Heart Ache

I was recently in a meeting with a young couple, Mike and Jane, who are trying to get their life together, after drugs and alcohol. His mother, Sally, was there as part of the accountability group. There were two main things that hit me and made me very sad. The first was how painful their life is, and the second was his mother. The meeting lasted for two hours and in those two hours I didn't have much to say, which is a first. I just listened and looked at all those involved.

As I watched Mike give his "speech" to us, on how he is changing his life, Jane cried. Their life is in turmoil. They have no money, because of the addictions, and it seems like everything is so hard. I kept looking at Jane and Sally; I looked into my life and placed myself, very easily, in Jane's seat. I couldn't help it, I was right with her on her journey. I took that journey several years ago, the only difference was, she has children and she is trying to do this with her husband. My heart breaks for her and for Sally. My mother was in Sally's seat. My mother had that pain on her face and her heart was in turmoil. I cried so much after that meeting, my heart breaks for them....

I think this is why I try to help those who have broken their lives with drugs and other hurtful things of this world. I can so easily place myself in their shoes. I feel their pain and how truly alone they feel. I feel their sorrow and I know their despair. I was there. My mother was sitting in that seat thinking, "Will you ever get your life together, is there any hope, where is God in your life?" I can answer those questions now. God is there, he is right there helping Mike and Jane. He is there putting the right people in their lives. He is helping them, only they cannot see him, yet.

I pray that Sally can find a little peace in knowing that I made it. Let me tell you, if I can make it, then Mike and Jane can too. The only thing that made it easier for me was that I had no children. But, in saying that, the children may be the ones giving them the reason to save themselves. I had no money. I was addicted to drugs. I was a stripper. My life was full of turmoil. I had no hope and no God. But isn't it interesting, God was right there the whole time. He was there whispering in my ear, I only had to listen.

I recently read Philippians, The book of Joy. I am so thankful that I now have joy. I have peace. I have been saved from my life of turmoil. I no longer have shame at my door. I am whole and pure. I thank my God for saving me, before I could feel him. I thank him that he looked into my heart and saw a broken spirit, that he desired to mend. Phil. 3:3, "We put no confidence in human effort. Instead we boast about what Christ Jesus has done for us." I did not save myself. My mother did not save me. God saved me! God loved me, while I was unlovable.

Phil. 2:12-18, "...God is working in you, giving you the desire to obey him and the power to do what pleases him....You are to live clean, innocent lives as children of God....I will rejoice, and I want to share my joy....rejoice with me." Often it is in doing God's will that we gain the desire to do it. It takes stepping out of our comfort zones and doing the work. After a while the work becomes our desire and it is no longer work, but our life. A life full of joy, peace, purity and love.

"My Father,
Please be with those who are suffering and trapped by the lies of Satan. Let them see that we are meant to have joy and peace in you. This life does not have to be a struggle and that with you all things are possible. It only takes one step at a time. Nothing comes over night, but the journey is so worth it. Let your love be known and know that we, none of us, are perfect. Yet, you love all of us, just the same. You are a true and just God. I thank you that you are not a God of works, but a God of love.
Amen"