His Guidance

How does God guide us? Does He guide us? There was a time in my life when I did not think that God did much of anything to help us or lead us in our every day life. I thought that I was in total control of my every day existence. He proved me wrong one day. Then my eyes were opened to His guidance. Learning to listen to how He guides me, has been the key for my ability to hear and follow His instruction.

He speaks to everyone differently. He meets us where we are. I have friends that hear Him speaking to them on a regular basis, almost audibly. Others have dreams, or hear Him through songs. Some open up the bible and hear Him instantly speaking through the words written on the page. For me, it is constantly changing, but the avenue for my hearing stays the same. I am trying to always be listening. I am constantly looking for the new way He may be guiding me, in that moment, that day. However, there is one way He has spoken to me constantly through the years, through other people. I can look back upon my life when I have made my most devastating, bad decisions, and there was always someone there begging me to take a different road, but in my stubbornness, I chose to bull through. Other times, when it has seemed that, "I am doing really great," usually it is because I have taken the advise of someone else. I am constantly asking people for their advise and if I am on the right path. But what seems as insecurity, and sometimes I feel like I am very insecure, I am actually asking God to guide me.

I have learned, through my years of stupid decision making, to listen to God through the advise of others who know Him best. Proverbs 12:15, "The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice." Here is my most recent discovery with this; I am very insecure with myself. Even when I know I have done the best to my ability, and I have done what God has asked me to do, I still ask for conformation. I have trained myself to ask others advise too much. This to me almost seems absurd. But the truth is, I know when God is speaking through others and when I am just looking for affirmation. My next task in my walk with listening to God will be settling down and relaxing in the comfort of knowing that I can hear Him. I wont miss His guiding hand, and when He speaks I will understand. Instead of looking to others for affirmation, I need to listen to them when He is speaking through them. I know when He is guiding me, for now it comes in many different ways. I just have to wait for His timing, and know that sometimes He just wants me to step out in faith.

Oswald Chambers, "'The Lord spoke thus to me with a strong hand...' (Isaiah 8:11). There is no escape when our Lord speaks. He always comes using His authority and taking hold of our understanding. Has the voice of God come to you directly? If it has, you cannot mistake the intimate insistence with which it has spoken to you. God speaks in the language you know best— not through your ears, but through your circumstances." It all boils down to this; Am I doing the will of my God, or my own hearts desire? I do know the difference, most of the time. The key is to be open when He does speak...

http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/01/29/devotion.aspx?year=2010

Wisdom Living

Luke 7:35, "But wisdom is shown to be right by the lives of those who follow it."
How many times in my life have I thought, "I know what I am doing. I don't need church, God, or anyone telling me what to do. I can make my own decisions." I look back on this attitude; this statement, that I made quite often, and think, "How foolish you were (are). The choices you made and the life you lived, prove how immature you really were (are)."

I have recently been give this question: "Don't you need to make mistakes in order to not be a fool." My short answer is "No." A truly wise person is someone who can learn from others. A truly wise person is one who can stop long enough to consider the consequence of their choices and make the long lasting correct choice. A fool is someone who thinks that the only way they can learn is through making mistakes first. But through everything, loving yourself is the key to being truly wise.

Proverbs 19:8, "To acquire wisdom is to love oneself; people who cherish understanding will prosper." Why would anyone want to suffer? Why would anyone continually choose to do things that bring hurt upon them self? The true answer is that they have convinced themselves that they deserve what they get. They have believed all the negative things they have heard from others and from themselves. This in turn makes them think that they cannot really learn without making the mistakes themselves. We think that we are all on our own and we can only learn from our mistakes. I have spent my entire life being this fool. With all of my strength I am continually trying to stop being this person. I am tired of getting hurt, just because I have to learn things the hard way. The hardest part is that I know when I am choosing to be this fool. Even when I am all alone, I can hear the Holy Spirit telling me that I need to do this or not do that. But like a fool I bull through, to reap the consequences later.

