What is your True Desire?

Something was brought to my attention the other day that I feel needs to be addressed. This is the question, "Is it okay for Christians to smoke marijuana?" This is a legitimate question. There are three local dispensaries right around us for medical marijuana. This is a question that many have for it seems that the government is now for marijuana, because they are selling it! So, I started searching. One of my favorite places for research is the blog, Evidence for God from Science. So much of my research on this topic comes from Richard Deem who is a brilliant scientist and professor. I am not going to go into the scientific research that he does. You can go to his blog and read all you want on the science of marijuana. In fact, I encourage you to do so. I am going to talk from my personal experience. So here we go...

When I think of smoking marijuana, or getting drunk, or taking other drugs that get in the way of my mind working as it should, I immediately think of my relationship with God and other people. Oh, yes those physical feelings that I experience in the moment of that high are alluring, but the consequences that come afterwards are what keeps coming to my mind. It is not really the detrimental consequences that I think of. It is the consequences of being able to have that relationship that I so desperately need from my God and others around me. "Jesus replied:‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your MIND.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.'" (Matthew 22:37). How are we loving our Lord, our God with all of our mind if we are blocking hearing Him with the things we place in us?

For me, in this time of my life, I no longer worry about the sexual consequences of sleeping with the wrong guy because I get drunk, or about any of the physical consequences that many war against when they are young. The consequences that keep my attention are the consequences that I see with my relationship with my God. My God is not just an opinion that I have. He is the center of my life and we have a very real relationship together. Why would I do something that would get in the way of this relationship? The only answer that I can come up with are these: I either do not really believe that I can have a true relationship with Him, or I do not really love Him as He has instructed me to love Him, or I am just too concerned about myself and what I want in that moment to really care about Him or about how I am affecting others around me. Basically, am I being selfish and just concerned about what I want in that moment. Not about the whole picture that God sees in every decision that I make in every moment.

“An opinion is a position you hold with a varied degree of intensity that merely voices your preference. A conviction is that which is rooted in your conscience. So that if you were to toy with your opinions you are going to be jossiling with your preferences. If you are going to toy with a conviction you are going to have to deal with your conscience before you altered it," (RZ, Convictions that conquered the world).

My God and what He expects from me is not just an opinion that I hold, but a conviction that has change my life forever. 2 Timothy 3:1-5, "People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, LOVERS OF PLEASURE RATHER THAN LOVERS OF GOD, having a form of godliness but denying its power." I cannot seek myself first, but Him and I know that when I allow myself to indulge in the physical pleasures of something that will alter my mind, then I know that my relationship with Him will be altered. I am not willing to give Him up. This is a conviction for me, not just an opinion. I have done my research. I have experienced this life with Him as my center. I know what I have and what I could loose.

I have found my freedom in Christ and through Him I choose to never be a slave to something that will control my life. I am a bond servant to my Lord. I am no longer a slave to drugs that call you every waking moment. I can now have fun without them. I know what gives me true life. I am not blind to what the world offers as life, but what it will destroy in the process. That moment of getting high may not affect you physically while you are doing it. You may not suffer one bit for that pleasure that you seek, but you will be affected and so will those that you do it with. It will get in the way of your relationship with Christ, and your ability to hear God clearly. Those that you do it with, will not be able to see God through you like you wish they could. You will not be able to love the Lord your God as He has called you to and you will not be able to love those around you like you think you can, if you are getting high. Are you really a Christian, a Christ follower?

"Then He [Jesus] said to them all: 'If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for Me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?' (Luke 9:23-25)" Who are you really following if you are a slave to your physical desires? Do you hold to an opinion or to a conviction? Do the research and find the truth.

Click on the title above "What is your True Desire" and it will take you to your first form of research on this matter. Then search more and learn the truth. At the bottom of this link there are two other "Related Pages, 'The Medical Benefits of smoking Marijuana', and 'Does the bible talk about Drugs.'" Find out what you stand on, Opinion or Conviction.

Rejecting God

1 Samuel 8, “'Look,' they told him, 'you are now old, and your sons are not like you. Give us a king to judge us like all the other nations have.' Samuel was displeased with their request and went to the Lord for guidance. 'Do everything they say to you,' the Lord replied, 'for it is Me they are rejecting, not you. They don’t want Me to be their king any longer. Ever since I brought them from Egypt they have continually abandoned Me and followed other gods. And now they are giving you the same treatment. Do as they ask, but solemnly warn them about the way a king will reign over them.'”

