"Lori's story is heartbreaking. A young woman in her twenties and newly married, she was never the delight of her husband's eyes. Instead, he encouraged her to work as a stripper so that he could watch other men gawk at her. He exchanged the privilege and joy of an intimate meaningful relationship with his wife for a despicable moment of false sensuality. This husband's heart, rather than good, was a staggering evil (see Matthew 12:35)." (Harry Schaumburg, "Undefiled: Redemption From Sexual Sin, Restoration for Broken Relationships")
Yesterday morning I was up early as usual and doing some reading. I was studying for L!VE, a college ministry I teach at every Tuesday night. My topic was "Meaning of Masculinity". I stumbled upon Harry's book, for he has a great definition of masculinity that I was searching for. However, in my study, I was stopped dead in my tracks. Some years ago Harry called me and asked my permission to use my story in his new book that he was writing at the time. I gave him my permission, but never did build up enough courage to actually buy it. Well, after reading this paragraph, I jumped up and abruptly bought the book. Right in front of me was my story, only my name had once again been changed.
All day yesterday, I pondered Harry's words. All day, I thought about the men that have been in my life. All day, I kept focusing on what "my" young men needed to hear. What is going to build them into masculine men? What am I going to say to them that will build them up and not shoot them down?
"For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body." (Ephesians 5:25-30)
Ah, my current husband, Jason. He is my perfect example. What is masculinity? It is a man who can walk into a chaotic situation and bring peace. He is a man who can stand still in the middle of a storm, look it in the face and Not back down. He has never had to try and prove to me that he is physically stronger than I, for his demeanor is confidence. He is Christ's representative to me. His strength has redeemed me. I was broken. I am now healed and whole.
As I look at these verses, as I look at my two marriages, I can see the true power of a man. I am their reflections in their mirror. One man was broken and wrecked by life, his reflection was what he did to his wife. The other man had faced many trials, some he had won, some he had lost, but once again the reflection of how he valued himself was seen in his wife. He has brought redemption into my life. He has washed me clean and helped me to feel the pure love of Christ. A masculine man is a man who is calm, confident (outwardly, even if on the inside he is panicking) consistent ... Ah, yes, Consistent! I can trust Jason, for I am never taken by surprise. He is consistent. If he is afraid of something, he tells me. He lets me know exactly where we are financially. He shares with me everything, hiding nothing, but in this I find security, for all of it is known. I know where we are and where we are going. It took both my husbands to teach me to value Jason's strengths, for I know the dark side of the moon. I love to dance in the embrace of my strong man. Even if things look daunting (and they have) I know I can trust him. And this is masculine.
My charge to you men who are married, take a good look at your wife. What do you see? Is she secure or is she broken? Deuteronomy 23:1 Grow some balls and meet your wife in her chaos, bring peace in her storm. For if you do not, "your prayers will be hindered." 1 Peter 3:7 You are called to be your families redeemer. God does not take this lightly and neither should you.
My charge to you younger men, start practicing now how you are wanting to be later. Take your role seriously as the men God made you to be. Stop looking at porn and selling your relationship with your future wife. I truly believe that Viagra's business is booming because of men's addiction to porn. For if you are addicted to this lethal drug of pornography your wife will never be able to satisfy you. Take it from me, my ex-husband could never be satisfied for "meaninglessness does not come from being weary of pain, but it comes from being weary of pleasure," (RZ). Face the storms of life now, so that you will be able to bring redemption to her then... for the chances of your wife coming to you in her brokenness is very high in our society. Can you stand the tests of this world now, so that you are ready to one day become your families redeemer?
My husband, Jason, has my complete and total respect. I love him and desire him like none other. I feel pure and clean, washed by his love and redemption. This is the meaning of masculinity...
Showing posts with label pornography. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pornography. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Bereft of Shame
Michelangelo's teacher asked him, "Why are you painting nude pictures of people?" Michel's answer, "I want to see man as God sees man." Teacher, "Michel, you are not God."
My husband is a real estate broker and when my oldest son was, I think, 3 years old we went to a house that had a plethora of art. As we were driving up the drive to the house we were greeted with Greek statues. We all went with my husband into the house to look at the house and all that it had. I immediately regretted my decision to join him when we started to walk up the stairs of this amazing home. I was going to try and avoid taking with my son about what he was seeing, but he would not stop. He kept asking me. "Why don't they have any clothes on?" This whole experience was something that I was not prepared for.
Now that several years are passed, I am faced with more of a delima. How do I explain to my son that images on a computer screen of nude people is pornography, but a painting of the same image done by an artist, is art? What is the difference? Some may argue, "It is the intent of the one who is putting that image to paper. If the intent is to arouse sexual pleasure then it is pornography, but if it is to show beauty then it is art." This may be well and fine for the one painting the picture, but what about the others who will view it? Does the one who is painting have no responsibly for my son's response?
