Haggai, "This is what the LORD Almighty says: 'Give careful thought to your ways. Go up into the mountains and bring down timber and build the house, so that I may take pleasure in it and be honored,' says the LORD. 'You expected much, but see, it turned out to be little. What you brought home, I blew away. Why?' declares the LORD Almighty. 'Because of my house, which remains a ruin, while each of you is busy with his own house. Therefore, because of you the heavens have withheld their dew and the earth its crops.'" I love to read about the Temple of the LORD. I love to see how He wanted His house to be treated. I love this because, I finally realized by looking at how much He loved His house, how much He loves me. Once we have seen how much we need Him, and ask Him to come and live in us, we become the House of the LORD. But just like the people Haggai was speaking to, we become lazy.
We start off with a boom, then we become content with our progress and start turning from Him again. I have done it; I have seen it. We get caught in our sins. Our desires tell on us, because our desires are where we spend our time. Then our sins are pointed out to us and we think we are about to loose everything, so we beg for forgiveness. We ask those we love to forgive us and we expect God to never leave us. So our hearts are open to others and to God and for a while we are wanting others to help us. For a while we change, then we become relaxed and our true love comes calling us back. We no longer have the immediate fear of loosing everything because of our sin, so we start slowly walking back to our love. Then before we know it, we are no longer working with God on His house, but we are living with our true hearts revealed by our actions.
It is hard to constantly be working on myself. I start feeling tired and I start following the desire to relax, but He never wants us to stop working on His house. I am the house of God and so are you. If we become relaxed and start letting the roof leak, then soon the floor will mold. That little thing that seems so harmless, is a crack in the window. If we allow the crack to remain, then pretty soon we will have only glass outside and an open hole where the window used to be. Those little desires that lead us away from our true work, destroy us from the moment we allow them to enter. Only in the beginning we do not feel the wind blowing in all around us. We only see a small scratch.
Where is your hearts desire? What do you hold dear in your hands? It is actually very easy to see what you treasure. Others can see it. They see where you spend your time. They see where your hearts desire lays. Do you see it in yourself? When was the last time you stopped and looked at the house of God? Have you become lazy and relaxed in your work to improve His house? Where do you spend your time? What are you really in love with?
Oswald Chambers, "Many of us appear to be all right in general, but there are still some areas in which we are careless and lazy... Not only must our relationship to God be right, but the outward expression of that relationship must also be right. Ultimately, God will allow nothing to escape; every detail of our lives is under His scrutiny. God will bring us back in countless ways to the same point over and over again. And He never tires of bringing us back to that one point until we learn the lesson, because His purpose is to produce the finished product. It may be a problem arising from our impulsive nature, but again and again, with the most persistent patience, God has brought us back to that one particular point. Or the problem may be our idle and wandering thinking, or our independent nature and self-interest. Through this process, God is trying to impress upon us the one thing that is not entirely right in our lives." Do you see where you have become lazy in your construction of His house? Because others do, or will...
http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/07/31/devotion.aspx?year=2009
Friday, July 31, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Warrior/Martyr
As I sit reading this morning, Nahum and Habakkuk, tears have been streaming down my face. I see the terrors that the righteous faced and I feel the battle brewing in the midst. It is one thing to think about going into battle for God, as a great warrior. It is quite another thinking, He may be calling you to battle to be a martyr. I have friends coming tonight to my house. They are traveling here from Kansas, where I have been asked to speak in youth rallies about sex, about God, about my life and the choices that the kids are faced with today. I am filled with hope and excitement, mixed with concerns and uncertainties. I do not know if God is calling me to battle to be a mighty warrior for Him, or if I am going to be a martyr.
Habakkuk 2:3, "...these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow. wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed..." If anyone knows me at all they know that I am not a very patient person. I like instant gratification. However, the God that I serve is a very patient God and to live according to His timing always takes patience on our part. Things will not happen too soon, nor will He be late. It is in His control. He is Sovereign. If He is asking us to go into battle, we will go. If He is asking us to become martyrs, then martyrs it is.
Oswald Chambers, "In the Bible clouds are always associated with God. Clouds are the sorrows, sufferings, or providential circumstances, within or without our personal lives, which actually seem to contradict the sovereignty of God. Yet it is through these very clouds that the Spirit of God is teaching us how to walk by faith. If there were never any clouds in our lives, we would have no faith. 'The clouds are the dust of His feet' (Nahum 1:3). They are a sign that God is there. What a revelation it is to know that sorrow, bereavement, and suffering are actually the clouds that come along with God! God cannot come near us without clouds— He does not come in clear-shining brightness." When I see the battle raging ahead of me, do I see the victory? Am I looking to God and seeing it His way? Or, am I doing things for my own glory? Am I truly walking by faith, in every aspect of my life? Does it matter if I am called to be a mighty warrior or a martyr? The only thing that matters is Christ and His light being shown through His followers. It does not matter if I am called for something "great". I am called to live this day, this moment for Him. Am I living today for His glory? Do I give Him the victory?
http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/07/29/devotion.aspx?year=2009
Habakkuk 2:3, "...these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow. wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed..." If anyone knows me at all they know that I am not a very patient person. I like instant gratification. However, the God that I serve is a very patient God and to live according to His timing always takes patience on our part. Things will not happen too soon, nor will He be late. It is in His control. He is Sovereign. If He is asking us to go into battle, we will go. If He is asking us to become martyrs, then martyrs it is.
Oswald Chambers, "In the Bible clouds are always associated with God. Clouds are the sorrows, sufferings, or providential circumstances, within or without our personal lives, which actually seem to contradict the sovereignty of God. Yet it is through these very clouds that the Spirit of God is teaching us how to walk by faith. If there were never any clouds in our lives, we would have no faith. 'The clouds are the dust of His feet' (Nahum 1:3). They are a sign that God is there. What a revelation it is to know that sorrow, bereavement, and suffering are actually the clouds that come along with God! God cannot come near us without clouds— He does not come in clear-shining brightness." When I see the battle raging ahead of me, do I see the victory? Am I looking to God and seeing it His way? Or, am I doing things for my own glory? Am I truly walking by faith, in every aspect of my life? Does it matter if I am called to be a mighty warrior or a martyr? The only thing that matters is Christ and His light being shown through His followers. It does not matter if I am called for something "great". I am called to live this day, this moment for Him. Am I living today for His glory? Do I give Him the victory?
http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/07/29/devotion.aspx?year=2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Close my Mouth
Micah 6, "...Tell Me why your patience is exhausted! Answer Me! For I brought you out of Egypt and redeemed you from your slavery... the LORD has already told you what is good... to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God." Matthew 15:18-20, "Those things which proceed out of the mouth come from the heart... For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies. These are the things which defile a man..."
Oh, how I hate how I act. I hate the sin in my life. I hate the failure that I can be. My worst enemy has always been me. I am not a patient mother or wife. God has given me a family that most would dream about. My husband is patient and loving with me. He helps me around the house. He shows me his love by serving me, as Christ served those He loved. My boys are sweet and fun. They are full of life and curious about everything beautiful. I truly have no complaints, then why are there so many negative things that come out of my mouth. I am my own worst enemy. My heart is full of selfishness and my mouth is full of death. How do I change my heart, for out of the heart the mouth speaks.
I have felt this way before about my mouth and Christ subdued it, till my heart followed. I must release control of my mouth, so that He can change my heart. There was a time when I hated all men with a passion that most cannot understand. In order for Him to change my heart, I had to close my mouth. I must do this again. It is going to take work and effort on my part. Change is never easy. We get used to living a certain way and we feel pain when the labor increases. I hate pain, but I despise the hate in my heart even more. If I will do the work and control my mouth, He will change my heart. That change that He wants me to make, is so worth the reward at the end.
Micah 7, "...The LORD will bring me out of my darkness into the light, and I will see His righteousness... Once again You will have compassion on us. You will trample our sins under Your feet and throw them into the depths of the ocean!" I have been on this journey before. It was a different sin, a different addiction, but the same heart. He is still working on me, until that day when my entire heart is under His control. I am not perfect, I never will be. But as long as I am willing to look directly at my sin and ask Him for help in healing my broken heart, my journey toward purity will only get better. I am a work in progress and it is about the journey now, that counts.
