The theme of my life seems to be, "It's not about me." While I was on vacation Mother's Day came, so I went for a short walk. I wanted some alone time, some time to reflect and clear the air. You know, no matter how wonderful your relatives are, sometimes, some alone time is a must so you can think. Mother's Day, I took some time to myself and went for that walk I so desperately needed. It was a cold breezy day. It had rained the day before and the air was crisp, my in-laws home is just a few short blocks from the coast in Portland Maine, so I could feel the sea in the air. It was on this walk that I was reflecting on the day ahead and how I had spent Mother's Day in the past. It was during this time that my eyes were opened. It was during this time that the true joy of the day was not about me at all. It was during this time that I saw my boys for the first time, like I had never seen them before.
I am a mother, so I am speaking from how I need to look out at each day, including those holidays that tend to let me say, "It's all about me." This is my struggle, I tend to want to become selfish. If I get an excuse and others tell me it is okay to become selfish, then I become a monster. I want to say, "Do you see all that I do? Do you care that I do so much for you? Are you going to dote on me now, for you know that I deserve this!" This realization toward self-centeredness helped me to look at Mother's Day and being a mother in a whole new light. What a blessing to be a mother. If I hadn't had my boys, I would not be a mommy. This holiday and really everyday is about my children. Not even one day can be set aside for me, and that is okay, for this was the best Mother's Day I had ever had. This realization helped me to see my boys like I had never seen them before. The day did not go according to my plans and my time, but it was the best Mother's Day I had ever had and I didn't even get flowers!
Psalm 34, "I will praise the Lord at all times. I will constantly speak His praises. I will boast only in the Lord; let all who are helpless take heart. Come, let us tell of the Lord’s greatness; let us exalt His name together. I prayed to the Lord, and He answered me. He freed me from all my fears. Those who look to Him for help will be radiant with joy; ...Taste and see that the Lord is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in Him!... Come, my children, and listen to me, and I will teach you to fear the Lord..."
After my walk was over and I had sung praises to my Lord, because He had opened my eyes, when I entered the house my attitude about the day had changed. I called each boy to come and speak with me alone. I took each son in my arm and asked him if he knew what this day was about. Each of them said that it was about me, but I looked at them lovingly in my arms and corrected them. I took that sweet baby in my arms and said, "No, it is about you! Did you know that if you were not here, this day would not be special for me. If you were not here, I would have nothing to celebrate. This day is special for me, all because of you. Today, I am celebrating you. Thank you so much for making this day so wonderful for me." Those precious babies each had this wonderful look on their faces when I told each of them how special they were. All because I looked at the reason I could celebrate Mother's Day, this was the best Mother's Day I had ever had. The only reason it was so wonderful for me is because it was not about me.
I will make mistakes as a mother. I will let the selfish root sneak in and try to turn me into a monster, but my eyes have been opened and I have no excuse to stay that way. If I can keep the focus on the true reason for my joy, then I will be blessed. All I have to do is to remember the greatest command: “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” If I will keep my focus on God, on others, then I will always have reasons to rejoice. If I will do this, then I will not become the monster of selfishness. Proverbs 31, "Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her:'There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!' Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise." She will be praised, because it was never about her...
Showing posts with label holiday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label holiday. Show all posts
Friday, May 14, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
Same Old Story
Yesterday at church, was the same old story that we have all heard a thousand times before. Nothing new, the resurrection of Christ. To some the story seems mundane. To some the only stories they hear from the pulpit are the birth, death, and resurrection stories. They hear a lesson preached from the pulpit, two maybe three times a year. They walk in, do their duty for the year, and walk out thinking, "nothing new there." Nothing new there, must resound in their ears, but to those of us that have tasted the sweet taste of forgiveness, we know there is something new there, every day. I always see something new...
