Dark Waters run Deep

I just got a Facebook account. Boy, has this brought back a flood of memories. My college days and first marriage are staring me in the face. We had such a blast in college, with the band. It was so much fun...It got so out of control. We were living "the life." Partying all of the time and not a guilt in the world to worry about, until the bottom fell out. It was when the band broke up and we moved to Corpus Christi, that things went very wrong. Oh, but looking back at the old days, the boys playing on the stage, the fun that we had; it is hard to believe that we through all of that away. My ex husband and I turned to the drugs more than to our friends. The dark waters that we were swimming in ran so deep through our veins that we could not see the destruction that was laying in wait. Right in front of us. The regrets that torment my spirit right now. The regrets of not being strong enough. The regrets of not being the one who knew when to say no. Instead I would have to say that I was the weakest of us all. The guilt that can so easily overwhelm me is relentless.

Do you hear that I regret the life that I have now? I do not. I live a life that I could have never dreamed of, but it is those stupid things that should not have ever happened. Those are the things that I regret. I live often in my memories of my college days and life with my ex husband. I think it is because I am surrounded by college girls, we have two living with us. How can I not think about my college years and just where everything went so wrong? I see the things that the different girls are doing and wonder, just where did I go so wrong? I think it started at the beginning. The start, when we were just having fun and no one was really getting hurt from any of it. Honestly, I think that I hurt myself more than anyone else ever could have. I speak often of my past, not because I am living in it, but because I don't want others to hurt as bad as I have.

Hebrews 2:1-3, "So we must listen very carefully to the truth we have heard, or we may drift away from it. For the message God delivered through angels has always stood firm, and every violation of the law and every act of disobedience was punished. So what makes us think we can escape if we ignore this great salvation that was first announced by the Lord Jesus himself and then delivered to us by those who heard him speak?" Do you hear me, sweet girls? Be careful with your lives. Those mistakes that you make when you are young, never leave your memory. I cannot live in the past, I don't live in the past. But this is where my testimony lives; where I came from to where He has placed me now! Hebrews 3, "Make sure that your own hearts are not evil and unbelieving, turning you away from the living God. You must warn each other every day, while it is still “today,” so that none of you will be deceived by sin and hardened against God... 'Today when you hear his voice, don’t harden your hearts...'"

Do you hear Him speaking to you? Does any of this help you? Do you hear Him calling you home? Those stupid little things that you think now are no big deal, may one day be very big aches in your heart. Think about what you are doing today...It does have an effect on your tomorrow. To quote my friend, "We all have bad, sad things from that time during our lives--but we're not alone in that--it's just nice to be where we are now and realize that God is still faithful!!" How thankful I am for my life now. How I cherish my family and my friends. Everyone has to find their way with God, I just pray that some of my experiences can help...