When I was in the fourth grade, I stumbled upon some Pent House magazines. What those images did to me as a young girl were enough to start me down a pathway I wish for no one. What is the difference in what we call art and what is pornography? It cannot all be left in the hand of the composer and what their intent was when they designed the "art." We are called to see what we may be doing to others. Even if what we are doing is not wrong in our own hearts and we have a clear conscience about it, we are called not to make others stumble.
I am not saying that we have to live our lives in fear of what everyone else is doing, but art, this one is a big one. For our foundations are being destroyed and our children are hanging in the noose. "When secularism has had its way, we will be left with a society bereft of shame,"(RZ).
When you see a painting of a nude woman, do we think of the heart that was hindered as she was putting herself out for all the artists around her to paint? When you see a woman on the internet, or in Play Boy magazine, do you see what it has done to her? Is there a difference? Those who look at the image in front of them, do they see a difference?
In our world today, I feel like I am fighting a no win battle for my children's eyes and their hearts. Everyone is trying to separate what is art and what is pornography, but how it affect them, how it affects my children, that is the same. When art has had its way, we will be left with a society bereft of shame. From the movies we watch, to the paintings on the wall, our children are standing at the gallows, while the artists paintbrush is dipped in their blood.
My husband is a real estate broker and when my oldest son was, I think, 3 years old we went to a house that had a plethora of art. As we were driving up the drive to the house we were greeted with Greek statues. We all went with my husband into the house to look at the house and all that it had. I immediately regretted my decision to join him when we started to walk up the stairs of this amazing home. I was going to try and avoid taking with my son about what he was seeing, but he would not stop. He kept asking me. "Why don't they have any clothes on?" This whole experience was something that I was not prepared for.
Now that several years are passed, I am faced with more of a delima. How do I explain to my son that images on a computer screen of nude people is pornography, but a painting of the same image done by an artist, is art? What is the difference? Some may argue, "It is the intent of the one who is putting that image to paper. If the intent is to arouse sexual pleasure then it is pornography, but if it is to show beauty then it is art." This may be well and fine for the one painting the picture, but what about the others who will view it? Does the one who is painting have no responsibly for my son's response?
When I was in the fourth grade, I stumbled upon some Pent House magazines. What those images did to me as a young girl were enough to start me down a pathway I wish for no one. What is the difference in what we call art and what is pornography? It cannot all be left in the hand of the composer and what their intent was when they designed the "art." We are called to see what we may be doing to others. Even if what we are doing is not wrong in our own hearts and we have a clear conscience about it, we are called not to make others stumble.
I am not saying that we have to live our lives in fear of what everyone else is doing, but art, this one is a big one. For our foundations are being destroyed and our children are hanging in the noose. "When secularism has had its way, we will be left with a society bereft of shame,"(RZ).
When you see a painting of a nude woman, do we think of the heart that was hindered as she was putting herself out for all the artists around her to paint? When you see a woman on the internet, or in Play Boy magazine, do you see what it has done to her? Is there a difference? Those who look at the image in front of them, do they see a difference?
In our world today, I feel like I am fighting a no win battle for my children's eyes and their hearts. Everyone is trying to separate what is art and what is pornography, but how it affect them, how it affects my children, that is the same. When art has had its way, we will be left with a society bereft of shame. From the movies we watch, to the paintings on the wall, our children are standing at the gallows, while the artists paintbrush is dipped in their blood.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Teens and Sex
Proverbs 4:23, "Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life." (NLT)
How can you watch TV or listen to music, without thinking about sex? I cannot imagine what it would be like growing up in this society today, where you cannot even listen to music without thinking of the video that plays in your mind. Our kids are on the front lines of the battle and we as adults are standing on the sideline watching as our kids are fighting alone. Some people may have problems with me speaking to the kids about sex during our high school lunches. Some may think that I share too much and that I should not be telling the kids that I used to be a stripper, or the other realities of my past life. But I cannot help it, I have to put my own life on the line for these kids who are being bombarded every day with the illusions and lies of the world. Out of courtesy to the parents, I feel I need them to hear as well.
Sophia's Kitchen: We have spent this entire year focusing on sex as we have talked with the girls. It is a big issue and we only have a few minutes to talk with them. We started out with our heroes. Those women who have gone before, who were married like Christ intended, untouched. We shared with the girls the triumphal entry into a life without the major regrets of sexual sin. While they were young, these women stood against the desire to fit in with others around them and to guard their bodies. They have lived very cool lives! One of our heroes travelled throughout Europe and started her own business before she dated at all. She found her identity, before she committed to marriage. Another hero is a cool snowboarding beauty. As her now husband proposed to her she had to take off her purity ring to put on her engagement ring. As she did this, the realities of what she had been fighting for hit her and she handed him her purity ring with the most beautiful words, "This is for you!" We started with the heroes who fought the fight while they were young, but then we moved to the stories of redemption. I have told my story, but it has not been to glamorise my past, but to tell of the wonderful saviour who can bring purity to those who no longer feel pure. We needed to be able to speak to all of our girls and leave none out.
