The Enemy Living with You

“For my people have done two evil things:
They have abandoned me—
the fountain of living water.
And they have dug for themselves cracked cisterns
that can hold no water at all!" Jeremiah 2:13

As I look upon my life and the lives of those that I know, I am often in wonder at how we have done exactly this. We expect things, others, this world to fill us. Only to discover that we ourselves have become cracked cisterns that can hold no water.

What if your enemy resides right in your own home? What if that enemy is the one that lays next to you at night? Dietrich Bonhoffer points us to the love of Christ for our enemies. In the New Testament our enemies are those who harbor hostility against us...And who needs our love more than those who are consumed with hatred and are utterly devoid of love? 

I have recently been reading the book Love and Respect by Eggerichs. Now I have no doubt that this book has saved, benefited countless marriages, but honestly, I am not a fan. I like to read books that are going to help me understand my Lord better. I like these books because if I can understand His love more, then maybe, I can learn to love more like He loves. I do not like books that take my focus and point it more toward a person or a situation and this is what most "self help" books do. And besides in Love and Respect Eggerich is constantly making a point that you are living with a spouse that is wanting to work with you and has "good will for you". What if you are married to someone who does not have good will toward you? (Now don't go extreme on me! I'm not talking to someone who is in a dangerous situation. The Israelites ran from their bondage in Egypt and sometimes this is what we must do.) Anyways...

What are we supposed to do then?

Bonhoffer lived in a time with true enemies at hand. He points us to Christ and His love for us. ...the more bitter our enemy's hatred, the greater his need of love... Am I asked how this love is to behave? Jesus gives the answer: bless, do good, and pray for your enemies without reserve and without respect of persons... without hypocrisy and with utter sincerity... We are not to imagine that this is to condone evil; such a love proceeds from strength rather than weakness, from truth rather than fear, and therefore it cannot be guilty of the hatred of another. And who is to be the object of such love, if not those whose hearts are stifled with hatred?

Each of us are called to work out our own salvation. We are living this life and we must keep our focus. Christ never said it would be easy, but love is the only way we can keep those bitter roots from taking hold. When we can keep our focus on Christ and His ever present love for us, then maybe we can give that love to others. Maybe we can see their true hearts and instead of taking their sickness personally, we can love Christ enough that we can endure into our own healing path. I cannot abandon my God ever again and I know that if I focus on others my cistern will be cracked and nothing/no one will ever be able to fill it. 

Jesus says, "be like Me."  We are each called to be His representatives in our own realm of influence.  If we are looking to Him for our living water, then hopefully we can then go and be like Him. 

Valentines

Valentines is almost here. Stores are stocked and our local grocery store looks more like a florist with the entrance stuffed full of flowers, balloons, and candy. Pink and red are the colors for the season. I am often amazed by this season. I love seeing all the different things that have arrived. As many get up much hope in what they are expecting, I am blown away if I get more than just a card. But really, I think I mainly get that because Jason usually takes our boys to get something. Honestly, it isn't that big of a deal for me. I never really have been that needy in the area of valentines. Don't get me wrong, it isn't because I don't like it. It really doesn't have much to do with me at all. Lets take a quick jump then come back soon.

Genesis 4, Adam and Eve have had some children who are now old enough to work. "Abel became a shepherd, while Cain cultivated the ground. When it was time for the harvest, Cain presented some of his crops as a gift to the Lord. Abel also brought a gift—the best portions of the firstborn lambs from his flock. The Lord accepted Abel and his gift, but he did not accept Cain and his gift. This made Cain very angry, and he looked dejected."

Why was Cain's gift unaccepted while Abel's was? Really take pause and look. "Cain presented some, Abel also brought a gift—the best" 

It is about their hearts. It appears that Cain just went out into the fields to grab some of what he had. It wasn't really part of his heart, but more like an appeasement. Abel on the other hand brought his best. He knew what he had and brought his most precious part. 

In marriage I think this is where we can see the heart of God the most for us. It is this day, supposedly set aside just for Him. Many of us show up and put a check mark in our calendar saying that we did our deed for that week. We try and appease God by our going to church, or whatever it is that we do. But what He wants is our heart. He wants us to go out and find Him the best of what we have. Not that He is needy or insecure, but that He wants our whole heart. An appeasement offering is never sufficient. And it really isn't just about a certain day either, but about our life. We are to seek relationship with Him everyday.  

