One of my favorite couples in the bible is Aquila and Priscilla. Not too much is said about them in the bible, but what is said is of great importance. Most of their story is found in Acts 18. They worked as a team in ministering to people about Jesus Christ. They opened their home and invited people into their world. I love this.
I have been on the failing side of marriage and on the good side. I have experience what happens in a marriage when God is not the focus and I have discovered the wonderful joys when Christ is the center.
In my previous marriage we were focused on ourselves. We did not look to God for direction in our life. Our marriage was consumed with sexual sin and drugs. I discovered that, in not allowing God to direct that marriage, our marriage was doomed from the beginning. Satan entered into my ex-husband with the allure, that the world of pornography and drugs was a better life. I followed my husband, I played the roll of a victim. I did everything that he wanted of me, in the belief that as long as I was obeying him, we would survive and have a happy marriage. I was so misdirected, so confused and so lost.
Yes, you are supposed to obey your husband and respect his wishes, but I was not supposed to go along with his desires that were directed by sin. My job was to show him, respectfully, that I was to follow God first and in obeying God first, my ex-husband may have been saved and our marriage may have ended in strength. I was weak, I was lost and I was the one that was wrong. I can blame no one, but myself for the decisions that I, ultimately, made. I chose to live in sin. How sad that truly is.
That marriage was doomed from the beginning. Going to Vegas to get married, was a good sign. I did not intend on leaving him, I just needed help in getting my life back together. God knew I needed to get out, in order to save my soul. I was too weak, and he knew that. I left with fear, resentment, hate, bitterness, and just plain contempt for men in general. I was so lost, but I knew I needed God. Everything I had done on my own, I had messed up. God had to do this one, and boy, did he.
Only one month after I had left, God introduced me to Jason. He took an enemy of mine, a man, and showed me who Jesus was. I saw him as week and pathetic, like I saw all men. I desperately wanted to follow God, but what was he thinking? I was just along for the ride. I had told God, if he would just guide me I would follow, but surly this could not be the answer. How wonderful God is, how mysterious are his ways.
Jason and I entered into our relationship with God as the director. Jason, a virgin, couldn't really understand what God was doing, telling him to be with me. I could not understand what God was doing, telling me to be with a man that I saw as truly one of the weakest men I had known. You see, I thought that being a man, was being macho. I was shown that true masculinity begins with strength from within. Jason is one of the strongest men I have ever known. I am so proud of my strong husband. He is not my savior, Jesus is my savior. Jason did allow God to use him. He showed a hurting, broken woman how strong a man of God truly is.
In saying all of this, brings me back to the purpose of writing this, God can give you what you need, when you are ready for him. One of the greatest married teams of the bible, Aquila and Priscilla, allowed God to direct their marriage. Jason and I truly try to model our relationship after them. We open our lives and our home up, for the desires of God. We try and hold nothing back, for God is the owner of our lives, and really, we are just here for the ride. I try and allow the mistakes I have made to help others on their journey in knowing God. So, they can make better choices than I did.
I have discovered my role, as my husband's helper. Jason is the leader of our home and his leader is Christ. This marriage, because Christ is the center, is working and strong. This is the only way to have a truly fulfilling relationship with your spouse. I have tried it both ways. Christ is the only one that brings true joy. Submitting to a godly man is true liberation.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Good blog
I have found one of the best blog spots. http://proverbs14verse1.blogspot.com/
These peole are worth visiting. Go there, learn more about following Christ.
These peole are worth visiting. Go there, learn more about following Christ.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
War that rages within
I have been struggling with a war within myself, for sometime now. I have been struggling with salvation and the responsibilities that are upon me in this whole process. When was I saved and did I ever really leave God? I do not have an answer for my question and I do not really know if I ever truly will. All that I do know is that, I do not have to worry about it now and I am saved now, and that is all that really matters.
