Weeping and Gnashing of Teeth

My Lord is a gracious and forgiving God. He can take a broken woman and make her new. He can take the sick and make them well. He does this for us all of the time. Many think that they can live anyway that they want and He will just turn a blind eye, this is not true. Our Lord is three dimensional. You cannot look at only one side of Him and expect to see the full Greatness of Him. All we have to do is to look at Jesus and what he said, then we can really see God in all of His glory. We cannot just take the parts that make us feel good and safe about ourselves, but we must take all of the dimensions, even the ones that scare us, because sometimes these are the ones that make us live differently in order to serve Him better.

Notice His words, Matthew 24, 25; "You also must be ready all the time. For the Son of Man will come when least expected...If the master returns and finds that the servant has done a good job, there will be a reward...But if the servant is evil and thinks, 'My master won't be back for a while,' and begins oppressing the other servants, partying, and getting drunk-well, the master will return unannounced and unexpected. He will tear the servant apart and banish him with the hypocrites. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth."

He also tells the story of the ten bridesmaids. Five were prepared and ready, five were not. The five that were prepared and ready for their groom were invited into the wedding. The five that were not prepared, "He called back, 'I don't know you!' So stay awake and be prepared, because you do not know the day or hour of my return."

"Again, the Kingdom of Heaven can be illustrated by the story of the man going on a trip." He gave each servant bags of gold, "dividing it in proportion to their abilities." Two of them invested themselves into using what they had wisely, but one was scared and did nothing with his portion. When the master returned, he praised the two who were faithful and in return gave them even more responsibilities. But to the one who was scared and did nothing for his master, the master replied, "You wicked and lazy servant!...To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance. But from those who are unfaithful, even what little they have will be taken away. Now throw this useless servant into outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth."

Jesus goes on to say, "For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink...I assure you, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sister, you were doing it to Me!...I was hungry, and you didn't feed me. I was thirsty, and you didn't give me anything to drink... I assure you. when you refused to help the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were refusing to help Me. And they will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous will go into eternal life."

Do you see that we are God's servants. This happened to His servants. These servants knew the master, but each one responded differently to Him. It does not matter if you have proclaimed Jesus as Lord of your life, been baptized in water and pronounced to everyone that you know Him; if you do not live your life for Him. You cannot earn your salvation, Jesus took care of that on the cross. You do say that you know Him by the way that you live. God doesn't expect everyone to have the same abilities, talents, but He does want you to use what you have. You cannot let fear rule you and keep you from working for Him. That fear will keep you from Him, you must do anyway. He did not call us to hide away our talents and wait for Him in our convenience. He did not say, "party, enjoy this life, do not worry about others and what they are doing." He called us to go out and bring more to Him. People are His treasure and their souls are His main priority. He loves us, that is why He is so patient with us. He knows us by how we live our life. We are called to live for Him. It does matter. One day, that time will be over and judgment will be handed out. Don't be caught unprepared...

Hypocrites

I have been reading from Matthew this morning. I want to know, what were Jesus' words; what did He say? The greatest command, Matthew 22:37-40, "You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind...Love your neighbor as yourself." If we can do this, we can do the rest that He desires from us. If I truly desire God and I truly want Him in my life; If I love Him more than I love myself, then I can love others, as well.

What a way to start my day. All that I have to do is love. When my husband comes to me with anything that he needs from me, I can do it. This seems so simple and easy to do: until he wakes up. Why is that? If I love God, then I will walk with a serving attitude. Why is this so hard for me? My husband is the closest thing to a neighbor that I have. He is my first priority, then my children. They are my neighbors; they are right here in my home. I feel like I am putting God first, until I am interrupted by them. If you love God, you will not intentionally live in sin. You will live to please Him. His greatest desire is for me to walk in love. Why then is this so hard?

I look at all that God has done for me and I can feel like such a failure. I did nothing to change my life, He did it all for me. He opened the doors, all I had to do was take a step. I have done nothing to deserve anything. All that I can do is take that next step. This is all that He requires of me: Love Him and walk with Him in love towards others.

