for the one painting the picture, but what about the others who will view it? Does the one who is painting have no responsibly for my son's response?

When I was in the fourth grade, I stumbled upon some Pent House magazines. What those images did to me as a young girl were enough to start me down a pathway I wish for no one. What is the difference in what we call art and what is pornography? It cannot all be left in the hand of the composer and what their intent was when they designed the "art." We are called to see what we may be doing to others. Even if what we are doing is not wrong in our own hearts and we have a clear conscience about it, we are called not to make others stumble.

I am not saying that we have to live our lives in fear of what everyone else is doing, but art, this one is a big one. For our foundations are being destroyed and our children are hanging in the noose. "When secularism has had its way, we will be left with a society bereft of shame,"(RZ).

When you see a painting of a nude woman, do we think of the heart that was hindered as she was putting herself out for all the artists around her to paint? When you see a woman on the internet, or in Play Boy magazine, do you see what it has done to her? Is there a difference? Those who look at the image in front of them, do they see a difference?

In our world today, I feel like I am fighting a no win battle for my children's eyes and their hearts. Everyone is trying to separate what is art and what is pornography, but how it affect them, how it affects my children, that is the same. When art has had its way, we will be left with a society bereft of shame. From the movies we watch, to the paintings on the wall, our children are standing at the gallows, while the artists paintbrush is dipped in their blood.

Celebrating the Wrath of God

2011-04-02T05:02:00.000-07:00

"Celebrating the Wrath of God," I have just finished reading this book. If you know me, this may surprise you. For you know, I don't read books! I am serious. This is the third book I have read in the last ten years. I don't have the time, but when I do, you must know it is a GOOD one. One of my brothers gave me this book when I was in Texas to see one of my friends for the last time. She died just a couple of days ago. This was my last chance to see her and I knew it. His giving me this book really had nothing to do with why I was in Texas, but it had everything to do with God's timing.

As I was struggling with how I saw her laying in her bed and how good she was, I had many questions. How? Why? But she loved God! How was this living in God's blessing? Isn't He supposed to protect His children? Aren't we supposed to be set apart? Aren't others supposed to see His blessings in us? Isn't that how others are drawn to Him by watching our lives, our blessings? He is supposed to heal us right? Why... Why.... Why? As I was going through the process of watching her die, these were just some of my questions, and at the same time I was reading this book.

For the days that I was with her, I could not read. I could not read until I returned home, for it is hard stuff. The first part of the book is the suffering and in the moment of watching my dear friend, I could not do it. So when I got home and I could focus a little better, I started to read. I laid aside my bible in the early morning, and took up this book. In just a couple of days I was through. I will not talk about what I learned, I am still processing it. I will say that we have a mighty God and I love Him!

One of my favorite parts of the book is a discussion between God and Job. This I will share....

Job: "The way You treated me just lately made it difficult at times to trust in You."

God: "That is interesting, the way you treated Me earlier made it easy for Me to trust in you."

"....And He believes in you. Yes, you who sit nursing your breaking heart that's filled with questions and niggling doubts. You whose pain and anger sometimes spills over into speech that isn't right. You who, because your trouble has been around for years and your prayers for ease have gone unfulfilled, have emotionally given up (and yet here you are reading this)- He believes in you, too."

This is all that I will share. Get the book. Read the book. Then, if you want, we can visit. If you have questions about God's love, all because of the pain you see around you; If you struggle with unanswered questions; If you just cannot see how love and pain can work together, this book is for you. Please read this book......

"To my sweet Daun,
How your life is such a wonderful blessing for me. Thank you for living in love with your God. Thank you for helping me when I did not know I needed your help. Thank you for everything. How I rejoice with you in your new adventure. How I will miss you and your bossy, nosey love....
I love you. Part of your life, saved my life!"

Security even in Death

2011-03-25T04:35:00.000-07:00

There are so many things that I was not able to say to you when I was with you. On one hand, in my selfishness, I want you to be healed. I do not want you to go. But on the other, I know you are ready if you do. When I asked you if you were scare, you looked at me with confidence and said, "No, darling not at all." But, death is hard and it is something none of us are truly ready for. It is hard for me, because I am still here without you. But I want to thank you. Thank you for being so faithful. Thank you for giving me peace here. It is only because of your faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ that I can have peace in knowing Whose you are, when you are gone one day.

When my grandmother died, my mom had one regret. I felt that same regret when I left you the other day. Mom's regret was telling her to hold on till the others could get there and that they were coming. Later what she wanted to tell her mother was that she was so excited for her, for she was finally going Home. In my own want, I want to tell you to hold on. In my knowledge of where your destiny is, I want to tell you how excited I am for you if this is your time. You may soon be at true peace. If this is your time, your journey is just now about to begin!

My sweet friend,
Thank you for having your faith. This is all so selfish on my part, but thank you for giving me peace here, now. I can let you go if I have to, and not live in mourning when you do leave. I can do this all because of your faith. If there were no God and you were just gone, that would still be so sad. For then, all that would be left are my memories of you and when I am gone, then you would truly be gone too. If you had not been a believer and there is a God, that would be devastating for me and I would not be able to bear the thought. But, this is not the case at all. You are going Home. And I am so excited for you. When my grandmother died, we did not even really cry. I mean we were sad that we were no longer going to have her here, but we did not grieve her death. We rejoiced with her.

At the same time, I know how powerful our Lord is. I am still holding on to the fact that God could change His mind. "'Remember, LORD, how 'Daun' has walked before you faithfully and with wholehearted devotion and has done what is good in your eyes'...This is what the Lord says,'...I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will heal you... I will add fifteen years to your life'" (2 Kings 20) For me now, I am still holding on to the possibility that He can always change His mind. But if by chance, this is the last opportunity that I have, I am so excited for you. Thank you for giving me the wonderful memories that only you and I share. Thank you for helping me when I needed you the most. Most of all thank you for loving Christ, so that I can live here without you. When you do go Home, you will be reunited with your Husband. What wondrous joy. May He heal you. May He give you His peace. May He comfort you. I love you.

To My Sweet Daunsie

2011-03-22T05:44:00.000-07:00

2 Kings 20:1-6, "In those days Hezekiah became ill and was at the point of death. The prophet Isaiah son of Amoz went to him and said, 'This is what the LORD says: Put your house in order, because you are going to die; you will not recover.' Hezekiah turned his face to the wall and prayed to the LORD, 'Remember, LORD, how I have walked before you faithfully and with wholehearted devotion and have done what is good in your eyes.' And Hezekiah wept bitterly. Before Isaiah had left the middle court, the word of the LORD came to him: 'Go back and tell Hezekiah, the ruler of my people, ‘This is what the LORD, the God of your father David, says: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will heal you. On the third day from now you will go up to the temple of the LORD. I will add fifteen years to your life.'"

To my sweet Daunsie,
I want you to know the good that you have done. I want to tell you how much I love you. As I sat by your bed this weekend, I just could not get out the words that were burning within my heart. Every time that I have ever been with you I have felt like a student at the feet of her teacher. You have loved me with a love of a mother, my entire life. You have gotten in my face, in my space, and been the bossiest woman I have ever known. You are demanding and you speak what is on your mind, no matter what. This I love. I love it because I know you love me. I have always known you love me, because you are so intense with me. I want to thank you for showing me how to love with such passion and enthusiasm.

I so wish that I could have come to more SOS's. I wanted to, so badly, but the 1000 miles between us kept getting in my way! Those young women were blessed more than you will ever know. I know this, for look how much you blessed me. You have done your job very well. You have taken the gifts that you were given and you stretched yourself enough to teach others. Not many women are willing to lay aside their own insecurities and their own wants, in order to step out and help those younger than they are. I think they believe the lies that Satan is feeding them; that they have nothing to share and no one to teach. You did not do this, and I cannot thank you enough.

As I knelt beside you this weekend, I couldn't help but want to draw closer, so I could hear you better. I will stand with you in prayer. Now is the time for those you have loved to stand with you and hold you up to God. Now is the time for us to be strong with you. We will stand by you and pray Hezekiah's prayer with you.

"Remember, LORD, how 'Daun' has walked before you faithfully and with wholehearted devotion and has done what is good in your eyes."

"Why did Abraham stop praying when he did? He stopped because he still was lacking the level of intimacy in his relationship with God, which would enable him boldly to continue on with the Lord in prayer until his desire was granted. Whenever we stop short of our true desire in prayer and say, “Well, I don’t know, maybe this is not God’s will,” then we still have another level to go. It shows that we are not as intimately acquainted with God as Jesus was, and as Jesus would have us to be—“ (Oswald Chambers)

When we start to think that anything is too big for God, we must remember that nothing is too big. We stand with you, Daun, in prayer to our God. We ask Him to heal you and to restore you, to your health. We ask Him to give you fifteen more years, so that you can continue to teach those younger than you. Stay strong, sweet woman. Fight against the illness and do what you have to, in order to allow your body to become healthier. Fight against the nausea and eat, even though you do not feel like eating. Drink even though you do not feel like drinking. You do your part and we will do ours. Be strong, my sweet friend, I LOVE YOU....

Chasing Rabbits

2011-03-15T05:32:00.000-07:00

"'As they followed they were afraid' —Mark 10:32

At the beginning of our life with Jesus Christ, we were sure we knew all there was to know about following Him. It was a delight to forsake everything else and to throw ourselves before Him in a fearless statement of love. But now we are not quite so sure. Jesus is far ahead of us and is beginning to seem different and unfamiliar— 'Jesus was going before them; and they were amazed' (Mark 10:32).

There is an aspect of Jesus that chills even a disciple’s heart to its depth and makes his entire spiritual life gasp for air. This unusual Person with His face set 'like a flint' (Isaiah 50:7) is walking with great determination ahead of me, and He strikes terror right through me. He no longer seems to be my Counselor and Friend and has a point of view about which I know nothing. All I can do is stand and stare at Him in amazement. At first I was confident that I understood Him, but now I am not so sure. I begin to realize that there is a distance between Jesus and me and I can no longer be intimate with Him. I have no idea where He is going, and the goal has become strangely distant.

Jesus Christ had to understand fully every sin and sorrow that human beings could experience, and that is what makes Him seem unfamiliar. When we see this aspect of Him, we realize we really don’t know Him. We don’t recognize even one characteristic of His life, and we don’t know how to begin to follow Him. He is far ahead of us, a Leader who seems totally unfamiliar, and we have no friendship with Him.

The discipline of dismay is an essential lesson which a disciple must learn. The danger is that we tend to look back on our times of obedience and on our past sacrifices to God in an effort to keep our enthusiasm for Him strong (see Isaiah 1:10-11). But when the darkness of dismay comes, endure until it is over, because out of it will come the ability to follow Jesus truly, which brings inexpressibly wonderful joy." (Oswald Chambers)

This is where I am currently. Many times though this new journey with Christ, I have been very confident in where He was taking me. Then other times, like now, I can become very insecure. Just the other day I was in Ouray with my family and had to step away from them in order to have some quiet so that I could set the day in focus. (I must start my day with Christ, otherwise I can be a monster.) I separated myself and went and sat on a bridge overlooking the river. I sat there and begged God to show me. Show me where I am supposed to go and what I was supposed to do next. "Please God, help me. I do not want to be chasing rabbits down a rabbit hole and miss what I have right in front of me. I do not want to be spending all this energy and time on something that is just leading me astray from what is truly important. I do not want to be striving for something that is not going to do anything, but to draw my attention away from my family. Help me to keep focus. Do not let me loose relationship with them and with You while I travel this path. Help me keep the moment in front of me as my focus while I try my best to obey You in the everyday."

Stepping out in obedience can be some of the hardest and most insecure times in our life. I do not want to look like a fool. I do not want to miss what God really has for me. I do not want to chase rabbits down a rabbit hole. I do not want to disobey, while trying to obey. It can become very confusing.

Then God sends me Oswald and I can hear Him speaking to me.... "Wait. Be patient. Just keep today as your focus and do your best today. You are not here to conquer the world. You are here to enjoy and have peace in this moment. You are here to love those I have given you. Tomorrow will take care of tomorrow. Work when I tell you to work and rest when I tell you to rest. Nothing may happen in others eyes, but you will be able to see Me more clearly. Show your children, today, how much I love them. Show your husband, today, how much I love him. It is in the moment that you will find My peace and love. I will take care of the big picture. You take care of the moment, while you walk in obedience to Me, today."

Life vs Death

2011-02-20T04:00:00.000-08:00

Deuteronomy 30:18-20, "This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life..."

"This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you..." God sets before you choices every day. What you choose will be held against you. What you choose is not covered up, or given to you as an excuse. It is held against you and you cannot hide from the truth that lays right in the choices you make. "I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life..." Every choice that we make, no matter how small we think it is, has either life or death written in it. Every choice that we make determines how the next course of our life will go. Every choice that we make has consequences that follow, good and bad. Will we be willing to work hard now? Will we be willing to set aside our own selfish ambitions today, for a life tomorrow?

As I look back upon my life, and really consider the choices that I have made, it is much easier to see the "life and the death" that was placed in front of me, and to notice the choices that I deliberately made. When Jason and I were dating, I had a choice placed in front of me. I could lay aside what I thought that I wanted, and choose life. Or, I could push against everything and choose to continue on the path that I was on, a path that I knew led to destruction. I had been struggling with my own desires and I wanted to hang on to what was familiar. I was uncertain about the life that he was offering to me. I did not know what the outcome would be and this uncertainty scared me. Would I choose to be uncomfortable for a time? Would I choose life, something that was unfamiliar to me. Or would I choose death, the path that I knew very well. Change is hard, but it is only hard because we choose to war within ourselves.

Oswald Chambers wrote, "Just because I have listened carefully and intently to one thing from God does not mean that I will listen to everything He says. I show God my lack of love and respect for Him by the insensitivity of my heart and mind toward what He says. If I love my friend, I will instinctively understand what he wants. And Jesus said, 'You are My friends...' (John 15:14)."

In this journey I have listened and followed God, not always by my choice, but because that seemed to be the only real choice that was offered. Other times I have definitely taken the wrong path and fought against what He was calling me to. I tried to convince myself that what I was doing was really not that big of a deal, since I had made the right choice before. But, just because I had made the right choice once, did not mean that I was off the hook the rest of the time. It is a daily decision. He is calling us to follow Him daily, moment by moment. Can we lay aside what we desire now, in order to see the bigger picture for our future? Christ has given us His everything. Can we see all that we will give up, if we choose to go against what He has chosen for us? What choice did we make last night that will affect us today? What are we Choosing today that will affect us tomorrow? We cannot blame anyone else for the consequences we have today, because of the choices we made yesterday. Is it really worth it?

Offended by God

2011-02-07T04:10:00.000-08:00

Matthew 11:1-6, "John the Baptist, who was in prison, heard about all the things the Messiah was doing. So he sent his disciples to ask Jesus, 'Are you the Messiah we’ve been expecting, or should we keep looking for someone else?' Jesus told them, 'Go back to John and tell him what you have heard and seen— the blind see, the lame walk, the lepers are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised to life, and the Good News is being preached to the poor. And tell him, ‘God blesses those who are not offended by me.'"

It is amazing to me, how God talks to me about certain things, only when I am ready to hear. I am learning new every day. He is gentle and patient and He knows that if He told me everything right away, it would be too much for me. Part of my weekly study is to listen to Beth Moore on line. Recently she has been doing a study on John the Baptist. At first I thought, "Okay, a kind of history lesson. I know about John, but maybe I need to have a reminder." This is not what happened at all. When she got to this verse my heart became heavy, I realised that Jesus was talking to me, when He spoke to John. As Beth described it, John knew who Christ was. He had baptised Him, and he had seen the Holy Spirit land on His shoulders, and he had heard God speak and say this was His son. He knew and his joy was complete with this realisation.

John did not have doubts about who Jesus was. He knew who He was! John was now in prison. He was suffering and asking Jesus, "Are You going to rescue me? Why am I suffering right now? You can just say the word and I would be free." John was offended that Jesus was not rescuing him out of his circumstance. That is why Jesus added, "God blesses those who are not offended by me." He knew his heart and He knew what John was really asking.

God keeps my past close to my memory, for He refers to it often as He is speaking to me. About a year ago, I was suffering. Several years earlier, I had memorised the book of James, and I took this verse to Pastor Steve, "Are any of you sick? You should call for the elders of the church to come and pray over you, anointing you with oil in the name of the Lord. Such a prayer offered in faith will heal the sick, and the Lord will make you well." I was sick. I needed healing. I called on the church. We met together. I was anointed in oil. Our prayers were offered in faith, but I was not healed.

As I listened to Beth, as I studied these passages that week, I could hear God speaking, "You were offended by Me when you thought I was not healing you. You blamed Me for your disease. You see now that I needed you to learn more about who you were and who I Am, but you are still carrying that offence and you need to forgive Me."

Ouch! That one is hard. I was offended at God. He was supposed to heal me. We did our part, where was He? It was not right that I was having to ask Eric, my oldest son who was six, to help me button my shirt because I could not do it myself. It was not fair that I could not even do the dishes, because I was dropping all of them and breaking them. It was not fair that I was sleeping all of the time, because I did not even have enough energy to sit and read to my babies. It was not fair and He could heal me, but wouldn't! I was offended, but I didn't know it until He took my memory back and showed me.

I have learned so many lessons since that time. I have learned how to love myself and take better care of myself. I have learned how to rely more on God and how to have more self control. All things that I would have never learned had He healed me and given me what I wanted in a nice little package. I am thankful that He did not heal me right away, but He needed me to see that I was still carrying that offence. He spoke to me through Beth's lesson. He speaks to me through His word. He speaks to me through my memory of my past. He speaks to me through some of my hardest times. I know who He is and I had been offended, because of who He is. I needed to forgive Him. I needed to see that when it seems He is not answering my prayer the way I think it needs to be answered, He is trying to show me more. I have to remember that He is Love. He is all knowing and He knows what I need more than I do. He is not, just not answering my prayers. He knows I need to learn more. What is it that He is trying to help me see? If I will wait with Him, and not take offence, what is it that He is trying to teach me? Can I hear Him speak? Am I willing to listen?

Oswald Chambers, "Am I therefore justified in being dejected and in blaming God? Whenever we insist that God should give us an answer to prayer we are off track. The purpose of prayer is that we get ahold of God, not of the answer. It is impossible to be well physically and to be dejected, because dejection is a sign of sickness. This is also true spiritually. Dejection spiritually is wrong, and we are always to blame for it."

Teens and Sex

2011-02-03T03:44:00.000-08:00

Proverbs 4:23, "Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life." (NLT)

How can you watch TV or listen to music, without thinking about sex? I cannot imagine what it would be like growing up in this society today, where you cannot even listen to music without thinking of the video that plays in your mind. Our kids are on the front lines of the battle and we as adults are standing on the sideline watching as our kids are fighting alone. Some people may have problems with me speaking to the kids about sex during our high school lunches. Some may think that I share too much and that I should not be telling the kids that I used to be a stripper, or the other realities of my past life. But I cannot help it, I have to put my own life on the line for these kids who are being bombarded every day with the illusions and lies of the world. Out of courtesy to the parents, I feel I need them to hear as well.

Sophia's Kitchen: We have spent this entire year focusing on sex as we have talked with the girls. It is a big issue and we only have a few minutes to talk with them. We started out with our heroes. Those women who have gone before, who were married like Christ intended, untouched. We shared with the girls the triumphal entry into a life without the major regrets of sexual sin. While they were young, these women stood against the desire to fit in with others around them and to guard their bodies. They have lived very cool lives! One of our heroes travelled throughout Europe and started her own business before she dated at all. She found her identity, before she committed to marriage. Another hero is a cool snowboarding beauty. As her now husband proposed to her she had to take off her purity ring to put on her engagement ring. As she did this, the realities of what she had been fighting for hit her and she handed him her purity ring with the most beautiful words, "This is for you!" We started with the heroes who fought the fight while they were young, but then we moved to the stories of redemption. I have told my story, but it has not been to glamorise my past, but to tell of the wonderful saviour who can bring purity to those who no longer feel pure. We needed to be able to speak to all of our girls and leave none out.

