The fall of a great man! How do we keep our wits about us? How do we encourage those around us to remain true and keep their life? What is "sin"? These are just some of the questions that I have been asked, and some of what I will attempt to answer now.
In 2 Samuel we see David. This is the first part of his downward spiral. We all have them! We don't talk much about his failure, we always sum it up with his "heart". But I want to talk about this from a woman's perspective. So here I go...
Bathsheba, she is on her roof where she can have a private moment of bathing. Her husband, who is a great honorable man, is off to battle for the king. She has just finished her monthly period and is now wanting to be clean. Ah, it is her time. She is unaware of someone watching her. A man who has stayed back and has awaken from a nap in the middle of the day. He is looking upon her with great want and sends for her. When she hears the knock on her door it startles her, but thinks nothing of it. "The king wants to see me! Could it be my husband? Could it be...?" She couldn't think. She got her appropriate clothes on and went with his servants, only to find him in want of her! What could she do? How could she not? It is the king and she is only a woman at his mercy. When he is finished with her, he sends her away. Broken and terrified she goes to her home only to discover later that she is pregnant.
Then many years later there is another young girl, Tamar. She is David's daughter who is wanted by her older half brother Amnon. He tricks her and is enticed by her as she cooks for him her "sick" brother. He grabs her and she begs him not do defile her in this way, but his strength is greater. He rapes her. Because he had had such want for her, his want became disgust.
This is just a small part of the story, but here is where I want to focus. These women are victims of a stronger mans desire. These are both women who share in a bigger story. Bathsheba goes through many hard times: getting raped, loss of a husband, a son, but she is later the mother of Solomon. Tamar is a victim to the core, but still maintains her integrity. "The narrator of Tamar's rape at the hands of her brother is told with a focus that emphasizes the male roles of the story: David, Amnon, and Absalom. "Even the poignancy of Tamar's humiliation is drawn out for the primary purpose of justifying Absalom's later murder of Amnon, and not for its own sake" (p. 5). In focusing on the story with Tamar, not the men, as the focal point, Cooper-White hopes to remind the readers that the lesson should come from the true victim; the female who was raped and not the men left to deal with the situation. She emphasizes "power-within" over "power-over." With "power-over," one's power is related to how many creatures one has dominion over. Tamar demonstrates the "power-within," or en-theos(God-within) by resisting as much as she could..." (White).
These women, even though they cannot see their story playing out, they do what is best in their time and keep their focus on what is important. No they do not see the whole story. But they remain true to their time, custom, and God. How are we playing out our role? How are we determining our future? Are we losing it in the moment to allow others to lose it in their's. What are we focusing on?
I have been asked by many different people the same question in different ways, but still the same point. "I wish I had sinned more when I could have. I no longer have the chance and see that I blew it." BLEW WHAT!!? Are you kidding me? David had at least 7 wives and countless concubines, do you think he regrets killing Uriah? Amnon died and created all kinds of trouble in his family, was it really worth it? Sin is relational infidelity. There are many relationships broken and lives destroyed by "Sin". But even though these men screwed up Royally, God and His story continues and over powers the powerful. He is faithful to his creation! If you wish to dive deeper into the story, you can find it beginning in 2 Samuel 11. I've left lots out, but I hope I'm clear about what I'm trying to say.
ADVENTURE is what we are often looking for, not Sin! Adventure is going out and discovering this world and all that is good. Have we had the adventures of a lifetime? Or are we living with Sin as a regret that is staining our tomorrows?
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
A Most Intimate Moment
Over the past, well more than 10 years, I have spent much time in learning who God is and who I am. The more I learn the more I am discovering His grace and mercy. Not His laws and judgments. If we look at just two parts of Paul's writings we can see so much. Last week at L!VE, we looked at Galatians. Tonight we will look at Romans 9, 10.
Chapter 9 starts with Paul revealing his heart for his people. He aches for them to see what he sees. This is my same heart ache. He tries to separate the true children of the promise from those who only claim it by birth, but know nothing about God Himself. Then he moves into some seemingly hard discussion about how God chooses to show mercy to some and hardens the hearts of others, and in this I can get so easily caught up. His answers to the questions of how a loving God can do this are summed up in a very quick answer of "Who are you to argue with God?" And it is here that I take pause. Paul knows what Job had to learn. Who are we to question God? When waves of questions consume us, we are to turn our focus on the goodness of God, not the parts we do not understand. And in seeing His goodness, my heart can rest in knowing that He can already see a person's heart. He knows who will believe in Him and who wont, so He is giving my heart rest in letting me see that it is ok if I allow people to choose how they are living, for really I have no say in their lives anyway. I am not to get wrapped up in people's lives and try and direct their heart by directing their actions. It is up to God to see their heart. But I am to be a vessel of mercy. We cannot earn the heart of our God. His love is given. All we need to do is to have faith. That faith is expressed in knowing His heart and His goodness. It is not loved eared, but love given.
When Jason and I were first married I did not love him. I truly was walking down the isle in obedience. I said "I do", not out of a heart in love, but a heart broken. It was never me living as an "obedient" wife that changed my heart, but it was his constant consistency, patience, and care that softened my heart toward his. I was hurt and wounded by so many men. I just saw Jason as another man who was going to hurt me again. I would have never changed my heart toward him if he had demanded me to obey him and to follow his rules. Rules and laws would have only driven me further into defiance. It was his patience and constant caring that finally got to me and after three years of being married, two children later, I finally told him "I think I am falling in love with you."
It was only after this that my actions toward this man started to change. He gave me enough time for my heart to soften toward him. If he had demanded that I "act" in a certain way, I could have played the part, but he would have never had my heart. And it is our heart that our God is after. He is not focused on our ability to follow a rule, but our willingness to give Him our whole heart.
"So if you believe deep in your heart that God raised Jesus from the pit of death and if you voice you allegiance by confessing the truth that 'Jesus is Lord,' then you will be saved! Belief begins in the heart and leads to a life that is right with God..." (Romans 10:9)
I put a question recently on FB, "Has Christianity failed you?" And with this I received many wonderful responses... Wonderful because people were willing to share with me their broken hearts. Stories that made me cry and ask God the big "Why?" I want to share an opening of a very lengthy and very heart felt response from a broken heart.
"I have deep seated intellectual and theological concerns about the Christian faith. As a PhD in Religion, I didn't just read the bible, and I didn't study it from a faith based standpoint, but I studied it form intellectual standpoint, both as a historical document, and as a work of literature."
I printed her response and have carried it with me everywhere I have gone. I often pull it out and read the two and a half pages asking God to show me exactly where her true heart cry is revealed. And this time He showed me just the beginning lines. Just yesterday through the words of a friend I heard the answer to this woman's first lines. In my heart I heard, "If your heart is wanting a spiritual relationship and you look to God through knowledge you will be left wanting."
He wants your heart, first. It is only after a heart given in love that the true knowledge of Him is revealed. It is only after faith is expressed in your heart and out of your mouth that He can begin to change our desires and give us a heart of love. It is only after we see Him through our brokenness that we can begin to accept His mercy. All of our questions of "why" can be summed up in one answer, Worship. It is only in the truly intimate moments of surrendering your whole body, mind and soul to Him in worship that you can feel His embrace and learn to follow Him in His dance through life. Do you want what you want, or do you want His best? Are you willing to have His heart of patience, love, and mercy for others? Or are you going to demand that they obey your laws, but never surrender their whole heart? This is my first response, but it is in my memory that I am reminded how I was loved first. So why then do I constantly place upon others a law that I was never meant to give out. Why do I want to settle for instant "change" instead of a truly love filled heart?!
Chapter 9 starts with Paul revealing his heart for his people. He aches for them to see what he sees. This is my same heart ache. He tries to separate the true children of the promise from those who only claim it by birth, but know nothing about God Himself. Then he moves into some seemingly hard discussion about how God chooses to show mercy to some and hardens the hearts of others, and in this I can get so easily caught up. His answers to the questions of how a loving God can do this are summed up in a very quick answer of "Who are you to argue with God?" And it is here that I take pause. Paul knows what Job had to learn. Who are we to question God? When waves of questions consume us, we are to turn our focus on the goodness of God, not the parts we do not understand. And in seeing His goodness, my heart can rest in knowing that He can already see a person's heart. He knows who will believe in Him and who wont, so He is giving my heart rest in letting me see that it is ok if I allow people to choose how they are living, for really I have no say in their lives anyway. I am not to get wrapped up in people's lives and try and direct their heart by directing their actions. It is up to God to see their heart. But I am to be a vessel of mercy. We cannot earn the heart of our God. His love is given. All we need to do is to have faith. That faith is expressed in knowing His heart and His goodness. It is not loved eared, but love given.
When Jason and I were first married I did not love him. I truly was walking down the isle in obedience. I said "I do", not out of a heart in love, but a heart broken. It was never me living as an "obedient" wife that changed my heart, but it was his constant consistency, patience, and care that softened my heart toward his. I was hurt and wounded by so many men. I just saw Jason as another man who was going to hurt me again. I would have never changed my heart toward him if he had demanded me to obey him and to follow his rules. Rules and laws would have only driven me further into defiance. It was his patience and constant caring that finally got to me and after three years of being married, two children later, I finally told him "I think I am falling in love with you."
It was only after this that my actions toward this man started to change. He gave me enough time for my heart to soften toward him. If he had demanded that I "act" in a certain way, I could have played the part, but he would have never had my heart. And it is our heart that our God is after. He is not focused on our ability to follow a rule, but our willingness to give Him our whole heart.
"So if you believe deep in your heart that God raised Jesus from the pit of death and if you voice you allegiance by confessing the truth that 'Jesus is Lord,' then you will be saved! Belief begins in the heart and leads to a life that is right with God..." (Romans 10:9)
I put a question recently on FB, "Has Christianity failed you?" And with this I received many wonderful responses... Wonderful because people were willing to share with me their broken hearts. Stories that made me cry and ask God the big "Why?" I want to share an opening of a very lengthy and very heart felt response from a broken heart.
"I have deep seated intellectual and theological concerns about the Christian faith. As a PhD in Religion, I didn't just read the bible, and I didn't study it from a faith based standpoint, but I studied it form intellectual standpoint, both as a historical document, and as a work of literature."