The questions that I deal with are: Is the heart enough or do you really have to show you love God by your actions? In one part the heart is all that matters. God wants your heart and everything else will fall in place over time. At different times in my life I struggled with different levels of knowing and loving God. When I was young I struggled mostly with sexual sin. I thought that once I was married that struggle would be over. It was not! (My ex-husband struggled with sexual sin, so that sin was not fixed with marriage. That is when I started stripping, after I was married.) It really was not a struggle with what I was doing, but a struggle with my heart. This struggle still continues, even though I truly know that I love God and desire nothing more than to please him.
I now struggle with being good enough. The answer to this is; I will never be good enough. It is only through grace in Jesus Christ that I am or ever will be good enough. Am I more saved now than I was seven years ago when I was stripping and asking God to save me from myself? Now that I truly desire to do what God wants me to do, am I better off? The only answer that I can come up with is, No. I am no more saved now than I was, I just know a little more now than I did then.
I am so glad that I am not the judge or I would have sentenced myself to hell many years ago. I do not know that I would have gone to heaven when I was choosing to live in sin, for I still sin. I loose my patience with my children almost daily, I second guess my life and how far, I still know, I need to go. The only thing that I do know is that, God is good and he knows the answers that I do not have to know. I do not recommend that anyone choose to live a life they know is not God's choice for them, that is walking too close to the line for comfort. It is much better to try your best and say, today I am doing my best to live for God. That is a much more comforting feeling than having to beg God to hang in there with you, until you decide that you want to finally turn to him in the pit of your own hell. Maybe then, he will have heard your heart and known more than you about what you truly believe, and that through it all you really did believe in him.
I am so glad that I did not die in that time of my life, that time when I knew who God was in theory but had no idea who he was in my life. I am so glad he allowed me to live long enough to see the other side and how much he does love me. I am so thankful that I did not have to make the decision to send me to heaven or hell, when I was choosing to live a deplorable existence apart from God. Did my knowing him in my head and asking him to forgive me even though I was choosing to live in sin, was that enough? I do not know, I am thankful that I am not the judge, because everything in my head tells me that I was destined for hell.
There are passages throughout the bible that say you will know if you love God because you will obey him. But, there are also many passages that say God's grace is enough and you cannot earn your way to heaven. In the end God knows you and that is what matters. I know more now, so I do better now. I have to live each day, from today, and not worry about "was I saved when," that will drive you crazy and you will have to come to the conclusion that no one will ever be good enough. That is why Christ died for the whole world. No one is good enough. He is good enough for us all at any stage in our life. Each day you know a little more, so each day you do a little better. I have to stop worrying about if I was saved and just thank God that he did save me. I am saved now, that is all that matters. It does not matter when he saved me, but that I have asked him to save me now. He promises that the cross is enough, even for me. Even when I was at my worst, He was and still is enough.
The questions that I deal with are: Is the heart enough or do you really have to show you love God by your actions? In one part the heart is all that matters. God wants your heart and everything else will fall in place over time. At different times in my life I struggled with different levels of knowing and loving God. When I was young I struggled mostly with sexual sin. I thought that once I was married that struggle would be over. It was not! (My ex-husband struggled with sexual sin, so that sin was not fixed with marriage. That is when I started stripping, after I was married.) It really was not a struggle with what I was doing, but a struggle with my heart. This struggle still continues, even though I truly know that I love God and desire nothing more than to please him.
I now struggle with being good enough. The answer to this is; I will never be good enough. It is only through grace in Jesus Christ that I am or ever will be good enough. Am I more saved now than I was seven years ago when I was stripping and asking God to save me from myself? Now that I truly desire to do what God wants me to do, am I better off? The only answer that I can come up with is, No. I am no more saved now than I was, I just know a little more now than I did then.
I am so glad that I am not the judge or I would have sentenced myself to hell many years ago. I do not know that I would have gone to heaven when I was choosing to live in sin, for I still sin. I loose my patience with my children almost daily, I second guess my life and how far, I still know, I need to go. The only thing that I do know is that, God is good and he knows the answers that I do not have to know. I do not recommend that anyone choose to live a life they know is not God's choice for them, that is walking too close to the line for comfort. It is much better to try your best and say, today I am doing my best to live for God. That is a much more comforting feeling than having to beg God to hang in there with you, until you decide that you want to finally turn to him in the pit of your own hell. Maybe then, he will have heard your heart and known more than you about what you truly believe, and that through it all you really did believe in him.