Now back to Jason and Valentines day. Every day Jason gives me more. When he has been at work all day, he still comes home and helps me with the boys and the dinner. I give him my best too. Every Saturday is not really a play day, but a cleaning house day. Jason gets out the whip and drives the children to clean more. He is not sitting back barking orders, but leading our family by example. We give our best that each of us has, each day. But Saturdays are an all in family affair. Now this does not mean that each day is a fairy land. We are human and some days seem more like a refugee camp and we are just trying to survive, but for the most part each day we each try our best for each other, for our family. Giving up and wallowing in self want is never an option for true happiness. 

“Why are you so angry?” the Lord asked Cain. “Why do you look so dejected? You will be accepted if you do what is right. But if you refuse to do what is right, then watch out! Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master.”

This life is hard. When we discover that what we have given isn't enough, we often feel angry, put out, dejected, and disrespected. However, I don't think it is because we have truly given our best, but that we have only really given some, and then we have been called out on our offering of appeasement. I do not want an appeasement offering. I'll call your bluff if that is what you expect me to accept. I want your heart. I want your whole gift, selected carefully. But if it is just about a certain day, save your money. For I am not that easily appeased. I truly believe this is just one day set aside that shows that relationship we have with our God. Our marriages are supposed to be a direct reflection of our relationship we each are to have with our God. Are we giving Him our whole heart everyday? Or are we bringing Him an appeasement offering on a certain day that has been set aside that He is rejecting because He can see our true hearts?

Today's Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest is very good. Is Your Mind Stayed on God

Sometimes our best really doesn't look like much, but its all we have at that moment. And that is ok. But I don't want to live in that place. I want others to want more from me.... for me. Don't you?!

Surround Sound

Have you ever sat in a surround sound theater when one of the speakers were louder than the others. Surround sound is meant to work together. The speakers are made to each project a different, but equally important sound of what you are meant to hear. If there is only one speaker working at your left side you can miss a very important whisper that may have been intended to come from your right. As we are watching our lives playing out in front of us, are we listening from one side of our theater about who our God seems to be, or are we looking and willing to hear the surround sound of a Grand, Magnificent, and Loving God? Who is God to you? What have we been taught about the atonement of Christ?  Do we see God as the big bully in the sky, just waiting for us to make a mistake? Do we see the God of creation breathing life into existence? Do we see the Exodus, a God who hears the cry of His people and comes to their rescue?

"If Jesus Christ really did rise from the dead, everything else is just Rock-N-Roll," NT Wright.

In saying that, these are just another look at the theory of Atonement. Jesus Christ is Lord. God is our Savior. Nothing there changes, but what may change is our look on God, our look on life, our look at others. The most important part of our journey through life is that we learn to love and forgive, that we learn to live openly in truth. That we learn His love and forgiveness so that we can do a better job at this ourselves. He has commissioned us to go into the world and share with others who He is. We need to have a better understanding of Him so that we can better love others, don't we!

Left Side.... 

Atonement is a formula A+B=C (a legal issue)

God is holy and just + We sinned + Justice must be served = Jesus became our sin so God's justice could be satisfied by punishing Jesus instead of us.

Right Side...

Atonement is a rescue mission= it is a relational issue that is a matter of the heart.

Our hearts have turned away from God. Sin is something that results from a broken heart. It is not something that is tangible, but something that is relational... Relational Infidelity

Right after I left my ex-husband, while we were still married, I went to a counselor that had always told the couples to work out their situation together. He NEVER advised divorce with the thousands of people that came to him for help with their infidelity. He never did, until I came in that is. He told me to not go back to my husband. It wasn't that my ex-husband was so bad. It was because my heart was so wrong. I did not understand what love was. I did not understand really anything about God and what He wanted for me. I couldn't love, forgive, live correctly because my heart was so broken. 

I have known other couples that have experienced much worse than I did, but their faithful spouse still remains faithful and they remain married. The difference with their marriages and mine is that the faithful spouse knows and represent the love of Christ through their life with the one they pledged their life to. Their spouse cheats, lies... basically degrades them, but they keep their focus. Their focus is on their Christ. What was His call? "Follow Me." (I am not saying that you should remain in an abusive relationship. Call the cops, get out if it need be.... But represent His love and faithfulness in the process without becoming bitter and resentful.)

