Shhh, Can you hear Him?

I love to discover new things. Don't you! You think you know and understand something then, Bam. There it is. Something new.

All over Paul's writing he is constantly saying how bad of a sinner he is. I have always had some difficulty with this. Yes, he killed people, but his heart was zealous for God. He may have done wrong, but as far as I could tell, he at least had the right motives. Bam, no... maybe not!!

Acts 22, " “I am a Jew, born in Tarsus, a city in Cilicia, and I was brought up and educated here in Jerusalem under Gamaliel. As his student, I was carefully trained in our Jewish laws and customs. I became very zealous to honor God in everything I did....‘But Lord,’ I argued, ‘they certainly know that in every synagogue I imprisoned and beat those who believed in you. And I was in complete agreement when your witness Stephen was killed. I stood by and kept the coats they took off when they stoned him.’"


There it is. It is very easily overlooked, never noticed, but there it is. All of the answers are in Gamaliel, his teacher. Earlier in Acts 5 we can see part of what Gamaliel was like. Peter and the Apostles had been taken to jail, they had started an uproar because of their teaching. Some of the Jewish leaders were furious and wanted to kill them, then we learn of Gamaliel. "But one member, a Pharisee named Gamaliel, who was an expert in religious law and respected by all the people, stood up and ordered that the men be sent outside the council chamber for a while. Then he said to his colleagues, 'Men of Israel, take care what you are planning to do to these men!' ... 'my advice is, leave these men alone. Let them go. If they are planning and doing these things merely on their own, it will soon be overthrown. But if it is from God, you will not be able to overthrow them. You may even find yourselves fighting against God!'”


It is after Gamliel's words concerning these men that we find Paul holding the coats in approval of Stephen's stoning (7). What if the whole time Paul was doing what he was doing and hearing this most respected mans words, "if it is from God, you will not be able to overthrow them. You may even find yourselves fighting against God!” And this is why he was so heart broken about what he had done. He knew! He knew he shouldn't be doing what he was, and yet he kept doing it. What if, inside he wasn't killing for God, but while he was standing in the crowd at Stephen's stoning he became hi with the rush of the crowd and that was what he was seeking from then on. Man's approval, that very addictive calling. The yelling that can drown out the whispers of the Holy Spirit, our conscience.


We all do this in some form. We drown out our conscience so that we can continue to do what We want. Many of us, from childhood, we have trained ourselves Not to listen. Some of us, have been practicing this for so long we have almost completely hushed our inner voice concerning "this" area of our life. We don't want to hear. We silence this voice telling us, "No, don't go there... Keep quiet here... Don't pick that up..." The times we choose not to listen, the list can go on and on. It is a practice of moment by moment silencing. This is when our own desires get skewed and we can no longer determine what is from God and what is it that is really our own desire.


So how do you turn on your listening heart's ear when you have silenced it for so long? I don't know how everyone should do this, but I can tell you how I have been trying to retrain myself.


My big one started when I was taken out of my past marriage. I allowed others, whom I respected, to guide me into what I was supposed to do. Now I didn't always get it right, I still don't, but I was trying to retrain my actions to follow what I was told. My conscience voice had become skewed with my desire voice, so I needed others to look into my life and help me see truth. I asked others about everything. *(Now if you are already a people pleaser, this is not for you.) I needed help though, and just praying about it myself was never going to do the trick. I had to retrain my actions. I still go to others often, but after years of retraining, I am better at discerning my desires from His voice. It is a process. I had not stifled my conscience over night and the retraining of my listening ear did not happen over night either. One of the best tools that I have is still my bible. I have developed a practice of looking at God's instructions for other people's lives through the stories told, then applying those lessons to my own life. Every morning I get up way before the sun has risen and focus my listening ear toward Him. I have surrounded myself with people whom I respect and I listen to them closely. I have changed how I choose to live and with this life change, I have changed on the inside. And with this, I live free.


We need to hear. We all need to heed what we hear. The more I learn about God the more I see how much He truly loves me. The more I learn about Him, the more I see my own worth and value. His lessons, His desire's are for my best. He wants the best for my life. If I will learn to listen, I will have a good life wherever I go. It is in my own heart that I can see my true desires for my life. He has given everyone the blessings of our conscience. Are we willing to listen and obey what we hear? That is always the question, moment by moment...