Young Eyes turned Bitter

Michal, her story is told through 1 Samuel 14 - 2 Samuel 6. Michal was King Saul's daughter and like all the other young girls of that time, her heart was taken by David. For her, David was dangerous, attractive, strong, and courageous. When she saw him her heart would go wild with anticipation for the moment. Her passion was driven by watching David and all of his victories. She was young and the excitement that she felt for him was wild with anticipation and ecstasy. But, like so many young girls who are only looking at the man, her passion soon turned to disgust and bitterness. She had the man that every woman of her day would die to have the attention of, but because she did not see him through the eyes of his God, she loathed him.

Many women say that they would feel different about their husbands if their husband would just seek Christ more. Really? David was a man after God's own heart, but Michal did not see him that way. David was in deep celebration to his God and in his excitement he danced before his Lord. 2 Samuel 6:16, "As the ark of the LORD was entering the City of David, Michal daughter of Saul watched from a window. And when she saw King David leaping and dancing before the LORD, she despised him in her heart."

What could have been different for Michal? Who was her heart really turned towards? When the excitement of the moment had passed and she knew David in her daily married life, who was she supposed to turn to then when her passions had subsided.

As women we have all been there. When we are young, we are attracted to the excitement that young guy brings into our life. Our heart pounds when he is with us and we are so enamored by him that we can hardly take our eyes off of him, but then the enchantment wears off and daily life brings us to a state of contempt for the one that we used to hold in such high esteem. I know, for I have been that woman. I had a husband that brought that excitement into my life. I would like to say that it was because he was not seeking Christ in his life, that is why we got a divorce. I cannot live like that. I must take responsibility for my own sins in the marriage. Otherwise, it would be too easy for me to be that bitter, broken divorced woman we all know. David was seeking God, but it was Michal who hated him. It was because she was not seeking God that she had contempt for him. I was not seeking God. That is why my marriage fell apart. My seeking God may not have changed my ex husband, but my eyes would have been on my Lord and it would have allowed me to look at him through His eyes, instead of my own.

Oswald Chambers, "'Jesus did not commit Himself to them..., for He knew what was in man.' (John 2:24-25). Disillusionment means having no more misconceptions, false impressions, and false judgments in life; it means being free from these deceptions. However, though no longer deceived, our experience of disillusionment may actually leave us cynical and overly critical in our judgment of others. But the disillusionment that comes from God brings us to the point where we see people as they really are, yet without any cynicism or any stinging and bitter criticism. Many of the things in life that inflict the greatest injury, grief, or pain, stem from the fact that we suffer from illusions. We are not true to one another as facts, seeing each other as we really are; we are only true to our misconceived ideas of one another. According to our thinking, everything is either delightful and good, or it is evil, malicious, and cowardly.

Refusing to be disillusioned is the cause of much of the suffering of human life. And this is how that suffering happens— if we love someone, but do not love God, we demand total perfection and righteousness from that person, and when we do not get it we become cruel and vindictive; yet we are demanding of a human being something which he or she cannot possibly give. There is only one Being who can completely satisfy to the absolute depth of the hurting human heart, and that is the Lord Jesus Christ. Our Lord is so obviously uncompromising with regard to every human relationship because He knows that every relationship that is not based on faithfulness to Himself will end in disaster. Our Lord trusted no one, and never placed His faith in people, yet He was never suspicious or bitter. Our Lord’s confidence in God, and in what God’s grace could do for anyone, was so perfect that He never despaired, never giving up hope for any person. If our trust is placed in human beings, we will end up despairing of everyone."

I have a good husband now. It is when I take my eyes off of Christ, and only focus on my husband, that I can feel contempt rising in my heart. Who are you placing your trust in today? Who has our focus?

God's Purpose or Mine

How I love to read in the morning. This is how I learn. This is how I battle my enemy, myself. I have been reading this morning from 2 Samuel 1-6. In this reading I have discovered something about King David. When I think of David, I have many thoughts about him. Some of those thoughts are thoughts of, "how in the world were you the chosen one of God." David committed adultery, murder, polygamy...you name it, he probably did it. But, in all of his sin, in spite of all of his sins, he was deemed "a man after God's own heart." This morning as I read I caught a glimpse of how his heart looked to God. David did not value anyones ability to get even and take revenge for wrongs someone else had done to them. This is how 1 Samuel was spent. David had many chances to kill his enemy Saul, but he knew that revenge was not his to take. Then, 2 Samuel starts with how David looked upon someone else getting even, even though they thought they were doing good by David. David, also did not make a move without consulting God first. His focus was on God and what the big picture of God was. He lived in the moment of pain and struggle, but his focus was on God and God's end result.

Psalm 7, "O LORD my God, I take refuge in you; save and deliver me from all who pursue me, or they will tear me like a lion and rip me to pieces with no one to rescue me. O LORD my God, if I have done this and there is guilt on my hands- if I have done evil to him who is at peace with me or without cause have robbed my foe- then let my enemy pursue and overtake me; let him trample my life to the ground and make me sleep in the dust. Arise, O LORD, in your anger; rise up against the rage of my enemies. Awake, my God; decree justice. Let the assembled peoples gather around you. Rule over them from on high; let the LORD judge the peoples. Judge me, O LORD, according to my righteousness, according to my integrity, O Most High. O righteous God, who searches minds and hearts, bring to an end the violence of the wicked and make the righteous secure. My shield is God Most High, who saves the upright in heart. God is a righteous judge, a God who expresses His wrath every day..."

David kept his heart toward God, and his relationship with his God first. He asked God to reveal anything that he had done wrong in the situation. And then he asked God to punish him, if He discovered sin in his heart! Have I ever asked God to punish me for my wrongs, I don't think so!! But, after he had been found innocent, he then allowed God to be the one to carry out vengeance. He knew his place and he respected His God's ability to do what he should not do. It is in trying to take matters into our own hands that get us into trouble. It is in carrying out our own plans that we loose sight of what God is trying to accomplish in us, in that moment.