When I am showing myself true love, I seek the advise from others and from God. When I am seeking wisdom, I know that I am open to hear, so I listen to good advise, even if I want to do something contrary to what they say. In loving myself, I should choose to seek help outside myself, so that I can make better choices. I need to learn to seek the good advise from those who will look ahead to what could happen, and help me make the wise choice. For some reason I feel like I have to have the right answers myself in order to be wise. What I am continually learning is that to be truly wise is to seek out the wisdom others have. To truly learn to love myself, is to consistently seek wisdom, so that I can stop hurting myself. Proverbs 15:22, "Plans go wrong for lack of advice; many advisers bring success." The true path to living a wise life is to surround yourself with others whose lives prove they are living wisely. If someone is continually living with negative consequences, they are proving that they are not wise. We just have to learn to seek advise from the right people.

Proverbs 15:15, "Only simpletons believe everything they’re told! The prudent carefully consider their steps." When others tell you anything, carefully consider the words that you hear. We know whether or not, if the advise we receive is life or death. Be wise in your acceptance of what people tell you. Look ahead. When you have made a mistake do not dwell on it. Learn from it and do not continually seek that path of knowledge. Surround yourself with wise friends. This does not mean that you think you are better than your old friends, but that you wish to love yourself and others enough to make better choices. Seek wisdom. Your life will reap a sweeter reward.

Seeing Him Better

Luke 7:36-50, "When a woman who had lived a sinful life in that town learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee's house, she brought an alabaster jar of perfume, and as she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them. When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, 'If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner'...Jesus replied, 'I tell you, her sins—and they are many—have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.' Then Jesus said to the woman, 'Your sins are forgiven.'”

I absolutely adore this verse, especially since my hair is so long. I can easily place myself in this verse, for my sins-and they are many-have been forgiven. There was a time in my life when I felt like no one would ever want me. I didn't deserve anything good, for look at me. (take a deep breath, you can do this) How could anyone ever want me? Look at what they would be getting if they dared to be stupid enough to accept me... Molested in 5th grade, multiple sex partners, ex-stripper, divorced, Multiple Sclerosis, STD (undiagnosed but still, I'm not that stupid), drug addiction.... My list of unworthiness goes on and on. But you know what the really cool thing is, with Him, none of that is held against me. My sins-and they are many- are forgiven.

I hear women all of the time talk about how no one would ever want them with their past, all these kids, divorced, never married... their list also goes on and on. If we can take our eyes off of ourselves just long enough to see Him, we will realize that our baggage that we carry is not too heavy for Him to move, so that others do not see our guilt when they see us either. Really it is not about me and the crap that comes with me. It is about Christ. He will give us exactly what we need when we need it, and nothing that comes with us matters. Everything is about my own personal relationship with Him. He gave me what I needed, when I needed it most, so that I would draw closer to Him, faster.

If your desire is in opposition of you drawing closer to Him, then why would He give you something that He knows is ultimately against Him. It is not that you do not deserve something. It is that He wants you to want Him more. If we will start to look to Him, He will give us what we need in order to see Him better. When we start seeing Him better, our desires start changing. When we start seeing Him better, we will no longer focus on the "undesirable" things that come with us. When we start seeing Him better, others will see Him in us. And when others can see Him in us, our baggage is no longer something that burdens them, for He is carrying it for us and for them. So when you start feeling like you will never get...stop looking at you luggage. Look to Him and He will show you how desirable you are. When we start seeing our self, how He sees us, then He can give us our hearts desire.

Oswald Chambers, "Do we expect God to come to us with His blessings and save us? He says, "Look to Me, and be saved . . . ." The greatest difficulty spiritually is to concentrate on God...The basic lesson of the Sermon on the Mount is to narrow all your interests until your mind, heart, and body are focused on Jesus Christ. 'Look to Me...' ...Wake yourself up and look to God. Build your hope on Him. No matter how many things seem to be pressing in on you, be determined to push them aside and look to Him. 'Look to Me...' Salvation is yours the moment you look."

http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/01/22/devotion.aspx?year=2010

Built on God

Proverbs 24:27, "[Put first things first.] Prepare your work outside and get it ready for yourself in the field; and afterward build your house and establish a home." (Amplified)

These past few years have been hard for everyone. We have all had to reevaluate our financial situations. Last year was the hardest for us. While we are still very cautious with how we are spending our money, we feel like we can at least breath. But in these hard times, we have discovered what is most important and that is true reliance on God. My husband is in real estate. The crisis that many of our friends, who are in construction are feeling now, we felt last year. We went for two years without selling a piece of land. Now that the builders are finished with their building projects from two years ago, they are feeling the sting that we felt, in land not being sold for development. I feel, I hope, I pray that we are on the up side of this crisis. While this time was filled with uncertainties and insecurities, we discovered how good God really is.