Hoodlum Lunch: I spoke to the boys about pornography and the addiction they are faced with every day. I did not plant any seeds in their minds that would make them fall, but I told the truth about what the media sells as a lie. It is important for them to hear how this makes a woman feel. You hear many wives speak about the heartache they find when their husband struggles with pornography. The heartache comes from God, for He made us for our husbands. When men struggle with looking at other women, it makes us feel like less of a woman. I had to open up to the boys in order for them to hear me. I was a woman that could not please my ex-husband because of his pornography. I have seen the destruction of it first hand. “Meaninglessness does not come from being weary of pain. It comes from being weary of pleasure.” (RZ) A masculine man will help others around him to be more pure. A macho man will think that his next sexual experience is a conquest, and that is what makes him great.
We seem to think that we cannot talk to our kids about the realities of sex. We think that if we do not talk about it, then it is not real. They are in a fight, and the fight is for their hearts. Many of them have porn on their phones. As they watch TV, even the commercials are filled with sex. The songs they listen to are no longer just songs, but as they listen the video is played in their minds. Our girls are being taught that they need to be the aggressor. Our boys are addicted to pornography before they even reach puberty. One of my college girls, I have many, was raped last year when she got drunk at a party and passed out. The boy who committed the dreadful act said in one of his college classes, "If a girl gets drunk and passes out, it is her own fault." No remorse. No hiding what he had done. This is what our boys are being taught. This is what our girls are being reduced to. We are in a fight for their hearts, for their lives. It is not a joke! It is not to be dismissed in the hopes that it will all go away. It is here and we are in a fight for our kid's lives.
How can you watch TV or listen to music, without thinking about sex? I cannot imagine what it would be like growing up in this society today, where you cannot even listen to music without thinking of the video that plays in your mind. Our kids are on the front lines of the battle and we as adults are standing on the sideline watching as our kids are fighting alone. Some people may have problems with me speaking to the kids about sex during our high school lunches. Some may think that I share too much and that I should not be telling the kids that I used to be a stripper, or the other realities of my past life. But I cannot help it, I have to put my own life on the line for these kids who are being bombarded every day with the illusions and lies of the world. Out of courtesy to the parents, I feel I need them to hear as well.
Sophia's Kitchen: We have spent this entire year focusing on sex as we have talked with the girls. It is a big issue and we only have a few minutes to talk with them. We started out with our heroes. Those women who have gone before, who were married like Christ intended, untouched. We shared with the girls the triumphal entry into a life without the major regrets of sexual sin. While they were young, these women stood against the desire to fit in with others around them and to guard their bodies. They have lived very cool lives! One of our heroes travelled throughout Europe and started her own business before she dated at all. She found her identity, before she committed to marriage. Another hero is a cool snowboarding beauty. As her now husband proposed to her she had to take off her purity ring to put on her engagement ring. As she did this, the realities of what she had been fighting for hit her and she handed him her purity ring with the most beautiful words, "This is for you!" We started with the heroes who fought the fight while they were young, but then we moved to the stories of redemption. I have told my story, but it has not been to glamorise my past, but to tell of the wonderful saviour who can bring purity to those who no longer feel pure. We needed to be able to speak to all of our girls and leave none out.
Hoodlum Lunch: I spoke to the boys about pornography and the addiction they are faced with every day. I did not plant any seeds in their minds that would make them fall, but I told the truth about what the media sells as a lie. It is important for them to hear how this makes a woman feel. You hear many wives speak about the heartache they find when their husband struggles with pornography. The heartache comes from God, for He made us for our husbands. When men struggle with looking at other women, it makes us feel like less of a woman. I had to open up to the boys in order for them to hear me. I was a woman that could not please my ex-husband because of his pornography. I have seen the destruction of it first hand. “Meaninglessness does not come from being weary of pain. It comes from being weary of pleasure.” (RZ) A masculine man will help others around him to be more pure. A macho man will think that his next sexual experience is a conquest, and that is what makes him great.
We seem to think that we cannot talk to our kids about the realities of sex. We think that if we do not talk about it, then it is not real. They are in a fight, and the fight is for their hearts. Many of them have porn on their phones. As they watch TV, even the commercials are filled with sex. The songs they listen to are no longer just songs, but as they listen the video is played in their minds. Our girls are being taught that they need to be the aggressor. Our boys are addicted to pornography before they even reach puberty. One of my college girls, I have many, was raped last year when she got drunk at a party and passed out. The boy who committed the dreadful act said in one of his college classes, "If a girl gets drunk and passes out, it is her own fault." No remorse. No hiding what he had done. This is what our boys are being taught. This is what our girls are being reduced to. We are in a fight for their hearts, for their lives. It is not a joke! It is not to be dismissed in the hopes that it will all go away. It is here and we are in a fight for our kid's lives.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Remembering When
Remembering where I came from...