I am so glad that I did not die in that time of my life, that time when I knew who God was in theory but had no idea who he was in my life. I am so glad he allowed me to live long enough to see the other side and how much he does love me. I am so thankful that I did not have to make the decision to send me to heaven or hell, when I was choosing to live a deplorable existence apart from God. Did my knowing him in my head and asking him to forgive me even though I was choosing to live in sin, was that enough? I do not know, I am thankful that I am not the judge, because everything in my head tells me that I was destined for hell.
There are passages throughout the bible that say you will know if you love God because you will obey him. But, there are also many passages that say God's grace is enough and you cannot earn your way to heaven. In the end God knows you and that is what matters. I know more now, so I do better now. I have to live each day, from today, and not worry about "was I saved when," that will drive you crazy and you will have to come to the conclusion that no one will ever be good enough. That is why Christ died for the whole world. No one is good enough. He is good enough for us all at any stage in our life. Each day you know a little more, so each day you do a little better. I have to stop worrying about if I was saved and just thank God that he did save me. I am saved now, that is all that matters. It does not matter when he saved me, but that I have asked him to save me now. He promises that the cross is enough, even for me. Even when I was at my worst, He was and still is enough.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Does God like us? Does he love us?
I was asked this question the other day and was wanting some help with the answer. I would love some comments on this one so that we can find the truth in God's word. The person who made the statement "God doesn't like us but he loves us" was mainly speaking to people who had a hidden sin they walked with in life.
Question:
Someone told me that "God doesn't like us but He loves us." I didn't agree with that and I was trying to find God's truth in the matter. Let me know what you think. Revelation 3:19 "As many as I love...." That meaning for love in the Strong's meant "to be a friend; FOND OF; have affection for; to kiss (as a mark of tenderness)".Deut 7:13 "And He will love you...." That love meant in the Strong's "to have affection for (sexually or otherwise); love; LIKE; friend." So to me that means God really does like us, He just may not like our actions. We are His children, how can you not like your children? Even if the do bad things? What do you think. I don't want to believe this just so I can feel good. I want to know God's truth. Oh how I want to talk to Him face to face. I know I would not survive the matter, but I do.
Answer:
No, I do not think God likes people who are living in sin. He may love them, but like them, I really don't think so. In James 2:14ff it talks about faith with out actions, and that if your actions do not back up your faith then, you really do not have faith at all. Abraham was willing to do what ever God asked him to do. "His faith was made complete by what he did, by his actions." He was even called "the friend of God." I do think that being God's friend is a position earned. Not everyone gets to be the "friend of God." No, I do not think that the people who are secretly living in sin are liked by God. We have to live our lives so that what we do in private is the same as in public. We are truly never alone. We must remember that God is always watching and seeing everything that we do and knows our hearts. Our goal is to be like Jesus. John 18:20 "I have been heard by people everywhere, and I teach nothing in private that I have not said in public." In many cases, people's private lives do not reflect what they are teaching.
I believe that God loves all of us, he would not have been willing to sacrifice his son if he did not. I really do not think that he can like us if we are hiding a secret sin in our lives. We are choosing to turn from him, if we are choosing sin instead of God.
Please help me with this one. Comments welcome.
Question:
Someone told me that "God doesn't like us but He loves us." I didn't agree with that and I was trying to find God's truth in the matter. Let me know what you think. Revelation 3:19 "As many as I love...." That meaning for love in the Strong's meant "to be a friend; FOND OF; have affection for; to kiss (as a mark of tenderness)".Deut 7:13 "And He will love you...." That love meant in the Strong's "to have affection for (sexually or otherwise); love; LIKE; friend." So to me that means God really does like us, He just may not like our actions. We are His children, how can you not like your children? Even if the do bad things? What do you think. I don't want to believe this just so I can feel good. I want to know God's truth. Oh how I want to talk to Him face to face. I know I would not survive the matter, but I do.