Oswald Chambers, "We tend to think that if Jesus Christ compels us to do something and we are obedient to Him, He will lead us to great success. We should never have the thought that our dreams of success are God’s purpose for us. In fact, His purpose may be exactly the opposite. We have the idea that God is leading us toward a particular end or a desired goal, but He is not. The question of whether or not we arrive at a particular goal is of little importance, and reaching it becomes merely an episode along the way. What we see as only the process of reaching a particular end, God sees as the goal itself. What is my vision of God’s purpose for me? Whatever it may be, His purpose is for me to depend on Him and on His power now. If I can stay calm, faithful, and unconfused while in the middle of the turmoil of life, the goal of the purpose of God is being accomplished in me... God’s purpose is to enable me to see that He can walk on the storms of my life right now. If we have a further goal in mind, we are not paying enough attention to the present time. However, if we realize that moment-by-moment obedience is the goal, then each moment as it comes is precious."

What am I taking into my own hands? What am I taking into my own hands in this moment today? Is there something in my heart that reveals my lack of faith in God? Do I really know that He will take care of my problem? Am I desiring a blissful marriage, or am I allowing God to reveal in me my own heart in the matter? Am I willing to allow God to do His work in me, instead of fighting against the situation and taking my circumstances into my own hands? Am I able to love and direct my children toward God today, or am I going to loose it and take out my anger upon them? God is trying to help me to change and become better in each thing that I go through. Am I willing to seek Him in the process, or am I seeking revenge on the world for what I feel is going wrong in my situation.

What do you Believe, Why?

I think that I have asked this question before, but I also think that it is worth asking again. If you are a Christian, why are you one? If you do not believe in Christ, why not? It is not a simple little issue, but rather a very big one that needs deeper thinking than you may realize. Have you really put much thought into why you believe what you believe, or are you just going with the flow of what is right in front of you in the moment? Basically are you shallow, or do you have a deeper meaning in your life?

Everyone has their own personal testimony about why they believe what they do. Everyone has their own personal world view. This is a very critical part of everyones life. The questions that we must deal with are questions of; "Can our world view be backed up with science, history, and personal experience. Is what we believe true, or do we make excuses for everything saying its all relative?" We are not called to live in blind faith, but to be able to give an answer for our faith.

This journey of mine has been one of trial and error, living life blindly, stumbling through as a fool. I have made the biggest blunders in my personal journey, any normal person would be more than embarrassed to admit.... I am embarrassed to admit! It wasn't until I looked at my life in the truth of my failures that I was able to see how God had touched my life and given me a personal story. It was in looking at my personal story that I started seeking the truth about what and who God really was. I started listening to and watching for truth in the people that taught about Christ. I had to first weed out the imitators, there are a lot of quacks out there! I couldn't give up just because there are a lot of quacks. There are doctors who are quacks, does that mean that I give up seeking the right doctors for my health? No. I had to start seeking Him, then I discovered Him. I needed my belief to be backed up with science. As a child I was taught one thing about God and how the universe came into being, but then science through me for a loop. Why would God try and trick us? Why wouldn't science back up who He is? I discovered that science, history, relics found; they all can be backed-up with who the bibles says that God is, and they all back-up the bible. It can all be backed up! This gave me something more than just my personal testimony to stand on. This gave me the proof that I needed, so that when my own doubts came creeping in, I could defend Him, against myself.

Frank Tureks book, "I Don't Have Enough Faith to be an Atheist" gave me the science that I needed. I started listening/watching him on TV, then my brother got me the book. I devoured it in just a few short days. Most was over my head, for I was never a good student, but it gave me the science that I was so desperately needing. Ravi Zacharias is one that I turn to often, on how to walk in this knowledge of who God is. His is an apologist and his teaching gives me the knowledge on how to give a defense for what I believe. I have another blog that I turn to called "Evidence for God from Science." This man is a brilliant chemist/professor who has taken his science and knowledge and used it to study the bible. I have other resources/teachers who I listen to so that I can better live out my faith in my everyday life. My passion is study. This is a passion that is new to me, for I always hated school, but this I love and cannot get enough of. I may not be able to give you an answer in full detail to every question, but I can lead the questioner to someone who can.

Everyone has a personal testimony for what they believe. The true test comes in on how you can back that testimony up with the resources that we have at our hands. Does your faith in whatever you believe, does it stand the test of science, history, discovery? Can you back up your belief? Why are you a Christian? Why aren't you one?

A Jealous Eye

1 Samuel 24:9-15, "He said to Saul, "Why do you listen when men say, 'David is bent on harming you'? This day you have seen with your own eyes how the LORD delivered you into my hands in the cave. Some urged me to kill you, but I spared you; I said, 'I will not lift my hand against my master, because he is the LORD's anointed.' See, my father, look at this piece of your robe in my hand! I cut off the corner of your robe but did not kill you. Now understand and recognize that I am not guilty of wrongdoing or rebellion. I have not wronged you, but you are hunting me down to take my life. May the LORD judge between you and me. And may the LORD avenge the wrongs you have done to me, but my hand will not touch you. As the old saying goes, 'From evildoers come evil deeds,' so my hand will not touch you."

It is so hard to understand or get a grip when someone is speaking falsely about you. What you want to do is first defend yourself. Then you want to understand why they would want to harm you. It can be so hard, because what you do is you take it personally. Instead of looking at them and keeping the focus on them and what they are going through, we instead start looking at ourselves and try to defend ourself. In that fear our insecurity comes forth and we begin to think that others will believe the lie instead of the truth. That insecurity often leads us to reaction. We may want to tell our side and defend our integrity. But all too often when we are speaking our defense, we show our insecurity and panic leads us to reaction and that reaction is all that others can see.

1 Samuel 18:8-15, "Saul was very angry; this refrain galled him. 'They have credited David with tens of thousands,' he thought, 'but me with only thousands. What more can he get but the kingdom?' And from that time on Saul kept a jealous eye on David...When Saul saw how successful he was, he was afraid of him."