When reading Matthew 22, I couldn't stop there, Jesus was still talking to the same crowd. He had not stopped with that one statement. In Matthew 23, Jesus rebukes the teachers very harshly. In all the sins that He has previously discussed, none of them warrant a thrashing like He gives to them. Hypocrisy is the one sin that you can feel His passion as He delivers His message to them. "So practice and obey whatever they say to you, but don't follow their example. For they don't practice what they teach. They crush you will impossible religious demands and never lift a finger to help ease the burden. Everything they do is for show... Hypocrites! For you won't let others enter the Kingdom of Heaven, and you won't go in yourselves.... Blind guides! How terrible it will be for you...you ignore the important things of the law-justice, mercy, and faith... Blind guides!... Hypocrites! You are so careful to clean the outside of the cup and the dish, but inside you are filthy-full of greed and self-indulgence!.. Hypocrites!... You try to look like upright people outwardly, but inside your hearts are filled with hypocrisy and lawlessness... Hypocrites!.. Snakes! Sons of vipers!.."

Oh my goodness, I do not want to be on the receiving end of that. He asks only one thing of me and that is to love. I must consciously walk with love as my greatest desire, every day. I am a selfish person, who wants others to do for me. Just yesterday, I was very upset with my husband. He was trying to look at the big picture and I was seeing what "I" wanted. He was so patient with me. He stayed at the house and explained patiently for me everything that he was trying to accomplish. He was walking in love. I wanted what "I" wanted. This happens far too often. He has been the best gift that I could have ever asked for, and I did not even want or deserve that one. I heard someone say, "Wisdom comes from experiences, your own or someone else's." I lack wisdom in love, but thankfully God has given me a very wise husband. He has been one of my main teachers, he shows me love even when I do not deserve it.

I must continually evaluate my life. I am a fallen daughter of Eve. I am selfish and disobedient. But, I thank God for His loving grace that allows me to start new every day. He has brought to my attention His greatest desire and that is for me to love Him and others. It is not about me and what I want. It is about Love and walking in that love, every minute of every day. The last thing that I want to hear Jesus say to me is that I was a Hypocrite. I want Him to say, "Well done good and faithful servant." First I must walk in love towards my God and my family. It starts at home; the roof over my head and the heart in my body.

Multiple Personality Disorder

Matthew 15, Jesus said, "These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far away. Their worship is a farce, for they replace God's commands with their own man-made teachings. Listen to what I say and try to understand...you are defiled by what you say and do...Every plant that is not planted by my heavenly Father will be rooted up, so ignore them. They are blind guides leading the blind...Don't you understand? Anything you eat passes through the stomach and goes out of the body. But evil words come from an evil heart and defile the person who says them. For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all other sexual immorality, theft, lying and slander. These are what defile you."

I have to look at every part of Jesus and what He said. I look at His teachings on love and on patience and I look also at His teachings on "the hard stuff." I look at Him and His teachings of love, this helps me to see how much He loves me and how I am to love others. I am not to look at others in the moment, but I am to look at them and love them where they are. I must have compassion for them. I am to always expect them to listen to God and to love them as God loves even me. But when I look at myself, I am to look at what is in my heart. I am to continually be evaluating myself and make sure that I am not being led away or deceiving myself. I am to look at my heart to know who is truly loving me, for He is continually speaking to my heart, but I am to look at my actions to see who I am loving.

I must, every day, turn to Jesus for His guidance. I have to give Him the respect and position that He deserves in my life. I know that I cannot do anything right without Him. I have to turn every day, every moment over to Him. When I loose my patience; when I am disrespectful to my husband; when I want what I want, I know that I am not turning to Him in that situation. Sometimes I feel like I have multiple personality disorder, because I can be all about Jesus then I loose it, but I do not have to fear because He has great love and patience for me. I used to rely totally on myself and in that, I was living only for myself. I now turn every day toward Him. I know who I am, I am not wise, but with Him, I can live for Him. I can truly say that my life reflects my walk with my Lord. I am not perfect, by any means, but I do walk with Him. I try and live every part of my life to please Him. No one can see my every day walk, those times when I am all alone, but I can and so can He, and that is all that matters.

In order to know who I really am, all I have to do is to look at what I think about the most. What consumes my every desire? There was a time when every though was for the next rush. What was I going to be experiencing next. It is very easy to see what consumes your thought life. For example, when you get on the computer, what is the thing that drives your passion? What are more likely to want to look at? This is a very easy test. "It is your thought life that defiles you." When you look at your thought life from open eyes, you can see where your true desire lies. I make many mistakes, but I know where most of my thought life is. Most of my every thought is for Him. I am not tempted like I used to be, I can hear Him better than I used to. There was a time when I truly did not see the wrong that I was doing. My life was not for Him, so my eyes were blind. I had to start consciously asking Him to help me see. Now my answers come very fast, most of the time I can hear Him speaking right in the middle of my "fits" and I must submit to Him and acknowledge that I was wrong.