Oswald Chambers, "We tend to think that if Jesus Christ compels us to do something and we are obedient to Him, He will lead us to great success. We should never have the thought that our dreams of success are God’s purpose for us. In fact, His purpose may be exactly the opposite. We have the idea that God is leading us toward a particular end or a desired goal, but He is not. The question of whether or not we arrive at a particular goal is of little importance, and reaching it becomes merely an episode along the way. What we see as only the process of reaching a particular end, God sees as the goal itself."
Oh God, please help me to remember that it is about today. It is about each step that I take and every moment that counts. Give me Your love so that I can show my children how much You love them. Give me Your strength, so that I can show my husband how much you adore him. Help me to close my mouth, so that You can heal my broken heart.
http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/07/28/devotion.aspx?year=2009
Oh, how I hate how I act. I hate the sin in my life. I hate the failure that I can be. My worst enemy has always been me. I am not a patient mother or wife. God has given me a family that most would dream about. My husband is patient and loving with me. He helps me around the house. He shows me his love by serving me, as Christ served those He loved. My boys are sweet and fun. They are full of life and curious about everything beautiful. I truly have no complaints, then why are there so many negative things that come out of my mouth. I am my own worst enemy. My heart is full of selfishness and my mouth is full of death. How do I change my heart, for out of the heart the mouth speaks.
I have felt this way before about my mouth and Christ subdued it, till my heart followed. I must release control of my mouth, so that He can change my heart. There was a time when I hated all men with a passion that most cannot understand. In order for Him to change my heart, I had to close my mouth. I must do this again. It is going to take work and effort on my part. Change is never easy. We get used to living a certain way and we feel pain when the labor increases. I hate pain, but I despise the hate in my heart even more. If I will do the work and control my mouth, He will change my heart. That change that He wants me to make, is so worth the reward at the end.
Micah 7, "...The LORD will bring me out of my darkness into the light, and I will see His righteousness... Once again You will have compassion on us. You will trample our sins under Your feet and throw them into the depths of the ocean!" I have been on this journey before. It was a different sin, a different addiction, but the same heart. He is still working on me, until that day when my entire heart is under His control. I am not perfect, I never will be. But as long as I am willing to look directly at my sin and ask Him for help in healing my broken heart, my journey toward purity will only get better. I am a work in progress and it is about the journey now, that counts.
Oswald Chambers, "We tend to think that if Jesus Christ compels us to do something and we are obedient to Him, He will lead us to great success. We should never have the thought that our dreams of success are God’s purpose for us. In fact, His purpose may be exactly the opposite. We have the idea that God is leading us toward a particular end or a desired goal, but He is not. The question of whether or not we arrive at a particular goal is of little importance, and reaching it becomes merely an episode along the way. What we see as only the process of reaching a particular end, God sees as the goal itself."
Oh God, please help me to remember that it is about today. It is about each step that I take and every moment that counts. Give me Your love so that I can show my children how much You love them. Give me Your strength, so that I can show my husband how much you adore him. Help me to close my mouth, so that You can heal my broken heart.
http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/07/28/devotion.aspx?year=2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
Over and Over Again, We See
Jonah is a short book, but it has so many different lessons to learn. When Jonah tells the other sailors to throw him in the water, not only does he know he did wrong by running from God, he also knows how to fix the problem that he has just caused. Why didn't he just jump into the water himself? Instead he waits for others to have the guilt upon them, by making them throw him in. After he is delivered from the fish, he turns and gives God's message to the people of Nineveh. But in this, there was never any pity for the people. He obeyed God in his actions, but his heart was still cold toward the people. Because his heart was still so hard, he sat in the hot sun and then blamed everyone else for his misery. "You feel sorry about the plant, though you did nothing to put it there. And a plant is only, at best, short lived. But Nineveh has more than 120,000 people living in spiritual darkness, not to mention all the animals. Shouldn't I feel sorry for such a great city?" In all of Jonah's problems, he never sees that it is his heart that needs to be changed. He knows why his problems are occurring, yet he is not willing to take responsibility for his behavior and change his circumstances.
Just like Jonah, we have all known what was the right thing to do. Yet, in our hardheartedness, we try and get others to take responsibility for our poor choices. Jonah should have obeyed in the beginning, but he didn't. Because of his disobedience he suffered the storm. Because of the storm, he had others throw him in the water. What he should have done was to jump in himself. How often I have found myself in bad situations, and because I did not want to suffer the consequences of my own choices, others had to do the work I was supposed to be doing. Then he chose to sit in the hot sun. And because of this choice, he suffered to the point of wanting to die. Over and over again, Jonah finds himself in bad situations. Over and over again, we see how hard his heart really was. Over and over again, we see it was his choice that he ultimately suffered.
How many of us are living life with a hard heart toward God? As I look at the things that I am still struggling with, I can see that it is still my own fault. It is the hardness of my own heart and the choices that I make daily, that bring trouble into my life. It is my responsibility to give my heart to the Holy Spirit, so that He can change my heart. If I would let go of my own selfish desires and hurts, I would be able to find true peace. It is not my husbands responsibility to make me happy. It is my choice in how I act, the situations I find myself in, and the consequences of my choices, are my responsibility. Others cannot help us with our sins. Because in relying on others, we will constantly find ourselves in the same situation struggling with the same hard heart. Only by truly turning our desires toward God, can we find peace and freedom from our addictions. Everyone has something they are addicted to. Once God reveals the truth to you about that sin, it is your own responsibility to follow what He desires for your life. Have you really turned your entire life over to Christ? What will it take for you to let go and find true joy? What are you holding on to that causes your heart to be hard toward God?
Just like Jonah, we have all known what was the right thing to do. Yet, in our hardheartedness, we try and get others to take responsibility for our poor choices. Jonah should have obeyed in the beginning, but he didn't. Because of his disobedience he suffered the storm. Because of the storm, he had others throw him in the water. What he should have done was to jump in himself. How often I have found myself in bad situations, and because I did not want to suffer the consequences of my own choices, others had to do the work I was supposed to be doing. Then he chose to sit in the hot sun. And because of this choice, he suffered to the point of wanting to die. Over and over again, Jonah finds himself in bad situations. Over and over again, we see how hard his heart really was. Over and over again, we see it was his choice that he ultimately suffered.
How many of us are living life with a hard heart toward God? As I look at the things that I am still struggling with, I can see that it is still my own fault. It is the hardness of my own heart and the choices that I make daily, that bring trouble into my life. It is my responsibility to give my heart to the Holy Spirit, so that He can change my heart. If I would let go of my own selfish desires and hurts, I would be able to find true peace. It is not my husbands responsibility to make me happy. It is my choice in how I act, the situations I find myself in, and the consequences of my choices, are my responsibility. Others cannot help us with our sins. Because in relying on others, we will constantly find ourselves in the same situation struggling with the same hard heart. Only by truly turning our desires toward God, can we find peace and freedom from our addictions. Everyone has something they are addicted to. Once God reveals the truth to you about that sin, it is your own responsibility to follow what He desires for your life. Have you really turned your entire life over to Christ? What will it take for you to let go and find true joy? What are you holding on to that causes your heart to be hard toward God?
Saturday, July 25, 2009
A River of Righteous Living that will Never Run Dry
Amos, "Keep on disobeying- your sins are mounting up!... Then give your extra voluntary offerings so you can brag about it everywhere! This is the kind of thing you love to do... 'But still you wouldn't return to Me,' says the LORD... I hate all your show and pretense- the hypocrisy of our religious festivals and solemn assemblies... Away with your hymns of praise! They are only noise to my ears. I will not listen to your music, no matter how lovely it is. Instead I want to see a mighty flood of justice, a river of righteous living that will never run dry."
