Apple of His Eye

"Let my teaching fall on you like rain; let my speech settle like dew. Let my words fall like rain on tender grass, like gentle showers on young plants." (Deut 32)

This image, this is the one. You can smell the rain on the grass, refreshing and new. The air is damp. The colors are vibrant... Ahh, take a deep breath. Fill your lungs with the freshness of Spring. Now step into church. Do you still feel the same? Do you feel refreshed and clean? This is how I feel, now at this walk of my life, but there was a time when all I heard was how none of us were good and if we did not live by the "rules" we were going to burn and that is all we deserved anyway. No grass. No fresh smell of rain. A desert wasteland waiting for me to die, this was my view of church, of God, of myself. But this is not where we are going. It is time to return to the Truth. It is time to reclaim who He made us to be; the apple, the maiden, the little man of His eye.

I used to do things that went against everything within me. I lived on the beach. Lets just say, no mamma wanted their children to look my way. I hung out at the bars and celebrated songs about trashy women. But, the whole time, from within my heart cried out, "This is not who I am. I am really good. Why can't you see that? Can you see who I really am through the fog of my actions? Why don't I feel cherished?"

There is something within each one of us that cries out for others to see us differently. Why is this? Maybe it is the God voice calling for us to be who He created us to become. Maybe that cry within our heart, that so desperately wants others to see us more beautifully, is the true cry of who we really are, and yet, for some reason we have squashed that cry and become something different. We have chosen less for ourselves for the world's voice shouted louder and changed us outwardly. So now it is time to return to who He created us to become so that our hearts are refreshed, the colors can be brighter and growth can occur. He created us as the crowning jewel of His delight! We are the little maiden's, the little men in His eye. When I got close to God, close enough to see my reflection in His eye, I could better see myself. Not only who I was, but who He made me to become.

Our society has lied to us. It has tried to tell our men that they will never grow up. They will remain boys forever and they are like animals who cannot control their physical desires. Our women will have to do everything because they just cannot handle it. Our little girls have grown up to quickly, on the other hand. They have become sexualized, not little girls becoming women, but hookers working for free. Through all of these lies, within each one of us we can hear His voice calling us to become more and to overcome the lie, to remember we are the apple of His eye. It is not about following the "rules", but about knowing who you are to Him, knowing who others are to Him as well.

The Ten Commandments are not just a bunch of do's and don'ts. They are a statement of how precious everyone in this equation is. (Exodus 20) God is the one to recognize for who He is. I am sacred and worth more, so give me the respect I need. You and your things are sacred and worth more, so I'll give you the respect you deserve. We have our place and our roles and each one is needed and worthy.

My God, He is Big! My God is my protector, my bouncer. He is the Rock that is immovable and He watches me, not to condemn me, but to guard me from harm. He is my cover who cherishes me and wants me to be treated with respect, for I have worth and value. He is my husband and with Him, no one dares to disrespect me for I hold our relationship close. "I will proclaim the name of the Lord; how glorious is our God! He is the Rock; his deeds are perfect. Everything he does is just and fair. He is a faithful God who does no wrong; how just and upright he is! ...He found them in a desert land, in an empty, howling wasteland. He surrounded them and watched over them; he guarded them as the apple of His eye..."


Remember who He made you to become and never again settle for less!

Shhh, Can you hear Him?

I love to discover new things. Don't you! You think you know and understand something then, Bam. There it is. Something new.

All over Paul's writing he is constantly saying how bad of a sinner he is. I have always had some difficulty with this. Yes, he killed people, but his heart was zealous for God. He may have done wrong, but as far as I could tell, he at least had the right motives. Bam, no... maybe not!!

Acts 22, " “I am a Jew, born in Tarsus, a city in Cilicia, and I was brought up and educated here in Jerusalem under Gamaliel. As his student, I was carefully trained in our Jewish laws and customs. I became very zealous to honor God in everything I did....‘But Lord,’ I argued, ‘they certainly know that in every synagogue I imprisoned and beat those who believed in you. And I was in complete agreement when your witness Stephen was killed. I stood by and kept the coats they took off when they stoned him.’"


There it is. It is very easily overlooked, never noticed, but there it is. All of the answers are in Gamaliel, his teacher. Earlier in Acts 5 we can see part of what Gamaliel was like. Peter and the Apostles had been taken to jail, they had started an uproar because of their teaching. Some of the Jewish leaders were furious and wanted to kill them, then we learn of Gamaliel. "But one member, a Pharisee named Gamaliel, who was an expert in religious law and respected by all the people, stood up and ordered that the men be sent outside the council chamber for a while. Then he said to his colleagues, 'Men of Israel, take care what you are planning to do to these men!' ... 'my advice is, leave these men alone. Let them go. If they are planning and doing these things merely on their own, it will soon be overthrown. But if it is from God, you will not be able to overthrow them. You may even find yourselves fighting against God!'”


It is after Gamliel's words concerning these men that we find Paul holding the coats in approval of Stephen's stoning (7). What if the whole time Paul was doing what he was doing and hearing this most respected mans words, "if it is from God, you will not be able to overthrow them. You may even find yourselves fighting against God!” And this is why he was so heart broken about what he had done. He knew! He knew he shouldn't be doing what he was, and yet he kept doing it. What if, inside he wasn't killing for God, but while he was standing in the crowd at Stephen's stoning he became hi with the rush of the crowd and that was what he was seeking from then on. Man's approval, that very addictive calling. The yelling that can drown out the whispers of the Holy Spirit, our conscience.


