Psalm 101, "I will sing of your love and justice, Lord. I will praise you with songs. I will be careful to live a blameless life- when will you come to help me? I will lead a life of integrity in my own home. I will refuse to look at anything vile and vulgar. I hate all who deal crookedly; I will have nothing to do with them. I will reject perverse ideas and stay away from every evil. I will not tolerate people who slander their neighbors. I will not endure conceit and pride. I will search for faithful people to be my companions."
I am in Psalms, in my personal reading time. As I read the different writings, there are so many lessons to be learned through others lives. I can apply so much to my life at most any stage of my life. We have been given a guide to help us on our journey, so that we never feel alone. "These history songs were written for passing on important lessons to succeeding generations... With these we can reflect on how consistently God's people failed to learn from the past. They repeatedly turned from fresh examples of God's faithfulness and forgiveness only to plunge back into sin. How often we have every reason to live for God, we choose instead to live for everything but God. If we paid more attention to 'His story,' we wouldn't make so many mistakes in our own stories."
When do I fail? When do I do the things that I shouldn't? When I think, 'I can get away with it.' So many of us are caught up in a snare that keeps us held back. Women with their romance novels. Men with pornography. Why do we think we can get away with reading or watching something that we would be embarrassed if someone saw what was going through our minds. It is these moments of weakness that keep us trapped in our sin. These moments when we wish we could erase what we allowed in, because they always come and haunt us later. We cannot escape it. For men, you get caught in the dark world of pornography, until you cannot ever be fully satisfied with your own wife. For women, the lure of Hollywood or romance novels, creates a world that your husband can never compete with. We can only blame ourselves for the lack of intimacy in our relationships.
Read the Psalm again, "I will lead a life of integrity in my own home. I will refuse to look at anything vile and vulgar." When we refuse to obey the laws of God, and we insist on doing things our own way, we pay a heavy price. We think we are getting away with it. We think it is okay, but our conscience, knows the difference. So we choose to live in slavery, rather than freedom. I have picked on the lure of sexual temptation, but this goes in every area of our lives. If we eat what we know we are not supposed to eat; if we say something about someone that we hope they never hear; if we... ; fill in the blank. What have you been doing that haunts you, but you seem to not be able to control? If we will keep our minds on 'His story' then we will not have to live in torment for the rest of our lives. What have you not turned over to Him, so that you can be free... What lesson from your history, or others, are you not learning? If you keep struggling with the same mistakes, then take a look at reality and turn to 'His story.'
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Saturday, May 30, 2009
I Cannot Stop
Psalm 90, "Teach us to make the most of our time, so that we may grow in wisdom...Satisfy us each morning with Your unfailing love, so we may sing for joy to the end of our lives. Give us gladness in proportion to our former misery! Replace the evil years with good. Let us, Your servants, see You work again; let our children see Your glory. And may the Lord our God show us His approval and make our efforts successful. Yes, make our efforts successful!"
The joys that I have been given by God are so great. I am so thankful to Him for blessing my life. Ps 96, "Sing a new song to the Lord! Let the whole earth sing to the Lord! Sing to the Lord; praise His name. Each day proclaim the good news that He saves. Publish His glorious deeds among the nations. Tell everyone about the amazing things He does. Great is the Lord! He is most worthy of praise!" I cannot stop. Tell me, does anything in this earth give you this sort of feeling? Is there anything that you are desiring that gives you true inner joy as this? In the past I would spend every waking moment trying to fill my life with what ever I could, so that I did not feel empty. Whether it was friends, stimulants, or what ever. I was not satisfied with my life, where I was going or really anything. I had to be doing something that stimulated my days. Now I am content with my simple existence, because just being in love with Him gives me satisfaction.
If you feel like your life is empty in times of rest, with nothing stimulating your day, then what are you seeking? If it is not Him, then you will know it, for He has made a place in everyone's heart for Him. He is the only one who can fill you. Do not keep seeking. Stop turning to things of the world to satisfy a feeling that only He can fulfill. Just ask, do you wake every morning with a new song in your heart? You can...
The joys that I have been given by God are so great. I am so thankful to Him for blessing my life. Ps 96, "Sing a new song to the Lord! Let the whole earth sing to the Lord! Sing to the Lord; praise His name. Each day proclaim the good news that He saves. Publish His glorious deeds among the nations. Tell everyone about the amazing things He does. Great is the Lord! He is most worthy of praise!" I cannot stop. Tell me, does anything in this earth give you this sort of feeling? Is there anything that you are desiring that gives you true inner joy as this? In the past I would spend every waking moment trying to fill my life with what ever I could, so that I did not feel empty. Whether it was friends, stimulants, or what ever. I was not satisfied with my life, where I was going or really anything. I had to be doing something that stimulated my days. Now I am content with my simple existence, because just being in love with Him gives me satisfaction.
If you feel like your life is empty in times of rest, with nothing stimulating your day, then what are you seeking? If it is not Him, then you will know it, for He has made a place in everyone's heart for Him. He is the only one who can fill you. Do not keep seeking. Stop turning to things of the world to satisfy a feeling that only He can fulfill. Just ask, do you wake every morning with a new song in your heart? You can...
Friday, May 29, 2009
Untamed Passions
Where did everything go so wrong? What did we do that drove us into the dark waters? 1 Kings 9ff, God called Solomon. He asked Solomon to govern His people and to love only Him. "If you will follow Me with integrity and godliness, then I will..." But, in all of Solomon's wisdom, he denied himself nothing. His women that he chose, were faithless women, from other nations and he had no true friends to help him when he was making a decision from greed or passion. We learn from Solomon that it is possible to know how to govern a nation; It is possible to know right from wrong and yet live a completely debauched lifestyle. Solomon gives us the example of what happens to a gifted man when he has untamed passions. Rehoboam gives us the example of what happens to a weak man who is driven to gain power, for he did not take the advise of the older men. Jeroboam gives us the example of what happens to a privileged man with an unteachable temperament.
Everyone needs rules to follow. Everyone needs a friend who will tell them when they are making a bad decision. I did not love my ex husband. My ex husband did not love me. I can say this because, neither one of us was willing to do what was best for the other. I denied him nothing. In my pursuit to try and please him, my choices led to a passion all my own, that I could not control. He did not look at me and see what was best for me. Together we walked into a lifestyle that was void of any restraints. So this is where it all went so wrong. Anything that we wanted, we felt we had a right to go out and do it. In our pursuit for our own evil desires, we never once opened up to an older person and tried to take their advise. We were both very privileged people. God had given us both gifts, that we were abusing. In all three of these kings, I can see my life. How did things go so wrong? I did not have any restraints on the pleasures that I pursued, I did not turn to an older person for advice (and take that advice over my own desires); I had an unteachable temperament of a privileged child.
Do not despise the person who is daring enough to come you, and tell you, when they see your life going off track. It takes a true friend to want to help you. Solomon was the only O.T. king who never had anyone to help him with his moral decisions. In all of his wisdom in helping other people, he could not see himself truthfully. He relied on himself, and this was his downfall. "Meaninglessness does not come from experiencing pain; it comes from experiencing pleasure." Do not live a meaningless life. If you see me going off track, be a friend to me, stop me, correct me. For even when we are trying our best to live a good life, we can still be blind to our own faults. I still make many mistakes, but this time I have surrounded myself with others who love me enough to correct me. I have also learned that those little secrets that I do not want to bring to light, they are the ones that will ultimately destroy me. Are you living with power that you are abusing? Have you got passions that are untamed? Have you got a temperament that is unteachable? What has God been trying to say to you?