How often we live our lives fooling ourselves by thinking, "as long as I am doing my duty, serving in the church, leading songs, acting nice in front of others, basically looking like I am good outwardly, this is all I need to do." This is a lie that Satan wants all of us to believe, for God has called us all to a higher standard. He has called us to show the image of Christ in our changed life to others. It is not to just outsiders like people we go to church with, but to the ones closest to us, our families, our spouse, our children, our parents. I often tend to fool myself, by thinking that I am better and can do something on my own, but then my parents come to visit and I realize that I am exactly the same. My attitude turns sour and my actions are not loving. We all have someone that we do this with. At work we can be very likable people, then we return home to our spouse and we act horrible and degrade the very ones we are supposed to truly love. It is in these times that our true character is revealed. It is during this time that I have to look at just how far I still need to go.
Please dear God, change my very heart. Change the very person that I am, so that I can truly live according to your Holy Spirit. Give me the ability to show your love, no matter what situation I am in. Don't ever let me become relaxed to the point of sinning, just because my loved ones are supposed to forgive me and "take it."
Oswald Chambers, "The teachings of Jesus are all out of proportion when compared to our natural way of looking at things, and they come to us initially with astonishing discomfort. We gradually have to conform our walk and conversation to the precepts of Jesus Christ as the Holy Spirit applies them to our circumstances. The Sermon on the Mount is not a set of rules and regulations— it is a picture of the life we will live when the Holy Spirit is having His unhindered way with us."
http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/07/25/devotion.aspx?year=2009
How often we live our lives fooling ourselves by thinking, "as long as I am doing my duty, serving in the church, leading songs, acting nice in front of others, basically looking like I am good outwardly, this is all I need to do." This is a lie that Satan wants all of us to believe, for God has called us all to a higher standard. He has called us to show the image of Christ in our changed life to others. It is not to just outsiders like people we go to church with, but to the ones closest to us, our families, our spouse, our children, our parents. I often tend to fool myself, by thinking that I am better and can do something on my own, but then my parents come to visit and I realize that I am exactly the same. My attitude turns sour and my actions are not loving. We all have someone that we do this with. At work we can be very likable people, then we return home to our spouse and we act horrible and degrade the very ones we are supposed to truly love. It is in these times that our true character is revealed. It is during this time that I have to look at just how far I still need to go.
Please dear God, change my very heart. Change the very person that I am, so that I can truly live according to your Holy Spirit. Give me the ability to show your love, no matter what situation I am in. Don't ever let me become relaxed to the point of sinning, just because my loved ones are supposed to forgive me and "take it."
Oswald Chambers, "The teachings of Jesus are all out of proportion when compared to our natural way of looking at things, and they come to us initially with astonishing discomfort. We gradually have to conform our walk and conversation to the precepts of Jesus Christ as the Holy Spirit applies them to our circumstances. The Sermon on the Mount is not a set of rules and regulations— it is a picture of the life we will live when the Holy Spirit is having His unhindered way with us."
Am I Blessed Like This?
Blessed are . . . —Matthew 5:3-11
http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/07/25/devotion.aspx?year=2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Passing the Blame
Hosea 4-9, "Don’t point your finger at someone else and try to pass the blame! My complaint...is with you...Alcohol and prostitution (pornography) has robbed my people of their brains...When the men of Israel finish their drinking, off they go to find some prostitutes... Your deeds won’t let you return to your God. You are a prostitute through and through, and you do not know the Lord . The arrogance of Israel testifies against her;...Its people don’t realize that I am watching them. Their sinful deeds are all around them, and I see them all...They are all adulterers, always aflame with lust...What sorrow awaits those who have deserted me! Let them die, for they have rebelled against me. I wanted to redeem them, but they have told lies about me. They do not cry out to me with sincere hearts. Instead, they sit on their couches and wail..."
In everything that we do, in every way we live, we are responsible for our own actions. We do the things we do, because we want to. We cannot blame others for the sin in our own lives. I wanted to blame my ex husband for the drug abuse and pornography in my own life, but in reality I was responsible for how I was living. Even today, I want to hold Jason responsible for my emotions, but I am responsible for how I am acting. I try and pass the blame on the circumstance, kids, or time of the month, but that is so I do not have to be held responsible for how I am acting in the moment. We can take the drink, then try to blame the alcohol for what we do afterwards. But in reality, it was our choice to drink that started the whole process. Every sin starts with a desire; every desire directs the choices that we choose to act upon.
I have heard time and time again, "It is my choice and it only affects me." This is not true. It is a lie that we choose to believe, so that we can act the way we want to. It does not matter if we are single, married, have children, or not, every choice that we choose affects others in our lives. Men seem to think that looking at pornography affects no one else, but it affect the very way they talk and act around others. Women seem to think that we can blame everything on our periods, but how we act affects everyone around us. Alcoholics think their drinking only affect them, but it affects their employers and everyone they associate with. College students seem to think this is just the stage they are in and everyone is doing it, but the choices they make now will affect every part of their lives to come. Everything we do matters and every way we live affects others around us. What we have to grasp is that we are responsible for everything we do. We can blame no one else and God will hold us responsible for how we live. Christ gave us His example and asked us to follow Him. Choose this day how you will live. Choose this day to choose life.
"Beware of placing Our Lord as a Teacher first. If Jesus Christ is a Teacher only, then all He can do is to tantalize me by erecting a standard I can not attain. What is the use of presenting me with an ideal I cannot possibly come near? I am happier without knowing it. What is the good of telling me to be what I never can be - to be pure in heart, to do more than my duty, to be perfectly devoted to God? I must know Jesus Christ as Saviour before His teaching has any meaning for me other than that of an ideal which leads to despair. But when I am born again of the Spirit of God, I know that Jesus Christ did not come to teach only: He came to make me what He teaches I should be. The Redemption means that Jesus Christ can put into any man the disposition that ruled His own life, and all the standards God gives are based on that disposition." (O. C) Do you know Christ? Have you turned your life over to Him so that you can find the true peace and joy of living?
http://www.myutmost.org/07/0721.html
In everything that we do, in every way we live, we are responsible for our own actions. We do the things we do, because we want to. We cannot blame others for the sin in our own lives. I wanted to blame my ex husband for the drug abuse and pornography in my own life, but in reality I was responsible for how I was living. Even today, I want to hold Jason responsible for my emotions, but I am responsible for how I am acting. I try and pass the blame on the circumstance, kids, or time of the month, but that is so I do not have to be held responsible for how I am acting in the moment. We can take the drink, then try to blame the alcohol for what we do afterwards. But in reality, it was our choice to drink that started the whole process. Every sin starts with a desire; every desire directs the choices that we choose to act upon.
I have heard time and time again, "It is my choice and it only affects me." This is not true. It is a lie that we choose to believe, so that we can act the way we want to. It does not matter if we are single, married, have children, or not, every choice that we choose affects others in our lives. Men seem to think that looking at pornography affects no one else, but it affect the very way they talk and act around others. Women seem to think that we can blame everything on our periods, but how we act affects everyone around us. Alcoholics think their drinking only affect them, but it affects their employers and everyone they associate with. College students seem to think this is just the stage they are in and everyone is doing it, but the choices they make now will affect every part of their lives to come. Everything we do matters and every way we live affects others around us. What we have to grasp is that we are responsible for everything we do. We can blame no one else and God will hold us responsible for how we live. Christ gave us His example and asked us to follow Him. Choose this day how you will live. Choose this day to choose life.
"Beware of placing Our Lord as a Teacher first. If Jesus Christ is a Teacher only, then all He can do is to tantalize me by erecting a standard I can not attain. What is the use of presenting me with an ideal I cannot possibly come near? I am happier without knowing it. What is the good of telling me to be what I never can be - to be pure in heart, to do more than my duty, to be perfectly devoted to God? I must know Jesus Christ as Saviour before His teaching has any meaning for me other than that of an ideal which leads to despair. But when I am born again of the Spirit of God, I know that Jesus Christ did not come to teach only: He came to make me what He teaches I should be. The Redemption means that Jesus Christ can put into any man the disposition that ruled His own life, and all the standards God gives are based on that disposition." (O. C) Do you know Christ? Have you turned your life over to Him so that you can find the true peace and joy of living?
http://www.myutmost.org/07/0721.html
Monday, July 20, 2009
Adultery
Hosea 2, "She said, 'I will go after my lovers, who give me my food and my water, my wool and my linen, my oil and my drink.'...She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them." Whether we want to admit it or not, we have all committed adultery. We see others that we think we want. We see them and think they will offer us a better life. They will offer us true joy and satisfaction. They will satisfy our bodies and we will finally find fulfillment. Physical and spiritual adultery are the same. We set out seeking fulfillment and are left with the feelings of disappointment and dissatisfaction. "Both spiritual and physical adultery begin with diverting affection from one object of devotion to another."