Often times when we look back at what started the battle we are in, it is the other persons insecurity. Many times when we start trying to defend ourself, it is our own insecurity. We must stand against the one trying to harm us, but what we must remember is that is the Lord who will judge between us and He will not allow the onslaught to continue forever. All too often however, because of what we have done in the past, or because of what someone else that is close to us has done, we are afraid that our reputation may already be tainted and we cannot endure another blow. That is when our own insecurity takes hold and we battle against against the world, instead of allowing God to be the judge in our defense.

Oswald Chambers, "Sanctification means the impartation of the holy qualities of Jesus Christ to me. It is the gift of His patience, love, holiness, faith, purity, and godliness that is exhibited in and through every sanctified soul. Sanctification is not drawing from Jesus the power to be holy— it is drawing from Jesus the very holiness that was exhibited in Him, and that He now exhibits in me. Sanctification is an impartation, not an imitation. Imitation is something altogether different. The perfection of everything is in Jesus Christ, and the mystery of sanctification is that all the perfect qualities of Jesus are at my disposal. Consequently, I slowly but surely begin to live a life of inexpressible order, soundness, and holiness— “...kept by the power of God...'(1 Peter 1:5)."

After we have given ourselves over to Christ we no longer have to defend ourselves against the onslaught of others and defend our reputation. He has given us a gift and that is "the gift of His patience, love, holiness, faith, purity, and godliness." When we are attacked we must remember God is the judge and we will be cleared, because we now walk with Him in integrity. This walk is very important for the believer, for it is a walk of calm assurance. It is not a walk we do on our own, but a walk we do with Christ as our shield against the world. It is the walk that will help us to keep our eye on the focus and truth of someone who is trying to harm us. That truth is that, that person is hurting. Anytime someone is hurting they will try and throw the spear at the one, who it seems to them, as the cause of their pain. Can you keep your focus on God and keep looking at others through His eyes, even when you are the innocent one in the attack?

One True God

Isaiah 25:9, "This is our God. We trusted in Him, and He saved us. This is the LORD, in whom we trusted. Let us rejoice in the salvation He brings." 26:1-9, "We are surrounded by the walls of God’s salvation. Open the gates to all who are righteous; allow the faithful to enter. You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in You, all whose thoughts are fixed on You! Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal Rock... But for those who are righteous, the way is not steep and rough. You are a God who does what is right, and You smooth out the path ahead of them. Lord, we show our trust in You by obeying your laws; our heart’s desire is to glorify Your name. All night long I search for You; in the morning I earnestly seek for God."

When I sit and think about other religions/other gods, my heart is light compared to the loads that others carry because of the gods they follow. With New Age, Buddhism, Hinduism, Mormonism... all religions that either believe in reincarnation or earning your way to the celestial heavens, these teachings are so strict, and what seems to me, hopeless.

With reincarnation, how unfair this seems to me. You live your life all to pay for this life in your next life. When something bad happens to you in this life it is passed off as karma. But with karma you have no idea why you deserve the punishment you are given. You are not given the chance to make right what you once made wrong and if you are truly evil you just come back as a bug. The Hindu belief is one of constant suffering and punishment all because of something that you did in your past life, and now in blindness to what it was, you are having to make right what you once made wrong. In Buddhism you are having to live and relive this life until you finally, once again in blindness, make right what you once made wrong. With both, there is a cast system that puts people where they belong because of sins they have no idea they committed. Everyone gets what they deserve, because of something they once did. With Mormonism, you are constantly having to do works in order to obtain the celestial heavens. There is no grace and once again you are bound to works.

I can see the lure of all of these religions. In Hinduism, there are over 300,000,000 different gods. You can choose the god you serve. You not only can choose the god, but the different parts of the god that appeal to you the most. If you like this god for these attributes, but another for theirs, you merely have to combine the two until you get just what you want. In Buddhism, there really is no god to answer to. You just go through life until you finally reach Nirvana. The lure of Mormonism is the lure of becoming god. You will one day not only be with god in the celestial heavens, but you will become god.

But I serve a God unlike all other gods. I worship Him in a way that none of these other gods offer. I serve a God that made the heavens and the earth. I serve a God that took compassion upon me and came to earth for all my sins. I do not have to work my way into the celestial heavens. I do not have to come back again to this life and make right what I have done wrong. He has already cleansed me of every wrong that I have ever done or will do in the future. He does not ask me to tear at my body with whips or to pay with penance everyday that I live for the wrongs that I have done in the past. All that He asks of me is to love Him the best that I can for this moment, today. I can look and see if I am doing the right thing, for everyday of my life I can read in His word the instructions for living. He does not want me to run blindly through life, for He has given me His Holy Spirit to help me as I study Him. As I seek Him in the mornings, my life is filled with knowing I will be safe because of what He has paid.

Oswald Chambers, "Having the reality of God’s presence is not dependent on our being in a particular circumstance or place, but is only dependent on our determination to keep the Lord before us continually. Our problems arise when we refuse to place our trust in the reality of His presence. The experience the psalmist speaks of— “We will not fear, even though...” (Psalm 46:2)— will be ours once we are grounded on the truth of the reality of God’s presence, not just a simple awareness of it, but an understanding of the reality of it. Then we will exclaim, “He has been here all the time!” At critical moments in our lives it is necessary to ask God for guidance, but it should be unnecessary to be constantly saying, “Oh, Lord, direct me in this, and in that.” Of course He will, and in fact, He is doing it already! If our everyday decisions are not according to His will, He will press through them, bringing restraint to our spirit. Then we must be quiet and wait for the direction of His presence."

"Mehul Gandhi, a devout Hindu, said that he found the cross of Christ to be the most overwhelming aspect of the Christian faith and singularly unique. Martin Luther King himself, voiced the same," (RZ). There is a quiet assurance in following Christ. There is a peace that no one else can give. Have you taken hold of that peace today. It is daily that we must seek Him and daily that we must choose to live for Him. Are you following Him today? Or are you settling for someone else that only offers a cheap imitation of salvation through work, not through love? He loved us enough to come to earth for us, to offer us Salvation by Grace, through the Cross. It was His work that purified us. It is His love that He offers. Do I love Him enough to allow Him to change my life?