I printed her response and have carried it with me everywhere I have gone. I often pull it out and read the two and a half pages asking God to show me exactly where her true heart cry is revealed. And this time He showed me just the beginning lines. Just yesterday through the words of a friend I heard the answer to this woman's first lines. In my heart I heard, "If your heart is wanting a spiritual relationship and you look to God through knowledge you will be left wanting."
He wants your heart, first. It is only after a heart given in love that the true knowledge of Him is revealed. It is only after faith is expressed in your heart and out of your mouth that He can begin to change our desires and give us a heart of love. It is only after we see Him through our brokenness that we can begin to accept His mercy. All of our questions of "why" can be summed up in one answer, Worship. It is only in the truly intimate moments of surrendering your whole body, mind and soul to Him in worship that you can feel His embrace and learn to follow Him in His dance through life. Do you want what you want, or do you want His best? Are you willing to have His heart of patience, love, and mercy for others? Or are you going to demand that they obey your laws, but never surrender their whole heart? This is my first response, but it is in my memory that I am reminded how I was loved first. So why then do I constantly place upon others a law that I was never meant to give out. Why do I want to settle for instant "change" instead of a truly love filled heart?!
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Reflections on Prayer
I received a text question last night from one of my friends about prayer. He started off with scripture verses Matthew 7:7-8, “Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened." And also Hebrews 11:1, "Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." Here were his questions: Have you ever been unsure of what to ask God for? How did you make up your mind?
As I sit here thinking of this young man's heart and his prayer, my mind reels with my own prayers and how each one was answered, mainly through the unanswered ways of God. Let me give some examples, maybe this will make it more clear as my mind sifts through and unfolds the "easy" examples.
With my first pregnancy I did not find out the sex of the baby until it was revealed at birth. My heart was hard against men and I was afraid that if I found out it was a boy child, I would not love him. Every morning and evening I begged God, "Please give me a girl. Please!" I was giving God a chance to change His mind and turn the child into a girl at the very last second if He needed to. Delivery time, the doctor placed the baby on my stomach and I looked at my SON! Betrayal... for both of us is all I could feel. "How could you do this to me!" I cried out to God. "How could you do this to him? I cannot raise a man child! I hate men!"
For 5 days I reeled with unanswered questions. 5 days, until I found myself on a plane out of Gunnison watching the nurses take care of my baby as we were flight for life to Denver. My world was spinning. My prayers were begging God not to take him and my mind was determined that I would love this man child.
Another time, oh whose kidding, for years I begged God to take away my MS. I begged and pleaded with Him to heal me. I had memorized the entire book of James. I was seeking God like no other. My life was changed and I no longer desired the same things. I was living Good and I knew the scripture. So I took James 5 to our church leaders. "Are any of you sick? You should call for the elders of the church to come and pray over you, anointing you with oil in the name of the Lord. Such a prayer offered in faith will heal the sick, and the Lord will make you well." Over and over, I had different people pouring oil on me, praying for my healing. My hair has never been more healthy as the time on my knees and oil on my head. People, I am sure, were tired of my begging. But I kept knocking, for I just knew the door had to open... I still have MS. Unanswered Prayers
I have so many examples of prayers offered, prayers that seemed unanswered. However, each time He has been there revealing my broken heart. Showing me that what He truly desires is for my heart to be healed. Its not about my circumstances, even though I seem to think it is. It is about my heart and how I value myself, how I see my God, how I do/do not love others. Hebrews 11:13, "All these people died still believing what God had promised them. They did not receive what was promised, but they saw it all from a distance and welcomed it." How do I see my relationship with my God? Can I still walk confidently in faith without my answer to my prayers?
I have a very good life! I know that my God loves me, but it isn't through my desires being given to me. I wanted a girl, I have my girl through my college girls He has showered on me. I needed healing. I have been healed. My heart was hard toward men. Now I know, they are not my enemies. I needed that son to begin to soften my heart. My hands are still numb and I stumble when I walk. It is a battle, but not a physical battle. It is a battle in learning to love myself. Without MS, I would live with indulgence. I wouldn't learn the lesson of restraint and how to truly take care of me. He loves me too much to allow me to live as a glutton. For everything that I would do, nothing would be good for me. I've proven that one!
God does heal people all of the time. Its just not always how we think it should be. God does answer all of our prayers, but it is often not how we think it is going to be. I have changed my perception of how God answers prayers. He is not Santa, but a God who loves me too much than to leave me the way I am. He sees my heart. He knows that above anything else, my heart is what needs healing. My heart needs focusing on Him, no matter what I'm doing, what is going on in my life, the circumstances that may come up. Where is my focus? As I start my day, am I willing to listen to what He is trying to say to me? Am I willing to accept His answers to my prayers? Do I love Him enough to allow Him to change my life through changing my heart? Do I focus on things of this world, or a relationship with Him? Will I be okay through the storms of life? Am I strengthening myself now for what is to come later? Can I still believe and have faith when I see "my prayers" for myself answered in someone else's life? (ex: They're physically healed from their disease. Mine is still hanging on.) What are your prayers? Are you willing to allow God the sovereignty to know more than you and to give Him your heart and time even if?
Let me make it clear, I pray all of the time about my wants and needs! "Please heal my body" is still right at the top. "Please take care of... as they travel." "Help me this day in....." I'm always giving my requests to God. But my focus is trying to change, as He is trying to change my hearts desire to match His desire. Its not about, "should I take this job or that?" "What is going to happen to my life if...?" It is all about your heart walk with God...
He does "give jobs, heal the diseases, change our circumstances" , but through it all He is constantly calling us in relationship to Him. How is He calling you? How is He healing my heart?
Jim McGuiggan, Reflections on Prayer
As I sit here thinking of this young man's heart and his prayer, my mind reels with my own prayers and how each one was answered, mainly through the unanswered ways of God. Let me give some examples, maybe this will make it more clear as my mind sifts through and unfolds the "easy" examples.
With my first pregnancy I did not find out the sex of the baby until it was revealed at birth. My heart was hard against men and I was afraid that if I found out it was a boy child, I would not love him. Every morning and evening I begged God, "Please give me a girl. Please!" I was giving God a chance to change His mind and turn the child into a girl at the very last second if He needed to. Delivery time, the doctor placed the baby on my stomach and I looked at my SON! Betrayal... for both of us is all I could feel. "How could you do this to me!" I cried out to God. "How could you do this to him? I cannot raise a man child! I hate men!"
For 5 days I reeled with unanswered questions. 5 days, until I found myself on a plane out of Gunnison watching the nurses take care of my baby as we were flight for life to Denver. My world was spinning. My prayers were begging God not to take him and my mind was determined that I would love this man child.
Another time, oh whose kidding, for years I begged God to take away my MS. I begged and pleaded with Him to heal me. I had memorized the entire book of James. I was seeking God like no other. My life was changed and I no longer desired the same things. I was living Good and I knew the scripture. So I took James 5 to our church leaders. "Are any of you sick? You should call for the elders of the church to come and pray over you, anointing you with oil in the name of the Lord. Such a prayer offered in faith will heal the sick, and the Lord will make you well." Over and over, I had different people pouring oil on me, praying for my healing. My hair has never been more healthy as the time on my knees and oil on my head. People, I am sure, were tired of my begging. But I kept knocking, for I just knew the door had to open... I still have MS. Unanswered Prayers
I have so many examples of prayers offered, prayers that seemed unanswered. However, each time He has been there revealing my broken heart. Showing me that what He truly desires is for my heart to be healed. Its not about my circumstances, even though I seem to think it is. It is about my heart and how I value myself, how I see my God, how I do/do not love others. Hebrews 11:13, "All these people died still believing what God had promised them. They did not receive what was promised, but they saw it all from a distance and welcomed it." How do I see my relationship with my God? Can I still walk confidently in faith without my answer to my prayers?
I have a very good life! I know that my God loves me, but it isn't through my desires being given to me. I wanted a girl, I have my girl through my college girls He has showered on me. I needed healing. I have been healed. My heart was hard toward men. Now I know, they are not my enemies. I needed that son to begin to soften my heart. My hands are still numb and I stumble when I walk. It is a battle, but not a physical battle. It is a battle in learning to love myself. Without MS, I would live with indulgence. I wouldn't learn the lesson of restraint and how to truly take care of me. He loves me too much to allow me to live as a glutton. For everything that I would do, nothing would be good for me. I've proven that one!
God does heal people all of the time. Its just not always how we think it should be. God does answer all of our prayers, but it is often not how we think it is going to be. I have changed my perception of how God answers prayers. He is not Santa, but a God who loves me too much than to leave me the way I am. He sees my heart. He knows that above anything else, my heart is what needs healing. My heart needs focusing on Him, no matter what I'm doing, what is going on in my life, the circumstances that may come up. Where is my focus? As I start my day, am I willing to listen to what He is trying to say to me? Am I willing to accept His answers to my prayers? Do I love Him enough to allow Him to change my life through changing my heart? Do I focus on things of this world, or a relationship with Him? Will I be okay through the storms of life? Am I strengthening myself now for what is to come later? Can I still believe and have faith when I see "my prayers" for myself answered in someone else's life? (ex: They're physically healed from their disease. Mine is still hanging on.) What are your prayers? Are you willing to allow God the sovereignty to know more than you and to give Him your heart and time even if?
Let me make it clear, I pray all of the time about my wants and needs! "Please heal my body" is still right at the top. "Please take care of... as they travel." "Help me this day in....." I'm always giving my requests to God. But my focus is trying to change, as He is trying to change my hearts desire to match His desire. Its not about, "should I take this job or that?" "What is going to happen to my life if...?" It is all about your heart walk with God...
He does "give jobs, heal the diseases, change our circumstances" , but through it all He is constantly calling us in relationship to Him. How is He calling you? How is He healing my heart?
