Meaning of Masculinity

"Lori's story is heartbreaking. A young woman in her twenties and newly married, she was never the delight of her husband's eyes. Instead, he encouraged her to work as a stripper so that he could watch other men gawk at her. He exchanged the privilege and joy of an intimate meaningful relationship with his wife for a despicable moment of false sensuality. This husband's heart, rather than good, was a staggering evil (see Matthew 12:35)." (Harry Schaumburg, "Undefiled: Redemption From Sexual Sin, Restoration for Broken Relationships")


Yesterday morning I was up early as usual and doing some reading. I was studying for L!VE, a college ministry I teach at every Tuesday night. My topic was "Meaning of Masculinity". I stumbled upon Harry's book, for he has a great definition of masculinity that I was searching for. However, in my study, I was stopped dead in my tracks. Some years ago Harry called me and asked my permission to use my story in his new book that he was writing at the time. I gave him my permission, but never did build up enough courage to actually buy it. Well, after reading this paragraph, I jumped up and abruptly bought the book. Right in front of me was my story, only my name had once again been changed.

All day yesterday, I pondered Harry's words. All day, I thought about the men that have been in my life. All day, I kept focusing on what "my" young men needed to hear. What is going to build them into masculine men? What am I going to say to them that will build them up and not shoot them down?


"For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body." (Ephesians 5:25-30)


Ah, my current husband, Jason. He is my perfect example. What is masculinity? It is a man who can walk into a chaotic situation and bring peace. He is a man who can stand still in the middle of a storm, look it in the face and Not back down. He has never had to try and prove to me that he is physically stronger than I, for his demeanor is confidence. He is Christ's representative to me. His strength has redeemed me. I was broken. I am now healed and whole.


As I look at these verses, as I look at my two marriages, I can see the true power of a man. I am their reflections in their mirror. One man was broken and wrecked by life, his reflection was what he did to his wife. The other man had faced many trials, some he had won, some he had lost, but once again the reflection of how he valued himself was seen in his wife. He has brought redemption into my life. He has washed me clean and helped me to feel the pure love of Christ. A masculine man is a man who is calm, confident (outwardly, even if on the inside he is panicking) consistent ... Ah, yes, Consistent! I can trust Jason, for I am never taken by surprise. He is consistent. If he is afraid of something, he tells me. He lets me know exactly where we are financially. He shares with me everything, hiding nothing, but in this I find security, for all of it is known. I know where we are and where we are going. It took both my husbands to teach me to value Jason's strengths, for I know the dark side of the moon. I love to dance in the embrace of my strong man. Even if things look daunting (and they have) I know I can trust him. And this is masculine.


My charge to you men who are married, take a good look at your wife. What do you see? Is she secure or is she broken? Deuteronomy 23:1 Grow some balls and meet your wife in her chaos, bring peace in her storm. For if you do not, "your prayers will be hindered." 1 Peter 3:7 You are called to be your families redeemer. God does not take this lightly and neither should you.


My charge to you younger men, start practicing now how you are wanting to be later. Take your role seriously as the men God made you to be. Stop looking at porn and selling your relationship with your future wife. I truly believe that Viagra's business is booming because of men's addiction to porn. For if you are addicted to this lethal drug of pornography your wife will never be able to satisfy you. Take it from me, my ex-husband could never be satisfied for "meaninglessness does not come from being weary of pain, but it comes from being weary of pleasure," (RZ). Face the storms of life now, so that you will be able to bring redemption to her then... for the chances of your wife coming to you in her brokenness is very high in our society. Can you stand the tests of this world now, so that you are ready to one day become your families redeemer?


My husband, Jason, has my complete and total respect. I love him and desire him like none other. I feel pure and clean, washed by his love and redemption. This is the meaning of masculinity...

Remember

What sort of things do you remember? Are they the happy times? Do you remember only the hard times that made you cry? If you've been divorced, do you remember only what they did to wrong you? When you remember your childhood, do you remember only the times when you felt alone and crying? So often people will tell you, "Don't think about that. Just forget the past." Many (I) may at times quote a scripture vs to encourage this... Philippians 3:13, "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead..." We do this, but is this what God is really asking of us? Can we really find healing by forgetting?


In Nehemiah 9, the people were called to remember. They mourned for how they had turned from God. They cried, dressed in sackcloth, called to remember their pain, then things change. The Priests said, “Stand up and praise the Lord your God, for He lives from everlasting to everlasting! ...You (God) saw the misery...You have a glorious reputation that has never been forgotten... in your great mercy you did not abandon them to die in the wilderness... in their time of trouble they cried to you, and you heard them from heaven. In your great mercy, you sent them liberators who rescued them from their enemies." We are called to remember. We are called to remember how He never leaves us... we leave Him. Time and time again the people left and did other things, but each time they called out to Him in distress He gladly came to their rescue.


Our memories are there to help us live better than we did before. So often the problem is that instead of learning from our mistakes, we just keep making the same choices over and over again. I know of people who have been in a bad marriage. They get a divorce and then end up in the exact same situation again, just a different partner. How is this? Same mistake, just has a different name.

When I was taken out of my previous marriage (I wasn't even smart enough to rescue myself, my family had to drag me out). After one month went by, I found myself at brief Intensive counseling Stone Gate (at the time it was located in Colorado.) During my stay there, I saw myself as a victim and blamed everything on my ex-husband. During my time there, I was forced to look at the truth within myself and see that I was not a victim, but had actually been making my own bed. I was forced to focus on me and on God alone. I had nothing else, just the two of us.... alone!


Sometimes our healing comes in the darkest times when we are hurting the most. This is when we are broken enough to accept whatever is coming. If it is death, we say come and get me. If it is pain we turn over and take it. We have no fight left and we give up. With God, there is never an ending, but only a beautiful beginning. With God, He says, "Now that you have finally turned this over to me, Watch! I will Amaze you."


Our memories are a gift. They are given to us so that we can live a better life. They are given to us so that we can make better choices than we did yesterday. They are given to us so that we can enjoy today! We are not called to live in sackcloth mourning our past, but to live in joy!


There is an "old Greek story of Charon who was the boatman who took the dead across the River Styx. He reminded a poor woman that she had the right to drink of the Waters of Lethe that would make her forget everything about the life she was leaving. She was keen to drink, saying, 'I will forget how I have suffered.' Charon told her, 'Remember too that you will forget how you rejoiced.' She said, 'I will forget my failures,' and he said, 'And your victories as well.' She went on, 'I'll forget how I was hated' and he reminded her, 'You'll forget you were loved.' She thought it over and decided she wouldn't drink." (Dragon Slayer, by Jim McGuiggan)


We have not been cursed by this life. Each day is a blessing. Today is our only chance at this day. It is a gift and it is up to us to make this one a good one. I cannot mourn over my yesterday, but I can use it by learning from it and not making the same choice for my today.

2 Chronicles 20, Jehoshaphat prays to God. In his prayer he is reminded that He hears our needs and the He is in control of history... When it says, He is in control of history- it is only in hindsight that we can see He was with us while... If we keep our eyes upon Him while, when we look back we can see Him during. He is in control of history... Remember