Disciple

When I first came to Gunnison, I was running away from my life. I was running from a life of hurt and pain. I was running from myself and desperately trying to find out what I was supposed to do next. Even though I was still lost in the dark world of addictions, I was desperately trying to change my life. I was tired of hurting and I wanted to live a life worthy of living. But here is the catch, I did not want to rely on anyone. I knew I needed His help, but I did not want the help of anyone else, especially a man. One month after I left my ex-husband and came here, He gave me Jason. It was through this man that I finally discovered the love and devotion of Christ. It was through the arms of my husband that I finally felt the strength of Christ. I am not saying that I needed to get married so that I could change my life and stop struggling with my problems. This is the reason that I got married the first time, and trust me, it did not work. But, it was through the unconditional love of this man that Christ was finally revealed to me.

Luke 14:25-35, "Anyone who comes to me but refuses to let go of father, mother, spouse, children, brothers, sisters—yes, even one's own self!—can't be my disciple. Anyone who won't shoulder his own cross and follow behind me can't be my disciple." You see this is what Jason did for me; he let go of himself and through this selfless act I was able to see Christ. In order to be His true disciple, I must first put aside my own desires and see what He is asking me to do. What He desires of all of us, is to allow others to see Him through how we treat each other. This is the call He has placed on our lives, to let others see Him. In order for us to allow others to see Christ in us, we must first be able to see who we are and who He is, so that He can transform our every desire. Jason let go of himself and of his desires for his wife, in order to show me who He was. (Eph 5:25) As my husband, Jason fulfilled his role as a disciple of Christ. He laid aside his own desires and started serving me. In his servant attitude, I found respect for him as my husband, and through this I was able to feel the love of Christ. It was during this time that I was able to fall madly in love with my husband, and with my LORD.

Now that I understand a little better what Christ feels for me, I am better equipped to go out and show Christ to others. This does not mean that we ever get it all right, but the important thing is that Christ is our first example and my desire is for my LORD. If I will continue to focus on Christ and His unfailing love for me, I will be more able to show His love for others. In my marriage, I want my husband to feel my love for him. In my marriage with Christ I want my life to reflect my love for Him. This is why I try and please Him. It is not to win my salvation, but to show Him how much I appreciate everything that He has done for me. I gladly serve others so that Christ's love for them can be known through me. Every day I must ask myself, "Did someone feel the love of Christ because of my actions today?" Am I a disciple of Christ, or am I just another person who claims to be a Christian?