Meaning of Masculinity

"Lori's story is heartbreaking. A young woman in her twenties and newly married, she was never the delight of her husband's eyes. Instead, he encouraged her to work as a stripper so that he could watch other men gawk at her. He exchanged the privilege and joy of an intimate meaningful relationship with his wife for a despicable moment of false sensuality. This husband's heart, rather than good, was a staggering evil (see Matthew 12:35)." (Harry Schaumburg, "Undefiled: Redemption From Sexual Sin, Restoration for Broken Relationships")


Yesterday morning I was up early as usual and doing some reading. I was studying for L!VE, a college ministry I teach at every Tuesday night. My topic was "Meaning of Masculinity". I stumbled upon Harry's book, for he has a great definition of masculinity that I was searching for. However, in my study, I was stopped dead in my tracks. Some years ago Harry called me and asked my permission to use my story in his new book that he was writing at the time. I gave him my permission, but never did build up enough courage to actually buy it. Well, after reading this paragraph, I jumped up and abruptly bought the book. Right in front of me was my story, only my name had once again been changed.

All day yesterday, I pondered Harry's words. All day, I thought about the men that have been in my life. All day, I kept focusing on what "my" young men needed to hear. What is going to build them into masculine men? What am I going to say to them that will build them up and not shoot them down?


"For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body." (Ephesians 5:25-30)


Ah, my current husband, Jason. He is my perfect example. What is masculinity? It is a man who can walk into a chaotic situation and bring peace. He is a man who can stand still in the middle of a storm, look it in the face and Not back down. He has never had to try and prove to me that he is physically stronger than I, for his demeanor is confidence. He is Christ's representative to me. His strength has redeemed me. I was broken. I am now healed and whole.


As I look at these verses, as I look at my two marriages, I can see the true power of a man. I am their reflections in their mirror. One man was broken and wrecked by life, his reflection was what he did to his wife. The other man had faced many trials, some he had won, some he had lost, but once again the reflection of how he valued himself was seen in his wife. He has brought redemption into my life. He has washed me clean and helped me to feel the pure love of Christ. A masculine man is a man who is calm, confident (outwardly, even if on the inside he is panicking) consistent ... Ah, yes, Consistent! I can trust Jason, for I am never taken by surprise. He is consistent. If he is afraid of something, he tells me. He lets me know exactly where we are financially. He shares with me everything, hiding nothing, but in this I find security, for all of it is known. I know where we are and where we are going. It took both my husbands to teach me to value Jason's strengths, for I know the dark side of the moon. I love to dance in the embrace of my strong man. Even if things look daunting (and they have) I know I can trust him. And this is masculine.


My charge to you men who are married, take a good look at your wife. What do you see? Is she secure or is she broken? Deuteronomy 23:1 Grow some balls and meet your wife in her chaos, bring peace in her storm. For if you do not, "your prayers will be hindered." 1 Peter 3:7 You are called to be your families redeemer. God does not take this lightly and neither should you.


My charge to you younger men, start practicing now how you are wanting to be later. Take your role seriously as the men God made you to be. Stop looking at porn and selling your relationship with your future wife. I truly believe that Viagra's business is booming because of men's addiction to porn. For if you are addicted to this lethal drug of pornography your wife will never be able to satisfy you. Take it from me, my ex-husband could never be satisfied for "meaninglessness does not come from being weary of pain, but it comes from being weary of pleasure," (RZ). Face the storms of life now, so that you will be able to bring redemption to her then... for the chances of your wife coming to you in her brokenness is very high in our society. Can you stand the tests of this world now, so that you are ready to one day become your families redeemer?


My husband, Jason, has my complete and total respect. I love him and desire him like none other. I feel pure and clean, washed by his love and redemption. This is the meaning of masculinity...