I always wanted to get married. I had a desire to make things right and I thought that if I were to get married, then all of my troubles would be solved. I was fifteen when I lost my virginity and it was then that I knew I needed help. I spent the next seven years trying to fit my desire to get married on to any and every guy that came my way. I did not care what kind of guy he was. Actually, most of the time I preferred the kind of guy that sort of scared me. I liked the thrill of the moment and for some reason, because he scared me, I felt safe in his arms. My seven years were spent trying to find a husband. So, at twenty-two I ran off to Los Vegas and got married to the guy that I had been dating for one year. Being married to him did not solve my problems at all. In fact, it multiplied them.
I was always running to the wrong thing to save me. I was always looking to a guy to fill that deep wound in my heart. I thought that being married would solve my problems. I think most girls feel this way. They may no longer have the desire to get married, for most are scared to death of marriage, because of all the marriages they see falling apart around them. But, most are looking to the wrong things to make them feel safe, secure, powerful, and wanted.
I stayed married to him for four years. During that time all hell had broken loose. I became addicted to drugs; pornography and the sex industry were running ramped all around me, until I myself became a stripper. My life was falling apart. I was dying. It was in the most horrible time of my life that I discovered how to call to God. It was during this time that I finally was able to let God take control of my life, for I could finally see how truly lost I was without Him.
"I will praise the Lord at all times. I will constantly speak His praises. I will boast only in the Lord; let all who are helpless take heart. Come, let us tell of the Lord’s greatness; let us exalt His name together. I prayed to the Lord, and He answered me. He freed me from all my fears. Those who look to Him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces. In my desperation I prayed, and the Lord listened; He saved me from all my troubles. For the angel of the Lord is a guard; He surrounds and defends all who fear Him. Taste and see that the Lord is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in Him!" (Psalm 34)
I often go back in my mind to who I was without Christ. I often share my most horrible sins with others. For in doing this, my memory is kept right with God. This keeps me on my knees thanking Him for saving me when I called to Him for help. I know who I am without Him. Without Him, I am a lier, a thief, an adulterous woman, a prostitute. Without Him, I am nothing and I know it.
"Come, my children, and listen to me, and I will teach you to fear the Lord. Does anyone want to live a life that is long and prosperous? Then keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies! Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it. The eyes of the Lord watch over those who do right; His ears are open to their cries for help. But the Lord turns His face against those who do evil; He will erase their memory from the earth. The Lord hears His people when they call to Him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed."
I used to believe that I had to have it all together before God would hear me cry. I used to think that I had to be perfect first, before He would save me. God is not looking for a perfect person. "Jesus said, 'It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.'" (Matthew 9:12) What He wants is a heart that will turn to Him. What He desires is for the sinner to realize who they really are without Him. What He wants is for us to know how far we can fall when we are not relying on Him. What He wants is to give us a new life. “It is important for you and me to know that God is not really giving us a more ethical way by which to live, but He is giving us a life that we could never manufacture on our own; by changing our hearts and changing our hungers.” (RZ)
I cannot take credit for the life that I live now. I cannot take credit for the great marriage that I now have. I cannot take credit for anything that I rejoice in, for I know where to give that credit. I tried to make my own life and it fell apart. He has given me a life now that I could have never dreamed up on my own. He has given me this life, because my heart and my desires are now for Him alone. Some may think that I am over the top. A crazy, insane person, because all I talk about is God. But I know how far I can fall without Him. Do you? Or do you give yourself credit for the life that you are living? If you do, be careful. One day you make wake up and the pride that you feel in yourself, may just slap you in your face. Don't wait till you are on the wrong side of life before you give your life to Him...
I always wanted to get married. I had a desire to make things right and I thought that if I were to get married, then all of my troubles would be solved. I was fifteen when I lost my virginity and it was then that I knew I needed help. I spent the next seven years trying to fit my desire to get married on to any and every guy that came my way. I did not care what kind of guy he was. Actually, most of the time I preferred the kind of guy that sort of scared me. I liked the thrill of the moment and for some reason, because he scared me, I felt safe in his arms. My seven years were spent trying to find a husband. So, at twenty-two I ran off to Los Vegas and got married to the guy that I had been dating for one year. Being married to him did not solve my problems at all. In fact, it multiplied them.
I was always running to the wrong thing to save me. I was always looking to a guy to fill that deep wound in my heart. I thought that being married would solve my problems. I think most girls feel this way. They may no longer have the desire to get married, for most are scared to death of marriage, because of all the marriages they see falling apart around them. But, most are looking to the wrong things to make them feel safe, secure, powerful, and wanted.
