Spoken Words

Eric is my first born son. He is a gift from God in prayers answered exactly the opposite from how I asked. Let me take you back a ways. When I was pregnant with my first baby, I didn't find out the sex. I was so afraid that if I found out it was a boy, I wouldn't love or want him. You see I hated men. I had seen the side of men that made my stomach sick and I had no want in raising one. So the entire time that I was pregnant, I prayed that God would give me a girl. I did not know if I could raise a boy. I just knew that I would either ruin him, or I don't know, I just feared the worst. On July 2nd my prayers were answered, exactly like I needed them answered and Eric was born. At the time I felt God had betrayed me and He didn't understand that I was not the right person for this assignment. How wrong I was; How right God is.

I began loving that boy, like I had never loved anyone before. I loved him so much, but still had so much animosity toward men. Eric was about 6 months old and we were on a road trip. I was going at men, bashing them left and right and how pathetic they all were. Jason stopped me; pointed in the back seat and said, "What you say about men, he will become." It was this day that my mouth was shut. What I was speaking, I was becoming. No man was being hurt or helped, but I was becoming a bitter, defeated woman. Isaiah 55:10-11, "As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth; It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it."

I was planting hate. I was going to reap what I was sowing. In the seed that I was planting, nothing good was ever going to grow. My mouth was closed and in closing my mouth to hate, my heart was beginning to heal. You see, we all struggle. I have my sins and you have yours. In focusing on others failures, we can never achieve our true goal. For all of us, that goal is fulfillment. A life full of satisfaction and peace. In focusing on others, I could not see myself and in not seeing myself, I was burying myself in my own misery. I had to shut my mouth to hate; look at myself, instead of others; truly turn to Christ so that He could show me what true living was like.

My heart is now soft. I have a special love of men that I will never be able to explain. I see how they have been hit harder than many women. Maybe not in the past, but we do not live in the past. We have told them that they are weak and pathetic. Now they are listening to our words and becoming what we have said with our mouths. Our society throws sex in their face; tells them to eat, then they are destroyed when they do. I know this is true, for I was this person. What words do you speak every day? Do you say that you will never be able to change? Do you speak hate and expect a good harvest? It will never happen. When we learn the power of speaking God's word, our lives can change. I was on a path of destruction, but now, because I no longer speak hate, my heart has changed. Because I took charge of my words, my boys now have the ability of becoming strong men. I have seen men who were torn because of the very words spoken about them. I have seen the strength of men and know just how truly awesome they are. What are you speaking?