Jim McGuiggan, Reflections on Prayer
Saturday, June 8, 2013
Digging in the Sandbox
Appearances can be deceiving. Have you ever done something with the intentions of it being a good thing only to find out everything you had just done was the exact thing that caused your destruction? In 2 Samuel chapters 1 and 4, two different men bring the news to David that his enemies were dead. Two different men were trying to kill him. The first soldier brought the news that Saul was dead. He had seen him suffering from a fatal wound and Saul begged him to finish the job, 2 Samuel 1:1-16. He brought "good news" to David. David was distressed, not relieved, and ordered that the messenger be killed. Then only what seems a short time later, in chapter 4, another messenger brought news that he had defeated another enemy of David's and this was his response. "Someone once told me, ‘Saul is dead,’ thinking he was bringing me good news. But I seized him and killed him at Ziklag. That’s the reward I gave him for his news! How much more should I reward evil men who have killed an innocent man in his own house and on his own bed? Shouldn't I hold you responsible for his blood and rid the earth of you?'
So David ordered his young men to kill them, and they did. They cut off their hands and feet and hung their bodies beside the pool in Hebron. Then they took Ishbosheth’s head and buried it in Abner’s tomb in Hebron." (Vs. 10-12)
Ah, being the messenger is not always what it appears to be. Realizing this brings me fear and trembling before the throne of God! I find myself in a mix of emotional overload and struggling to organize it all inside is about to tear me apart. I want nothing more than to bring my life story to light, not in letting everyone know about me, but about His redemptive truth. With my life being so openly exposed, how do I do this without causing someone to stumble with the illusions that can be given. How do I keep my focus without loosing my head? (No pun intended;)
Its all about focus. What were these men focused on? The approval of David, a man. What is my focus? What are the truths that my story is telling? Is it just about me, or am I bringing the story around full circle and landing on Him?
Oswald Chambers, "If you yourself do not cut the lines that tie you to the dock, God will have to use a storm to sever them and to send you out to sea. Put everything in your life afloat upon God, going out to sea on the great swelling tide of His purpose, and your eyes will be opened. If you believe in Jesus, you are not to spend all your time in the calm waters just inside the harbor, full of joy, but always tied to the dock. You have to get out past the harbor into the great depths of God, and begin to know things for yourself— begin to have spiritual discernment."
There should always be great apprehension about a new project, about sharing our lives, about telling others anything! But in the fear, where is our focus? In the sandbox, we are building. Go with me...
As a child plays in the sand he can do so many things. He can dig deep holes, he can find buried treasures. Most of the time is spent digging, looking down. But if he will get up, turn on the water and bring the water to the sand, he can then start building. The sand becomes sticky and his vision will change. He stops looking down in the ground before him and starts to look up. What he is doing is bringing in something that binds and changes his view. This is what we are to do. It isn't about what we have done, but what He is doing.
"The counterfeit of obedience is a state of mind in which you create your own opportunities to sacrifice yourself, and your zeal and enthusiasm are mistaken for discernment. It is easier to sacrifice yourself than to fulfill your spiritual destiny, which is stated in Romans 12:1-2. It is much better to fulfill the purpose of God in your life by discerning His will than it is to perform great acts of self-sacrifice. “Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice . . .” (1 Samuel 15:22). Beware of paying attention or going back to what you once were, when God wants you to be something that you have never been. “If anyone wills to do His will, he shall know . . .” (John 7:17), Oswald.
As I go on the mission of delivering a message I must keep my focus. I must make sure that I am not seeking to please any one person in particular, but to please my God. I mustn't loose my head in loosing my focus. We do not know the final outcome of anything we are doing today. What we think our goals are, are often not His goals, but if we will keep our ultimate focus on Him our destination will be life. And in this we cannot fail! Where is our focus? Are we digging in the past, or are we looking up to the future in the now?
So David ordered his young men to kill them, and they did. They cut off their hands and feet and hung their bodies beside the pool in Hebron. Then they took Ishbosheth’s head and buried it in Abner’s tomb in Hebron." (Vs. 10-12)
Ah, being the messenger is not always what it appears to be. Realizing this brings me fear and trembling before the throne of God! I find myself in a mix of emotional overload and struggling to organize it all inside is about to tear me apart. I want nothing more than to bring my life story to light, not in letting everyone know about me, but about His redemptive truth. With my life being so openly exposed, how do I do this without causing someone to stumble with the illusions that can be given. How do I keep my focus without loosing my head? (No pun intended;)
Its all about focus. What were these men focused on? The approval of David, a man. What is my focus? What are the truths that my story is telling? Is it just about me, or am I bringing the story around full circle and landing on Him?
Oswald Chambers, "If you yourself do not cut the lines that tie you to the dock, God will have to use a storm to sever them and to send you out to sea. Put everything in your life afloat upon God, going out to sea on the great swelling tide of His purpose, and your eyes will be opened. If you believe in Jesus, you are not to spend all your time in the calm waters just inside the harbor, full of joy, but always tied to the dock. You have to get out past the harbor into the great depths of God, and begin to know things for yourself— begin to have spiritual discernment."
There should always be great apprehension about a new project, about sharing our lives, about telling others anything! But in the fear, where is our focus? In the sandbox, we are building. Go with me...
As a child plays in the sand he can do so many things. He can dig deep holes, he can find buried treasures. Most of the time is spent digging, looking down. But if he will get up, turn on the water and bring the water to the sand, he can then start building. The sand becomes sticky and his vision will change. He stops looking down in the ground before him and starts to look up. What he is doing is bringing in something that binds and changes his view. This is what we are to do. It isn't about what we have done, but what He is doing.
"The counterfeit of obedience is a state of mind in which you create your own opportunities to sacrifice yourself, and your zeal and enthusiasm are mistaken for discernment. It is easier to sacrifice yourself than to fulfill your spiritual destiny, which is stated in Romans 12:1-2. It is much better to fulfill the purpose of God in your life by discerning His will than it is to perform great acts of self-sacrifice. “Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice . . .” (1 Samuel 15:22). Beware of paying attention or going back to what you once were, when God wants you to be something that you have never been. “If anyone wills to do His will, he shall know . . .” (John 7:17), Oswald.
As I go on the mission of delivering a message I must keep my focus. I must make sure that I am not seeking to please any one person in particular, but to please my God. I mustn't loose my head in loosing my focus. We do not know the final outcome of anything we are doing today. What we think our goals are, are often not His goals, but if we will keep our ultimate focus on Him our destination will be life. And in this we cannot fail! Where is our focus? Are we digging in the past, or are we looking up to the future in the now?
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Mercy and Grace, Judgement and Love
I had a conversation yesterday with one of my friends that took me back in time, back to another life.
A life time ago....
A warm summers day, the sand is warm beneath her feet. The water coming and going, one wave after another is rushing, then retreating. The air is thick with humidity. The sea gulls are above in the sky, they are below running toward the water as it leaves. A young woman dressed... hardly dressed at all, she is alone by the water. Her only companion is her beloved dog who seems to protect her from her stupidity as guys are driving by, then turning around to take another look. She seems brazen as she buys the lie of her young illusionary power. She seems indifferent. She thinks she likes this. She has forgotten. She has buried her emotions, her dreams with the constant flow of beta blockers that she keeps flowing through her veins. She is dying, but she believes she is living.
Another story, someone else's life....
A young mom, she is one of the viewed leaders of the church. She teaches and she preaches, but on Saturday night the bar is calling. The house is loud. Children are fighting. The announcers on the TV are reaching highs and lows as they anticipate the next play. There he is, just sitting there, lost in some game while her world is reeling. The keys, the car, the bar, this is her chance to have a pretend moment. A get away into another life that she dreams about, maybe this time she can turn her dreams into reality. The escape that is constantly right at her fingertips, but that is always just far enough that keeps her straining.
Two different women. Two different situations. How do you see them? Are they the same? Are they different? How do you treat them? Do you treat them the same or do you treat them differently? The one similarity, they are both lost.
Some people say that you treat everyone the same. They say, you give this person this, and that person the same thing because you must keep it fair. I say that is a lie. That is an excuse some use so that they will not be held accountable for what they are doing. Others use this excuse because in order to deal with people as individuals, you must get to know them. You have to get personal and personal is the part that is easiest to avoid. And lets face it, no on wants to be that person calling anyone out. For those of us who really know ourselves, we know we all mess up, we have all sinned.
"It isn’t my responsibility to judge outsiders, but it certainly is your responsibility to judge those inside the church who are sinning. God will judge those on the outside; but as the Scriptures say, 'You must remove the evil person from among you,'” 1 Corinthians 5:12.
But then you say, "Jesus said, If you judge other people, then you too will be judged. See the log in your eye. You have enough of your own stuff. Do not judge... period."
That too is false. Take a good look at the scripture, Matthew 7:1-5. He is not saying, not to judge, but how. Yes, we must first take a good look at ourselves. I used two very different, but similar women. The first was not someone seen as a leader, but as someone lost. The second woman put herself in a position of leadership at a church, but was also lost. "Dear brothers and sisters, not many of you should become teachers in the church, for we who teach will be judged more strictly. Indeed, we all make many mistakes." James 3:1
A warm summers day, the sand is warm beneath her feet. The water coming and going, one wave after another is rushing, then retreating. The air is thick with humidity. The sea gulls are above in the sky, they are below running toward the water as it leaves. A young woman dressed... hardly dressed at all, she is alone by the water. Her only companion is her beloved dog who seems to protect her from her stupidity as guys are driving by, then turning around to take another look. She seems brazen as she buys the lie of her young illusionary power. She seems indifferent. She thinks she likes this. She has forgotten. She has buried her emotions, her dreams with the constant flow of beta blockers that she keeps flowing through her veins. She is dying, but she believes she is living.
Another story, someone else's life....
A young mom, she is one of the viewed leaders of the church. She teaches and she preaches, but on Saturday night the bar is calling. The house is loud. Children are fighting. The announcers on the TV are reaching highs and lows as they anticipate the next play. There he is, just sitting there, lost in some game while her world is reeling. The keys, the car, the bar, this is her chance to have a pretend moment. A get away into another life that she dreams about, maybe this time she can turn her dreams into reality. The escape that is constantly right at her fingertips, but that is always just far enough that keeps her straining.
Two different women. Two different situations. How do you see them? Are they the same? Are they different? How do you treat them? Do you treat them the same or do you treat them differently? The one similarity, they are both lost.