Hoodlum Lunch: I spoke to the boys about pornography and the addiction they are faced with every day. I did not plant any seeds in their minds that would make them fall, but I told the truth about what the media sells as a lie. It is important for them to hear how this makes a woman feel. You hear many wives speak about the heartache they find when their husband struggles with pornography. The heartache comes from God, for He made us for our husbands. When men struggle with looking at other women, it makes us feel like less of a woman. I had to open up to the boys in order for them to hear me. I was a woman that could not please my ex-husband because of his pornography. I have seen the destruction of it first hand. “Meaninglessness does not come from being weary of pain. It comes from being weary of pleasure.” (RZ) A masculine man will help others around him to be more pure. A macho man will think that his next sexual experience is a conquest, and that is what makes him great.

We seem to think that we cannot talk to our kids about the realities of sex. We think that if we do not talk about it, then it is not real. They are in a fight, and the fight is for their hearts. Many of them have porn on their phones. As they watch TV, even the commercials are filled with sex. The songs they listen to are no longer just songs, but as they listen the video is played in their minds. Our girls are being taught that they need to be the aggressor. Our boys are addicted to pornography before they even reach puberty. One of my college girls, I have many, was raped last year when she got drunk at a party and passed out. The boy who committed the dreadful act said in one of his college classes, "If a girl gets drunk and passes out, it is her own fault." No remorse. No hiding what he had done. This is what our boys are being taught. This is what our girls are being reduced to. We are in a fight for their hearts, for their lives. It is not a joke! It is not to be dismissed in the hopes that it will all go away. It is here and we are in a fight for our kid's lives.

Writing on the Wall, New Year Resolutions

2011-01-08T06:04:00.000-08:00

Daniel 5:3-6, "So they brought in the gold goblets that had been taken from the temple of God in Jerusalem, and the king and his nobles, his wives and his concubines drank from them. As they drank the wine, they praised the gods of gold and silver, of bronze, iron, wood and stone. Suddenly the fingers of a human hand appeared and wrote on the plaster of the wall, near the lamp stand in the royal palace. The king watched the hand as it wrote. His face turned pale and he was so frightened that his legs became weak and his knees were knocking."

The writing on the walls of our lives, that is why we make New Year resolutions. We see something in ourselves and we become determined to change the coarse that we have been taking. We see the writing on the wall, but all too often we are not convinced and our hearts do not change.

Not too long ago, I went to the doctor and checked my blood to see how it was doing. It was not good. My blood cells were stressed, there was toxins and yeast, and nothing was moving as it should. I was convicted and found that my sin, my idol, was gluttony,(blog titled, "New Life/Freedom Living" 6-24-10). I knew the coarse that I needed to take in order to have good health. And so, for about six months I did really good. I was diligent and not even really tempted to give in. Then, I went to the doctor again and did another check with my blood. I could see the difference in my blood under the microscope. My blood looked wonderful. I had fat plump cells. No yeast or toxins were detected and everything looked very healthy. Then Christmas entertainment and holiday parties came. I did not heed the to the diet that I knew could make a difference. I ate and drank whatever was presented to me. One month later, after my last doctor visit, I went back to the doctor and had another blood test. I was back to square one, in just one month!

How many times does this happen to us? We know how to change our life. We know what it takes to be healthy. We understand that if we keep living as we desire, satisfying every want that our physical bodies want, that we are one day going to be caught with the writing on the wall. We will not be able to blame anyone else. We will not have another chance one day. One of these times is going to be our last chance at playing Russian roulette.

Oswald Chambers, "We seem to think that God wants us to give up things! God purified Abraham from this error, and the same process is at work in our lives. God never tells us to give up things just for the sake of giving them up, but He tells us to give them up for the sake of the only thing worth having, namely, life with Himself. It is a matter of loosening the bands that hold back our lives."

God has shown me the path to life. He has graciously given me time and now He is calling me to a path of life that will ultimately give me life. My hearts desire has to be for Him and the life that He is offering me. I can no longer hold on to the idols of my past. I cannot just eat whatever is placed in front of me. I cannot be a slave of things, but live free in the path that I have been shown. If I do not heed the warning that has been written on the wall, one day I may end up a prisoner trapped in a broken body. New Year resolutions are good, but it takes a true change of heart to stay with with them. All too often we stay the coarse for about 6 months. Then we start feeling safe and do not see the true need any more. Then all of a sudden we find ourselves right back where we started. If you have seen the writing on the wall, have you allowed that insight to change your heart, so that He can change your desires. The desire is life. The idol is a life trapped by what we worship. What has been your idol? What have you been worshipping? What has been the writing on your wall?

http://video-knowthecause.com/Home.aspx

What is your True Desire?

2010-12-11T07:16:00.000-08:00

Something was brought to my attention the other day that I feel needs to be addressed. This is the question, "Is it okay for Christians to smoke marijuana?" This is a legitimate question. There are three local dispensaries right around us for medical marijuana. This is a question that many have for it seems that the government is now for marijuana, because they are selling it! So, I started searching. One of my favorite places for research is the blog, Evidence for God from Science. So much of my research on this topic comes from Richard Deem who is a brilliant scientist and professor. I am not going to go into the scientific research that he does. You can go to his blog and read all you want on the science of marijuana. In fact, I encourage you to do so. I am going to talk from my personal experience. So here we go...

When I think of smoking marijuana, or getting drunk, or taking other drugs that get in the way of my mind working as it should, I immediately think of my relationship with God and other people. Oh, yes those physical feelings that I experience in the moment of that high are alluring, but the consequences that come afterwards are what keeps coming to my mind. It is not really the detrimental consequences that I think of. It is the consequences of being able to have that relationship that I so desperately need from my God and others around me. "Jesus replied:‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your MIND.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.'" (Matthew 22:37). How are we loving our Lord, our God with all of our mind if we are blocking hearing Him with the things we place in us?

For me, in this time of my life, I no longer worry about the sexual consequences of sleeping with the wrong guy because I get drunk, or about any of the physical consequences that many war against when they are young. The consequences that keep my attention are the consequences that I see with my relationship with my God. My God is not just an opinion that I have. He is the center of my life and we have a very real relationship together. Why would I do something that would get in the way of this relationship? The only answer that I can come up with are these: I either do not really believe that I can have a true relationship with Him, or I do not really love Him as He has instructed me to love Him, or I am just too concerned about myself and what I want in that moment to really care about Him or about how I am affecting others around me. Basically, am I being selfish and just concerned about what I want in that moment. Not about the whole picture that God sees in every decision that I make in every moment.

“An opinion is a position you hold with a varied degree of intensity that merely voices your preference. A conviction is that which is rooted in your conscience. So that if you were to toy with your opinions you are going to be jossiling with your preferences. If you are going to toy with a conviction you are going to have to deal with your conscience before you altered it," (RZ, Convictions that conquered the world).

My God and what He expects from me is not just an opinion that I hold, but a conviction that has change my life forever. 2 Timothy 3:1-5, "People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, LOVERS OF PLEASURE RATHER THAN LOVERS OF GOD, having a form of godliness but denying its power." I cannot seek myself first, but Him and I know that when I allow myself to indulge in the physical pleasures of something that will alter my mind, then I know that my relationship with Him will be altered. I am not willing to give Him up. This is a conviction for me, not just an opinion. I have done my research. I have experienced this life with Him as my center. I know what I have and what I could loose.

I have found my freedom in Christ and through Him I choose to never be a slave to something that will control my life. I am a bond servant to my Lord. I am no longer a slave to drugs that call you every waking moment. I can now have fun without them. I know what gives me true life. I am not blind to what the world offers as life, but what it will destroy in the process. That moment of getting high may not affect you physically while you are doing it. You may not suffer one bit for that pleasure that you seek, but you will be affected and so will those that you do it with. It will get in the way of your relationship with Christ, and your ability to hear God clearly. Those that you do it with, will not be able to see God through you like you wish they could. You will not be able to love the Lord your God as He has called you to and you will not be able to love those around you like you think you can, if you are getting high. Are you really a Christian, a Christ follower?

"Then He [Jesus] said to them all: 'If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for Me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?' (Luke 9:23-25)" Who are you really following if you are a slave to your physical desires? Do you hold to an opinion or to a conviction? Do the research and find the truth.

Click on the title above "What is your True Desire" and it will take you to your first form of research on this matter. Then search more and learn the truth. At the bottom of this link there are two other "Related Pages, 'The Medical Benefits of smoking Marijuana', and 'Does the bible talk about Drugs.'" Find out what you stand on, Opinion or Conviction.

Rejecting God

2010-11-10T17:34:00.000-08:00

1 Samuel 8, “'Look,' they told him, 'you are now old, and your sons are not like you. Give us a king to judge us like all the other nations have.' Samuel was displeased with their request and went to the Lord for guidance. 'Do everything they say to you,' the Lord replied, 'for it is Me they are rejecting, not you. They don’t want Me to be their king any longer. Ever since I brought them from Egypt they have continually abandoned Me and followed other gods. And now they are giving you the same treatment. Do as they ask, but solemnly warn them about the way a king will reign over them.'”

I had a vision the other day about this verse. I will pertain it to my life. When I was young all that I ever wanted was a husband. I wanted someone to come in and save me from myself. I desired nothing more than to be married. All the while God was calling me to be His. He desired for me to want Him. He had come to save me from myself and He knew that no one else could give me what I truly desired. However, I would not listen to Him. I desired a husband and no one could stop me from my pursuit. He tried to warn me. All of my friends were against me getting married (the first time). But I was determined, I just knew getting married would solve all of my problems. So I did.

As I look back upon my choice, I can see all of the warnings. I could hear every living being on earth screaming at me to stop what I was doing, but my mind was made up and I was running away to Vegas to prove them wrong.

"A king, a husband to rule over you. Don't you know that I love you and if you will wait with Me I will give you a better life than you could ever imagine. I love you and I desire to be your Husband. I will not rule over you like the wrong man will. I will love you and I will cherish you. You are my bride and I will take care of you. Don't you trust me." These were the words that God was whispering to my heart, but my desire made it so that I could not hear Him. I not only could not hear Him, I did not want to.

How many times have our own desires led us down the wrong path in our life. If we could learn the lesson without the heartache things would go so much easier. But, as a child of God, I am just like my children. They learn better when there is a little pain involved, or if I make there situation uncomfortable.

I am not against desiring marriage. I am married to a wonderful man, but when we got married, Jason was not my desire. I married Jason out of obedience to God. This time my focus was different. This time my focus was on God, and through my husband, I have been able to see what God had desired for me all along. He desires for me to be happy. He desires for me to live a life full of love. He desires for me to be in a relationship with Him first, so that He can bless my relationships that I have with others. It is all about my focus. It is all about my desire. The hard part is when we continually refuse to listen to His gentile whispers of love, He will finally let you have what you want. The problem is that our dreams rarely coincide with reality.

What are you desiring? Where is your focus? “It is important for you and me to know that God is not really giving us a more ethical way by which to live, but He is giving us a life that we could never manufacture on our own; by changing our hearts and changing our hungers.” (RZ) It took several years for my desire to be for my husband or for my marriage. God needed me to focus on Him so that He could change me from within. Then my life was changed in a more dramatic way than I could have ever imagined. He changed my heart and my hunger was for Him alone. Now because He knows my heart to be faithful to Him, my desire for my husband, for my marriage is extreme. I have what I always desired, but He first had to know that I desired Him more. I have my dream, but it is not because I am married to the perfect man. He is good, but he is not perfect. I have a wonderful life because God is my focus and my true life. I was rejecting God because of my desire for a husband. I now desire God and I am blessed, for I finally started to listen.

Honey in the Rock

2010-10-23T05:46:00.000-07:00

It can be so hard and frustrating to try and counsel someone that is not a believer in Christ, nor do they have any desire to be. There is no hope in that counsel. There is no life there, and it seems, no answers for them. Now, I have so much bottled up. I must share my hope. We all struggle with times of depression. We all have those moments when we want to pull the covers back over our heads and not face the light of day. Our tendency is to want to feed the depression. Instead of fighting against it, we all want to give in and embrace our feelings. We turn on music that will give us a feeling of entitlement to our attitude. We want to watch depressing movies that allow us to share our emotions with someone else. Even if it is just through an actor playing a part. We go toward the darkness instead of fleeing from it. We think that we are better off and it is better for us to accommodate our lives to how we are feeling. Instead, of fighting against the feelings, we embrace them.

Here is the part that saddens me when speaking to an unbeliever who is suffering with depression, I don't know how to encourage them to come out of their imprisonment. It is during those hard times that we as followers of Christ can feel Him. He is found in the rocks of life. "But I would feed you with the finest foods. I would satisfy you with wild honey from the rock,” (Psalm 81). When those hard times in life are felt, when we see a rock in front of us that seems impenetrable, it is then that we can see the mighty hand of God helping us over, around, and through that obstacle.

Honey is the taste of God. Honey is the sweetness of God that can be found in the most outrageous of places. When we are faced with situations that would appear as though we would die, that is when the sweetness of God can truly be tasted. Psalm 119:103, "How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!" There is enough strength in honey to make a weak man strong. When the men would go out into battle and they were worn from exhaustion, if they could just get a little honey it would give them enough strength to continue on and win the battle.

It is often that God is the most intense during the darkest and most difficult times in our life. There is enough of God in every rock, on every path of life, to help you take another step. We are not to embrace the feelings of depression, but to find the honey that is offered there. Some love the darkness, but they are missing the best part of that darkness by rejecting the sweetness of God. That true sweetness is only found by those who are willing to listen to Him. He is the only One who can really give you life and a joy that surpasses all here on this earth.

Oswald Chambers, "When we are born again, the Holy Spirit begins to work His new creation in us, and there will come a time when there is nothing remaining of the old life. Our old gloomy outlook disappears, as does our old attitude toward things, and 'all things are of God' (2 Corinthians 5:18)... Once we truly see God at work, we will never be concerned again about the things that happen, because we are actually trusting in our Father in heaven, whom the world cannot see." Can you taste the Honey in the rock?

Walls

2010-10-15T05:23:00.000-07:00

The older my son gets, the more I can see me in my relationship with my God. In this case, I am in the place of God in my relationship with my son, as God is to me in our relationship. I love my son no matter what, but when he disobeys me, he is the one building the walls between us. It is a matter of constant little disobedience that builds those walls one brick, one rebellious moment at a time.

Just the other night I had had my fill of those rebellious moments. I asked him to go and take a shower. Which in reply, he informed me that he just needed to wash his feet. This went back and forth several times, till I just said, "Go." When he came out he had only washed his feet! Then I very firmly told him, he better get in there and wash his whole body, now. When he got out he did another subtle little act of disobedience and the scolding was on. He thought it was my fault and I was being too hard on him. For this act was so small, but it was a combination of them all, all day long, that I was seeing. After we shared some tears, I explained to him that when he obeys me we have a good relationship. But, when he disobeys me, he is the one building the walls between us. It is his act of rebellion that places those feelings of rejection, anger, aloneness, all those negative feelings he thinks that I am responsible for, he is the true owner of those feelings. He is the one responsible for building that wall.

How we can become so concerned with our parts of obedience that we forget that God sees the whole picture, not just that act, in that moment. We think, "But, I am doing so good. Did you see that I sacrificed here? I gave my part in that... here." Jesus had just one thing to say about doing our little acts of obedience in one area, while neglecting the others. “What sorrow awaits you teachers of religious law and you Pharisees. Hypocrites! For you are careful to tithe even the tiniest income from your herb gardens, but you ignore the more important aspects of the law—justice, mercy, and faith. You should tithe, yes, but do not neglect the more important things..." (Matthew 23:23) The emphasis was on doing your part in all God is calling you to do, not just one area. He did not say that you could just pick one area and leave out something else. No, He said, "tithe, yes..." As we give back to God we do not get to choose just one thing and leave out the rest of the body. Tithe, then do whatever else He is telling you to do. It is not a choice between different things, but to do as much you can, as often as you are presented with the opportunity. Some may think, "but I do not work at the church building this scripture is for them, not me." Be careful. There is more. We cannot take just one thing that Jesus says and leave out another part. “But I warn you—unless your righteousness is better than the righteousness of the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees, you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven!" (Matthew 5:20). No, every bit is for everyone.

How many times do we have an opportunity to serve, or to love on someone, or to open our home up and have someone over, or to give that little extra bit of money in our pocket? How many times do we neglect the subtle nudges from God to obey? How many times have we disobeyed Him and in return built a small piece of wall between the two of us. How many times have we neglected to spend that precious moment with just Him, so that we will be better equipped to deal with the rest of this life that is facing us?

We are not called to be like our pastor, our teacher, our friend, or our neighbor. We are called be like Christ. He is our example and He is perfect. He always gave first. He always considered those special moments alone with God to be most valuable. He always gave everything He had. He never asked for anything in return, except for us to do as He does. Do we? Or are we slowly building a wall between us and Christ by what we do not do? It is not a matter of salvation. That was done by Christ alone, on the Cross. It is a matter of whether or not we are willing to obey or not. We cannot have that pure relationship with Christ that we desire if we are constantly building walls between us.

Remembering When

2010-10-13T05:29:00.000-07:00

Remembering where I came from...
I always wanted to get married. I had a desire to make things right and I thought that if I were to get married, then all of my troubles would be solved. I was fifteen when I lost my virginity and it was then that I knew I needed help. I spent the next seven years trying to fit my desire to get married on to any and every guy that came my way. I did not care what kind of guy he was. Actually, most of the time I preferred the kind of guy that sort of scared me. I liked the thrill of the moment and for some reason, because he scared me, I felt safe in his arms. My seven years were spent trying to find a husband. So, at twenty-two I ran off to Los Vegas and got married to the guy that I had been dating for one year. Being married to him did not solve my problems at all. In fact, it multiplied them.

I was always running to the wrong thing to save me. I was always looking to a guy to fill that deep wound in my heart. I thought that being married would solve my problems. I think most girls feel this way. They may no longer have the desire to get married, for most are scared to death of marriage, because of all the marriages they see falling apart around them. But, most are looking to the wrong things to make them feel safe, secure, powerful, and wanted.

I stayed married to him for four years. During that time all hell had broken loose. I became addicted to drugs; pornography and the sex industry were running ramped all around me, until I myself became a stripper. My life was falling apart. I was dying. It was in the most horrible time of my life that I discovered how to call to God. It was during this time that I finally was able to let God take control of my life, for I could finally see how truly lost I was without Him.

"I will praise the Lord at all times. I will constantly speak His praises. I will boast only in the Lord; let all who are helpless take heart. Come, let us tell of the Lord’s greatness; let us exalt His name together. I prayed to the Lord, and He answered me. He freed me from all my fears. Those who look to Him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces. In my desperation I prayed, and the Lord listened; He saved me from all my troubles. For the angel of the Lord is a guard; He surrounds and defends all who fear Him. Taste and see that the Lord is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in Him!" (Psalm 34)

I often go back in my mind to who I was without Christ. I often share my most horrible sins with others. For in doing this, my memory is kept right with God. This keeps me on my knees thanking Him for saving me when I called to Him for help. I know who I am without Him. Without Him, I am a lier, a thief, an adulterous woman, a prostitute. Without Him, I am nothing and I know it.

"Come, my children, and listen to me, and I will teach you to fear the Lord. Does anyone want to live a life that is long and prosperous? Then keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies! Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it. The eyes of the Lord watch over those who do right; His ears are open to their cries for help. But the Lord turns His face against those who do evil; He will erase their memory from the earth. The Lord hears His people when they call to Him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed."

I used to believe that I had to have it all together before God would hear me cry. I used to think that I had to be perfect first, before He would save me. God is not looking for a perfect person. "Jesus said, 'It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.'" (Matthew 9:12) What He wants is a heart that will turn to Him. What He desires is for the sinner to realize who they really are without Him. What He wants is for us to know how far we can fall when we are not relying on Him. What He wants is to give us a new life. “It is important for you and me to know that God is not really giving us a more ethical way by which to live, but He is giving us a life that we could never manufacture on our own; by changing our hearts and changing our hungers.” (RZ)

I cannot take credit for the life that I live now. I cannot take credit for the great marriage that I now have. I cannot take credit for anything that I rejoice in, for I know where to give that credit. I tried to make my own life and it fell apart. He has given me a life now that I could have never dreamed up on my own. He has given me this life, because my heart and my desires are now for Him alone. Some may think that I am over the top. A crazy, insane person, because all I talk about is God. But I know how far I can fall without Him. Do you? Or do you give yourself credit for the life that you are living? If you do, be careful. One day you make wake up and the pride that you feel in yourself, may just slap you in your face. Don't wait till you are on the wrong side of life before you give your life to Him...