Proverbs 11:2, "Pride leads to disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom." It is very hard to admit you are struggling and need help. Jason now wears 5 different working hats. During this time God gave him many different opportunities to make money. He started thinking out of the box. Just when we were feeling the pressure of loosing everything, and playing with the idea of having to move in with my parents, God's grace came in and was sufficient, even for the bank. It wasn't just Jason who had to get out and work, I too had to get out and substitute teach. My grocery budget was cut, what seemed to me, to nothing. We were stripped to the bare necessities, but we feel more confident, content, and secure now, than we ever have. The obvious thing is that we do not have everything figured out, and we cannot control our tomorrow, but our reliance upon God is the key to our security. We have learned many lessons during this time; How we can budget our money better; How to work as a team in working; How to admit to others that we need help; How when we feel we have to have it all together, carry all the burden our self, we take it out on each other; Most importantly, how God is the true provider of our home.

Two and a half years ago, we were making plans to build a very large home. Today we are more than content to enjoy what God has already given us. Today we know that God is providing for us, out of our box. Today we know, that if the bottom fell through, we would still be provided for. This past month, land started to move. People are looking and buying. Everyone has been hit, but life is coming back slowly. When you feel you are on the bottom, trust in your God. He will provide. It may just be out of your box.

Oswald Chambers, "Whenever God gives a vision to a Christian, it is as if He puts him in "the shadow of His hand" (Isaiah 49:2). The saint’s duty is to be still and listen. There is a "darkness" that comes from too much light-that is the time to listen...When God gives you a vision and darkness follows, wait. God will bring the vision He has given you to reality in your life if you will wait on His timing. Never try to help God fulfill His word. Abram went through thirteen years of silence, but in those years all of his self-sufficiency was destroyed. He grew past the point of relying on his own common sense. Those years of silence were a time of discipline, not a period of God’s displeasure. There is never any need to pretend that your life is filled with joy and confidence; just wait upon God and be grounded in Him (see Isaiah 50:10-11 ). Do I trust at all in the flesh? Or have I learned to go beyond all confidence in myself and other people of God? Do I trust in books and prayers or other joys in my life? Or have I placed my confidence in God Himself, not in His blessings? "I am Almighty God . . ."— El-Shaddai, the All-Powerful God (Genesis 17:1). The reason we are all being disciplined is that we will know God is real. As soon as God becomes real to us, people pale by comparison, becoming shadows of reality. Nothing that other saints do or say can ever upset the one who is built on God."

http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/01/19/devotion.aspx?year=2010

Shadow of Death

Psalm 23, "The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me."

If you have ever been alone without God, then you know what the valley of the shadow of death is like. I have walked right through that valley, and there was nothing safe about it. I lived by Corpus Christi Texas, and I found myself all alone, with no God, with no hope, with no life. I used to sit in my living room calling out for someone, anything to hear me. I was not calling to God, for I had long before given up on Him. I was calling out for anyone else, something else. I was walking right through the shadow of darkness, and I was afraid. Chesterton, “The tragedy of disbelieving in God is not that a person ends up believing in nothing. Alas it is much worse, he may end up believing in anything.” (RZ) My life was upside down and I was drowning.