Some people say that you treat everyone the same. They say, you give this person this, and that person the same thing because you must keep it fair. I say that is a lie. That is an excuse some use so that they will not be held accountable for what they are doing. Others use this excuse because in order to deal with people as individuals, you must get to know them. You have to get personal and personal is the part that is easiest to avoid. And lets face it, no on wants to be that person calling anyone out. For those of us who really know ourselves, we know we all mess up, we have all sinned.
"It isn’t my responsibility to judge outsiders, but it certainly is your responsibility to judge those inside the church who are sinning. God will judge those on the outside; but as the Scriptures say, 'You must remove the evil person from among you,'” 1 Corinthians 5:12.
But then you say, "Jesus said, If you judge other people, then you too will be judged. See the log in your eye. You have enough of your own stuff. Do not judge... period."
That too is false. Take a good look at the scripture, Matthew 7:1-5. He is not saying, not to judge, but how. Yes, we must first take a good look at ourselves. I used two very different, but similar women. The first was not someone seen as a leader, but as someone lost. The second woman put herself in a position of leadership at a church, but was also lost. "Dear brothers and sisters, not many of you should become teachers in the church, for we who teach will be judged more strictly. Indeed, we all make many mistakes." James 3:1
The difference was their message. What they were themselves proclaiming to live. This is so touchy. This is the hard part about being in a family, learning to love. Sometimes love is all about grace and mercy. Sometimes if you treat another person the same way, you become an enabler and are the cause of their destruction.
Someone recently made a comment on one of my blogs, "The challenge for me now is to know how to love others as they are, but not to enable them to continue on as they want to be." This is the hard part of growing. As I have traveled through this life, from the beach, to the teacher. I have had to handle situations differently, but gently. I have not gotten them all right, but I must deal with them anyway. Learning and stumbling along the way, but my heart is trying. As young men and women come into my home I must handle them with mercy and gentleness, but the same? Now that would be a shame. Each person is beautifully unique. I would not be showing them their value if they were treated equally. What value is a diamond if it is looked upon as just another piece of cut glass? Would I be showing the seasoned Christ follower, the one who knows the scriptures by heart, any sort of love if I treated them and expected the same from them as I would the drug addicted person on the street? Is that love? What is love? You know the person individually. We are to see others as Christ sees us and He knows us personally.
The problem is that we get our love and mercy confused. We judge the world. I see Christians on my college campus pointing their fingers and shouting at my kids about sin. That is no sort of love and not a part of my God. And at the same time, I see other Christians saying do not judge as one of their leaders is leading in a most despicable way toward the grave. There is balance in love. Sometimes we take the most unclothed, cover them with mercy and grace, till they are warmed with love. And other times we must step up to the hard plate and call someone out. But both are act of His love. This is why we are to get to know our Lord. Daily reading His words so that we are not confused about our roles in His world.
"The people who influence us the most are not those who detain us with their continual talk, but those who live their lives like the stars in the sky and “the lilies of the field”— simply and unaffectedly. Those are the lives that mold and shape us." Oswald Chambers
Someone recently made a comment on one of my blogs, "The challenge for me now is to know how to love others as they are, but not to enable them to continue on as they want to be." This is the hard part of growing. As I have traveled through this life, from the beach, to the teacher. I have had to handle situations differently, but gently. I have not gotten them all right, but I must deal with them anyway. Learning and stumbling along the way, but my heart is trying. As young men and women come into my home I must handle them with mercy and gentleness, but the same? Now that would be a shame. Each person is beautifully unique. I would not be showing them their value if they were treated equally. What value is a diamond if it is looked upon as just another piece of cut glass? Would I be showing the seasoned Christ follower, the one who knows the scriptures by heart, any sort of love if I treated them and expected the same from them as I would the drug addicted person on the street? Is that love? What is love? You know the person individually. We are to see others as Christ sees us and He knows us personally.
The problem is that we get our love and mercy confused. We judge the world. I see Christians on my college campus pointing their fingers and shouting at my kids about sin. That is no sort of love and not a part of my God. And at the same time, I see other Christians saying do not judge as one of their leaders is leading in a most despicable way toward the grave. There is balance in love. Sometimes we take the most unclothed, cover them with mercy and grace, till they are warmed with love. And other times we must step up to the hard plate and call someone out. But both are act of His love. This is why we are to get to know our Lord. Daily reading His words so that we are not confused about our roles in His world.
"The people who influence us the most are not those who detain us with their continual talk, but those who live their lives like the stars in the sky and “the lilies of the field”— simply and unaffectedly. Those are the lives that mold and shape us." Oswald Chambers
Monday, May 13, 2013
New Birth or Rebirth?
The house is still. What do I hear? The tic of the clock. A bird is beginning to wake. The house stretches and quakes as the earth is warming. The coffee maker just sighed. A dove is calling. My breath seems loud against the stillness. What do I see? My chair stuffed full of pillows around me. An afghan blanket that was woven for me when my first son was born, covers my legs. My coffee is snug between two of my pillows. My always blooming plants are stretching toward the sun. The window that protects me from the cold outside is big right next to my sitting area. The shadows are no longer shadows, but trees and houses coming into view as the light is peaking over the horizon. A small rabbitt moves steadily along the curb, going toward his hiding place. The day is approaching. Am I in a play? Is this my stage? Is the dawn the opening of the curtain? Who is behind the curtain, backstage?
In New Birth or Rebirth, by Ravi Zacharias, this is one of the main topics, along with many others. Have you ever been in a play? Opening night is a really big night. Your heart is pounding, your mind is racing. "What if I forget?" "Who is here?" So you peak around one of the curtains trying to get a glimpse of the audience. There are many things that should be asked as we enter the play; For the actors: What is my message? What are others going to do with their lives after they are impacted with my role? For the director/writer: What am I really trying to say? How has this changed the mind of my crew as they have learned my words? For the audience: What are we seeking as we seek our entertainment? How is this play going to affect me when I leave? Is it going to become my reality? So many more questions.... In this great conversation Krishna and Jesus talk about their similarities and their differences. Just a glimpse...
Krishna: Because I believe all of life is a leela-a play, a drama. The universe is simply a cosmic puppet theater for the gods. We are simply actors on a stage. Roles and duties are all divinely assigned and beyond human control. Backstage there is always a different script. And I know there's an audience. There's always an audience at a play.
Jesus: We may disagree on the idea of a puppet show, Krishna- there is always a choice, a will, a decision. Whoever is thirsty, let him come; and whoever wishes, let him take the free gift of the water of life.
But the subject of a man listening, I would agree-when man seeks, he finds, and when he knocks, the door is opened to him. So lets continue our discussion, for I too want to talk about he nature of who you and I are and what we teach. That is why we are talking today, you and me, for the sake of the man whose ear is pinned to the curtain. His soul is struggling. He is desperate for the truth, Krishna.. Let's speak of these things for his sake, not for the sake of argument between you and me.
Krishna: Agreed. There is no need for you and me to argue. You and I are complete in ourselves...
As the great conversion between Krishna and Jesus continues throughout the book, my mind and heart continually returns to the play. No we are not puppets in a drama for the gods to be entertained. But we are being watched and the world is our audience. As I try and sift through the different things that I am continually hearing, things that are good and right, I cannot get lost in the closeness of them. "Truth is powerful and truths that are almost truths are deadly and seductive.... Just because two things have one thing in common doesn't mean they have everything in common. The heart of humanity and the provision of God are the two central points we must understand."
Are we willing to ask the hard questions? Do we really want the answers? Is this life reality, or are we just part of a cosmic play? Are others watching you and learning from you on how they are going to live out their life? What path are you directing them toward?
Jesus: Truth will always divide, Krishna.... A single minute difference in the ecology of the world and you will end up with death. If you believe one lie, you are often led down the path of many lies... That's the difference between a drama and reality. Reality cannot be wiped out by a whim. Look at that truck.... and at its shadow on the sidewalk. Now tell me this; would you rather be run over by the truck or by its shadow?... Is the shadow real or imaginary?... because the truck momentarily blocks out the sun, which creates the shadow. You don't judge by the shadow; you judge by the light.
That's the story of the gospel. When I died on the cross for you and for every person born onto this earth, the truck of the judgement and penalty of the law went over me so that only the shadow of death would pass over you. You still have to face the pain of death, but I have paid the price. It was I who was crucified, but my disciples are still troubled and heartbroken by the shadow of death.
And the story continues..... What is your understanding? What part are you playing? Who is your audience?.....
In New Birth or Rebirth, by Ravi Zacharias, this is one of the main topics, along with many others. Have you ever been in a play? Opening night is a really big night. Your heart is pounding, your mind is racing. "What if I forget?" "Who is here?" So you peak around one of the curtains trying to get a glimpse of the audience. There are many things that should be asked as we enter the play; For the actors: What is my message? What are others going to do with their lives after they are impacted with my role? For the director/writer: What am I really trying to say? How has this changed the mind of my crew as they have learned my words? For the audience: What are we seeking as we seek our entertainment? How is this play going to affect me when I leave? Is it going to become my reality? So many more questions.... In this great conversation Krishna and Jesus talk about their similarities and their differences. Just a glimpse...
Krishna: Because I believe all of life is a leela-a play, a drama. The universe is simply a cosmic puppet theater for the gods. We are simply actors on a stage. Roles and duties are all divinely assigned and beyond human control. Backstage there is always a different script. And I know there's an audience. There's always an audience at a play.
Jesus: We may disagree on the idea of a puppet show, Krishna- there is always a choice, a will, a decision. Whoever is thirsty, let him come; and whoever wishes, let him take the free gift of the water of life.
But the subject of a man listening, I would agree-when man seeks, he finds, and when he knocks, the door is opened to him. So lets continue our discussion, for I too want to talk about he nature of who you and I are and what we teach. That is why we are talking today, you and me, for the sake of the man whose ear is pinned to the curtain. His soul is struggling. He is desperate for the truth, Krishna.. Let's speak of these things for his sake, not for the sake of argument between you and me.
Krishna: Agreed. There is no need for you and me to argue. You and I are complete in ourselves...