I am so thankful for my new life. I am so thankful that God has turned my desires from evil so that now my thought life revolves around Him. I am very aware of my feelings and my thoughts. When I am being led away, I can hear Him calling me back. It is not so hard anymore. I am not living in sin any more. I know that I am not, because I am constantly checking myself. Everyone must be diligent in seeking Him, for Satan has come to "steal and destroy." Satan is constantly trying to get us to believe lies and he wants us to be deceived so that we do not see who we really are. He wants us to live in sin so that we are blind to Christ and what He wants for us in our lives. We must ask ourselves every day, "Am I honoring God with my lips and my life?"

Confident or Insecure

I wish that I could get down everything that is coming to me. I am flooded with God's word, I cannot get enough and I am sorry that I cannot talk about every part that I am learning...I can only share bits and pieces. Choosing which piece is what I have to settle with for now. There is so much in this one chapter. Please God show me what you want me to say.

Matthew 13, "To those who are open to my teaching more understanding will be given, and they will have an abundance of knowledge. But to those who are not listening, even what they have will be taken away from them. That is why I tell these stories, because people see what I do, but they don't really see. They hear what I say, but they don't really hear, and they don't understand..."

Jesus used many parables in this chapter the two that I am going to talk about are the parable of the weeds and the fishing net. "The Kingdom of Heaven is like a farmer who planted good seed in his field. But that night as everyone slept, his enemy came and planted weeds among the wheat...'shall we pull out the weeds?' they asked. He replied, 'No, you'll hurt the wheat if you do. Let them both grow together until the harvest. Then I will tell the harvesters to sort out the weeds and burn them and to put the wheat in the barn'...
Again, the Kingdom of Heaven is like a fishing net that is thrown into the water and gathers fish of every kind. When the net is full, they drag it up onto the shore, sit down, sort the good fish into crates, and throw the bad ones away..."

Right here among us, planted in the same field are good seed and bad. Many people are turned off from God, because they are looking at the bad seed and mistaking it for the good. Sometimes we tend to delude ourselves and think that only good seed are calling themselves Christians, but this is not true. There is bad right here among us. We are not the harvesters who can tell the bad from the good, but they will all be sorted at the same time. I cannot go to a fishing village and pick out the good fish from the bad ones, that is not my job. My job is to make sure that I am not that bad seed or fish.

I must continually look at my life; every day I must examine what I produced that day. I know some about nature and how some bad plants mimic good plants and how some animals, that are poisonous, look similar to those that are actually good. I have to continually be looking at what I am producing in my attitude, my actions and what I am allowing in my mind and body to see if I am mimicking good or if I am actually producing good fruit.

I know how easily it is to be self deceived. Not so long ago, I was doing very evil things, but I felt like I was good on the inside. In order to see if I was good or not, I had to look at the fruit that I was producing. Once again, I am not the harvester; I am not the one who can determine if the fish is good or bad, I am so thankful that I am not, but how awful it is to be unsure. I know how it is to live with fear, knowing that I am living a lie; knowing that every thing that I am doing is the opposite of what He has called me to do. I also know how freeing it is to live with His guidance in my life. I know that I am part of the harvest that He will consider good.

Many people claim that you cannot know for sure if you are going to heaven or hell. I assure you that you can! I know that I am doing everything in my power to live for Christ. I know that I am part of His harvest. I do not get everything right, but my heart and my actions are going the right way. I no longer live with that unsure feeling. I no longer try and convince myself that I will be okay, I know. I have that assurance that He promises to all of His children, if they will just listen and really hear. I am so thankful that He is full of patience and mercy. I am so thankful that I am not the one who is determining who He shall keep or who He shall "throw into the fire, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth." How thankful I am that I no longer live my life, so that I have any doubt as to where I am going. That was an awful place to be. That unsure feeling; that feeling of never being able to be good enough; that feeling of, please be patient one day I will turn my life around. That truly is an awful feeling. I know I have felt all those feelings. I am so thankful that I finally turned my life over to my God. I am so thankful that He made the path that I could walk along. I am so glad that He did not decide to harvest when I was living "that way." Here is the scary part, we don't know when the harvest is going to come. We don't know when our last chance is here, it could be today. I am so glad that I have no doubt about where I will be. Do you?

