Reflections on Prayer

I received a text question last night from one of my friends about prayer. He started off with scripture verses Matthew 7:7-8, “Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened." And also Hebrews 11:1, "Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." Here were his questions: Have you ever been unsure of what to ask God for? How did you make up your mind?

As I sit here thinking of this young man's heart and his prayer, my mind reels with my own prayers and how each one was answered, mainly through the unanswered ways of God. Let me give some examples, maybe this will make it more clear as my mind sifts through and unfolds the "easy" examples.

With my first pregnancy I did not find out the sex of the baby until it was revealed at birth. My heart was hard against men and I was afraid that if I found out it was a boy child, I would not love him. Every morning and evening I begged God, "Please give me a girl.  Please!"  I was giving God a chance to change His mind and turn the child into a girl at the very last second if He needed to. Delivery time, the doctor placed the baby on my stomach and I looked at my SON! Betrayal... for both of us is all I could feel. "How could you do this to me!" I cried out to God. "How could you do this to him? I cannot raise a man child! I hate men!"

For 5 days I reeled with unanswered questions. 5 days, until I found myself on a plane out of Gunnison watching the nurses take care of my baby as we were flight for life to Denver. My world was spinning. My prayers were begging God not to take him and my mind was determined that I would love this man child.

Another time, oh whose kidding, for years I begged God to take away my MS. I begged and pleaded with Him to heal me. I had memorized the entire book of James. I was seeking God like no other. My life was changed and I no longer desired the same things. I was living Good and I knew the scripture. So I took James 5 to our church leaders. "Are any of you sick? You should call for the elders of the church to come and pray over you, anointing you with oil in the name of the Lord. Such a prayer offered in faith will heal the sick, and the Lord will make you well." Over and over, I had different people pouring oil on me, praying for my healing. My hair has never been more healthy as the time on my knees and oil on my head. People, I am sure, were tired of my begging. But I kept knocking, for I just knew the door had to open... I still have MS. Unanswered Prayers

I have so many examples of prayers offered, prayers that seemed unanswered. However, each time He has been there revealing my broken heart. Showing me that what He truly desires is for my heart to be healed. Its not about my circumstances, even though I seem to think it is. It is about my heart and how I value myself, how I see my God, how I do/do not love others. Hebrews 11:13, "All these people died still believing what God had promised them. They did not receive what was promised, but they saw it all from a distance and welcomed it." How do I see my relationship with my God? Can I still walk confidently in faith without my answer to my prayers?

I have a very good life! I know that my God loves me, but it isn't through my desires being given to me. I wanted a girl, I have my girl through my college girls He has showered on me. I needed healing. I have been healed. My heart was hard toward men. Now I know, they are not my enemies. I needed that son to begin to soften my heart. My hands are still numb and I stumble when I walk. It is a battle, but not a physical battle. It is a battle in learning to love myself. Without MS, I would live with indulgence. I wouldn't learn the lesson of restraint and how to truly take care of me. He loves me too much to allow me to live as a glutton. For everything that I would do, nothing would be good for me. I've proven that one!

God does heal people all of the time. Its just not always how we think it should be. God does answer all of our prayers, but it is often not how we think it is going to be. I have changed my perception of how God answers prayers. He is not Santa, but a God who loves me too much than to leave me the way I am. He sees my heart. He knows that above anything else, my heart is what needs healing. My heart needs focusing on Him, no matter what I'm doing, what is going on in my life, the circumstances that may come up. Where is my focus? As I start my day, am I willing to listen to what He is trying to say to me? Am I willing to accept His answers to my prayers? Do I love Him enough to allow Him to change my life through changing my heart? Do I focus on things of this world, or a relationship with Him? Will I be okay through the storms of life? Am I strengthening myself now for what is to come later? Can I still believe and have faith when I see "my prayers" for myself answered in someone else's life? (ex: They're physically healed from their disease. Mine is still hanging on.) What are your prayers? Are you willing to allow God the sovereignty to know more than you and to give Him your heart and time even if?

Let me make it clear, I pray all of the time about my wants and needs! "Please heal my body" is still right at the top.  "Please take care of... as they travel."  "Help me this day in....."  I'm always giving my requests to God.  But my focus is trying to change, as He is trying to change my hearts desire to match His desire. Its not about, "should I take this job or that?" "What is going to happen to my life if...?" It is all about your heart walk with God...
He does "give jobs, heal the diseases, change our circumstances" , but through it all He is constantly calling us in relationship to Him.  How is He calling you?  How is He healing my heart?

Jim McGuiggan, Reflections on Prayer