As the great conversion between Krishna and Jesus continues throughout the book, my mind and heart continually returns to the play. No we are not puppets in a drama for the gods to be entertained. But we are being watched and the world is our audience. As I try and sift through the different things that I am continually hearing, things that are good and right, I cannot get lost in the closeness of them. "Truth is powerful and truths that are almost truths are deadly and seductive.... Just because two things have one thing in common doesn't mean they have everything in common. The heart of humanity and the provision of God are the two central points we must understand."
Are we willing to ask the hard questions? Do we really want the answers? Is this life reality, or are we just part of a cosmic play? Are others watching you and learning from you on how they are going to live out their life? What path are you directing them toward?
Jesus: Truth will always divide, Krishna.... A single minute difference in the ecology of the world and you will end up with death. If you believe one lie, you are often led down the path of many lies... That's the difference between a drama and reality. Reality cannot be wiped out by a whim. Look at that truck.... and at its shadow on the sidewalk. Now tell me this; would you rather be run over by the truck or by its shadow?... Is the shadow real or imaginary?... because the truck momentarily blocks out the sun, which creates the shadow. You don't judge by the shadow; you judge by the light.
That's the story of the gospel. When I died on the cross for you and for every person born onto this earth, the truck of the judgement and penalty of the law went over me so that only the shadow of death would pass over you. You still have to face the pain of death, but I have paid the price. It was I who was crucified, but my disciples are still troubled and heartbroken by the shadow of death.
And the story continues..... What is your understanding? What part are you playing? Who is your audience?.....
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Masonry
I love to discover new things about my God. One of the things that I was turned on to several years ago was Ray Vanderlaan, Follow the Rabbi. Mind blowing things that can only be seen when you enter the world, the culture, the people. In one of his teachings he discusses how Jesus probably was no carpenter, but a stone mason. As I listened to him, I could see. I can see this so much easier than I can see a carpenter working with wood. Especially since when you see Israel you don't see forests, but deserts and lots and lots of rock. How often did Jesus refer to wood when he spoke? I can't recall many, if any. Turn that around to rocks. Now that one is all over the bible Old and New Testament. Just passages that refer to cornerstones, there are at least 10. And referring to Jesus as the cornerstone in the NT Matthew 21:42, Mark 12:10-11, Luke 20:17, Acts 4:11, 1 Peter 2:7. Now I could go on and on and I could gather more examples of stones; Mathew 16:18, when Jesus calls Peter the "Rock", 1 Corinthians 10:4 Jesus as the spiritual rock.... Seriously, do we need to proceed! I'll let you look it up yourself ;) Lets get to the issue....
Last night at L!VE I had a friend of ours, Kaine Leonard owner of Rocky Mountain Masonry, come and speak to everyone about masonry and lessons he has learned along the way. He started by telling everyone how in college he was an extreme gravity biker, adrenaline was his rush. He would take his 40lbs bike up to the top of mountains, often using ski lifts to get there, then fly down the mountain at top speeds. What a ride. He then graduated from Western with a geology degree and discovered that working in a cubical was not going to work for him. Masonry was calling him, but his first lesson was Pride. He had a college degree, an extreme biker and now was reduced to a grunt laborer. With this new role he had to force himself to plow through taking each moment by moment task and completing it with integrity as the low man on the totem poll. And this is how his masonry life began. With pride being toppled from the beginning.
A quick summery of other life lessons:
*Take each step moment by moment. You cannot rush through and complete your job. It takes time to do it right.
*Put your blinders on. You cannot look at the enormous job set before you. You start with the rock in hand. Focus on the small task and you will soon look around to discover that you have accomplished more than you realized.
*Rock doesn't care. If you mess up or break a rock, don't loose your cool. It won't help anything, the rock doesn't care that you did it wrong.
*Perfect product/perfect material. You don't have to have lots of tools and a huge supply of rock, what you have is sufficient.
*Work on your knees.... enough said
*Work smarter, not harder. If you go at the rocks before you with all of your strength the entire working day, you will burn out fast. It is about being smart with what you have now.
*Patience- go with the flow. This is not a race to see who can make it down the mountain first. It is about a slow and steady adaptability.
*Sometimes when you do everything right, it still seems not to work. You can't give up. It is about a new day, same job.
*You can be so proud of a job you have done. You think you did it without error, but when you return to that job after learning more, you discover that as you look at your past job, you didn't know as much as you thought you did. You look at the job you did and discover things with a new eye.
*Work from the outside in. You cannot start a task of smoothing a rock from where you want to end. You have to start from the outside, chipping away small pieces to finally achieve the rock you desired from the beginning. You cannot see it and start there. You see it, then work your way in.
So many life lessons in just a short amount of time. As we travel through this life, doing the slow and steady work before us God is teaching us. He is showing us who we really are and teaching us to work better. The most important stone is the cornerstone. This one is vital for any building. "The stone the builders rejected has now become the cornerstone." We get so used to the rush of life. We see the race and want to be the first to cross the finish line. When we learn from our Lord, we see that it is not about fast, but efficient. You cannot rush through. You cannot focus on where you want to end, but you need to have miopia, nearsightedness. Today, work slowly and diligently. Do not get overwhelmed with the big construction sight, but pick up you rock and start chipping away piece by piece. Allow Christ to be your cornerstone and you will have a secure and well built building. Another little note that Kaine added, we laugh a lot on the job. When you are entrenched in the work set before you, you laugh. Enjoy this ride....
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
My Biggest Mistake
The other day I put a post on FB that asked others, "What is my biggest mistake." I had some responses that said things like pride, jealousy, laziness, naive, self pity, addiction, with a few colorful remarks that made me smile as well. While I may have all of these things as part of my character these are not my biggest mistakes. My biggest mistake has really never been some thing that I have done. It is not a lie, cheating, divorce, sex or drugs. No my biggest mistake still haunts me. I still fear my biggest mistake. I am not afraid of going out and doing drugs again. I am not afraid of being tempted in a bar to get wasted and go home with some random guy. I am not afraid of.... you fill in that one. I am not afraid of many things. I'm getting too old. I'm a wife and a mother and I hope that my walk with God has brought me past that. I have grown with Him and I am no longer haunted by the same things that used to haunt me. And besides all of those things really only involve me. I am not afraid of most all things that only involve me and my personal struggles. No the thing that I consider as my biggest mistake, that thing that still drives me because I never want to become that again... Enabler.
If you look enable up in the dictionary or the thesaurus you will find words like empower, approve, and facilitate. All of these words seem very good, but sometimes your greatest strength may cause the most destruction. I hope now that I can use my greatest strength to bring others up, but there was a time when my greatest strength was a tool to bring others down. Let me give you the best and easiest example I have... my ex-husband...
In my previous marriage I was my husbands biggest enemy. It all started with simple little things. He didn't want to go to church. Well I really didn't want to either, so we didn't. He wanted to play music full time, so I came up with the idea of living in a camper at the KOA. He quit his day job and we lived very cheaply. I'm not going to bore you with more details that you already know. I'm the one to blame for I did not hold to a higher standard in my life. I brought that standard down and became his enabler, his dealer, his.... fill in that blank... I became his "sin".
In Deuteronomy 4 Moses is giving his farewell speech to Israel. He is calling them to remember. He is reminding them that they are to follow God so that others will want to follow them. So they can help become part of the redeeming factor of the world. They were designed to be a vehicle to reach other nations. With our limited view, it may not look like this is what their ultimate job was, but remember "God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son" ...
“But watch out! Be careful never to forget what you yourself have seen. Do not let these memories escape from your mind as long as you live! And be sure to pass them on to your children and grandchildren. Never forget the day when you stood before the Lord your God..."(4:9,10).
My biggest strength is also my biggest mistake. I never again want to enable destruction in someone else's life. I am not responsible for what they do Oswald explains this nicely, but I do not want it to be known that because of how I acted in their life they are now destroyed. "If a child gives in to selfishness, he will find it to be the most enslaving tyranny on earth. There is no power within the human soul itself that is capable of breaking the bondage of the nature created by Yielding."
The challenge for me now is to know how to love others as they are, but not to enable them to continue on as they want to be. It is about coming up higher to how He originally created us to be. For we are the apple, the little maiden, the little man of His eye. I am not responsible for others behavior like an amateur providence... and amateur is all that I would be. It was my own selfish desires that allowed me to enable that same fault in others. In holding myself to a higher standard, I hope I can enable others in a good way this time. This is my time. My time to allow my greatest mistake to become my greatest strength, just like He originally intended!
If you look enable up in the dictionary or the thesaurus you will find words like empower, approve, and facilitate. All of these words seem very good, but sometimes your greatest strength may cause the most destruction. I hope now that I can use my greatest strength to bring others up, but there was a time when my greatest strength was a tool to bring others down. Let me give you the best and easiest example I have... my ex-husband...
In my previous marriage I was my husbands biggest enemy. It all started with simple little things. He didn't want to go to church. Well I really didn't want to either, so we didn't. He wanted to play music full time, so I came up with the idea of living in a camper at the KOA. He quit his day job and we lived very cheaply. I'm not going to bore you with more details that you already know. I'm the one to blame for I did not hold to a higher standard in my life. I brought that standard down and became his enabler, his dealer, his.... fill in that blank... I became his "sin".
In Deuteronomy 4 Moses is giving his farewell speech to Israel. He is calling them to remember. He is reminding them that they are to follow God so that others will want to follow them. So they can help become part of the redeeming factor of the world. They were designed to be a vehicle to reach other nations. With our limited view, it may not look like this is what their ultimate job was, but remember "God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son" ...
“But watch out! Be careful never to forget what you yourself have seen. Do not let these memories escape from your mind as long as you live! And be sure to pass them on to your children and grandchildren. Never forget the day when you stood before the Lord your God..."(4:9,10).
My biggest strength is also my biggest mistake. I never again want to enable destruction in someone else's life. I am not responsible for what they do Oswald explains this nicely, but I do not want it to be known that because of how I acted in their life they are now destroyed. "If a child gives in to selfishness, he will find it to be the most enslaving tyranny on earth. There is no power within the human soul itself that is capable of breaking the bondage of the nature created by Yielding."
The challenge for me now is to know how to love others as they are, but not to enable them to continue on as they want to be. It is about coming up higher to how He originally created us to be. For we are the apple, the little maiden, the little man of His eye. I am not responsible for others behavior like an amateur providence... and amateur is all that I would be. It was my own selfish desires that allowed me to enable that same fault in others. In holding myself to a higher standard, I hope I can enable others in a good way this time. This is my time. My time to allow my greatest mistake to become my greatest strength, just like He originally intended!
