There are so many things that I was not able to say to you when I was with you. On one hand, in my selfishness, I want you to be healed. I do not want you to go. But on the other, I know you are ready if you do. When I asked you if you were scare, you looked at me with confidence and said, "No, darling not at all." But, death is hard and it is something none of us are truly ready for. It is hard for me, because I am still here without you. But I want to thank you. Thank you for being so faithful. Thank you for giving me peace here. It is only because of your faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ that I can have peace in knowing Whose you are, when you are gone one day.
When my grandmother died, my mom had one regret. I felt that same regret when I left you the other day. Mom's regret was telling her to hold on till the others could get there and that they were coming. Later what she wanted to tell her mother was that she was so excited for her, for she was finally going Home. In my own want, I want to tell you to hold on. In my knowledge of where your destiny is, I want to tell you how excited I am for you if this is your time. You may soon be at true peace. If this is your time, your journey is just now about to begin!
My sweet friend,
Thank you for having your faith. This is all so selfish on my part, but thank you for giving me peace here, now. I can let you go if I have to, and not live in mourning when you do leave. I can do this all because of your faith. If there were no God and you were just gone, that would still be so sad. For then, all that would be left are my memories of you and when I am gone, then you would truly be gone too. If you had not been a believer and there is a God, that would be devastating for me and I would not be able to bear the thought. But, this is not the case at all. You are going Home. And I am so excited for you. When my grandmother died, we did not even really cry. I mean we were sad that we were no longer going to have her here, but we did not grieve her death. We rejoiced with her.
At the same time, I know how powerful our Lord is. I am still holding on to the fact that God could change His mind. "'Remember, LORD, how 'Daun' has walked before you faithfully and with wholehearted devotion and has done what is good in your eyes'...This is what the Lord says,'...I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will heal you... I will add fifteen years to your life'" (2 Kings 20) For me now, I am still holding on to the possibility that He can always change His mind. But if by chance, this is the last opportunity that I have, I am so excited for you. Thank you for giving me the wonderful memories that only you and I share. Thank you for helping me when I needed you the most. Most of all thank you for loving Christ, so that I can live here without you. When you do go Home, you will be reunited with your Husband. What wondrous joy. May He heal you. May He give you His peace. May He comfort you. I love you.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
To My Sweet Daunsie
2 Kings 20:1-6, "In those days Hezekiah became ill and was at the point of death. The prophet Isaiah son of Amoz went to him and said, 'This is what the LORD says: Put your house in order, because you are going to die; you will not recover.' Hezekiah turned his face to the wall and prayed to the LORD, 'Remember, LORD, how I have walked before you faithfully and with wholehearted devotion and have done what is good in your eyes.' And Hezekiah wept bitterly. Before Isaiah had left the middle court, the word of the LORD came to him: 'Go back and tell Hezekiah, the ruler of my people, ‘This is what the LORD, the God of your father David, says: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will heal you. On the third day from now you will go up to the temple of the LORD. I will add fifteen years to your life.'"
To my sweet Daunsie,
I want you to know the good that you have done. I want to tell you how much I love you. As I sat by your bed this weekend, I just could not get out the words that were burning within my heart. Every time that I have ever been with you I have felt like a student at the feet of her teacher. You have loved me with a love of a mother, my entire life. You have gotten in my face, in my space, and been the bossiest woman I have ever known. You are demanding and you speak what is on your mind, no matter what. This I love. I love it because I know you love me. I have always known you love me, because you are so intense with me. I want to thank you for showing me how to love with such passion and enthusiasm.
I so wish that I could have come to more SOS's. I wanted to, so badly, but the 1000 miles between us kept getting in my way! Those young women were blessed more than you will ever know. I know this, for look how much you blessed me. You have done your job very well. You have taken the gifts that you were given and you stretched yourself enough to teach others. Not many women are willing to lay aside their own insecurities and their own wants, in order to step out and help those younger than they are. I think they believe the lies that Satan is feeding them; that they have nothing to share and no one to teach. You did not do this, and I cannot thank you enough.
As I knelt beside you this weekend, I couldn't help but want to draw closer, so I could hear you better. I will stand with you in prayer. Now is the time for those you have loved to stand with you and hold you up to God. Now is the time for us to be strong with you. We will stand by you and pray Hezekiah's prayer with you.
"Remember, LORD, how 'Daun' has walked before you faithfully and with wholehearted devotion and has done what is good in your eyes."