If I take my eyes off of my husband and begin looking longingly at other men, then I will begin to seek after someone else. It begins subtly. You never start out thinking, I am going to ruin my marriage and destroy others in my life. You start out wishing your spouse were different. You start concentrating on their faults and comparing them with someone else. Then after some time has gone by you are blind to what you are doing and you find yourself in bed with another. "The diverting of our affection is the first step in the blinding process that leads into sin." This is not some impulse that you have no control over, but a longing in your heart that you have lusted after until you have fulfilled it. Many times you do not even know it is happening until it is too late. It starts small, then your relationship with your mate is destroyed. No matter how good your life may be in the end, you will never be able to rid your thoughts of the destruction and pain that you caused in the process.
God is our husband and we are continually looking to others to satisfy our longings. He has called us to love only Him, but we are adulterers. After we have exhausted our running after others, then we will finally turn back to Him. "She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them. Then she will say, 'I will go back to my Husband as at first, for then I was better off than now.' She has not acknowledged that I was the one who gave her the grain, the new wine and oil, who lavished on her the silver and gold...Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her...'In that day,' declares the LORD, 'you will call me 'my Husband'; you will no longer call me 'my Master'." How often I have left my true love for the thought of finally finding better. I have been so wrong. It seems there is always the promise of better. The grass always seems better on the other side, but I always find myself returning home afterwards. No matter what others promise me; no matter how many gifts they give me; my Husband is the one who offers me true satisfaction. He is the one that will care for me and He is the one that will always truly love me. He has paid the ultimate price for me. I have done nothing that deserves His love, for I am an adulterous wife. Christ, my true Husband, offers true satisfaction and true joy. So why am I continually looking after others to satisfy my feelings. If I do not stop in my longings, I will continually be left with a feeling of disappointment. Who do you long after?
Every marriage takes work and commitment. We cannot live continually on an emotional high. If we enter our marriage with the idea that it will be more loving moments than work, we will always be looking to others to satisfy our illusions. This life is work. In our relationship with our spouse and with our LORD, we must work on ourselves and our part of the marriage. It is when we become selfish and think that there is someone better, or our husband is not doing His part, that we start looking at others. Every day I must look at myself and see what my role in this relationship is. If I start judging my Husband and looking at Him with disappointment, then I may be tempted to sleep with another.
http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/07/20/devotion.aspx?year=2009
If I take my eyes off of my husband and begin looking longingly at other men, then I will begin to seek after someone else. It begins subtly. You never start out thinking, I am going to ruin my marriage and destroy others in my life. You start out wishing your spouse were different. You start concentrating on their faults and comparing them with someone else. Then after some time has gone by you are blind to what you are doing and you find yourself in bed with another. "The diverting of our affection is the first step in the blinding process that leads into sin." This is not some impulse that you have no control over, but a longing in your heart that you have lusted after until you have fulfilled it. Many times you do not even know it is happening until it is too late. It starts small, then your relationship with your mate is destroyed. No matter how good your life may be in the end, you will never be able to rid your thoughts of the destruction and pain that you caused in the process.
God is our husband and we are continually looking to others to satisfy our longings. He has called us to love only Him, but we are adulterers. After we have exhausted our running after others, then we will finally turn back to Him. "She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them. Then she will say, 'I will go back to my Husband as at first, for then I was better off than now.' She has not acknowledged that I was the one who gave her the grain, the new wine and oil, who lavished on her the silver and gold...Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her...'In that day,' declares the LORD, 'you will call me 'my Husband'; you will no longer call me 'my Master'." How often I have left my true love for the thought of finally finding better. I have been so wrong. It seems there is always the promise of better. The grass always seems better on the other side, but I always find myself returning home afterwards. No matter what others promise me; no matter how many gifts they give me; my Husband is the one who offers me true satisfaction. He is the one that will care for me and He is the one that will always truly love me. He has paid the ultimate price for me. I have done nothing that deserves His love, for I am an adulterous wife. Christ, my true Husband, offers true satisfaction and true joy. So why am I continually looking after others to satisfy my feelings. If I do not stop in my longings, I will continually be left with a feeling of disappointment. Who do you long after?
Every marriage takes work and commitment. We cannot live continually on an emotional high. If we enter our marriage with the idea that it will be more loving moments than work, we will always be looking to others to satisfy our illusions. This life is work. In our relationship with our spouse and with our LORD, we must work on ourselves and our part of the marriage. It is when we become selfish and think that there is someone better, or our husband is not doing His part, that we start looking at others. Every day I must look at myself and see what my role in this relationship is. If I start judging my Husband and looking at Him with disappointment, then I may be tempted to sleep with another.
http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/07/20/devotion.aspx?year=2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Lust of the Heart
Ezekiel 23, "Once there were two sisters... They became prostitutes in Egypt. Even as young girls, they allowed men to fondle their breasts. The older girl was named Oholah, and her sister was Oholibah. I married them... Then Oholah lusted after other lovers instead of Me... For when she left Egypt, she did not leave her spirit of prostitution behind. She was still as lewd as in her youth... And so I handed her over to her Assyrian lovers, whom she desired so much. They stripped her, took away her children as their slaves, and then killed her... Yet even though Oholibah saw what had happened to Oholah, her sister, she followed right in her footsteps. And she was even more depraved, abandoning herself to her lust and prostitution... her reputation was known... Then she carried her prostitution even further. She fell in love with pictures that were painted on a wall...When she saw these paintings, she longed to give herself to them...After being defiled, however, she rejected them in disgust... I will send your lovers against you from every direction... And I will hand you over to them for punishment so they can do with you as they please. I will turn my jealous anger against you, and they will deal harshly with you... In this way, I will put a stop to the lewdness and prostitution you brought from Egypt. You will never again cast longing eyes on those things or fondly remember your time in Egypt... And because you have forgotten me and turned your back on me, this is what the Sovereign Lord says: You must bear the consequences of all your lewdness and prostitution... You will be fully repaid for all your prostitution—your worship of idols. Yes, you will suffer the full penalty. Then you will know that I am the Sovereign Lord.”
We all have something we lust after. Many times for men, it is pornography. In looking at the pictures and searching on the computer, they turn from reality and get lost in a false world of sex. I have seen men so addicted to pornography that they no longer love women. They have so sought their desires, that they now, have a loathing toward the women they actually have a relationship with. Now that they have fully defiled themselves, they now reject the very ones they so desired and feel a disgust every time they see a woman. Their heart is now wounded and they blame the women for their sin. Yet, they continually turn toward the images they lust after, but they cannot have a truly fulfilling sexual relationship with their own wives. It is a cycle of addiction and idolatry that haunt their every thought. I have seen very strong and successful men brought to their knees in their pursuit of sexual pleasure, for they never find what they are looking for. They are always left with a feeling of disgust and a knowing they are weak.
For women it is different, but the same. We tend to turn to food, or pursue our husbands to the point of driving them away. We get so caught up in our own body image that no man wants to hear any longer how we think we look. We can become obsessed with ourselves to the point that we reject others around us. We have a tendency to take everything personally and feel we are being rejected all of the time. When in reality, they have no idea what we are putting upon them. We are continually looking at ourselves in the mirror and then asking others to change our minds on how we see ourselves. In trying to become the perfect woman, we resent others around us. Our desire for our husband becomes obsessive to the point of resentment toward him. We destroy our relationships, the very thing we are worshiping.