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Hearts True Agenda
The other day I read a post that a friend of mine posted on FB. "Do we need to be part of the 4-walled church? Explain." With that my week of thinking, searching, listening started. My travels did not take me where I was expecting to go. My first turn was what directed my search. My first turn ended up bringing me full circle in the end.
Ravi Zacharias, "Lotus and the Cross" a conversation between Jesus and Buddha. In this book there are several characters and as you read, the conversation takes you on a trip through life questions. A very good read I must say... Anyway, toward the end of this book Jesus is answering a heart question and this is where I paused. Their was a Samaritan woman who came to draw water in a well where Jesus was resting. He started to dialog with her, which was her first red flag, Jews never talked to Samaritans. “Go and get your husband,” Jesus told her. “I don’t have a husband,” the woman replied. Jesus said, “You’re right! You don’t have a husband— for you have had five husbands, and you aren’t even married to the man you’re living with now. You certainly spoke the truth!”
Another turn. I opened my bible to John 4 and camped there for a while. What was the heart question? What was the answer?
“Sir,” the woman said, “you must be a prophet. So tell me, why is it that you Jews insist that Jerusalem is the only place of worship, while we Samaritans claim it is here at Mount Gerizim, where our ancestors worshiped?”
The question was positioned in a specific place, but was this her real question or was it something different that I had never noticed before? So many questions, yet what was the real question that only Jesus could see? What was it that made her run and tell everyone that she had found the King? What was it that she was trying to divert His attention away from, yet couldn't?
"But the time is coming—indeed it’s here now—when true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth. The Father is looking for those who will worship him that way. For God is Spirit, so those who worship him must worship in spirit and in truth.”
I have always missed this answer, for I was looking at it for an answer. This is where I landed and this is what opened my own heart to my own questions and when I ask them. In the mix of His answer, He called her heart out..."true worshipers", "spirit and in truth".... her question wasn't sincere, but a diversion. He had shown a spotlight on who she had become and it hurt. With that pain, she tried to take the focus off of herself and redirect Jesus' mind to concentrate on what others concentrated on, how to worship. But this wasn't sincere at all! Her heart, her pain had been exposed and anything that she could grab to take focus off of her was her goal. She was talking to no fool. There was a deeper issue. What was this issue, we will never know for the conversation was interrupted, but she had had enough to know that this One was different.
With courage from her heart being exposed, she went and shared His story, through her story, with the rest of the village and all of her surroundings were transformed. "Many Samaritans from the village believed in Jesus because the woman had said, 'He told me everything I ever did!' When they came out to see Him, they begged Him to stay in their village. So He stayed for two days, long enough for many more to hear His message and believe. Then they said to the woman, “Now we believe, not just because of what you told us, but because we have heard Him ourselves. Now we know that He is indeed the Savior of the world.”
So many times throughout this life we come upon questions that are not really questions at all, but diversions to get the focus off of us and on a topic instead. I am the master of this. If I start to get pressured into telling others how my health is holding up (or failing) I divert the conversation away from me and change topics! I don't want to talk about this, it is work, I struggle with doing what I need to do in order to live and I divert the topic away from health... Every time! I am not saying this is what my friend did on FB, but it did bring me to a very important conclusion. What is it that we often are trying to hide from others? What is it that we do not want to see ourselves? What is it that God is trying to get us to look at within our own hearts that we keep trying to look away from? Are we asking questions in truth, or is there an underlying agenda we are seeking? Are we brave enough to allow Him to expose our hearts, so that we can heal?
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Just Within Reach
Step into the story with me.
They had been a slave for generations, but now they had been free for two years. Two years they have been learning how to trust in their Leader, but all too often two years is not enough. They are standing right in front of their paradise, their promised land and they are succumbing to the situation. They are starting to look back on their past with fond memories, instead of seeing it for what it really was.
Now is the time.
They are to go and look at what they will be rewarded with. They are to go and see exactly what needs to be done in order to achieve their new life of freedom living. They go and come back with conflicting reports. Ten are overwhelmed with what lies ahead. Two are confident that God will do for them what they cannot do and through Him they will have success. The ten, the naysayers, bring discouragement upon the entire camp. Their voices ring loud with the feelings that were already brimming in from their wilderness camp out. The excitement from the journey of being set free was wearing off and all any of them could think about was returning to their former life of slavery. It did seem much easier. For what any of us remember about that life is illusionary, unless we are diligent with the truth. They do not want to hear about how life can be different. They do not want to hope any longer. So in order to stop the voices who are reaching for the promise, they pick up stones to beat them into silence. (Numbers 13-14)
I have found myself within this wilderness journey. It is one of the hardest parts of my traveling life, learning to live obediently. They had journeyed for two years and during this time they had a job. They were building and sewing together, each one with his specific assignment. But now that part of their training was coming to an end and they were ready to go back to the only thing any of them had ever known. God works differently. It wasn't time to go back, but to move forward. For me, my wilderness camping lasted almost one year. One year and now I was to marry the man God had chosen for my life. One year of trying to learn to listen to the correct voice. One year of trying to do things differently, but often stumbling along the way. One year of trying to make him flee. The naysayers are all around and trying to decipher truth between their voices and my own messed up voice within was almost deafening. So often we pull away in order to hear better, but the truth is that the naysayer within only becomes louder. We feed the voice that appears to be easier, instead of taking that hard and terrifying step to say "I do".
It is hard to step forward. It is so hard to take that arm and trust that where you are being led is a good place. The promise land was right in front of them and God was telling them to Go, but the voices of the defeatist was screaming No! And they were defeated for they stopped. They were too afraid of the challenges they saw before them. For man, let me tell you, what you are promised does not mean you do not have to work. They were promised a land flowing with milk and honey and they were standing within reach of grasping their reward. They tasted the fruit and they held their large bounty between them, but ultimately, what we harvest, we are first going to have to plant. He will give us samples, but He does not want a lazy bride and His bride needs to show Him appreciative love. He needs to allow her time to see that she can trust Him. He needs her to see that if she will step forward, He will do the heavy lifting, but she needs to learn to battle for them. But, these people, chose not to listen. They chose to turn and go the other way, a way that was to take them 40 years to journey. A way that would ultimately take most of them to their grave.
As we travel on this path of life, who are we going to listen to? Are we going to listen to the naysayers, those who cannot understand why we would want to go His way? Are we going to do the hard work in order to gain our reward? Are we going to take those hard steps forward to accomplish our goal? Whatever we are called to do, it is never always easy! I so often want to give up and turn around. I do not want to go back into the slavery that I once knew, but I so often want to believe the lie that a different path would be better. But I cannot. I cannot turn from what He has placed in front of me. I know that whatever He has for me in this life is much better than anything I could manufacture on my own. I must trust. I must push through the trials and continue in this fight. I must battle to to accomplish what He has ultimately already won. For really, my life is not about me! It is about others who are on this journey with me and am I helping them to see what He has in store for His people, or am I becoming part of the opposition, part of the naysayers? How am I leading? Am I leading by a good example of endurance, or am I part of those who give up? For whatever I am doing, others are following... No matter what! Its not about me... It never is!
Continue! Do not give up! You can do it! What is the path He has for you? If you will continue to take those steps forward toward His desire, I promise, you will never have those same regrets other paths have taken you down. Continue! Do Not Give Up!
They had been a slave for generations, but now they had been free for two years. Two years they have been learning how to trust in their Leader, but all too often two years is not enough. They are standing right in front of their paradise, their promised land and they are succumbing to the situation. They are starting to look back on their past with fond memories, instead of seeing it for what it really was.
Now is the time.
They are to go and look at what they will be rewarded with. They are to go and see exactly what needs to be done in order to achieve their new life of freedom living. They go and come back with conflicting reports. Ten are overwhelmed with what lies ahead. Two are confident that God will do for them what they cannot do and through Him they will have success. The ten, the naysayers, bring discouragement upon the entire camp. Their voices ring loud with the feelings that were already brimming in from their wilderness camp out. The excitement from the journey of being set free was wearing off and all any of them could think about was returning to their former life of slavery. It did seem much easier. For what any of us remember about that life is illusionary, unless we are diligent with the truth. They do not want to hear about how life can be different. They do not want to hope any longer. So in order to stop the voices who are reaching for the promise, they pick up stones to beat them into silence. (Numbers 13-14)
I have found myself within this wilderness journey. It is one of the hardest parts of my traveling life, learning to live obediently. They had journeyed for two years and during this time they had a job. They were building and sewing together, each one with his specific assignment. But now that part of their training was coming to an end and they were ready to go back to the only thing any of them had ever known. God works differently. It wasn't time to go back, but to move forward. For me, my wilderness camping lasted almost one year. One year and now I was to marry the man God had chosen for my life. One year of trying to learn to listen to the correct voice. One year of trying to do things differently, but often stumbling along the way. One year of trying to make him flee. The naysayers are all around and trying to decipher truth between their voices and my own messed up voice within was almost deafening. So often we pull away in order to hear better, but the truth is that the naysayer within only becomes louder. We feed the voice that appears to be easier, instead of taking that hard and terrifying step to say "I do".
It is hard to step forward. It is so hard to take that arm and trust that where you are being led is a good place. The promise land was right in front of them and God was telling them to Go, but the voices of the defeatist was screaming No! And they were defeated for they stopped. They were too afraid of the challenges they saw before them. For man, let me tell you, what you are promised does not mean you do not have to work. They were promised a land flowing with milk and honey and they were standing within reach of grasping their reward. They tasted the fruit and they held their large bounty between them, but ultimately, what we harvest, we are first going to have to plant. He will give us samples, but He does not want a lazy bride and His bride needs to show Him appreciative love. He needs to allow her time to see that she can trust Him. He needs her to see that if she will step forward, He will do the heavy lifting, but she needs to learn to battle for them. But, these people, chose not to listen. They chose to turn and go the other way, a way that was to take them 40 years to journey. A way that would ultimately take most of them to their grave.