In Training

Psalm 16, "Keep me safe, O God, for in You I take refuge. I said to the LORD, 'You are my Lord; apart from You I have no good thing.' As for the saints who are in the land, they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight... LORD, You have assigned me my portion and my cup; You have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the LORD always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because You will not abandon me to the grave, nor will You let Your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; You will fill me with joy in Your presence, with eternal pleasures at Your right hand."

Oh, how I love my Lord. My desire is to know Him. Intimately, I seek Him. My flesh is a battle ground and my glory is to find Him who battles for me. My life and my desires have been at war against my God, but now I can see the truth and that truth will set me free. For a time I may be having to live a more strict existence, but when the battle is won my freedom will reign. I have never had power over my flesh before. My life has been a life in slavery to every temptation that approached me. I have always felt weak and I learned how to lie so that I could continue on in slavery. What does He desire for me? How can I please the One who has set me free? Does He want me to continue in an existence that is now full of rules and limitations? No He wants me to learn to love Him more and for my desires to be for Him alone. 1 Samuel 15:22-23, "But Samuel replied: 'Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams. For rebellion is like the sin of divination, and arrogance like the evil of idolatry'..."

I don't always understand why God is asking me to do certain things. I often have an idea, but usually that assumption turns out to be wrong, or at least incomplete. We have a tendency to see in the physical. We even look at ourselves outwardly, in the flesh, rather than looking to our inner self. God sees our actions, but He sees more than our actions. He sees our hearts and our motives behind that action. He sees our hearts better than we do. We often fool ourselves into thinking that our hearts are good, even when our actions tell a different story. 1 Samuel 16:7, "But the LORD said to Samuel, 'Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.'"

We cannot get our actions and our hearts confused. I used to think that my actions did not tell my heart, but I was wrong. I would go out into the world and do some very horrible things. But then think, "I may doing bad, but my heart is good." I was wrong. My heart was bad, for my desires were evil. Then I came to a point in thinking, "I am doing good, so my heart is now good." I was wrong, for even though I was doing good, my desires are still for the flesh. I so desire for my heart and my actions to be in worship together. I want to see the truth in myself, so that I can walk in harmony and true worship with my Savior. Throughout my life I have been given the privilege by God to train my appetite. Oh, how my heart has been broken by what I have done and how I have abused my body. He is now taking me on a different path and this path is harder than it was supposed to be, all because of the training that I have done in the past. I have allowed my ideas and passions to confuse my body into believing a lie about what it is I think I need. In allowing my flesh to hunger for the wrong things, those wrong things have ended up devouring me. I have lived my life to see how far I could go, as close to the wrong side of living as I could get. What I must now do is to retrain my mind and my desires. It is much easier to say no, before you have tasted it. Than to say no, after you have tasted it. (RZ) I am in a training that God did not desire for me, but one that I chose when I was younger, for my desires have been trained by my living. My desire now is to live for my God. I want my desires and my heart to reflect His. I want my life to be a life of true worship to Him.

We have been given the privilege of training our appetites. What are you training your appetite for? Whether you want to believe it or not, what you do today affects how you live tomorrow. When you finally look back upon your life at the devastation and ruin you will see that it was not just in crossing a line that you have found devastation. But, it was in not drawing that line well before you were faced with that temptation that ultimately lead you down that broken path. That small thing that we choose to do today is actually training our appetites for our tomorrow. What path are we really choosing today for our tomorrow?

Consequences Today for Lessons Tomorrow

This morning tears fell from my face as I read the scriptures. Tears of concern for my children and the path that I am leading them down. My sons, my only two children that I am responsible for, what can I learn and what can I avoid as I raise them? 1 Samuel 1-8 is filled with parental failings and sons who are not part of God's chosen ones.

Eli, a priest, a respected man in the community, did not have sons that followed in his path. What did he do that he could raise Samuel to love the Lord, but his own sons had contempt for God and His Holiness? One thing that stands out as I read the scripture and the commentary that goes along with it is that he did not discipline his sons. When he saw them doing wrong, he turned a blind eye toward what they were doing. Instead of punishing them, he allowed God to be the disciplinarian and by that time they were older and they suffered the consequences that came with the sins we so often commit when we are supposed to be more mature. As I read this my attention has to be drawn to Samuel, as well. Why did he not follow in the same footsteps as Eli's sons. I must believe that Eli's sons were Samuel's examples to watch. Samuel was able to observe first hand what the outcome would be if he took God for granted and did not respect Him as the Holy One. Samuel's sons were no different than Eli's. Samuel did not know how to be a good father either, for his sons "were greedy for money. They accepted bribes and perverted justice," (8:3). What am I to learn from both of of these men as a parent? What can I do so that both of my sons are not lost as their sons were?

As I have experienced life and watched the outcome of others lives and how they were raised, I must stop and really evaluate what the truth is. There are two ways that stand out to me, I am sure there are more, but two that stand out to me in the lessons of Eli and Samuel. The lessons of consequences and how they are learned. In reading this morning I observed that these life lessons of consequences was learned in two ways. One with observing others, and one with children lost because of lessons that they never were taught. With all of my heart, might, and desire, I want my sons to learn the lesson of consequences, while the consequences are small in comparison. I speak to them often about how they need to think about the consequences that are to follow what actions they take. Good and bad consequences always follow whatever action we take. It is a natural law and I hope to train them to think ahead and see if the consequences are worth what they are doing in that brief moment. This lesson is the main lesson that everyone must learn. We as parents either discipline our own children, or they may learn it by observing others, or they will suffer in their adult life and experience the lesson the hardest way. Samuel learned by watching Eli's sons, but Eli's sons were lost in the process. Samuel's sons had no one to watch and suffered the consequences in their adult life. I am not willing to sacrifice one of my sons so the other can learn by observation alone.

