Hope for Tomorrow

I've been sitting here this morning looking out my window into a world that often has brought me such pain, but this morning I have a new breath. I realize that I have a new hope. Not that I live in despair, but in the ever present reality of my MS. I've struggled, fought, scummed to, battled, and learned more than I really ever wanted to know about myself over these past 19 years. In my mind, my debilitating disease is ever present. Every time someone even mentions doing any kind of physical exercise, my mind goes to fear of, "what would I have to suffer if I did the same." My tears are always right behind the surface, in lament of the unknown. I have lamented more over my affliction than I really ever care to admit. Through the hope of this new day I can better see my hearts cry and my hearts healing.

Yesterday, my mom (She is my ever present warrior who is always searching for me when I am ever ready to give up!) called me and encouraged me to look at a web site on Stem Cell Therapy. I did and immediately filled out the candidate application form. I have no idea if I will even be selected, but my affliction and what I have learned through my suffering is worth sharing.

Paul wrote Philippians while he was in prison. It is often referred to as the book of joy and of rejoicing, but how can there be great joy while you are being held captive in chains that keep your hands from moving freely as you wish? Paul received his joy through the lives of others, the obedience demonstrated to him through Christ, and the hope for the future. 
You see today another shackle has been removed. Not that anything has changed, but I can see a little better about what has bound me. I live in fear. While trying to encourage others, I have a fear that is stopping me from moving forward and embracing the life to come. You see, when I think of the future, I don't really think of life, but of death, and how I am not going to be able to do things. While on one hand, this has pushed me to live more for today, but this has stopped me from being able to prepare for tomorrow with full hope and joyful expectation. I embrace today, but my tomorrows hold me captive. I live through the joyful expectations through others lives. I rejoice when I see my friends find faith and freedom through Christ. I can see their futures bright in front of them as they learn to walk through life without those ties that have bound them. I am ever encouraged, like Paul, when I see that through my life others have been led to a more abundant life in Christ. "I pray that your love will overflow more and more, and that you will keep on growing in knowledge and understanding. For I want you to understand what really matters, so that you may live pure and blameless lives until the day of Christ’s return. May you always be filled with the fruit of your salvation—the righteous character produced in your life by Jesus Christ—for this will bring much glory and praise to God." (Philippians 1:9-11)

I too, want to see what really matters.  What will bring me joy in the hopes of tomorrow? Is it that I am selected to have the stem cell treatment and that it works? Or is it that I can rejoice in my tomorrows even through the uncertainty of the unknown? I want to work with my husband, so I have been studying for my real estate exam, but my imprisonment has always held me back from fully embracing that future life. 
I thank God that I have sought Him and this relationship even through my bondage. I do not lament about the lessons that I have learned about myself during my imprisonment. Just here recently, I have discovered a new taste for life. I have always wanted to live a life of indulgence with food. I know a pretty pathetic example, but it is where I am. I just now embraced what is truly healthy for me. After a lifetime of indulgence and gluttony I have finally found freedom in taking care of me. "I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us." (3:12-14)

I can breathe a new breath this morning. Perseverance to grab hold of a future that has always been before me, but that I never dreamed I could grasp. It doesn't mean that everything will go accordingly as I hope, but I can at least find freedom in the future through that hope that has never really left me, but was just hidden because of the chains that weighed me down. Nothing has changed, only my perspective on life has been affected. What has bound you to this world? Is it your own self-centered view, like mine, that has kept you from embracing the hopes for the future? Are we so tied up within our own struggles that we cannot embrace others and find the true joy in their accomplishments? Can we see the ever preset lesson that we are the temple of the Most High God? Do we embrace that lesson with joy, or lament? Today, I can thank my God for the memories of yesterday and the hope for tomorrow.

"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done." Rejoice, Rejoice!  We really never know what tomorrow may bring.... So we may as well Rejoice in great expectation for a bright future with Christ, instead of lamenting when in reality we don't know anyways...