Chasing Rabbits

"'As they followed they were afraid' —Mark 10:32

At the beginning of our life with Jesus Christ, we were sure we knew all there was to know about following Him. It was a delight to forsake everything else and to throw ourselves before Him in a fearless statement of love. But now we are not quite so sure. Jesus is far ahead of us and is beginning to seem different and unfamiliar— 'Jesus was going before them; and they were amazed' (Mark 10:32).

There is an aspect of Jesus that chills even a disciple’s heart to its depth and makes his entire spiritual life gasp for air. This unusual Person with His face set 'like a flint' (Isaiah 50:7) is walking with great determination ahead of me, and He strikes terror right through me. He no longer seems to be my Counselor and Friend and has a point of view about which I know nothing. All I can do is stand and stare at Him in amazement. At first I was confident that I understood Him, but now I am not so sure. I begin to realize that there is a distance between Jesus and me and I can no longer be intimate with Him. I have no idea where He is going, and the goal has become strangely distant.

Jesus Christ had to understand fully every sin and sorrow that human beings could experience, and that is what makes Him seem unfamiliar. When we see this aspect of Him, we realize we really don’t know Him. We don’t recognize even one characteristic of His life, and we don’t know how to begin to follow Him. He is far ahead of us, a Leader who seems totally unfamiliar, and we have no friendship with Him.

The discipline of dismay is an essential lesson which a disciple must learn. The danger is that we tend to look back on our times of obedience and on our past sacrifices to God in an effort to keep our enthusiasm for Him strong (see Isaiah 1:10-11). But when the darkness of dismay comes, endure until it is over, because out of it will come the ability to follow Jesus truly, which brings inexpressibly wonderful joy." (Oswald Chambers)

This is where I am currently. Many times though this new journey with Christ, I have been very confident in where He was taking me. Then other times, like now, I can become very insecure. Just the other day I was in Ouray with my family and had to step away from them in order to have some quiet so that I could set the day in focus. (I must start my day with Christ, otherwise I can be a monster.) I separated myself and went and sat on a bridge overlooking the river. I sat there and begged God to show me. Show me where I am supposed to go and what I was supposed to do next. "Please God, help me. I do not want to be chasing rabbits down a rabbit hole and miss what I have right in front of me. I do not want to be spending all this energy and time on something that is just leading me astray from what is truly important. I do not want to be striving for something that is not going to do anything, but to draw my attention away from my family. Help me to keep focus. Do not let me loose relationship with them and with You while I travel this path. Help me keep the moment in front of me as my focus while I try my best to obey You in the everyday."

Stepping out in obedience can be some of the hardest and most insecure times in our life. I do not want to look like a fool. I do not want to miss what God really has for me. I do not want to chase rabbits down a rabbit hole. I do not want to disobey, while trying to obey. It can become very confusing.

Then God sends me Oswald and I can hear Him speaking to me.... "Wait. Be patient. Just keep today as your focus and do your best today. You are not here to conquer the world. You are here to enjoy and have peace in this moment. You are here to love those I have given you. Tomorrow will take care of tomorrow. Work when I tell you to work and rest when I tell you to rest. Nothing may happen in others eyes, but you will be able to see Me more clearly. Show your children, today, how much I love them. Show your husband, today, how much I love him. It is in the moment that you will find My peace and love. I will take care of the big picture. You take care of the moment, while you walk in obedience to Me, today."