As we travel on this path of life, who are we going to listen to? Are we going to listen to the naysayers, those who cannot understand why we would want to go His way? Are we going to do the hard work in order to gain our reward? Are we going to take those hard steps forward to accomplish our goal? Whatever we are called to do, it is never always easy! I so often want to give up and turn around. I do not want to go back into the slavery that I once knew, but I so often want to believe the lie that a different path would be better. But I cannot. I cannot turn from what He has placed in front of me. I know that whatever He has for me in this life is much better than anything I could manufacture on my own. I must trust. I must push through the trials and continue in this fight. I must battle to to accomplish what He has ultimately already won. For really, my life is not about me! It is about others who are on this journey with me and am I helping them to see what He has in store for His people, or am I becoming part of the opposition, part of the naysayers? How am I leading? Am I leading by a good example of endurance, or am I part of those who give up? For whatever I am doing, others are following... No matter what! Its not about me... It never is!
Continue! Do not give up! You can do it! What is the path He has for you? If you will continue to take those steps forward toward His desire, I promise, you will never have those same regrets other paths have taken you down. Continue! Do Not Give Up!
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Cannabis Bliss, Truth and Lies
Romans 12:2, "Do not allow this world to mold you in its own image. Instead, be transformed from the inside out by renewing your mind." (The Voice Translation)
The other day I went into my favorite gas/burger joint. It is popular with many, mainly the college crowed. I walked in and ordered my families meal. While waiting for our take out, I decided to do a little reading. There is a magazine rack that blocks most other people from your view. This was perfect since I was in my polka dot fluffy sweat pants, an old t-shirt and the place was packed. As all of you know Marijuana is legal in Colorado. The magazine rack was 2/3rds full of magazines like High Times, Skunk, Cannabis Culture, but I landed on Treat Yourself. They were featuring an article on MS and Cannabis. I took the magazine, grabbed a chair, hid behind the rack and began reading. The article was very informative as it discussed how MS affects you neurologically and I was agreeing with everything, especially how vitamin D helps heal you. Then as the patient began talking about Cannabis, I began going "there". I love weed! I love to get high and allow myself to zone out. Throughout my drug years, I found nothing I liked more than marijuana. X, ACID, popping whatever pills anyone gave me, the one I enjoyed most was this green herb.
I was lost for a moment in the "I have what it takes to really get me some again. And really who is going to challenge me on this one. I have all the material sitting right in front of me to help me with my case!" Then I rounded the corner to the last paragraph of the article and quickly I snapped back to reality. The "patient" began talking about how Cannabis helps him with his moods. How without it he is naturally cranky because of his condition, and this helps him better cope so that he can be a more productive family member and cannabis helps him enjoy all of them more. With that the lie was revealed! I have walked this pathway before and I know what marijuana does to you emotionally. That is the side effect that he did not understand why people don't talk about more often, because in his fog, he does not see that it is actually the weed that makes you a miserable wreck when you don't have it. If you are ever around a pot smoker, you will see that they are extremely touchy unless they are high. It does not help them get their natural emotions under control. It actually causes them to become more sensitive and the withdraws from not being high causes them to be, well, impossible.
Mixed with some truth, there was a lie. Being able to decipher truth from the lie that was told takes knowledge. With me it happens to be personal experience, in this case, I am not saying to try! Now I do not want to take all the time in the world to tell you all about the side effects and all that happens with marijuana. This topic really isn't about weed and I am not trying to pick a fight with a bunch of pot heads. I am saying that we all need to be aware when we are letting ourselves go "there". We can so easily be swept away with the truth of a subject, then when the truth gets mixed with lies, we just may believe them too. "Do not allow this world to mold you in its own image. Instead, be transformed from the inside out by renewing your mind."
We all have something that lures us into wanting to justify what we want. We have those moments of justification, all because we wanted to act that way or do that thing, whatever it is. There s something that entices us to treat others poorly, because "we were hurt." We need to disappear in front of the TV and ignore our families (every day/all night) because "we have had a long day and we need a break." The hard part is deciphering the truth. What is it that I am giving up in order to this thing? Who is not getting my full love? Who am I really?
Mixed with some truth, there was a lie. Being able to decipher truth from the lie that was told takes knowledge. With me it happens to be personal experience, in this case, I am not saying to try! Now I do not want to take all the time in the world to tell you all about the side effects and all that happens with marijuana. This topic really isn't about weed and I am not trying to pick a fight with a bunch of pot heads. I am saying that we all need to be aware when we are letting ourselves go "there". We can so easily be swept away with the truth of a subject, then when the truth gets mixed with lies, we just may believe them too. "Do not allow this world to mold you in its own image. Instead, be transformed from the inside out by renewing your mind."
We all have something that lures us into wanting to justify what we want. We have those moments of justification, all because we wanted to act that way or do that thing, whatever it is. There s something that entices us to treat others poorly, because "we were hurt." We need to disappear in front of the TV and ignore our families (every day/all night) because "we have had a long day and we need a break." The hard part is deciphering the truth. What is it that I am giving up in order to this thing? Who is not getting my full love? Who am I really?
"Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying. When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality," (12:9-13).
As we walk through the day there are going to be many things that seem right to us in the moment. If we will keep a clear mind and truly look at what we hear, we will be able to see the truth. Not all lies are easily seen, because they are mixed with truth. If there wasn't some form of truth mixed in, no one would believe the lie. God calls us to use our minds. He does not want us walking around like zombies just going with the flow of the moment. He calls us to be intellectual, using well what He has gifted us with. The hard part is taking a really close look within our own hearts and seeing the truth about what we want and are giving up in order to get it. I do not want to give up true intimacy with my family in order to have what I desire. If I will keep a clear mind, I will be able to do what my heart truly seeks. I will be able to have relationships that last and I will be a positive influence on others around me.... And if I will take a truthful look into my true hearts desire, that is what I truly want. I do not want to settle for something that will leave my heart impotent, but full!
As we walk through the day there are going to be many things that seem right to us in the moment. If we will keep a clear mind and truly look at what we hear, we will be able to see the truth. Not all lies are easily seen, because they are mixed with truth. If there wasn't some form of truth mixed in, no one would believe the lie. God calls us to use our minds. He does not want us walking around like zombies just going with the flow of the moment. He calls us to be intellectual, using well what He has gifted us with. The hard part is taking a really close look within our own hearts and seeing the truth about what we want and are giving up in order to get it. I do not want to give up true intimacy with my family in order to have what I desire. If I will keep a clear mind, I will be able to do what my heart truly seeks. I will be able to have relationships that last and I will be a positive influence on others around me.... And if I will take a truthful look into my true hearts desire, that is what I truly want. I do not want to settle for something that will leave my heart impotent, but full!
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Apple of His Eye
"Let my teaching fall on you like rain; let my speech settle like dew. Let my words fall like rain on tender grass, like gentle showers on young plants." (Deut 32)
This image, this is the one. You can smell the rain on the grass, refreshing and new. The air is damp. The colors are vibrant... Ahh, take a deep breath. Fill your lungs with the freshness of Spring. Now step into church. Do you still feel the same? Do you feel refreshed and clean? This is how I feel, now at this walk of my life, but there was a time when all I heard was how none of us were good and if we did not live by the "rules" we were going to burn and that is all we deserved anyway. No grass. No fresh smell of rain. A desert wasteland waiting for me to die, this was my view of church, of God, of myself. But this is not where we are going. It is time to return to the Truth. It is time to reclaim who He made us to be; the apple, the maiden, the little man of His eye.
I used to do things that went against everything within me. I lived on the beach. Lets just say, no mamma wanted their children to look my way. I hung out at the bars and celebrated songs about trashy women. But, the whole time, from within my heart cried out, "This is not who I am. I am really good. Why can't you see that? Can you see who I really am through the fog of my actions? Why don't I feel cherished?"
There is something within each one of us that cries out for others to see us differently. Why is this? Maybe it is the God voice calling for us to be who He created us to become. Maybe that cry within our heart, that so desperately wants others to see us more beautifully, is the true cry of who we really are, and yet, for some reason we have squashed that cry and become something different. We have chosen less for ourselves for the world's voice shouted louder and changed us outwardly. So now it is time to return to who He created us to become so that our hearts are refreshed, the colors can be brighter and growth can occur. He created us as the crowning jewel of His delight! We are the little maiden's, the little men in His eye. When I got close to God, close enough to see my reflection in His eye, I could better see myself. Not only who I was, but who He made me to become.
Our society has lied to us. It has tried to tell our men that they will never grow up. They will remain boys forever and they are like animals who cannot control their physical desires. Our women will have to do everything because they just cannot handle it. Our little girls have grown up to quickly, on the other hand. They have become sexualized, not little girls becoming women, but hookers working for free. Through all of these lies, within each one of us we can hear His voice calling us to become more and to overcome the lie, to remember we are the apple of His eye. It is not about following the "rules", but about knowing who you are to Him, knowing who others are to Him as well.
The Ten Commandments are not just a bunch of do's and don'ts. They are a statement of how precious everyone in this equation is. (Exodus 20) God is the one to recognize for who He is. I am sacred and worth more, so give me the respect I need. You and your things are sacred and worth more, so I'll give you the respect you deserve. We have our place and our roles and each one is needed and worthy.
My God, He is Big! My God is my protector, my bouncer. He is the Rock that is immovable and He watches me, not to condemn me, but to guard me from harm. He is my cover who cherishes me and wants me to be treated with respect, for I have worth and value. He is my husband and with Him, no one dares to disrespect me for I hold our relationship close. "I will proclaim the name of the Lord; how glorious is our God! He is the Rock; his deeds are perfect. Everything he does is just and fair. He is a faithful God who does no wrong; how just and upright he is! ...He found them in a desert land, in an empty, howling wasteland. He surrounded them and watched over them; he guarded them as the apple of His eye..."
Remember who He made you to become and never again settle for less!
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Shhh, Can you hear Him?
I love to discover new things. Don't you! You think you know and understand something then, Bam. There it is. Something new.
All over Paul's writing he is constantly saying how bad of a sinner he is. I have always had some difficulty with this. Yes, he killed people, but his heart was zealous for God. He may have done wrong, but as far as I could tell, he at least had the right motives. Bam, no... maybe not!!