Shatter the Teeth of the Wicked!

2010-10-09T07:02:00.000-07:00

Oswald Chambers, "I cannot save and sanctify myself; I cannot make atonement for sin; I cannot redeem the world; I cannot right what is wrong, purify what is impure, or make holy what is unholy. That is all the sovereign work of God..."

I do not have all of the answers. I cannot mend a broken heart. I cannot help the hopeless or save someone form destruction, but I can point them to the One that can. I have no answers for the unbeliever, for anything that I say is really hopeless without God. I can give them godly advise and leave it at that, but I cannot change their life. He must do that. You can cry to God when you feel wronged, and if you want something bad to happen to that person, you can tell Him that as well. That is one thing that I love about my God. He can take your anger. He can hear you when you are alone. He can comfort you when you feel abandoned. He can help you when you have anger and resentment against another person. You can call on Him and ask Him to take revenge on the wrong that someone has done to you. Give your troubles and cares to Him so that you become free.

Psalm 3,7, "Arise, O Lord! Rescue me, my God! Slap all my enemies in the face! Shatter the teeth of the wicked!... Arise, O LORD, in your anger; rise up against the rage of my enemies. Awake, my God; decree justice... He (the one that has hurt me) who is pregnant with evil and conceives trouble gives birth to disillusionment. He who digs a hole and scoops it out falls into the pit he has made. The trouble he causes recoils on himself; his violence comes down on his own head. I will give thanks to the LORD because of his righteousness and will sing praise to the name of the LORD Most High."

How thankful I am that I can cry out to God when someone wounds me. I can tell Him to bring catastrophe back upon them, and it is okay. It is okay for me to feel anger and for me to express that feeling to God. He can handle it. We just have to remember to give it to the only One who needs to deal with it, instead of letting that wound grab hold of our heart and letting it destroy us instead of them. Cry out to God. Ask Him to bring justice upon them. Give them to God. Then after you have made your case with God, after you have given your cries to Him, allow Him to heal you.

(OC), "If I construct my faith on my own experience, I produce the most unscriptural kind of life— an isolated life, with my eyes focused solely on my own holiness. Beware of that human holiness that is not based on the atonement of the Lord. It has no value for anything except a life of isolation— it is useless to God and a nuisance to man. Measure every kind of experience you have by our Lord Himself. We cannot do anything pleasing to God unless we deliberately build on the foundation of the atonement by the Cross of Christ."

After we have taken our case to Christ, we must let it go. For if we are constantly focused on the sins others have done to us, we miss the Cross given to us. We become a people always comparing our lives with other people, instead of comparing it with the only One who is perfect. Our standards become low. We start looking at others and thinking, "but I would never do that. I am not saying the same things that person is saying. I am not as bad as..." After we have taken our case of pain to God, we need to turn and focus our life on Christ. He is the only One who we need to compare our life to. In keeping our focus on Him, we can see who we really are without Him. In keeping our focus on the Cross, our own hearts will not become hard to others who sin against us. For really, compared to Him, we are all lost. Tell God your deepest wounds. Cry to Him and beg Him to take vengeance on them. Then release your hold on them and focus your life on the Cross.

In my Health

2010-10-08T06:20:00.000-07:00

In my health, I have been reading Job. In a time of my life when things are going well for me, I have been reading Job. This has been good. Often in times of pain and torment, I have turned to this book to help me. This time I turn to it in my health. In reading it I can set myself out of the pain and look at the whole picture without the physical resentment of what is happening to me. In my health, I can see how truly shallow I am.

So often we think that our lives really affect God. We have a tendency to believe that He needs us. We think that we deserve good from Him, because we have been so good. Because we think this way, when catastrophe happens, we turn against God. We become like little children who think that they deserve a special treat for being good. We do things "for God", but in reality we are serving Him for what He will give us in return. We do this in our lives all of the time. Everything we do, we are looking for reward. And when that reward does not come, we become bitter and hurt, for we deserved better than what we got. All God ever desired from us is our heart. He desires our love. And in return, we work for Him, to get more from Him. Do we know how to love Him? Are we willing to worship Him?

Oswald Chambers, "Isn’t it humiliating to be told that we must come to Jesus! Think of the things about which we will not come to Jesus Christ. If you want to know how real you are, test yourself by these words— 'Come to Me...' In every dimension in which you are not real, you will argue or evade the issue altogether rather than come; you will go through sorrow rather than come; and you will do anything rather than come the last lap of the race of seemingly unspeakable foolishness and say, 'Just as I am, I come.' As long as you have even the least bit of spiritual disrespect, it will always reveal itself in the fact that you are expecting God to tell you to do something very big, and yet all He is telling you to do is to 'Come...'”

In my health, I am not consumed with self pity. In my health. I can see Him. So I am writing this, in my health, to remind me of who my God is and why I serve Him. I serve Him, because I love Him. I love Him, because He loved me first. I try my best not to sin. Not because I want a reward, but because He freed me from my slavery to sin. I worship Him, because He deserves to be worshiped. I respect Him because He deserves my respect. Not because of who I am, or what He has done for me, but because of who He is. I try to do my best, not to make Him love me more, but to not destroy His reputation that He has placed in my care. Why do I serve Him? Because, He is God and He deserves my worship!

(OC), "How often have you come to God with your requests and gone away thinking, 'I’ve really received what I wanted this time!' And yet you go away with nothing, while all the time God has stood with His hands outstretched not only to take you but also for you to take Him. Just think of the invincible, unconquerable, and untiring patience of Jesus, who lovingly says, 'Come to Me...'”

True Light

2010-09-27T06:22:00.000-07:00

John 8:12, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."

The difference between real light and artificial light. I am going to start with the use of a flashlight at night. When it is dark outside we like to have a flashlight to help us find our way in the dark. If we are lost, we are very grateful for that flashlight in our hand, but what we are really longing for is the comfort of the sun. The sun takes away all of the dark, scary corners where the light of the flashlight will not reach. The sun is warm and brings new light and new hope to a dark and scary world. The truth is we are very thankful for our flashlight while it is dark, but there is a catch. Our flashlight is not very reliable. When we are getting very desperate, our flashlight may be getting worn too and its batteries will start to fail. It is only reliable for a short time, to help start us on our journey. We find comfort in using this light, for we have some control with this light. We can direct it where we want it to shine, and we can turn it on and off as we please. But, like I said, this light is not reliable, for one day it will fail.

In contrast to artificial light the light of God is not controllable. We do not have power over this light and at times this can be very scary and frustrating, especially when we see the sun going down and the darkness of night coming. But unlike our artificial light the light of Christ is very dependable and will never fail us. This light will give us strength and encouragement when we do not think there is any hope left for He is consistent. Ps 112:4, "Even in darkness light dawns for the upright..."

As believers in Christ we are called to be a light to the world. We are the artificial light of Christ. We can give hope and encouragement for a short time, but eventually our light will fail and our comfort will disappear for those who are just dependent on us. This is also true of false gods. These false gods can never give to you what you are looking for. Yes, you can direct them and have some sense of control over them, but this is a false sense of security. It is the light of the One true God that will never fail you nor forsake you. He is consistent. He is reliable. You have no control over Him. It is in this lack of control over Him, where you find that He has given you strength.

Psalm 139, "...If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, 'Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,' even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!"

Because we see things with our human eyes, we do not see them correctly. Especially, when it seems there is darkness surrounding them. We do not understand that He see everything perfectly, and if we will learn to follow the one who is the maker of true light, that is where our joy will be found. He is the light of the world and in Him there is no darkness. It is only in learning to follow the true light that we find real comfort in this world. It is in His true light that we can finally see the truth. We cannot direct this light and we have no control over this light, but in this lack of control, we can finally learn to let go of our bondage and live free. He has found you. You just have to learn to seek Him. For a time you may need to learn from those He has called to be a light to the world, but then you will need to learn to follow the true light on your own. It is in this following Him, that you will truly be able to see.

Light is beautiful

2010-09-22T04:58:00.000-07:00

John 12:44-46, "Then Jesus cried out, 'When a man believes in Me, he does not believe in Me only, but in the One who sent Me. When he looks at Me, he sees the One who sent Me. I have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in Me should stay in darkness.'"

If Jesus is the light of the world, then what are we loving when we are loving the darkness? There are constantly new movies coming out that have a theme of darkness. There are books that we let our young girls read that encourage them to give themselves over to darkness. Our culture is obsessed with the darkness. Our physical desires change when the darkness comes, for that is when we believe that our desire is hidden. We go out after dark and party, then we sleep all day. We have a tendency to think that there is beauty in darkness and we believe there is comfort in pain. If you think that you have never loved darkness, don't deceive yourself. Look back across the path of your life and see where the truth lays. Look back and see where you have loved the darkness and where you are still drawn to it today. If there is always drama in your life, then there may be a reason. If you are constantly fighting and there is constant strife in your life, then there is a good chance you are hanging on to the darkness, instead of the light. I am going to use insects here to demonstrate a point on how we are with light and life.

Have you ever wondered why some insects are drawn to the light on your front porch? There are some insects that use light as there guide at night. So, when they see your front porch light they become confused and start trying to follow that light in order to find their way in the darkness. Some insects are still attracted to the artificial light even after the natural light source is given. Some scientists believe that this attraction may not be for the light at all, but for the darker areas that surround that light. Other insects are instantly repelled by any light and will run as soon as a light is turned on.

The example of the insects can be a good illustration on the light that we are seeking, or that we are running away from. Are we allowing the natural light of Christ to guide us? Can we distinguish between true light and the imitation given by others. Are we like the cockroach and really repelled by the light? Do we fool ourselves into still believing a certain thing even after the truth has been revealed to us?

Proverbs 4:18-19, "The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day. But the way of the wicked is like deep darkness; they do not know what makes them stumble." Can you see the path with which you are following? Do you know how to love the light? Have you been fooled into believing that the darkness is beautiful?

Oswald Chambers, "To have a master and teacher is not the same thing as being mastered and taught. Having a master and teacher means that there is someone who knows me better than I know myself, who is closer than a friend, and who understands the remotest depths of my heart and is able to satisfy them fully. It means having someone who has made me secure in the knowledge that he has met and solved all the doubts, uncertainties, and problems in my mind... Our Lord never takes measures to make me do what He wants. Sometimes I wish God would master and control me to make me do what He wants, but He will not. And at other times I wish He would leave me alone, and He does not. 'You call Me Teacher and Lord...'— but is He? Teacher, Master, and Lord have little place in our vocabulary. We prefer the words Savior, Sanctifier, and Healer. The only word that truly describes the experience of being mastered is love, and we know little about love as God reveals it in His Word. The way we use the word obey is proof of this. In the Bible, obedience is based on a relationship between equals; for example, that of a son with his father. Our Lord was not simply God’s servant— He was His Son. '...though He was a Son, yet He learned obedience...' (Hebrews 5:8)."

Do we walk in the light as He is in the light? Do we love Him and serve Him because He is our Master, our Lord? Can we find Him when there are so many other distractions in this life lying to us, confusing us on what is really attractive?

My Love

2010-09-21T06:18:00.000-07:00

1 John 5:14, "And we are confident that he hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases Him. And since we know He hears us when we make our requests, we also know that He will give us what we ask for."

Do you know that my requests are being granted. It is not in the money you bring home. It is not the earthly pleasures that you are able to provide for me. My prayers and requests are granted because of the love that you show for our Lord. The more you fall in love with Him, the more you fall in love with me. The two go hand in hand. Eight years today! We have been married for eight years and every day our home gets more secure. It is not because financially we are better off. Christ never promised security in that way. In fact, He would promise security in the opposite direction. Luke 18:22, "The man replied, 'I’ve obeyed all these commandments since I was young.' When Jesus heard his answer, he said, 'There is still one thing you haven’t done. Sell all your possessions and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.'”

I am more proud of you today than I ever was when you drove your Z3. I know where the strength of a man is held. It is not held in his physical strength. No, that always fades. It is not held in how much money he makes. No, the government will make sure of that. It is not shown in his house that he builds, or in this world at all. The strength that I see is a strength that most miss with their eyes, for they are looking through the fog, but I see clearly. I see your strength when you do not panic and you trust in our God. For that is where your true strength is revealed.

I am so proud of you. I am proud of the man you are. I do not see the things of the world as others do. I see God. As long as you are focused on Him, I see your strength. He is what gives true strength to a true man. When I see your anger and discouragement, that is when I have the hardest time, for your focus is taken away from God and my security is shaken. Keep your focus my love. Stay strong. We are doing great.

You have work to do. I have been talking to you a lot about Nehemiah, I see his call in yours. He had a most impossible task before him. The only way he was able to do his job well and complete it, was his focus. He kept his focus on God through all of the trials. He was focused on God while he had a sword strapped to his waist ready to fight the opposition. You are rebuilding a business. Keep your focus on God, but also keep one hand on your sword. You have more strength than any man I have ever met. I know, for I have tested that strength. My love, the main thing a woman wants is security. It is not security that this world offers. All those things are temporal. My greatest need is for you to keep your focus, then I am secure.

Psalm 19, "The heavens proclaim the glory of God. The skies display his craftsmanship. Day after day they continue to speak; night after night they make him known. They speak without a sound or word; their voice is never heard. Yet their message has gone throughout the earth, and their words to all the world...The instructions of the Lord are perfect, reviving the soul. The decrees of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple. The commandments of the Lord are right, bringing joy to the heart. The commands of the Lord are clear, giving insight for living. Reverence for the Lord is pure, lasting forever. The laws of the Lord are true; each one is fair. They are more desirable than gold, even the finest gold. They are sweeter than honey, even honey dripping from the comb."

I have written you many love notes in the past, but this time my job is different. I am called to be your help mate, and this time I am your being you boxing coach. I am here to cheer you on and help you win this fight. I am so proud of you. I am so proud to be your wife. I am so in love with you...

Remember

2010-09-15T06:22:00.000-07:00

Nehemiah 9:5-6, "Stand up and praise the LORD your God, who is from everlasting to everlasting. Blessed be Your glorious name, and may it be exalted above all blessing and praise. You alone are the LORD. You made the heavens, even the highest heavens, and all their starry host, the earth and all that is on it, the seas and all that is in them. You give life to everything, and the multitudes of heaven worship You."

Stand up and praise the Lord. Stand up and remember where you have come from. Many times you hear people say that you need to forget your past and live for Christ and the life and future that He has placed in you and before you. While I agree with this; I disagree with this. I love reading the Old Testament. I like to see the remembrance that brought about true worship. For it is in remembering that we can find life. It is in remembering that we can see how He raised us from the dead.

(9:16-20),"But they, our forefathers, became arrogant and stiff-necked, and did not obey Your commands. They refused to listen and failed to remember the miracles You performed among them. They became stiff-necked and in their rebellion appointed a leader in order to return to their slavery. But You are a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love. Therefore You did not desert them, even when they cast for themselves an image of a calf and said, 'This is your god, who brought you up out of Egypt,' or when they committed awful blasphemies. Because of Your great compassion You did not abandon them in the desert... You gave your good Spirit to instruct them."

In the Old Testament we are always being called to remember. We are being called to remember the sins that have brought others pain, and our own personal sins, so that we can do better today and in the future. We must remember our time of slavery. For if we forget this time, we will not be able to truly praise our God and worship Him for what He does for us now.

Oswald Chambers, "Envy, jealousy, and strife don’t necessarily arise from your old nature of sin, but from the flesh which was used for these kinds of things in the past (see Romans 6:19 and 1 Peter 4:1-3). You must maintain continual watchfulness so that nothing arises in your life that would cause you shame... Many people have turned back because they are afraid to look at things from God’s perspective. The greatest spiritual crisis comes when a person has to move a little farther on in his faith than the beliefs he has already accepted."

We do not need to live in guilt of our sin, but we do need to look continually at the truth of who we are without Christ. If we do not remember who we were, then we run the risk of thinking we saved ourselves from death. If we forget who we were, then we run the risk of becoming that person again. Remember where you came from, so that you can focus on Him today. Do not live in the past, but do not try to forget the lessons from your past either.

Joy of the Lord

2010-09-13T06:12:00.000-07:00

Nehemiah 8:9-12, "'This day is sacred to the LORD your God. Do not mourn or weep.' For all the people had been weeping as they listened to the words of the Law. Nehemiah said, 'Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is sacred to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.' ...because they now understood the words that had been made known to them."

There was a time when someone laid their hands on me and spoke these words over me, "for the joy of the LORD is your strength." I did not really understand it, but now I do. Once we have been set free and we understand the true love of our God, His law and love is our joy. But, in order to have His joy we must first understand His love. So often we have done so wrong in our own life that we cannot see past our own sin in order to hear His voice of hope. There is a time for tears, but what is its role?

Nehemiah 9:1-3, "...the Israelites gathered together, fasting and wearing sackcloth and having dust on their heads. Those of Israelite descent had separated themselves from all foreigners. They stood in their places and confessed their sins and the wickedness of their fathers. They stood where they were and read from the Book of the Law of the LORD their God for a quarter of the day, and spent another quarter in confession and in worshiping the LORD their God."

There is a time of mourning for what we have done. There is this time and there must be, for in our time of sin, something very valuable has died. When we look at God's law there is no way that we can get away from the truth of our sin and this is a very daunting awareness. But, we cannot live in the sadness of our sin. There is hope that has been given and we are once again not living in God's will if we continue to mourn. There is a very needed time of mourning, but there is also a promise that God has given us. We need to learn to take hold of His promises.

God's promises, His hope, His reality, our strength:
Psalm 43:5, "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God." 2 Thessalonians 2:16, "May our Lord Jesus Christ Himself and God our Father, who loved us and by His grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope..." John 11:25-26, "Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in Me will never die. Do you believe this?" Psalm 146:5, "Happy is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the LORD his God..." Romans 15:13, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Have we faced our past and had our time of mourning? Have we learned to read and understand His law so that we can find true joy? Oswald Chambers, "'Come to Me... and I will give you rest' ( Matthew 11:28 ). It is only after we have begun to experience what salvation really means that we surrender our will to Jesus for rest. Whatever is causing us a sense of uncertainty is actually a call to our will— “Come to Me.” And it is a voluntary coming. ...And after you surrender— then what? Your entire life should be characterized by an eagerness to maintain unbroken fellowship and oneness with God." Do you know what the joy of the Lord is? After you have received the love of Christ, do you still weep with bitter tears before Him, or have your tears turned to tears of joy? "...for the joy of the LORD is your strength.' ...because they now understood the words that had been made known to them."

Prayer

2010-09-09T05:48:00.000-07:00

Nehemiah, when you think of him, do you think of his prayers and how they affected his life? I usually don't. But, his prayers were how his life played out. His prayers were how he began his mission. His prayers were what gave him the strength to fight the opposition and the courage to finish his job.

Nehemiah 1:4-7, "When I heard these things, I sat down and wept. For some days I mourned and fasted and prayed before the God of heaven. Then I said: 'O LORD, God of heaven, the great and awesome God, who keeps His covenant of love with those who love Him and obey His commands, let Your ear be attentive and Your eyes open to hear the prayer Your servant is praying before You day and night for Your servants, the people of Israel. I confess the sins we Israelites, including myself and my father's house, have committed against You. We have acted very wickedly toward You. We have not obeyed the commands, decrees and laws You gave Your servant Moses.'"

Nehemiah starts his prayer with the awareness of God's sovereignty and His holy awesomeness. Then before he complains and tells God all that is gone wrong, he first looks at himself and sees the sins that have been committed against God. He starts by looking at God and after he looks at how wonderful God is, he can then see clearly how he has failed himself.