Psalm 84, "When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs, where pools of blessing collect after the rains!... A single day in your courts is better than a thousand anywhere else! I would rather be a gatekeeper in the house of my God than live the good life in the homes of the wicked. For the Lord God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right. O Lord of Heaven’s Armies, what joy for those who trust in you."
(Taken from Ravi Zacharias "Lessons from Royalty" http://www.rzim.org/USA/Resources/Listen/JustThinking.aspx?archive=1&pid=1536)
Everyone needs rules to follow. Everyone needs a friend who will tell them when they are making a bad decision. I did not love my ex husband. My ex husband did not love me. I can say this because, neither one of us was willing to do what was best for the other. I denied him nothing. In my pursuit to try and please him, my choices led to a passion all my own, that I could not control. He did not look at me and see what was best for me. Together we walked into a lifestyle that was void of any restraints. So this is where it all went so wrong. Anything that we wanted, we felt we had a right to go out and do it. In our pursuit for our own evil desires, we never once opened up to an older person and tried to take their advise. We were both very privileged people. God had given us both gifts, that we were abusing. In all three of these kings, I can see my life. How did things go so wrong? I did not have any restraints on the pleasures that I pursued, I did not turn to an older person for advice (and take that advice over my own desires); I had an unteachable temperament of a privileged child.
Do not despise the person who is daring enough to come you, and tell you, when they see your life going off track. It takes a true friend to want to help you. Solomon was the only O.T. king who never had anyone to help him with his moral decisions. In all of his wisdom in helping other people, he could not see himself truthfully. He relied on himself, and this was his downfall. "Meaninglessness does not come from experiencing pain; it comes from experiencing pleasure." Do not live a meaningless life. If you see me going off track, be a friend to me, stop me, correct me. For even when we are trying our best to live a good life, we can still be blind to our own faults. I still make many mistakes, but this time I have surrounded myself with others who love me enough to correct me. I have also learned that those little secrets that I do not want to bring to light, they are the ones that will ultimately destroy me. Are you living with power that you are abusing? Have you got passions that are untamed? Have you got a temperament that is unteachable? What has God been trying to say to you?
Psalm 84, "When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs, where pools of blessing collect after the rains!... A single day in your courts is better than a thousand anywhere else! I would rather be a gatekeeper in the house of my God than live the good life in the homes of the wicked. For the Lord God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right. O Lord of Heaven’s Armies, what joy for those who trust in you."
(Taken from Ravi Zacharias "Lessons from Royalty" http://www.rzim.org/USA/Resources/Listen/JustThinking.aspx?archive=1&pid=1536)
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
New Song, New Day
Psalm 66, "Shout with joy to God, all the earth! Sing the glory of His name; make His praise glorious! Say to God, "How awesome are Your deeds! So great is Your power...Come and see what God has done, how awesome His works in man's behalf!... Praise our God, O peoples, let the sound of His praise be heard; He has preserved our lives and kept our feet from slipping. For You, O God, tested us; You refined us like silver.... Come and listen, all you who fear God; let me tell you what He has done for me. I cried out to Him with my mouth; His praise was on my tongue. If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened; but God has surely listened and heard my voice in prayer. Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld His love from me!"
Ahh, what a glorious song to sing with a fresh new day. I have spent the past couple of days swimming in the dark waters of my past. I have been on my knees in tears, searching my heart and my soul, asking God for answers. Last night Jason and I were in deep conversation about all that has happened. He asked me a question that I had been playing with, but it never fully materialized until last night. "If I could, would I change where I am now, for what could have been?" Honestly, my answer is, no. God has placed me in the perfect place, and given me more than I could have ever dreamed of, on my own. I have regrets, my heart breaks when I think of all of the awful things that I have done. But, would I erase any of it, in exchange for what I have now?...no. What I have done is to learn from my mistakes and vowed to never repeat any of it. I make mistakes and there have been times that I have repeated a small thing here or there, but to live the mistakes again; no.
Here is what I mean; I married a certain kind of man, the first time, then a totally different kind of man the next. I learned from my first marriage. Instead of repeating the same decision twice, I went the opposite direction. Instead of going with my own desires, I did what God was asking me to do. He has greatly blessed me for following Him. I can see how people get multiple divorces, they are not changing their ways. It was not my ex husband's fault that I did what I did. I had to look at myself and change my ways. I had to uncover the secret sins in my own heart, so that I could learn from them and not repeat them.
Each of us need to look at our on life and see what is hidden within our own hearts. If we live blaming others for our decisions, then we are doomed to repeat them. I am in control of my life, whether I want to acknowledge this or not. The easiest way to learn, is to learn from other people. Jason is a man who watches other people and learns from their mistakes. He has wounds, but not nearly as penetrating as mine. I stubbornly chose to live my life the way that I wanted to live it. The wounds that I gave myself are now very deep. God has healed me and allowed me to live a wonderful life, in spite of my stubbornness, but the wounds are still there. What is important is that I have learned from my mistakes and look at them through the eyes of reality. What life choices have you made? Are you experiencing the same heartache over and over again? If so, what is it that you have not admitted to yet? Open your heart to God. He will allow you to see your sins, then He can change your life.
Ahh, what a glorious song to sing with a fresh new day. I have spent the past couple of days swimming in the dark waters of my past. I have been on my knees in tears, searching my heart and my soul, asking God for answers. Last night Jason and I were in deep conversation about all that has happened. He asked me a question that I had been playing with, but it never fully materialized until last night. "If I could, would I change where I am now, for what could have been?" Honestly, my answer is, no. God has placed me in the perfect place, and given me more than I could have ever dreamed of, on my own. I have regrets, my heart breaks when I think of all of the awful things that I have done. But, would I erase any of it, in exchange for what I have now?...no. What I have done is to learn from my mistakes and vowed to never repeat any of it. I make mistakes and there have been times that I have repeated a small thing here or there, but to live the mistakes again; no.
Here is what I mean; I married a certain kind of man, the first time, then a totally different kind of man the next. I learned from my first marriage. Instead of repeating the same decision twice, I went the opposite direction. Instead of going with my own desires, I did what God was asking me to do. He has greatly blessed me for following Him. I can see how people get multiple divorces, they are not changing their ways. It was not my ex husband's fault that I did what I did. I had to look at myself and change my ways. I had to uncover the secret sins in my own heart, so that I could learn from them and not repeat them.