Acts 22, " “I am a Jew, born in Tarsus, a city in Cilicia, and I was brought up and educated here in Jerusalem under Gamaliel. As his student, I was carefully trained in our Jewish laws and customs. I became very zealous to honor God in everything I did....‘But Lord,’ I argued, ‘they certainly know that in every synagogue I imprisoned and beat those who believed in you. And I was in complete agreement when your witness Stephen was killed. I stood by and kept the coats they took off when they stoned him.’"
There it is. It is very easily overlooked, never noticed, but there it is. All of the answers are in Gamaliel, his teacher. Earlier in Acts 5 we can see part of what Gamaliel was like. Peter and the Apostles had been taken to jail, they had started an uproar because of their teaching. Some of the Jewish leaders were furious and wanted to kill them, then we learn of Gamaliel. "But one member, a Pharisee named Gamaliel, who was an expert in religious law and respected by all the people, stood up and ordered that the men be sent outside the council chamber for a while. Then he said to his colleagues, 'Men of Israel, take care what you are planning to do to these men!' ... 'my advice is, leave these men alone. Let them go. If they are planning and doing these things merely on their own, it will soon be overthrown. But if it is from God, you will not be able to overthrow them. You may even find yourselves fighting against God!'”
It is after Gamliel's words concerning these men that we find Paul holding the coats in approval of Stephen's stoning (7). What if the whole time Paul was doing what he was doing and hearing this most respected mans words, "if it is from God, you will not be able to overthrow them. You may even find yourselves fighting against God!” And this is why he was so heart broken about what he had done. He knew! He knew he shouldn't be doing what he was, and yet he kept doing it. What if, inside he wasn't killing for God, but while he was standing in the crowd at Stephen's stoning he became hi with the rush of the crowd and that was what he was seeking from then on. Man's approval, that very addictive calling. The yelling that can drown out the whispers of the Holy Spirit, our conscience.
We all do this in some form. We drown out our conscience so that we can continue to do what We want. Many of us, from childhood, we have trained ourselves Not to listen. Some of us, have been practicing this for so long we have almost completely hushed our inner voice concerning "this" area of our life. We don't want to hear. We silence this voice telling us, "No, don't go there... Keep quiet here... Don't pick that up..." The times we choose not to listen, the list can go on and on. It is a practice of moment by moment silencing. This is when our own desires get skewed and we can no longer determine what is from God and what is it that is really our own desire.
So how do you turn on your listening heart's ear when you have silenced it for so long? I don't know how everyone should do this, but I can tell you how I have been trying to retrain myself.
My big one started when I was taken out of my past marriage. I allowed others, whom I respected, to guide me into what I was supposed to do. Now I didn't always get it right, I still don't, but I was trying to retrain my actions to follow what I was told. My conscience voice had become skewed with my desire voice, so I needed others to look into my life and help me see truth. I asked others about everything. *(Now if you are already a people pleaser, this is not for you.) I needed help though, and just praying about it myself was never going to do the trick. I had to retrain my actions. I still go to others often, but after years of retraining, I am better at discerning my desires from His voice. It is a process. I had not stifled my conscience over night and the retraining of my listening ear did not happen over night either. One of the best tools that I have is still my bible. I have developed a practice of looking at God's instructions for other people's lives through the stories told, then applying those lessons to my own life. Every morning I get up way before the sun has risen and focus my listening ear toward Him. I have surrounded myself with people whom I respect and I listen to them closely. I have changed how I choose to live and with this life change, I have changed on the inside. And with this, I live free.
We need to hear. We all need to heed what we hear. The more I learn about God the more I see how much He truly loves me. The more I learn about Him, the more I see my own worth and value. His lessons, His desire's are for my best. He wants the best for my life. If I will learn to listen, I will have a good life wherever I go. It is in my own heart that I can see my true desires for my life. He has given everyone the blessings of our conscience. Are we willing to listen and obey what we hear? That is always the question, moment by moment...
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Business Dealings
Do you ever second guess yourself. Wondering, "Did I do that? How did that happen? or Am I at fault here?" So many things come into play as we work out each day, but when something goes wrong, those are the days that self doubt takes over.
I have been going through this. The other day I received an email from one of the home owners that I work for. She was questioning me about her home and some things that she found. I immediately go into, "What did I not do, or I could have been more diligent here..." My mind races and every step that I take is looked over and over and over. I re-walk my steps through the house in my mind, over and over again. Jason saw me "going there" last night. He laid aside what he was doing then reached out and took me. He asked, "Have you done anything wrong?"
"No"
"Did you open the door that was found open?" (Other workers have access to the house as well.)
"No"
Every part of my performance is questioned and I start to cry. I can't help it. I know I could do better. I always can! But his words brought my heart to rest on the truth, "You did everything you could. You take care of your job and you do it well. If we loose these clients over this, it is okay." And with that he hugged me and turned to finish what he was working on.
My night did not end in complete rest of my mind, but when I turned to scripture this morning I saw exactly what I needed to. Proverbs 11:1, "Dishonesty in business disgusts the Eternal, but fair dealings delights Him." Then the insert right below this says, "Business may well be the most common human activity, so God cares deeply about how we conduct our business. Many proverbs address honesty in all forms of business-buying, selling, negotiating, transacting, and working. All of these depend on trust. Deceit in business causes many people to suffer. In fact, world economies and all our livelihoods depend in large measure on truthfulness honesty, and fair dealings in the market."
This may sound crazy, like a reprimand, but it is not. I am innocent and have conducted myself with integrity. I do at times take someone with me while I am working, but I am not irresponsible in doing this. Often I need help, or it may be a good time to talk while I work. They do not have free reign of the home, but are with me. So why do I immediately jump to the awful conclusion that I have done something wrong?
Part of my insecurity is the fact that these home owners do not have a personal relationship with me. They do not know me! So in this I feel I am constantly having to prove myself. That is an awful way to live. This does not bring me security, but a feeling of inadequacy. 100% self inflicted. May my heart rest on my reputation within. Have I been perfect? No. Have I seen a few things I need to check on that I have not thought of before? Indeed. Will I do a little better next time in noticing what I do not usually think of? Yes. With that, I can rest no matter the outcome.
Colossians 3:23, "Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ."
Nanny Cams, that is our next step. I do my work well, but only He can see me when I am alone. I have nothing to hide, for I know that in truth I always have someone watching. I am hoping to get cameras in all of our homes. Then there is never a question of "who?" I do not have to live with a feeling of "self preservation", but a feeling of security that no matter what happens, He will take care of me. I have been fair. I have done my job to the best of my previously known ability. Some things have been brought to my attention... now I know and will do even better. That is all that can be expected of anyone.
As a child I trained myself to live on the defense. I would lie and mislead. I trained myself to not trust myself through the choices I made. I have discovered that this is no way to live! I still go there, but it is not merited. I must constantly remind my heart of who I am now and I do not have to live in my past. "I press on to the prize at the end for which Christ is calling me heavenward." And with that, I find peace. But in order to find this peace we must first look at our own heart. Are we living in every day like we are being watched from Nanny Cameras? If we discover that one day we have been filmed, what will be our reaction then? Do we really live as though our true boss is the Lord?
I have been going through this. The other day I received an email from one of the home owners that I work for. She was questioning me about her home and some things that she found. I immediately go into, "What did I not do, or I could have been more diligent here..." My mind races and every step that I take is looked over and over and over. I re-walk my steps through the house in my mind, over and over again. Jason saw me "going there" last night. He laid aside what he was doing then reached out and took me. He asked, "Have you done anything wrong?"
"No"
"Did you open the door that was found open?" (Other workers have access to the house as well.)
"No"
Every part of my performance is questioned and I start to cry. I can't help it. I know I could do better. I always can! But his words brought my heart to rest on the truth, "You did everything you could. You take care of your job and you do it well. If we loose these clients over this, it is okay." And with that he hugged me and turned to finish what he was working on.
My night did not end in complete rest of my mind, but when I turned to scripture this morning I saw exactly what I needed to. Proverbs 11:1, "Dishonesty in business disgusts the Eternal, but fair dealings delights Him." Then the insert right below this says, "Business may well be the most common human activity, so God cares deeply about how we conduct our business. Many proverbs address honesty in all forms of business-buying, selling, negotiating, transacting, and working. All of these depend on trust. Deceit in business causes many people to suffer. In fact, world economies and all our livelihoods depend in large measure on truthfulness honesty, and fair dealings in the market."
This may sound crazy, like a reprimand, but it is not. I am innocent and have conducted myself with integrity. I do at times take someone with me while I am working, but I am not irresponsible in doing this. Often I need help, or it may be a good time to talk while I work. They do not have free reign of the home, but are with me. So why do I immediately jump to the awful conclusion that I have done something wrong?
Part of my insecurity is the fact that these home owners do not have a personal relationship with me. They do not know me! So in this I feel I am constantly having to prove myself. That is an awful way to live. This does not bring me security, but a feeling of inadequacy. 100% self inflicted. May my heart rest on my reputation within. Have I been perfect? No. Have I seen a few things I need to check on that I have not thought of before? Indeed. Will I do a little better next time in noticing what I do not usually think of? Yes. With that, I can rest no matter the outcome.
Colossians 3:23, "Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ."
Nanny Cams, that is our next step. I do my work well, but only He can see me when I am alone. I have nothing to hide, for I know that in truth I always have someone watching. I am hoping to get cameras in all of our homes. Then there is never a question of "who?" I do not have to live with a feeling of "self preservation", but a feeling of security that no matter what happens, He will take care of me. I have been fair. I have done my job to the best of my previously known ability. Some things have been brought to my attention... now I know and will do even better. That is all that can be expected of anyone.
As a child I trained myself to live on the defense. I would lie and mislead. I trained myself to not trust myself through the choices I made. I have discovered that this is no way to live! I still go there, but it is not merited. I must constantly remind my heart of who I am now and I do not have to live in my past. "I press on to the prize at the end for which Christ is calling me heavenward." And with that, I find peace. But in order to find this peace we must first look at our own heart. Are we living in every day like we are being watched from Nanny Cameras? If we discover that one day we have been filmed, what will be our reaction then? Do we really live as though our true boss is the Lord?
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