After Nehemiah had spent many days in prayer to God, he was ready for what was to come next. (2:4), "The king said to me, 'What is it you want?' Then I prayed to the God of heaven, and I answered the king...." Nehemiah was ready and waiting for God to show him the right timing and when he was presented with his opportunity to visit with the king he did not jump right in and give the king his answer, but he took the problem to God before he answered the king with his own words.

While they were working hard to rebuild the wall, they were greeted with opposition. But instead of taking the insults personally, Nehemiah knew the one they were really insulting was God, and he asked God to deal with them. (4:4-5), "Hear us, O our God, for we are despised. Turn their insults back on their own heads. Give them over as plunder in a land of captivity. Do not cover up their guilt or blot out their sins from your sight, for they have thrown insults in the face of the builders. So we rebuilt the wall till all of it reached half its height, for the people worked with all their heart."

(4:9), "But we prayed to our God and posted a guard day and night to meet this threat." They believed God. They knew God was in control. They relied on God, but this did not mean that they did not take the necessary precautions while they they were working out God's plan for their life.

(6:9), "They were all trying to frighten us, thinking, 'Their hands will get too weak for the work, and it will not be completed.' But I prayed, 'Now strengthen my hands.'" While they were working, he prayed that God would give them the strength to continue. Nehemiah knew where the strength came from. He knew that without God's help, they would not be able to complete the task.

While Nehemiah was working he kept his focus. (13:29), "Remember them, O my God, because they defiled the priestly office and the covenant of the priesthood and of the Levites." It would have been so easy for him to get bitter against the people and to take out his own revenge, but he knew whose right it was to keep justice. He kept his focus on God and his role with his relationship with God.

(5:19), "Remember me with favor, O my God..." (13:14), "Remember me for this, O my God, and do not blot out what I have so faithfully done for the house of my God and its services." (13:22), "Then I commanded the Levites to purify themselves and go and guard the gates in order to keep the Sabbath day holy. Remember me for this also, O my God, and show mercy to me according to Your great love." (13:31), "Remember me with favor, O my God." In asking God to remember him, Nehemiah kept his mind clear and kept him focused on why he was doing all of this.

As we walk through life, do we take all of what we do before God? When we first see something that is broken, do we begin with asking God to forgive us of our own sins? We are often faced with a task. Can we keep our focus on God and allow Him to deal with the opposition in front of us? Do we think that we do not need to take action to protect ourselves, or do we think that it is showing more faith by being passive? Can we keep our focus on God, while we are working for Him? These are all lessons in prayer that we can learn from the life of Nehemiah. Have we begun our day in pray to God this day? Do we take every issue, everything to God throughout the day?

Hear the Applause?

2010-09-08T06:13:00.000-07:00

What do we applaud in the sake of acceptance? What do we accept in the sake of being a people of grace and forgiveness? What do we not say to someone, in the sake of not judging others? Have we lost sight of what God has called us to? Have we lost our ability to stand alone, all because we are afraid of what others may say about us?

Ezra 9:1-2, "After these things had been done, the leaders came to me and said, 'The people of Israel, including the priests and the Levites, have not kept themselves separate from the neighboring peoples... They have taken some of their daughters as wives for themselves and their sons, and have mingled the holy race with the peoples around them. And the leaders and officials have led the way in this unfaithfulness.'"

From the beginning of God's word, He has called us to be separate from others around us. He never established a rule that said to rejoice in the things that others are doing, but to stand as a light against it. A light of love and truth, but in this light, celebration with them was never encouraged. We have taken the grace that we see in Christ and turned it against the word and law of God. We now say that we accept everyone no matter what they are seeking. We now say that everything is okay and that no matter how anyone is living or what they are worshiping, it is fine and they do not have to change.

Oswald Chambers, "Deliverance from sin is not the same as deliverance from human nature. There are things in human nature, such as prejudices, that the saint can only destroy through sheer neglect. But there are other things that have to be destroyed through violence, that is, through God’s divine strength imparted by His Spirit. There are some things over which we are not to fight, but only to 'stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord...' (see Exodus 14:13). But every theory or thought that raises itself up as a fortified barrier 'against the knowledge of God' is to be determinedly demolished by drawing on God’s power, not through human effort or by compromise (see 2 Corinthians 10:4).

It is only when God has transformed our nature and we have entered into the experience of sanctification that the fight begins. The warfare is not against sin; we can never fight against sin— Jesus Christ conquered that in His redemption of us. The conflict is waged over turning our natural life into a spiritual life. This is never done easily, nor does God intend that it be so. It is accomplished only through a series of moral choices. God does not make us holy in the sense that He makes our character holy. He makes us holy in the sense that He has made us innocent before Him. And then we have to turn that innocence into holy character through the moral choices we make. These choices are continually opposed and hostile to the things of our natural life which have become so deeply entrenched— the very things that raise themselves up as fortified barriers 'against the knowledge of God.' We can either turn back, making ourselves of no value to the kingdom of God, or we can determinedly demolish these things, allowing Jesus to bring another son to glory (see Hebrews 2:10)."

We must be careful what we are embracing today. We must always take what we are encouraging in our society and compare it with what God's law is saying. What religions are we embracing, so that we can say we walk in love? What are we allowing others to do, all so we will not be judged, by them saying we are judging them? What truth are we not seeing in others, so that we do not have to look at the truth in ourselves?

Luke 6:41, "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

In this passage Jesus never said to turn a blind eye, for look at what you are doing yourself. What He was doing was showing us how to help others. First, look at the sin in your own life. Look at the truth in that sin and remove it from your own heart. Then, you are to go and help the others around you, for now you can see clearly, and help them in removing their own sin. We are to stand against sin. We are not called to live rejoicing with others in our own sin and in theirs. What are you applauding today? What are we embracing?

Change of Heart

2010-09-01T05:58:00.000-07:00

2 Chronicles 33:10-13, "The LORD spoke to Manasseh and his people, but they paid no attention. So the LORD brought against them the army commanders of the king of Assyria, who took Manasseh prisoner, put a hook in his nose, bound him with bronze shackles and took him to Babylon. In his distress he sought the favor of the LORD his God and humbled himself greatly before the God of his fathers. And when he prayed to him, the LORD was moved by his entreaty and listened to his plea; so He brought him back to Jerusalem and to his kingdom. Then Manasseh knew that the LORD is God."

As I have been reading the stories of the great kings of old, I have learned many things. One of these things is that no matter how bad you have been in your past, if you will humble yourself, God will forgive you. Manasseh's story begins with with this statement; "He did what was evil in the LORD's sight." He worshiped other god's and even sacrificed his children on alters to them. But then, when all had failed and he was taken as a slave to another land, it was then that he was humble and called out to God. He did not just call out to God in his moment of distress, but he was humbled and had a change of heart. He changed and let go of all that had at one time been so precious to him. His change was real and his heart remained humble toward God.

This is often the part that we have the hardest time with. We see how we have done wrong. We have felt the sting of our sin. Yet, to permanently change; to let go of what we have become accustom with; to allow God to give us new friends; to let God give us a new chance at a new life, that is hard and scary. But, this is part of the test: to see if we have really repented and had a change of heart, or if we are just sorry because of the consequences of our choices. James 4:5-7, "'God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.' Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." If we are humble we will do what we know God is calling us to do. We will not insist that we do things our way, but we will lay down our own desires for Him. If we will humble ourselves long enough and stay strong with God, the devil will flee from us and no longer tempt us in the old ways we lived.

Oswald Chambers, "We must continually remind ourselves of the purpose of life. We are not destined to happiness, nor to health, but to holiness. Today we have far too many desires and interests, and our lives are being consumed and wasted by them. Many of them may be right, noble, and good, and may later be fulfilled, but in the meantime God must cause their importance to us to decrease. The only thing that truly matters is whether a person will accept the God who will make him holy. At all costs, a person must have the right relationship with God. Do I believe I need to be holy? Do I believe that God can come into me and make me holy? ...Never tolerate, because of sympathy for yourself or for others, any practice that is not in keeping with a holy God. Holiness means absolute purity of your walk before God, the words coming from your mouth, and every thought in your mind— placing every detail of your life under the scrutiny of God Himself. Holiness is not simply what God gives me, but what God has given me that is being exhibited in my life."

Have I humbled myself enough and let go of my own desires, to allow God to change me? Christ came as the perfect example of how a humble person is to live. He did not come so that He could be comfortable. He came so that we would know what was truly important and that importance is to be one with God. He wants us to know what it is to live a life for Him. And after we have turned our life over to Him, then He will lift us up and give us true life.

Do the Work

2010-08-26T06:04:00.000-07:00

1 Chronicles 28:9-10, 20, "And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of your father, and serve Him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the LORD searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts. If you seek Him, He will be found by you; but if you forsake Him, He will reject you forever. Consider now, for the LORD has chosen you to build a temple as a sanctuary. Be strong and do the work. ...Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you..."

Young Solomon had to have had many fears and concerns about being chosen for such an enormous task. He had to take on a huge responsibility. A responsibility that would otherwise be the job of an older man, but because of his father's past, he was now responsible. Now it seemed that the weight of the world was upon his shoulders. But, in this dialogue we find the words of this warrior preparing his son for an enormous battle. "Be strong and do the work. ...Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you..."

How often we look out onto our own challenges and find that the task ahead of us seems impossible. We can look at others around us, and see them depending on us for financial security. We may wake in the morning and feel as though the weight of the world is upon our shoulders and that the task is too large for anyone. That is when we hear the words, "Be strong and courageous, and do the work." God is not calling us to sit back and do nothing while He does everything for us. He is calling us to do the work. Do the work that He has set in front of us and He will not forsake you, nor will He fail you. Do you know that when you have diligently sought after God and when you feel you are failing your family, it is not actually you that you feel has failed, but you feel it is God who is failing you.

Oswald Chambers, "There are times in our lives when our peace is based simply on our own ignorance. But when we are awakened to the realities of life, true inner peace is impossible unless it is received from Jesus. When our Lord speaks peace, He creates peace, because the words that He speaks are always 'spirit, and they are life' (John 6:63). Have I ever received what Jesus speaks? '...My peace I give to you...'— a peace that comes from looking into His face and fully understanding and receiving His quiet contentment.

Are you severely troubled right now? Are you afraid and confused by the waves and the turbulence God sovereignly allows to enter your life? Have you left no stone of your faith unturned, yet still not found any well of peace, joy, or comfort? Does your life seem completely barren to you? Then look up and receive the quiet contentment of the Lord Jesus. Reflecting His peace is proof that you are right with God, because you are exhibiting the freedom to turn your mind to Him. If you are not right with God, you can never turn your mind anywhere but on yourself. Allowing anything to hide the face of Jesus Christ from you either causes you to become troubled or gives you a false sense of security.

With regard to the problem that is pressing in on you right now, are you 'looking unto Jesus' (Hebrews 12:2) and receiving peace from Him? If so, He will be a gracious blessing of peace exhibited in and through you. But if you only try to worry your way out of the problem, you destroy His effectiveness in you, and you deserve whatever you get. We become troubled because we have not been taking Him into account. When a person confers with Jesus Christ, the confusion stops, because there is no confusion in Him. Lay everything out before Him, and when you are faced with difficulty, bereavement, and sorrow, listen to Him say, 'Let not your heart be troubled...' (John 14:27)."

Do not doubt God. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not blame Him for your failings, but worship Him and get out there and do the work He has set in front of you. While you are working, be sure and check your heart and your motives and keep them pure before Him. For, He knows our inner most thoughts. "If you seek Him, He will be found by you; ...Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you..."

Prayer of Jabez

2010-08-24T06:50:00.000-07:00

1 Chronicles 4:10, "Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, 'Oh, that You would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let Your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.' And God granted his request."

The power of prayer. Is there any power there? We have been in some very hard times, for some time now. Business is struggling, for who is able to buy right now. In the midst of such pain and suffering, we find Jabez. The prayer of Jabez, in a long list of family genealogy, this is where we find him. He was a man born in pain and suffering. Yet, in the midst of pain and suffering, this is where he cried out to God, and this is where we see his prayer answered. This is where we cry out to God:

"Our Father, our Lord,
Hear our prayer. See our cry. We need You Father. We need You to answer us, for there is nowhere else for us to turn. Oh, that You would bless us and secure our business! Let Your hand be with us, and keep us from harm so that we will be free from pain. We have been open and honest in our dealings. We have honored You with our lives. Be with us Father, for we need You. Please do not hold us accountable for what others have done. We have turned every stone. If there is a stone left unturned, please show us so that we can deal with it."

Oswald Chambers, "Matthew 7:9, 'Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone?' The illustration of prayer that our Lord used here is one of a good child who is asking for something good. We talk about prayer as if God hears us regardless of what our relationship is to Him (see Matthew 5:45). Never say that it is not God’s will to give you what you ask. Don’t faint and give up, but find out the reason you have not received; increase the intensity of your search and examine the evidence. Is your relationship right with your spouse, your children, and your fellow students? Are you a 'good child' in those relationships? Do you have to say to the Lord, 'I have been irritable and cross, but I still want spiritual blessings'? You cannot receive and will have to do without them until you have the attitude of a 'good child.' ...I am a child of God only by being born again, and as His child I am good only as I 'walk in the light' (1 John 1:7). For most of us, prayer simply becomes some trivial religious expression, a matter of mystical and emotional fellowship with God. We are all good at producing spiritual fog that blinds our sight. But if we will search out and examine the evidence, we will see very clearly what is wrong— a friendship, an unpaid debt, or an improper attitude. There is no use praying unless we are living as children of God. Then Jesus says, regarding His children, 'Everyone who asks receives...' (Matthew 7:8)."

"We are not living blind, my Lord. We have done everything that we can do, please hear our cry. 'Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, 'Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.' And God granted his request.' Please Father, help us. 'Everyone who asks receives...'"

Youthful Wisdom

2010-08-20T06:23:00.001-07:00

Of all the kings in the bible, the name Josiah has always rung sweet in my heart. I love how he instantly believed the words of the Lord. I love how even though he was not the cause of the idolatry, he immediately felt remorse and tore his clothes in despair. He was young, eight years old, when he became king. I love that in his youth, he had wisdom, for he instantly listened and believed the Lord's command. In his youth, he knew that immediate action had to take place for all the wrong to be righted. I love that in his youth, the older learned from him. I love that the people respected him and listened to him. I think I love Josiah so much, because in his youth, he was wise.

2 Kings 22:19, "'This is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says concerning the words you heard: Because your heart was responsive and you humbled yourself before the LORD when you heard what I have spoken against this place and its people, that they would become accursed and laid waste, and because you tore your robes and wept in my presence, I have heard you, declares the LORD. Therefore I will gather you to your fathers, and you will be buried in peace."

In his youth, he was a reformer. He did this in spite of his father and grandfather being so exceptionally wicked. The moment he heard the truth, he took action and started clearing up whatever he recognized as not belonging to the worship of the true God. His transformation did not take years of learning the hard way, on how to live. He heard the word and immediately took action against anything that was against God. He starting cleaning house. He cleared away anything that brought back the memories of old sin. Everything and anything was gone. For in transforming your life, you must get rid of everything that brings back the memories of your past. You cannot hold on to that one special treasure that makes you think, "Ah, I remember when..." For those are the memories that will come haunting again the first chance they get.

During this transformation, the people followed Josiah. They carefully took his advise and followed his rule. They had peace during this time. But, they did not transform their own hearts. They followed him, because he was a great leader, but they secretly longed for other things. This is something we all must stop and listen to. As long as Josiah was alive the people prospered under his reign. However, no matter how strong the one you are following is, there comes a time when you will stand alone and you must examine your own heart. This is the time of truth and this is the time for your own personal repentance.

Oswald Chambers, "Whenever anything begins to disintegrate your life with Jesus Christ, turn to Him at once, asking Him to re-establish your rest. Never allow anything to remain in your life that is causing the unrest. Think of every detail of your life that is causing the disintegration as something to fight against, not as something you should allow to remain. Ask the Lord to put awareness of Himself in you, and your self-awareness will disappear. Then He will be your all in all. Beware of allowing your self-awareness to continue, because slowly but surely it will awaken self-pity, and self-pity is satanic. Don’t allow yourself to say, “Well, they have just misunderstood me, and this is something over which they should be apologizing to me; I’m sure I must have this cleared up with them already.” Learn to leave others alone regarding this. Simply ask the Lord to give you Christ-awareness, and He will steady you until your completeness in Him is absolute. ...It is the sick person who really knows what health is..."

If we have been shown what we need to change in our life, then change it. Get rid of the old ways in which you used to live. Clear your cupboards! Whatever you have in your view, that is what will keep you from true restoration with God. No one can do it for you. You must humble yourself before the King and admit to Him what you have done wrong. Then you must take action. This is not a passive life awareness, but a life changing revival. When you see the Lord, you cannot turn a blind eye to your own sin. When you see the Lord, you must learn to follow Him. It may not even be your own sin, but the sin of your parents. This is the time to change the past in your own life. This is the time for you to live.

Where is the Focus?

2010-08-19T06:28:00.000-07:00

Oswald Chambers, "Never allow anything that divides or destroys the oneness of your life with Christ to remain in your life without facing it. Beware of allowing the influence of your friends or your circumstances to divide your life. This only serves to sap your strength and slow your spiritual growth. Beware of anything that can split your oneness with Him, causing you to see yourself as separate from Him. Nothing is as important as staying right spiritually. And the only solution is a very simple one— 'Come to Me...' The intellectual, moral, and spiritual depth of our reality as a person is tested and measured by these words. Yet in every detail of our lives where we are found not to be real, we would rather dispute the findings than come to Jesus."

It is amazing to me how much I need my friends. I need others in my life to calm me. It is amazing to me how I can get so bent out of shape and think that I must be the one to do something. This is when I realize that I am not relying on Christ, but that I put myself in such a high position that I actually think that He needs me to get something done. When in reality, instead of me needing to do the work for Him, He is actually trying to do a work in me.

2 Kings 18, Hezekiah- "He did what was right in the eyes of the LORD, just as his father David had done. He removed the high places, smashed the sacred stones and cut down the Asherah poles. He broke into pieces the bronze snake Moses had made, for up to that time the Israelites had been burning incense to it. Hezekiah trusted in the LORD, the God of Israel. There was no one like him among all the kings of Judah, either before him or after him. He held fast to the LORD and did not cease to follow Him; he kept the commands the LORD had given Moses. And the LORD was with him... In the fourteenth year of King Hezekiah's reign, Sennacherib king of Assyria attacked all the fortified cities of Judah and captured them." Hezekiah became fearful and turned to the Lord. He wore sackcloth and begged the Lord for help. 2 Kings 19, "That night the angel of the LORD went out and put to death a hundred and eighty-five thousand men in the Assyrian camp. When the people got up the next morning—there were all the dead bodies! So Sennacherib king of Assyria broke camp and withdrew. He returned to Nineveh and stayed there." (You really need to read all of 18-20 for the full view of Hezekiah).

This was one of Hezekiah's greatest victories, and he did nothing, but turn to God for help with this daunting reality. Often, we see something and think that we are the ones that must deal with that issue. However, many times we are allowed to see that impossible task so that we will know that only God can conquer it. Hezekiah's first response was to turn to the Lord. Then when Isaiah told Him that the Lord would take care of the problem, he believed. Then, all he had to do was sit back and watch the mighty power of God revealed. Are we like this when life throws us something that seems daunting. Do we think that we have to solve the problem? Are taking our problems to God? Do we listen and trust God when He is speaking to us through others?

My focus needs to remain on Christ. I need to keep my heart and eyes upon Him. I need to remember that in this relationship that I am developing with Him, I will see more, but that does not mean that I see everything, or that I need to do anything. If I will keep my eyes upon Him, He will allow me to see things that I have never before seen. If I will keep my eyes upon Him, then I will learn to wait for Him. If I will keep my eyes upon Him, then I will learn to trust that He is strong enough for any army that is threatening to war against my heart. And in learning to trust Him through everything, then I will live in peace and not have to worry.

Matthew 6:25-34, "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Keeping my eyes on God will allow me to live this day to its fullest. The rest is for Him to conquer. I need to learn to wait upon the Lord, so that I can see His mighty deeds.

