Saturday, October 23, 2010

Honey in the Rock

It can be so hard and frustrating to try and counsel someone that is not a believer in Christ, nor do they have any desire to be. There is no hope in that counsel. There is no life there, and it seems, no answers for them. Now, I have so much bottled up. I must share my hope. We all struggle with times of depression. We all have those moments when we want to pull the covers back over our heads and not face the light of day. Our tendency is to want to feed the depression. Instead of fighting against it, we all want to give in and embrace our feelings. We turn on music that will give us a feeling of entitlement to our attitude. We want to watch depressing movies that allow us to share our emotions with someone else. Even if it is just through an actor playing a part. We go toward the darkness instead of fleeing from it. We think that we are better off and it is better for us to accommodate our lives to how we are feeling. Instead, of fighting against the feelings, we embrace them.

Here is the part that saddens me when speaking to an unbeliever who is suffering with depression, I don't know how to encourage them to come out of their imprisonment. It is during those hard times that we as followers of Christ can feel Him. He is found in the rocks of life. "But I would feed you with the finest foods. I would satisfy you with wild honey from the rock,” (Psalm 81). When those hard times in life are felt, when we see a rock in front of us that seems impenetrable, it is then that we can see the mighty hand of God helping us over, around, and through that obstacle.

Honey is the taste of God. Honey is the sweetness of God that can be found in the most outrageous of places. When we are faced with situations that would appear as though we would die, that is when the sweetness of God can truly be tasted. Psalm 119:103, "How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!" There is enough strength in honey to make a weak man strong. When the men would go out into battle and they were worn from exhaustion, if they could just get a little honey it would give them enough strength to continue on and win the battle.

It is often that God is the most intense during the darkest and most difficult times in our life. There is enough of God in every rock, on every path of life, to help you take another step. We are not to embrace the feelings of depression, but to find the honey that is offered there. Some love the darkness, but they are missing the best part of that darkness by rejecting the sweetness of God. That true sweetness is only found by those who are willing to listen to Him. He is the only One who can really give you life and a joy that surpasses all here on this earth.

Oswald Chambers, "When we are born again, the Holy Spirit begins to work His new creation in us, and there will come a time when there is nothing remaining of the old life. Our old gloomy outlook disappears, as does our old attitude toward things, and 'all things are of God' (2 Corinthians 5:18)... Once we truly see God at work, we will never be concerned again about the things that happen, because we are actually trusting in our Father in heaven, whom the world cannot see." Can you taste the Honey in the rock?

Friday, October 15, 2010

Walls

The older my son gets, the more I can see me in my relationship with my God. In this case, I am in the place of God in my relationship with my son, as God is to me in our relationship. I love my son no matter what, but when he disobeys me, he is the one building the walls between us. It is a matter of constant little disobedience that builds those walls one brick, one rebellious moment at a time.

Just the other night I had had my fill of those rebellious moments. I asked him to go and take a shower. Which in reply, he informed me that he just needed to wash his feet. This went back and forth several times, till I just said, "Go." When he came out he had only washed his feet! Then I very firmly told him, he better get in there and wash his whole body, now. When he got out he did another subtle little act of disobedience and the scolding was on. He thought it was my fault and I was being too hard on him. For this act was so small, but it was a combination of them all, all day long, that I was seeing. After we shared some tears, I explained to him that when he obeys me we have a good relationship. But, when he disobeys me, he is the one building the walls between us. It is his act of rebellion that places those feelings of rejection, anger, aloneness, all those negative feelings he thinks that I am responsible for, he is the true owner of those feelings. He is the one responsible for building that wall.

How we can become so concerned with our parts of obedience that we forget that God sees the whole picture, not just that act, in that moment. We think, "But, I am doing so good. Did you see that I sacrificed here? I gave my part in that... here." Jesus had just one thing to say about doing our little acts of obedience in one area, while neglecting the others. “What sorrow awaits you teachers of religious law and you Pharisees. Hypocrites! For you are careful to tithe even the tiniest income from your herb gardens, but you ignore the more important aspects of the law—justice, mercy, and faith. You should tithe, yes, but do not neglect the more important things..." (Matthew 23:23) The emphasis was on doing your part in all God is calling you to do, not just one area. He did not say that you could just pick one area and leave out something else. No, He said, "tithe, yes..." As we give back to God we do not get to choose just one thing and leave out the rest of the body. Tithe, then do whatever else He is telling you to do. It is not a choice between different things, but to do as much you can, as often as you are presented with the opportunity. Some may think, "but I do not work at the church building this scripture is for them, not me." Be careful. There is more. We cannot take just one thing that Jesus says and leave out another part. “But I warn you—unless your righteousness is better than the righteousness of the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees, you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven!" (Matthew 5:20). No, every bit is for everyone.