John 20, "So Peter and the other disciple started for the tomb. Both were running, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first. He bent over and looked in at the strips of linen lying there but did not go in. Then Simon Peter, who was behind him, arrived and went into the tomb. He saw the strips of linen lying there, as well as the burial cloth that had been around Jesus' head. The cloth was folded up by itself, separate from the linen. Finally the other disciple, who had reached the tomb first, also went inside. He saw and believed...She turned to leave and saw someone standing there. It was Jesus, but she didn’t recognize Him. 'Dear woman, why are you crying?' Jesus asked her. 'Who are you looking for?' She thought He was the gardener. 'Sir,' she said, 'if you have taken Him away, tell me where you have put Him, and I will go and get Him.' 'Mary!' Jesus said. She turned to Him and cried out, 'Rabboni!'”
The story is written so that we can see their fear, their pain, their joy. I love it. The one disciple got their first. He ran hard and fast, yet he did not proceed into the tomb, but Peter went on into take a closer look. I can see how we approach our own search for Him in the same way. Some of us jump and start running. We proceed very fast with our journey in faith, but so often when something unexpected comes upon us, we pause and do not dare to get any closer. Yet, others travel much more slowly. (Probably no one has looked at this story and said that Peter was the more cautious one, but this is how I see it NEW today.) Their journey with their faith in Christ takes them time and they use caution and discernment, before they commit their lives to Him. Oh, but once they commit, their faith is strong and their commitment is everlasting. They become the determined ones, the one that do not waiver and the ones that proceed unhindered when the waves of life are upon them. Still others are passionate about their life with Him, but when life is hard we often do not recognize Him in the pain. We question everything and everyone, wondering how and why. But then, after He has allowed our questioning for a time, He looks at us, takes our face into His hands, and says, "Can you see Me now? I never left you."
Oswald Chambers, "It was not death on the cross that Jesus agonized over in Gethsemane. In fact, He stated very emphatically that He came with the purpose of dying. His concern here was that He might not get through this struggle as the Son of Man. He was confident of getting through it as the Son of God— Satan could not touch Him there. But Satan’s assault was that our Lord would come through for us on His own solely as the Son of Man...The agony in Gethsemane was the agony of the Son of God in fulfilling His destiny as the Savior of the world. The veil is pulled back here to reveal all that it cost Him to make it possible for us to become sons of God. His agony was the basis for the simplicity of our salvation. The Cross of Christ was a triumph for the Son of Man. It was not only a sign that our Lord had triumphed, but that He had triumphed to save the human race. Because of what the Son of Man went through, every human being has been provided with a way of access into the very presence of God."
This is not the same old story. This is the story of my salvation. This is the only way that any of us will ever be able to live forever. This is the only way that we have redemption. I am so thankful that He understands my pain, my weak humanness. I am so thankful that He paid my debt, so that I do not have to live in guilt and condemnation, separated from God forever. After you seek, you shall find. After you cry, you shall sing. After you feel the pain, He will heal. It is about listening to Him. Then, His story is new every day. It is all about the Birth, Death, and Resurrection of Christ. The question is, where are you in His story?
http://utmost.org/his-agony-and-our-access/
John 20, "So Peter and the other disciple started for the tomb. Both were running, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first. He bent over and looked in at the strips of linen lying there but did not go in. Then Simon Peter, who was behind him, arrived and went into the tomb. He saw the strips of linen lying there, as well as the burial cloth that had been around Jesus' head. The cloth was folded up by itself, separate from the linen. Finally the other disciple, who had reached the tomb first, also went inside. He saw and believed...She turned to leave and saw someone standing there. It was Jesus, but she didn’t recognize Him. 'Dear woman, why are you crying?' Jesus asked her. 'Who are you looking for?' She thought He was the gardener. 'Sir,' she said, 'if you have taken Him away, tell me where you have put Him, and I will go and get Him.' 'Mary!' Jesus said. She turned to Him and cried out, 'Rabboni!'”