I stayed married to him for four years. During that time all hell had broken loose. I became addicted to drugs; pornography and the sex industry were running ramped all around me, until I myself became a stripper. My life was falling apart. I was dying. It was in the most horrible time of my life that I discovered how to call to God. It was during this time that I finally was able to let God take control of my life, for I could finally see how truly lost I was without Him.
"I will praise the Lord at all times. I will constantly speak His praises. I will boast only in the Lord; let all who are helpless take heart. Come, let us tell of the Lord’s greatness; let us exalt His name together. I prayed to the Lord, and He answered me. He freed me from all my fears. Those who look to Him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces. In my desperation I prayed, and the Lord listened; He saved me from all my troubles. For the angel of the Lord is a guard; He surrounds and defends all who fear Him. Taste and see that the Lord is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in Him!" (Psalm 34)
I often go back in my mind to who I was without Christ. I often share my most horrible sins with others. For in doing this, my memory is kept right with God. This keeps me on my knees thanking Him for saving me when I called to Him for help. I know who I am without Him. Without Him, I am a lier, a thief, an adulterous woman, a prostitute. Without Him, I am nothing and I know it.
"Come, my children, and listen to me, and I will teach you to fear the Lord. Does anyone want to live a life that is long and prosperous? Then keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies! Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it. The eyes of the Lord watch over those who do right; His ears are open to their cries for help. But the Lord turns His face against those who do evil; He will erase their memory from the earth. The Lord hears His people when they call to Him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed."
I used to believe that I had to have it all together before God would hear me cry. I used to think that I had to be perfect first, before He would save me. God is not looking for a perfect person. "Jesus said, 'It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.'" (Matthew 9:12) What He wants is a heart that will turn to Him. What He desires is for the sinner to realize who they really are without Him. What He wants is for us to know how far we can fall when we are not relying on Him. What He wants is to give us a new life. “It is important for you and me to know that God is not really giving us a more ethical way by which to live, but He is giving us a life that we could never manufacture on our own; by changing our hearts and changing our hungers.” (RZ)
I cannot take credit for the life that I live now. I cannot take credit for the great marriage that I now have. I cannot take credit for anything that I rejoice in, for I know where to give that credit. I tried to make my own life and it fell apart. He has given me a life now that I could have never dreamed up on my own. He has given me this life, because my heart and my desires are now for Him alone. Some may think that I am over the top. A crazy, insane person, because all I talk about is God. But I know how far I can fall without Him. Do you? Or do you give yourself credit for the life that you are living? If you do, be careful. One day you make wake up and the pride that you feel in yourself, may just slap you in your face. Don't wait till you are on the wrong side of life before you give your life to Him...
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
HOOTERS
2 Samuel 11, "In the spring, at the time when kings go off to war, David sent Joab out with the king's men and the whole Israelite army... But David remained in Jerusalem. One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, 'Isn't this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite?' Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her."
"It is okay to look, if you don't touch." This is what I have heard my entire life. "Guys just do that, they can't help it," is another one. "After you are married, you can do anything with your husband as long as you both consent." Another lie. It starts simple, as simple as going to restaurants like HOOTERS and having their wings. People take their kids in there all of the time, instructing their children on how dad looks, but doesn't touch. It started that way with David and Bathsheba as well. David should have been fighting with his men, but instead he was left alone with his own appetite. He was a king. He was powerful and he could do what ever he wanted. It started with a look. A simple look that never hurts anyone. A look that destroys lives. It happens all the time.
That is how it started with me. It started with my ex husband's addiction to pornography. I thought it was no big deal. It was a big deal, for I could never satisfy him. This is what led me to stripping. While I was the eye candy of many men, my own husband was never satisfied. His mind was raging with women. He was trapped so far into pornography, right and wrong were no longer even in the hemisphere. The trap is set, for your eye has been searching the menu and once you have tasted one, you have to go for another. When you are constantly looking at all the delicacies, eating from the same table never becomes satisfactory if the menu says you can try something new. You turn on the TV to watch a football game, your mind is drawn to the cheerleaders and commercials. From billboards, to when you walk into church and you see a woman in a spaghetti strapped dress with her back exposed, men who are addicted to pornography cannot turn off their minds from noticing the menu.
“There are many many angles at which you can fall, but only one angle at which you can stand straight. Civilization dominated by herself today is testing the angles... Intense is the agony, when the eye begins to see, when the ear begins to hear, when the pulse begins to pound, when the heart begins to throb, when the soul feels its flesh, and when the flesh feels its chains. He moves from rejection to alienation to domination and finally condemnation.” (RZ) There is nothing more tragic than watching men fall to the lie and trap of pornography. I have seen it; I have experienced it from every angle.