So often as a parent it seems much easier to turn a blind eye and let yourself believe that they will figure things out on their own. Just the other day I was at the park and a child had a toy. While we watched the children playing, we observed that the child was not sharing. I heard the mother say, "I want to intervene, but he needs to learn to share on his own." This is a recipe for a selfish man in the making. Children do not learn like that. They must continually be taught. They must be made to think outside the world of "me, mine." So often I must intervene with my children and it is hard work. It is much easier to turn a blind eye and assume that they will learn the lesson themselves, but it is not always a lesson learned. Too often the life is lived out and the consequences of that lost life are devastating. Which of my children am I willing to sacrifice today for the lessons that I am not willing to teach them for tomorrow. The consequences are small today with the discipline that comes, but when they are older the consequences can be devastating if they do not suffer today. With disciplining my children today and letting them understand the pain that comes with the consequences of their choices, they have a better chance of becoming observant, obedient adults tomorrow. In the way that I am raising my children, am I showing them how much God loves them? Am I willing to be "the bad guy" today, so that they can enjoy their life tomorrow? How do I want them to learn about consequences? Is it going to be by watching their brother fall, falling themselves tomorrow, or by the sting of discipline today?

The Book of Eli

"The Book of Eli," now that was a good movie. I would not let my young children watch it, for it is very violent, but so good. The world has fallen apart from a war and the people are more corrupt than ever. God has been taken away and their hearts are rotten through and through. They have no meaning in life. This life is for survival of the fittest and anything goes.

Eli was a man on a mission. His job was to take the only bible that was left, West. He read it everyday. He read it so much that he had it memorized word for word. But, there was a lesson in this movie for me. My lesson was the same as Eli's lesson. Toward the end he stated that he had gotten so caught up in his mission of carrying the book west that he had forgotten to live by the lessons that he had learned. This is the same lesson that I must remember for myself. I can get so caught up in what I am showing others, that I forget that the true lesson everyday is my relationship with my God, and am I really desiring a real relationship with Him. Is my relationship with Him mainly based upon my blessings? Am I seeking Him hoping that He will bless me, or am I wanting a personal relationship with Him even if the physical blessings do not come.

Oswald Chambers, "The essential thing is my personal relationship with Jesus Christ— “...that I may know Him...” ( Philippians 3:10 ). To fulfill God’s perfect design for me requires my total surrender— complete abandonment of myself to Him. Whenever I only want things for myself, the relationship is distorted. And I will suffer great humiliation once I come to acknowledge and understand that I have not really been concerned about realizing Jesus Christ Himself, but only concerned with knowing what He has done for me."

When my children see me, do they see a woman in love with her God, and in response do they feel His love through me? Does my husband see me as a cranky tired woman, or does he see a young woman in love with life and free to laugh? When I start my days, I start them with God, but do I apply what I have been learning about my God to my actions in my everyday life? Or is this just part of my mission, for I feel driven to do this. Like Eli I feel driven to do certain things in this life. I feel a drive to share with others my story and my God, but am I missing that relationship with God along the way?

1 Samuel 2:1-2, “My heart rejoices in the Lord! The Lord has made me strong. Now I have an answer for my enemies; I rejoice because you rescued me. No one is holy like the Lord! There is no one besides you; there is no Rock like our God." There is nothing so important as my personal relationship with my Lord. While I walk out this salvation and do what He is calling me to do, I do not want to miss Him in this call. I want my love for Him to be seen by how I love my family. If I love everyone else but my family, I have loved no one. You've heard the saying, "If a man has loved a hundred women then the has loved none. But, if he has loved one, he has loved them all." If I love everyone else, but have not loved my family, then I have loved no one. If I have time for everyone else, but not enough time for my family, then I really have no real time for anyone.

"My goal is God Himself, not joy nor peace, Nor even blessing, but Himself, my God.Am I measuring my life by this standard or by something less?" (OC)
Am I seeking to know God and in knowing Him do I love more? What is my real mission; is it to work for Him, or to know and live by Him?

http://utmost.org/the-spiritually-self-seeking-church/

Draw a Picture

Psalm 145, "I will exalt you, my God the King; I will praise your name for ever and ever. Every day I will praise You and extol Your name for ever and ever. Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; His greatness no one can fathom. One generation will commend your works to another; they will tell of Your mighty acts... They will celebrate Your abundant goodness and joyfully sing of Your righteousness. The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The LORD is good to all; He has compassion on all He has made... The LORD is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him; He hears their cry and saves them. The LORD watches over all who love Him, but all the wicked He will destroy. My mouth will speak in praise of the LORD. Let every creature praise His holy name for ever and ever."

I am a woman in love. I love my God. He is my Shelter, my Rock. In Him I find my hiding place. In Him I feel free as a bird that has just been set free from a snare. Can you see it? Can you see how I love Him? When you think of God, what do you think of? Can you draw a picture of your description of your Lord?

He is my Shelter. When I feel lost in this life He becomes my shelter. It is like I am lost in the mountains. I am cold and wet from the rain. Then there is a clearing and in that moment I can see an abandoned cabin. I go to that cabin and open the door. There is wood and a kettle left by the fire place. In this brief moment I am safe. I may not yet be found by others and I may still be lost, but I know that I am safe. The fire warms my clothes and the kettle steams with warm water. I can survive the night for I have found my Shelter.

He is my Rock. When I find myself surrounded by unsteady ground and my world seems to be moving from under my feet, that is when I see the Rock. It is the one thing that nothing can move. He is the boulder that you can stand upon when the rivers of life are surrounding you. He stands high and sturdy. In Him I can withstand the flood waters and the ground will not move from under me.

He is my hiding place. When my children are playing hide-and-seek with their friends in our house, they know of all of the good hiding places. They can hide and never be found for they know our home and all of its secrets. My God is my hiding place. No one can find me, no one can harm me when I am hiding in Him. I know His secrets, for I live with Him and Him with me.