A Clean House

Matthew 11:20ff, Jesus was rebuking the people for rejecting Him. "What horrors await you...For if the miracles I did in you had been done in Tyre and Sidon, their people would have sat in deep repentance long ago...And you...For if the miracles I did for you had been done in Sodom, it would still be here today. I assure you, Sodom will be better off on the judgment day than you...Oh Father, Lord of heaven and earth, thank you for hiding the truth from those who think themselves so wise and clever, and for revealing it to the childlike. Yes, Father, it pleased You to do it this way!...Come to Me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let Me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I give you is light."

Jesus was rebuking the Pharisees the people of Capernaum. He was talking to the people of Harvard and Yale of His day. They were very proud because of what they knew. They would not listen to His teaching and accept Him, so in return He turned them over to their fate. Because these people did see Him; because they did know Him, they would suffer even greater punishment for rejecting Him, than those who had never known Him. How many times do people see Jesus working in their lives; How many times do we know Him and in return we reject Him?

Jesus speaks to everyone, but many times in their own arrogance, people still reject Him. We have a tendency to think that we have it all figured out and that our way is the right way. He says he will humble the proud, "what horrors await you." But if you come to Him as a child, knowing nothing and trusting in Him, you will be saved. His yoke is His teaching. In the Jewish tradition the Rabbi had teachings. Some Rabbi had very hard teaching and the work was great. But Jesus the true Rabbi had a very easy teaching and He would help to make the burden light. In Him, through His teachings we can find rest for our souls, because his teaching fits us perfectly.

Matthew 12:43-45, "When an evil spirit leaves a person, it goes into the desert, seeking rest but finding none. Then it says, 'I will return to the person I came from.' So it returns and finds its former home empty, swept, and clean. Then the spirit finds seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they all enter the person and live there. And so that person is worse off than before." How many times I tried to turn my life around. I would try and do right for a while, but I never replaced the bad that I was doing with good. I would just be empty. Every time I turned my life around, I would get worse. I ended up being at a place in my life that I could have never dreamed. My sin would be brought to my attention; I would confess my sin and ask for forgiveness; He would clean my soul, my house was clean, but I would not replace that sin with Him. Finally I had to seek Him; I had to replace that empty clean house with His yoke, with His teachings. Every time that we confess our sins; He washes our house clean, we are no longer full of sin. If we do not diligently seek Him; if we do not make the effort to replace that sin with Him, then we will be visited by more evil than was there to begin with.

I come to God every day knowing that I will fail if He does not help me. I go to His word, seeking wisdom, because I know how foolish I am with out Him. I have to. I have emptied my house so many times, but never filled it with Him. Because of this, I was visited by evil much worse than what I had to deal with before. I do not ever want to be fooled again into thinking that I am fine on my own. I have to come to Him like a child, seeking His wisdom and His strength, because I never want to be trapped again. I know my Lord, I have a deep intimate relationship with Him. I have to do my part. "The rest that Jesus promises is love, healing, and peace with God, not the end of all labor." A relationship with Him, fills my house. I do not have to fear being visited any longer by those evil spirits, but I have to do my part in this relationship. I have to come to Him as a child, who knows that I am helpless without Him. I no longer have a meaningless, wearisome life, but I have a relationship with my Lord that I cherish more than anything else this world can offer. My burnden is now light, becaue He carries it for me.

Live in the Light

Matthew 10:16-39, Jesus said to His disciples; "Look, I am sending you out as sheep among wolves. Be as wary as snakes and harmless as doves...And you must stand trial before governors and kings because you are my followers. This will be your opportunity to tell them about me - yes, to witness to the world. Don't worry about what to say in your defense, because you will be given the right words at the right time. For it won't be you doing the talking - it will be the Spirit of your Father speaking through you...
For the time is coming when everything will be revealed; all that is secret will be made public. What I tell you now in the darkness, shout abroad when daybreak comes. What I whisper in your ears, shout from the housetops for all to hear!..
Not even a sparrow, worth only half a penny, can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it...So don't be afraid...
If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give it up for me, you will find it."

Every time that I tell someone about my past mistakes and failures; I feel like I am being brought in front of the courts. It is not easy to share your mistakes with others. The first reaction that I have is to protect myself, but that is not what He has called me to do. He has called me to share with others so that they can know the love of Christ. He has called me to be a witness for Him, so that the world can know my Lord. "If anyone acknowledges Me publicly here on earth, I will openly acknowledge that person before My Father in heaven. But if anyone denies Me here on earth, I will deny that person before My Father in heaven." How many times have I denied Him? I have turned my back on the One who loves me the most: Not any more. I love Him more than I fear others judgement, and He has called me. He has called me to share His love with others; He wishes for all to be saved and none to parish.