Some people may think that I am extreme, and I guess I am, but I don't care. I know how far sin can try and destroy me. I know what it is like to want. I know the emptiness that disbelieving in God brings. “The loneliest moment in life is when you have experienced that which you thought would deliver the ultimate, but it has let you down.” (RZ) The ultimate can come in many different forms. Whether it is in the form of physical pleasure, chemical high, or even spiritual awakening. Those mountain tops always have a valley on the other side. It is in knowing that my shepherd is leading me, that I can face this next valley. He lets me rest in green meadows. He guides me as I take my next step, this day. This passage is not for this long journey. This passage is for each moment. I can rest beside the peaceful stream. For when the flood waters come raging in upon me, He will rescue me. He will guide me to another meadow, to another peaceful stream. My job is to follow Him and not be led astray ever again. My job is to guard my heart, so that I don't just turn and start believing in just anything. My job is to make sure that the others who I am following, are following my shepherd.

Psalm 22, "Do not be far from me, for trouble is near, and there is no one to help...But You, O LORD, be not far off; O my Strength, come quickly to help me...Rescue me..You who fear the LORD, Praise Him!... Honor Him! Revere Him..." Let Him guide you, even when you think you can no longer see Him. If you are having trouble finding your shepherd, look around and find His flock. Start following His sheep, so they can help you find Him again.

Oswald Chambers, "When God gets us alone through suffering, heartbreak, temptation, disappointment, sickness, or by thwarted desires, a broken friendship, or a new friendship— when He gets us absolutely alone, and we are totally speechless, unable to ask even one question, then He begins to teach us...As you journey with God, the only thing He intends to be clear is the way He deals with your soul. The sorrows and difficulties in the lives of others will be absolutely confusing to you. We think we understand another person’s struggle until God reveals the same shortcomings in our lives. There are vast areas of stubbornness and ignorance the Holy Spirit has to reveal in each of us, but it can only be done when Jesus gets us alone. Are we alone with Him now? Or are we more concerned with our own ideas, friendships, and cares for our bodies? Jesus cannot teach us anything until we quiet all our intellectual questions and get alone with Him."

http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/01/13/devotion.aspx?year=2010

Thanks Mom, I Needed That

How do I stop! I cannot stop praising my Lord to the nations.
Psalm 71, "O Lord, I have come to you for protection; don’t let me be disgraced. Save me and rescue me, for You do what is right. Turn your ear to listen to me, and set me free....My life is an example to many, because You have been my strength and protection. That is why I can never stop praising You; I declare Your glory all day long...But I will keep on hoping for Your help; I will praise You more and more. I will tell everyone about Your righteousness. All day long I will proclaim Your saving power, though I am not skilled with words. I will praise Your mighty deeds, O Sovereign Lord. I will tell everyone that You alone are just... Let me proclaim Your power to this new generation, Your mighty miracles to all who come after me. Your righteousness, O God, reaches to the highest heavens. You have done such wonderful things. Who can compare with You, O God? You have allowed me to suffer much hardship, but You will restore me to life again and lift me up from the depths of the earth. You will restore me to even greater honor and comfort me once again...I will shout for joy and sing Your praises, for You have ransomed me. I will tell about Your righteous deeds all day long..."

I want to share this email that my mom sent me yesterday... I was feeling bad...

"Hey, Honey,

I was listening to Ravi today...thought I'd tell you what he said....he was talking about answered prayer & how God sometimes is slow in answering...but he does answer...he called it 'time laden'.....said that sometimes when He is slow in answering, or is even quiet, that it's for the completion of those 'witnessing' it.....for instance,,,,Job was an upright man...but how could he earn such a description if he had not yet been subjected to the test necessary for perfection? God allowed the testing not only to shape Job, but also to give to us who come after him, an example of how an upright person works his way through pain & hurt...
Job already had an upright character, but through his struggles we observe how an upright person behaves in the midst of his pain....thats how the work of God gets displayed...perfection is not a change in the essential character, but the completion of a cause.....Matt. 5:48...Jesus tells us to "be perfect even as" His "Father in heaven is perfect." we can't BE who God is, but we can complete the task He assigns us to do. Always obey the will of the Father, even when He seems distant.

Habakkuk pleaded with God to explain how God could use a terrible people like the Babylonians as the judgment wrought against God's own people. Habakkuk literally screamed out the words...VIOLENCE, INJUSTICE, EVIL...."How can You do this?" But he waited patiently for the Lord to answer until God FINALLY repositioned His view...he says you can't always live on the 'mountain-top.....BUT when you walk through the valley, the memory, or the view from the mountain-top, will sustain you & give you the strength to carry you through UNTIL God's timing.....'A heart in close communion with God helps carry you through without words'.....what is essential is.........a sense of God's presence during our dark seasons of questioning.....