I had a vision the other day about this verse. I will pertain it to my life. When I was young all that I ever wanted was a husband. I wanted someone to come in and save me from myself. I desired nothing more than to be married. All the while God was calling me to be His. He desired for me to want Him. He had come to save me from myself and He knew that no one else could give me what I truly desired. However, I would not listen to Him. I desired a husband and no one could stop me from my pursuit. He tried to warn me. All of my friends were against me getting married (the first time). But I was determined, I just knew getting married would solve all of my problems. So I did.

As I look back upon my choice, I can see all of the warnings. I could hear every living being on earth screaming at me to stop what I was doing, but my mind was made up and I was running away to Vegas to prove them wrong.

"A king, a husband to rule over you. Don't you know that I love you and if you will wait with Me I will give you a better life than you could ever imagine. I love you and I desire to be your Husband. I will not rule over you like the wrong man will. I will love you and I will cherish you. You are my bride and I will take care of you. Don't you trust me." These were the words that God was whispering to my heart, but my desire made it so that I could not hear Him. I not only could not hear Him, I did not want to.

How many times have our own desires led us down the wrong path in our life. If we could learn the lesson without the heartache things would go so much easier. But, as a child of God, I am just like my children. They learn better when there is a little pain involved, or if I make there situation uncomfortable.

I am not against desiring marriage. I am married to a wonderful man, but when we got married, Jason was not my desire. I married Jason out of obedience to God. This time my focus was different. This time my focus was on God, and through my husband, I have been able to see what God had desired for me all along. He desires for me to be happy. He desires for me to live a life full of love. He desires for me to be in a relationship with Him first, so that He can bless my relationships that I have with others. It is all about my focus. It is all about my desire. The hard part is when we continually refuse to listen to His gentile whispers of love, He will finally let you have what you want. The problem is that our dreams rarely coincide with reality.

What are you desiring? Where is your focus? “It is important for you and me to know that God is not really giving us a more ethical way by which to live, but He is giving us a life that we could never manufacture on our own; by changing our hearts and changing our hungers.” (RZ) It took several years for my desire to be for my husband or for my marriage. God needed me to focus on Him so that He could change me from within. Then my life was changed in a more dramatic way than I could have ever imagined. He changed my heart and my hunger was for Him alone. Now because He knows my heart to be faithful to Him, my desire for my husband, for my marriage is extreme. I have what I always desired, but He first had to know that I desired Him more. I have my dream, but it is not because I am married to the perfect man. He is good, but he is not perfect. I have a wonderful life because God is my focus and my true life. I was rejecting God because of my desire for a husband. I now desire God and I am blessed, for I finally started to listen.

Honey in the Rock

It can be so hard and frustrating to try and counsel someone that is not a believer in Christ, nor do they have any desire to be. There is no hope in that counsel. There is no life there, and it seems, no answers for them. Now, I have so much bottled up. I must share my hope. We all struggle with times of depression. We all have those moments when we want to pull the covers back over our heads and not face the light of day. Our tendency is to want to feed the depression. Instead of fighting against it, we all want to give in and embrace our feelings. We turn on music that will give us a feeling of entitlement to our attitude. We want to watch depressing movies that allow us to share our emotions with someone else. Even if it is just through an actor playing a part. We go toward the darkness instead of fleeing from it. We think that we are better off and it is better for us to accommodate our lives to how we are feeling. Instead, of fighting against the feelings, we embrace them.

Here is the part that saddens me when speaking to an unbeliever who is suffering with depression, I don't know how to encourage them to come out of their imprisonment. It is during those hard times that we as followers of Christ can feel Him. He is found in the rocks of life. "But I would feed you with the finest foods. I would satisfy you with wild honey from the rock,” (Psalm 81). When those hard times in life are felt, when we see a rock in front of us that seems impenetrable, it is then that we can see the mighty hand of God helping us over, around, and through that obstacle.

Honey is the taste of God. Honey is the sweetness of God that can be found in the most outrageous of places. When we are faced with situations that would appear as though we would die, that is when the sweetness of God can truly be tasted. Psalm 119:103, "How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!" There is enough strength in honey to make a weak man strong. When the men would go out into battle and they were worn from exhaustion, if they could just get a little honey it would give them enough strength to continue on and win the battle.

