To My Sweet Daunsie

2 Kings 20:1-6, "In those days Hezekiah became ill and was at the point of death. The prophet Isaiah son of Amoz went to him and said, 'This is what the LORD says: Put your house in order, because you are going to die; you will not recover.' Hezekiah turned his face to the wall and prayed to the LORD, 'Remember, LORD, how I have walked before you faithfully and with wholehearted devotion and have done what is good in your eyes.' And Hezekiah wept bitterly. Before Isaiah had left the middle court, the word of the LORD came to him: 'Go back and tell Hezekiah, the ruler of my people, ‘This is what the LORD, the God of your father David, says: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will heal you. On the third day from now you will go up to the temple of the LORD. I will add fifteen years to your life.'"

To my sweet Daunsie,
I want you to know the good that you have done. I want to tell you how much I love you. As I sat by your bed this weekend, I just could not get out the words that were burning within my heart. Every time that I have ever been with you I have felt like a student at the feet of her teacher. You have loved me with a love of a mother, my entire life. You have gotten in my face, in my space, and been the bossiest woman I have ever known. You are demanding and you speak what is on your mind, no matter what. This I love. I love it because I know you love me. I have always known you love me, because you are so intense with me. I want to thank you for showing me how to love with such passion and enthusiasm.

I so wish that I could have come to more SOS's. I wanted to, so badly, but the 1000 miles between us kept getting in my way! Those young women were blessed more than you will ever know. I know this, for look how much you blessed me. You have done your job very well. You have taken the gifts that you were given and you stretched yourself enough to teach others. Not many women are willing to lay aside their own insecurities and their own wants, in order to step out and help those younger than they are. I think they believe the lies that Satan is feeding them; that they have nothing to share and no one to teach. You did not do this, and I cannot thank you enough.

As I knelt beside you this weekend, I couldn't help but want to draw closer, so I could hear you better. I will stand with you in prayer. Now is the time for those you have loved to stand with you and hold you up to God. Now is the time for us to be strong with you. We will stand by you and pray Hezekiah's prayer with you.

"Remember, LORD, how 'Daun' has walked before you faithfully and with wholehearted devotion and has done what is good in your eyes."

"Why did Abraham stop praying when he did? He stopped because he still was lacking the level of intimacy in his relationship with God, which would enable him boldly to continue on with the Lord in prayer until his desire was granted. Whenever we stop short of our true desire in prayer and say, “Well, I don’t know, maybe this is not God’s will,” then we still have another level to go. It shows that we are not as intimately acquainted with God as Jesus was, and as Jesus would have us to be—“ (Oswald Chambers)

When we start to think that anything is too big for God, we must remember that nothing is too big. We stand with you, Daun, in prayer to our God. We ask Him to heal you and to restore you, to your health. We ask Him to give you fifteen more years, so that you can continue to teach those younger than you. Stay strong, sweet woman. Fight against the illness and do what you have to, in order to allow your body to become healthier. Fight against the nausea and eat, even though you do not feel like eating. Drink even though you do not feel like drinking. You do your part and we will do ours. Be strong, my sweet friend, I LOVE YOU....

Chasing Rabbits

"'As they followed they were afraid' —Mark 10:32

At the beginning of our life with Jesus Christ, we were sure we knew all there was to know about following Him. It was a delight to forsake everything else and to throw ourselves before Him in a fearless statement of love. But now we are not quite so sure. Jesus is far ahead of us and is beginning to seem different and unfamiliar— 'Jesus was going before them; and they were amazed' (Mark 10:32).

There is an aspect of Jesus that chills even a disciple’s heart to its depth and makes his entire spiritual life gasp for air. This unusual Person with His face set 'like a flint' (Isaiah 50:7) is walking with great determination ahead of me, and He strikes terror right through me. He no longer seems to be my Counselor and Friend and has a point of view about which I know nothing. All I can do is stand and stare at Him in amazement. At first I was confident that I understood Him, but now I am not so sure. I begin to realize that there is a distance between Jesus and me and I can no longer be intimate with Him. I have no idea where He is going, and the goal has become strangely distant.

