Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Focus on Marriage Notes

I have been substitute teaching so my post have not been as frequent, sorry...
This past Saturday was Focus on Marriage. What a wonderful event. I would like to share some of what I learned. I took some notes and this is straight from them. This is just some highlights, I am sorry if you missed it. I will do my best to let you see a glimpse of the day. This is truly a poor substitute, but the best I can do.

Gary Thomas
There was a survey taken from married couples who were on the brink of divorce. Out of the couples that were interviewed only 19% said that they were happier after they got a divorce. 80% of the couples who stayed together and worked with their marriage were happier after 5 years.
What if God didn't design marriage to make us happy, but holy: to reveal my sin: to make me ask for forgiveness... You cannot run from your stuff. Where ever you go, there you are.

If your goal in life is to serve/work for Jesus, stay single. If your goal in life is to become like Jesus, get married.

1) Rediscover the purpose for marriage-
"If romance is only very recent, isn't it possible that we are asking something of our marriages that God never intended"
Expectations produce shell shocked newly weds.
When we get married for trivial reasons we get divorced for trivial reasons.

2) Become a God centered spouse
A spouse centered spouse treats their spouse how a spouse has treated them in the last 24 hrs. You treat them how they treat you. Need to be a God centered spouse- Treat them how you are supposed to treat God.
Matt 6:33 How do I bring God's Kingdom into my house
2 Cor 7:1 put the spot light on yourself, you are not perfect
Marriage can become the best way to worship God
Love with a reverent fear of God

Key phrase for me:
God is my Father-In-Law. How am I treating His child?

Beth Moore
Ephesians 5:21 It is about order. There is order in a God centered home.
How could anything so fragile (marriage), represent anything so defined (Christ).
Baggage always attracts baggage.

1) Men tend to be more satisfied in their marriages than women. Women have an infatuation with idealism. We can be miserable with good. When did good become not good enough?
Your husbands mind is God's business, not yours. Isn't it interesting that women feel responsible for his spiritual life- it is husbands job to be concerned for the families spiritual welfare. It is his job to wash her.

Good is good, it is not perfect, it is good. We will break up homes because "this isn't enough for me." It is every day. Choose to love him again today.

2)Women want to derive our security from someone struggling with his own security and identity. We want to use our husbands as mirrors. He doesn't have to "keep up" with her spirituality. God has given him that office, get out of his office, so he can do his job.

God has given us a longing for eternity. We are not the wife of Christ, we are the bride of Christ. In heaven we are eternal brides. Here, we are a wife to our husbands.

Men are not attracted to hysterical needy women. They are attracted to their wife when she is secure in Christ. Don't try and drain him dry trying to get your womanhood from man. We get it from Jesus

Key phrase:
Submission means learning to duck so God can hit your husband.

Del Tackett
1) Devine pause in creation- "It is not good for man to be alone."
Ps 19, Job 12 Ask the animals and they will teach you
Everything is in relationship. It is all about relationship.
What happened to the Fall? Relationship with God damaged; relationship with man and wife damaged; relationship with brothers damaged; relationship with nature damaged.
It is in the very nature of God that we understand marriage.

Triune nature of God
Father-Son-Holy Spirit

Perfect harmony is in God, it is the unity of God.
Holy Spirit comes from both Father and Son. Children come from both father and mother.
Submission is bound in whole nature of God. Son submits to Father. Wife submits to husband. 1Peter 3:7 ; Eph 5
God gives you a blueprint for marriage because He know you will disobey Him. There is a consequence to not obeying God.

Your husband needs your respect like you need love, it is his air.
You are not his mother, that is disrespectful to him.
He will clam up when he is disrespected. When he clams up- rewind and see if you disrespected him.

Malachi 2 Lord is witness between you and your wife.

See every thing in 3's, Devine mark of God
1= loneliest number
2= intimacy/relationship
3= community

Everything we need is bound up in the very nature of God

Key phrase:
The pernicious Lie: It is all about You!