In my Lord I am free. Have you ever seen a bird struggle to get free from a trap? They struggle and struggle running their bodies into the sides of the cage. They batter themselves and bruise their bodies until at last the door is open. My God sets me free from my traps that I so often find myself in. If I will calm myself just enough to allow Him to open the doors for me, then I can find my way out and fly free with Him. In Him I find my freedom and learning to fly with Him has been my reward. Like a mother bird teaching her fledgling to fly. My God has set me free!

When you think of Christ can you draw a picture of your Savior. Most can only draw the cross. It is the most important visual you can get, but can you see Him in the different places you find yourself? Do you have a love relationship with your Savior. I once had someone ask me how my love was. My answer to him was about my God, not quite getting that he was actually talking about my husband. Do you get the two mixed up? For when I think of my lover, they are both so intertwined. Who is your Lover? Do you have a Shelter, a Rock, a Hiding Place? Are you free!!

Lying Tongue

Proverbs 12:19-20, "Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts only a moment. There is deceit in the hearts of those who plot evil, but joy for those who promote peace."

I went to bed last night thinking of the people I know, those who I thought I could trust, but because of their lying, I no longer trust anything about them. If there is anything that can ruin your relationships more, it is the lying we do to ourselves and to others. I have been this person. I have lied to those that I said that I loved. That road was the hardest to repave than any other. It was the lying to myself that I had to face first. We have a tendency to believe what we ourselves say. Our heart always knows the truth, but we can convince our minds to believe it. In Proverbs 6, seven things that the Lord hates are listed. Lying is the second. For when you lie about one thing, chances are you will lie about anything. Then no one can trust you.

Here are a few examples that most anyone can relate to. You (I) have either been this person, or you know them. First, if you have maxed out your credit card, then instead of paying it off, you go out and get another to do the same with; you are not only a lier, but a thief. When we do this we really have no intention of paying for that item, or that trip, or that.... you can fill in the blank. When we do this we are not only lying to the credit card people, but we are lying to those who see us spend money that way. We are pretending to be someone we are not. We become prideful and arrogant. Another example is someone that has gotten a divorce and blamed everything that went wrong on their spouse. The tendency is to blame everything on the other person, instead of recognizing your own sins in the relationship. I think this could be one reason why the bible says not to get a divorce. It is because we have a tendency to go on believing our own lies. For example: If when you are married and you have a messy house and you blame your spouse for that mess, who is to blame if you are still living in a mess when you no longer live with that person? When I was married to my ex I blamed him for my drug use. When he was no longer around, whose fault was it when I was still sneaking around getting high!

We are constantly lying to ourselves and in doing this we remain in bondage. In order to get out of that bondage we must learn to see ourselves for what we really are instead of blaming others and trying to not only deceive them, but deceive ourselves as well. We have been called to walk in truth and light. In order to do this we must first be truthful to ourselves about everything. We cannot blame our spouse for our bad decisions, or our bad attitude. He has called us to be a good example for them no matter what they are doing. Our society has made it very easy for us to walk around as liers. We have Internet and televisions in our homes, so no one can really see what we are looking at. We have credit cards and loans from banks, so it looks like we have more money than we really do. We can easily get a divorce and move on to our next spouse. We as a society have placed the blame on everyone else so much that no one is responsible any longer for their own sins. We no longer even call it a sin, but a mistake. If we do not come out and start looking at ourselves for what we really are, we will no longer need Christ and the cross. It is in seeing ourselves and our sins for what they really are that we can turn to Him and ask for forgiveness. It is in seeing and admitting truth that His truth and freedom reigns.

Eventually no one will believe a word you say, so you must first stop believing your own lies. Look to the truth and the truth will set you free. Anyone who walks in the darkness will stumble, but all who walk in the light of truth will be able to run freely. Can you see where you are walking, or are you walking blind thinking that others cannot see you either? There is only one who is blind in a relationship and that is the lier themselves.

Truth Revealed (Psalm 90)

Psalm 90, "Lord, through all the generations you have been our home! Before the mountains were born, before you gave birth to the earth and the world, from beginning to end, you are God."

This morning I got my cup of coffee and headed straight for my front porch. I sat for some time just soaking in the sounds of the world waking around me. My blanket covered me and the warmth of the cup in my hands kept me from the cold of the crisp mountain air. The longer I sat the more I noticed about the sweet aroma and the sounds of the mountains. Have you ever sat long enough that you can start hearing the different calls of the birds so that they all of a sudden become individuals, instead of a sound of just mixed noises. Oh, how I love my mornings with my Lord. It is in these most precious times that I am awakened to His mighty power and love.

I was lead to Psalm 90 this morning. It starts with the awesomeness of God and His mighty creation. He was here before this mighty creation was formed. He is the everlasting... I woke this morning first becoming aware of Him and His creation. But then the Psalm takes a turn I did not want to see this morning...
"You turn people back to dust, saying, 'Return to dust, you mortals!' For you, a thousand years are as a passing day, as brief as a few night hours. You sweep people away like dreams that disappear. They are like grass that springs up in the morning. In the morning it blooms and flourishes, but by evening it is dry and withered. We wither beneath your anger; we are overwhelmed by your fury. You spread out our sins before you— our secret sins—and you see them all. We live our lives beneath your wrath, ending our years with a groan. Seventy years are given to us! Some even live to eighty. But even the best years are filled with pain and trouble; soon they disappear, and we fly away. Who can comprehend the power of your anger? Your wrath is as awesome as the fear you deserve."

It starts with the awesomeness of Him and His creation, then it brings us to His wrath. I hate to think about the time of wandering that I have done and still do. I don't like to think of the pain and dryness of this world. Those times when God has allowed me to turn my back upon Him. Those secret sins. "You spread out our sins before you— our secret sins—and you see them all." Nothing is hidden. My heart is always exposed before Him, even when I cannot see the truth in myself- He does. Oh, but when the truth is revealed the joy that He truly desires for me is right there in the morning.

