Business Dealings

Do you ever second guess yourself.  Wondering, "Did I do that? How did that happen? or Am I at fault here?"  So many things come into play as we work out each day, but when something goes wrong, those are the days that self doubt takes over.

I have been going through this.  The other day I received an email from one of the home owners that I work for.  She was questioning me about her home and some things that she found.  I immediately go into, "What did I not do, or I could have been more diligent here..."  My mind races and every step that I take is looked over and over and over.  I re-walk my steps through the house in my mind, over and over again.  Jason saw me "going there" last night.  He laid aside what he was doing then reached out and took me.  He asked, "Have you done anything wrong?"
"No"
"Did you open the door that was found open?"  (Other workers have access to the house as well.)
"No"
Every part of my performance is questioned and I start to cry.  I can't help it.  I know I could do better.  I always can!  But his words brought my heart to rest on the truth, "You did everything you could.  You take care of your job and you do it well.  If we loose these clients over this, it is okay."  And with that he hugged me and turned to finish what he was working on.

My night did not end in complete rest of my mind, but when I turned to scripture this morning I saw exactly what I needed to.  Proverbs 11:1, "Dishonesty in business disgusts the Eternal, but fair dealings delights Him."  Then the insert right below this says, "Business may well be the most common human activity, so God cares deeply about how we conduct our business.  Many proverbs address honesty in all forms of business-buying, selling, negotiating, transacting, and working.  All of these depend on trust.  Deceit in business causes many people to suffer.  In fact, world economies and all our livelihoods depend in large measure on truthfulness  honesty, and fair dealings in the market."

This may sound crazy, like a reprimand, but it is not.  I am innocent and have conducted myself with integrity.    I do at times take someone with me while I am working, but I am not irresponsible in doing this.  Often I need help, or it may be a good time to talk while I work.  They do not have free reign of the home, but are with me.  So why do I immediately jump to the awful conclusion that I have done something wrong?

Part of my insecurity is the fact that these home owners do not have a personal relationship with me.  They do not know me!  So in this I feel I am constantly having to prove myself.  That is an awful way to live.  This does not bring me security, but a feeling of inadequacy.  100% self inflicted.  May my heart rest on my reputation within.  Have I been perfect?  No.  Have I seen a few things I need to check on that I have not thought of before?  Indeed.  Will I do a little better next time in noticing what I do not usually think of? Yes.  With that, I can rest no matter the outcome.

Colossians 3:23, "Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.  Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ."

Nanny Cams, that is our next step.  I do my work well, but only He can see me when I am alone.  I have nothing to hide, for I know that in truth I always have someone watching.  I am hoping to get cameras in all of our homes.  Then there is never a question of "who?"  I do not have to live with a feeling of "self preservation", but a feeling of security that no matter what happens, He will take care of me.  I have been fair.   I have done my job to the best of my previously known ability.  Some things have been brought to my attention... now I know and will do even better.  That is all that can be expected of anyone.

As a child I trained myself to live on the defense.  I would lie and mislead.  I trained myself to not trust myself through the choices I made.  I have discovered that this is no way to live!  I still go there, but it is not merited.  I must constantly remind my heart of who I am now and I do not have to live in my past.  "I press on to the prize at the end for which Christ is calling me heavenward."  And with that, I find peace.  But in order to find this peace we must first look at our own heart.  Are we living in every day like we are being watched from Nanny Cameras?  If we discover that one day we have been filmed, what will be our reaction then?  Do we really live as though our true boss is the Lord?