Both men and women, have passions that we lust after. We turn our hearts desires toward others, then we are left feeling empty and wanting. When we try and place things of this world in the place of God, we will be left with a feeling of inadequacy every time. God has placed a desire in all of us. We all have tried to fill that desire with things we can see here on earth. As long as we are turning to others to be our gods, we will never be filled. (vs 34-35) "You will drain that cup of terror to the very bottom. Then you will smash it to pieces and beat your breast in anguish. I, the Sovereign Lord, have spoken! And because you have forgotten me and turned your back on me, this is what the Sovereign Lord says: You must bear the consequences of all your lewdness and prostitution.” We must stop putting other things in the place of God. When we truly change our hearts desires, and love only Him, we will then find true fulfillment. What are you worshiping today?
We all have something we lust after. Many times for men, it is pornography. In looking at the pictures and searching on the computer, they turn from reality and get lost in a false world of sex. I have seen men so addicted to pornography that they no longer love women. They have so sought their desires, that they now, have a loathing toward the women they actually have a relationship with. Now that they have fully defiled themselves, they now reject the very ones they so desired and feel a disgust every time they see a woman. Their heart is now wounded and they blame the women for their sin. Yet, they continually turn toward the images they lust after, but they cannot have a truly fulfilling sexual relationship with their own wives. It is a cycle of addiction and idolatry that haunt their every thought. I have seen very strong and successful men brought to their knees in their pursuit of sexual pleasure, for they never find what they are looking for. They are always left with a feeling of disgust and a knowing they are weak.
For women it is different, but the same. We tend to turn to food, or pursue our husbands to the point of driving them away. We get so caught up in our own body image that no man wants to hear any longer how we think we look. We can become obsessed with ourselves to the point that we reject others around us. We have a tendency to take everything personally and feel we are being rejected all of the time. When in reality, they have no idea what we are putting upon them. We are continually looking at ourselves in the mirror and then asking others to change our minds on how we see ourselves. In trying to become the perfect woman, we resent others around us. Our desire for our husband becomes obsessive to the point of resentment toward him. We destroy our relationships, the very thing we are worshiping.
Both men and women, have passions that we lust after. We turn our hearts desires toward others, then we are left feeling empty and wanting. When we try and place things of this world in the place of God, we will be left with a feeling of inadequacy every time. God has placed a desire in all of us. We all have tried to fill that desire with things we can see here on earth. As long as we are turning to others to be our gods, we will never be filled. (vs 34-35) "You will drain that cup of terror to the very bottom. Then you will smash it to pieces and beat your breast in anguish. I, the Sovereign Lord, have spoken! And because you have forgotten me and turned your back on me, this is what the Sovereign Lord says: You must bear the consequences of all your lewdness and prostitution.” We must stop putting other things in the place of God. When we truly change our hearts desires, and love only Him, we will then find true fulfillment. What are you worshiping today?
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Sexual Intimacy
In talking with women about sexual struggles between them and their husbands, it can be very difficult for me. The difficulty comes in when I am feeling for the woman and memories are coming into play. It can be very hard for me to not bring my own hurts into their relationship. What I want to do is to side with the woman and tell her that she is completely right and that she should move into the next bedroom. However, there are very few times in our life where we will be the only right one in the situation. There are always two sides to every problem.
Just the other day a young woman came to me and shared an encounter her husband and her had, had. She felt betrayed and violated because of what he had done during their time together. As I was listening to her talk, my heart was breaking. I felt my emotions coming and my own betrayal surfacing in my heart. What the man had done was wrong, for he did not want to hear, her want, and only was looking to please himself. Both her and I, were tying it to pornography and wanting to put that sin upon it, but that is not the case. Where the sin comes into play was his lack of respect or caring concerning her feelings about what he was doing to her. Her sin was in tying this problem to his past and not fulling giving herself to him, because of her hurts concerning pornography.
When I feel I am over my head about a topic, or that my own hurts are going to interfere, I have access to some very good resources. I know I am weak. I am not afraid to ask for help, so I emailed Harry (www.stonegateresources.org). He has been counseling those with sexual sin for over 20 years, I trust his advise. He sent me a portion of John Pipers book.
Okay, so obviously this is not what I wanted to hear. But this is what I wanted to hear; I want to hear the truth. I want to know what the appropriate answer is. Later on in the article, I felt better. "The leadership of the husband is defined by Paul not mainly as demanding his rights but as laying down his life for the good of his wife (Ephesians 5:25). Therefore, the predominant resolution of the sexual paradox is that the husband gently and tenderly takes the lead in seeking to maximize his wife’s pleasure, taking her longings deeply into account, rather than pressuring her to adapt to his." If we keep our goal as pleasing the other person we will not have to suffer. We are servants to one another. My husband is my servant, I am his. When we keep this in our minds then we will not be seeking to please our self, but to please the other.
I was wrong in going against my own feelings when my ex husband asked me to do certain things. I should have stood my ground and felt like that was okay. He should have respected me enough as his wife to allow me to say no to some things. I wanted to please him and in doing this, I had no boundaries. Sometimes our own desires can get in the way of what is okay. Sometimes there is really nothing wrong with what the other person is desiring, but if we are uncomfortable, they should want to please us. In remembering it is about the other person, we should have a very fulfilling sexual life as husband and wife. When our own selfish desires get in the way, our needs are not really met. It is in remembering the other person first, where we will find true enjoyment. It is about being a servant to the one you say you love.
http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/TasteAndSee/ByDate/2009/3869_Sexual_Intimacy_and_the_Rights_Over_a_Spouses_Body_in_Marriage/
Just the other day a young woman came to me and shared an encounter her husband and her had, had. She felt betrayed and violated because of what he had done during their time together. As I was listening to her talk, my heart was breaking. I felt my emotions coming and my own betrayal surfacing in my heart. What the man had done was wrong, for he did not want to hear, her want, and only was looking to please himself. Both her and I, were tying it to pornography and wanting to put that sin upon it, but that is not the case. Where the sin comes into play was his lack of respect or caring concerning her feelings about what he was doing to her. Her sin was in tying this problem to his past and not fulling giving herself to him, because of her hurts concerning pornography.
When I feel I am over my head about a topic, or that my own hurts are going to interfere, I have access to some very good resources. I know I am weak. I am not afraid to ask for help, so I emailed Harry (www.stonegateresources.org). He has been counseling those with sexual sin for over 20 years, I trust his advise. He sent me a portion of John Pipers book.
The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Okay, so obviously this is not what I wanted to hear. But this is what I wanted to hear; I want to hear the truth. I want to know what the appropriate answer is. Later on in the article, I felt better. "The leadership of the husband is defined by Paul not mainly as demanding his rights but as laying down his life for the good of his wife (Ephesians 5:25). Therefore, the predominant resolution of the sexual paradox is that the husband gently and tenderly takes the lead in seeking to maximize his wife’s pleasure, taking her longings deeply into account, rather than pressuring her to adapt to his." If we keep our goal as pleasing the other person we will not have to suffer. We are servants to one another. My husband is my servant, I am his. When we keep this in our minds then we will not be seeking to please our self, but to please the other.
I was wrong in going against my own feelings when my ex husband asked me to do certain things. I should have stood my ground and felt like that was okay. He should have respected me enough as his wife to allow me to say no to some things. I wanted to please him and in doing this, I had no boundaries. Sometimes our own desires can get in the way of what is okay. Sometimes there is really nothing wrong with what the other person is desiring, but if we are uncomfortable, they should want to please us. In remembering it is about the other person, we should have a very fulfilling sexual life as husband and wife. When our own selfish desires get in the way, our needs are not really met. It is in remembering the other person first, where we will find true enjoyment. It is about being a servant to the one you say you love.
http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/TasteAndSee/ByDate/2009/3869_Sexual_Intimacy_and_the_Rights_Over_a_Spouses_Body_in_Marriage/
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Hidden Door
Ezekiel 8, "Then He said to me, 'Son of man, look toward the north.' So I looked, and in the entrance north of the gate of the altar I saw this idol of jealousy. And He said to me, 'Son of man, do you see what they are doing—the utterly detestable things the house of Israel is doing here, things that will drive me far from my sanctuary? But you will see things that are even more detestable.' Then he brought me to the entrance to the court. I looked, and I saw a hole in the wall. He said to me, 'Son of man, now dig into the wall.' So I dug into the wall and uncovered a door to a hidden room. And He said to me, 'Go in and see the wicked and detestable things they are doing here... They say, 'The LORD does not see us; the LORD has forsaken the land.' Again, He said, 'You will see them doing things that are even more detestable."... He said to me, 'Have you seen this, son of man?..."