"Why did Abraham stop praying when he did? He stopped because he still was lacking the level of intimacy in his relationship with God, which would enable him boldly to continue on with the Lord in prayer until his desire was granted. Whenever we stop short of our true desire in prayer and say, “Well, I don’t know, maybe this is not God’s will,” then we still have another level to go. It shows that we are not as intimately acquainted with God as Jesus was, and as Jesus would have us to be—“ (Oswald Chambers)
When we start to think that anything is too big for God, we must remember that nothing is too big. We stand with you, Daun, in prayer to our God. We ask Him to heal you and to restore you, to your health. We ask Him to give you fifteen more years, so that you can continue to teach those younger than you. Stay strong, sweet woman. Fight against the illness and do what you have to, in order to allow your body to become healthier. Fight against the nausea and eat, even though you do not feel like eating. Drink even though you do not feel like drinking. You do your part and we will do ours. Be strong, my sweet friend, I LOVE YOU....
To my sweet Daunsie,
I want you to know the good that you have done. I want to tell you how much I love you. As I sat by your bed this weekend, I just could not get out the words that were burning within my heart. Every time that I have ever been with you I have felt like a student at the feet of her teacher. You have loved me with a love of a mother, my entire life. You have gotten in my face, in my space, and been the bossiest woman I have ever known. You are demanding and you speak what is on your mind, no matter what. This I love. I love it because I know you love me. I have always known you love me, because you are so intense with me. I want to thank you for showing me how to love with such passion and enthusiasm.
I so wish that I could have come to more SOS's. I wanted to, so badly, but the 1000 miles between us kept getting in my way! Those young women were blessed more than you will ever know. I know this, for look how much you blessed me. You have done your job very well. You have taken the gifts that you were given and you stretched yourself enough to teach others. Not many women are willing to lay aside their own insecurities and their own wants, in order to step out and help those younger than they are. I think they believe the lies that Satan is feeding them; that they have nothing to share and no one to teach. You did not do this, and I cannot thank you enough.
As I knelt beside you this weekend, I couldn't help but want to draw closer, so I could hear you better. I will stand with you in prayer. Now is the time for those you have loved to stand with you and hold you up to God. Now is the time for us to be strong with you. We will stand by you and pray Hezekiah's prayer with you.
"Remember, LORD, how 'Daun' has walked before you faithfully and with wholehearted devotion and has done what is good in your eyes."
"Why did Abraham stop praying when he did? He stopped because he still was lacking the level of intimacy in his relationship with God, which would enable him boldly to continue on with the Lord in prayer until his desire was granted. Whenever we stop short of our true desire in prayer and say, “Well, I don’t know, maybe this is not God’s will,” then we still have another level to go. It shows that we are not as intimately acquainted with God as Jesus was, and as Jesus would have us to be—“ (Oswald Chambers)
When we start to think that anything is too big for God, we must remember that nothing is too big. We stand with you, Daun, in prayer to our God. We ask Him to heal you and to restore you, to your health. We ask Him to give you fifteen more years, so that you can continue to teach those younger than you. Stay strong, sweet woman. Fight against the illness and do what you have to, in order to allow your body to become healthier. Fight against the nausea and eat, even though you do not feel like eating. Drink even though you do not feel like drinking. You do your part and we will do ours. Be strong, my sweet friend, I LOVE YOU....
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Chasing Rabbits
"'As they followed they were afraid' —Mark 10:32
At the beginning of our life with Jesus Christ, we were sure we knew all there was to know about following Him. It was a delight to forsake everything else and to throw ourselves before Him in a fearless statement of love. But now we are not quite so sure. Jesus is far ahead of us and is beginning to seem different and unfamiliar— 'Jesus was going before them; and they were amazed' (Mark 10:32).
There is an aspect of Jesus that chills even a disciple’s heart to its depth and makes his entire spiritual life gasp for air. This unusual Person with His face set 'like a flint' (Isaiah 50:7) is walking with great determination ahead of me, and He strikes terror right through me. He no longer seems to be my Counselor and Friend and has a point of view about which I know nothing. All I can do is stand and stare at Him in amazement. At first I was confident that I understood Him, but now I am not so sure. I begin to realize that there is a distance between Jesus and me and I can no longer be intimate with Him. I have no idea where He is going, and the goal has become strangely distant.
Jesus Christ had to understand fully every sin and sorrow that human beings could experience, and that is what makes Him seem unfamiliar. When we see this aspect of Him, we realize we really don’t know Him. We don’t recognize even one characteristic of His life, and we don’t know how to begin to follow Him. He is far ahead of us, a Leader who seems totally unfamiliar, and we have no friendship with Him.