I hope you're feeling better....get a good night's rest & tomorrow will be better...I've had a couple of my own clients call today & ask me if the barometric pressure had anything to do with how badly they feel today...thought that interesting....maybe that's what happened with you today, too....

I love you so much, my precious daughter....we'll keep trusting the Lord & keep asking Him to hurry, but we will continue to trust Him.......in the meantime, take your xiao yao wan to help deal with the kids....also, you panax ginseng....but eat nuts, avacados.
etc....keep me posted.....luv u..............your mama"

Oh the tears stream once again as I read her words... Thank you Mama... I love you..

I sing this song in my heart--
"Tell me the story of Jesus, Write on my heart Every word. Tell me the story most Precious, Sweetest that ever was heard. Oh, how I love Jesus. Oh, how I love Jesus. Oh, how I love Jesus, because He first loved me."


http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/01/07/devotion.aspx?year=2010

Avitar

The other night, Jason and I watched Avitar. What an awesome movie! The visual effects; the language of love between all living things; I would love to live in that world. The next morning (the time when you are awake, but still asleep), I found myself dreaming about how beautiful it all was. In my dreams, everything was better. In my dreams I began praising God and looking forward to my final destination. The visuals that are described in the Bible are out of this world. They are surreal, terrifying, and great.

Daniel 7, " Daniel had a dream and saw visions as he lay in his bed. He wrote down the dream, and this is what he saw.
In my vision that night, I, Daniel, saw a great storm churning the surface of a great sea, with strong winds blowing from every direction. Then four huge beasts came up out of the water, each different from the others.
The first beast was like a lion with eagles’ wings. As I watched, its wings were pulled off, and it was left standing with its two hind feet on the ground, like a human being. And it was given a human mind.
Then I saw a second beast, and it looked like a bear. It was rearing up on one side, and it had three ribs in its mouth between its teeth. And I heard a voice saying to it, “Get up! Devour the flesh of many people!”
Then the third of these strange beasts appeared, and it looked like a leopard. It had four bird’s wings on its back, and it had four heads. Great authority was given to this beast.
Then in my vision that night, I saw a fourth beast—terrifying, dreadful, and very strong. It devoured and crushed its victims with huge iron teeth and trampled their remains beneath its feet. It was different from any of the other beasts, and it had ten horns.
As I was looking at the horns, suddenly another small horn appeared among them. Three of the first horns were torn out by the roots to make room for it. This little horn had eyes like human eyes and a mouth that was boasting arrogantly."
Daniel 10:5, "I looked up and saw a man dressed in linen clothing, with a belt of pure gold around his waist. His body looked like a precious gem. His face flashed like lightning, and his eyes flamed like torches. His arms and feet shone like polished bronze, and his voice roared like a vast multitude of people."

The visuals in just this small part of God's word, they are truly great. When I think of this world and what is to come, fear and excitement fill me. Everyone knows that when we die, death is not the end, but the beginning. The confusion takes place on the different theories of where we go and what happens. I don't know what the next stage in my existence will be like. I know that the more scientists are trying to disprove the Bible, the more they find that goes with its teaching.

I love great visuals. That is why Acid was such a great trip (had to put that in there :o) Avitar was a great visual encounter, but even more it addressed the next life. When the people died, they still lived. Every religion has us going somewhere. The questions we must ask ourselves is where are we going? How will we get there? Someone is right. If others are right, I really will not be affected so much, but if the Bible is right, everyone will be affected. Whether they like it or not. The next stage, it excites me. I look forward to my reward. The cool thing for me is that i get a reward that I did nothing to earn. I get to partake in the best visual encounter, that no one here can even simulate with the best technology or strongest drug. I get excited when I get to dream about the final ride of my life. One with new sights in every turn. What are you looking forward to? What is going to be your reward? What if you are right; What if you are wrong? Does it matter?