I have never been with a man who was more dissatisfied than I was with my ex. Nothing I ever did could satisfy him, and trust me I did it all. I was willing to do what ever he wanted, but it was never enough for he was ragging with the menu in front of him. I have never had a more satisfied sexual experience that what I have with my husband, Jason now. He never believed the lie of pornography and so we both live a very fulfilled sexual life. One big difference as a woman, I don't have to preform for my husband. If your husband is into pornography, you are always having to preform, but now I just enjoy what God gave us to enjoy. There is no competition. There is just love between a husband and his wife. “You are only as sick as your secrets.” (Ruth Graham)
If you are addicted to pornography, trust me, get help so that you can learn what true satisfaction is, before you destroy your wife, your children and your life.
Matthew 5:27, "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." It is a heart thing and it destroys lives. If your husband is addicted to pornography, please do not divorce him. It is something that is tearing him apart, help him. (The hard part is for you as a wife not to take it personally. I am telling you from experience, it is not you and how you look. It is his heart and his heart is dying.) I did it wrong! I fed my ex's appetite instead of helping him. There will never be rest in my heart for that one, for pornography almost destroyed the both of us. I was weak and I had bought the lie that it was okay. When you can learn what true fulfillment is all about, you can have the most fulfilling sexual life as husband and wife. That is what it is all about. Nothing is better, I promise.
"It is okay to look, if you don't touch." This is what I have heard my entire life. "Guys just do that, they can't help it," is another one. "After you are married, you can do anything with your husband as long as you both consent." Another lie. It starts simple, as simple as going to restaurants like HOOTERS and having their wings. People take their kids in there all of the time, instructing their children on how dad looks, but doesn't touch. It started that way with David and Bathsheba as well. David should have been fighting with his men, but instead he was left alone with his own appetite. He was a king. He was powerful and he could do what ever he wanted. It started with a look. A simple look that never hurts anyone. A look that destroys lives. It happens all the time.
That is how it started with me. It started with my ex husband's addiction to pornography. I thought it was no big deal. It was a big deal, for I could never satisfy him. This is what led me to stripping. While I was the eye candy of many men, my own husband was never satisfied. His mind was raging with women. He was trapped so far into pornography, right and wrong were no longer even in the hemisphere. The trap is set, for your eye has been searching the menu and once you have tasted one, you have to go for another. When you are constantly looking at all the delicacies, eating from the same table never becomes satisfactory if the menu says you can try something new. You turn on the TV to watch a football game, your mind is drawn to the cheerleaders and commercials. From billboards, to when you walk into church and you see a woman in a spaghetti strapped dress with her back exposed, men who are addicted to pornography cannot turn off their minds from noticing the menu.
“There are many many angles at which you can fall, but only one angle at which you can stand straight. Civilization dominated by herself today is testing the angles... Intense is the agony, when the eye begins to see, when the ear begins to hear, when the pulse begins to pound, when the heart begins to throb, when the soul feels its flesh, and when the flesh feels its chains. He moves from rejection to alienation to domination and finally condemnation.” (RZ) There is nothing more tragic than watching men fall to the lie and trap of pornography. I have seen it; I have experienced it from every angle.
I have never been with a man who was more dissatisfied than I was with my ex. Nothing I ever did could satisfy him, and trust me I did it all. I was willing to do what ever he wanted, but it was never enough for he was ragging with the menu in front of him. I have never had a more satisfied sexual experience that what I have with my husband, Jason now. He never believed the lie of pornography and so we both live a very fulfilled sexual life. One big difference as a woman, I don't have to preform for my husband. If your husband is into pornography, you are always having to preform, but now I just enjoy what God gave us to enjoy. There is no competition. There is just love between a husband and his wife. “You are only as sick as your secrets.” (Ruth Graham)
If you are addicted to pornography, trust me, get help so that you can learn what true satisfaction is, before you destroy your wife, your children and your life.
Matthew 5:27, "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." It is a heart thing and it destroys lives. If your husband is addicted to pornography, please do not divorce him. It is something that is tearing him apart, help him. (The hard part is for you as a wife not to take it personally. I am telling you from experience, it is not you and how you look. It is his heart and his heart is dying.) I did it wrong! I fed my ex's appetite instead of helping him. There will never be rest in my heart for that one, for pornography almost destroyed the both of us. I was weak and I had bought the lie that it was okay. When you can learn what true fulfillment is all about, you can have the most fulfilling sexual life as husband and wife. That is what it is all about. Nothing is better, I promise.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Foolish Words
James 3:1-12, "Dear brothers and sisters, not many of you should become teachers in the church, for we who teach will be judged more strictly. Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way. We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself. People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water? Does a fig tree produce olives, or a grapevine produce figs? No, and you can’t draw fresh water from a salty spring."