Each of us need to look at our on life and see what is hidden within our own hearts. If we live blaming others for our decisions, then we are doomed to repeat them. I am in control of my life, whether I want to acknowledge this or not. The easiest way to learn, is to learn from other people. Jason is a man who watches other people and learns from their mistakes. He has wounds, but not nearly as penetrating as mine. I stubbornly chose to live my life the way that I wanted to live it. The wounds that I gave myself are now very deep. God has healed me and allowed me to live a wonderful life, in spite of my stubbornness, but the wounds are still there. What is important is that I have learned from my mistakes and look at them through the eyes of reality. What life choices have you made? Are you experiencing the same heartache over and over again? If so, what is it that you have not admitted to yet? Open your heart to God. He will allow you to see your sins, then He can change your life.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Dark Waters run Deep
I just got a Facebook account. Boy, has this brought back a flood of memories. My college days and first marriage are staring me in the face. We had such a blast in college, with the band. It was so much fun...It got so out of control. We were living "the life." Partying all of the time and not a guilt in the world to worry about, until the bottom fell out. It was when the band broke up and we moved to Corpus Christi, that things went very wrong. Oh, but looking back at the old days, the boys playing on the stage, the fun that we had; it is hard to believe that we through all of that away. My ex husband and I turned to the drugs more than to our friends. The dark waters that we were swimming in ran so deep through our veins that we could not see the destruction that was laying in wait. Right in front of us. The regrets that torment my spirit right now. The regrets of not being strong enough. The regrets of not being the one who knew when to say no. Instead I would have to say that I was the weakest of us all. The guilt that can so easily overwhelm me is relentless.
Do you hear that I regret the life that I have now? I do not. I live a life that I could have never dreamed of, but it is those stupid things that should not have ever happened. Those are the things that I regret. I live often in my memories of my college days and life with my ex husband. I think it is because I am surrounded by college girls, we have two living with us. How can I not think about my college years and just where everything went so wrong? I see the things that the different girls are doing and wonder, just where did I go so wrong? I think it started at the beginning. The start, when we were just having fun and no one was really getting hurt from any of it. Honestly, I think that I hurt myself more than anyone else ever could have. I speak often of my past, not because I am living in it, but because I don't want others to hurt as bad as I have.
Hebrews 2:1-3, "So we must listen very carefully to the truth we have heard, or we may drift away from it. For the message God delivered through angels has always stood firm, and every violation of the law and every act of disobedience was punished. So what makes us think we can escape if we ignore this great salvation that was first announced by the Lord Jesus himself and then delivered to us by those who heard him speak?" Do you hear me, sweet girls? Be careful with your lives. Those mistakes that you make when you are young, never leave your memory. I cannot live in the past, I don't live in the past. But this is where my testimony lives; where I came from to where He has placed me now! Hebrews 3, "Make sure that your own hearts are not evil and unbelieving, turning you away from the living God. You must warn each other every day, while it is still “today,” so that none of you will be deceived by sin and hardened against God... 'Today when you hear his voice, don’t harden your hearts...'"
Do you hear Him speaking to you? Does any of this help you? Do you hear Him calling you home? Those stupid little things that you think now are no big deal, may one day be very big aches in your heart. Think about what you are doing today...It does have an effect on your tomorrow. To quote my friend, "We all have bad, sad things from that time during our lives--but we're not alone in that--it's just nice to be where we are now and realize that God is still faithful!!" How thankful I am for my life now. How I cherish my family and my friends. Everyone has to find their way with God, I just pray that some of my experiences can help...
Do you hear that I regret the life that I have now? I do not. I live a life that I could have never dreamed of, but it is those stupid things that should not have ever happened. Those are the things that I regret. I live often in my memories of my college days and life with my ex husband. I think it is because I am surrounded by college girls, we have two living with us. How can I not think about my college years and just where everything went so wrong? I see the things that the different girls are doing and wonder, just where did I go so wrong? I think it started at the beginning. The start, when we were just having fun and no one was really getting hurt from any of it. Honestly, I think that I hurt myself more than anyone else ever could have. I speak often of my past, not because I am living in it, but because I don't want others to hurt as bad as I have.
Hebrews 2:1-3, "So we must listen very carefully to the truth we have heard, or we may drift away from it. For the message God delivered through angels has always stood firm, and every violation of the law and every act of disobedience was punished. So what makes us think we can escape if we ignore this great salvation that was first announced by the Lord Jesus himself and then delivered to us by those who heard him speak?" Do you hear me, sweet girls? Be careful with your lives. Those mistakes that you make when you are young, never leave your memory. I cannot live in the past, I don't live in the past. But this is where my testimony lives; where I came from to where He has placed me now! Hebrews 3, "Make sure that your own hearts are not evil and unbelieving, turning you away from the living God. You must warn each other every day, while it is still “today,” so that none of you will be deceived by sin and hardened against God... 'Today when you hear his voice, don’t harden your hearts...'"
Do you hear Him speaking to you? Does any of this help you? Do you hear Him calling you home? Those stupid little things that you think now are no big deal, may one day be very big aches in your heart. Think about what you are doing today...It does have an effect on your tomorrow. To quote my friend, "We all have bad, sad things from that time during our lives--but we're not alone in that--it's just nice to be where we are now and realize that God is still faithful!!" How thankful I am for my life now. How I cherish my family and my friends. Everyone has to find their way with God, I just pray that some of my experiences can help...
Monday, May 25, 2009
He did it!
As I sit here watching and listening to the world around me waking, I am overwhelmed with gratitude toward Christ. I am so thankful for my life. I am so blessed to be a woman who is loved by many. There is truly no reason for me to be here. When I was younger, all of my choices brought me pain. I did not choose this one either, He did it for me. It was like I was in a fog, taking the steps that were placed in front of me. I fought for some time, but now I sing with a song that He placed within me. Psalm 40, "I waited patiently for the LORD; He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God."
I have no other way to talk. I have nothing else that I really think about. I truly am just waiting for Him to tell me which step to take next. Honestly, this is the wildest ride I have ever been on. And trust me I have been on some wild rides. But this one is different, I never wake in the morning with a hang over. I wake with a smile on my heart and a song in my soul. Can you say that you wake the same way? Many of my days are just days that I am supposed to do my normal work. You know: feed the kids, take care of the house, cook diner (when Jason isn't cooking), just normal days. But even in these normal days, I have a peace about myself that no one with my past should have. As long as I keep my focus on Him I can control my thoughts.
Oh LORD, help me keep my focus on You. Help me to remember that this life is fleeting. I desire to do Your will, O my God; Your law is within my heart. "I proclaim righteousness in the great assembly; I do not seal my lips, as You know, O LORD. I do not hide Your righteousness in my heart; I speak of Your faithfulness and salvation. I do not conceal Your love and Your truth from the great assembly." Father please let others see how good You truly are. Let them see my life and know that You are the one to see. Let them see that You are the only reason that I am here. Thank You Jesus, for being my sacrifice so that I may live...
I have no other way to talk. I have nothing else that I really think about. I truly am just waiting for Him to tell me which step to take next. Honestly, this is the wildest ride I have ever been on. And trust me I have been on some wild rides. But this one is different, I never wake in the morning with a hang over. I wake with a smile on my heart and a song in my soul. Can you say that you wake the same way? Many of my days are just days that I am supposed to do my normal work. You know: feed the kids, take care of the house, cook diner (when Jason isn't cooking), just normal days. But even in these normal days, I have a peace about myself that no one with my past should have. As long as I keep my focus on Him I can control my thoughts.
Oh LORD, help me keep my focus on You. Help me to remember that this life is fleeting. I desire to do Your will, O my God; Your law is within my heart. "I proclaim righteousness in the great assembly; I do not seal my lips, as You know, O LORD. I do not hide Your righteousness in my heart; I speak of Your faithfulness and salvation. I do not conceal Your love and Your truth from the great assembly." Father please let others see how good You truly are. Let them see my life and know that You are the one to see. Let them see that You are the only reason that I am here. Thank You Jesus, for being my sacrifice so that I may live...