Jesus Christ had to understand fully every sin and sorrow that human beings could experience, and that is what makes Him seem unfamiliar. When we see this aspect of Him, we realize we really don’t know Him. We don’t recognize even one characteristic of His life, and we don’t know how to begin to follow Him. He is far ahead of us, a Leader who seems totally unfamiliar, and we have no friendship with Him.

The discipline of dismay is an essential lesson which a disciple must learn. The danger is that we tend to look back on our times of obedience and on our past sacrifices to God in an effort to keep our enthusiasm for Him strong (see Isaiah 1:10-11). But when the darkness of dismay comes, endure until it is over, because out of it will come the ability to follow Jesus truly, which brings inexpressibly wonderful joy." (Oswald Chambers)

This is where I am currently. Many times though this new journey with Christ, I have been very confident in where He was taking me. Then other times, like now, I can become very insecure. Just the other day I was in Ouray with my family and had to step away from them in order to have some quiet so that I could set the day in focus. (I must start my day with Christ, otherwise I can be a monster.) I separated myself and went and sat on a bridge overlooking the river. I sat there and begged God to show me. Show me where I am supposed to go and what I was supposed to do next. "Please God, help me. I do not want to be chasing rabbits down a rabbit hole and miss what I have right in front of me. I do not want to be spending all this energy and time on something that is just leading me astray from what is truly important. I do not want to be striving for something that is not going to do anything, but to draw my attention away from my family. Help me to keep focus. Do not let me loose relationship with them and with You while I travel this path. Help me keep the moment in front of me as my focus while I try my best to obey You in the everyday."

Stepping out in obedience can be some of the hardest and most insecure times in our life. I do not want to look like a fool. I do not want to miss what God really has for me. I do not want to chase rabbits down a rabbit hole. I do not want to disobey, while trying to obey. It can become very confusing.

Then God sends me Oswald and I can hear Him speaking to me.... "Wait. Be patient. Just keep today as your focus and do your best today. You are not here to conquer the world. You are here to enjoy and have peace in this moment. You are here to love those I have given you. Tomorrow will take care of tomorrow. Work when I tell you to work and rest when I tell you to rest. Nothing may happen in others eyes, but you will be able to see Me more clearly. Show your children, today, how much I love them. Show your husband, today, how much I love him. It is in the moment that you will find My peace and love. I will take care of the big picture. You take care of the moment, while you walk in obedience to Me, today."

Life vs Death

Deuteronomy 30:18-20, "This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life..."

"This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you..." God sets before you choices every day. What you choose will be held against you. What you choose is not covered up, or given to you as an excuse. It is held against you and you cannot hide from the truth that lays right in the choices you make. "I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life..." Every choice that we make, no matter how small we think it is, has either life or death written in it. Every choice that we make determines how the next course of our life will go. Every choice that we make has consequences that follow, good and bad. Will we be willing to work hard now? Will we be willing to set aside our own selfish ambitions today, for a life tomorrow?

As I look back upon my life, and really consider the choices that I have made, it is much easier to see the "life and the death" that was placed in front of me, and to notice the choices that I deliberately made. When Jason and I were dating, I had a choice placed in front of me. I could lay aside what I thought that I wanted, and choose life. Or, I could push against everything and choose to continue on the path that I was on, a path that I knew led to destruction. I had been struggling with my own desires and I wanted to hang on to what was familiar. I was uncertain about the life that he was offering to me. I did not know what the outcome would be and this uncertainty scared me. Would I choose to be uncomfortable for a time? Would I choose life, something that was unfamiliar to me. Or would I choose death, the path that I knew very well. Change is hard, but it is only hard because we choose to war within ourselves.