Open My Eyes

2010-08-18T06:13:00.000-07:00

2 Kings 6:15-17, "'Oh, my lord, what shall we do?' the servant asked. 'Don't be afraid,' the prophet answered. 'Those who are with us are more than those who are with them.' And Elisha prayed, 'O LORD, open his eyes so he may see.' Then the LORD opened the servant's eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha."

How limited is our view when we look at this life. We cannot see what is really going on. We only see what we think is going on. We see what is right in front of us. When someone says something to us, how often do we take offense, when no offense is needed. We cannot venture out of our own self, and what we feel, to stop and take a real look at the others around us and see life from their point of view. If we cannot stop and see this life from others people's perspective, how are we going to see through the eyes of God and the real truth of this life? How I pray that my eyes would be opened so that I can see through His eyes, even though many of the truths in my own life are hard to look at. But, how can I expect to see others and what they need, if I cannot even look at my own life, all of my life.

Oswald Chambers, "The rich young ruler went away from Jesus speechless with sorrow, having nothing to say in response to Jesus’ words. He had no doubt about what Jesus had said or what it meant, and it produced in him a sorrow with no words with which to respond. Have you ever been there? Has God’s Word ever come to you, pointing out an area of your life, requiring you to yield it to Him? Maybe He has pointed out certain personal qualities, desires, and interests, or possibly relationships of your heart and mind. If so, then you have often been speechless with sorrow. Luke 18:22, 'Sell all that you have...' In other words, rid yourself before God of everything that might be considered a possession until you are a mere conscious human being standing before Him, and then give God that. That is where the battle is truly fought— in the realm of your will before God. Are you more devoted to your idea of what Jesus wants than to Jesus Himself? If so, you are likely to hear one of His harsh and unyielding statements that will produce sorrow in you. What Jesus says is difficult— it is only easy when it is heard by those who have His nature in them. Beware of allowing anything to soften the hard words of Jesus Christ."

When we look back upon our life, there are choices that we have made that we want Christ to change. Many times when we see the hurt in others, we as believers, want Christ to change that hurt and take away the consequences for the one hurting. We pray that God come in and change what has happened and restore what was lost, but we cannot see through the eyes of God. Jesus' words were often hard for the recipient, but He did not soften the blow of His words to make that person feel better in the moment. Jesus was very firm, for in that moment of sorrow, that person has a chance to see the truth of where his hearts desires really are. We can see if our hearts are totally focused on ourself. We can see the pain that we have caused others. It is in the hard truth of Christ's words that we can see, and sometimes that truth brings sorrow. How often do we not see the whole truth in life all because we cannot see past the pain?

There have been things that happen to us and things that we have done that bring us great pain in life. We do not need to war against the pain, for in that pain there may be a mighty army of God fighting for us. We cannot take away the consequences of life choices, but we can learn to follow Christ through the hurt of those choices. His army is bigger than the war we see in front of us. His army is surrounding us and fighting for us in this battle we call life. Be careful to not get in the way of what God is really trying to accomplish in someone's life, just because you want to relieve them of the pain right now. If you block their vision, how are they supposed to see God's work in their life. If someone comes in and tries to sooth you from your own pain, be careful. That temporary relief you feel right now, may block your true restoration.

Mentors

2010-08-12T05:37:00.000-07:00

The mighty men of old, how they can teach us. If we will only open our eyes and our ears for what they have to say to us, we can learn from them in ways that we could never imagine. David, the man after God's own heart. Have you ever noticed that he had Nathan? Nathan was the one who told David the truth about what he saw in David's life. David the king of kings, had a counselor. Everyone needs someone who will tell them the truth, even if that truth hurts. Solomon was the wisest man who ever lived. Have you noticed that he had no one who would give him counsel? No one ever told him his faults, nor pointed out his sin. He was the wisest man, yet his heart turned from God. He surrounded himself with unbelievers, and the wisest man became a fool with his own life. Elijah, he was God's personal messenger, and yet right after he had one of his biggest triumphs with God, he prayed he would die. He felt like he was the only one left who stood with the Lord. He had no one to walk with him on his journey, and this aloneness became one of his greatest struggles. Counselors, friends, we all need someone who will walk with us in truth and love.

2 John 4-6, "How happy I was to meet some of your children and find them living according to the truth, just as the Father commanded. I am writing to remind you, dear friends, that we should love one another. This is not a new commandment, but one we have had from the beginning. Love means doing what God has commanded us, and he has commanded us to love one another, just as you heard from the beginning." Through this journey of life, we all have people surrounding us. In one situation we find that we are the mentor for others. In another place, we find that we are the ones needing the mentoring. No one is immune to this. We all need others with us on this journey. If you think that you do not need to listen to others and that you are fine without their counsel, beware, this is how Solomon felt. David was king and yet he humbled himself enough to listen to Nathan's counsel. Elijah had a most wonderful relationship with God, but his greatest defeat came right after one of his greatest victories; for he was all alone. We need others to walk with us in truth and love, and we need to walk with others with truth and love ourselves.

As I look at my life and the people that influenced me the most, I have to look at the truth in myself and how I have influenced others. I have been been the fool, but I did not have wise counsel and when I was given warnings, I did not listen. I thought that I could do it myself. It was in this, that I found out how far from God I could stray. I spent several years alone with God. This time was good, for I learned how much He loved me, but I needed a friend to walk with me. God has given me friends to walk with me on this journey. They are all different ages. Some are my mentors. They have raised their families and learned to love their husbands. Others are my peers. They are my mighty women. These women walk beside me, going through life at the same stage, learning with me. Yet, others are the sweet young women who are just starting out on their journey of finding who they are. I may be one of their mentors, sharing my joys, pain, and love with them as they learn who God is.

Have you stepped back from your busy life to see the others around you? Do you know who is influencing you the most? Do you know who and how you are influencing others? Oh, don't be deceived. You are influencing others. The question is.... is it for good or is it for bad? Everyone needs someone who can counsel them. Everyone, no matter how strong their relationship with Christ is, needs someone to walk with them and experience and learn life with them. Everyone has someone watching and learning from them. If you have someone willing to love you in truth, you may be blessed as David was blessed. His heart stayed for God, all because his counselor was willing to tell him the hard truth. If you think you need no one's advise, you may be in danger of turning your heart from God like Solomon did. If you are walking high with God, yet you are alone and have no one walking beside you, you are in danger of becoming defeated right after your greatest victory as Elijah did. Do we know that we are someones mentor? Do we know that we need a mentor?

Oswald Chambers, "There are times when there is no storm or crisis in our lives, and we do all that is humanly possible. But it is when a crisis arises that we instantly reveal upon whom we rely. If we have been learning to worship God and to place our trust in Him, the crisis will reveal that we can go to the point of breaking, yet without breaking our confidence in Him." The time will come in our life when we need someone to remind us of our victory through the storm. Another time will come when we will need to walk with them through theirs. It is all about love in truth. We must have relationships to build us in love. We must be that for others.

So Long Insecurity

2010-08-06T06:22:00.000-07:00

Insecurity, who hasn't struggled with this one. The question is, "How do you deal with insecurity, and what are we insecure about?" I have struggled with insecurity. I want to say, more than most, but I know this is probably not true. It is probably more true to say we all struggle with it the same, it just manifests itself differently. My level of insecurity makes me feel like I have been the most insecure woman on earth. That in and of itself proves how insecure I have been. I would like to say that I no longer struggle with such an issue, but that is not true either. I can say that my insecurity has gotten lots better. Some may think I am exaggerating about my insecurity. They may think, "What do you have to be insecure about? Your husband loves you. You have a nice house. You have to be the most secure woman in the room." Insecurity, it is one of my biggest down falls. Those who are around me much at all know how insecure I am, for I am very vocal. But, if I were not so open about so much in my life and if I did not come right out and say what I was thinking, when I was thinking it, I think, I could put on a pretty good front and fool many into believing that I never struggle with much at all. This is what I think most of us do. However, the truth behind most of it, is that we do struggle with insecurity. We struggle with it so much that we become insecure about being insecure.

1 Samuel 22:1-2, "So David left Gath and escaped to the cave of Adullam. Soon his brothers and all his other relatives joined him there. Then others began coming—men who were in trouble or in debt or who were just discontented—until David was the captain of about 400 men." David's mightiest men were men who were on the bottom of life. They were rejected, outcasts who had everything to be insecure about. David, himself, had every reason to be insecure, but his love of God brought him strength and allowed him to see the truth. That truth is- when we have God on our side, we have no reason to be insecure. David inspired these men to achieve beyond their goals and to meet their true potential. David was their inspiration, God was his. So many times these men were outnumbered and from the looks of others, they should have been defeated. 2 Samuel 23, David's mightiest men were found in three and thirty. He had men that were closest to him, who were the greatest warriors in his army. They fought and won great victories. David inspired them to great feats, but the ruler of this great army of men was led by the only One who could give true victory. When David was the most victorious, was when he kept his eyes upon God.

While I still struggle with insecurity, I have found that in this time period in my life, I am the most secure. There was time spent just a few short years ago, that I was so alone. I had no one. Yes, I was married, but I did not love and lean on my husband. I was in a desolate place. It was in this place that I found my strength. I began turning to Christ and allowing Him to give me strength for the first time. Then, as I began growing and allowing Him to give me life, He started to surround me with my mighty men. Only they were my mighty women. My friends are women who have been on the down and outs of life. Women who have been into drugs, adultery, lived life feeling rejected and second best. These women are my mighty women, like David had his mighty men. These women are strong and courageous. They go into battle everyday, but the cool thing is, they know how to arm themselves with shields and weapons that bring them a victory, even when defeat seems to be inevitable. I am not their leader, and they are not mine, but we battle together against the insecurities of this world. Here is the key, we have each had to go through our struggles and places of desolation. We had to go through that time alone, so that we could learn who our true leader was. Our freedom from insecurity is not in our husband, our looks, the money in our hand; It is in Christ our Lord.

If you are in a time of desolation and feeling like you are alone, the only one who... be patient. This time, is a time to overcome. This time is the time to learn Who your true leader is, and Whose you are. Alone time is not always bad. Those feelings of insecurity, the mightiest men have felt them. It is learning how to lean on the right One and how to fight for Him, that is how we become mighty ourselves. A husband will not bring you security, maybe for a moment, but that moment will pass. A child will not bring you security, neither will that friend, or that check. All things on this earth are a temporary security. They will all let you down at some point, and insecurity will start creeping in. It is in keeping our eyes upon our true leader that we can find no insecurity. His eyes will never wander as we get older and our beauty fades. His finances will always be enough to give us bread for this day. His security is the only place that we can never feel insecure. Do we know how to turn to Him as our leader? Are we His mighty men? Are we surrounded by His warriors? Whose mighty men are we as we start each day? Where is your insecurity today? You can overcome this. You just have to learn to follow the right Leader...

Goes Around, Comes Around

2010-08-02T06:31:00.000-07:00

It can be amazing how our past sins can come and slap us in the face. Ahithophel was the counselor that Absalom used to help him while he was taking over his father's (David's) kingdom. 2 Samuel 16:15-23, "Absalom said to Ahithophel, 'Give us your advice. What should we do?' Ahithophel answered, 'Lie with your father's concubines whom he left to take care of the palace. Then all Israel will hear that you have made yourself a stench in your father's nostrils, and the hands of everyone with you will be strengthened.' So they pitched a tent for Absalom on the roof, and he lay with his father's concubines in the sight of all Israel."

Ahithophel was the grandfather of Bathsheba. He knew how to get to David. He used the same exact location to get to David, that David was in when he had first seen Bathsheba. David's sin with Bathsheba had now come in full circle. Now his son was going to sleep with his concubines where everyone could see. He was going to feel the sting of his own sin, in its original place of birth. This is the hardest consequences of sin, sometimes the consequences still come even after you have changed your ways. And, sometimes those consequences are felt threw your children.

Though this is how David's sin played out, I don't think that it had to come to this. While David himself had been confronted and this is how his eyes were opened, he had failed to do the same for his children. He missed the opportunity he had to be his children's counselor. Absalom's rebellion started when his brother's sin was not punished by David. This is when Absalom's heart grew hard against his father. Amnon had raped his sister Tamar, and even though David was very angry about it he never brought punishment to Amnon. 2 Samuel 13:22, "When King David heard all this, he was furious. Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar." This hatred turned into revenge and he killed Amnon two years later. It was after this when Absalom decided to take his father's kingdom. If David had punished Amnon when he should have, this may never have happened.

It was David's original guilt about his own sin that I think stopped him from punishing his children when they sinned. How often as parents do we tend to say, "well, I did it." Then we do not hold our children to the accountability standard that they need. What we must realize is that all too often our sins affect them by our not dealing with their sins, all because of our own personal guilt. Or, we see their sins and do not hold them accountable for their sins, all because we did it too. "We survived and so will they." At what cost do we sacrifice our children, all because we did it too. We are to be here as their counselors. Just like David had Nathan as his counselor, and Nathan did not turn a blind eye, we are to be our children's counselors. We are to hold them to the standards that God has given us, not the standards that we lived by. We are to love them unconditionally, but we are to love them in truth and love. There is a difference. If we do not love them in truth, then we cannot really love them. Sometimes the truth hurts. But, love always wrapped in truth is never blind. We cannot turn a blind eye, especially on our children, just because we are afraid of them saying, "You did it too. Who are you to judge me!" As we become older, we cannot hide behind the guilt and fear of our youth. We must learn to stand with our youth as an example and hold our children accountable to God's righteousness, not our mistakes. If you are not your child's counselor, who is?

Smallest Price

2010-08-01T06:03:00.000-07:00

“When you fall into sin, the smallest price you pay is only the wounding you bring to yourself-- You grieve the heart of God and embarrass the community of Christ,” (RZ).

2 Samuel 12, "The LORD sent Nathan to David. When he came to him, he said, 'There were two men in a certain town, one rich and the other poor. The rich man had a very large number of sheep and cattle, but the poor man had nothing except one little ewe lamb he had bought. He raised it, and it grew up with him and his children. It shared his food, drank from his cup and even slept in his arms. It was like a daughter to him. Now a traveler came to the rich man, but the rich man refrained from taking one of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveler who had come to him. Instead, he took the ewe lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for the one who had come to him.' David burned with anger against the man... Then Nathan said to David, 'You are the man!...' Then David said to Nathan, 'I have sinned against the LORD.' Nathan replied, 'The LORD has taken away your sin. You are not going to die. But because by doing this you have made the enemies of the LORD show utter contempt...'"

There are so many lessons in the life of David. It is when his sin gets called to his attention that we can see his true heart, and this is when we can learn our own lessons with our own sin. Just like us, David was blind to his sin when he was doing it. Oh yes, he knew it was wrong, but in his effort to get what he wanted, God's ways became blind to him and all he could do was focus on his own desires. It is in the revealing of his sin that we see his heart. His heart is not necessarily revealed because he sinned, but what he did with the realization of his sin after his eyes were opened. He hit his knees, begged for forgiveness, and did not go down that road again. This is why in Acts 13:22, God said that David was a "man after my own heart." It was not that David would never sin, but that when he did sin, he truly repented. He didn't just say, "Well I am sorry I got caught," but his heart was broken. However, the true effect of his sin was upon God, and His reputation.

When we as Christians sin, we are not just affecting ourselves, but we are affecting how others view God. This is what should grieve us the most! Because of Christ, our sin is forgiven, but the damage we have done in others eyes is enormous. The question that we must constantly be asking our own heart is, "Do we grieve because we are caught in sin, or because we have damaged the view of Christ others see in us?" This is actually an easier test than one may imagine. When you are caught doing something, do you still find ways to get a portion of what you were caught doing, no matter how small that portion is? If you are still trying to steal little portions, your heart is tattling on you. “The seat of sin is in the heart and will, not only in the action,” (RZ).

Definition of sin-- “Whatever weakens your reasoning, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, or takes away your relish for spiritual things. In short, if anything increases the authority and power of the flesh over the spirit, then that to you becomes sin, however good it is in itself.” (Susana Wesley, RZ)

We all sin. No one is perfect. But, our hearts desire is revealed in what we do after that sin is revealed to us, either by the Holy Spirit (our conscience), or by someone else. David still had to suffer the consequences of his sin, and so must we. The true test of our heat is what we do with our sin after we have discovered it. Are we still trying to live the lie and steal little pieces of our desire wherever we can get it, or has our heart been turned away from that desire and toward God. Christ's blood has forgiven and washed us clean, but what are we really showing to others when we live a life in hypocrisy?

Young Eyes turned Bitter

2010-07-30T06:04:00.000-07:00

Michal, her story is told through 1 Samuel 14 - 2 Samuel 6. Michal was King Saul's daughter and like all the other young girls of that time, her heart was taken by David. For her, David was dangerous, attractive, strong, and courageous. When she saw him her heart would go wild with anticipation for the moment. Her passion was driven by watching David and all of his victories. She was young and the excitement that she felt for him was wild with anticipation and ecstasy. But, like so many young girls who are only looking at the man, her passion soon turned to disgust and bitterness. She had the man that every woman of her day would die to have the attention of, but because she did not see him through the eyes of his God, she loathed him.

Many women say that they would feel different about their husbands if their husband would just seek Christ more. Really? David was a man after God's own heart, but Michal did not see him that way. David was in deep celebration to his God and in his excitement he danced before his Lord. 2 Samuel 6:16, "As the ark of the LORD was entering the City of David, Michal daughter of Saul watched from a window. And when she saw King David leaping and dancing before the LORD, she despised him in her heart."

What could have been different for Michal? Who was her heart really turned towards? When the excitement of the moment had passed and she knew David in her daily married life, who was she supposed to turn to then when her passions had subsided.

As women we have all been there. When we are young, we are attracted to the excitement that young guy brings into our life. Our heart pounds when he is with us and we are so enamored by him that we can hardly take our eyes off of him, but then the enchantment wears off and daily life brings us to a state of contempt for the one that we used to hold in such high esteem. I know, for I have been that woman. I had a husband that brought that excitement into my life. I would like to say that it was because he was not seeking Christ in his life, that is why we got a divorce. I cannot live like that. I must take responsibility for my own sins in the marriage. Otherwise, it would be too easy for me to be that bitter, broken divorced woman we all know. David was seeking God, but it was Michal who hated him. It was because she was not seeking God that she had contempt for him. I was not seeking God. That is why my marriage fell apart. My seeking God may not have changed my ex husband, but my eyes would have been on my Lord and it would have allowed me to look at him through His eyes, instead of my own.

Oswald Chambers, "'Jesus did not commit Himself to them..., for He knew what was in man.' (John 2:24-25). Disillusionment means having no more misconceptions, false impressions, and false judgments in life; it means being free from these deceptions. However, though no longer deceived, our experience of disillusionment may actually leave us cynical and overly critical in our judgment of others. But the disillusionment that comes from God brings us to the point where we see people as they really are, yet without any cynicism or any stinging and bitter criticism. Many of the things in life that inflict the greatest injury, grief, or pain, stem from the fact that we suffer from illusions. We are not true to one another as facts, seeing each other as we really are; we are only true to our misconceived ideas of one another. According to our thinking, everything is either delightful and good, or it is evil, malicious, and cowardly.

Refusing to be disillusioned is the cause of much of the suffering of human life. And this is how that suffering happens— if we love someone, but do not love God, we demand total perfection and righteousness from that person, and when we do not get it we become cruel and vindictive; yet we are demanding of a human being something which he or she cannot possibly give. There is only one Being who can completely satisfy to the absolute depth of the hurting human heart, and that is the Lord Jesus Christ. Our Lord is so obviously uncompromising with regard to every human relationship because He knows that every relationship that is not based on faithfulness to Himself will end in disaster. Our Lord trusted no one, and never placed His faith in people, yet He was never suspicious or bitter. Our Lord’s confidence in God, and in what God’s grace could do for anyone, was so perfect that He never despaired, never giving up hope for any person. If our trust is placed in human beings, we will end up despairing of everyone."

I have a good husband now. It is when I take my eyes off of Christ, and only focus on my husband, that I can feel contempt rising in my heart. Who are you placing your trust in today? Who has our focus?