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Conversations
Have you ever had a dream where you had a conversation with God. Last night, I had this dream. I have had many conversations lately that deal with getting high or drunk. The question usually goes like this, "But what is wrong with it if I don't hurt anyone in the process? I mean, if I don't become an addict and we are just having fun, then what is wrong with it?" In my dream God answered my question for me. He said, "If you love me, you will obey me. And I have told you not to do it." After I woke up, I kept thinking about my conversation. It doesn't matter if I or anyone else wants to do something, what matters is that I am obeying God. I have watched it and I have done it. You're right, there is no harm in getting high if no one is really affected. Especially if you only do it just every once in a while and you are just having fun.
Romans 13, "The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light. Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy. Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature." Every time I have ever gotten waisted, I always acted differently. Even if I did nothing to hurt me or anyone else. Every time we indulge in getting high, we say things and do things that we normally would not do. If we love Christ, we are to follow Him. Does this mean that I never drink. Of coarse not, I do drink, but I do not love the drink. I cannot get drunk.
This brings up another point. If we are drinking every night, then we are loving the drink. And if we are constantly tuning to a substance to help us cope with our lives, then how are we to say we are relying on God? He is asking us to love Him. So, if we are loving a substance more than Him, are we obeying Him? Honestly, this takes out any other substance. I cannot partake in smoking a bowl with someone, because this one hit would get me high. I can casually have a drink with someone, because this one drink would not get me drunk. I love the feeling of getting high. I love the feeling of getting drunk, but He wants me to love Him more. If I allow myself to do these things, then I am falling in love with something other than God. Revelation 2:4, "Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first."
I must continually ask myself, whom do I love? Do I love Him enough to obey Him? Do I love Him enough to guard my heart so that I will never fall out of love with Him again? Whom do you love?
Romans 13, "The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light. Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy. Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature." Every time I have ever gotten waisted, I always acted differently. Even if I did nothing to hurt me or anyone else. Every time we indulge in getting high, we say things and do things that we normally would not do. If we love Christ, we are to follow Him. Does this mean that I never drink. Of coarse not, I do drink, but I do not love the drink. I cannot get drunk.
This brings up another point. If we are drinking every night, then we are loving the drink. And if we are constantly tuning to a substance to help us cope with our lives, then how are we to say we are relying on God? He is asking us to love Him. So, if we are loving a substance more than Him, are we obeying Him? Honestly, this takes out any other substance. I cannot partake in smoking a bowl with someone, because this one hit would get me high. I can casually have a drink with someone, because this one drink would not get me drunk. I love the feeling of getting high. I love the feeling of getting drunk, but He wants me to love Him more. If I allow myself to do these things, then I am falling in love with something other than God. Revelation 2:4, "Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first."
I must continually ask myself, whom do I love? Do I love Him enough to obey Him? Do I love Him enough to guard my heart so that I will never fall out of love with Him again? Whom do you love?
Friday, May 22, 2009
To You, O LORD
Psalm 19:1-4, "The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard. Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world." I love the summer. I love to sit on my front porch, coffee on the table next to me, bible on my lap. The sounds of the world wakening around me. There is no other time of day when the songs of the birds are so sweet. This is the time of day when I gather my thoughts for the day. I fix my thoughts on Jesus Christ and I begin asking Him to give me strength for the day. My first priority is my husband and what he needs from me that day. Then my children and the love I need to show them through the day. This is the most challenging part of my day; showing my boys the love that I feel for them, even when I am trying to do other things as well. Oh God, give me the strength and love that I need for this day. Allow me to be a good representative for You to my boys.
Psalm 22:30-31, " Our children and their children will get in on this. As the word is passed along from parent to child. Babies not yet conceived will hear the good news— that God does what He says." Many people think I am wrong for sharing so much of my life with others. They say that I need to censor what I tell people, trust me, I do censor most everything. I feel like in sharing my life with others, with my children, hopefully they can learn from my mistakes and not have to go through what I went through. If they still choose to stubbornly walk their own way, I want them to have an example to follow on the return home. We are all called to proclaim the glory of God. If we leave out our moments that we were the weakest, how can His full glory be told? It is when we are small that His compassion is shown.
Psalm 25, "UNTO YOU, O Lord, do I bring my life. O my God, I trust, lean on, rely on, and am confident in You. Let me not be put to shame or [my hope in You] be disappointed; let not my enemies triumph over me. Yes, let none who trust and wait hopefully and look for You be put to shame or be disappointed; let them be ashamed who forsake the right or deal treacherously without cause. Show me Your ways, O Lord; teach me Your paths. Guide me in Your truth and faithfulness and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation; for You [You only and altogether] do I wait [expectantly] all the day long. Remember, O Lord, Your tender mercy and loving-kindness; for they have been ever from of old. Remember not the sins (the lapses and frailties) of my youth or my transgressions; according to Your mercy and steadfast love remember me, for Your goodness' sake, O Lord."
Holding my head high, is the part that I struggle with the most. So often, we want to enjoy the things of the world without counting the cost. Now I feel a calling to talk to others about my sins. This calling comes with a price, I must still hold my head high. If I must suffer now so that others may live, let it be well with my soul. But really these are just fears I think we all have. Fears that if someone finds out what we have done, it is going to come out bad. I really have not experienced this. A few looks, maybe a few cold shoulders, but really I cannot please everyone any way. So to You, O LORD, I lift up my soul. To You, O LORD, I give my life. Thank You, for rescuing me.
Psalm 22:30-31, " Our children and their children will get in on this. As the word is passed along from parent to child. Babies not yet conceived will hear the good news— that God does what He says." Many people think I am wrong for sharing so much of my life with others. They say that I need to censor what I tell people, trust me, I do censor most everything. I feel like in sharing my life with others, with my children, hopefully they can learn from my mistakes and not have to go through what I went through. If they still choose to stubbornly walk their own way, I want them to have an example to follow on the return home. We are all called to proclaim the glory of God. If we leave out our moments that we were the weakest, how can His full glory be told? It is when we are small that His compassion is shown.
Psalm 25, "UNTO YOU, O Lord, do I bring my life. O my God, I trust, lean on, rely on, and am confident in You. Let me not be put to shame or [my hope in You] be disappointed; let not my enemies triumph over me. Yes, let none who trust and wait hopefully and look for You be put to shame or be disappointed; let them be ashamed who forsake the right or deal treacherously without cause. Show me Your ways, O Lord; teach me Your paths. Guide me in Your truth and faithfulness and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation; for You [You only and altogether] do I wait [expectantly] all the day long. Remember, O Lord, Your tender mercy and loving-kindness; for they have been ever from of old. Remember not the sins (the lapses and frailties) of my youth or my transgressions; according to Your mercy and steadfast love remember me, for Your goodness' sake, O Lord."
Holding my head high, is the part that I struggle with the most. So often, we want to enjoy the things of the world without counting the cost. Now I feel a calling to talk to others about my sins. This calling comes with a price, I must still hold my head high. If I must suffer now so that others may live, let it be well with my soul. But really these are just fears I think we all have. Fears that if someone finds out what we have done, it is going to come out bad. I really have not experienced this. A few looks, maybe a few cold shoulders, but really I cannot please everyone any way. So to You, O LORD, I lift up my soul. To You, O LORD, I give my life. Thank You, for rescuing me.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
The LORD Rescues Me!
