What a time of learning and trying to discover my way in this new life. The past 6 months have been a whirlwind for us all..... Here is a list of some things that have happened.
July
*sold and bought our home
*packed our home of 12 years
*finally passed my real estate exam!
August
*moved
*boys private school closed 2 weeks before school was to start-- the scramble for their education began
September
*California for another Adult Stem Cell therapy for MS
*start homeschooling the boys, with help of a tutor
*stop leading the college/young adult ministry at church
*start going to real estate office 3 x week
With many more things in daily life (ie... flight for life my father-in-law to Denver again, still going to Crested Butte, 30 minutes away for care taking second homes at least once a week) and trying to adjust to my new roles, I haven't felt like I've had much time to myself in order to acclimate to life. Learning to breathe again as I walk out this new pathway, trying to keep relationships that I had previously built, figuring out my new work expectations, having my children home all day with/without me, and feeling heavy burdens about leaving the ministry (but trying to help my young adults know that I still love them). So, so many changes! But with changes, there were many things that did not change, I just had to reconfigure my time and fit them into my daily life.
During this very hectic time I also read a new book, God at War by Gregory A. Boyd. This book was a hard start for me, but a few chapters/months in I started learning to look at God and spiritual warfare more perceptively. My time, my circumstances, my responsibilities, my health, and my relationships they are all parts of my life that can drive me into chaos and despair. There is another aspect of our lives that we often overlook or casually pass by without giving it the proper understanding, for we are focused on the moment. We are in a constant battle in the spiritual realm. There are oppressors wanting our allegiance. I battle with this daily. The gods at war within my home, my sanctuary, asking me to bow down before them, to give them my peace. They are forever following me, trying to take control.
It has now been 6 months of trying to breathe as I run. As I look outside at the freshly falling snow with the deer walking by my window I listen to my son breathe, with legs swaying as he does his school work. I can hear the other activities of my home coming from the floor above me and I settle on the issue at hand, there is a battle for my peace, for my allegiance. I can either tell myself that it is God constantly testing me (which may be true) or I can see that there are many adversaries who come against us all in the battle for our obedience.
Our salvation is a function of Christ's exalted lordship, and His lordship is a function of His victory over, and now enthronement above, all "rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named" (Eph 1:21). We are allowed by God's grace to share in the cosmic victory Christ has accomplished through the cross. There is quite literally a new King on the throne. And all who will simply acknowledge this kingship have a share in His gracious kingdom, and even in His powerful authority over opposing forces...
Have you ever thought of the different kingdoms of the medieval times. I can see in my minds eye one ruler over an entire area, but within that area are different smaller kingdoms with lords and dukes that seemed to rule. If you lived within the walls of a keep and never ventured outside, you may think that the lord who ruled over you was the true King. However, in reality, he was not. He was only a small ruler within a larger kingdom. This is how it is with Christ. He is the true King, but within His kingdom there have been many other lords who have tried to rule over us with the intent of gaining our obedience... Some gain our obedience by stealing our peace and making us bow down to our emotions. This is the lord that often tries to rule over me... They try and trick us into believing their lie that they are the true king and there is no one else.
Our ultimate fear is death and this is where Jesus came in and established His Lordship forever. Now it is up to us to accept His rule and not bow down to the smaller atrocities that come against us in life. We are to keep our peace and learn to battle against what is coming against us, not succumb to its terror. Moment by moment I am constantly having to retrain my focus. Someone else is coming against me. It's not just Me, but powers rulers and authorities that are trying to gain my obedience. Whom will I bow down to? Who will rule my life?
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do. James 1:5-8
I do not want to be unstable or double minded. I want my actions to reflect what I believe. I believe in the One True God. Please God, let my actions reflect what I believe. Keep me strong so that I can win this small battle. Help me to focus my attention in the right way, on You. Help me to be stable and strong. Help me to learn to breathe even in the chaos of life. I love You my Father, thank You