How many times do we have an opportunity to serve, or to love on someone, or to open our home up and have someone over, or to give that little extra bit of money in our pocket? How many times do we neglect the subtle nudges from God to obey? How many times have we disobeyed Him and in return built a small piece of wall between the two of us. How many times have we neglected to spend that precious moment with just Him, so that we will be better equipped to deal with the rest of this life that is facing us?

We are not called to be like our pastor, our teacher, our friend, or our neighbor. We are called be like Christ. He is our example and He is perfect. He always gave first. He always considered those special moments alone with God to be most valuable. He always gave everything He had. He never asked for anything in return, except for us to do as He does. Do we? Or are we slowly building a wall between us and Christ by what we do not do? It is not a matter of salvation. That was done by Christ alone, on the Cross. It is a matter of whether or not we are willing to obey or not. We cannot have that pure relationship with Christ that we desire if we are constantly building walls between us.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Remembering When

Remembering where I came from...
I always wanted to get married. I had a desire to make things right and I thought that if I were to get married, then all of my troubles would be solved. I was fifteen when I lost my virginity and it was then that I knew I needed help. I spent the next seven years trying to fit my desire to get married on to any and every guy that came my way. I did not care what kind of guy he was. Actually, most of the time I preferred the kind of guy that sort of scared me. I liked the thrill of the moment and for some reason, because he scared me, I felt safe in his arms. My seven years were spent trying to find a husband. So, at twenty-two I ran off to Los Vegas and got married to the guy that I had been dating for one year. Being married to him did not solve my problems at all. In fact, it multiplied them.

I was always running to the wrong thing to save me. I was always looking to a guy to fill that deep wound in my heart. I thought that being married would solve my problems. I think most girls feel this way. They may no longer have the desire to get married, for most are scared to death of marriage, because of all the marriages they see falling apart around them. But, most are looking to the wrong things to make them feel safe, secure, powerful, and wanted.

I stayed married to him for four years. During that time all hell had broken loose. I became addicted to drugs; pornography and the sex industry were running ramped all around me, until I myself became a stripper. My life was falling apart. I was dying. It was in the most horrible time of my life that I discovered how to call to God. It was during this time that I finally was able to let God take control of my life, for I could finally see how truly lost I was without Him.

"I will praise the Lord at all times. I will constantly speak His praises. I will boast only in the Lord; let all who are helpless take heart. Come, let us tell of the Lord’s greatness; let us exalt His name together. I prayed to the Lord, and He answered me. He freed me from all my fears. Those who look to Him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces. In my desperation I prayed, and the Lord listened; He saved me from all my troubles. For the angel of the Lord is a guard; He surrounds and defends all who fear Him. Taste and see that the Lord is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in Him!" (Psalm 34)

I often go back in my mind to who I was without Christ. I often share my most horrible sins with others. For in doing this, my memory is kept right with God. This keeps me on my knees thanking Him for saving me when I called to Him for help. I know who I am without Him. Without Him, I am a lier, a thief, an adulterous woman, a prostitute. Without Him, I am nothing and I know it.

"Come, my children, and listen to me, and I will teach you to fear the Lord. Does anyone want to live a life that is long and prosperous? Then keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies! Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it. The eyes of the Lord watch over those who do right; His ears are open to their cries for help. But the Lord turns His face against those who do evil; He will erase their memory from the earth. The Lord hears His people when they call to Him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed."

I used to believe that I had to have it all together before God would hear me cry. I used to think that I had to be perfect first, before He would save me. God is not looking for a perfect person. "Jesus said, 'It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.'" (Matthew 9:12) What He wants is a heart that will turn to Him. What He desires is for the sinner to realize who they really are without Him. What He wants is for us to know how far we can fall when we are not relying on Him. What He wants is to give us a new life. “It is important for you and me to know that God is not really giving us a more ethical way by which to live, but He is giving us a life that we could never manufacture on our own; by changing our hearts and changing our hungers.” (RZ)

I cannot take credit for the life that I live now. I cannot take credit for the great marriage that I now have. I cannot take credit for anything that I rejoice in, for I know where to give that credit. I tried to make my own life and it fell apart. He has given me a life now that I could have never dreamed up on my own. He has given me this life, because my heart and my desires are now for Him alone. Some may think that I am over the top. A crazy, insane person, because all I talk about is God. But I know how far I can fall without Him. Do you? Or do you give yourself credit for the life that you are living? If you do, be careful. One day you make wake up and the pride that you feel in yourself, may just slap you in your face. Don't wait till you are on the wrong side of life before you give your life to Him...

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Shatter the Teeth of the Wicked!

Oswald Chambers, "I cannot save and sanctify myself; I cannot make atonement for sin; I cannot redeem the world; I cannot right what is wrong, purify what is impure, or make holy what is unholy. That is all the sovereign work of God..."

