Security even in Death

There are so many things that I was not able to say to you when I was with you. On one hand, in my selfishness, I want you to be healed. I do not want you to go. But on the other, I know you are ready if you do. When I asked you if you were scare, you looked at me with confidence and said, "No, darling not at all." But, death is hard and it is something none of us are truly ready for. It is hard for me, because I am still here without you. But I want to thank you. Thank you for being so faithful. Thank you for giving me peace here. It is only because of your faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ that I can have peace in knowing Whose you are, when you are gone one day.

When my grandmother died, my mom had one regret. I felt that same regret when I left you the other day. Mom's regret was telling her to hold on till the others could get there and that they were coming. Later what she wanted to tell her mother was that she was so excited for her, for she was finally going Home. In my own want, I want to tell you to hold on. In my knowledge of where your destiny is, I want to tell you how excited I am for you if this is your time. You may soon be at true peace. If this is your time, your journey is just now about to begin!

My sweet friend,
Thank you for having your faith. This is all so selfish on my part, but thank you for giving me peace here, now. I can let you go if I have to, and not live in mourning when you do leave. I can do this all because of your faith. If there were no God and you were just gone, that would still be so sad. For then, all that would be left are my memories of you and when I am gone, then you would truly be gone too. If you had not been a believer and there is a God, that would be devastating for me and I would not be able to bear the thought. But, this is not the case at all. You are going Home. And I am so excited for you. When my grandmother died, we did not even really cry. I mean we were sad that we were no longer going to have her here, but we did not grieve her death. We rejoiced with her.

At the same time, I know how powerful our Lord is. I am still holding on to the fact that God could change His mind. "'Remember, LORD, how 'Daun' has walked before you faithfully and with wholehearted devotion and has done what is good in your eyes'...This is what the Lord says,'...I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will heal you... I will add fifteen years to your life'" (2 Kings 20) For me now, I am still holding on to the possibility that He can always change His mind. But if by chance, this is the last opportunity that I have, I am so excited for you. Thank you for giving me the wonderful memories that only you and I share. Thank you for helping me when I needed you the most. Most of all thank you for loving Christ, so that I can live here without you. When you do go Home, you will be reunited with your Husband. What wondrous joy. May He heal you. May He give you His peace. May He comfort you. I love you.