New Song, New Day

Psalm 66, "Shout with joy to God, all the earth! Sing the glory of His name; make His praise glorious! Say to God, "How awesome are Your deeds! So great is Your power...Come and see what God has done, how awesome His works in man's behalf!... Praise our God, O peoples, let the sound of His praise be heard; He has preserved our lives and kept our feet from slipping. For You, O God, tested us; You refined us like silver.... Come and listen, all you who fear God; let me tell you what He has done for me. I cried out to Him with my mouth; His praise was on my tongue. If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened; but God has surely listened and heard my voice in prayer. Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld His love from me!"

Ahh, what a glorious song to sing with a fresh new day. I have spent the past couple of days swimming in the dark waters of my past. I have been on my knees in tears, searching my heart and my soul, asking God for answers. Last night Jason and I were in deep conversation about all that has happened. He asked me a question that I had been playing with, but it never fully materialized until last night. "If I could, would I change where I am now, for what could have been?" Honestly, my answer is, no. God has placed me in the perfect place, and given me more than I could have ever dreamed of, on my own. I have regrets, my heart breaks when I think of all of the awful things that I have done. But, would I erase any of it, in exchange for what I have now?...no. What I have done is to learn from my mistakes and vowed to never repeat any of it. I make mistakes and there have been times that I have repeated a small thing here or there, but to live the mistakes again; no.

Here is what I mean; I married a certain kind of man, the first time, then a totally different kind of man the next. I learned from my first marriage. Instead of repeating the same decision twice, I went the opposite direction. Instead of going with my own desires, I did what God was asking me to do. He has greatly blessed me for following Him. I can see how people get multiple divorces, they are not changing their ways. It was not my ex husband's fault that I did what I did. I had to look at myself and change my ways. I had to uncover the secret sins in my own heart, so that I could learn from them and not repeat them.

Each of us need to look at our on life and see what is hidden within our own hearts. If we live blaming others for our decisions, then we are doomed to repeat them. I am in control of my life, whether I want to acknowledge this or not. The easiest way to learn, is to learn from other people. Jason is a man who watches other people and learns from their mistakes. He has wounds, but not nearly as penetrating as mine. I stubbornly chose to live my life the way that I wanted to live it. The wounds that I gave myself are now very deep. God has healed me and allowed me to live a wonderful life, in spite of my stubbornness, but the wounds are still there. What is important is that I have learned from my mistakes and look at them through the eyes of reality. What life choices have you made? Are you experiencing the same heartache over and over again? If so, what is it that you have not admitted to yet? Open your heart to God. He will allow you to see your sins, then He can change your life.