The story is written so that we can see their fear, their pain, their joy. I love it. The one disciple got their first. He ran hard and fast, yet he did not proceed into the tomb, but Peter went on into take a closer look. I can see how we approach our own search for Him in the same way. Some of us jump and start running. We proceed very fast with our journey in faith, but so often when something unexpected comes upon us, we pause and do not dare to get any closer. Yet, others travel much more slowly. (Probably no one has looked at this story and said that Peter was the more cautious one, but this is how I see it NEW today.) Their journey with their faith in Christ takes them time and they use caution and discernment, before they commit their lives to Him. Oh, but once they commit, their faith is strong and their commitment is everlasting. They become the determined ones, the one that do not waiver and the ones that proceed unhindered when the waves of life are upon them. Still others are passionate about their life with Him, but when life is hard we often do not recognize Him in the pain. We question everything and everyone, wondering how and why. But then, after He has allowed our questioning for a time, He looks at us, takes our face into His hands, and says, "Can you see Me now? I never left you."
Oswald Chambers, "It was not death on the cross that Jesus agonized over in Gethsemane. In fact, He stated very emphatically that He came with the purpose of dying. His concern here was that He might not get through this struggle as the Son of Man. He was confident of getting through it as the Son of God— Satan could not touch Him there. But Satan’s assault was that our Lord would come through for us on His own solely as the Son of Man...The agony in Gethsemane was the agony of the Son of God in fulfilling His destiny as the Savior of the world. The veil is pulled back here to reveal all that it cost Him to make it possible for us to become sons of God. His agony was the basis for the simplicity of our salvation. The Cross of Christ was a triumph for the Son of Man. It was not only a sign that our Lord had triumphed, but that He had triumphed to save the human race. Because of what the Son of Man went through, every human being has been provided with a way of access into the very presence of God."
This is not the same old story. This is the story of my salvation. This is the only way that any of us will ever be able to live forever. This is the only way that we have redemption. I am so thankful that He understands my pain, my weak humanness. I am so thankful that He paid my debt, so that I do not have to live in guilt and condemnation, separated from God forever. After you seek, you shall find. After you cry, you shall sing. After you feel the pain, He will heal. It is about listening to Him. Then, His story is new every day. It is all about the Birth, Death, and Resurrection of Christ. The question is, where are you in His story?
http://utmost.org/his-agony-and-our-access/
Friday, April 2, 2010
Exposed
Today is good Friday. All this week I have been reading Matthew 21-27, looking at what happened after Jesus' triumphal entry into Jerusalem. He entered the city with shouts of joy from the crowd. They were praising Him, "'Hosanna to the Son of David!' 'Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord!' 'Hosanna in the highest!'" I have been concentrating on what lead to the dramatic change of events. They went from praising Him, to shouting, "Crucify Him!" So what happened what changed them so dramatically. Most of the time we concentrate our study on the second coming, or on Mary anointing Jesus' feet, or Peter's denial, or even Judas' betrayal, but I have wanted to know what really set things in motion. The truth is what set peoples hearts on fire against Him. It really was not truth about Him, but truth about them.
(23:1-36), "Then Jesus said to the crowds and to his disciples, 'The teachers of religious law and the Pharisees are the official interpreters of the law of Moses. So practice and obey whatever they tell you, but don’t follow their example. For they don’t practice what they teach. They crush people with unbearable religious demands and never lift a finger to ease the burden. Everything they do is for show... Hypocrites!... Hypocrites!... Hypocrites! Blind guides!... Hypocrites!'"
It was Jesus pointing out the truth in people that turned the crowds. No one likes to be exposed for what they really are. We try to cover and hide our sinful nature. We don't want others to tell us that we are wrong. We can all be put into the category of hypocrite. We want people to think that we are mostly good at heart, but when someone comes and exposes what we are doing as the truth, we want to fight against them and turn others against them as well. It isn't just the "teachers" that do this, but everyone. We all want everyone to agree with our life choices. We all want to say that what we do is not really all that bad. It is hard when someone calls us out and exposes us. Our tendency is to fight against the truth others see in us, until the bottom falls out and there is no other way to run from it. The problem with this approach, is the destruction we cause along the way.