It is often that God is the most intense during the darkest and most difficult times in our life. There is enough of God in every rock, on every path of life, to help you take another step. We are not to embrace the feelings of depression, but to find the honey that is offered there. Some love the darkness, but they are missing the best part of that darkness by rejecting the sweetness of God. That true sweetness is only found by those who are willing to listen to Him. He is the only One who can really give you life and a joy that surpasses all here on this earth.

Oswald Chambers, "When we are born again, the Holy Spirit begins to work His new creation in us, and there will come a time when there is nothing remaining of the old life. Our old gloomy outlook disappears, as does our old attitude toward things, and 'all things are of God' (2 Corinthians 5:18)... Once we truly see God at work, we will never be concerned again about the things that happen, because we are actually trusting in our Father in heaven, whom the world cannot see." Can you taste the Honey in the rock?

Walls

The older my son gets, the more I can see me in my relationship with my God. In this case, I am in the place of God in my relationship with my son, as God is to me in our relationship. I love my son no matter what, but when he disobeys me, he is the one building the walls between us. It is a matter of constant little disobedience that builds those walls one brick, one rebellious moment at a time.

Just the other night I had had my fill of those rebellious moments. I asked him to go and take a shower. Which in reply, he informed me that he just needed to wash his feet. This went back and forth several times, till I just said, "Go." When he came out he had only washed his feet! Then I very firmly told him, he better get in there and wash his whole body, now. When he got out he did another subtle little act of disobedience and the scolding was on. He thought it was my fault and I was being too hard on him. For this act was so small, but it was a combination of them all, all day long, that I was seeing. After we shared some tears, I explained to him that when he obeys me we have a good relationship. But, when he disobeys me, he is the one building the walls between us. It is his act of rebellion that places those feelings of rejection, anger, aloneness, all those negative feelings he thinks that I am responsible for, he is the true owner of those feelings. He is the one responsible for building that wall.

How we can become so concerned with our parts of obedience that we forget that God sees the whole picture, not just that act, in that moment. We think, "But, I am doing so good. Did you see that I sacrificed here? I gave my part in that... here." Jesus had just one thing to say about doing our little acts of obedience in one area, while neglecting the others. “What sorrow awaits you teachers of religious law and you Pharisees. Hypocrites! For you are careful to tithe even the tiniest income from your herb gardens, but you ignore the more important aspects of the law—justice, mercy, and faith. You should tithe, yes, but do not neglect the more important things..." (Matthew 23:23) The emphasis was on doing your part in all God is calling you to do, not just one area. He did not say that you could just pick one area and leave out something else. No, He said, "tithe, yes..." As we give back to God we do not get to choose just one thing and leave out the rest of the body. Tithe, then do whatever else He is telling you to do. It is not a choice between different things, but to do as much you can, as often as you are presented with the opportunity. Some may think, "but I do not work at the church building this scripture is for them, not me." Be careful. There is more. We cannot take just one thing that Jesus says and leave out another part. “But I warn you—unless your righteousness is better than the righteousness of the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees, you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven!" (Matthew 5:20). No, every bit is for everyone.

How many times do we have an opportunity to serve, or to love on someone, or to open our home up and have someone over, or to give that little extra bit of money in our pocket? How many times do we neglect the subtle nudges from God to obey? How many times have we disobeyed Him and in return built a small piece of wall between the two of us. How many times have we neglected to spend that precious moment with just Him, so that we will be better equipped to deal with the rest of this life that is facing us?

We are not called to be like our pastor, our teacher, our friend, or our neighbor. We are called be like Christ. He is our example and He is perfect. He always gave first. He always considered those special moments alone with God to be most valuable. He always gave everything He had. He never asked for anything in return, except for us to do as He does. Do we? Or are we slowly building a wall between us and Christ by what we do not do? It is not a matter of salvation. That was done by Christ alone, on the Cross. It is a matter of whether or not we are willing to obey or not. We cannot have that pure relationship with Christ that we desire if we are constantly building walls between us.

Remembering When

Remembering where I came from...
I always wanted to get married. I had a desire to make things right and I thought that if I were to get married, then all of my troubles would be solved. I was fifteen when I lost my virginity and it was then that I knew I needed help. I spent the next seven years trying to fit my desire to get married on to any and every guy that came my way. I did not care what kind of guy he was. Actually, most of the time I preferred the kind of guy that sort of scared me. I liked the thrill of the moment and for some reason, because he scared me, I felt safe in his arms. My seven years were spent trying to find a husband. So, at twenty-two I ran off to Los Vegas and got married to the guy that I had been dating for one year. Being married to him did not solve my problems at all. In fact, it multiplied them.