How many times have I heard, have I said, "It does not matter, I am not hurting anyone. Why not?" It does matter. Everything we do matters. We can get caught in criticizing others for the things we are seeing them do, but do we, ourselves, see the things we hold hidden from others? Or should I say, things that we think we are hiding from others. We think we are safe as long as no one is around that knows us, or if we are truly alone in our own house. But God can go into those hidden places, those places we hold dear and sacred. To God, there are no secrets; there are no doors to our life that He cannot uncover. (9:9-10) "They say, 'The LORD has forsaken the land; the LORD does not see.' So I will not look on them with pity or spare them, but I will bring down on their own heads what they have done." We rely on a false sense of security, feeling we have gotten away with something. Oh, but we haven't. Everything always gets brought to light. He will uncover those hidden sins. Then, we will stand ashamed.
We go along our merry way, either pointing our finger at others or accepting every sin as, 'no big deal'. Then one day the bottom falls out and we cry, asking God 'why' and accusing Him of being unjust and cruel. We forget that He was patient with us, giving us time to come to Him. Why is it that we do not see or hear until we are in pain? Why do my children"want" me to spank them? We are a stubborn and rebellious people. We would rather believe the lie that, 'we can get away with it', rather than change before the pain. The good part is, that after we have exhausted all of our searching, His true love can be felt. (11:18-21), "I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Then they will follow My decrees and be careful to keep My laws. They will be My people, and I will be their God. But as for those whose hearts are devoted to their vile images and detestable idols, I will bring down on their own heads what they have done, declares the Sovereign LORD." What we need to do is to be careful that we are not stubbornly, continually going against God, after He has revealed the truth to us. For when that sin is revealed we will be utterly ashamed.
Oswald Chambers, ". . . 'choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve. . . .' Your choice must be a deliberate determination— it is not something into which you will automatically drift. And everything else in your life will be held in temporary suspension until you make a decision. The proposal is between you and God—" What are you secretly holding dear? Whom do you serve? There are no secrets from God. The sooner we turn our lives over to Him, the sooner we can be set free from our secret bondage...
http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/07/08/devotion.aspx?year=2009
How many times have I heard, have I said, "It does not matter, I am not hurting anyone. Why not?" It does matter. Everything we do matters. We can get caught in criticizing others for the things we are seeing them do, but do we, ourselves, see the things we hold hidden from others? Or should I say, things that we think we are hiding from others. We think we are safe as long as no one is around that knows us, or if we are truly alone in our own house. But God can go into those hidden places, those places we hold dear and sacred. To God, there are no secrets; there are no doors to our life that He cannot uncover. (9:9-10) "They say, 'The LORD has forsaken the land; the LORD does not see.' So I will not look on them with pity or spare them, but I will bring down on their own heads what they have done." We rely on a false sense of security, feeling we have gotten away with something. Oh, but we haven't. Everything always gets brought to light. He will uncover those hidden sins. Then, we will stand ashamed.
We go along our merry way, either pointing our finger at others or accepting every sin as, 'no big deal'. Then one day the bottom falls out and we cry, asking God 'why' and accusing Him of being unjust and cruel. We forget that He was patient with us, giving us time to come to Him. Why is it that we do not see or hear until we are in pain? Why do my children"want" me to spank them? We are a stubborn and rebellious people. We would rather believe the lie that, 'we can get away with it', rather than change before the pain. The good part is, that after we have exhausted all of our searching, His true love can be felt. (11:18-21), "I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Then they will follow My decrees and be careful to keep My laws. They will be My people, and I will be their God. But as for those whose hearts are devoted to their vile images and detestable idols, I will bring down on their own heads what they have done, declares the Sovereign LORD." What we need to do is to be careful that we are not stubbornly, continually going against God, after He has revealed the truth to us. For when that sin is revealed we will be utterly ashamed.
Oswald Chambers, ". . . 'choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve. . . .' Your choice must be a deliberate determination— it is not something into which you will automatically drift. And everything else in your life will be held in temporary suspension until you make a decision. The proposal is between you and God—" What are you secretly holding dear? Whom do you serve? There are no secrets from God. The sooner we turn our lives over to Him, the sooner we can be set free from our secret bondage...
http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/07/08/devotion.aspx?year=2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
God is Love
Ezekiel 3, "Then he said to me, "Son of man, eat this scroll I am giving you and fill your stomach with it.' So I ate it, and it tasted as sweet as honey in my mouth...But I will make you as unyielding and hardened as they are. I will make your forehead like the hardest stone, harder than flint. Do not be afraid of them or terrified by them, though they are a rebellious house.' And he said to me, 'Son of man, listen carefully and take to heart all the words I speak to you. Go now to your countrymen in exile and speak to them. Say to them, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says,' whether they listen or fail to listen." I feel this calling on my life. I feel like Christ is asking me to write, whether others listen or not. I have been alone in exile and I feel He is asking me to share my life so that others may have a chance to get out of their own exile.
God has given us so many warnings. He is a loving God. He is love, but He cannot tolerate sin. Through His love, He has given us a chance to be saved from our sin, but we must act on that chance. Many people read the Old Testament and see a God of wrath and vengeance, but I see a God of love and patience. I see this because for years He would warn the people of the inevitable to come, if they did not turn from their sins. He did not want them to suffer, so He sent others to warn them of the heartache they were going to cause upon themselves. In my own life, I can look back and see the warnings God was putting right in front of me. It is like He was begging me to stop and turn to Him, so that I would not have to suffer so much. But in my rebellion, I turned my back on Him and did what "I" wanted to do. So in retrospect, I chose my own misery. I chose to not heed the warning. I chose to "live the good life." In choosing my own ways, I chose my destruction.
God is good. God is love. The other day Eric, my 6 yr old, asked me, "Mom, why is God love?" I looked at him and said, "That is just who He is. He is love." Then I asked him, "Why are you a little boy?" "I just am," was his reply. Then I ended with, "That is why God is love, He just is." In this love, He is constantly warning us to not choose destruction, but begging us to choose Him. In His love and mercy He is giving us the opportunity to choose life. He warns us that He cannot tolerate sin and He can only accept us, if we will accept Him. In His loving kindness, He gives us the ultimate decision. He will not force us to choose Him. He waits patiently for us to come to Him, but there is a warning. There is destruction waiting for us, if we choose it. In this life I choose Him. But in this life, He allowed me to choose my suffering as well. Every day I must make a conscious effort to choose Him. My choice is in everything that I do, from the music that I listen to, the shows that I watch, the "everything" that I put in my body. I choose Him in how I choose to dress. I choose Him in how I talk to my family and others. Or do I? I must stop and look, every day, at the choices that I make. He is love and He is begging me to choose Him. What are you choosing in the choices that you are making? "I place in front of you life and death, choose this day how you will live. Choose life."
Oswald Chambers, "If we are going to live as disciples of Jesus, we have to remember that all efforts of worth and excellence are difficult. The Christian life is gloriously difficult, but its difficulty does not make us faint and cave in—it stirs us up to overcome. Do we appreciate the miraculous salvation of Jesus Christ enough to be our utmost for His highest—our best for His glory?"
http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/07/07/devotion.aspx?year=2009
God has given us so many warnings. He is a loving God. He is love, but He cannot tolerate sin. Through His love, He has given us a chance to be saved from our sin, but we must act on that chance. Many people read the Old Testament and see a God of wrath and vengeance, but I see a God of love and patience. I see this because for years He would warn the people of the inevitable to come, if they did not turn from their sins. He did not want them to suffer, so He sent others to warn them of the heartache they were going to cause upon themselves. In my own life, I can look back and see the warnings God was putting right in front of me. It is like He was begging me to stop and turn to Him, so that I would not have to suffer so much. But in my rebellion, I turned my back on Him and did what "I" wanted to do. So in retrospect, I chose my own misery. I chose to not heed the warning. I chose to "live the good life." In choosing my own ways, I chose my destruction.