When I think of all of the evil and wrong things that I have ever done, my words are the worst. My sexual sin with my ex husband, started with words. My words to him were turned into poison, as they fed his sin, my heart was being trained for even more evil. Prov 5:3, "For the lips of an immoral woman are as sweet as honey, and her mouth is smoother than oil. But in the end she is as bitter as poison, as dangerous as a double-edged sword." I once went fishing for men. My body was the bait, but my words were the hook that kept them coming back to the same trap. If there ever was a woman that knew the power of words, it is me. The hard part is turning my words from death to life.
Prov 4:23-24, "Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. Avoid all perverse talk; stay away from corrupt speech. Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. Mark out a straight path for your feet; stay on the safe path. Don’t get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil." Some people probably think that I am over doing everything, or that I am a prude. But, do you see how far I fell. I know what is out there, for I walked down that dark road before. Now I must guard my heart. I must guard my eyes. I have to, for I no longer want to be counted with the fools who never learn their lessons and keep repeating the same mistake over and over. Prov 9:6, "Leave your foolish ways behind, and begin to live; learn to use good judgment.” The crude joking; the movies that are very funny, but you would never let your children watch; all things like this, none of them are good for your heart. Why would I ever want to go there again! I must guard myself, for I know how easily I can be swept away by the world. I know how easy it is for me to join in and turn the whole thing bad.
We are told many times in the Bible to take each day, moment by moment. We are never told to live just for the future triumphs. We are not encouraged to only look at the past. We are told to take hold of today and strengthen ourselves for this moment, for this is all we can handle. If I can control my tongue today and not loose my head in the heat of the battle, then this battle today can be won. If I can not loose my temper and allow my thoughts to come flowing out of my mouth; If I can direct my words, so they bring encouragement to those who are struggling; if I can keep my eyes focused on Christ, then this day will be marked down as a triumphal victory. It is a foolish person that cannot control their mouth. Please God, help me to not be that person again, today.
When I think of all of the evil and wrong things that I have ever done, my words are the worst. My sexual sin with my ex husband, started with words. My words to him were turned into poison, as they fed his sin, my heart was being trained for even more evil. Prov 5:3, "For the lips of an immoral woman are as sweet as honey, and her mouth is smoother than oil. But in the end she is as bitter as poison, as dangerous as a double-edged sword." I once went fishing for men. My body was the bait, but my words were the hook that kept them coming back to the same trap. If there ever was a woman that knew the power of words, it is me. The hard part is turning my words from death to life.
Prov 4:23-24, "Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. Avoid all perverse talk; stay away from corrupt speech. Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. Mark out a straight path for your feet; stay on the safe path. Don’t get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil." Some people probably think that I am over doing everything, or that I am a prude. But, do you see how far I fell. I know what is out there, for I walked down that dark road before. Now I must guard my heart. I must guard my eyes. I have to, for I no longer want to be counted with the fools who never learn their lessons and keep repeating the same mistake over and over. Prov 9:6, "Leave your foolish ways behind, and begin to live; learn to use good judgment.” The crude joking; the movies that are very funny, but you would never let your children watch; all things like this, none of them are good for your heart. Why would I ever want to go there again! I must guard myself, for I know how easily I can be swept away by the world. I know how easy it is for me to join in and turn the whole thing bad.
We are told many times in the Bible to take each day, moment by moment. We are never told to live just for the future triumphs. We are not encouraged to only look at the past. We are told to take hold of today and strengthen ourselves for this moment, for this is all we can handle. If I can control my tongue today and not loose my head in the heat of the battle, then this battle today can be won. If I can not loose my temper and allow my thoughts to come flowing out of my mouth; If I can direct my words, so they bring encouragement to those who are struggling; if I can keep my eyes focused on Christ, then this day will be marked down as a triumphal victory. It is a foolish person that cannot control their mouth. Please God, help me to not be that person again, today.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Our Own Evil Desires
James, I have to camp out here for a while. I love this book. It does not allow me to have any excuses for the foolish ways in which I have lived.
(1:12ff), "God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. And remember, when you are being tempted, do not say, 'God is tempting me.' God is never tempted to do wrong, and He never tempts anyone else. Temptation comes from the lure of our own evil desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death. (1 Cor 6:9, Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols (idols, what draws your eyes away from God), or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people—none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God.) So don’t be misled... Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls. But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it. If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless."
Okay this is a long one, but I could stay here forever, verse by verse. So much is brought to my attention as I read this. In the past, I would let others guide me. I became a stripper, because of my ex husbands desires. But when I read this, it places the blame back on me. "Temptation comes from our own evil desires, which entice us and drag us away." So I cannot blame anyone for anything. Even now, when I loose my tempter with my boys, or anyone, it is my fault. I am held accountable, for I am in charge of how I act and how I treat others.