The mountain air is crisp this morning. It rained yesterday, so this morning is new and fresh. Oh my LORD, how I love You. How I thank You for rescuing me from myself. Thank you Father for making me pure, a feeling I cannot remember without You. Thank You for placing me in safety, and cleaning my life. Psalm 18, "I love You, O LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies." I will sing His praises, because of what He has done for me. He saved me when I should have died. He saved me when I was guilty. He saved me, because He loved me when I was unlovable. Thank you my God.
"The cords of death entangled me; the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me. The cords of the grave coiled around me; the snares of death confronted me. In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From His temple He heard my voice; my cry came before Him, into His ears." The only way that I enjoy remembering my former life, is by remembering how He has saved me. He makes my past okay, for He is the one who is shown glory in-spite of my past; through my past.
"He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the LORD was my support. He brought me out into a spacious place; He rescued me because He delighted in me." He delighted in me when there was nothing in me to delight in. He is gracious. He is good.
"LORD, You have brought light to my life; my God, You light up my darkness... The LORD lives! Blessed be my rock! May the God of my salvation be exalted! You hold me safe... for this, O LORD, I will praise You among the nations; I will sing joyfully to Your name." What has the LORD saved you from? Where has He delivered you from your evil ones? It is truly sad that we must first be loved, before we love Him, but He understands this and takes the first step to love us. Christ died my death, so that I may live. He rescued me from my own evil desires. He placed me in a shelter, when I deserved to die in the desert. Thank you Father. I do not deserve Your love. Thank you...
"The cords of death entangled me; the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me. The cords of the grave coiled around me; the snares of death confronted me. In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From His temple He heard my voice; my cry came before Him, into His ears." The only way that I enjoy remembering my former life, is by remembering how He has saved me. He makes my past okay, for He is the one who is shown glory in-spite of my past; through my past.
"He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the LORD was my support. He brought me out into a spacious place; He rescued me because He delighted in me." He delighted in me when there was nothing in me to delight in. He is gracious. He is good.
"LORD, You have brought light to my life; my God, You light up my darkness... The LORD lives! Blessed be my rock! May the God of my salvation be exalted! You hold me safe... for this, O LORD, I will praise You among the nations; I will sing joyfully to Your name." What has the LORD saved you from? Where has He delivered you from your evil ones? It is truly sad that we must first be loved, before we love Him, but He understands this and takes the first step to love us. Christ died my death, so that I may live. He rescued me from my own evil desires. He placed me in a shelter, when I deserved to die in the desert. Thank you Father. I do not deserve Your love. Thank you...
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Loneliest Moments
Psalm 1, "Oh, what joy for those who do not follow the advice of the wicked, or stand around with sinners, or join in with scoffers. But they delight in doing everything the LORD wants." Do you know how hard it is to change your desires? The loneliest limes in my life were spent in war with my own desires. I was surrounding myself with people whom I thought I wanted to be with, because my desire was to do what they were doing. But in those moments, my soul was a war and my heart ached. It was during these times that I suffered the most. I was desperately trying to hold on to my life and in doing this, I was loosing my life. Matt 10:38, "and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." He is asking us to lay down what we think we want. He is asking us to desire Him, even if we think we will miss out on the "fun life." But what joy for those who finally let go of their own desires.
I remember times in my life when truth would come out of my mouth, but my understanding never wrapped around it. And I was the one saying it. What am I saying? I still do this. But the big ones, the ones I remember best, were the ones dealing with my addictions. Everyone says it. Everyone says, "I don't want to stop." In these few simple words, we can see where our desires lie. In one breath we are calling out to God, but not willing to let go of our own desires, so that He can give us life. I want you God; I want what I want, as well. This is where the deception is, in the thought that we can have both. He saves us when we call to Him, we find joy when we grab onto Him.
Romans 4:7-8, "Oh, what joy for those whose disobedience is forgiven, whose sins are put out of sight. Yes, what joy for those whose sin is no longer counted against them by the LORD." When I finally asked God to help me and to change my life, I was confused as to why I was not filled with joy more. What I have learned, as time has passed, is that I was not willing to let go of some things in order for Him to completely fill me. I had to work very hard in order to change my desires. Actually, I had to ask God to change my desires for me. Then I had to learn to listen in those moments when He was calling me to act differently. I had to be bored with the people God was calling me to be around, instead of going out with those I thought I was more comfortable around.
My last stand was when I was getting high at this guys camping trailer. You see I had lived in a camper at one time, and in my desperate desire to hang on to my addiction, I was right back in one. Jason was patiently waiting for me to let go of my desires. Jesus was calling me home, but I wanted to get high. At this one moment I finally saw how lost I really was. In one month I was going to be getting married, but in no way was I willing to let go. That night I saw how I was going to ruin everything, just because I was not willing to change my surroundings. I did not want to stay in that hell, but I couldn't see past my own foolish desires. Now I know what God was telling me the whole time, "Let go of your life, and you will find it." I have found the joy of the LORD. I finally let go, and gave my desires to Him. I am so thankful that I finally listened and obeyed. Everything that I wanted to do, I did not do. Everything that He whispered to me to do, I began doing. Now I finally know the Joy of the LORD!
I remember times in my life when truth would come out of my mouth, but my understanding never wrapped around it. And I was the one saying it. What am I saying? I still do this. But the big ones, the ones I remember best, were the ones dealing with my addictions. Everyone says it. Everyone says, "I don't want to stop." In these few simple words, we can see where our desires lie. In one breath we are calling out to God, but not willing to let go of our own desires, so that He can give us life. I want you God; I want what I want, as well. This is where the deception is, in the thought that we can have both. He saves us when we call to Him, we find joy when we grab onto Him.
Romans 4:7-8, "Oh, what joy for those whose disobedience is forgiven, whose sins are put out of sight. Yes, what joy for those whose sin is no longer counted against them by the LORD." When I finally asked God to help me and to change my life, I was confused as to why I was not filled with joy more. What I have learned, as time has passed, is that I was not willing to let go of some things in order for Him to completely fill me. I had to work very hard in order to change my desires. Actually, I had to ask God to change my desires for me. Then I had to learn to listen in those moments when He was calling me to act differently. I had to be bored with the people God was calling me to be around, instead of going out with those I thought I was more comfortable around.
My last stand was when I was getting high at this guys camping trailer. You see I had lived in a camper at one time, and in my desperate desire to hang on to my addiction, I was right back in one. Jason was patiently waiting for me to let go of my desires. Jesus was calling me home, but I wanted to get high. At this one moment I finally saw how lost I really was. In one month I was going to be getting married, but in no way was I willing to let go. That night I saw how I was going to ruin everything, just because I was not willing to change my surroundings. I did not want to stay in that hell, but I couldn't see past my own foolish desires. Now I know what God was telling me the whole time, "Let go of your life, and you will find it." I have found the joy of the LORD. I finally let go, and gave my desires to Him. I am so thankful that I finally listened and obeyed. Everything that I wanted to do, I did not do. Everything that He whispered to me to do, I began doing. Now I finally know the Joy of the LORD!