CAUTION: This is NOT a kids movie, and there are other things about it that could disturb certain people...

Wearing His Coat

How do I talk too anyone, if I cannot talk about my Lord? When I talk to others about being hurt, alone, or scared; how do I talk about these feelings, without sharing the One who rescued me? This is the only way I know how to tell my true history, and that is to include His story...
Psalm 55, "Listen to my prayer, O God. Do not ignore my cry for help! Please listen and answer me,for I am overwhelmed by my troubles...It is not an enemy who taunts me— I could bear that. It is not my foes who so arrogantly insult me— I could have hidden from them. Instead, it is you—my equal, my companion and close friend. What good fellowship we once enjoyed as we walked together to the house of God...But I will call on God, and the Lord will rescue me. Morning, noon, and night I cry out in my distress, and the Lord hears my voice. He ransoms me and keeps me safe from the battle waged against me, though many still oppose me. God, who has ruled forever, will hear me and humble them... As for my companion, he betrayed his friends; he broke his promises. His words are as smooth as butter, but in his heart is war. His words are as soothing as lotion, but underneath are daggers! Give your burdens to the Lord, and He will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall."

There have been so many times in which I have been so hurt and beaten down by those who masquerade around under the title of Christian. I guess that is why I do not like certain titles. Instead of religious, I prefer, in love with my Savior. Instead of Christan, I prefer, Christ follower. For those people posing as religious and Christan, have given me the deepest wounds. They had an opportunity to give the fatal blows, because I let them close to me. I opened myself up to them and they in turn betrayed me. But because I have been hurt by people, does this mean that I stop loving my God? No, I cannot blame Him for the choices others make against Him. People are fallen. No one is perfect, so why would I turn my back on the only One who is. Why would I, but I have.

We have a tendency to want to blame someone, so we blame the One who we think is ultimately responsible for all our pain. We don't want to see that the person who is hurting us, is also hurting. We want to build walls and protect ourselves so we rage against the title and the One we see that is responsible for that title. When a company fails, it is the boss who takes the hardest hit, for the mistakes of those he hired. So when a Christian sins, it is Christ who takes the hit. It is His reputation that suffers. It becomes about the title, and anyone afterward who wears that title, begins with a mark of distrust. This all happens because someone wearing that coat before us, did not wear His coat well.

Ravi tells this story better than me, but I will give it a shot. A person comes in and puts on your coat and shoes. They then go out into the night and rob a store. The policeman sees your coat and your shoes as the robber is fleeing. When the policeman comes to your house he arrests you. In your defense you tell him that it was not you. But he does not believe you and says that he saw you, for it was your coat and shoes.

There are many people out there wearing someone else's coat. They are masquerading around as one thing, but being another. Then the true owner of that coat is blamed. He is beaten, slapped, spit upon, and sentenced to death. But He never tries to defend Himself, for He knows this is the only way. He came and died for everyone, even the ones who do not wear His coat well. "Jesus did not come into this world to make bad people good. He came to make dead people live." (RZ) We are doing ourselves a great injustice. We are rejecting life, if we reject Him, all because we have been robbed by someone wearing His coat.

How thankful I am for the family God has given me. How thankful I am that I did not continually shut the door on people, because of the hurt I have felt from others wearing the same coat. I would be missing out on my sweet sisters in Christ, who are there for me cheering me on, lifting me up when I am down. I would have missed out on a wonderful husband, if I had kept the door shut on him, all because of a previous marriage that went horribly wrong. I would be missing so many of my God given family members, if I never let anyone in because of past hurt. I would be all alone, with only my hurt to keep me company. I cannot hold a grudge against Him, for there has never been someone with more betrayal in their heart, than me. I cannot always wear His coat well. How could I expect others to do better than I do myself? Why would I willingly choose death, when He has freely offered me life. He has given each of us a family and friends. We just have to understand that His family is not perfect. Not everyone wears His coat well, but many are truly trying. I love the friends He has given me, but I understand that they are not perfect, for they need His grace just like I do. The questions that I must ask myself are; Do I show others the same acceptance and grace that He has shown me? Do I wear His coat well?