Answer:
No, I do not think God likes people who are living in sin. He may love them, but like them, I really don't think so. In James 2:14ff it talks about faith with out actions, and that if your actions do not back up your faith then, you really do not have faith at all. Abraham was willing to do what ever God asked him to do. "His faith was made complete by what he did, by his actions." He was even called "the friend of God." I do think that being God's friend is a position earned. Not everyone gets to be the "friend of God." No, I do not think that the people who are secretly living in sin are liked by God. We have to live our lives so that what we do in private is the same as in public. We are truly never alone. We must remember that God is always watching and seeing everything that we do and knows our hearts. Our goal is to be like Jesus. John 18:20 "I have been heard by people everywhere, and I teach nothing in private that I have not said in public." In many cases, people's private lives do not reflect what they are teaching.
I believe that God loves all of us, he would not have been willing to sacrifice his son if he did not. I really do not think that he can like us if we are hiding a secret sin in our lives. We are choosing to turn from him, if we are choosing sin instead of God.
Please help me with this one. Comments welcome.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Jesus' Prayer My Prayer
John 17:6-19
"I have told these men about you...you gave them to me. Actually, they were always yours, and you gave them to me; and they have kept your word. Now they know that everything I have is a gift from you, for I have passed on to them the words you gave me;
My prayer is not for the world, but for those you have given me, because they belong to you. And all of them , since they are mine, belong to you; and you have given them back to me, so they are my glory! Holy Father, keep them and care for them-all those you have given me-so that they will be united just as we are. During my time here, I have kept them safe. I guarded them so that not one was lost.
I have told them many things while I was with them so they would be filled with my joy. I have given them your word. I'm not asking you to take them out of the world, but to keep them safe from the evil one. They are not part of this world any more than I am. Make them pure and holy by teaching them your words of truth. As you sent me into the world, I am sending them into the world. I give myself entirely to you so they also might be entirely yours."
Oh Father, you tell us that your words are the most powerful tool that we have. I speak Jesus' words over my children, let his prayer become my prayer. These young men you have given me were yours first. Help me to raise them so that they know you and you are in their hearts always. Thank you Lord, for your promises are true. I pray this prayer over my boys in your Son's most Holy, most Precious Name, Amen
"I have told these men about you...you gave them to me. Actually, they were always yours, and you gave them to me; and they have kept your word. Now they know that everything I have is a gift from you, for I have passed on to them the words you gave me;
My prayer is not for the world, but for those you have given me, because they belong to you. And all of them , since they are mine, belong to you; and you have given them back to me, so they are my glory! Holy Father, keep them and care for them-all those you have given me-so that they will be united just as we are. During my time here, I have kept them safe. I guarded them so that not one was lost.
I have told them many things while I was with them so they would be filled with my joy. I have given them your word. I'm not asking you to take them out of the world, but to keep them safe from the evil one. They are not part of this world any more than I am. Make them pure and holy by teaching them your words of truth. As you sent me into the world, I am sending them into the world. I give myself entirely to you so they also might be entirely yours."
Oh Father, you tell us that your words are the most powerful tool that we have. I speak Jesus' words over my children, let his prayer become my prayer. These young men you have given me were yours first. Help me to raise them so that they know you and you are in their hearts always. Thank you Lord, for your promises are true. I pray this prayer over my boys in your Son's most Holy, most Precious Name, Amen
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Spirit of Truth
I read, this morning, from John 16. I didn't get very far because I just kept realizing how awesome Jesus is. Wow, it is just so cool, when you finally hear him jumping out of the page and speaking right to you. He has sent us his counselor, his Holy Spirit, "he will convince the world of its sin...the world's sin is unbelief in me." I read this and just about jumped off of the couch. OUCH! He is saying it just that plainly. The only reason that we sin is because, we really do not have belief in him.