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Redeeming love
Job 19:25-27, "I know that my Redeemer lives, and that He will stand upon the earth at last. And after my body has decayed, yet in my body I will see God! I will see Him for myself. Yes, I will see Him with my own eyes. I am overwhelmed with the thought!" There has been one great command that Christ has given to all of us and that is to follow Him. In following Him we will obey Him, and in following Him we will love others and be a representative for Him. In our marriage study that we have been doing, Jimmy Evans "Our Secret Paradise," it was made very apparent our roles as husband and wives. In this role for us there is one great challenge, "who is the redeemer in the relationship?"
As with most all young married couples, Jason and I had to learn our roles in the relationship. The first few years of our marriage, were the hardest. Jason and I both had baggage that we brought into our marriage. Of course, my baggage was a little too heavy for me to carry. So God in His infinite wisdom, gave me Jason who started helping me with my load. Jason became the redeemer in our relationship. Eph 5:25, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." Jason gave himself up for me. He would work hard during the day, then come home and work hard around the house in order to lighten my load. He put his emotions aside and became a stable rock that I could hit, yet he was grounded and too heavy for me to move. He became my redeemer and through Him I finally discovered the love of Christ. Do you see? Through my husband, I could finally feel, see, and touch Christ. One of my favorite verses in the bible is, Eph 5:22-23, "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which He is the Savior." I love my role. My husband has made my part very easy. I respect him more than anyone I have ever known. He has earned my respect, my love, my devotion; Just as Christ.
Now it is my turn to show others the same love that my husband has shown me. I claim that I love Him. John 21:15-19, Jesus said, "Do you love Me more than these? ...Feed my lambs...Do you love Me?...Shepherd my sheep...Do you love Me?...Feed my sheep... And then he commanded, Follow me." If I claim to be a follower of the Most Holy LORD, then others should be able to find peace in my presence. In everything that we do, we are to be a mirror for Christ. We will not be perfect. My husband, in his human self, sins. I, in my fallen state, sin. Christ covers our sins, every day. The point is that He is asking us to go out and show others His love. He is asking all of us to take care of His sheep. What a privilege, and what an enormous responsibility. In this quest that He has assigned for each one of us, His love is more than enough to sustain us on the journey. I have never been happier, than in the moments of service toward my LORD. For in serving others, I am really serving Him; the One who has truly redeemed me. Oswald Chambers, "If you want to be of use to God, get rightly related to Jesus Christ and He will make you of use unconsciously every minute you live."
As with most all young married couples, Jason and I had to learn our roles in the relationship. The first few years of our marriage, were the hardest. Jason and I both had baggage that we brought into our marriage. Of course, my baggage was a little too heavy for me to carry. So God in His infinite wisdom, gave me Jason who started helping me with my load. Jason became the redeemer in our relationship. Eph 5:25, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." Jason gave himself up for me. He would work hard during the day, then come home and work hard around the house in order to lighten my load. He put his emotions aside and became a stable rock that I could hit, yet he was grounded and too heavy for me to move. He became my redeemer and through Him I finally discovered the love of Christ. Do you see? Through my husband, I could finally feel, see, and touch Christ. One of my favorite verses in the bible is, Eph 5:22-23, "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which He is the Savior." I love my role. My husband has made my part very easy. I respect him more than anyone I have ever known. He has earned my respect, my love, my devotion; Just as Christ.
Now it is my turn to show others the same love that my husband has shown me. I claim that I love Him. John 21:15-19, Jesus said, "Do you love Me more than these? ...Feed my lambs...Do you love Me?...Shepherd my sheep...Do you love Me?...Feed my sheep... And then he commanded, Follow me." If I claim to be a follower of the Most Holy LORD, then others should be able to find peace in my presence. In everything that we do, we are to be a mirror for Christ. We will not be perfect. My husband, in his human self, sins. I, in my fallen state, sin. Christ covers our sins, every day. The point is that He is asking us to go out and show others His love. He is asking all of us to take care of His sheep. What a privilege, and what an enormous responsibility. In this quest that He has assigned for each one of us, His love is more than enough to sustain us on the journey. I have never been happier, than in the moments of service toward my LORD. For in serving others, I am really serving Him; the One who has truly redeemed me. Oswald Chambers, "If you want to be of use to God, get rightly related to Jesus Christ and He will make you of use unconsciously every minute you live."
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Addition, There is no Subtraction
This morning I did not spend my time reading what I usually read. I opened my bible and felt like I needed to reflect on what I have been learning. I write often in my bible, it is my words and thoughts to God, with God, as I grow and discover things. These past few months were spent in a way that I never dreamed of. I got my teaching degree, but I really never saw myself in the schools. My calling is to stay home and be my sons teacher. Not that it is really all that easy and fun always, but it is the calling that I feel on my life right now. Homeschooling, being a house wife, taking care of my family and who ever comes through my door, I feel this is where I am supposed to be in this season of my life. But as usual, God had other plans for me that I did not see coming.
I truly have loved being in the schools with the kids. Honestly, my favorite time was spent with the high schoolers, even though my degree is in Elementary education. I loved talking with them, even though they probably just thought I was a nut. Now that I am settling back into my life here with my boys and thinking about the summer, I am so thankful for my opportunity to get to spend a few months in the schools. I pray that the kids will heed my words and think about life and the consequences that each choice brings them. Last night I watched "The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood." I watched how so much of their time seemed to be partying and having fun, but the hurt and pain from that time lasted a lifetime. If you just look at the fun, you think, "what is the problem, they were not hurting anyone." But then you see the outcome from those moments of pleasure and if you watch carefully you can see how lives were destroyed because of those brief moments of passion.
In Genesis 37, Reuben was a good man, but in his moment of passion he paid dearly for his decision. "What is gained from a moment of passion is only perceived; what is lost is real and permanent." I spent the last few days of my time at school talking to several young girls. I did a little math with them. I asked these 16 year old girls, how many guys they have slept with. 4 and 6 were their reply. So I asked them, if they keep the rate that they are currently going on, how many would that be by the time they are 20 years old. They were shocked and disgusted. When we are in it, many times we do not think in these terms. Each day we make a life choice. It is not about the "right now." It is about the always. We cannot subtract with our life choices, we can only add.
I had a lot of fun when I was partying all of the time. I did, it was fun, but the consequences become real when the party is over. I cannot sit around and regret my life, but I can try with all of my might to truly enjoy the rest of my life. The true joy comes with the decisions that bring no shame. True joy is in leading a life that helps you to sing. I cannot subtract from what I have done with my past, it will always be with me. These young kids cannot subtract what they have already done, but we can make sure that the additions that we make, are additions that we can be proud of. I pray that God was served in my time in the schools. If I am to go back again, I pray that He will be glorified. I am so thankful that through Christ I can be made pure again. Even though I cannot subtract what I have done, He can make me clean.
Psalm 90:14, "Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, so we may sing for joy to the end of our lives."
I truly have loved being in the schools with the kids. Honestly, my favorite time was spent with the high schoolers, even though my degree is in Elementary education. I loved talking with them, even though they probably just thought I was a nut. Now that I am settling back into my life here with my boys and thinking about the summer, I am so thankful for my opportunity to get to spend a few months in the schools. I pray that the kids will heed my words and think about life and the consequences that each choice brings them. Last night I watched "The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood." I watched how so much of their time seemed to be partying and having fun, but the hurt and pain from that time lasted a lifetime. If you just look at the fun, you think, "what is the problem, they were not hurting anyone." But then you see the outcome from those moments of pleasure and if you watch carefully you can see how lives were destroyed because of those brief moments of passion.
