For several years now, I have been on a journey for information. I have suffered so much in my own ignorance, that now I know, I do not know everything. I love learning more and leaning on other people's experience and study. Part of this learning path has been DVR. Many people hate TV, because they do not use it for God's glory, but there are many things on TV that glorify our Lord. You just have to be willing to lay aside your flesh and discover Christ, yes through TV. Two of the programs that I record and watch often are: Ed Young TV; Jimmy and Karen Evans, Marriage Today. These are the programs that I am relying on for some of my writings today.
Often times, people get married and instantly become lazy. One of the most destructive and self blinding things in a marriage is selfishness. People become lazy, because they become selfish. They become self centered, because they become selfish. You hear them say, "he/she disrespects me." If we want a horrible marriage, we need to concentrate on getting respect. A good marriage revolves around giving respect. We are called to marriage, because He wants us to become more like Him. In becoming more like Him, we become less selfish. Jason and I have both been some of the most selfish, self centered people. We spent several years trying to get respect. In this we were constantly offended, because the other was constantly disrespecting us. When we were looking at the other person, and what they were not doing, we suffered. God never tells us to judge another's heart, yet in marriage we feel we have a right to judge the other. Jesus never said, you wash my feet, but He did say to wash the other's.
Another way to look into marriage is the difference between the sexes. Men and women were created different. Many people concentrate on these differences and despise the other person for being different. God created men and women differently for a reason and we need to learn to cherish these differences. In looking back to the different roles we were created to fulfil, we can understand these differences and see them as valuable.
Men were created to be more emotionally detached. Looking back several hundred years... Men were expected to give protection, many times by killing, for their families. If they were made to be full of emotion, then how could they provide for their families. They had to go out, kill to eat, and kill to protect. Then we get upset with them because emotions do not come easy for them. Yet God created them to gain emotional connectedness through sex. But we women do not want to have sex because we have not connected with them emotionally. God created their sex drive so that after they provided and protected they would return to their wives. That is the magnet that keeps them coming home.
Women were created to be the care takers of the home and to give their family the emotional support they need. We have a role of emotionally connecting our family. After our husband has been gone all day working, we are to connect him emotionally with us and our children. Men get upset, because women in general do not have as high of a sex drive. This sex drive is a creation that God created to protect the marriage. If women had as high of a sex drive as men, the alone hours at home would overwhelm her and she would go out seeking sex from other men.
We have to look at things from God's point of view. He created us to serve the other person. He calls us give respect, not demand it for ourselves. He created my husband to protect and provide for our family. He created me to give my family the emotional stability that they need. He created me to help my husband connect emotionally, with all of us. He gave both of us a sexual desire in order to make that connection. If I am constantly looking at what I need, I will miss the wonderful creation that God gave to me. Once I took my concentration off of myself, and started giving my husband what he needed from me, everything started getting better. Once he stopped focusing on what he wanted and started looking at what I needed, every thing started getting better. We both are very satisfied with our marriage, because we stopped looking at our marriage with a limited perspective. Sex is part of this. God created sex to be a wonderful connection in marriage, mess with that and no one can have a wonderful sex life.
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