Oswald Chambers, "When Paul received his sight, he also received spiritual insight into the Person of Jesus Christ. His entire life and preaching from that point on were totally consumed with nothing but Jesus Christ— 'For I determined not to know anything among you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified' ( 1 Corinthians 2:2 ). Paul never again allowed anything to attract and hold the attention of his mind and soul except the face of Jesus Christ... Never allow anything to divert you from your insight into Jesus Christ. It is the true test of whether you are spiritual or not. To be unspiritual means that other things have a growing fascination for you. Since mine eyes have looked on Jesus, I’ve lost sight of all beside, So enchained my spirit’s vision, Gazing on the Crucified." Allow Jesus to expose the truth in your life. Allow Him to take away what you thought was pleasing, gratifying, and ultimately your destruction, so that you can finally walk free. Once your eyes are opened to the truth, the truth shall set you free. Take a look at the cross. How has your life lead to the Crucifixion of Christ?
http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/04/02/devotion.aspx?year=2010
(23:1-36), "Then Jesus said to the crowds and to his disciples, 'The teachers of religious law and the Pharisees are the official interpreters of the law of Moses. So practice and obey whatever they tell you, but don’t follow their example. For they don’t practice what they teach. They crush people with unbearable religious demands and never lift a finger to ease the burden. Everything they do is for show... Hypocrites!... Hypocrites!... Hypocrites! Blind guides!... Hypocrites!'"
It was Jesus pointing out the truth in people that turned the crowds. No one likes to be exposed for what they really are. We try to cover and hide our sinful nature. We don't want others to tell us that we are wrong. We can all be put into the category of hypocrite. We want people to think that we are mostly good at heart, but when someone comes and exposes what we are doing as the truth, we want to fight against them and turn others against them as well. It isn't just the "teachers" that do this, but everyone. We all want everyone to agree with our life choices. We all want to say that what we do is not really all that bad. It is hard when someone calls us out and exposes us. Our tendency is to fight against the truth others see in us, until the bottom falls out and there is no other way to run from it. The problem with this approach, is the destruction we cause along the way.
Oswald Chambers, "When Paul received his sight, he also received spiritual insight into the Person of Jesus Christ. His entire life and preaching from that point on were totally consumed with nothing but Jesus Christ— 'For I determined not to know anything among you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified' ( 1 Corinthians 2:2 ). Paul never again allowed anything to attract and hold the attention of his mind and soul except the face of Jesus Christ... Never allow anything to divert you from your insight into Jesus Christ. It is the true test of whether you are spiritual or not. To be unspiritual means that other things have a growing fascination for you. Since mine eyes have looked on Jesus, I’ve lost sight of all beside, So enchained my spirit’s vision, Gazing on the Crucified." Allow Jesus to expose the truth in your life. Allow Him to take away what you thought was pleasing, gratifying, and ultimately your destruction, so that you can finally walk free. Once your eyes are opened to the truth, the truth shall set you free. Take a look at the cross. How has your life lead to the Crucifixion of Christ?
http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/04/02/devotion.aspx?year=2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Temple Clearing
Matthew 21:12-17, Jesus, right after His triumphal entry, entered the temple and began clearing it. Knocking over the tables, He said to them, “The Scriptures declare, ‘My Temple will be called a house of prayer,’ but you have turned it into a den of thieves!”
When I read about the temple, my mind is always brought back to the fact that we are the temple now. As Christians we are the temple of God. We are supposed to keep ourselves holy and set apart for His service, but we tend to forget this. We are supposed to always be open for the hurting to come to us. Our homes are to be a sanctuary, a safe place, not only for us, but for others as well.
I had some college girls living with us a few months ago. Through their eyes, I started living my life as a Christ follower. Every time we have opened our home for someone else to stay with us, we have realized something very profound. It is in our home that our true faith is revealed. If you have to change the way you talk to your children, because someone else is listening, maybe your heart is not right toward your children. If others want to avoid your interaction with your spouse, maybe your heart is hard to the one you said you were committed to. If you live differently when others are around you, something is wrong. We are the temple of God. Every day is to be set aside for Him through our lives. It is not about earning your salvation, that is what the cross is about. It is about changing your actions, allowing Him to change your heart. It is about commitment. Who are you committed to?