In Genesis 37, Reuben was a good man, but in his moment of passion he paid dearly for his decision. "What is gained from a moment of passion is only perceived; what is lost is real and permanent." I spent the last few days of my time at school talking to several young girls. I did a little math with them. I asked these 16 year old girls, how many guys they have slept with. 4 and 6 were their reply. So I asked them, if they keep the rate that they are currently going on, how many would that be by the time they are 20 years old. They were shocked and disgusted. When we are in it, many times we do not think in these terms. Each day we make a life choice. It is not about the "right now." It is about the always. We cannot subtract with our life choices, we can only add.
I had a lot of fun when I was partying all of the time. I did, it was fun, but the consequences become real when the party is over. I cannot sit around and regret my life, but I can try with all of my might to truly enjoy the rest of my life. The true joy comes with the decisions that bring no shame. True joy is in leading a life that helps you to sing. I cannot subtract from what I have done with my past, it will always be with me. These young kids cannot subtract what they have already done, but we can make sure that the additions that we make, are additions that we can be proud of. I pray that God was served in my time in the schools. If I am to go back again, I pray that He will be glorified. I am so thankful that through Christ I can be made pure again. Even though I cannot subtract what I have done, He can make me clean.
Psalm 90:14, "Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, so we may sing for joy to the end of our lives."
Friday, May 15, 2009
Job
As I read Job, I cannot help but to think of the different ways in which God acts in people's lives. Job was always my grandmother's favorite book. She was a woman who knew what health problems were about. For example: she survived three different strains of cancer, rheumatoid arthritis and a number of other ailments that I cannot remember, but what I do remember was that she had 43 different surgeries before she died. There were times when she would have straight pens going through her toes all the way down to her heals. And others when she had pens going through her fingers. Our family sat in more hospital rooms than most people even enter a hospital. But through her illnesses, God was glorified. However, there was four days that she talked about often, and related these days to how upset she was with God when she was diagnosed with cancer, for the third time. It was during this four day time that she did not pray, "even once", she would say. When I was first diagnosed with MS, I felt like someone had handed me a death sentence. My reaction to my sickness was a little more severe than my grandmother's. I turned my back on everything that was godly and decided to "live it up." But I still held on to Him, just in case I needed Him. In each situation God was in control and in each situation we had our moments of weakness.
Job, "I came naked from my mothers womb, and I will be stripped of everything when I die. The LORD gave me everything I had, and the LORD has taken it away. Praise the name of the LORD!" Job was "blameless, a man of complete integrity. He feared God and stayed away from evil." Job questioned God and wanted to understand why he was suffering, but in this questioning he never turned from his LORD. This is where Job stayed strong, and where we often fail. Even my grandmother, who only turned her head from God for four days in all of her suffering, she still turned her head. One of the main lessons that we can learn from Job: It is okay to question, but in this questioning, we need not to sin. Job was a man of faith, patience, and endurance. He was generous and kind. His friends just knew that there must be some secret sin that he was hiding, or he would not have been afflicted in such a way. It was through his friends accusations that Job began to be weak. In their attempts to help Job, they only weakened him. This is when he began to question God and ask Him "why?" In the LORD's reply to Job, He begins with questioning Job. He reminds Job, that He is the only one in control. In His answer to Job, He never answered Job.
Many times we will never know why God chooses to do things the way that He does them. It can be very frustrating for us, but if we will just accept the fact that we may never know the answer and that God is Just, then we will be better equipped to keep our faith in our LORD and find rest in His presence. In watching my grandmother, I learned that her faith brought many others to Christ. Her testimony was in her illness and His strength was in her weakness. In looking back on my life, I can see that my faith was not true faith. I needed to be refined in the fires of His hand so that I could learn to lean on Him always. When we face hard times, we need to know that pain is not always a punishment for things we have done wrong. God is not unreasonable or uncaring. We need to learn that knowing God is better than knowing the answers. Job never got answers to his questions, but he learned who God was. In this his life was spared and he gained faith in his LORD. We can question God, but when we become truly discouraged is when we are looking for a direct answer.
Job, "I came naked from my mothers womb, and I will be stripped of everything when I die. The LORD gave me everything I had, and the LORD has taken it away. Praise the name of the LORD!" Job was "blameless, a man of complete integrity. He feared God and stayed away from evil." Job questioned God and wanted to understand why he was suffering, but in this questioning he never turned from his LORD. This is where Job stayed strong, and where we often fail. Even my grandmother, who only turned her head from God for four days in all of her suffering, she still turned her head. One of the main lessons that we can learn from Job: It is okay to question, but in this questioning, we need not to sin. Job was a man of faith, patience, and endurance. He was generous and kind. His friends just knew that there must be some secret sin that he was hiding, or he would not have been afflicted in such a way. It was through his friends accusations that Job began to be weak. In their attempts to help Job, they only weakened him. This is when he began to question God and ask Him "why?" In the LORD's reply to Job, He begins with questioning Job. He reminds Job, that He is the only one in control. In His answer to Job, He never answered Job.
Many times we will never know why God chooses to do things the way that He does them. It can be very frustrating for us, but if we will just accept the fact that we may never know the answer and that God is Just, then we will be better equipped to keep our faith in our LORD and find rest in His presence. In watching my grandmother, I learned that her faith brought many others to Christ. Her testimony was in her illness and His strength was in her weakness. In looking back on my life, I can see that my faith was not true faith. I needed to be refined in the fires of His hand so that I could learn to lean on Him always. When we face hard times, we need to know that pain is not always a punishment for things we have done wrong. God is not unreasonable or uncaring. We need to learn that knowing God is better than knowing the answers. Job never got answers to his questions, but he learned who God was. In this his life was spared and he gained faith in his LORD. We can question God, but when we become truly discouraged is when we are looking for a direct answer.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Disciple
When I first came to Gunnison, I was running away from my life. I was running from a life of hurt and pain. I was running from myself and desperately trying to find out what I was supposed to do next. Even though I was still lost in the dark world of addictions, I was desperately trying to change my life. I was tired of hurting and I wanted to live a life worthy of living. But here is the catch, I did not want to rely on anyone. I knew I needed His help, but I did not want the help of anyone else, especially a man. One month after I left my ex-husband and came here, He gave me Jason. It was through this man that I finally discovered the love and devotion of Christ. It was through the arms of my husband that I finally felt the strength of Christ. I am not saying that I needed to get married so that I could change my life and stop struggling with my problems. This is the reason that I got married the first time, and trust me, it did not work. But, it was through the unconditional love of this man that Christ was finally revealed to me.
Luke 14:25-35, "Anyone who comes to me but refuses to let go of father, mother, spouse, children, brothers, sisters—yes, even one's own self!—can't be my disciple. Anyone who won't shoulder his own cross and follow behind me can't be my disciple." You see this is what Jason did for me; he let go of himself and through this selfless act I was able to see Christ. In order to be His true disciple, I must first put aside my own desires and see what He is asking me to do. What He desires of all of us, is to allow others to see Him through how we treat each other. This is the call He has placed on our lives, to let others see Him. In order for us to allow others to see Christ in us, we must first be able to see who we are and who He is, so that He can transform our every desire. Jason let go of himself and of his desires for his wife, in order to show me who He was. (Eph 5:25) As my husband, Jason fulfilled his role as a disciple of Christ. He laid aside his own desires and started serving me. In his servant attitude, I found respect for him as my husband, and through this I was able to feel the love of Christ. It was during this time that I was able to fall madly in love with my husband, and with my LORD.