"Teach us to make the most of our time, so that we may grow in wisdom. O Lord, come back to us! How long will you delay? Take pity on your servants! Satisfy us each morning with your unfailing love, so we may sing for joy to the end of our lives. Give us gladness in proportion to our former misery! Replace the evil years with good. Let us, your servants, see you work again; let our children see your glory. And may the Lord our God show us his approval and make our efforts successful. Yes, make our efforts successful!"

Through realizing the truth about how I act and spend my time, through seeing the truth, I will gain wisdom and with wisdom I can enjoy my life. We are a foolish people for we often turn our backs upon God, but He always takes pity on us and satisfies us in the morning, for each new dawn brings new life. He will give us a gladness that is in proportion to our former misery! If we will allow Him to have our past, He will give us a new day today that far out weighs our sorrow from yesterday. I want to hear my God speaking truth about my life to me. Sometimes that truth does not bring me an instant feeling of contentment, but of rejection. It is when I allow Him to continue to speak to me in the morning that I can make good what He has taught me and my song of joys begin. It is in looking at the ugly truth, that the true beauty is revealed in me, for my body is the Temple of the Most High God. It is in looking to truth that wisdom is born and my children will see His glory. Through His glory I will sing, instead of groan. Through wisdom, this day has a new dawn. Can you sing a new song this day? Can you see the blessings that lay before you? This day He want to give you gladness in proportion to our former misery! This day He can replace the evil years with good.

Oswald Chambers, "If we are going to live as disciples of Jesus, we have to remember that all efforts of worth and excellence are difficult. The Christian life is gloriously difficult, but it difficulty does not make us faint and cave in—it stirs us up to overcome. Do we appreciate the miraculous salvation of Jesus Christ enough to be our utmost for His highest—our best for His glory?... Thank God that He does give us difficult things to do! His salvation is a joyous thing, but it is also something that requires bravery, courage, and holiness. It tests us for all we are worth. Jesus is “bringing many sons to glory” (Hebrews 2:10), and God will not shield us from the requirements of sonship. God’s grace produces men and women with a strong family likeness to Jesus Christ, not pampered, spoiled weaklings. It takes a tremendous amount of discipline to live the worthy and excellent life of a disciple of Jesus in the realities of life. And it is always necessary for us to make an effort to live a life of worth and excellence."

How I love my new song! How I love the truth that He reveals...

Listening to God Today

Oswald Chambers, "We always have visions, before a thing is made real. When we realize that although the vision is real, it is not real in us, then is the time that Satan comes in with his temptations, and we are apt to say it is no use to go on. Instead of the vision becoming real, there has come the valley of humiliation.
'Life is not as idle ore,
But iron dug from central gloom,
And batter'd by the shocks of doom
To shape and use.'
God gives us the vision, then He takes us down to the valley to batter us into the shape of the vision, and it is in the valley that so many of us faint and give way. Every vision will be made real if we will have patience. Think of the enormous leisure of God! He is never in a hurry. We are always in such a frantic hurry. In the light of the glory of the vision we go forth to do things, but the vision is not real in us yet; and God has to take us into the valley, and put us through fires and floods to batter us into shape, until we get to the place where He can trust us with the veritable reality. Ever since we had the vision God has been at work, getting us into the shape of the ideal, and over and over again we escape from His hand and try to batter ourselves into our own shape."

This morning I started my reading with Oswald. I don't usually do this, but this morning I did and in this I was reminded of my vision that God has given me. He has asked me to share with others what I have learned. Most people do not want to share with everyone everything about their life. Most people probably should not share everything, for this is not easy and if God had not asked me to do this then I would not be able to withstand the pressures afterward. But I have been called to do this. It burns within me and I cannot help but to do what I am doing. We all have something like this within each of us. We are here to be of use by God and if we will allow Him to speak to us, we can hear the call within us.

The hard part of allowing God to do His work in His timing. Some may think they have a great vision, but instead of allowing God to work through them, they take the matter into their own hands. This is a dangerous thing to do for like Abimelech in Judges 8:31-9:57, you can become overconfident, power hungry and ruthless. He took advantage of his father's position without imitating his father's character. This is something that I see many people doing. They think that since they have been born into a family that has established a reputation that reputation is theirs, without realizing that they are responsible for their own actions and what they do with their life. Many live on their families vision, without listening to the individual call of God upon their individual life.

Yet, others settle for no vision at all, just like Oswald said, "and we are apt to say it is no use to go on. Instead of the vision becoming real, there has come the valley of humiliation." Or we take the easy road and give our life little responsibility and pretend that doing really nothing to stretch yourself for God is a humble thing to do. This is the easy, yet very unfulfilling walk of most of us.

God never puts a desire within us and stands back and either expects us to go out and achieve it in our own time in our own way, or for us to feel like we are not worthy of this calling and that it is foolish for us to dream. If we are seeking Him and what His desires are, then we will always succeed. We will alway find a fulfillment in this life that nothing else could ever give us in our own searches.

Psalm 25, "O Lord, I give my life to you. I trust in you, my God! Do not let me be disgraced, or let my enemies rejoice in my defeat. No one who trusts in you will ever be disgraced, but disgrace comes to those who try to deceive others. Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you. Remember, O Lord, your compassion and unfailing love, which you have shown from long ages past. Do not remember the rebellious sins of my youth. Remember me in the light of your unfailing love, for you are merciful, O Lord. The Lord is good and does what is right; He shows the proper path to those who go astray. He leads the humble in doing right, teaching them His way. The Lord leads with unfailing love and faithfulness all who keep His covenant and obey His demands. For the honor of your name, O Lord, forgive my many, many sins. Who are those who fear the Lord? He will show them the path they should choose."

Has God shown you your path? Are you willing to reach out and to be used by God in every chance He gives you? Are you claiming God's ways, but actually walking in your own? Are we listening to God today??