I know how God wants me to lead my life. I know it, because I was brought up with His word continually being placed in my heart. I choose to fool myself, look into the mirror of His law and walk away forgetting what I know is right. Every time I don't act appropriately, it is my choice and I am only fooling myself. No one else buys my deceit, for I am the only one deceived in those moments. Everyone else can see, for they are looking at me for what I really am, a person wanting to sin. Then I turn around and say that I don't know why I cannot control myself. It is because I am choosing to "loose it." No one else is to blame. No, you are tempted by your own evil desires.
Oswald Chambers, "The moral law does not consider our weaknesses as human beings; in fact, it does not take into account our heredity or infirmities. It simply demands that we be absolutely moral...The moral law, ordained by God, does not make itself weak to the weak by excusing our shortcomings. It remains absolute for all time and eternity... 'I was alive once without the law, but when the commandment came, sin revived and I died' (Romans7:9). The moment we realize this, the Spirit of God convicts us of sin. Until a person gets there and sees that there is no hope, the Cross of Christ remains absurd to him...There is only one way by which I can get right with God, and that is through the death of Jesus Christ. I must get rid of the underlying idea that I can ever be right with God because of my obedience. Who of us could ever obey God to absolute perfection!"
I am so thankful that I can turn all of my inadequacies toward Christ. I am so thankful that He does not expect me to be perfect. I am so thankful that He does not excuse my bad behavior, so that I am a slave to that behavior forever, either. He gives me the chance to change. He provides me the tools, so that I do not have to live in sin. If I will open my eyes to who I really am, then I can see who He really is. If I will open my eyes to who I am without Him, then I can turn my everyday life over to Him. It is in starting off every day in recognition to who I am, who He is, that this day will be a better one than yesterday. Christ is my Savior, my Helper, my Redeemer, my Lord. I deserve to die, for I know how bad I really am. He took my sin upon the cross and paid the debt that I owe, every day.
"God, please give me the strength and tools for this day, so I can live a life that pleases you, today. Thank you for covering my sin today, with your blood, so that I can live in peace every day."
http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/12/01/devotion.aspx?year=2009
(1:12ff), "God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. And remember, when you are being tempted, do not say, 'God is tempting me.' God is never tempted to do wrong, and He never tempts anyone else. Temptation comes from the lure of our own evil desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death. (1 Cor 6:9, Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols (idols, what draws your eyes away from God), or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people—none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God.) So don’t be misled... Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls. But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it. If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless."
Okay this is a long one, but I could stay here forever, verse by verse. So much is brought to my attention as I read this. In the past, I would let others guide me. I became a stripper, because of my ex husbands desires. But when I read this, it places the blame back on me. "Temptation comes from our own evil desires, which entice us and drag us away." So I cannot blame anyone for anything. Even now, when I loose my tempter with my boys, or anyone, it is my fault. I am held accountable, for I am in charge of how I act and how I treat others.
I know how God wants me to lead my life. I know it, because I was brought up with His word continually being placed in my heart. I choose to fool myself, look into the mirror of His law and walk away forgetting what I know is right. Every time I don't act appropriately, it is my choice and I am only fooling myself. No one else buys my deceit, for I am the only one deceived in those moments. Everyone else can see, for they are looking at me for what I really am, a person wanting to sin. Then I turn around and say that I don't know why I cannot control myself. It is because I am choosing to "loose it." No one else is to blame. No, you are tempted by your own evil desires.
Oswald Chambers, "The moral law does not consider our weaknesses as human beings; in fact, it does not take into account our heredity or infirmities. It simply demands that we be absolutely moral...The moral law, ordained by God, does not make itself weak to the weak by excusing our shortcomings. It remains absolute for all time and eternity... 'I was alive once without the law, but when the commandment came, sin revived and I died' (Romans7:9). The moment we realize this, the Spirit of God convicts us of sin. Until a person gets there and sees that there is no hope, the Cross of Christ remains absurd to him...There is only one way by which I can get right with God, and that is through the death of Jesus Christ. I must get rid of the underlying idea that I can ever be right with God because of my obedience. Who of us could ever obey God to absolute perfection!"
I am so thankful that I can turn all of my inadequacies toward Christ. I am so thankful that He does not expect me to be perfect. I am so thankful that He does not excuse my bad behavior, so that I am a slave to that behavior forever, either. He gives me the chance to change. He provides me the tools, so that I do not have to live in sin. If I will open my eyes to who I really am, then I can see who He really is. If I will open my eyes to who I am without Him, then I can turn my everyday life over to Him. It is in starting off every day in recognition to who I am, who He is, that this day will be a better one than yesterday. Christ is my Savior, my Helper, my Redeemer, my Lord. I deserve to die, for I know how bad I really am. He took my sin upon the cross and paid the debt that I owe, every day.
"God, please give me the strength and tools for this day, so I can live a life that pleases you, today. Thank you for covering my sin today, with your blood, so that I can live in peace every day."
http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/12/01/devotion.aspx?year=2009
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