God is good. God is love. The other day Eric, my 6 yr old, asked me, "Mom, why is God love?" I looked at him and said, "That is just who He is. He is love." Then I asked him, "Why are you a little boy?" "I just am," was his reply. Then I ended with, "That is why God is love, He just is." In this love, He is constantly warning us to not choose destruction, but begging us to choose Him. In His love and mercy He is giving us the opportunity to choose life. He warns us that He cannot tolerate sin and He can only accept us, if we will accept Him. In His loving kindness, He gives us the ultimate decision. He will not force us to choose Him. He waits patiently for us to come to Him, but there is a warning. There is destruction waiting for us, if we choose it. In this life I choose Him. But in this life, He allowed me to choose my suffering as well. Every day I must make a conscious effort to choose Him. My choice is in everything that I do, from the music that I listen to, the shows that I watch, the "everything" that I put in my body. I choose Him in how I choose to dress. I choose Him in how I talk to my family and others. Or do I? I must stop and look, every day, at the choices that I make. He is love and He is begging me to choose Him. What are you choosing in the choices that you are making? "I place in front of you life and death, choose this day how you will live. Choose life."
Oswald Chambers, "If we are going to live as disciples of Jesus, we have to remember that all efforts of worth and excellence are difficult. The Christian life is gloriously difficult, but its difficulty does not make us faint and cave in—it stirs us up to overcome. Do we appreciate the miraculous salvation of Jesus Christ enough to be our utmost for His highest—our best for His glory?"
http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/07/07/devotion.aspx?year=2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
Poured Out in Agony
Lamentations, "See, O LORD, how distressed I am! I am in torment within, and in my heart I am disturbed, for I have been most rebellious. Outside, the sword bereaves; inside, there is only death... I have cried until the tears no longer come; my heart is broken. My spirit is poured out in agony..." The agony that comes after the party is over. How many times I have been on this weeping path. One of the final times, when I had had enough, was right before I left my ex. I came to Colorado to spend time with my grandmother. I was an addict and after being here for one week, I ran out of weed. After the fog had cleared, I could see myself for what I really was. I had been stripping for one year and addicted to drugs for more than three. My life was falling apart and I hit my knees. It is hard to look at your failures; to see yourself for what you really are. I was everything disgusting to everyone who looked at me. I was to be used and thrown away as trash, for trash is what I had become. I had turned from God and now laid truly naked, without anyone to help clothe me. The feelings of utter despair and regrets filled my soul to the point that I felt I would not be able to take another breath. It was in this, that I was able to see my need for Christ, for He is the only one who could ever clean someone as dirty as I was.
It was in this moment of revelation that I felt rejuvenated, refreshed and ready to change. I never could have guessed the changing process would take so long. In this process I got a divorce, my addictions would not let me go, and my life was utterly torn apart. Every time I looked at myself, all I saw was a complete failure. In my process of destroying myself, I had been in the process of destroying everyone that come in contact with me. Now the reality of who I was, was staring me right in my face. I have never cried so much. I had never been torn like that before. It was in this lonely dessert that I was able to truly see myself. Oh how I hate to look at my decay. How truly healing this was for me.
(3:19-27) "The thought of my suffering and homelessness is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in Him!' The Lord is good to those who depend on Him, to those who search for Him. So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the Lord. And it is good for people to submit at an early age to the yoke of His discipline: Let them sit alone in silence beneath the Lord’s demands. Let them lie face down in the dust, for there may be hope at last. Let them turn the other cheek to those who strike them and accept the insults of their enemies. For no one is abandoned by the Lord forever. Though He brings grief, He also shows compassion because of the greatness of His unfailing love. For He does not enjoy hurting people or causing them sorrow."
If you are in a time of sorrow; If you feel you are a failure in everything you do; If you feel you will never be set free from your addictions; Wait on the LORD, for He has not abandoned you. We want the change to come so easily and quickly, but we did not dig this ditch over night. It takes work, it takes relying on Christ, it takes effort on our part to see who we really are. I am constantly looking at myself and asking God to reveal my failures to me. I am not sitting in sorrow any longer, writhing in pain, feeling like an utter failure. I am asking God to show me truth, so that I can live free. Those bonds sneak in so quietly that you are in the battle, before you ever knew there was a war. Every day I turn to Him first. Then to others who are wiser than me, for I know my failures.
I know how weak I am without Him and this helps me to be strong.
Don't give up. Turn to God. Look at yourself through the eyes of truth, so that you can find freedom. Allow Christ to make you strong...
http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/07/06/devotion.aspx?year=2009
It was in this moment of revelation that I felt rejuvenated, refreshed and ready to change. I never could have guessed the changing process would take so long. In this process I got a divorce, my addictions would not let me go, and my life was utterly torn apart. Every time I looked at myself, all I saw was a complete failure. In my process of destroying myself, I had been in the process of destroying everyone that come in contact with me. Now the reality of who I was, was staring me right in my face. I have never cried so much. I had never been torn like that before. It was in this lonely dessert that I was able to truly see myself. Oh how I hate to look at my decay. How truly healing this was for me.
(3:19-27) "The thought of my suffering and homelessness is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in Him!' The Lord is good to those who depend on Him, to those who search for Him. So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the Lord. And it is good for people to submit at an early age to the yoke of His discipline: Let them sit alone in silence beneath the Lord’s demands. Let them lie face down in the dust, for there may be hope at last. Let them turn the other cheek to those who strike them and accept the insults of their enemies. For no one is abandoned by the Lord forever. Though He brings grief, He also shows compassion because of the greatness of His unfailing love. For He does not enjoy hurting people or causing them sorrow."
If you are in a time of sorrow; If you feel you are a failure in everything you do; If you feel you will never be set free from your addictions; Wait on the LORD, for He has not abandoned you. We want the change to come so easily and quickly, but we did not dig this ditch over night. It takes work, it takes relying on Christ, it takes effort on our part to see who we really are. I am constantly looking at myself and asking God to reveal my failures to me. I am not sitting in sorrow any longer, writhing in pain, feeling like an utter failure. I am asking God to show me truth, so that I can live free. Those bonds sneak in so quietly that you are in the battle, before you ever knew there was a war. Every day I turn to Him first. Then to others who are wiser than me, for I know my failures.
I know how weak I am without Him and this helps me to be strong.
Oswald Chambers, "We always have a vision of something before it actually becomes real to us. When we realize that the vision is real, but is not yet real in us, Satan comes to us with his temptations, and we are inclined to say that there is no point in even trying to continue. Instead of the vision becoming real to us, we have entered into a valley of humiliation.
Life is not as idle ore,
But iron dug from central gloom,
And battered by the shocks of doom
To shape and use.
God gives us a vision, and then He takes us down to the valley to batter us into the shape of that vision. It is in the valley that so many of us give up and faint."
Don't give up. Turn to God. Look at yourself through the eyes of truth, so that you can find freedom. Allow Christ to make you strong...
http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/07/06/devotion.aspx?year=2009
Saturday, July 4, 2009
My Plan or His
Jeremiah 42, "Don’t forget this warning I have given you today. For you were not being honest when you sent me to pray to the Lord your God for you. You said, ‘Just tell us what the Lord our God says, and we will do it!’ And today I have told you exactly what He said, but you will not obey the Lord your God any better now than you have in the past." The people were hurting. They were calling out to God for help and guidance, but they had a plan already in mind. They did not want to really hear what God wanted for them, but they wanted God to agree with them and their plans.
I have been this person too many times. I have "my" plan in mind; I pray and pray for God to go along with my plan. And yet, how many times He has told me to do something else...but it did not go along with "my" plan. Everyone does it to some degree, but sometimes we say it is God's plan. We say that it is what God wants for us, but you can see when others say this, that they are just masking their plan with "it is what God wants." I have said it and I have been on the receiving end of it. But the fruit that is harvested after the plan is carried out, is the truth in the whole situation. Truth is always revealed. You can either be on the side of truth from the beginning or you can be proven a liar in the end. It is when we truly surrender our wants over to God and do what He really wants us to do, that we find joy in His truth. It is the selfishness that gets in our way. Just like our little children, we want things our way. But God is not calling us to do things our way. He is calling us to find life in obeying Him and in obeying Him we can truly live.