As I watch others living for Christ and being His true representatives here for us to see, I see our role here on earth differently. When we are diving into God we can see through other's actions into their heart. I see innocence persecuted. I see others suffering and remaining faithful to their faithful God. I can see His faithfulness through their lives. I can see His suffering for us, through our suffering for others in the here and now. Can we hear the different speakers working? Are we settled with just having the front speakers working, or are we seeking and searching for more? I know that when we feel God to be boring or mundane, maybe it isn't Him, but we may be just hearing from one speaker. For our God will never settle for boring or mundane. One of the hardest things I have ever done, and still try to do, is that I try and be mindful of my own hearts intentions. I am not a victim. I can choose to be strong or weak, but it is my choice. I must also be ever present in the fact that others are watching me, just like I am watching, waiting to see Christ represented in our lives; how we handle suffering, pain, joy, happiness. Others are watching us. Are they seeing Christ's life living in ours? Do we know how to love in truth? Love in truth loves well for others, for ourselves and most importantly for our God.

Just a piece of a very complex puzzle ;)

Life of War

"Life without war is impossible..." (Oswald Chambers)

Do you ever get tired of the battle and just want a break. Last week my home came to a halt. My husband and oldest son had the flu. I was afraid I was going to get it as well, then the entire house would be quarantined and no one would be able to think, much less take care of the sick. One night I called in for back up/reinforcement/help, "Mom do you want to come stay with us?" She jumped and was here the very next day. She arrived with all of her herbs, needles, and books. We were going to war. Each of us were treated differently, but for the same reason. Jason had a very high fever and chills. Eric had a fever that ended up affecting his ear. William and I were given herbs to help block any incoming attacks and our bodies remained strong while the others battled to recover. Each one of us were on a healing path and when my mom's tonics were still not driving the evil out, she called our acupuncture friend here in town for other unknown properties she may have. Finally, my home is at peace.

"Health is the balance between the physical parts of my body and all the things and forces surrounding me. To maintain good health I must have sufficient internal strength to fight off the things that are external.... Morality is the same. Anything that does not strengthen me morally is the enemy of virtue within me... But we must fight to be moral. Morality does not happen by accident; moral virtue is acquired" (The law of opposition)

N.T. Write gives this example in his talk After you believe: why Christian character matters, If you go to the hospital to visit a very sick friend, you may say to yourself, "They are just a shadow of their former self. But if we are in Christ, we are a shadow or our future self." Our goal, our longing is to know Him more so that we can better reflect Him and who we are to become through Him. Our future self in Christ is but the shadow we see here. This is why our character matters. This is why we must always be facing His light. Anyone can learn a vice. It is in living with no purpose and no goal that we venture into the world unprepared for battle and discover that we have been grabbed by a vice. We no longer are free, but trapped by a hidden snare that we walked into freely. Virtue is the opposite. Virtue is doing what we must in the small things so that when it really counts we are prepared and can land smoothly without any casualties along the way.

"And spiritually it is also the same. Jesus said, 'In the world you will have tribulation...' (John 16:33). This means that anything that is not spiritual leads to my downfall. Jesus went on to say, '... but be of good cheer, I have over come the world.'"(O. C.) He also told us to be born again and follow Him. 

When a baby is born we do not expect it to be full of knowledge and able to run. No, it is cradled and carried for quite some time. Then as she grow she gets her strength. She begins her life of adventure and discovery. It is the same with people who have been baptized\born again. They are not supposed to just have everything together. We are in a state of constant growth and development. There have been studies on taxi drivers that show how their brains are in a growth process. As they use the part of the brain called hippocampus, the part that coordinates spacial reasoning, this area is significantly larger than most. They have developed over time and become a new person. We are to develop over time. We are to become a new person. We are to become more like our future self. Be patient with yourself. I must be willing to allow myself time. But in this time I must keep my focus clear so that I do not become trapped by a vice. We must be strong in character, developing more and more each day with purpose and strength. 

"When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.
Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love."

1 Corinthians 13:11

Love is not our duty, but our destiny! Our greatest command...

Deeds of the Heart

"....Now someone may argue, 'Some people have faith; others have good deeds.' But I say, 'How can you show me your faith if you don’t have good deeds? I will show you my faith by my good deeds.'...” James 2:14-26

We have gotten things so out of line in our Christian teachings. I grew up with the thought that I needed to be good for God to save me. Not that that is what I was told, but that is what I heard through my young hearts understanding. The hell and brimstone approach was not working for me. "Live good and you'll go to heaven. Be bad and you'll be punished, possibly right to hell." Then there is also the other approach, "You can do anything you like. God loves you and He doesn't care how you live." Is there a balance? Why does it seem that God loves "sinners" till they are saved, then He expects them to change and be perfect? Or the other, that He doesn't expect anything from us, but Jesus does it all and He doesn't care how we live now?