This week is Holy week. The week set aside before Easter, so that we can thank Christ for dying for us on the Cross. We often think about what He does for us, but do we turn our thoughts inward at our commitment to Him? Do we need to clear the temple and look at how we are really living our lives, when no one else can see us? Can our children not only see our devotion to Christ in our home, but also feel His devotion to them through us? Does our spouse know that we are committed to them, sacrificially, for them. It is not about entering a building to show that we worship God. It is about being the temple of God on a daily basis. If Christ entered your temple after His triumphal entry, would He be knocking over some tables?
When I read about the temple, my mind is always brought back to the fact that we are the temple now. As Christians we are the temple of God. We are supposed to keep ourselves holy and set apart for His service, but we tend to forget this. We are supposed to always be open for the hurting to come to us. Our homes are to be a sanctuary, a safe place, not only for us, but for others as well.
I had some college girls living with us a few months ago. Through their eyes, I started living my life as a Christ follower. Every time we have opened our home for someone else to stay with us, we have realized something very profound. It is in our home that our true faith is revealed. If you have to change the way you talk to your children, because someone else is listening, maybe your heart is not right toward your children. If others want to avoid your interaction with your spouse, maybe your heart is hard to the one you said you were committed to. If you live differently when others are around you, something is wrong. We are the temple of God. Every day is to be set aside for Him through our lives. It is not about earning your salvation, that is what the cross is about. It is about changing your actions, allowing Him to change your heart. It is about commitment. Who are you committed to?
This week is Holy week. The week set aside before Easter, so that we can thank Christ for dying for us on the Cross. We often think about what He does for us, but do we turn our thoughts inward at our commitment to Him? Do we need to clear the temple and look at how we are really living our lives, when no one else can see us? Can our children not only see our devotion to Christ in our home, but also feel His devotion to them through us? Does our spouse know that we are committed to them, sacrificially, for them. It is not about entering a building to show that we worship God. It is about being the temple of God on a daily basis. If Christ entered your temple after His triumphal entry, would He be knocking over some tables?
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Valentine
The first of February I entered a love letters contest through Focus on the Family. So almost every day I have been writing a new letter to Jason for this contest. Now the contest is over and I was not a winner, but I did win. My focus for Jason was restarted and my love ignited. Here are peaces of my letters put together for my husband. The reason for my love...
Jason,
"Through you, I have found the love of my LORD. The more in love with Christ I become, the more in love with you I am.
You took a broken woman and transformed me with God's love. I was a woman broken from drugs and the dark world of stripping. I was broken with MS. I was unlovable, yet you loved me anyway. I wore a scarlet letter. Now I am washed clean as the new day of snow. You are my Hosea!
When this journey began, I didn't want it. I tried my best to scare you away. I had already been married before, why would I want to do that again? Instead of running away from the ugliness of my past, your words were, “I think I am here to help you heal.” How true this was.
One day, several years ago, I looked at you and said, "I love you, but I am not in love with you." Words meant to harm, not comfort. Instead of giving up, you dug in, but in a way that no one had ever done for me before. You turned to Christ. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless." This became your scripture. You started treating me like you really thought Christ would treat me, and my hard heart softened. Honestly, after years of being put through a shredder, it only took a very short time and I was healed.
Thank you for listening to God, instead of running from what must have seemed an impossible challenge. You took the broken woman God was placing in front of you, and helped to make me whole. Why would anyone want to go there? My past was full of more pain than most anyone would ever want to face, but you were stronger than my past. Thank you for the willingness to walk with me on my journey.
You took every idea I ever had and changed the meaning to truth. I discovered the muscular strength of youth fades, but the inner strength of a godly man makes him big. When I was young I thought that the strength came from physical mass, but as I have watched you mature I have discovered just how strong you really are. You are the strongest man I have ever known.