You may really think that you are obeying God, but you may be really missing Him. This can happen. When it does you can see your heart, for you will admit that you were wrong. It is when you defend yourself that you know that you really were not open to the truth from the beginning. I have seen people leave their spouse and say that God was with them in this decision. They give all of the biblical reasons, but in their life, after their divorce, is where truth is revealed. Nothing changes. Everything that they were blaming their spouse for, they are still doing. Truth is revealed and they are known as a liar. When we are really following God, we will change. We will obey Him even though it may hurt and we may have to suffer through it.
Jeremiah 39:18, "Because you have trusted Me, I will preserve your life and keep you safe. I the LORD have spoken!" Jeremiah trusted God and obeyed God, even though he was thrown in a cistern for following God's plan. He could have told the king what he wanted to hear. Then he would not have had to suffer the immediate consequences that hurt him. It is in the end that truth was revealed and Jeremiah was rewarded by God for obeying Him. We tend to be under the delusion that we are supposed to be happy all of the time. If we do not feel something then we can just escape. The problem is that we are there no matter where we go. Usually the problem is not someone else, yes they have problems they bring into our lives, but the true problem is yourself. If we cannot obey Him in the cistern, what makes us think that by escaping the trial we will be alright. It may be that God is wanting to see if you will be steady with Him, even though you may hurt in the process. Are you following your own plan? Are you making your plans, then saying it is God? Remember the truth is always revealed. Your life is witness, either for you or against you. Will you be proven a liar, or will Christ be revealed as the Savior?
I have been this person too many times. I have "my" plan in mind; I pray and pray for God to go along with my plan. And yet, how many times He has told me to do something else...but it did not go along with "my" plan. Everyone does it to some degree, but sometimes we say it is God's plan. We say that it is what God wants for us, but you can see when others say this, that they are just masking their plan with "it is what God wants." I have said it and I have been on the receiving end of it. But the fruit that is harvested after the plan is carried out, is the truth in the whole situation. Truth is always revealed. You can either be on the side of truth from the beginning or you can be proven a liar in the end. It is when we truly surrender our wants over to God and do what He really wants us to do, that we find joy in His truth. It is the selfishness that gets in our way. Just like our little children, we want things our way. But God is not calling us to do things our way. He is calling us to find life in obeying Him and in obeying Him we can truly live.
You may really think that you are obeying God, but you may be really missing Him. This can happen. When it does you can see your heart, for you will admit that you were wrong. It is when you defend yourself that you know that you really were not open to the truth from the beginning. I have seen people leave their spouse and say that God was with them in this decision. They give all of the biblical reasons, but in their life, after their divorce, is where truth is revealed. Nothing changes. Everything that they were blaming their spouse for, they are still doing. Truth is revealed and they are known as a liar. When we are really following God, we will change. We will obey Him even though it may hurt and we may have to suffer through it.
Jeremiah 39:18, "Because you have trusted Me, I will preserve your life and keep you safe. I the LORD have spoken!" Jeremiah trusted God and obeyed God, even though he was thrown in a cistern for following God's plan. He could have told the king what he wanted to hear. Then he would not have had to suffer the immediate consequences that hurt him. It is in the end that truth was revealed and Jeremiah was rewarded by God for obeying Him. We tend to be under the delusion that we are supposed to be happy all of the time. If we do not feel something then we can just escape. The problem is that we are there no matter where we go. Usually the problem is not someone else, yes they have problems they bring into our lives, but the true problem is yourself. If we cannot obey Him in the cistern, what makes us think that by escaping the trial we will be alright. It may be that God is wanting to see if you will be steady with Him, even though you may hurt in the process. Are you following your own plan? Are you making your plans, then saying it is God? Remember the truth is always revealed. Your life is witness, either for you or against you. Will you be proven a liar, or will Christ be revealed as the Savior?
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Spoken Words
Eric is my first born son. He is a gift from God in prayers answered exactly the opposite from how I asked. Let me take you back a ways. When I was pregnant with my first baby, I didn't find out the sex. I was so afraid that if I found out it was a boy, I wouldn't love or want him. You see I hated men. I had seen the side of men that made my stomach sick and I had no want in raising one. So the entire time that I was pregnant, I prayed that God would give me a girl. I did not know if I could raise a boy. I just knew that I would either ruin him, or I don't know, I just feared the worst. On July 2nd my prayers were answered, exactly like I needed them answered and Eric was born. At the time I felt God had betrayed me and He didn't understand that I was not the right person for this assignment. How wrong I was; How right God is.
I began loving that boy, like I had never loved anyone before. I loved him so much, but still had so much animosity toward men. Eric was about 6 months old and we were on a road trip. I was going at men, bashing them left and right and how pathetic they all were. Jason stopped me; pointed in the back seat and said, "What you say about men, he will become." It was this day that my mouth was shut. What I was speaking, I was becoming. No man was being hurt or helped, but I was becoming a bitter, defeated woman. Isaiah 55:10-11, "As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth; It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it."
I was planting hate. I was going to reap what I was sowing. In the seed that I was planting, nothing good was ever going to grow. My mouth was closed and in closing my mouth to hate, my heart was beginning to heal. You see, we all struggle. I have my sins and you have yours. In focusing on others failures, we can never achieve our true goal. For all of us, that goal is fulfillment. A life full of satisfaction and peace. In focusing on others, I could not see myself and in not seeing myself, I was burying myself in my own misery. I had to shut my mouth to hate; look at myself, instead of others; truly turn to Christ so that He could show me what true living was like.
My heart is now soft. I have a special love of men that I will never be able to explain. I see how they have been hit harder than many women. Maybe not in the past, but we do not live in the past. We have told them that they are weak and pathetic. Now they are listening to our words and becoming what we have said with our mouths. Our society throws sex in their face; tells them to eat, then they are destroyed when they do. I know this is true, for I was this person. What words do you speak every day? Do you say that you will never be able to change? Do you speak hate and expect a good harvest? It will never happen. When we learn the power of speaking God's word, our lives can change. I was on a path of destruction, but now, because I no longer speak hate, my heart has changed. Because I took charge of my words, my boys now have the ability of becoming strong men. I have seen men who were torn because of the very words spoken about them. I have seen the strength of men and know just how truly awesome they are. What are you speaking?
I began loving that boy, like I had never loved anyone before. I loved him so much, but still had so much animosity toward men. Eric was about 6 months old and we were on a road trip. I was going at men, bashing them left and right and how pathetic they all were. Jason stopped me; pointed in the back seat and said, "What you say about men, he will become." It was this day that my mouth was shut. What I was speaking, I was becoming. No man was being hurt or helped, but I was becoming a bitter, defeated woman. Isaiah 55:10-11, "As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth; It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it."
I was planting hate. I was going to reap what I was sowing. In the seed that I was planting, nothing good was ever going to grow. My mouth was closed and in closing my mouth to hate, my heart was beginning to heal. You see, we all struggle. I have my sins and you have yours. In focusing on others failures, we can never achieve our true goal. For all of us, that goal is fulfillment. A life full of satisfaction and peace. In focusing on others, I could not see myself and in not seeing myself, I was burying myself in my own misery. I had to shut my mouth to hate; look at myself, instead of others; truly turn to Christ so that He could show me what true living was like.
My heart is now soft. I have a special love of men that I will never be able to explain. I see how they have been hit harder than many women. Maybe not in the past, but we do not live in the past. We have told them that they are weak and pathetic. Now they are listening to our words and becoming what we have said with our mouths. Our society throws sex in their face; tells them to eat, then they are destroyed when they do. I know this is true, for I was this person. What words do you speak every day? Do you say that you will never be able to change? Do you speak hate and expect a good harvest? It will never happen. When we learn the power of speaking God's word, our lives can change. I was on a path of destruction, but now, because I no longer speak hate, my heart has changed. Because I took charge of my words, my boys now have the ability of becoming strong men. I have seen men who were torn because of the very words spoken about them. I have seen the strength of men and know just how truly awesome they are. What are you speaking?
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