When I started to have a better understanding of God and His love, I started to respond differently to life. When scripture talks about your deeds, it isn't to earn anything.  I don't live differently to make God love me or to earn my salvation. I live differently to "thank Him." I live differently so others can see Him through my life.  Not that I live perfectly now, but everything I do, I try and put Him first in my actions. I try and be a good representative of Him.

I have no doubt that others have been offended by me, don't like me, think I do not do a good job in this or that. My initial reaction is usually not the appropriate reaction. I must take a moment and let Christ have His way with my heart. I'm judgmental and give up very easily on others. If I do not see a change of actions on their part, I give up on them and assume they'll never change. That is my first response. My hope is that others do not see my response, but that they see His response through me. I pray that He opens my heart and eyes to them, so that I can see Him working (no matter what they are doing). 

"It is a trap to presume that God wants to make us perfect specimens of what He can do- God's purpose to to make us one with Himself." Oswald Chambers, Christian Perfection

Do you see what I see? It's not about "them!" It's about me and my relationship with my God and how I respond to life. Do I allow Him to lead me and take control of my heart? Do I love Him when I am sick? Do I lean upon Him when I am well? 

"Oh God, help me to see you better today. Help me to respond with your love as I encounter your people. Help me to not judge with my eyes and let me have your heart. You are a good God and I am so thankful for Your jealous love for me. Help us Lord to live a life that responds to Your love for us with a thankful life response. Help us to live differently today. Help us to be a good representative for you in our work, in our home. Help us to love in truth, in Your truth. Thank You my Lord. In Jesus name, Amen."

Experiential Relevance

Do you ever ask the question, "Why do I believe what I believe?" And if we do ask ourselves this, then what is the answer we come up with? And is there any way to test this "belief"?

Ravi Zacharias gives us three tests for truth:

Logical Consistency- Are there any contradictions found in what we believe?

Empirical Adequacy- Does it have verifiable observations, practical experience/facts you can use in court?

Experiential Relevance- Does it work in real life?

These are the three truth tests, that I am not going to get into, but we all need to be familiar with. In our nights at LIVE we have been discussing these three applications. We cannot just come back with an answer of "your wrong, I'm right." We need to have communication skills when we visit about our faith and evidence to back it up with. We must be respectful of others and allow them to talk freely. But here I like to focus on Experiential Relevance. This is where we all have practical application, even if we do not realize it.

Last night we started our conversation with "suffering". On November 5 in Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, he discusses suffering. Now there are many different ways of suffering. I have suffered because of choices that I have made and I have suffered because of things that happened to me that were not part of my own fault at all. But they both fall under the title of "suffering." I have told my group for years now, "I wouldn't take any of it away." And I wouldn't! Now do not get me wrong. I do not like it when I am suffering. I wallow and I cry and beg God to take it away. But after the suffering is lifted I can see where my heart was led and for that reason alone I wouldn't change a thing. Every bit of my suffering has taken me back to God. This journey has been a life path for me to find my Lord. A journey that He has been in full knowledge from the beginning. Time for a story...

When I was a little girl, my family would camp at Lodgepole camp ground on the Taylor River in Gunnison Colorado. Right at the bend in the road stood an aspen tree that my father carved my initials JS. For years that tree stood. My husband also vacationed near Gunnison in a little mining town above Taylor reservoir called Tin Cup. My tree was his marker that "he was almost there" on his long drive from Oklahoma. When we met twenty years later the tree was removed because of some road construction. But we were both "there." Not that our journey was so that we would find each other, but that we would have a better understanding of God and His ways.

On November 7 of Oswald Chambers we read about The Undetected Sacredness of Circumstances. This is one of my hardest life lessons to learn from. Through all of my suffering, through all of my life experiences did God make me suffer? Did He wave His magic wand and wish bad for me? ...there is no such thing as chance. God by His providence brings you into circumstances that you can’t understand at all, but the Spirit of God understands. God brings you to places, among people, and into certain conditions to accomplish a definite purpose through the intercession of the Spirit in you.

God does not choose for me to hurt myself in my choices that I make.  But He does choose for me to always be able to see Him, often in hindsight, through the road that I have traveled and for me to see that He has always been there.  From the time that I was a little girl, God was with me.  I can see it in the tree that Jason and I were a part of.  Again, not so that I would find him, but that I would find Him.  It was through my suffering that I have discovered that I turned more toward God.  It was through my suffering that I found more relationship with the Christ and discovered that He relates to us through His suffering.  And the tie that bind's all of us together, is the travels through suffering that we all are a part of. 