Yes, I know we all have fallen short and sin every day. But, there is a difference in living in sin, knowing that we should not be doing something, just not caring and doing it anyway. That is living in sin. Premeditated sin, something that you know you shouldn't do, but you don't care. Other sin, is when we are trying our best to do the right thing and then fall short. I am not perfect, I mess up every day. I will probably in someway, have to explain to my boys that I did not act right about something, or I shouldn't have said something. I may have to apologize to my husband, because I acted in some way that showed him disrespect. (I am getting much better about this one. I had a lot of hate in my heart, at one time.) But, that is different than, living in sin. I know, I used to live in sin. I would be driving to the club and asking God to hang in there with me and to be patient. Then, I would spit in his face by going into that nasty place. (That one, is obvious. Many of us do these sort of things, every day. You know the, "I just don't care attitude, it's all about me.") I was living in sin.
Now, I wake with Christ in my heart and in my thoughts. I try my best, to walk the path he is leading me down. I believe in him, I no longer walk in sin. Holy Spirit, the "Spirit of truth" has come and he is guiding me to all truth. I sin when I choose to not listen to what he is telling me. It is a daily, minute by minute decision that I will one day have to answer for. I thank God for my ability to come directly to him and talk with him. In Christ's name I have power over my life now. I am a powerful woman! I used to think I had power by doing what I wanted and not having to "answer" to anyone. I was so weak. I can say this now, because I have truly lived on both sides. I am now powerful, I am free.
"Thank you Lord, for waiting patiently for me. Thank you, for not letting me die without you. Be patient still Father, there are still so many out there that are struggling in darkness. Wait for them, call them soon. Do not let them struggle for too long. All that time does is; create more memories to build in their mind, so that one day, they will wish they never made those awful decisions. Open mother's hearts so they can love their children enough, so that one day those babies will feel your love because of their mothers. Make men strong; do not let them succumb to the deceits of this world. I know this world and the lies it tells. Give all of us strength to push through and allow you to walk with us, and to feel you leading our steps. Thank you Father, for your awesome power and for your truth. Help me to live this day to glorify you, my Lord. Make me a good helper for my husband and a good mother for my children. In your Son's most Holy, most precious name I pray these things, Amen."
Yes, I know we all have fallen short and sin every day. But, there is a difference in living in sin, knowing that we should not be doing something, just not caring and doing it anyway. That is living in sin. Premeditated sin, something that you know you shouldn't do, but you don't care. Other sin, is when we are trying our best to do the right thing and then fall short. I am not perfect, I mess up every day. I will probably in someway, have to explain to my boys that I did not act right about something, or I shouldn't have said something. I may have to apologize to my husband, because I acted in some way that showed him disrespect. (I am getting much better about this one. I had a lot of hate in my heart, at one time.) But, that is different than, living in sin. I know, I used to live in sin. I would be driving to the club and asking God to hang in there with me and to be patient. Then, I would spit in his face by going into that nasty place. (That one, is obvious. Many of us do these sort of things, every day. You know the, "I just don't care attitude, it's all about me.") I was living in sin.
Now, I wake with Christ in my heart and in my thoughts. I try my best, to walk the path he is leading me down. I believe in him, I no longer walk in sin. Holy Spirit, the "Spirit of truth" has come and he is guiding me to all truth. I sin when I choose to not listen to what he is telling me. It is a daily, minute by minute decision that I will one day have to answer for. I thank God for my ability to come directly to him and talk with him. In Christ's name I have power over my life now. I am a powerful woman! I used to think I had power by doing what I wanted and not having to "answer" to anyone. I was so weak. I can say this now, because I have truly lived on both sides. I am now powerful, I am free.
"Thank you Lord, for waiting patiently for me. Thank you, for not letting me die without you. Be patient still Father, there are still so many out there that are struggling in darkness. Wait for them, call them soon. Do not let them struggle for too long. All that time does is; create more memories to build in their mind, so that one day, they will wish they never made those awful decisions. Open mother's hearts so they can love their children enough, so that one day those babies will feel your love because of their mothers. Make men strong; do not let them succumb to the deceits of this world. I know this world and the lies it tells. Give all of us strength to push through and allow you to walk with us, and to feel you leading our steps. Thank you Father, for your awesome power and for your truth. Help me to live this day to glorify you, my Lord. Make me a good helper for my husband and a good mother for my children. In your Son's most Holy, most precious name I pray these things, Amen."