I do not have all of the answers. I cannot mend a broken heart. I cannot help the hopeless or save someone form destruction, but I can point them to the One that can. I have no answers for the unbeliever, for anything that I say is really hopeless without God. I can give them godly advise and leave it at that, but I cannot change their life. He must do that. You can cry to God when you feel wronged, and if you want something bad to happen to that person, you can tell Him that as well. That is one thing that I love about my God. He can take your anger. He can hear you when you are alone. He can comfort you when you feel abandoned. He can help you when you have anger and resentment against another person. You can call on Him and ask Him to take revenge on the wrong that someone has done to you. Give your troubles and cares to Him so that you become free.

Psalm 3,7, "Arise, O Lord! Rescue me, my God! Slap all my enemies in the face! Shatter the teeth of the wicked!... Arise, O LORD, in your anger; rise up against the rage of my enemies. Awake, my God; decree justice... He (the one that has hurt me) who is pregnant with evil and conceives trouble gives birth to disillusionment. He who digs a hole and scoops it out falls into the pit he has made. The trouble he causes recoils on himself; his violence comes down on his own head. I will give thanks to the LORD because of his righteousness and will sing praise to the name of the LORD Most High."

How thankful I am that I can cry out to God when someone wounds me. I can tell Him to bring catastrophe back upon them, and it is okay. It is okay for me to feel anger and for me to express that feeling to God. He can handle it. We just have to remember to give it to the only One who needs to deal with it, instead of letting that wound grab hold of our heart and letting it destroy us instead of them. Cry out to God. Ask Him to bring justice upon them. Give them to God. Then after you have made your case with God, after you have given your cries to Him, allow Him to heal you.

(OC), "If I construct my faith on my own experience, I produce the most unscriptural kind of life— an isolated life, with my eyes focused solely on my own holiness. Beware of that human holiness that is not based on the atonement of the Lord. It has no value for anything except a life of isolation— it is useless to God and a nuisance to man. Measure every kind of experience you have by our Lord Himself. We cannot do anything pleasing to God unless we deliberately build on the foundation of the atonement by the Cross of Christ."

After we have taken our case to Christ, we must let it go. For if we are constantly focused on the sins others have done to us, we miss the Cross given to us. We become a people always comparing our lives with other people, instead of comparing it with the only One who is perfect. Our standards become low. We start looking at others and thinking, "but I would never do that. I am not saying the same things that person is saying. I am not as bad as..." After we have taken our case of pain to God, we need to turn and focus our life on Christ. He is the only One who we need to compare our life to. In keeping our focus on Him, we can see who we really are without Him. In keeping our focus on the Cross, our own hearts will not become hard to others who sin against us. For really, compared to Him, we are all lost. Tell God your deepest wounds. Cry to Him and beg Him to take vengeance on them. Then release your hold on them and focus your life on the Cross.

Friday, October 8, 2010

In my Health

In my health, I have been reading Job. In a time of my life when things are going well for me, I have been reading Job. This has been good. Often in times of pain and torment, I have turned to this book to help me. This time I turn to it in my health. In reading it I can set myself out of the pain and look at the whole picture without the physical resentment of what is happening to me. In my health, I can see how truly shallow I am.

So often we think that our lives really affect God. We have a tendency to believe that He needs us. We think that we deserve good from Him, because we have been so good. Because we think this way, when catastrophe happens, we turn against God. We become like little children who think that they deserve a special treat for being good. We do things "for God", but in reality we are serving Him for what He will give us in return. We do this in our lives all of the time. Everything we do, we are looking for reward. And when that reward does not come, we become bitter and hurt, for we deserved better than what we got. All God ever desired from us is our heart. He desires our love. And in return, we work for Him, to get more from Him. Do we know how to love Him? Are we willing to worship Him?

Oswald Chambers, "Isn’t it humiliating to be told that we must come to Jesus! Think of the things about which we will not come to Jesus Christ. If you want to know how real you are, test yourself by these words— 'Come to Me...' In every dimension in which you are not real, you will argue or evade the issue altogether rather than come; you will go through sorrow rather than come; and you will do anything rather than come the last lap of the race of seemingly unspeakable foolishness and say, 'Just as I am, I come.' As long as you have even the least bit of spiritual disrespect, it will always reveal itself in the fact that you are expecting God to tell you to do something very big, and yet all He is telling you to do is to 'Come...'”

In my health, I am not consumed with self pity. In my health. I can see Him. So I am writing this, in my health, to remind me of who my God is and why I serve Him. I serve Him, because I love Him. I love Him, because He loved me first. I try my best not to sin. Not because I want a reward, but because He freed me from my slavery to sin. I worship Him, because He deserves to be worshiped. I respect Him because He deserves my respect. Not because of who I am, or what He has done for me, but because of who He is. I try to do my best, not to make Him love me more, but to not destroy His reputation that He has placed in my care. Why do I serve Him? Because, He is God and He deserves my worship!

(OC), "How often have you come to God with your requests and gone away thinking, 'I’ve really received what I wanted this time!' And yet you go away with nothing, while all the time God has stood with His hands outstretched not only to take you but also for you to take Him. Just think of the invincible, unconquerable, and untiring patience of Jesus, who lovingly says, 'Come to Me...'”