Now that I understand a little better what Christ feels for me, I am better equipped to go out and show Christ to others. This does not mean that we ever get it all right, but the important thing is that Christ is our first example and my desire is for my LORD. If I will continue to focus on Christ and His unfailing love for me, I will be more able to show His love for others. In my marriage, I want my husband to feel my love for him. In my marriage with Christ I want my life to reflect my love for Him. This is why I try and please Him. It is not to win my salvation, but to show Him how much I appreciate everything that He has done for me. I gladly serve others so that Christ's love for them can be known through me. Every day I must ask myself, "Did someone feel the love of Christ because of my actions today?" Am I a disciple of Christ, or am I just another person who claims to be a Christian?
Luke 14:25-35, "Anyone who comes to me but refuses to let go of father, mother, spouse, children, brothers, sisters—yes, even one's own self!—can't be my disciple. Anyone who won't shoulder his own cross and follow behind me can't be my disciple." You see this is what Jason did for me; he let go of himself and through this selfless act I was able to see Christ. In order to be His true disciple, I must first put aside my own desires and see what He is asking me to do. What He desires of all of us, is to allow others to see Him through how we treat each other. This is the call He has placed on our lives, to let others see Him. In order for us to allow others to see Christ in us, we must first be able to see who we are and who He is, so that He can transform our every desire. Jason let go of himself and of his desires for his wife, in order to show me who He was. (Eph 5:25) As my husband, Jason fulfilled his role as a disciple of Christ. He laid aside his own desires and started serving me. In his servant attitude, I found respect for him as my husband, and through this I was able to feel the love of Christ. It was during this time that I was able to fall madly in love with my husband, and with my LORD.
Now that I understand a little better what Christ feels for me, I am better equipped to go out and show Christ to others. This does not mean that we ever get it all right, but the important thing is that Christ is our first example and my desire is for my LORD. If I will continue to focus on Christ and His unfailing love for me, I will be more able to show His love for others. In my marriage, I want my husband to feel my love for him. In my marriage with Christ I want my life to reflect my love for Him. This is why I try and please Him. It is not to win my salvation, but to show Him how much I appreciate everything that He has done for me. I gladly serve others so that Christ's love for them can be known through me. Every day I must ask myself, "Did someone feel the love of Christ because of my actions today?" Am I a disciple of Christ, or am I just another person who claims to be a Christian?
Monday, May 4, 2009
Learning to Listen
2 Chronicles 23-26, While Joash had Jehoiada, the priest, to guide him, he did well. He knew how to listen and take the advice from another person, but as soon as Jehoiada died, Joash turned from God. He was easily swayed because he did not know how to listen to God, but to man. He never developed a personal relationship with the LORD, and because of this he had no idea about what was right and wrong in the sight of the LORD. Amaziah is another king who did not listen to good advice, but chose to go against God instead. Amaziah started off on the right path, but soon turned against God. He allowed pride and his own desires to get in the way and turned down the wise advise of others. "Joash was seven years old when he became king... Joash did what was pleasing in the LORD's sight throughout the lifetime of Jehoiada...But after Jehoiada's death, the leaders of Judah came and persuaded the king to listen to their advise... The LORD sent prophets to bring them back to Him, but the people would not listen... Amaziah was twenty-five years old when he became king... Amaziah did what was pleasing in the LORD's sight, but not wholeheartedly."
As I read about the different kings and apply their lives to mine, it amazes me how similarly I have lived my own life. Just like Joash, as long as I had the right people around me, I did pretty good. And just like Amaziah, I did the right thing for a short time, but then I took credit for my success and turned away from God. As I try and help others and as I raise my own children, it is very difficult to not want to tell them exactly what to do and not to do. I almost want to force them, but just like me, we all have our own way of learning things. With my boys, I tell them what can happen if they do certain things, but I must let go and let them experience the consequences of their own decisions. I want them to learn now before the consequences get very hard. We have two college girls living with us and even with them I want to make all of their choices for them. But with my boy and with the girls, they have to learn how to listen to advise and discern what is best. Then we must live with our decisions, good and bad.
This is the hard part, learning how to take the good advise and put away our own desires. Through my years of choosing the wrong path and being determined to do things my own way, I have learned to listen to other people. I know instantly when I am wanting to do things my own way, or if I truly want to do things God's way. If I am determined to do things my way, I will not seek the advise of others. I will do it my way, then talk about it afterwards. Otherwise, I always, at least, talk to my husband about the issue first. In order to be able to get the right advise, we need to be sure that we first learn how to hear God's advise. I love to get the advise from others, because in opening myself up to people, I open myself up to God. Sometimes in listening to others, I can hear God telling me to do the opposite, but the secret is being willing to listen. In this, I am allowing God to speak. In everything that I hear, I must ask myself; How is God speaking to you? Are you wanting to do the right thing, or are you just wanting to do your own thing? Learn to listen to the LORD. Learn to take the wise advise of others that God has given you. Learn to decipher who is speaking from God and who is not. True wisdom starts with surrounding yourself with the right people.
"What is gained from a moment of Passion is only perceived; What is lost is real and permanent."
As I read about the different kings and apply their lives to mine, it amazes me how similarly I have lived my own life. Just like Joash, as long as I had the right people around me, I did pretty good. And just like Amaziah, I did the right thing for a short time, but then I took credit for my success and turned away from God. As I try and help others and as I raise my own children, it is very difficult to not want to tell them exactly what to do and not to do. I almost want to force them, but just like me, we all have our own way of learning things. With my boys, I tell them what can happen if they do certain things, but I must let go and let them experience the consequences of their own decisions. I want them to learn now before the consequences get very hard. We have two college girls living with us and even with them I want to make all of their choices for them. But with my boy and with the girls, they have to learn how to listen to advise and discern what is best. Then we must live with our decisions, good and bad.
This is the hard part, learning how to take the good advise and put away our own desires. Through my years of choosing the wrong path and being determined to do things my own way, I have learned to listen to other people. I know instantly when I am wanting to do things my own way, or if I truly want to do things God's way. If I am determined to do things my way, I will not seek the advise of others. I will do it my way, then talk about it afterwards. Otherwise, I always, at least, talk to my husband about the issue first. In order to be able to get the right advise, we need to be sure that we first learn how to hear God's advise. I love to get the advise from others, because in opening myself up to people, I open myself up to God. Sometimes in listening to others, I can hear God telling me to do the opposite, but the secret is being willing to listen. In this, I am allowing God to speak. In everything that I hear, I must ask myself; How is God speaking to you? Are you wanting to do the right thing, or are you just wanting to do your own thing? Learn to listen to the LORD. Learn to take the wise advise of others that God has given you. Learn to decipher who is speaking from God and who is not. True wisdom starts with surrounding yourself with the right people.
"What is gained from a moment of Passion is only perceived; What is lost is real and permanent."
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