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Love
When I read this morning, I quickly discovered that I was on my favorite topic, LOVE. (I read from the Life Application Study Bible, New Living Translation. I like this because it flows very nicely and is easy to understand. I am now re-reading the bible, but this time I am going through and reading the parts that I had underlined the first time through. I want to know what impacted me the most and why.) I am currently in John 14-15. Love, how do we know we really love God? By how we act and the fruit that we produce. I once thought that I loved God. I was just going through a difficult time in my life and it would some day be over. Where, on one hand that is true, that life is now over, but I did not love God. I have learned that in order to love God I must obey his commands. "All those who love me will do what I say," It is a promise. If you love me you will obey me. You will have strength, I'll keep you from sin, I'll keep you from falling into temptation. "For apart from me you can do nothing," I have been apart from him, I could do nothing.
Something has happened, I can do anything. I am in him, I read his word daily. It is daily, for when I do not get up with my Lord; my day does not go well. I have to have this drug every day in order to accomplish what he wants for me. I am finally in love with my God. It is truly the best feeling I have ever felt. I wake up with my Lord. I ask him to help me, show my children his love that day, so that I can be a loving mother. I ask him to help me, show my husband how wonderful I think he is. I now know that my actions tell me everything I need to know about my love for my God. AM I loving him and being a branch that produces fruit or am I sucking the life out of the tree, for just me? I can finally say that I am living to be fruitful and a blessing, instead of a dead branch that even I would cut off. I am in love with my Savior.
"Thank you, my Lord, for not giving up on me, for allowing me to live, so that I could discover you. I was raised with you in my home, but not in my heart. Thank you, for finally coming into my heart. I can feel your arms holding me up, I feel your love. I would rather die with you in my heart than live one more day without you. I am so in love with you."
Something has happened, I can do anything. I am in him, I read his word daily. It is daily, for when I do not get up with my Lord; my day does not go well. I have to have this drug every day in order to accomplish what he wants for me. I am finally in love with my God. It is truly the best feeling I have ever felt. I wake up with my Lord. I ask him to help me, show my children his love that day, so that I can be a loving mother. I ask him to help me, show my husband how wonderful I think he is. I now know that my actions tell me everything I need to know about my love for my God. AM I loving him and being a branch that produces fruit or am I sucking the life out of the tree, for just me? I can finally say that I am living to be fruitful and a blessing, instead of a dead branch that even I would cut off. I am in love with my Savior.
"Thank you, my Lord, for not giving up on me, for allowing me to live, so that I could discover you. I was raised with you in my home, but not in my heart. Thank you, for finally coming into my heart. I can feel your arms holding me up, I feel your love. I would rather die with you in my heart than live one more day without you. I am so in love with you."
Monday, March 10, 2008
Morning Coffee
Every day I wake up with my Lord. My children get settled, watching their favorite shows. I get my coffee and begin reading the most precious words ever written. I have found that I am not a very nice person if I do not first give my day over to Jesus, my Lord. I began doing this just one short year ago and, wow, how my days have changed. If I give my first to God then he helps me the rest of the way.
I have now in just one year; read the entire Bible, memorized the book of James, MOPS discussion group leader, attend two different bible studies every week, gave my testimony in front of 90 women from the community, and I am leading a women’s bible study on "Falling in love with your Lord" once a month. Needless to say my life has been busy during this past year.
It is amazing what God will do with your life if you just let him. It all starts with a prayer, then you have to be willing to open the doors he leads you to. It is work, you have to be committed, it is so worth it. This is the highest high, the wildest ride that I have ever been on. Thank you God for saving my life!
I have now in just one year; read the entire Bible, memorized the book of James, MOPS discussion group leader, attend two different bible studies every week, gave my testimony in front of 90 women from the community, and I am leading a women’s bible study on "Falling in love with your Lord" once a month. Needless to say my life has been busy during this past year.
It is amazing what God will do with your life if you just let him. It all starts with a prayer, then you have to be willing to open the doors he leads you to. It is work, you have to be committed, it is so worth it. This is the highest high, the wildest ride that I have ever been on. Thank you God for saving my life!
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