This very small example is of experiential relevance in my own life. Can you see yours?  What is it in your life that you can point to Him and say, "But God..." Through the three tests of truth, if you still do not want faith, if you choose to not believe, no one can convince you. Often it is not about our will to believe that we struggle with.  Many times it is our will to disbelieve. When I begin to struggle and doubt, I turn to the three tests. My personal experience speaks loudest to my heart. But if I am determined to go my own way about something, I find that I can rely on unbelief to justify what I am doing. We all have faith in something. Even if we express it as, "I have no faith in anything. I don't even have faith in myself. Faith cannot be proven and I have no idea where I will end up." That statement is a statement of faith. You are putting your faith in the arena of agnosticism. This seems like a safe place, but in the end it leaves us with a feeling of unfulfillment. We are impotent in our life and have no meaning or mystery.  It is the mystery that keeps us looking.  It is the mystery of God that keeps us hungering for more.   It is the suffering of the cross that ties us all together and the majesty in mystery that keeps us hungering for more.

  

A Woman Called Mary

"As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, He came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to Him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what He said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:38-42)

I've grown up listening to teachings on the story of Martha and Mary.  They have all been the same; Mary was at Jesus feet being good while Martha was busy running around and getting the dinner ready.  Martha needed to slow down and see that she needed to be more attentive to Jesus and not so concerned about getting the things ready. This interpretation has never sat easy within my heart. The story of Martha and Mary needed more for me.  Several years ago I heard Beth Moore teach on this and my new world of understanding started to open. Lets give it a shot...

There is an interesting word choice here "Martha.... her sister called Mary." Most of us think of Jesus' mother Mary when we hear this name which means beloved. But I want to point out the wording in, why is she "called Mary"?  If she was called Mary, maybe this means that her name was really something different. Why was she called Mary? If you look up the root meaning of Mary we see that the name is derived from the Hebrew Miryam meaning Sea of bitterness, sea  of sorrow. Now this gives a new spin on things.

There have been years of my life where I felt the call of God to teach, to share my story for others, but what I have really been needing to do is to sit at Jesus feet for I was Mary.  In Oswald Chambers on October 10 we see that our relationship with God is always given, but our obedience is what allows us to hear Him.  These years of getting up early in order to spend time with my Christ have been years of sitting at His feet in order to heal my broken and bitter heart. Just now another piece has been healed so that I am slowly progressing to the faith of Martha as we see in John 11. Lazarus, Mary and Martha's brother, has been dead for four days.  When Martha hears of Jesus' arrival she runs to him and says, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.” Her brother was dead, but even then she still believes. Mary did not have the same reaction.  

Jesus had to send for Mary and when she, (looked at Him through yet another disappointment... through yet another person letting her down... through her bitter and broken heart...) she said, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” 

And "Jesus wept." Maybe he wept for their pain. He knows our pain. He know that with our limited vision and understanding that we hurt and suffer, but maybe he hurt more for Mary because she still had so little faith in Him. Maybe He cried more for a wound of distrust that has been placed on our hearts.  Maybe He is asking us to have patience with Him as He has with us.  Maybe, just maybe, we need to sit at His feet a little longer in order for our wounds to be healed so that we can see the miracles in front of us. Maybe, we give up on our God way too soon.

In Oswald on October 12 we see, "It is painful work to get in step with God and to keep pace with Him— it means getting your second wind spiritually. In learning to walk with God, there is always the difficulty of getting into His stride, but once we have done so, the only characteristic that exhibits itself is the very life of God Himself. The individual person is merged into a personal oneness with God, and God’s stride and His power alone are exhibited... He has different ways of doing things, and we have to be trained and disciplined in His ways... He has different ways of doing things, and we have to be trained and disciplined in His ways."

It took Moses forty years of living and learning in the desert, alone with God, before he was ready to lead God's people for another forty years through their own desert experience.  In this world we have times of hurt and times that seem like our Christ is silent. But we must never give up on Him, for this is when He weeps.  We keep moving forward and looking to Him. When others see you, do they see Mary? Do they see a wounded, bitter, rebellious broken heart? Are we giving ourselves time to heal or are we giving up on Christ? Do we trust Him? Martha is in a place of health and trust... I want to be Martha, but I want to see others as Christ saw the one called Mary. I want to be patient with them and allow Him to work on their hearts while they heal in their desert of wounds.