Balaam and Gomer

Matthew 9:12, "When Jesus heard this, He said, 'Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do.' Then He added, 'Now go and learn the meaning of this Scripture: ‘I want you to show mercy, not offer sacrifices.’ For I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.” This verse strikes home with me today, for I know how wretched I am. Last night I heard the testimony of a friend of mine. As I listened to her tell her life history, about walking through the desert, so much was brought to my attention. Her story started with a hard childhood. In fact, most of those I talk with had trials beginning with a parents divorce, being abused, or something that happened to them as children that they had no control over. They made bad choices, because they saw no other example in their first years of learning. So what is my excuse? My parents are still together. I wish they had a better relationship, but they are still together. I was molested when I was in the 5th grade by an older boy, but he did not rape me. I mean there are some things that I could point to for an excuse. But in reality, I had a very good childhood. I purposefully chose the desert that I found myself in.

Numbers 22, I have been just like the prophet Balaam. The angel of the Lord said, "I have come to block your way because you are stubbornly resisting me... Then Balaam confessed to the angel of the Lord, 'I have sinned. I did not realize you were standing in the road to block my way. I will go back home..." Balaam stubbornly chose to go his own way. A talking donkey would not even stop him! People see this and say, "What a fool he was! How blind do you have to be?" What a fool I have been! How many times did God send an angel to stand in my path and block the direction I was traveling in? But I stubbornly pushed my way, until I was finally in such a mess that I had to listen and not refuse the help. I pushed my way, until I had no other choices. Thankfully I have a gracious Lord.

Matthew 9:36, "He felt great pity for the crowds that came, because their problems were so great and they didn't know where to go for help. They were like sheep without a shepherd. He said to His disciples, 'The harvest is so great, but the workers are so few. So pray to the Lord who is in charge of the harvest; ask Him to send out more workers for His fields.'" Thankfully my Lord felt great pity for me. I was such a fool. I stubbornly chose all of the pain that I ever experienced in this life. Only I am to blame for the hurt that I have felt and the pain that I have caused upon others. What a fool I have been. My sins are great, for I chose every one. I no longer want to be associated with the Balaams and Gomers of the bible. I want to be a worker in the fields of harvest. I desire to see my Lord and for Him to say, "Well done good and faithful servant." I will go Lord. Please send me. Please keep my eyes open to what you want me to do for You. When I am afraid let me hear you. 10:19, "...don't worry about what to say in your defense, because you will be given the right words at the right time. For it won't be you doing the talking--it will be the Spirit of your Father speaking through you."