Cussing, Cursing, Etiquette Lessons

I grew up in a home where I do not remember ever hearing a cuss word come from either of my parents mouths. I was always surrounded by "very upstanding" adults who never cussed in front of any of us. This doesn't mean that I never heard a cuss word. One set of grandparents, who didn't go to church, were never short on words. While the other set, who never missed church, would never utter a profane word. With this I was taught that some words were wrong, just because those words were "bad." No other explanation do I remember. Now that I am an adult and as I raise my own children, I do not want to have cussing in my home, but I would be lying if I said they never heard any. In my adult years I have actually spent a lot of time watching for this exact topic and asking many different people what they thought.

I recently put a post on Face Book that read, "Got a question for you.... Where does it say that cussing is bad? Someone show me this please."

Here are a few of the replies:

First response, "Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. Ephesians 5:4
That is good question! I always wonder the same what is consider cussing there seems to be a slang for every word out there. It's very easy cross that line I think we all do at times even when it doesn't seem like it."

Second response, "But above all, my brothers, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or by any other oath, but let your “yes” be yes and your “no” be no, so that you may not fall under condemnation. James 5:12
But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Colossians 3:8
It is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this defiles a person. Matthew 15:11
For “Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit; 1 Peters 3:10
And the best.... Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Romans 12:14. 
All of these apply to your question of cussing... In the bible it is cussing, cursing and swearing are synonymous. Now there are verses that deal with cursing as in "I curse you to hell" cursing but these talk of foul language"

Third response, "I always felt like the "obscene talk" made most cuss words fall into the immoral category."

Now I love all of these responses, but I'm not exactly sure this covers "cuss words" and why "they" are bad. In all of these scriptures that I was given, it is addressing our hearts. "For out of the heart the mouth speaks..."

This makes me think of my favorite joke...

There were these three Southern ladies sitting out on one of their front proches drinking tea and sharing what their husbands had gotten them for Christmas.

The first Southern woman, "My husband got me this luxurious mink coat that flows all the way to the ground. It's truly to die for."

"That's nice," replied one woman.

The second Southern woman, "Well my husband got me that fully loaded pink Cadillac. It's sittin out in the driveway."

"That's nice, real nice," again was one reply.

Finally the two turned to the third and asked, "Well honey what did your husband get you for Christmas?"

"Etiquette lessons," she replied.

"Etiquette lessons," they exclaimed. "What in heavens name for?"

After sitting and fidgeting for a moment, she answered. "Well, instead of saying 'F' you. I say, 'That's nice, real nice.'"

Now tell me, have we learned etiquette lesson's from the bible, or are we supposed to be ever allowing Christ to change our own hearts? "Christ did not come into this world to make bad people good. He came so that the dead shall live," Michael Ramsden.

I have a sweet friend, whom I have written about before in "The Mountains in the Distance," who often lets a cuss word slip. Then he politely says to me, "I am so sorry Jenny. I'm not meaning to offend you." I always tell him that I take no offense. His heart is not cursing me. He is simply using words that he knows to carry on a conversation, but there is something here that strikes me. He asks pardon for "my offense." Why does my friend feel he needs to ask me to pardon his speech? Is it because "as Christians" many have been easily offended? Do we see the heart of the conversation? Are we looking inwardly, into the heart of the one speaking? Or are we waiting in quick offense if a "bad" word is used?

We can so easily "curse" our children with never a "cuss" word leaving our mouth. Why is this? Do we see our resentment, our foul hearts towards others? Do we only focus on the topical with never venturing into the heart?

I try my best to see the heart, but on this one topic, I do consider my God's name is Holy. Using His name as a swear word is very hard for me to take, but even then, I cannot hold others to my same standards if they do not see Him as Holy. It is through my love, my abstaining from cussing, and my relationship with them that I can tell them of His Holiness. It is never in judgement toward them, but love shown to them from me.

With many, they have heard me cuss, especially if I am retelling a story from my past, not in a malicious way, but really in the best words I feel I can use. Some have heard me cuss when I have dropped something. Others, have felt the wrath of my cursing upon them, and with this I must always check my own heart no matter the cause or the situation.... and with this I ask forgiveness. Still others have never heard a "foul" word leave my mouth. In this instance, why? With some a cuss word is never relevant. With others, I do not want to offend them. It is our own hearts that we must always be putting on the line. Why do we? Why don't we? Who are we speaking to and who is speaking to us? I'm really not justifying cussing. Honestly. I am really only wanting the heart to be revealed in everything we say and do. Are we seeking the heart?  All so often, we never have to speak a word, but the poison harbors within our hearts. Are we able to see others through our God's eyes, so that we do not hold onto the resentment we may have toward them? Do we look within often enough to see our self truthfully?