Everything will eventually be brought to light anyway. I would much rather my darkest secrets to be brought to light by doing what God desires me to do, rather than Satan having a hold on me because of my secrets. I have found true freedom with my new life, in allowing Him to work good with what Satan intended for evil. Secrets are the most destructive tool that the enemy has on us. Secrets are those dark areas of our lives that will permeate and dim our light. We have a tendency to fear the light. Satan has deceived us and made us think that we actually have control of our lives as long as we can keep our sins under darkness. That is it; A lie. Only the light can set us free. Only in His true light can we see. If we continually hold on to that darkness we will never be able to truly make a difference. That darkness does not blind others; it blinds the one who is holding on to it.

If I had never told anyone about my past life, people would still see me the same that they see me now. I would be the one living in the darkness, scared that someone might find out about my past and expose me. I would not be able to fully give my life over to Christ, because I would be holding on too tightly to that dark sin. But since I allowed Christ to uncover what I had covered; since I chose to live in the light with no dark shadows hanging over me, I am free. I live in the light! This does not mean it is easy, it never is. But there is a freedom that I live under and that freedom is Christ. He will help me when Satan comes and attacks me. He will give me the words that I need in order to protect myself. This is my opportunity to tell others about Him - yes, to witness to the world.

"If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give it up for me, you will find it."

Worry

Matthew 6:25ff, Jesus said, "So I tell you, don't worry about everyday life...can all your worries add a single moment to your life? Of course not...You have so little faith!...Your heavenly Father already knows all your needs, and He will give you all you need from day to day if you live for Him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern. So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today."

Here are seven reasons not to worry (as listed in my bible).
6:25......The same God who created life in you can be trusted with the details of your life.
6:26......Worrying about the future hampers your efforts for today.
6:27......Worrying is more harmful than helpful.
6:26-30..God does not ignore those who depend on Him.
6:31,32..Worrying shows a lack of faith in and understanding of God.
6:33......Worrying Keeps us from real challenges God wants us to pursue.
6:34......Living one day at a time keeps us from being consumed with worry.

Let me tell you, at times it is very hard not to get caught up with worry. Having a major illness, I know. When you or someone you love has health issues, it is very hard to think about anything else. This is the one area that we truly have no control over. This is the one place that we try and find the answers ourselves. Now it does not mean that we live our life as though nothing was happening and that we are to just lay back and take what ever comes our way. But we do not need to worry; there is a difference. "Worry immobilizes, but concern moves you to action." Worrying will only make things worse. In worrying we tend to; "(1) damage your health more, (2) disrupt your productivity, (3) negatively affect the way you treat others, and (4) reduce your ability to trust in God."

There is so much information out there about how we can help ourselves in feeling better; The newest drug: The best pill: The best doctors: The only diet. I think it is very good to get the information that you need in order to help you make a decision, but information is all that it is. If you are doing the best that you can, then you need not worry. You let your concern help you seek out the answer God is moving you toward, but if you are worrying you will not be able to relax once you find that answer. You will not be able to say that you trust in God and that you know He will take care of you.

I have to rely on God to get me through each and every day. I know what it is like to wake up and not to be able to walk down the hall. I know what it is like to loose all control of my bladder. I won't lie, I can get discouraged, but that is mainly in myself because I was not doing what I know God has already told me to do. It is not that I get upset with God, but I get upset with myself. I know what I need to do in order to function and when I have not been doing my part and I get sick; then I turn to God and ask Him to fix my mess, that I have made, once again.

I also have to remember that just because I am doing my part it does not guarantee me health. I am here for God to use me. I am here for God's Glory to be shown. Sometimes the only way others can find God, is through our pain. If my suffering will save someone else from their own destruction and help them find the love of God: then so be it. What I have to do is to remember that it is not about life right now. It is about eternity. God is Sovereign, He is in control of everything. My life, my health, my family; they are all for Him. If He needs to use us for others to find Him, then that is His choice. He is calling me to love and obey Him no matter what my circumstances are. "Spiritual vision is our capacity to see clearly what God wants us to do and to see the world from His point of view." It is not about me. This is something that I have to remind myself of everyday. It is not about me; it is not about life right now, so what is the use in worrying. He is in control and I am glad of that.

" 'Make the Kingdom of God your primary concern', means to put God first in your life, to fill your thoughts with His desires, to take His character for your pattern, and to serve and obey Him in everything." His Kingdom is what this life is about.