Do you know that I love looking at your reflection in the mirror. For the image that I see, is not the man that stands beside me, but my Lord, Christ. When I think of you, I see Him. You showed me Christ in a way no other ever taught me. When I see you walk into a room, my heart jumps knowing you are here. No other could ever compare to you. I am confident within myself, knowing that you are mine. Your strength gives me strength. Your name gives me a good reputation. Your God has given me a new life. I love the man you are. I love the confidence you carry. I love that our boys watch you to see who they are to become. You are my Hosea, my redeemer, my lover, my rock, my.... I love you.
Thank you for helping me become the woman I am today. Thank you for letting me be open about my past life. Thank you for giving me an opportunity to make good what Satan intended for evil. I love working with you in helping others see that; if we can make it, they can make it too."
This is my love letter to my husband. Without the love of God radiating out from him, we would have never made it. My heart had been torn in so many pieces, who could have found all of them! Christ showed up, knowing where they all were. It is not really Jason that I have fallen in love with, but Christ through him. There is really only one way to write a love story and that is with the true author of love. Without Him, there is always something missing. Without Him, our true selfish selves show up. With Him, passion takes over and love never dies. For the greatest of these things is love....
Jason,
"Through you, I have found the love of my LORD. The more in love with Christ I become, the more in love with you I am.
You took a broken woman and transformed me with God's love. I was a woman broken from drugs and the dark world of stripping. I was broken with MS. I was unlovable, yet you loved me anyway. I wore a scarlet letter. Now I am washed clean as the new day of snow. You are my Hosea!
When this journey began, I didn't want it. I tried my best to scare you away. I had already been married before, why would I want to do that again? Instead of running away from the ugliness of my past, your words were, “I think I am here to help you heal.” How true this was.
One day, several years ago, I looked at you and said, "I love you, but I am not in love with you." Words meant to harm, not comfort. Instead of giving up, you dug in, but in a way that no one had ever done for me before. You turned to Christ. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless." This became your scripture. You started treating me like you really thought Christ would treat me, and my hard heart softened. Honestly, after years of being put through a shredder, it only took a very short time and I was healed.
Thank you for listening to God, instead of running from what must have seemed an impossible challenge. You took the broken woman God was placing in front of you, and helped to make me whole. Why would anyone want to go there? My past was full of more pain than most anyone would ever want to face, but you were stronger than my past. Thank you for the willingness to walk with me on my journey.
You took every idea I ever had and changed the meaning to truth. I discovered the muscular strength of youth fades, but the inner strength of a godly man makes him big. When I was young I thought that the strength came from physical mass, but as I have watched you mature I have discovered just how strong you really are. You are the strongest man I have ever known.
Do you know that I love looking at your reflection in the mirror. For the image that I see, is not the man that stands beside me, but my Lord, Christ. When I think of you, I see Him. You showed me Christ in a way no other ever taught me. When I see you walk into a room, my heart jumps knowing you are here. No other could ever compare to you. I am confident within myself, knowing that you are mine. Your strength gives me strength. Your name gives me a good reputation. Your God has given me a new life. I love the man you are. I love the confidence you carry. I love that our boys watch you to see who they are to become. You are my Hosea, my redeemer, my lover, my rock, my.... I love you.
Thank you for helping me become the woman I am today. Thank you for letting me be open about my past life. Thank you for giving me an opportunity to make good what Satan intended for evil. I love working with you in helping others see that; if we can make it, they can make it too."
This is my love letter to my husband. Without the love of God radiating out from him, we would have never made it. My heart had been torn in so many pieces, who could have found all of them! Christ showed up, knowing where they all were. It is not really Jason that I have fallen in love with, but Christ through him. There is really only one way to write a love story and that is with the true author of love. Without Him, there is always something missing. Without Him, our true selfish selves show up. With Him, passion takes over and love never dies. For the greatest of these things is love....
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