God's Purpose or Mine

2010-07-28T06:10:00.000-07:00

How I love to read in the morning. This is how I learn. This is how I battle my enemy, myself. I have been reading this morning from 2 Samuel 1-6. In this reading I have discovered something about King David. When I think of David, I have many thoughts about him. Some of those thoughts are thoughts of, "how in the world were you the chosen one of God." David committed adultery, murder, polygamy...you name it, he probably did it. But, in all of his sin, in spite of all of his sins, he was deemed "a man after God's own heart." This morning as I read I caught a glimpse of how his heart looked to God. David did not value anyones ability to get even and take revenge for wrongs someone else had done to them. This is how 1 Samuel was spent. David had many chances to kill his enemy Saul, but he knew that revenge was not his to take. Then, 2 Samuel starts with how David looked upon someone else getting even, even though they thought they were doing good by David. David, also did not make a move without consulting God first. His focus was on God and what the big picture of God was. He lived in the moment of pain and struggle, but his focus was on God and God's end result.

Psalm 7, "O LORD my God, I take refuge in you; save and deliver me from all who pursue me, or they will tear me like a lion and rip me to pieces with no one to rescue me. O LORD my God, if I have done this and there is guilt on my hands- if I have done evil to him who is at peace with me or without cause have robbed my foe- then let my enemy pursue and overtake me; let him trample my life to the ground and make me sleep in the dust. Arise, O LORD, in your anger; rise up against the rage of my enemies. Awake, my God; decree justice. Let the assembled peoples gather around you. Rule over them from on high; let the LORD judge the peoples. Judge me, O LORD, according to my righteousness, according to my integrity, O Most High. O righteous God, who searches minds and hearts, bring to an end the violence of the wicked and make the righteous secure. My shield is God Most High, who saves the upright in heart. God is a righteous judge, a God who expresses His wrath every day..."

David kept his heart toward God, and his relationship with his God first. He asked God to reveal anything that he had done wrong in the situation. And then he asked God to punish him, if He discovered sin in his heart! Have I ever asked God to punish me for my wrongs, I don't think so!! But, after he had been found innocent, he then allowed God to be the one to carry out vengeance. He knew his place and he respected His God's ability to do what he should not do. It is in trying to take matters into our own hands that get us into trouble. It is in carrying out our own plans that we loose sight of what God is trying to accomplish in us, in that moment.

Oswald Chambers, "We tend to think that if Jesus Christ compels us to do something and we are obedient to Him, He will lead us to great success. We should never have the thought that our dreams of success are God’s purpose for us. In fact, His purpose may be exactly the opposite. We have the idea that God is leading us toward a particular end or a desired goal, but He is not. The question of whether or not we arrive at a particular goal is of little importance, and reaching it becomes merely an episode along the way. What we see as only the process of reaching a particular end, God sees as the goal itself. What is my vision of God’s purpose for me? Whatever it may be, His purpose is for me to depend on Him and on His power now. If I can stay calm, faithful, and unconfused while in the middle of the turmoil of life, the goal of the purpose of God is being accomplished in me... God’s purpose is to enable me to see that He can walk on the storms of my life right now. If we have a further goal in mind, we are not paying enough attention to the present time. However, if we realize that moment-by-moment obedience is the goal, then each moment as it comes is precious."

What am I taking into my own hands? What am I taking into my own hands in this moment today? Is there something in my heart that reveals my lack of faith in God? Do I really know that He will take care of my problem? Am I desiring a blissful marriage, or am I allowing God to reveal in me my own heart in the matter? Am I willing to allow God to do His work in me, instead of fighting against the situation and taking my circumstances into my own hands? Am I able to love and direct my children toward God today, or am I going to loose it and take out my anger upon them? God is trying to help me to change and become better in each thing that I go through. Am I willing to seek Him in the process, or am I seeking revenge on the world for what I feel is going wrong in my situation.

What do you Believe, Why?

2010-07-26T06:25:00.000-07:00

I think that I have asked this question before, but I also think that it is worth asking again. If you are a Christian, why are you one? If you do not believe in Christ, why not? It is not a simple little issue, but rather a very big one that needs deeper thinking than you may realize. Have you really put much thought into why you believe what you believe, or are you just going with the flow of what is right in front of you in the moment? Basically are you shallow, or do you have a deeper meaning in your life?

Everyone has their own personal testimony about why they believe what they do. Everyone has their own personal world view. This is a very critical part of everyones life. The questions that we must deal with are questions of; "Can our world view be backed up with science, history, and personal experience. Is what we believe true, or do we make excuses for everything saying its all relative?" We are not called to live in blind faith, but to be able to give an answer for our faith.

This journey of mine has been one of trial and error, living life blindly, stumbling through as a fool. I have made the biggest blunders in my personal journey, any normal person would be more than embarrassed to admit.... I am embarrassed to admit! It wasn't until I looked at my life in the truth of my failures that I was able to see how God had touched my life and given me a personal story. It was in looking at my personal story that I started seeking the truth about what and who God really was. I started listening to and watching for truth in the people that taught about Christ. I had to first weed out the imitators, there are a lot of quacks out there! I couldn't give up just because there are a lot of quacks. There are doctors who are quacks, does that mean that I give up seeking the right doctors for my health? No. I had to start seeking Him, then I discovered Him. I needed my belief to be backed up with science. As a child I was taught one thing about God and how the universe came into being, but then science through me for a loop. Why would God try and trick us? Why wouldn't science back up who He is? I discovered that science, history, relics found; they all can be backed-up with who the bibles says that God is, and they all back-up the bible. It can all be backed up! This gave me something more than just my personal testimony to stand on. This gave me the proof that I needed, so that when my own doubts came creeping in, I could defend Him, against myself.

Frank Tureks book, "I Don't Have Enough Faith to be an Atheist" gave me the science that I needed. I started listening/watching him on TV, then my brother got me the book. I devoured it in just a few short days. Most was over my head, for I was never a good student, but it gave me the science that I was so desperately needing. Ravi Zacharias is one that I turn to often, on how to walk in this knowledge of who God is. His is an apologist and his teaching gives me the knowledge on how to give a defense for what I believe. I have another blog that I turn to called "Evidence for God from Science." This man is a brilliant chemist/professor who has taken his science and knowledge and used it to study the bible. I have other resources/teachers who I listen to so that I can better live out my faith in my everyday life. My passion is study. This is a passion that is new to me, for I always hated school, but this I love and cannot get enough of. I may not be able to give you an answer in full detail to every question, but I can lead the questioner to someone who can.

Everyone has a personal testimony for what they believe. The true test comes in on how you can back that testimony up with the resources that we have at our hands. Does your faith in whatever you believe, does it stand the test of science, history, discovery? Can you back up your belief? Why are you a Christian? Why aren't you one?

A Jealous Eye

2010-07-23T05:52:00.000-07:00

1 Samuel 24:9-15, "He said to Saul, "Why do you listen when men say, 'David is bent on harming you'? This day you have seen with your own eyes how the LORD delivered you into my hands in the cave. Some urged me to kill you, but I spared you; I said, 'I will not lift my hand against my master, because he is the LORD's anointed.' See, my father, look at this piece of your robe in my hand! I cut off the corner of your robe but did not kill you. Now understand and recognize that I am not guilty of wrongdoing or rebellion. I have not wronged you, but you are hunting me down to take my life. May the LORD judge between you and me. And may the LORD avenge the wrongs you have done to me, but my hand will not touch you. As the old saying goes, 'From evildoers come evil deeds,' so my hand will not touch you."

It is so hard to understand or get a grip when someone is speaking falsely about you. What you want to do is first defend yourself. Then you want to understand why they would want to harm you. It can be so hard, because what you do is you take it personally. Instead of looking at them and keeping the focus on them and what they are going through, we instead start looking at ourselves and try to defend ourself. In that fear our insecurity comes forth and we begin to think that others will believe the lie instead of the truth. That insecurity often leads us to reaction. We may want to tell our side and defend our integrity. But all too often when we are speaking our defense, we show our insecurity and panic leads us to reaction and that reaction is all that others can see.

1 Samuel 18:8-15, "Saul was very angry; this refrain galled him. 'They have credited David with tens of thousands,' he thought, 'but me with only thousands. What more can he get but the kingdom?' And from that time on Saul kept a jealous eye on David...When Saul saw how successful he was, he was afraid of him."

Often times when we look back at what started the battle we are in, it is the other persons insecurity. Many times when we start trying to defend ourself, it is our own insecurity. We must stand against the one trying to harm us, but what we must remember is that is the Lord who will judge between us and He will not allow the onslaught to continue forever. All too often however, because of what we have done in the past, or because of what someone else that is close to us has done, we are afraid that our reputation may already be tainted and we cannot endure another blow. That is when our own insecurity takes hold and we battle against against the world, instead of allowing God to be the judge in our defense.

Oswald Chambers, "Sanctification means the impartation of the holy qualities of Jesus Christ to me. It is the gift of His patience, love, holiness, faith, purity, and godliness that is exhibited in and through every sanctified soul. Sanctification is not drawing from Jesus the power to be holy— it is drawing from Jesus the very holiness that was exhibited in Him, and that He now exhibits in me. Sanctification is an impartation, not an imitation. Imitation is something altogether different. The perfection of everything is in Jesus Christ, and the mystery of sanctification is that all the perfect qualities of Jesus are at my disposal. Consequently, I slowly but surely begin to live a life of inexpressible order, soundness, and holiness— “...kept by the power of God...'(1 Peter 1:5)."

After we have given ourselves over to Christ we no longer have to defend ourselves against the onslaught of others and defend our reputation. He has given us a gift and that is "the gift of His patience, love, holiness, faith, purity, and godliness." When we are attacked we must remember God is the judge and we will be cleared, because we now walk with Him in integrity. This walk is very important for the believer, for it is a walk of calm assurance. It is not a walk we do on our own, but a walk we do with Christ as our shield against the world. It is the walk that will help us to keep our eye on the focus and truth of someone who is trying to harm us. That truth is that, that person is hurting. Anytime someone is hurting they will try and throw the spear at the one, who it seems to them, as the cause of their pain. Can you keep your focus on God and keep looking at others through His eyes, even when you are the innocent one in the attack?

One True God

2010-07-20T05:28:00.000-07:00

Isaiah 25:9, "This is our God. We trusted in Him, and He saved us. This is the LORD, in whom we trusted. Let us rejoice in the salvation He brings." 26:1-9, "We are surrounded by the walls of God’s salvation. Open the gates to all who are righteous; allow the faithful to enter. You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in You, all whose thoughts are fixed on You! Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal Rock... But for those who are righteous, the way is not steep and rough. You are a God who does what is right, and You smooth out the path ahead of them. Lord, we show our trust in You by obeying your laws; our heart’s desire is to glorify Your name. All night long I search for You; in the morning I earnestly seek for God."

When I sit and think about other religions/other gods, my heart is light compared to the loads that others carry because of the gods they follow. With New Age, Buddhism, Hinduism, Mormonism... all religions that either believe in reincarnation or earning your way to the celestial heavens, these teachings are so strict, and what seems to me, hopeless.

With reincarnation, how unfair this seems to me. You live your life all to pay for this life in your next life. When something bad happens to you in this life it is passed off as karma. But with karma you have no idea why you deserve the punishment you are given. You are not given the chance to make right what you once made wrong and if you are truly evil you just come back as a bug. The Hindu belief is one of constant suffering and punishment all because of something that you did in your past life, and now in blindness to what it was, you are having to make right what you once made wrong. In Buddhism you are having to live and relive this life until you finally, once again in blindness, make right what you once made wrong. With both, there is a cast system that puts people where they belong because of sins they have no idea they committed. Everyone gets what they deserve, because of something they once did. With Mormonism, you are constantly having to do works in order to obtain the celestial heavens. There is no grace and once again you are bound to works.

I can see the lure of all of these religions. In Hinduism, there are over 300,000,000 different gods. You can choose the god you serve. You not only can choose the god, but the different parts of the god that appeal to you the most. If you like this god for these attributes, but another for theirs, you merely have to combine the two until you get just what you want. In Buddhism, there really is no god to answer to. You just go through life until you finally reach Nirvana. The lure of Mormonism is the lure of becoming god. You will one day not only be with god in the celestial heavens, but you will become god.

But I serve a God unlike all other gods. I worship Him in a way that none of these other gods offer. I serve a God that made the heavens and the earth. I serve a God that took compassion upon me and came to earth for all my sins. I do not have to work my way into the celestial heavens. I do not have to come back again to this life and make right what I have done wrong. He has already cleansed me of every wrong that I have ever done or will do in the future. He does not ask me to tear at my body with whips or to pay with penance everyday that I live for the wrongs that I have done in the past. All that He asks of me is to love Him the best that I can for this moment, today. I can look and see if I am doing the right thing, for everyday of my life I can read in His word the instructions for living. He does not want me to run blindly through life, for He has given me His Holy Spirit to help me as I study Him. As I seek Him in the mornings, my life is filled with knowing I will be safe because of what He has paid.

Oswald Chambers, "Having the reality of God’s presence is not dependent on our being in a particular circumstance or place, but is only dependent on our determination to keep the Lord before us continually. Our problems arise when we refuse to place our trust in the reality of His presence. The experience the psalmist speaks of— “We will not fear, even though...” (Psalm 46:2)— will be ours once we are grounded on the truth of the reality of God’s presence, not just a simple awareness of it, but an understanding of the reality of it. Then we will exclaim, “He has been here all the time!” At critical moments in our lives it is necessary to ask God for guidance, but it should be unnecessary to be constantly saying, “Oh, Lord, direct me in this, and in that.” Of course He will, and in fact, He is doing it already! If our everyday decisions are not according to His will, He will press through them, bringing restraint to our spirit. Then we must be quiet and wait for the direction of His presence."

"Mehul Gandhi, a devout Hindu, said that he found the cross of Christ to be the most overwhelming aspect of the Christian faith and singularly unique. Martin Luther King himself, voiced the same," (RZ). There is a quiet assurance in following Christ. There is a peace that no one else can give. Have you taken hold of that peace today. It is daily that we must seek Him and daily that we must choose to live for Him. Are you following Him today? Or are you settling for someone else that only offers a cheap imitation of salvation through work, not through love? He loved us enough to come to earth for us, to offer us Salvation by Grace, through the Cross. It was His work that purified us. It is His love that He offers. Do I love Him enough to allow Him to change my life?

In Training

2010-07-16T06:15:00.000-07:00

Psalm 16, "Keep me safe, O God, for in You I take refuge. I said to the LORD, 'You are my Lord; apart from You I have no good thing.' As for the saints who are in the land, they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight... LORD, You have assigned me my portion and my cup; You have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the LORD always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because You will not abandon me to the grave, nor will You let Your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; You will fill me with joy in Your presence, with eternal pleasures at Your right hand."

Oh, how I love my Lord. My desire is to know Him. Intimately, I seek Him. My flesh is a battle ground and my glory is to find Him who battles for me. My life and my desires have been at war against my God, but now I can see the truth and that truth will set me free. For a time I may be having to live a more strict existence, but when the battle is won my freedom will reign. I have never had power over my flesh before. My life has been a life in slavery to every temptation that approached me. I have always felt weak and I learned how to lie so that I could continue on in slavery. What does He desire for me? How can I please the One who has set me free? Does He want me to continue in an existence that is now full of rules and limitations? No He wants me to learn to love Him more and for my desires to be for Him alone. 1 Samuel 15:22-23, "But Samuel replied: 'Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams. For rebellion is like the sin of divination, and arrogance like the evil of idolatry'..."

I don't always understand why God is asking me to do certain things. I often have an idea, but usually that assumption turns out to be wrong, or at least incomplete. We have a tendency to see in the physical. We even look at ourselves outwardly, in the flesh, rather than looking to our inner self. God sees our actions, but He sees more than our actions. He sees our hearts and our motives behind that action. He sees our hearts better than we do. We often fool ourselves into thinking that our hearts are good, even when our actions tell a different story. 1 Samuel 16:7, "But the LORD said to Samuel, 'Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.'"

We cannot get our actions and our hearts confused. I used to think that my actions did not tell my heart, but I was wrong. I would go out into the world and do some very horrible things. But then think, "I may doing bad, but my heart is good." I was wrong. My heart was bad, for my desires were evil. Then I came to a point in thinking, "I am doing good, so my heart is now good." I was wrong, for even though I was doing good, my desires are still for the flesh. I so desire for my heart and my actions to be in worship together. I want to see the truth in myself, so that I can walk in harmony and true worship with my Savior. Throughout my life I have been given the privilege by God to train my appetite. Oh, how my heart has been broken by what I have done and how I have abused my body. He is now taking me on a different path and this path is harder than it was supposed to be, all because of the training that I have done in the past. I have allowed my ideas and passions to confuse my body into believing a lie about what it is I think I need. In allowing my flesh to hunger for the wrong things, those wrong things have ended up devouring me. I have lived my life to see how far I could go, as close to the wrong side of living as I could get. What I must now do is to retrain my mind and my desires. It is much easier to say no, before you have tasted it. Than to say no, after you have tasted it. (RZ) I am in a training that God did not desire for me, but one that I chose when I was younger, for my desires have been trained by my living. My desire now is to live for my God. I want my desires and my heart to reflect His. I want my life to be a life of true worship to Him.

We have been given the privilege of training our appetites. What are you training your appetite for? Whether you want to believe it or not, what you do today affects how you live tomorrow. When you finally look back upon your life at the devastation and ruin you will see that it was not just in crossing a line that you have found devastation. But, it was in not drawing that line well before you were faced with that temptation that ultimately lead you down that broken path. That small thing that we choose to do today is actually training our appetites for our tomorrow. What path are we really choosing today for our tomorrow?

Consequences Today for Lessons Tomorrow

2010-07-13T05:55:00.000-07:00

This morning tears fell from my face as I read the scriptures. Tears of concern for my children and the path that I am leading them down. My sons, my only two children that I am responsible for, what can I learn and what can I avoid as I raise them? 1 Samuel 1-8 is filled with parental failings and sons who are not part of God's chosen ones.

Eli, a priest, a respected man in the community, did not have sons that followed in his path. What did he do that he could raise Samuel to love the Lord, but his own sons had contempt for God and His Holiness? One thing that stands out as I read the scripture and the commentary that goes along with it is that he did not discipline his sons. When he saw them doing wrong, he turned a blind eye toward what they were doing. Instead of punishing them, he allowed God to be the disciplinarian and by that time they were older and they suffered the consequences that came with the sins we so often commit when we are supposed to be more mature. As I read this my attention has to be drawn to Samuel, as well. Why did he not follow in the same footsteps as Eli's sons. I must believe that Eli's sons were Samuel's examples to watch. Samuel was able to observe first hand what the outcome would be if he took God for granted and did not respect Him as the Holy One. Samuel's sons were no different than Eli's. Samuel did not know how to be a good father either, for his sons "were greedy for money. They accepted bribes and perverted justice," (8:3). What am I to learn from both of of these men as a parent? What can I do so that both of my sons are not lost as their sons were?

As I have experienced life and watched the outcome of others lives and how they were raised, I must stop and really evaluate what the truth is. There are two ways that stand out to me, I am sure there are more, but two that stand out to me in the lessons of Eli and Samuel. The lessons of consequences and how they are learned. In reading this morning I observed that these life lessons of consequences was learned in two ways. One with observing others, and one with children lost because of lessons that they never were taught. With all of my heart, might, and desire, I want my sons to learn the lesson of consequences, while the consequences are small in comparison. I speak to them often about how they need to think about the consequences that are to follow what actions they take. Good and bad consequences always follow whatever action we take. It is a natural law and I hope to train them to think ahead and see if the consequences are worth what they are doing in that brief moment. This lesson is the main lesson that everyone must learn. We as parents either discipline our own children, or they may learn it by observing others, or they will suffer in their adult life and experience the lesson the hardest way. Samuel learned by watching Eli's sons, but Eli's sons were lost in the process. Samuel's sons had no one to watch and suffered the consequences in their adult life. I am not willing to sacrifice one of my sons so the other can learn by observation alone.