The Shack

While I was in TX, my brother gave me a book to read, The Shack. He instructed me to finish it, which is good for me because I rarely finish reading anything. Wow, what a struggle I had with God while I was reading this. For three days I could do nothing else. For three days I struggled with my own "Great Sadness." Actually I am still dealing with my own "Great Sadness" but I now know about it and I can face it, instead of running away from it.

Matthew 5:43ff, Jesus says, "You have heard that the law of Moses says, 'Love your neighbor' and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For He gives His sunlight to both the evil and the good, and He sends rain on the just and on the unjust, too. If you love only those who love you, what good is that? ...You are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect."

Here is the deal; God loves everyone. It does not mean that everyone is saved, for that is their decision. It does mean that He loves them. He wants everyone to find Him. He wants everyone to listen to His voice.

In The Shack, the father had to learn to let go of his daughters murder. He was holding on to his "Great Sadness" because he did not think it was right for him to move on. How could he live without the hate that he had for her abuser? How could he function without that feeling wailing up inside of him? Was it okay for him to let his daughter go, was it okay not to hate her killer? The struggles that he had with God; the learning time that he had with Him; the walks and talks that he had with his Father were amazing. All of his questions and all of his feelings that he had brought so many emotions to the surface for me. I cried as I read the torment that he was going through.

How can all of the bad happen? How can He let this go on? It is because He loves everyone. He can see the hurt that each person has gone through. He has been with each person from the beginning. He can understand why hurting people hurt people. He is calling everyone, but not everyone is listening. How can he choose to let go of anyone? Which of your own children would you give up on? Which one would you say should die today? If we cannot do that, how can we expect the one who is love to do the same?

He is calling us to a higher standard. He is calling us to love everyone, even those that have hurt us. How can I hold on to that hate any longer? I cannot keep opening up my box of my own "Great Sadness" and living in the past. No one is hurting me any more. I have a relationship with the One who is Love. "You are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect." He is perfect in His love. He can look past what the person is doing and see the pain that is causing that person to act that way. When I see someone acting a certain way; when I am hurt because of someone and how they are treating me; I am to love them anyway. I am to look at that person through the eyes of God and see that person as one of His children. It is not about me. It is not about what has happened to me. It is not even about my health issues. I cannot ask why, about any of it? I am called to love in spite of it all. I am to love Him no matter what happens to me, because when we turn on His children, we are really turning on Him. When we question Him, we are accusing Him of not taking care of us; of not loving us. He loves all of us. He has been with all of us from the very beginning. When we question God, we are questioning His love for us. He loves each and every one of us. He is Sovereign. His love is just. His love is perfect. He loves you.

Salt of the Earth

This morning as I sat and read, I was overwhelmed with the magnitude of feelings that I have. I feel this intense pressure and urgency to get His word out to people, but there is just so much. I sat crying and asking my God to help me; begging Him to ease the burden and to do this work for me. If anyone knows my limits, it is me. I cannot do this; I am a failure; I have done everything wrong; every path that I have chosen; every path that I have lead, was the wrong one. I sit crying and begging Him to help me in this, because I cannot do it.

I am so thankful that He speaks to me. I can hear His voice coming to me like a soft whisper. He told me, "You are not the one doing anything. I am guiding you and you do not have to fear. You are young and this is your learning time. This is your time to learn how to listen to Me and follow my guiding. You are doing what I ask of you and you do not have to fear failure, because I am the one that will catch you." Oh my goodness, how grateful I am. His voice calms me. All that I can do is to take the next step; to listen and try and follow His voice. As long as it is not me, I can do this. Okay, now that I have gotten that out, I can share some of what I was reading

Matthew 5:13-16, Jesus said, "You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled under foot as worthless."

This verse used to confuse me. I did not understand how salt could loose its saltiness. Focus on the Family put out a series called "Follow the Rabbi." In this he explains how the salt losses is saltiness. Salt has many different uses. One of those uses is to make a fire hotter. People would burn manure and in order to make the fire hotter, they would place salt on the fire. After the fire would go out, they would collect the salt and use it again. After several uses the chemical reaction of the salt was no longer there. The salt was useless, they would then throw it out and start with new salt.