Gary Smalley
Why don't I still have the level of patience or kindness that I should? Teach me! What am I missing?

The world's belief is: It is all about me; You only live once- go for it; things, excitement will give you life.

If your center is yourself you will destroy your relationships and you will stay in darkness. God and others is bigger than me.

When a man lusts after a woman, it is his heart, what he believes, that is in question.
Gal 5:13,14 Guard your heart above all else.

Jesus is all I need. If I think, "if you changed I would be happier." This is a lie. Jesus is all I need. His love is what makes a good marriage. You cannot manufacture God's love- His love never fails, so you are either giving it or you are not.

John 15, Jesus is the vine, I am a twig- we are all twigs- helpless without the vine.
God only gives the Kingdom of heaven to the helpless. You have to be humbled, broken, bankrupt in order to discover His greatness. 1 Jn 4:7-8, If He is just invited the sap/ Holy Spirit in the vine produces fruit in him and her. When they were twigs without the vine nothing was produced together.
Why are we yelling at our mate when they cannot do it anyway...connect to the vine and be patient to see the fruit He produces.

Value of connecting to your Father
1) Pray together - PS 1 pray that worldly beliefs will shrink
2) Bible reading - find out where we get God's grace
3)Study together - Eph 3:17
4) Attend church/small group together
5) Memorize/Meditate on scripture - Find the true meaning of the verses. Bathe in Him.
6) Listen to Christian music
7) Watch Christ centered movies like Fireproof

Increase your godly belief in marriage

Key Phrase:
Humble yourself every day and watch what God will do. All your stress is from your expectations from the world.

John Trent
During the tough times - Lift your eyes to Jesus
How to bring up there, down here.
When you are driving your car you never make drastic changes in your steering. 2 Degree changes are the important key in helping you stay between the lines. Keep it small/ simple so it actually takes effect and you don't wreck. Small changes equal big steps.

2Kings 5:3 How much easier it would have been if he had just done the simple thing first suggested. Don't hate the small steps.
Lk 19:17, Mk 9:34,37

Some steps you can take to help your marriage
1) www.strongfamilies.com
2)Bless your spouse
a) Lean over and take their hand
b)look at them lovingly with bright eyes
c)verbally tell them "what you are wearing today looks good"--One nice thing a day
d)Attach high in value-- praise them
e) Picture a special future for them
f)How you thinking differently about your relationship can change everything

Key phrase:
Your problem seems huge, until you look at each individual issue in a small way. Then it becomes do able.


JanAl said...

I have missed you! Glad you enjoyed the conference. I will read thru this post soon (my bedtime ;] )
A few couples went to the local conference here, I am sure that they enjoyed it.

Kati said...

My hubby and I went along with another couple from our church. I was truly blessed. Beth Moore was my personal favorite; her testimony just resonated with me. Unfortunately we had to leave halfway through Gary Smalley's talk as our babysitter called us home to a sick child. :(

I also really appreciated Jeremy Camp's testimony!

Jenny said...

I am so thankful for the testimony and help from others. I love hearing how others are doing things and what they have learned from God. I feel so often we think we can do it ourselves. Jason and I have a wonderful marriage, but I am so glad that we reach out togther, in order to learn more. We do not have all of the answers for ourselves, much less someone else. I love getting more info. He feeds my soul...
Kati, I hate that you had to leave, but I am glad you went. You can share with Janal what she missed out on. (LOL) :o)

Taryn said...

What an interesting concept- God is you father in law- not your father. hmmm

JanAl said...

;] In my defense, (totally laughing right now), I was asked, but we have been recently to a marriage retreat, and my husband wanted to use the money for a christian concert that happens every summer.
Oh, I would have been there just for Beth Moore and Jeremy Camp!!!!!!!!!!!

Jenny said...

I have so missed this... I am smiling from ear to ear :o)

Sheldon said...

me too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :]

Sheldon said...

Sorry, it is Janal, I forgot Sheldon was logged on! Shows my dingi-ness!