Choose Life

Yesterday, was my 35th birthday. Tomorrow, I am attending a funeral for a sweet 15 yr old girl who committed suicide. My heart pains for her and her family. She couldn't see. She didn't know that one day it could all be different. It could have one day been better, but she didn't wait. Oh, the times I have wanted all the pain and suffering to end. The times when I have held a knife to my wrists, crying out for the pain to stop. How thankful I am that I gave life a chance. How thankful I am that God had another plan that I could not see, but because I ultimately chose life, He had a chance to change my life.

Psalm 139, "O Lord, You have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me. You place Your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!... You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are Your thoughts about me, O God."

How truly awesome is my God. Even though He knew everything I would do, He did not see me as a mistake. In His mighty power He gave me the freedom to choose and those choices often were the biggest mistakes of my life, but He let me choose. He lets us choose life or death. It is our choice, but I chose life. Then in His patience He waited for me to choose Him, so that He could give me true life. Yesterday, I turned 35 and I am loving the life that God chose for me after I finally allowed Him to rule my life. My path to Christ was a hard one, but I would not change anything about my past. If anything about my pain were ever changed, my love for my Lord would be changed as well. Sometimes the pain is so intense that you truly believe that in the morning you will not wake, or you beg not too. In His greatness, in His patience another day dawned and another chance at life was given. It takes time. His time is not ours and it is often our pain that opens our eyes so that we can finally live. If we give life a chance, if we will turn to Him, He can give us a new life.

Isaiah 12, "See, God has come to save me. I will trust in Him and not be afraid. The Lord God is my strength and my song; He has given me victory.' With joy you will drink deeply from the fountain of salvation! In that wonderful day you will sing: 'Thank the Lord! Praise His name! Tell the nations what He has done. Let them know how mighty He is! Sing to the Lord, for He has done wonderful things. Make known His praise around the world." How I love my life! How thankful I am that I did not die in my pain. How thankful I am that I gave life a chance, so that He could save my life. He knew everything I would ever do, and He chose me anyway. He knew everything I would say, and He loved me through it. He was with me through my pain. He never left me. He allowed everything in my life so that one day I could finally let Him love me. How I love my Lord. How He loves me...

Oswald Chambers, "If you become a necessity to someone else’s life, you are out of God’s will. As a servant, your primary responsibility is to be a 'friend of the bridegroom' (John 3:29 ). When you see a person who is close to grasping the claims of Jesus Christ, you know that your influence has been used in the right direction. And when you begin to see that person in the middle of a difficult and painful struggle, don’t try to prevent it, but pray that his difficulty will grow even ten times stronger, until no power on earth or in hell could hold him away from Jesus Christ. Over and over again, we try to be amateur providences in someone’s life. We are indeed amateurs, coming in and actually preventing God’s will and saying, 'This person should not have to experience this difficulty.' Instead of being friends of the Bridegroom, our sympathy gets in the way. One day that person will say to us, 'You are a thief; you stole my desire to follow Jesus, and because of you I lost sight of Him.'" Sometimes the pain is intense, but if we hold on to life we are giving Him a chance to change our life. I wouldn't change anything in my life, including my pain, for now I am in love. I am the bride of Christ, and I'm loving the life He has given me. I chose life and how thankful I am for my life...

http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/03/24/devotion.aspx?year=2010