In this context, we are the salt. We are supposed to be mixing with everyone, even those that may make us uncomfortable; those that many think of, as the manure of society. We are supposed to be making the fire of God burn hotter. We are supposed to have such a chemical reaction of love in our hearts that God can burn and the flames of His love can reach everyone. Let me tell you, God is calling everyone to Him. We are supposed to be mixing with them, so that we can stir up His flame and make His flame hot within them. Those that appear lost; God is calling. Those that you think are never going to turn their lives around; God is calling. We are not to be the judge and condemn them. We are to love everyone. We are to burn hot for God, so that all can feel His love. If we give into the thought that someone is never going to change, then we are judging them and sentencing them to eternity.

So this is the question that we must ask ourselves: Is the love of God burning so hot within me, that everyone can feel Him and be warmed by His love, just because they were in my presence. Are you on fire for your Lord? Are you overwhelmed with Him? Do you see the urgency, if you are not? Read the verse again; the words of Jesus. What does He say will happen to you, if you are not burning hot for Him?

Letting Go

It is amazing how you can feel like you are going along pretty good, then out of no where you are exposed. I have truly come a long way in my journey with God, but I still have so far to go. Yes, my brother helped me to see this when I was with him. It was my husband, me, my brother and his wife sitting in their living room talking about our love walk with Jesus. My brother was discussing the fact that our family has issues with rage. We have a family curse that has been passed on for four generations. We have bragging rights on this one. We are very tolerant for a time, then we burst. My brother was in one fight in high school, after watching him loose all self control and almost killing the kid, no one messed with him after that. I was in one fight as well. No one messed with me after that one either. My brother helped me to see that I was still holding on to that rage, out of self protection.

I really thought that I had been pretty good about my hate for men. I really do feel pretty good about most of them. I understand their struggles and I have compassion for them in this. But there are just a couple of men that I have held great contempt for. I pour all of my rage; all of my anger onto them. Honestly, they have never done anything to me. I just hear them speak one way in front of certain people and claim to be Christians, but their daily openness about their sin is astonishing to me. I hate going into their place of business; I cannot stand to associate with them. My contempt for them was pointed out to me and my willingness to hold on to that rage was also pointed out. I was protecting myself. I knew that I could thrash them in an instant. I could tear every part of them down, if I felt they crossed the line. I was holding on to that family curse, because it gave me a false sense of security. I never unleashed my furry on them, but I knew I could.

Exodus 20: 5-6, "I do not leave unpunished the sins of those who hate me, but I punish the children for the sins of their parents to the third and fourth generations. But I lavish my love on those who love me and obey my commands, even for a thousand generations."

The people who knew my great-grandfather felt sorry for his children. His anger was so out of control that people in his generation were afraid for his children. My grand father, who was a very small man, talked about knocking a very large man out of his shoes and across the hood of his car, with one punch; after the man had stolen from his store. My father used to get upset and start punching, throwing and kicking what ever he was working on. Now let me remind you that these stories are just a glimpse of the curse that my family has held on to. My brothers and I are much better and our rage is not nearly as severe as the ones who went before us, but you see we are the fourth generation. It stops with us, it has to.

When you read Exodus 20:5 in Hebrew, the translation sounds a little different. It does not say that the children will be punished for the sins of their fathers, but that they will suffer the consequences of their father's sins for three to four generations. Rage in our family has gotten much better over the generations. With each generation the children did not suffer under that curse like the children before them did. God has mercy on the children. He has helped our family in falling more and more in love with Him through each generation. In return, each new generation has grown closer to Him and this curse is coming to a close. I had to see that I was holding on to my rage. It had to be brought to my attention, so that I could finally let it go. I do not want to feel those feelings any longer. I do not want to hold on to that anger. I want to allow God to fight the fight for me. I do not need to defend myself and let one encounter ruin my day or worse my relationship with my Lord.

James4:7-12, "So humble yourselves before God. Resist the Devil, and he will flee from you. Draw close to God, and God will draw close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, you hypocrites. Let there be tears for the wrong things you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy. When you bow down before the Lord and admit your dependence on Him, He will lift you up and give you honor.
Don't speak evil against each other. If you criticize each other and condemn each other, then you are criticizing and condemning God's law. But you are not a judge who can decide whether the law is right or wrong. Your job is to obey it. God alone, who made the law, can rightly judge among us. He alone has the power to save or to destroy. So what right do you have to condemn your neighbor?"