I was always running to the wrong thing to save me. I was always looking to a guy to fill that deep wound in my heart. I thought that being married would solve my problems. I think most girls feel this way. They may no longer have the desire to get married, for most are scared to death of marriage, because of all the marriages they see falling apart around them. But, most are looking to the wrong things to make them feel safe, secure, powerful, and wanted.

I stayed married to him for four years. During that time all hell had broken loose. I became addicted to drugs; pornography and the sex industry were running ramped all around me, until I myself became a stripper. My life was falling apart. I was dying. It was in the most horrible time of my life that I discovered how to call to God. It was during this time that I finally was able to let God take control of my life, for I could finally see how truly lost I was without Him.

"I will praise the Lord at all times. I will constantly speak His praises. I will boast only in the Lord; let all who are helpless take heart. Come, let us tell of the Lord’s greatness; let us exalt His name together. I prayed to the Lord, and He answered me. He freed me from all my fears. Those who look to Him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces. In my desperation I prayed, and the Lord listened; He saved me from all my troubles. For the angel of the Lord is a guard; He surrounds and defends all who fear Him. Taste and see that the Lord is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in Him!" (Psalm 34)

I often go back in my mind to who I was without Christ. I often share my most horrible sins with others. For in doing this, my memory is kept right with God. This keeps me on my knees thanking Him for saving me when I called to Him for help. I know who I am without Him. Without Him, I am a lier, a thief, an adulterous woman, a prostitute. Without Him, I am nothing and I know it.

"Come, my children, and listen to me, and I will teach you to fear the Lord. Does anyone want to live a life that is long and prosperous? Then keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies! Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it. The eyes of the Lord watch over those who do right; His ears are open to their cries for help. But the Lord turns His face against those who do evil; He will erase their memory from the earth. The Lord hears His people when they call to Him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed."

I used to believe that I had to have it all together before God would hear me cry. I used to think that I had to be perfect first, before He would save me. God is not looking for a perfect person. "Jesus said, 'It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.'" (Matthew 9:12) What He wants is a heart that will turn to Him. What He desires is for the sinner to realize who they really are without Him. What He wants is for us to know how far we can fall when we are not relying on Him. What He wants is to give us a new life. “It is important for you and me to know that God is not really giving us a more ethical way by which to live, but He is giving us a life that we could never manufacture on our own; by changing our hearts and changing our hungers.” (RZ)

I cannot take credit for the life that I live now. I cannot take credit for the great marriage that I now have. I cannot take credit for anything that I rejoice in, for I know where to give that credit. I tried to make my own life and it fell apart. He has given me a life now that I could have never dreamed up on my own. He has given me this life, because my heart and my desires are now for Him alone. Some may think that I am over the top. A crazy, insane person, because all I talk about is God. But I know how far I can fall without Him. Do you? Or do you give yourself credit for the life that you are living? If you do, be careful. One day you make wake up and the pride that you feel in yourself, may just slap you in your face. Don't wait till you are on the wrong side of life before you give your life to Him...

Shatter the Teeth of the Wicked!

Oswald Chambers, "I cannot save and sanctify myself; I cannot make atonement for sin; I cannot redeem the world; I cannot right what is wrong, purify what is impure, or make holy what is unholy. That is all the sovereign work of God..."

I do not have all of the answers. I cannot mend a broken heart. I cannot help the hopeless or save someone form destruction, but I can point them to the One that can. I have no answers for the unbeliever, for anything that I say is really hopeless without God. I can give them godly advise and leave it at that, but I cannot change their life. He must do that. You can cry to God when you feel wronged, and if you want something bad to happen to that person, you can tell Him that as well. That is one thing that I love about my God. He can take your anger. He can hear you when you are alone. He can comfort you when you feel abandoned. He can help you when you have anger and resentment against another person. You can call on Him and ask Him to take revenge on the wrong that someone has done to you. Give your troubles and cares to Him so that you become free.