We all do this in some form. We drown out our conscience so that we can continue to do what We want. Many of us, from childhood, we have trained ourselves Not to listen. Some of us, have been practicing this for so long we have almost completely hushed our inner voice concerning "this" area of our life. We don't want to hear. We silence this voice telling us, "No, don't go there... Keep quiet here... Don't pick that up..." The times we choose not to listen, the list can go on and on. It is a practice of moment by moment silencing. This is when our own desires get skewed and we can no longer determine what is from God and what is it that is really our own desire.


So how do you turn on your listening heart's ear when you have silenced it for so long? I don't know how everyone should do this, but I can tell you how I have been trying to retrain myself.


My big one started when I was taken out of my past marriage. I allowed others, whom I respected, to guide me into what I was supposed to do. Now I didn't always get it right, I still don't, but I was trying to retrain my actions to follow what I was told. My conscience voice had become skewed with my desire voice, so I needed others to look into my life and help me see truth. I asked others about everything. *(Now if you are already a people pleaser, this is not for you.) I needed help though, and just praying about it myself was never going to do the trick. I had to retrain my actions. I still go to others often, but after years of retraining, I am better at discerning my desires from His voice. It is a process. I had not stifled my conscience over night and the retraining of my listening ear did not happen over night either. One of the best tools that I have is still my bible. I have developed a practice of looking at God's instructions for other people's lives through the stories told, then applying those lessons to my own life. Every morning I get up way before the sun has risen and focus my listening ear toward Him. I have surrounded myself with people whom I respect and I listen to them closely. I have changed how I choose to live and with this life change, I have changed on the inside. And with this, I live free.


We need to hear. We all need to heed what we hear. The more I learn about God the more I see how much He truly loves me. The more I learn about Him, the more I see my own worth and value. His lessons, His desire's are for my best. He wants the best for my life. If I will learn to listen, I will have a good life wherever I go. It is in my own heart that I can see my true desires for my life. He has given everyone the blessings of our conscience. Are we willing to listen and obey what we hear? That is always the question, moment by moment...

Business Dealings

Do you ever second guess yourself.  Wondering, "Did I do that? How did that happen? or Am I at fault here?"  So many things come into play as we work out each day, but when something goes wrong, those are the days that self doubt takes over.

I have been going through this.  The other day I received an email from one of the home owners that I work for.  She was questioning me about her home and some things that she found.  I immediately go into, "What did I not do, or I could have been more diligent here..."  My mind races and every step that I take is looked over and over and over.  I re-walk my steps through the house in my mind, over and over again.  Jason saw me "going there" last night.  He laid aside what he was doing then reached out and took me.  He asked, "Have you done anything wrong?"
"No"
"Did you open the door that was found open?"  (Other workers have access to the house as well.)
"No"
Every part of my performance is questioned and I start to cry.  I can't help it.  I know I could do better.  I always can!  But his words brought my heart to rest on the truth, "You did everything you could.  You take care of your job and you do it well.  If we loose these clients over this, it is okay."  And with that he hugged me and turned to finish what he was working on.

My night did not end in complete rest of my mind, but when I turned to scripture this morning I saw exactly what I needed to.  Proverbs 11:1, "Dishonesty in business disgusts the Eternal, but fair dealings delights Him."  Then the insert right below this says, "Business may well be the most common human activity, so God cares deeply about how we conduct our business.  Many proverbs address honesty in all forms of business-buying, selling, negotiating, transacting, and working.  All of these depend on trust.  Deceit in business causes many people to suffer.  In fact, world economies and all our livelihoods depend in large measure on truthfulness  honesty, and fair dealings in the market."

This may sound crazy, like a reprimand, but it is not.  I am innocent and have conducted myself with integrity.    I do at times take someone with me while I am working, but I am not irresponsible in doing this.  Often I need help, or it may be a good time to talk while I work.  They do not have free reign of the home, but are with me.  So why do I immediately jump to the awful conclusion that I have done something wrong?

Part of my insecurity is the fact that these home owners do not have a personal relationship with me.  They do not know me!  So in this I feel I am constantly having to prove myself.  That is an awful way to live.  This does not bring me security, but a feeling of inadequacy.  100% self inflicted.  May my heart rest on my reputation within.  Have I been perfect?  No.  Have I seen a few things I need to check on that I have not thought of before?  Indeed.  Will I do a little better next time in noticing what I do not usually think of? Yes.  With that, I can rest no matter the outcome.

Colossians 3:23, "Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.  Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ."

Nanny Cams, that is our next step.  I do my work well, but only He can see me when I am alone.  I have nothing to hide, for I know that in truth I always have someone watching.  I am hoping to get cameras in all of our homes.  Then there is never a question of "who?"  I do not have to live with a feeling of "self preservation", but a feeling of security that no matter what happens, He will take care of me.  I have been fair.   I have done my job to the best of my previously known ability.  Some things have been brought to my attention... now I know and will do even better.  That is all that can be expected of anyone.

As a child I trained myself to live on the defense.  I would lie and mislead.  I trained myself to not trust myself through the choices I made.  I have discovered that this is no way to live!  I still go there, but it is not merited.  I must constantly remind my heart of who I am now and I do not have to live in my past.  "I press on to the prize at the end for which Christ is calling me heavenward."  And with that, I find peace.  But in order to find this peace we must first look at our own heart.  Are we living in every day like we are being watched from Nanny Cameras?  If we discover that one day we have been filmed, what will be our reaction then?  Do we really live as though our true boss is the Lord?