I have no right to hate anyone. I can hate the sin because of how it destroys lives, but I cannot hate the person. My job is to love. The command He has given me, is to love. I will not; I cannot hold onto this rage any longer. It is a scary feeling, not to have a fighting side, but I have to let Him take control of every part of my life. I do not want to rage. I do not want to feel out of control, lost in my anger. My desire, my true desire is for Him to take care of me in every part of my life. I want the door to close on this curse. I do not want my children to feel one ounce of it in their lives. I needed to see my sin in holding on to that rage. I needed it pointed out, so that I could acknowledge it and turn it over to God. This walk with God is just that, a journey with Him and He will help you, if you will let Him. I want His help. I want Him to lead me and where ever He wants me to go, I will follow. I will still make mistakes and I will stumble, but when it is brought to my attention I truly want Him to take control.

The Fall

Wow, what a journey! I have been gone for two weeks visiting family and seeing my Dr. in TX. When I say we went to TX, I mean it. We stayed in Midland with my brother. Then we went to Austin with my other brother and to see my Dr. Finally, we landed in Abilene to stay with my parents and my brothers joined us again there. I am exhausted to say the least. All that driving and fellowship with my family, wears me out. But how wonderful it is, how hard it is and how much I have grown from this time. My oldest brother is figuring out who God is. I feel like he is right ahead of me in this. I love to be with him and see his love of his God. It is amazing to be around someone who is overwhelmed with the love of God. I have seen him change and become this big, strong, mighty man in love with Jesus. It is truly awesome! I would like to share one of the things that I have learned. There are so many, but this one is pretty cool.

When God first made Adam and Eve, He had a relationship with them. They would all walk together and fellowship with one another. Then came their sin. The serpent deceived Eve and she ate the fruit that was forbidden, then Eve turned to Adam who was with her and he ate it as well. When God asked them what had happened they replied in two different ways. Adams response was, "it was the woman You gave me who brought me the fruit, and I ate it." Eves response was, "The serpent deceived me, and I ate." Adam blamed God in his defence, but Eve admitted that she was deceived. So here is the fall, it was Adam who had the responsibility to protect and care for Eve. It was Adam who received the direct command from God and it was Adam who blamed God.

Now the curse is placed upon them. This whole time their relationship with each other was based on their relationship with God. But now sin has entered their lives and so their relationship with God has been broken. Genesis 3:16-19, "He said to the woman, "You will bear children with intense pain and suffering. And though your desire will be for your husband, he will be your master." And to Adam He said, "Because you listened to your wife and ate the fruit I told you not to eat, I have placed a curse on the ground. All your life you will struggle to scratch a living from it. It will grow thorns and thistles for you, though you will eat of its grains. All your life you will sweat to produce food, until your dying day."

I have seen this curse played out many times with married couples. Eve had a relationship with her God. She walked, played and danced with her Lord. Her desire was for God and through God she had a relationship with her husband. But now she was cursed, she no longer had that relationship with her Lord. So instead of turning to God to help her with her problems; she turned to her husband. She looked to her husband to fulfill her relationship that she once had with her Lord. Only no man could ever fill that relationship that she once shared and now she craved. But in her desperate desire to have that feeling back, she turned to Adam and tried to make him give her that relationship.

Adam was cursed as well. Adam had a powerful relationship with his Lord. He turned to God for everything and God helped him in his work. But now because of sin Adam was no longer turning to God for help. He turned to his work. He kept trying to make the work produce for him what God was producing. He had once relied on God to give him all that he needed, but now he was relying on his work to fix all of the problems.

So, in separation from God we find the curse upon marriage. The woman is turning to her husband to fulfill a relationship that was intended for God to fulfill. In return the man is saying to her "I can't do this for you, I cannot give you what you are asking me to give." In response to the woman the man is left feeling inadequate and so he turns to his work. He once was turning to God for all of his needs, but now he is turning to the ground and trying to make it fix all of his problems. In all that we intend; no matter how hard we try; if we are not turning to the Creator, our true Helper, then we will never be fulfilled. God intended for us to come to Him with our needs. He is more than able to help us in our situations. He desires that relationship with us, if we will only turn back to Him.

Woman the curse is that you expect your husband to give you the dance that only God can lead. Man you are expecting your work to satisfy all of your needs that only God can produce. Christ came so that we can once again be in relationship with our Lord as He intended from the beginning. If we will turn to Him to fulfill our needs we will be full and our lives will not be such a mess. He can help us with our relationships. He is the only one who can lead us in this dance. He is the only one that will give us the security that our work cannot give. So, why are we continually turning to the wrong ones to fulfill our needs? Turn to Christ, let Him have a relationship with you; so that you are not left feeling alone. He has bridged the gap that sin has made. He can walk with us and we can hear His voice. We just have to be willing to listen and allow Him to lead, in our dance.