The discipline of dismay is an essential lesson which a disciple must learn. The danger is that we tend to look back on our times of obedience and on our past sacrifices to God in an effort to keep our enthusiasm for Him strong (see Isaiah 1:10-11). But when the darkness of dismay comes, endure until it is over, because out of it will come the ability to follow Jesus truly, which brings inexpressibly wonderful joy." (Oswald Chambers)
This is where I am currently. Many times though this new journey with Christ, I have been very confident in where He was taking me. Then other times, like now, I can become very insecure. Just the other day I was in Ouray with my family and had to step away from them in order to have some quiet so that I could set the day in focus. (I must start my day with Christ, otherwise I can be a monster.) I separated myself and went and sat on a bridge overlooking the river. I sat there and begged God to show me. Show me where I am supposed to go and what I was supposed to do next. "Please God, help me. I do not want to be chasing rabbits down a rabbit hole and miss what I have right in front of me. I do not want to be spending all this energy and time on something that is just leading me astray from what is truly important. I do not want to be striving for something that is not going to do anything, but to draw my attention away from my family. Help me to keep focus. Do not let me loose relationship with them and with You while I travel this path. Help me keep the moment in front of me as my focus while I try my best to obey You in the everyday."
Stepping out in obedience can be some of the hardest and most insecure times in our life. I do not want to look like a fool. I do not want to miss what God really has for me. I do not want to chase rabbits down a rabbit hole. I do not want to disobey, while trying to obey. It can become very confusing.
Then God sends me Oswald and I can hear Him speaking to me.... "Wait. Be patient. Just keep today as your focus and do your best today. You are not here to conquer the world. You are here to enjoy and have peace in this moment. You are here to love those I have given you. Tomorrow will take care of tomorrow. Work when I tell you to work and rest when I tell you to rest. Nothing may happen in others eyes, but you will be able to see Me more clearly. Show your children, today, how much I love them. Show your husband, today, how much I love him. It is in the moment that you will find My peace and love. I will take care of the big picture. You take care of the moment, while you walk in obedience to Me, today."
At the beginning of our life with Jesus Christ, we were sure we knew all there was to know about following Him. It was a delight to forsake everything else and to throw ourselves before Him in a fearless statement of love. But now we are not quite so sure. Jesus is far ahead of us and is beginning to seem different and unfamiliar— 'Jesus was going before them; and they were amazed' (Mark 10:32).
There is an aspect of Jesus that chills even a disciple’s heart to its depth and makes his entire spiritual life gasp for air. This unusual Person with His face set 'like a flint' (Isaiah 50:7) is walking with great determination ahead of me, and He strikes terror right through me. He no longer seems to be my Counselor and Friend and has a point of view about which I know nothing. All I can do is stand and stare at Him in amazement. At first I was confident that I understood Him, but now I am not so sure. I begin to realize that there is a distance between Jesus and me and I can no longer be intimate with Him. I have no idea where He is going, and the goal has become strangely distant.
Jesus Christ had to understand fully every sin and sorrow that human beings could experience, and that is what makes Him seem unfamiliar. When we see this aspect of Him, we realize we really don’t know Him. We don’t recognize even one characteristic of His life, and we don’t know how to begin to follow Him. He is far ahead of us, a Leader who seems totally unfamiliar, and we have no friendship with Him.
The discipline of dismay is an essential lesson which a disciple must learn. The danger is that we tend to look back on our times of obedience and on our past sacrifices to God in an effort to keep our enthusiasm for Him strong (see Isaiah 1:10-11). But when the darkness of dismay comes, endure until it is over, because out of it will come the ability to follow Jesus truly, which brings inexpressibly wonderful joy." (Oswald Chambers)
This is where I am currently. Many times though this new journey with Christ, I have been very confident in where He was taking me. Then other times, like now, I can become very insecure. Just the other day I was in Ouray with my family and had to step away from them in order to have some quiet so that I could set the day in focus. (I must start my day with Christ, otherwise I can be a monster.) I separated myself and went and sat on a bridge overlooking the river. I sat there and begged God to show me. Show me where I am supposed to go and what I was supposed to do next. "Please God, help me. I do not want to be chasing rabbits down a rabbit hole and miss what I have right in front of me. I do not want to be spending all this energy and time on something that is just leading me astray from what is truly important. I do not want to be striving for something that is not going to do anything, but to draw my attention away from my family. Help me to keep focus. Do not let me loose relationship with them and with You while I travel this path. Help me keep the moment in front of me as my focus while I try my best to obey You in the everyday."
Stepping out in obedience can be some of the hardest and most insecure times in our life. I do not want to look like a fool. I do not want to miss what God really has for me. I do not want to chase rabbits down a rabbit hole. I do not want to disobey, while trying to obey. It can become very confusing.
Then God sends me Oswald and I can hear Him speaking to me.... "Wait. Be patient. Just keep today as your focus and do your best today. You are not here to conquer the world. You are here to enjoy and have peace in this moment. You are here to love those I have given you. Tomorrow will take care of tomorrow. Work when I tell you to work and rest when I tell you to rest. Nothing may happen in others eyes, but you will be able to see Me more clearly. Show your children, today, how much I love them. Show your husband, today, how much I love him. It is in the moment that you will find My peace and love. I will take care of the big picture. You take care of the moment, while you walk in obedience to Me, today."
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