This is a long one, I know, but I have been doing lots of soul searching/scripture reading on the topic.  My last example... My grandmother who taught me about true love of our Lord through her life, also taught me about harboring things within our hearts. She had 44 surgeries. A life lived well through her suffering. But a doctor once told her that she needed to start letting out her resentment she held within, before she continued to harm herself. She couldn't believe he said this. Not a malice word had she ever spoken, but held within her heart was much poison that was slowly killing her. I'm not saying that all her illness was due to her pain within, but I am saying that what is within our hearts makes all the difference. So whether it comes out of our mouths or not, it does come from within our hearts in some way.

Oswald, It is the Lord

Chosen

I just love learning new things. It thrills me to see things new, when I have seen them a thousand times.  I have recently been reading and listening to a lot of N.T. Wright.  One of the analogies he uses is "surround sound." In my most recent book that I am reading from him, How God Became King, he addresses how we have possibly been listening/reading the bible through a certain teaching method that may not be entirely correct. It doesn't mean that it is wrong, but there may be more. I'll try and explain...

When my husband sets up the different speakers for our home he can hear when one of the speakers is not properly attuned with the rest, for it tends to drown out the others. If the treble coming from one of the speakers is off, he instantly hears it. He listens to and wants to feel the subwoofer deliver its impact at just the right time.  His ears are tuned to listen to and detect when something is too loud from the left/right/front/back. He listens to them carefully and adjusts them till they are all in sink and coming in at the right time from the appropriate direction. I, on the other hand, will accept whatever quality of sound I hear, just as long as I can understand what is going on. In my experience I didn't grow up with different speakers, but one coming directly from the TV in front of me.

As I have been reading/learning I am suddenly aware that many things that I thought I knew didn't come from what I have read, but how they have been taught to me. Within this topic, there seems to be one speaker that has been over powering the rest. I have been in this relationship long enough now, that I am slowly becoming more accustom to hearing differently. I want to hear the surround sound. So when I hear the effects of the rumblings within my heart I pause and take note. Yesterday my heart leaped when I heard something new.

Who are the "chosen of God"? Last night I thought about this question a lot and started to remember Abraham and Moses. God chose to show them who He was. He chose them. Picked them out from among a nation (made a nation through Abraham) to lead His people. But it wasn't just for them or to save a few. It was so that the whole world would see who He is. God revealed Himself to everyone through them. He chose them to lead others, because He knew they would follow Him. Through them and their obedience the whole world can see His faithfulness. 

To answer this question more, I must take a look at who were the chosen of Jesus? If I really take pause and think about this question for a moment I come to the number 12. There were 12 that He went out and chose to be His disciples. This make me want to rethink the "elect". Yes, I know the scriptures that look like there are only a few chosen to go to heaven. But what if we read scripture through different interpreting ears, what will we hear? Ephesians 1:4-5, John 15:16, 2 Thessalonians 2:13, 2 Timothy 1:9, Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose."  For the first time today I saw something different. I saw "called according to His purpose." This to me is huge!

Does this mean that the rest of the world was at a loss and may as well give up? Or that there really is no point in going out and sharing with others about God? No, this means that "some are called according to His purpose." James 3:1, not everyone should teach... Jesus was a teacher and some He is calling for His purpose. He is asking some to be disciples, to go out as He went out and walk in His path. Does this make the others "left out" not as meaningful? 
Okay, think of it like this. Does every person need to be your leader on this spiritual journey with God? No, of course not. Does this mean that those people are "unsaved"? No. It may simply mean that they are part of the sheep, but only some are "chosen" to be the shepherds. And the different times and places that we find ourselves in during this journey may change our roles amidst the flock. In some circles, I am part of those being taught. In other circumstances, I find I am the teacher. Then at other times, at the same time, I am both.

I feel like...it seems that... the "elect" has changed to the "elite" of God. We have gone from being a people who have been chosen for a job in the service industry, to the people wearing the nice suits and being served. The ones chosen by God were never the elite, they were the chosen to show the world who the One True God really is. That is all! That is the whole point of this life. We are to become one with our Lord so that others can see Him through us.

It is within every person to have a desire to worship. Why do we find in Exodus 34:17 God instructing His people to Not worship images like we find in chapter 32? Because He knows that we must worship, but we also must see that which we worship. God is calling us to be beings made in His own image so that other people can see Him as they look at us. We are not to be worshiped, for we are not the elite. We are to be seeking Him so much that His love for others is felt through our lives. And we are to be set apart from others who are living that same way. Many atheist, Buddhist, Hindu's, ect... show love, but we are to be different by the name we bear. We are called according to His purpose and this is to show the world the True King. He paid our ransom to the one who held us captive. He conquered our enemy by conquering death, our ultimate fear.

Now, my final question is where do we see ourselves in this walk with our Lord? We can look at our life and see our call. Are we in this walk as a new believer who isn't yet in a position to teach?  Have we lived our lives as part of the flock, but never felt the courage to step out and become more? Are we feeling the intense reverberation booming within to share with others who He is, not because we are the elite, but because we are part of the elect? Oh how exciting it is for me to hear differently something I've heard a thousand times! Are you part of His flock? Are you part of His called? Can you hear the difference? I think I finally can.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, "Called By God"