Oswald Chambers, "Never allow anything to remain in your life that is causing the unrest. Think of every detail of your life that is causing the disintegration as something to fight against, not as something you should allow to remain. Ask the Lord to put awareness of Himself in you, and your self-awareness will disappear. Then He will be your all in all... If we try to overcome our self-awareness through any of our own commonsense methods, we will only serve to strengthen our self-awareness tremendously. Jesus says, “Come to Me . . . and I will give you rest,” that is, Christ-awareness will take the place of self-awareness. Wherever Jesus comes He establishes rest— the rest of the completion of activity in our lives that is never aware of itself."
I am part of a group of people who are starting a college outreach program. We will start in just a couple of days and I am one of the speakers. I want to do this. I like to speak about the changing power of Christ. I do not want to tell my story.... again. We had a practice time the other night and I had something prepared. Well actually, it was plagiarized from one of the talks given on Ravi Zacharias' web site. In this "run through" with my friends, what I had planned was shot down. My attempt was vetoed and my instructions were clear. "You are not authentic with this," they said. "You need to tell your story. They need to hear about your life."
I don't want to tell my story any more. Do you hear, I hate to look like a fool. I hate to admit my stupidity. I want to speak of the joy. The joy that I have is in my new life. The joy that I possess is in the now. But here I go again, telling of my sin. Anyway, I consented and accepted their advise. I had been feeling okay about all of it, until yesterday.
Through our business, I am part of three, who are the landlords of several rentals around town. Yesterday, I went around to several of my houses talking to our tenants. When I went to a house that had college students, I handed them one of our flyers and invited them to come to LIVE@WEBSTERHALL. After doing this, I felt sick. I literally felt like I was going to throw up. My focus was on myself and all that I could see was "fool". Self-awareness really set in and every bit of my focus was distorted. Through my insecurities and fear, all I could see was me. When this happens, which is often, I want to hide so that I do not have to look anyone in the eyes. All day yesterday, I was living in self-awareness. Last night I went to bed with me on my mind.
Bless God, Everyday is new. Today is a new day. Before I started reading this morning, I prayed to God that He would help me see. I prayed that He would give me the strength so that I could do this thing, for all I could see was me and I was beginning to drown. I opened my bible to the pages marked for today and my spirit was strengthened.
2 Samuel 6, "...But as the Ark of the Lord entered the City of David, Michal, the daughter of Saul, looked down from her window. When she saw King David leaping and dancing before the Lord, she was filled with contempt for him... David retorted to Michal, 'I was dancing before the Lord, who chose me above your father and all his family! He appointed me as the leader of Israel, the people of the Lord, so I celebrate before the Lord. Yes, and I am willing to look even more foolish than this, even to be humiliated in my own eyes! But those servant girls you mentioned will indeed think I am distinguished!'"
Oh, how I love the story of David. He made so many mistakes, but his heart was for his Lord. He was willing to look like a fool, for in his life he was dancing before his Lord. This morning I am strengthened. I can take my focus off of myself and dance before my God, through the story of His amazing grace that is told though my life experiences. Others may see me and have contempt for me, but that is okay. I know my call. I have been called to speak of His mercy, grace and redeeming power. How can others grasp this if I don't speak openly about my failures? I don't have to live in fear, for He is my guide. My story is once again going to be told to a new crowed. Others who are there, who have already heard my story, may look at me with contempt, but His story must be heard. I do not have the publishing rights on this story, He does. He can do with it what He wants. Through my story, His story is revealed. His love. His grace. His redemption. My story is the story of the Cross of Christ. All of our stories ultimately tell of His story, if we can take our focus and turn it to Him. Let the story begin.
No comments:
Post a Comment