So often as a parent it seems much easier to turn a blind eye and let yourself believe that they will figure things out on their own. Just the other day I was at the park and a child had a toy. While we watched the children playing, we observed that the child was not sharing. I heard the mother say, "I want to intervene, but he needs to learn to share on his own." This is a recipe for a selfish man in the making. Children do not learn like that. They must continually be taught. They must be made to think outside the world of "me, mine." So often I must intervene with my children and it is hard work. It is much easier to turn a blind eye and assume that they will learn the lesson themselves, but it is not always a lesson learned. Too often the life is lived out and the consequences of that lost life are devastating. Which of my children am I willing to sacrifice today for the lessons that I am not willing to teach them for tomorrow. The consequences are small today with the discipline that comes, but when they are older the consequences can be devastating if they do not suffer today. With disciplining my children today and letting them understand the pain that comes with the consequences of their choices, they have a better chance of becoming observant, obedient adults tomorrow. In the way that I am raising my children, am I showing them how much God loves them? Am I willing to be "the bad guy" today, so that they can enjoy their life tomorrow? How do I want them to learn about consequences? Is it going to be by watching their brother fall, falling themselves tomorrow, or by the sting of discipline today?

The Book of Eli

2010-07-12T06:57:00.000-07:00

"The Book of Eli," now that was a good movie. I would not let my young children watch it, for it is very violent, but so good. The world has fallen apart from a war and the people are more corrupt than ever. God has been taken away and their hearts are rotten through and through. They have no meaning in life. This life is for survival of the fittest and anything goes.

Eli was a man on a mission. His job was to take the only bible that was left, West. He read it everyday. He read it so much that he had it memorized word for word. But, there was a lesson in this movie for me. My lesson was the same as Eli's lesson. Toward the end he stated that he had gotten so caught up in his mission of carrying the book west that he had forgotten to live by the lessons that he had learned. This is the same lesson that I must remember for myself. I can get so caught up in what I am showing others, that I forget that the true lesson everyday is my relationship with my God, and am I really desiring a real relationship with Him. Is my relationship with Him mainly based upon my blessings? Am I seeking Him hoping that He will bless me, or am I wanting a personal relationship with Him even if the physical blessings do not come.

Oswald Chambers, "The essential thing is my personal relationship with Jesus Christ— “...that I may know Him...” ( Philippians 3:10 ). To fulfill God’s perfect design for me requires my total surrender— complete abandonment of myself to Him. Whenever I only want things for myself, the relationship is distorted. And I will suffer great humiliation once I come to acknowledge and understand that I have not really been concerned about realizing Jesus Christ Himself, but only concerned with knowing what He has done for me."

When my children see me, do they see a woman in love with her God, and in response do they feel His love through me? Does my husband see me as a cranky tired woman, or does he see a young woman in love with life and free to laugh? When I start my days, I start them with God, but do I apply what I have been learning about my God to my actions in my everyday life? Or is this just part of my mission, for I feel driven to do this. Like Eli I feel driven to do certain things in this life. I feel a drive to share with others my story and my God, but am I missing that relationship with God along the way?

1 Samuel 2:1-2, “My heart rejoices in the Lord! The Lord has made me strong. Now I have an answer for my enemies; I rejoice because you rescued me. No one is holy like the Lord! There is no one besides you; there is no Rock like our God." There is nothing so important as my personal relationship with my Lord. While I walk out this salvation and do what He is calling me to do, I do not want to miss Him in this call. I want my love for Him to be seen by how I love my family. If I love everyone else but my family, I have loved no one. You've heard the saying, "If a man has loved a hundred women then the has loved none. But, if he has loved one, he has loved them all." If I love everyone else, but have not loved my family, then I have loved no one. If I have time for everyone else, but not enough time for my family, then I really have no real time for anyone.

"My goal is God Himself, not joy nor peace, Nor even blessing, but Himself, my God.Am I measuring my life by this standard or by something less?" (OC)
Am I seeking to know God and in knowing Him do I love more? What is my real mission; is it to work for Him, or to know and live by Him?

http://utmost.org/the-spiritually-self-seeking-church/

Draw a Picture

2010-07-10T07:40:00.000-07:00

Psalm 145, "I will exalt you, my God the King; I will praise your name for ever and ever. Every day I will praise You and extol Your name for ever and ever. Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; His greatness no one can fathom. One generation will commend your works to another; they will tell of Your mighty acts... They will celebrate Your abundant goodness and joyfully sing of Your righteousness. The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The LORD is good to all; He has compassion on all He has made... The LORD is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him; He hears their cry and saves them. The LORD watches over all who love Him, but all the wicked He will destroy. My mouth will speak in praise of the LORD. Let every creature praise His holy name for ever and ever."

I am a woman in love. I love my God. He is my Shelter, my Rock. In Him I find my hiding place. In Him I feel free as a bird that has just been set free from a snare. Can you see it? Can you see how I love Him? When you think of God, what do you think of? Can you draw a picture of your description of your Lord?

He is my Shelter. When I feel lost in this life He becomes my shelter. It is like I am lost in the mountains. I am cold and wet from the rain. Then there is a clearing and in that moment I can see an abandoned cabin. I go to that cabin and open the door. There is wood and a kettle left by the fire place. In this brief moment I am safe. I may not yet be found by others and I may still be lost, but I know that I am safe. The fire warms my clothes and the kettle steams with warm water. I can survive the night for I have found my Shelter.

He is my Rock. When I find myself surrounded by unsteady ground and my world seems to be moving from under my feet, that is when I see the Rock. It is the one thing that nothing can move. He is the boulder that you can stand upon when the rivers of life are surrounding you. He stands high and sturdy. In Him I can withstand the flood waters and the ground will not move from under me.

He is my hiding place. When my children are playing hide-and-seek with their friends in our house, they know of all of the good hiding places. They can hide and never be found for they know our home and all of its secrets. My God is my hiding place. No one can find me, no one can harm me when I am hiding in Him. I know His secrets, for I live with Him and Him with me.

In my Lord I am free. Have you ever seen a bird struggle to get free from a trap? They struggle and struggle running their bodies into the sides of the cage. They batter themselves and bruise their bodies until at last the door is open. My God sets me free from my traps that I so often find myself in. If I will calm myself just enough to allow Him to open the doors for me, then I can find my way out and fly free with Him. In Him I find my freedom and learning to fly with Him has been my reward. Like a mother bird teaching her fledgling to fly. My God has set me free!

When you think of Christ can you draw a picture of your Savior. Most can only draw the cross. It is the most important visual you can get, but can you see Him in the different places you find yourself? Do you have a love relationship with your Savior. I once had someone ask me how my love was. My answer to him was about my God, not quite getting that he was actually talking about my husband. Do you get the two mixed up? For when I think of my lover, they are both so intertwined. Who is your Lover? Do you have a Shelter, a Rock, a Hiding Place? Are you free!!

Lying Tongue

2010-07-09T06:08:00.000-07:00

Proverbs 12:19-20, "Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts only a moment. There is deceit in the hearts of those who plot evil, but joy for those who promote peace."

I went to bed last night thinking of the people I know, those who I thought I could trust, but because of their lying, I no longer trust anything about them. If there is anything that can ruin your relationships more, it is the lying we do to ourselves and to others. I have been this person. I have lied to those that I said that I loved. That road was the hardest to repave than any other. It was the lying to myself that I had to face first. We have a tendency to believe what we ourselves say. Our heart always knows the truth, but we can convince our minds to believe it. In Proverbs 6, seven things that the Lord hates are listed. Lying is the second. For when you lie about one thing, chances are you will lie about anything. Then no one can trust you.

Here are a few examples that most anyone can relate to. You (I) have either been this person, or you know them. First, if you have maxed out your credit card, then instead of paying it off, you go out and get another to do the same with; you are not only a lier, but a thief. When we do this we really have no intention of paying for that item, or that trip, or that.... you can fill in the blank. When we do this we are not only lying to the credit card people, but we are lying to those who see us spend money that way. We are pretending to be someone we are not. We become prideful and arrogant. Another example is someone that has gotten a divorce and blamed everything that went wrong on their spouse. The tendency is to blame everything on the other person, instead of recognizing your own sins in the relationship. I think this could be one reason why the bible says not to get a divorce. It is because we have a tendency to go on believing our own lies. For example: If when you are married and you have a messy house and you blame your spouse for that mess, who is to blame if you are still living in a mess when you no longer live with that person? When I was married to my ex I blamed him for my drug use. When he was no longer around, whose fault was it when I was still sneaking around getting high!

We are constantly lying to ourselves and in doing this we remain in bondage. In order to get out of that bondage we must learn to see ourselves for what we really are instead of blaming others and trying to not only deceive them, but deceive ourselves as well. We have been called to walk in truth and light. In order to do this we must first be truthful to ourselves about everything. We cannot blame our spouse for our bad decisions, or our bad attitude. He has called us to be a good example for them no matter what they are doing. Our society has made it very easy for us to walk around as liers. We have Internet and televisions in our homes, so no one can really see what we are looking at. We have credit cards and loans from banks, so it looks like we have more money than we really do. We can easily get a divorce and move on to our next spouse. We as a society have placed the blame on everyone else so much that no one is responsible any longer for their own sins. We no longer even call it a sin, but a mistake. If we do not come out and start looking at ourselves for what we really are, we will no longer need Christ and the cross. It is in seeing ourselves and our sins for what they really are that we can turn to Him and ask for forgiveness. It is in seeing and admitting truth that His truth and freedom reigns.

Eventually no one will believe a word you say, so you must first stop believing your own lies. Look to the truth and the truth will set you free. Anyone who walks in the darkness will stumble, but all who walk in the light of truth will be able to run freely. Can you see where you are walking, or are you walking blind thinking that others cannot see you either? There is only one who is blind in a relationship and that is the lier themselves.

Truth Revealed (Psalm 90)

2010-07-07T05:20:00.000-07:00

Psalm 90, "Lord, through all the generations you have been our home! Before the mountains were born, before you gave birth to the earth and the world, from beginning to end, you are God."

This morning I got my cup of coffee and headed straight for my front porch. I sat for some time just soaking in the sounds of the world waking around me. My blanket covered me and the warmth of the cup in my hands kept me from the cold of the crisp mountain air. The longer I sat the more I noticed about the sweet aroma and the sounds of the mountains. Have you ever sat long enough that you can start hearing the different calls of the birds so that they all of a sudden become individuals, instead of a sound of just mixed noises. Oh, how I love my mornings with my Lord. It is in these most precious times that I am awakened to His mighty power and love.

I was lead to Psalm 90 this morning. It starts with the awesomeness of God and His mighty creation. He was here before this mighty creation was formed. He is the everlasting... I woke this morning first becoming aware of Him and His creation. But then the Psalm takes a turn I did not want to see this morning...
"You turn people back to dust, saying, 'Return to dust, you mortals!' For you, a thousand years are as a passing day, as brief as a few night hours. You sweep people away like dreams that disappear. They are like grass that springs up in the morning. In the morning it blooms and flourishes, but by evening it is dry and withered. We wither beneath your anger; we are overwhelmed by your fury. You spread out our sins before you— our secret sins—and you see them all. We live our lives beneath your wrath, ending our years with a groan. Seventy years are given to us! Some even live to eighty. But even the best years are filled with pain and trouble; soon they disappear, and we fly away. Who can comprehend the power of your anger? Your wrath is as awesome as the fear you deserve."

It starts with the awesomeness of Him and His creation, then it brings us to His wrath. I hate to think about the time of wandering that I have done and still do. I don't like to think of the pain and dryness of this world. Those times when God has allowed me to turn my back upon Him. Those secret sins. "You spread out our sins before you— our secret sins—and you see them all." Nothing is hidden. My heart is always exposed before Him, even when I cannot see the truth in myself- He does. Oh, but when the truth is revealed the joy that He truly desires for me is right there in the morning.

"Teach us to make the most of our time, so that we may grow in wisdom. O Lord, come back to us! How long will you delay? Take pity on your servants! Satisfy us each morning with your unfailing love, so we may sing for joy to the end of our lives. Give us gladness in proportion to our former misery! Replace the evil years with good. Let us, your servants, see you work again; let our children see your glory. And may the Lord our God show us his approval and make our efforts successful. Yes, make our efforts successful!"

Through realizing the truth about how I act and spend my time, through seeing the truth, I will gain wisdom and with wisdom I can enjoy my life. We are a foolish people for we often turn our backs upon God, but He always takes pity on us and satisfies us in the morning, for each new dawn brings new life. He will give us a gladness that is in proportion to our former misery! If we will allow Him to have our past, He will give us a new day today that far out weighs our sorrow from yesterday. I want to hear my God speaking truth about my life to me. Sometimes that truth does not bring me an instant feeling of contentment, but of rejection. It is when I allow Him to continue to speak to me in the morning that I can make good what He has taught me and my song of joys begin. It is in looking at the ugly truth, that the true beauty is revealed in me, for my body is the Temple of the Most High God. It is in looking to truth that wisdom is born and my children will see His glory. Through His glory I will sing, instead of groan. Through wisdom, this day has a new dawn. Can you sing a new song this day? Can you see the blessings that lay before you? This day He want to give you gladness in proportion to our former misery! This day He can replace the evil years with good.

Oswald Chambers, "If we are going to live as disciples of Jesus, we have to remember that all efforts of worth and excellence are difficult. The Christian life is gloriously difficult, but it difficulty does not make us faint and cave in—it stirs us up to overcome. Do we appreciate the miraculous salvation of Jesus Christ enough to be our utmost for His highest—our best for His glory?... Thank God that He does give us difficult things to do! His salvation is a joyous thing, but it is also something that requires bravery, courage, and holiness. It tests us for all we are worth. Jesus is “bringing many sons to glory” (Hebrews 2:10), and God will not shield us from the requirements of sonship. God’s grace produces men and women with a strong family likeness to Jesus Christ, not pampered, spoiled weaklings. It takes a tremendous amount of discipline to live the worthy and excellent life of a disciple of Jesus in the realities of life. And it is always necessary for us to make an effort to live a life of worth and excellence."

How I love my new song! How I love the truth that He reveals...

Listening to God Today

2010-07-06T06:08:00.000-07:00

Oswald Chambers, "We always have visions, before a thing is made real. When we realize that although the vision is real, it is not real in us, then is the time that Satan comes in with his temptations, and we are apt to say it is no use to go on. Instead of the vision becoming real, there has come the valley of humiliation.
'Life is not as idle ore,
But iron dug from central gloom,
And batter'd by the shocks of doom
To shape and use.'
God gives us the vision, then He takes us down to the valley to batter us into the shape of the vision, and it is in the valley that so many of us faint and give way. Every vision will be made real if we will have patience. Think of the enormous leisure of God! He is never in a hurry. We are always in such a frantic hurry. In the light of the glory of the vision we go forth to do things, but the vision is not real in us yet; and God has to take us into the valley, and put us through fires and floods to batter us into shape, until we get to the place where He can trust us with the veritable reality. Ever since we had the vision God has been at work, getting us into the shape of the ideal, and over and over again we escape from His hand and try to batter ourselves into our own shape."

This morning I started my reading with Oswald. I don't usually do this, but this morning I did and in this I was reminded of my vision that God has given me. He has asked me to share with others what I have learned. Most people do not want to share with everyone everything about their life. Most people probably should not share everything, for this is not easy and if God had not asked me to do this then I would not be able to withstand the pressures afterward. But I have been called to do this. It burns within me and I cannot help but to do what I am doing. We all have something like this within each of us. We are here to be of use by God and if we will allow Him to speak to us, we can hear the call within us.

The hard part of allowing God to do His work in His timing. Some may think they have a great vision, but instead of allowing God to work through them, they take the matter into their own hands. This is a dangerous thing to do for like Abimelech in Judges 8:31-9:57, you can become overconfident, power hungry and ruthless. He took advantage of his father's position without imitating his father's character. This is something that I see many people doing. They think that since they have been born into a family that has established a reputation that reputation is theirs, without realizing that they are responsible for their own actions and what they do with their life. Many live on their families vision, without listening to the individual call of God upon their individual life.

Yet, others settle for no vision at all, just like Oswald said, "and we are apt to say it is no use to go on. Instead of the vision becoming real, there has come the valley of humiliation." Or we take the easy road and give our life little responsibility and pretend that doing really nothing to stretch yourself for God is a humble thing to do. This is the easy, yet very unfulfilling walk of most of us.

God never puts a desire within us and stands back and either expects us to go out and achieve it in our own time in our own way, or for us to feel like we are not worthy of this calling and that it is foolish for us to dream. If we are seeking Him and what His desires are, then we will always succeed. We will alway find a fulfillment in this life that nothing else could ever give us in our own searches.

Psalm 25, "O Lord, I give my life to you. I trust in you, my God! Do not let me be disgraced, or let my enemies rejoice in my defeat. No one who trusts in you will ever be disgraced, but disgrace comes to those who try to deceive others. Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you. Remember, O Lord, your compassion and unfailing love, which you have shown from long ages past. Do not remember the rebellious sins of my youth. Remember me in the light of your unfailing love, for you are merciful, O Lord. The Lord is good and does what is right; He shows the proper path to those who go astray. He leads the humble in doing right, teaching them His way. The Lord leads with unfailing love and faithfulness all who keep His covenant and obey His demands. For the honor of your name, O Lord, forgive my many, many sins. Who are those who fear the Lord? He will show them the path they should choose."

Has God shown you your path? Are you willing to reach out and to be used by God in every chance He gives you? Are you claiming God's ways, but actually walking in your own? Are we listening to God today??

Recognizing and being set Free from Sin

2010-07-05T06:22:00.000-07:00

Psalm 32:1-5, "Oh, what joy for those whose disobedience is forgiven, whose sin is put out of sight! Yes, what joy for those whose record the Lord has cleared of guilt, whose lives are lived in complete honesty! When I refused to confess my sin, my body wasted away, and I groaned all day long. Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me. My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat. Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide my guilt. I said to myself, 'I will confess my rebellion to the Lord.' And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone."

Sin is a weird and wild thing. It can grab hold of us without us even realizing that we are sinning. My sin for some years now has been food. I loved food so much that I was unwilling to eat what I knew I should in order for my body to be healthy. I would even grab something when no one was looking, you know, sneak that delicatessen. That sin was easy for me, for it never showed up outwardly upon my figure, but inwardly I was in pain and my guilt was killing me without me even wanting to see it. It is not that I can never have anything, but those things were controlling me.

Definition of sin-- “Whatever weakens your reasoning, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, or takes away your relish for spiritual things. In short, if anything increases the authority and power of the flesh over the spirit, then that to you becomes sin, however good it is in itself.” (Susana Wesley, RZ)

Here recently I asked God's forgiveness for this sin. My sin was not only cheating and loving those sweet morsels and struggling in giving them up, but it was in treating God as if He did not know. The truth is, when you think no one else knows but you, there is at least one other who knows even more than you do about what you are doing. I think in retrospect, this has always been my sin. I treat God as if He is not omnipotent/omnipresent. I believe in my mind that He does not really care about my everyday life. While my mind is saying one thing, my heart is crying out for something that it knows my mind is missing. This tearing between my heart and my mind is the war within. It has been through my confession and my willingness to listen not only with my mind but my heart as well that I have found the strength, the desire, the ability to change. It is in combining these two resources, instead of them waring within that this past holiday, 4th of July, has not been a totally horrific burden.

Psalm 32:8-11, "The Lord says, 'I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you. Do not be like a senseless horse or mule that needs a bit and bridle to keep it under control.' Many sorrows come to the wicked, but unfailing love surrounds those who trust the Lord. So rejoice in the Lord and be glad, all you who obey Him! Shout for joy, all you whose hearts are pure!"

In opening my heart and mind towards God and His desires to show me a new path for learning to love myself, I planned ahead for this holiday with friends and food. I either took something with me that I could eat myself, or I just ate before we left. I did not feel left out and I did not feel burdened. He came in and allowed my mind to see what my heart had been calling out this entire time. I needed to set myself apart so that I could learn to love the unlovable... myself. I have seen His grace, mercy, and patience. Now He is teaching me how to see me as He sees me. In order to see this I must be set free from all desires that are controlling me and restraining me from learning to love myself.

Oswald Chambers, "...In spiritual issues it is customary for us to put God first, but we tend to think that it is inappropriate and unnecessary to put Him first in the practical, everyday issues of our lives. If we have the idea that we have to put on our “spiritual face” before we can come near to God, then we will never come near to Him. We must come as we are..."