Psalm 3,7, "Arise, O Lord! Rescue me, my God! Slap all my enemies in the face! Shatter the teeth of the wicked!... Arise, O LORD, in your anger; rise up against the rage of my enemies. Awake, my God; decree justice... He (the one that has hurt me) who is pregnant with evil and conceives trouble gives birth to disillusionment. He who digs a hole and scoops it out falls into the pit he has made. The trouble he causes recoils on himself; his violence comes down on his own head. I will give thanks to the LORD because of his righteousness and will sing praise to the name of the LORD Most High."

How thankful I am that I can cry out to God when someone wounds me. I can tell Him to bring catastrophe back upon them, and it is okay. It is okay for me to feel anger and for me to express that feeling to God. He can handle it. We just have to remember to give it to the only One who needs to deal with it, instead of letting that wound grab hold of our heart and letting it destroy us instead of them. Cry out to God. Ask Him to bring justice upon them. Give them to God. Then after you have made your case with God, after you have given your cries to Him, allow Him to heal you.

(OC), "If I construct my faith on my own experience, I produce the most unscriptural kind of life— an isolated life, with my eyes focused solely on my own holiness. Beware of that human holiness that is not based on the atonement of the Lord. It has no value for anything except a life of isolation— it is useless to God and a nuisance to man. Measure every kind of experience you have by our Lord Himself. We cannot do anything pleasing to God unless we deliberately build on the foundation of the atonement by the Cross of Christ."

After we have taken our case to Christ, we must let it go. For if we are constantly focused on the sins others have done to us, we miss the Cross given to us. We become a people always comparing our lives with other people, instead of comparing it with the only One who is perfect. Our standards become low. We start looking at others and thinking, "but I would never do that. I am not saying the same things that person is saying. I am not as bad as..." After we have taken our case of pain to God, we need to turn and focus our life on Christ. He is the only One who we need to compare our life to. In keeping our focus on Him, we can see who we really are without Him. In keeping our focus on the Cross, our own hearts will not become hard to others who sin against us. For really, compared to Him, we are all lost. Tell God your deepest wounds. Cry to Him and beg Him to take vengeance on them. Then release your hold on them and focus your life on the Cross.

In my Health

In my health, I have been reading Job. In a time of my life when things are going well for me, I have been reading Job. This has been good. Often in times of pain and torment, I have turned to this book to help me. This time I turn to it in my health. In reading it I can set myself out of the pain and look at the whole picture without the physical resentment of what is happening to me. In my health, I can see how truly shallow I am.

So often we think that our lives really affect God. We have a tendency to believe that He needs us. We think that we deserve good from Him, because we have been so good. Because we think this way, when catastrophe happens, we turn against God. We become like little children who think that they deserve a special treat for being good. We do things "for God", but in reality we are serving Him for what He will give us in return. We do this in our lives all of the time. Everything we do, we are looking for reward. And when that reward does not come, we become bitter and hurt, for we deserved better than what we got. All God ever desired from us is our heart. He desires our love. And in return, we work for Him, to get more from Him. Do we know how to love Him? Are we willing to worship Him?

Oswald Chambers, "Isn’t it humiliating to be told that we must come to Jesus! Think of the things about which we will not come to Jesus Christ. If you want to know how real you are, test yourself by these words— 'Come to Me...' In every dimension in which you are not real, you will argue or evade the issue altogether rather than come; you will go through sorrow rather than come; and you will do anything rather than come the last lap of the race of seemingly unspeakable foolishness and say, 'Just as I am, I come.' As long as you have even the least bit of spiritual disrespect, it will always reveal itself in the fact that you are expecting God to tell you to do something very big, and yet all He is telling you to do is to 'Come...'”

In my health, I am not consumed with self pity. In my health. I can see Him. So I am writing this, in my health, to remind me of who my God is and why I serve Him. I serve Him, because I love Him. I love Him, because He loved me first. I try my best not to sin. Not because I want a reward, but because He freed me from my slavery to sin. I worship Him, because He deserves to be worshiped. I respect Him because He deserves my respect. Not because of who I am, or what He has done for me, but because of who He is. I try to do my best, not to make Him love me more, but to not destroy His reputation that He has placed in my care. Why do I serve Him? Because, He is God and He deserves my worship!

(OC), "How often have you come to God with your requests and gone away thinking, 'I’ve really received what I wanted this time!' And yet you go away with nothing, while all the time God has stood with His hands outstretched not only to take you but also for you to take Him. Just think of the invincible, unconquerable, and untiring patience of Jesus, who lovingly says, 'Come to Me...'”