Grudges

I love it when something jumps at me from the pages that I read. The small, short book (well, can you call one chapter a book) of Philemon got me this morning. Paul is sending someone, a slave, a robber, a cheat, back to his owner. A man who had been wounded and had every right to hold a grudge against the one who had wronged him. Paul is writing to him trying to soften the blow for Onesimus as he returns to Philemon. Paul begins by stating how generous, and good Philemon is. Then he tells him to accept Onesimus back without holding a grudge and to forgive him for what he has done in the past. He is calling him to come to a higher standard of forgiveness and love, while he faces the one who betrayed him. But here is the part that I love, "So if you consider me your partner, welcome him as you would welcome me. If he has wronged you in any way or owes you anything, charge it to me. I, Paul, write this with my own hand: I will repay it. And I won’t mention that you owe me your very soul!"

Did you see that? Does it jump off at you like it jumps off at me? Read it again. "I will repay it. And I won’t mention that you owe me your very soul!" Paul pulled the, "you owe me card." When I think of the hurt, harm, and devastation that I have brought to others in my life, how could I hold a grudge against anyone who harms me now. I am the slave that betrayed my Master. I was the one who spit in the face of my redeemer, right after I gave Him a kiss! So tell me, how could I carry a grudge against anyone who wrongs me? I have done much worse to my Lord than anyone could ever possibly do to me. So why would I ever think that I have a right to hold on to hurt, when someone wrongs me in some minor way. Even if it is "big", why would I think I deserve revenge, when someone else is willing to take their wrong and repay me their debt.

Oswald Chambers, "My goal is God Himself . . .At any cost, dear Lord, by any road. 'At any cost . . . by any road' means submitting to God’s way of bringing us to the goal. There is no possibility of questioning God when He speaks, if He speaks to His own nature in me. Prompt obedience is the only result. When Jesus says, 'Come,' I simply come; when He says, 'Let go,' I let go; when He says, 'Trust God in this matter,' I trust. This work of obedience is the evidence that the nature of God is in me... God will never be real to me until I come face to face with Him in Jesus Christ. Then I will know and can boldly proclaim, 'In all the world, my God, there is none but Thee, there is none but Thee.' The promises of God are of no value to us until, through obedience, we come to understand the nature of God. We may read some things in the Bible every day for a year and they may mean nothing to us. Then, because we have been obedient to God in some small detail, we suddenly see what God means and His nature is instantly opened up to us. 'All the promises of God in Him are Yes, and in Him Amen...' (2 Corinthians 1:20). Our 'Yes' must be born of obedience; when by obedience we ratify a promise of God by saying, 'Amen,' or, 'So be it.' That promise becomes ours."

What grudge are you holding on to? Who has wronged you to the point, so bad, that you think you have the right to not forgive them? Do you see yourself as who you really are? A slave whose debt was paid by someone else, for your freedom. Do we really ever have the right to hold others debt against them when Christ is saying, "I will repay it. And I won’t mention that you owe me your very soul!" How a burden can be lifted when I look at myself for who I really am. I am a women, who owed a debt that I could not repay. I am a slave whose transgressions were paid by Christ, so that I could be counted as a sister to others who thought they could condemn me. I am set free from any grudges that I may think I have the right to hold, for He has paid others debts that they owe me. Let freedom reign. Forgive others, as you have been forgiven. He has set you free!

http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/11/17/devotion.aspx?year=2009