Genesis 50:20, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position..." My God is so good. What Satan intends for evil, He can make good. This, in and of itself, is a mighty secret and a wonderful show of His love and mercy. This is also a trap that Satan lays in front of many believers. This is a trap that he has laid in front of me. All of the terrible decisions and hurtful things that I have ever done, have been part of my journey to this specific place and time. The trap is set when I start thinking that God wanted me to go through those things in order to be where I am now. We have a tendency to excuse our sin. We may say something like, "He wants more for me and look at the good that came as a result of..." This simple statement can be misleading and a lie. For "God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation... And remember, no one who wants to do wrong should ever say, 'God is tempting me.' God is never tempted to do wrong, and He never tempts anyone else either. Temptation comes from our own evil desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death." (Jms 1:12-15)
“When you fall into sin, the smallest price you pay is only the wounding you bring to yourself-- You grieve the heart of God and embarrass the community of Christ” (RZ) It is so easy to dress our sin up and call it good, for look at what God has done with it. Trust me, God never intended me to jump into sin the way that I did. He never wanted me take what He meant for good and for me to use it for evil. He never wanted me to ruin a marriage and destroy many lives, just so that I could say that He loves me and He wanted to bring me to this point in my life.
Gen 45:5-8, Joseph said to his brothers, "But don’t be upset, and don’t be angry with yourselves for selling me to this place. It was God who sent me here ahead of you... God has sent me ahead of you... So it was God who sent me here, not you!" Do you know that it would be so easy for me to look at these verses and give my sin a glorious title of, "It was God who wanted me to do those things." But that would be a lie, and I cannot grieve His heart more by trying to cover my sin with a lie. Joseph during all of his pain and every pit of life that he found himself in, he did not sin against God. God did not tempt him to do wrong, so that one day He could be glorified. God took what someone else wanted for evil and turned it to good. Joseph patiently endured the testing and the temptations, and so God blessed him, but I didn't do that at all. My temptation came from my own evil desires. Those evil desires did lead to sinful actions that resulted in a death of my first marriage. So don't be misled. Do not give yourself an excuse to do what your own evil desires want, then place the blame on God. For that is never His intent. All that does is embarrass the community of Christ and grieve the heart of God. The only way to truly live in freedom is to admit what you have done, as your own evil desires. Then the Cross can be seen and His glory can redeem a life that was once very broken.
Once you have admitted your sin, as your sin really is, don't keep punishing yourself for your sin. For, that too is a lie that Satan tries to inflict upon us. In order for your actions to truly reflect the love of God, we must learn to accept His sacrifice He paid. If we do not fully accept His forgiveness, then we do not fully accept the Cross. I fully enjoy my life that God has blessed. He is a God of second chances. He is a God that wants to bless, even though I do not deserve His blessings. Why would I choose to try and pay for a debt that has already been paid. I have screwed up big time, but I live to enjoy the life He gives me today. If I didn't, I couldn't enjoy my husband that I now have, or my children. The steps are; Confession, tell the truth of your sin; Repentance, turn away from..., and never go down that same road again; Forgiveness, learn to let God and others forgive you, so that you can live free in Christ Jesus our Lord.
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