Recognizing and being set Free from Sin

Psalm 32:1-5, "Oh, what joy for those whose disobedience is forgiven, whose sin is put out of sight! Yes, what joy for those whose record the Lord has cleared of guilt, whose lives are lived in complete honesty! When I refused to confess my sin, my body wasted away, and I groaned all day long. Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me. My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat. Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide my guilt. I said to myself, 'I will confess my rebellion to the Lord.' And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone."

Sin is a weird and wild thing. It can grab hold of us without us even realizing that we are sinning. My sin for some years now has been food. I loved food so much that I was unwilling to eat what I knew I should in order for my body to be healthy. I would even grab something when no one was looking, you know, sneak that delicatessen. That sin was easy for me, for it never showed up outwardly upon my figure, but inwardly I was in pain and my guilt was killing me without me even wanting to see it. It is not that I can never have anything, but those things were controlling me.

Definition of sin-- “Whatever weakens your reasoning, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, or takes away your relish for spiritual things. In short, if anything increases the authority and power of the flesh over the spirit, then that to you becomes sin, however good it is in itself.” (Susana Wesley, RZ)

Here recently I asked God's forgiveness for this sin. My sin was not only cheating and loving those sweet morsels and struggling in giving them up, but it was in treating God as if He did not know. The truth is, when you think no one else knows but you, there is at least one other who knows even more than you do about what you are doing. I think in retrospect, this has always been my sin. I treat God as if He is not omnipotent/omnipresent. I believe in my mind that He does not really care about my everyday life. While my mind is saying one thing, my heart is crying out for something that it knows my mind is missing. This tearing between my heart and my mind is the war within. It has been through my confession and my willingness to listen not only with my mind but my heart as well that I have found the strength, the desire, the ability to change. It is in combining these two resources, instead of them waring within that this past holiday, 4th of July, has not been a totally horrific burden.

Psalm 32:8-11, "The Lord says, 'I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you. Do not be like a senseless horse or mule that needs a bit and bridle to keep it under control.' Many sorrows come to the wicked, but unfailing love surrounds those who trust the Lord. So rejoice in the Lord and be glad, all you who obey Him! Shout for joy, all you whose hearts are pure!"

In opening my heart and mind towards God and His desires to show me a new path for learning to love myself, I planned ahead for this holiday with friends and food. I either took something with me that I could eat myself, or I just ate before we left. I did not feel left out and I did not feel burdened. He came in and allowed my mind to see what my heart had been calling out this entire time. I needed to set myself apart so that I could learn to love the unlovable... myself. I have seen His grace, mercy, and patience. Now He is teaching me how to see me as He sees me. In order to see this I must be set free from all desires that are controlling me and restraining me from learning to love myself.

Oswald Chambers, "...In spiritual issues it is customary for us to put God first, but we tend to think that it is inappropriate and unnecessary to put Him first in the practical, everyday issues of our lives. If we have the idea that we have to put on our “spiritual face” before we can come near to God, then we will never come near to Him. We must come as we are..."

What is the sin in your life that you may think no one else knows about? Are you waring within?

Will they call me Happy?

Proverbs 31:28-31, "Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 'Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.' Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate."

I heard a study done by Beth Moore at one time and I keep replaying it in my mind. In verse 28, "Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also..." I learned through Beth that the word blessed is actually the word Asher, which when directly translated means "happy". "Her children arise and call her happy; her husband also..."

When I think of my life, my attitude toward life; I have to wonder would people see me and call me happy. When they think of me, do they see joy unsurpassing? The woman in Proverbs 31 is supposed to be the ideal woman. She is diligent with her work. Her husband, her friends, her children can trust her. She is good with money. She is energetic. "She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs with no fear of the future."

As I look at my life I have to compare myself with this woman. I have to see her and see strength. But, I must also ask myself, what gives her these qualities? When I see certain people, whatever their walk in this life may be, what I notice most is their attitude. Some people have a spring in their step, even when you know their feet are hurting. When I think of Jesus alive and walking on this earth, I think of His smile, even though He was seen in Isaiah 53 much differently. "He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering."

Today is my oldest sons 7th birthday. Would he call me happy, or would he call me tired and grumpy? Luckily he is young and I can do better today than I did yesterday. My tomorrow with him will not be filled with sorrows. When he thinks of his childhood, I want him to to rise and call me happy. When others see me, I do not want them to see a woman who is battling physically with MS, but I want them to see a woman who is happy. No matter what my situation may be, it does not matter if my husband is perfect or not (which he is not, no one is); it does not matter if my children obey me right when I ask them to do something or not (which they don't); my situation should never predict my joy. My joy should always predict my attitude about life and my joy should always come from my Lord. "He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering." Yet, He is known as the Light of this world and we are to have a joy with Him that no situation can take from us. Today would my husband and children rise and call me happy? Tomorrow when my children are grown, will they look back on their childhood and say that their mother was happy? I say that I am happy. Does my reactions/actions reflect what I think I am, or am I lying to myself?

Oswald Chambers, "If the closest relationships of a disciple’s life conflict with the claims of Jesus Christ, then our Lord requires instant obedience to Himself. Discipleship means personal, passionate devotion to a Person— our Lord Jesus Christ. There is a vast difference between devotion to a person and devotion to principles or to a cause. Our Lord never proclaimed a cause— He proclaimed personal devotion to Himself. To be a disciple is to be a devoted bondservant motivated by love for the Lord Jesus. Many of us who call ourselves Christians are not truly devoted to Jesus Christ. No one on earth has this passionate love for the Lord Jesus unless the Holy Spirit has given it to him. We may admire, respect, and revere Him, but we cannot love Him on our own. The only One who truly loves the Lord Jesus is the Holy Spirit, and it is He who has “poured out in our hearts” the very “love of God” (Romans 5:5 ). Whenever the Holy Spirit sees an opportunity to glorify Jesus through you, He will take your entire being and set you ablaze with glowing devotion to Jesus Christ."

If I keep my focus on Christ and not my circumstances, then others will see me and call me happy!