Psalm 32:1-5, "Oh, what joy for those whose disobedience is forgiven, whose sin is put out of sight! Yes, what joy for those whose record the Lord has cleared of guilt, whose lives are lived in complete honesty! When I refused to confess my sin, my body wasted away, and I groaned all day long. Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me. My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat. Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide my guilt. I said to myself, 'I will confess my rebellion to the Lord.' And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone."
Sin is a weird and wild thing. It can grab hold of us without us even realizing that we are sinning. My sin for some years now has been food. I loved food so much that I was unwilling to eat what I knew I should in order for my body to be healthy. I would even grab something when no one was looking, you know, sneak that delicatessen. That sin was easy for me, for it never showed up outwardly upon my figure, but inwardly I was in pain and my guilt was killing me without me even wanting to see it. It is not that I can never have anything, but those things were controlling me.
Definition of sin-- “Whatever weakens your reasoning, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, or takes away your relish for spiritual things. In short, if anything increases the authority and power of the flesh over the spirit, then that to you becomes sin, however good it is in itself.” (Susana Wesley, RZ)
Here recently I asked God's forgiveness for this sin. My sin was not only cheating and loving those sweet morsels and struggling in giving them up, but it was in treating God as if He did not know. The truth is, when you think no one else knows but you, there is at least one other who knows even more than you do about what you are doing. I think in retrospect, this has always been my sin. I treat God as if He is not omnipotent/omnipresent. I believe in my mind that He does not really care about my everyday life. While my mind is saying one thing, my heart is crying out for something that it knows my mind is missing. This tearing between my heart and my mind is the war within. It has been through my confession and my willingness to listen not only with my mind but my heart as well that I have found the strength, the desire, the ability to change. It is in combining these two resources, instead of them waring within that this past holiday, 4th of July, has not been a totally horrific burden.
Psalm 32:8-11, "The Lord says, 'I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you. Do not be like a senseless horse or mule that needs a bit and bridle to keep it under control.' Many sorrows come to the wicked, but unfailing love surrounds those who trust the Lord. So rejoice in the Lord and be glad, all you who obey Him! Shout for joy, all you whose hearts are pure!"
In opening my heart and mind towards God and His desires to show me a new path for learning to love myself, I planned ahead for this holiday with friends and food. I either took something with me that I could eat myself, or I just ate before we left. I did not feel left out and I did not feel burdened. He came in and allowed my mind to see what my heart had been calling out this entire time. I needed to set myself apart so that I could learn to love the unlovable... myself. I have seen His grace, mercy, and patience. Now He is teaching me how to see me as He sees me. In order to see this I must be set free from all desires that are controlling me and restraining me from learning to love myself.
Oswald Chambers, "...In spiritual issues it is customary for us to put God first, but we tend to think that it is inappropriate and unnecessary to put Him first in the practical, everyday issues of our lives. If we have the idea that we have to put on our “spiritual face” before we can come near to God, then we will never come near to Him. We must come as we are..."
What is the sin in your life that you may think no one else knows about? Are you waring within?
No comments:
Post a Comment