What is the sin in your life that you may think no one else knows about? Are you waring within?

Will they call me Happy?

2010-07-02T05:50:00.000-07:00

Proverbs 31:28-31, "Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 'Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.' Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate."

I heard a study done by Beth Moore at one time and I keep replaying it in my mind. In verse 28, "Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also..." I learned through Beth that the word blessed is actually the word Asher, which when directly translated means "happy". "Her children arise and call her happy; her husband also..."

When I think of my life, my attitude toward life; I have to wonder would people see me and call me happy. When they think of me, do they see joy unsurpassing? The woman in Proverbs 31 is supposed to be the ideal woman. She is diligent with her work. Her husband, her friends, her children can trust her. She is good with money. She is energetic. "She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs with no fear of the future."

As I look at my life I have to compare myself with this woman. I have to see her and see strength. But, I must also ask myself, what gives her these qualities? When I see certain people, whatever their walk in this life may be, what I notice most is their attitude. Some people have a spring in their step, even when you know their feet are hurting. When I think of Jesus alive and walking on this earth, I think of His smile, even though He was seen in Isaiah 53 much differently. "He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering."

Today is my oldest sons 7th birthday. Would he call me happy, or would he call me tired and grumpy? Luckily he is young and I can do better today than I did yesterday. My tomorrow with him will not be filled with sorrows. When he thinks of his childhood, I want him to to rise and call me happy. When others see me, I do not want them to see a woman who is battling physically with MS, but I want them to see a woman who is happy. No matter what my situation may be, it does not matter if my husband is perfect or not (which he is not, no one is); it does not matter if my children obey me right when I ask them to do something or not (which they don't); my situation should never predict my joy. My joy should always predict my attitude about life and my joy should always come from my Lord. "He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering." Yet, He is known as the Light of this world and we are to have a joy with Him that no situation can take from us. Today would my husband and children rise and call me happy? Tomorrow when my children are grown, will they look back on their childhood and say that their mother was happy? I say that I am happy. Does my reactions/actions reflect what I think I am, or am I lying to myself?

Oswald Chambers, "If the closest relationships of a disciple’s life conflict with the claims of Jesus Christ, then our Lord requires instant obedience to Himself. Discipleship means personal, passionate devotion to a Person— our Lord Jesus Christ. There is a vast difference between devotion to a person and devotion to principles or to a cause. Our Lord never proclaimed a cause— He proclaimed personal devotion to Himself. To be a disciple is to be a devoted bondservant motivated by love for the Lord Jesus. Many of us who call ourselves Christians are not truly devoted to Jesus Christ. No one on earth has this passionate love for the Lord Jesus unless the Holy Spirit has given it to him. We may admire, respect, and revere Him, but we cannot love Him on our own. The only One who truly loves the Lord Jesus is the Holy Spirit, and it is He who has “poured out in our hearts” the very “love of God” (Romans 5:5 ). Whenever the Holy Spirit sees an opportunity to glorify Jesus through you, He will take your entire being and set you ablaze with glowing devotion to Jesus Christ."

If I keep my focus on Christ and not my circumstances, then others will see me and call me happy!

Lights Freedom

2010-06-25T06:02:00.001-07:00

Oh how I love my mornings with my Lord. I love to sit on the front porch listening to the earth wake and see the sky change in its glorious colors. This is my most precious time of day. This is how I prepare for my day. John 1, "In the beginning the Word already existed. The Word was with God, and the Word was God. He existed in the beginning with God. God created everything through Him, and nothing was created except through Him. The Word gave life to everything that was created, and His life brought light to everyone. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it." In Him I have light and in Him I am free. I love this and I love that He knows me. Some people may think that I am always down upon myself since I so freely share my struggles, but this is not the case at all. I know myself, for I have studied Him. In seeing Him I know that I can trust Him, but I also see the truth about me when I see Him. And this is okay for He loves me, but He knows not to trust me. Without Him I am weak. Without Him there is only darkness.

John 2:24, "But Jesus didn’t trust them, because He knew human nature. No one needed to tell Him what mankind is really like." He loves me, but He does know that I will never be perfect. He does not trust Himself to me in that way. He knows that I will make mistakes and He knows that I will out right sin against myself and against Him. In recognizing this, admitting this, and being willing to look at myself with truth, this is how I have found true freedom and this is how I will learn to love myself more. He has not called me to save myself from sin and corruption, but He has called me to look to the light of truth so that I can learn to walk closer to Him. As long as I am loving Him and walking toward Him, when I see myself for what I really am I will not find condemnation, but I will find salvation and a wanting to change what He has shown me. I love it when I finally see myself for what is really going on in myself. For when I finally see the truth, that is when I find freedom. And that is why I love my Lord so much.

John 3, "Jesus replied, 'I tell you the truth, unless you are born again, you cannot see the Kingdom of God.' 'What do you mean?' ...Jesus replied, 'I assure you, no one can enter the Kingdom of God without being born of water and the Spirit. Humans can reproduce only human life, but the Holy Spirit gives birth to spiritual life... For God loved the world so much that He gave His one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life. God sent His Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through Him. There is no judgment against anyone who believes in Him. But anyone who does not believe in Him has already been judged for not believing in God’s one and only Son. And the judgment is based on this fact: God’s light came into the world, but people loved the darkness more than the light, for their actions were evil. All who do evil hate the light and refuse to go near it for fear their sins will be exposed. But those who do what is right come to the light so others can see that they are doing what God wants.”

I am okay with my weaknesses, but I am not content with them. I want to see the truth. I want to know that I am doing the right thing in everything that I do. I want this for that is where my freedom is found.

Oswald Chambers, "We say that there ought to be no sorrow, but there is sorrow, and we have to accept and receive ourselves in its fires. If we try to evade sorrow, refusing to deal with it, we are foolish. Sorrow is one of the biggest facts in life, and there is no use in saying it should not be. Sin, sorrow, and suffering are, and it is not for us to say that God has made a mistake in allowing them. Sorrow removes a great deal of a person’s shallowness, but it does not always make that person better. Suffering either gives me to myself or it destroys me. You cannot find or receive yourself through success, because you lose your head over pride. And you cannot receive yourself through the monotony of your daily life, because you give in to complaining. The only way to find yourself is in the fires of sorrow. Why it should be this way is immaterial. The fact is that it is true in the Scriptures and in human experience. You can always recognize who has been through the fires of sorrow and received himself, and you know that you can go to him in your moment of trouble and find that he has plenty of time for you. But if a person has not been through the fires of sorrow, he is apt to be contemptuous, having no respect or time for you, only turning you away. If you will receive yourself in the fires of sorrow, God will make you nourishment for other people."

http://utmost.org/receiving-yourself-in-the-fires-of-sorrow/

New Life/Freedom Living

2010-06-24T05:54:00.000-07:00

Oswald Chambers, "Not being reconciled to the fact of sin— not recognizing it and refusing to deal with it— produces all the disasters in life. You may talk about the lofty virtues of human nature, but there is something in human nature that will mockingly laugh in the face of every principle you have. If you refuse to agree with the fact that there is wickedness and selfishness, something downright hateful and wrong, in human beings, when it attacks your life, instead of reconciling yourself to it, you will compromise with it and say that it is of no use to battle against it. Have you taken this “hour, and the power of darkness” into account, or do you have a view of yourself which includes no recognition of sin whatsoever?"

These past few months I have been looking often at Sodom's sins, mainly due to the fact that homosexuality had been brought to my attention often. But these past few weeks, using these same verses that I had been studying for others, He showed me my own sin. Ezekiel 16:49, "Sodom’s sins were pride, gluttony, and laziness..." Gluttony, that is the one. I never would have thought that gluttony would be my sin that God would ever show me. I am not going to say that it is a sin of excess clothes, money, or whatever most people choose to put in the place of gluttony. I am going to come out and say that I am a textbook definition of a glutton- it's food! I weigh 120 lbs and God has shown me that I, like so many others, struggle with food. Food is my sin.

I recently spent three weeks in Texas seeing doctors for my MS. I have been struggling for some time now with almost debilitating fatigue. I have known that I needed to change my diet for years, but I did not want to. I like my coffee in the morning, but I was drinking too much and now my adrenal glands are destroyed. I wanted to eat like everyone else and I wanted it all to be the easy fast way we as a society have come to enjoy. I felt like God should just heal me without any change from me, for I know He can. I almost felt like He was punishing me or not loving me if He did not take this from me by miraculous healing. Then He led my heart to another verse.

Daniel 1, "The king assigned them a daily ration of the best food and wine from his own kitchens...But Daniel was determined (But Daniel made up his mind) not to defile himself by eating the food and wine given to them by the king. He asked the chief of staff for permission not to eat these unacceptable foods."

We are as Sodom was. What are our sins as a nation? Could they be pride, laziness and gluttony? I want the quick fix. It would be much easier on my flesh if I could just take a pill, get a shot, get a miraculous healing, and all my problems go away. I want the fast food, that quick meal so that nothing is hard or messy. I want to eat my treats like I deserve them, instead of how they were meant, as a treat. Treats are Not something we eat everyday. I am a follower of Christ the most high God and He has called me to live in the world, but not as the world. He has given me my body as His temple. Why would He reward me when I am continually destroying His temple. He loves me! Now it is time for me to start treating myself with the same love He has called me to love others.

I repent of my sin. I am sorry that I abused my body in so many ways. I am sorry that I have not treated my Lord with respect by expecting Him to once again clean up my mess. I am sorry that I have fought against Him and chosen the world instead of following what I knew was best for me and others around me. I will learn to enjoy His treats the way He meant them. I am sorry I have sinned with the sin of gluttony.

It has been four weeks now since my eyes were opened to my sin. It has been four weeks of living as I should. For the first time I am now free. I feel more freedom in this life choice than I ever have. There was no freedom in being a slave of food. Now I have made up my mind as Daniel did and my healing has begun. My soul, my spirit is free! It will be work, but He has not called me to be lazy. Thank You Lord, for opening my eyes so that I could see. Thank You for showing me a new way to live and love myself. Thank You, for giving me the strength today, so that my tomorrow will be even better.

http://utmost.org/reconciling-yourself-to-the-fact-of-sin/

A New Song

2010-05-26T05:48:00.000-07:00

Romans 1:19-20, "For the truth about God is known to them instinctively. God has put this knowledge in their hearts. For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see His invisible qualities—His eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God."

Ah, the gentle whisper of God through His creation. Can you hear Him calling your heart? Can you see Him when you see the beauty of His art work, for He is the Supreme Artist. He is the Creator of the Universe and the Ruler of the heavens. He is the Creator and in His creation He has written His laws so that we may have life. His laws are written on our hearts, and like all creation, our hearts cry out to Him. His love is bigger than us, and He can take our punches.

Before I had a relationship with my Lord, I just did not understand. I walked around blind to truth and death surrounded me. I would get so angry at Him, for the bad things that happened to me. He is big enough to take my anger. My children often get very angry with me and in their anger they fight against me. As I watch them I have to look back at the times I have been angry with God. I was so upset with Him that I rebelled against Him. In my rebellion I cannot blame Him for the bad things that happened to me, for when I say I rebelled I am not kidding. (Just a glimpse at what I mean... When I worked at the strip club, I was not there just to make money. In fact I often got fined by the owner of the club for not dancing nice! One night he pulled me aside and told me to have some respect for myself. In which I replied, "If I had any self respect I would not be working here.") In my rebellion, I punished myself. I spit in the face of my Lord. I was the worst of sinners. Yet, He loved me anyway. He did not wait until I had gotten my life all worked out and changed how I was living. He came into my death and saved me. He called to my heart. He begged me to let Him help me.

Psalm 18, "I love you, Lord; You are my Strength. The Lord is my Rock, my Fortress, and my Savior; my God is my Rock, in whom I find protection. He is my Shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety. I called on the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and He saved me from my enemies. The ropes of death entangled me; floods of destruction swept over me. The grave wrapped its ropes around me; death laid a trap in my path. But in my distress I cried out to the Lord; yes, I prayed to my God for help. He heard me from His sanctuary; my cry to Him reached his ears....He reached down from heaven and rescued me; He drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemies, from those who hated me and were too strong for me. They attacked me at a moment when I was in distress, but the Lord supported me. He led me to a place of safety; He rescued me because He delights in me.... LORD, You have brought light to my life; my God, You light up my darkness. In Your strength I can crush an army; with my God I can scale any wall..."

I love how Ravi Zacharias puts it. "Jesus did not come into this world to make bad people good. He came to make the dead live." I deserved nothing. I turned my back on my Lord and I knew it. I would go into the club and use His name to help me make more money, for I used the "good little Christian girl" background to entrap my prey. I would look at Him, kiss Him; then, I would spit in His face. Yet while I was doing all of this, my heart was crying out to Him. I could not hold it back, for He wrote His laws upon my heart and I could see Him in His creation. I could have kept pushing Him away. I could have kept blaming Him for what Satan had done. But, if I had I would still be among the dead. I would not have a new song to sing and my heart would still be aching and calling out to its Creator without any satisfaction for I would be lost.

How the birds are singing this morning! Can you hear them calling out to their Maker, I can. I am alive! Not because I was good and living right, but because He came and died on the Cross. He died, so that I could live. He came so that I could sing a new song in the morning. He saved me, not because I loved Him, but because He loved me. He conquered death, so I could have life.

Sing a new song... "Jesus loves me this I know, for the bible tells me so. Little ones to Him belong. They are weak, but He is strong. Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me."

He loves me, not because I was good, but because He lives. I love Him, because He loved me first. Can you hear Him whispering to your heart? Can you see the Artist in His wonderful creation. I live pure, because He loved me so. I am clean, all because He has washed me. It was nothing that I deserve. It was all because of how much He loves me.

Morning Joy

2010-05-25T06:02:00.000-07:00

Deuteronomy 4:9, “But watch out! Be careful never to forget what you yourself have seen. Do not let these memories escape from your mind as long as you live! And be sure to pass them on to your children and grandchildren."

"Watch out! Be careful..." The warnings that we hear, we refuse because of the stubborn cries of what we want. Then the painful consequences of our choices. But then, with a mighty wind of His grace, if we will call to Him, He always forgives. He can turn the adulterous woman into a wife of noble character. He can take the tainted and make her pure. If we call to Him, He will... If we seek Him, He will... He is a mighty God that can do anything, but He is a true gentleman and He will never force us against our will. He waits patiently for us to turn to Him. He whispers sweetly in our hearts, till we are ready to hear. If we are willing to hear, if we pause just long enough from the lure of our own desires, we can hear Him. He is always waiting for us to let Him help us, to let Him change us.

I speak often about pain, sin, consequences; but the joy of my heat is in my Saviour, my Redeemer. When I speak of the pain I am saying "Watch out!" It is so much harder on your spirit if you choose not to heed the warnings. If we go against God, whatever it may be, if we choose to go against Him there are always consequences. Do you see the warning, yet stubbornly refuse to listen to them. In our pride, in our ignorance we think that we can live our life our way, but there are laws God has set in motion that will always catch up to us somewhere. But, we have a patient, loving God who will wait for us to call Him. When we finally choose Him, He will make us pure. We may have pain in the night of our life, but joy comes in the morning. When we turn on the light of life, our hearts begin to change. He can change the desire of our hearts if we will continually seek Him. He can change our life if we will let Him. I often travel through the painful memories of my past in order to give someone else the ability to make a much more wise decision than I did. It hurts to look back upon your life and think, you were such a fool. The wise learn from others mistakes. No one should ever be able to say, "But I did not know." The warnings are out there. When you do finally turn to Him, joy comes in the morning. Seek Him diligently, so that He can change everything for the better. He can make the tarnished, pure. He can change the desires of your heart. He can remove all of the scars. The joys I sing to Him in the mornings...

Psalm 9:1-2, 10-12, "I will praise You, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all the marvelous things You have done. I will be filled with joy because of You. I will sing praises to Your Name, O Most High... Those who know Your Name trust in You, for You, O Lord, do not abandon those who search for You. Sing praises to the Lord who reigns in Jerusalem. Tell the world about His unforgettable deeds... He does not ignore the cries of those who cry to Him for help."

In Christ we become a new creation. We are born again. He changes our DNA. Seeking Him, changes who we are. It is in seeking Him that I have found the true joy in living. It is seeking Him that I can sing a new song. It is in seeking Him that I have found my purpose for living. He did not come into this world to make bad people good, but to bring life to the dead. Are you alive today?

Death Becomes Her

2010-05-21T05:43:00.000-07:00

Revelation 5:1-9, "And I saw a strong angel, who shouted with a loud voice: 'Who is worthy to break the seals on this scroll and open it?' But no one in heaven or on earth or under the earth was able to open the scroll and read it. Then I began to weep bitterly because no one was found worthy to open the scroll and read it. But one of the twenty-four elders said to me, 'Stop weeping! Look, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the heir to David’s throne, has won the victory. He is worthy to open the scroll and its seven seals.' Then I saw a Lamb that looked as if it had been slaughtered, but it was now standing... He stepped forward and took the scroll from the right hand of the one sitting on the throne. And when He took the scroll, the four living beings and the twenty-four elders fell down before the Lamb. Each one had a harp, and they held gold bowls filled with incense, which are the prayers of God’s people. And they sang a new song..."

Death is something that we should all think about, but something we most desperately try to avoid. Even the thought freaks us out. Death is something that travels through my mind often. When I was 20, I was given the medical diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis. That moment I felt like I had been given a death certificate. Death is something that I think about. It is something that I talk about with my young sons. It is something that I do not fear.

Last night I watched the movie "Seven Pounds" with Will Smith. He played a character who was willing to give up his life for the lives of others. He donated his heart to a woman that needed a heart, his eyes to a blind man, his liver... he donated his life to save others. He did this because he had killed many other people in a fatal car accident. He was paying back what he had taken. By the end of the movie I was in tears, sobbing. The feelings that overcame me were feelings of thankfulness and gratitude. The people that Will's character chose to be the recipients, were people that were good and deserved a chance at a new life. He watched them and saw that his life would not be waisted for theirs. They earned his love. I have been given a new life. I was stripped from my old ways and given a second chance at living life again, but I did not deserve it. Now I receive it.

I talk often to my children about heaven and hell. I want to know that if I was taken away early, that I had done my job and prepared them. Death comes at different times for everyone and it is something that I think about often. If my children go before me, I hope I can remember: Isaiah 57:1, "Good people pass away; the godly often die before their time. But no one seems to care or wonder why. No one seems to understand that God is protecting them from the evil to come. For those who follow godly paths will rest in peace when they die." Death is coming sometime for everyone. I hope that I am prepared.

Luke 12:35ff, "Be dressed for service and keep your lamps burning, as though you were waiting for your master to return from the wedding feast. Then you will be ready to open the door and let him in the moment he arrives and knocks. The servants who are ready and waiting for his return will be rewarded. I tell you the truth, he himself will seat them, put on an apron, and serve them as they sit and eat! He may come in the middle of the night or just before dawn. But whenever he comes, he will reward the servants who are ready..." Romans 1:18-21, "But God shows His anger from heaven against all sinful, wicked people who suppress the truth by their wickedness. They know the truth about God because He has made it obvious to them. For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see His invisible qualities—His eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God. Yes, they knew God, but they wouldn’t worship Him as God or even give Him thanks. And they began to think up foolish ideas of what God was like. As a result, their minds became dark and confused..."

Every day my job is to prepare my heart and my children's heart, not for death, for life. We are given another chance to live. We all must die physically, but death does not scare me. I know the author of life and I am looking forward to seeing the Lion, the Lamb. When I die, I want to be buried in my wedding dress. I want my children to rejoice and know that their mother is where I always wanted to be. If my children die before me, I want to get my comfort in knowing they are living better than I am here. I want to know that God was and is still protecting them. Death, I think about it often. I love my life, for I have been given a new life with Christ, but this life is incomplete. I have a longing to be with my Savior in person. I want to thank Him for giving up His life, so I could truly live. I have found the true joy in living and the celebration in dieing. Does death scare you? Do you know the joy in living right now? Can you really enjoy the life you have been given? I love my Savior! For without Him giving up His life for me long ago, I would not be alive today.

http://utmost.org/having-god%E2%80%99s-unreasonable-faith/