Oswald Chambers wrote, "Just because I have listened carefully and intently to one thing from God does not mean that I will listen to everything He says. I show God my lack of love and respect for Him by the insensitivity of my heart and mind toward what He says. If I love my friend, I will instinctively understand what he wants. And Jesus said, 'You are My friends...' (John 15:14)."

In this journey I have listened and followed God, not always by my choice, but because that seemed to be the only real choice that was offered. Other times I have definitely taken the wrong path and fought against what He was calling me to. I tried to convince myself that what I was doing was really not that big of a deal, since I had made the right choice before. But, just because I had made the right choice once, did not mean that I was off the hook the rest of the time. It is a daily decision. He is calling us to follow Him daily, moment by moment. Can we lay aside what we desire now, in order to see the bigger picture for our future? Christ has given us His everything. Can we see all that we will give up, if we choose to go against what He has chosen for us? What choice did we make last night that will affect us today? What are we Choosing today that will affect us tomorrow? We cannot blame anyone else for the consequences we have today, because of the choices we made yesterday. Is it really worth it?

Offended by God

Matthew 11:1-6, "John the Baptist, who was in prison, heard about all the things the Messiah was doing. So he sent his disciples to ask Jesus, 'Are you the Messiah we’ve been expecting, or should we keep looking for someone else?' Jesus told them, 'Go back to John and tell him what you have heard and seen— the blind see, the lame walk, the lepers are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised to life, and the Good News is being preached to the poor. And tell him, ‘God blesses those who are not offended by me.'"

It is amazing to me, how God talks to me about certain things, only when I am ready to hear. I am learning new every day. He is gentle and patient and He knows that if He told me everything right away, it would be too much for me. Part of my weekly study is to listen to Beth Moore on line. Recently she has been doing a study on John the Baptist. At first I thought, "Okay, a kind of history lesson. I know about John, but maybe I need to have a reminder." This is not what happened at all. When she got to this verse my heart became heavy, I realised that Jesus was talking to me, when He spoke to John. As Beth described it, John knew who Christ was. He had baptised Him, and he had seen the Holy Spirit land on His shoulders, and he had heard God speak and say this was His son. He knew and his joy was complete with this realisation.

John did not have doubts about who Jesus was. He knew who He was! John was now in prison. He was suffering and asking Jesus, "Are You going to rescue me? Why am I suffering right now? You can just say the word and I would be free." John was offended that Jesus was not rescuing him out of his circumstance. That is why Jesus added, "God blesses those who are not offended by me." He knew his heart and He knew what John was really asking.

God keeps my past close to my memory, for He refers to it often as He is speaking to me. About a year ago, I was suffering. Several years earlier, I had memorised the book of James, and I took this verse to Pastor Steve, "Are any of you sick? You should call for the elders of the church to come and pray over you, anointing you with oil in the name of the Lord. Such a prayer offered in faith will heal the sick, and the Lord will make you well." I was sick. I needed healing. I called on the church. We met together. I was anointed in oil. Our prayers were offered in faith, but I was not healed.

As I listened to Beth, as I studied these passages that week, I could hear God speaking, "You were offended by Me when you thought I was not healing you. You blamed Me for your disease. You see now that I needed you to learn more about who you were and who I Am, but you are still carrying that offence and you need to forgive Me."

Ouch! That one is hard. I was offended at God. He was supposed to heal me. We did our part, where was He? It was not right that I was having to ask Eric, my oldest son who was six, to help me button my shirt because I could not do it myself. It was not fair that I could not even do the dishes, because I was dropping all of them and breaking them. It was not fair that I was sleeping all of the time, because I did not even have enough energy to sit and read to my babies. It was not fair and He could heal me, but wouldn't! I was offended, but I didn't know it until He took my memory back and showed me.

I have learned so many lessons since that time. I have learned how to love myself and take better care of myself. I have learned how to rely more on God and how to have more self control. All things that I would have never learned had He healed me and given me what I wanted in a nice little package. I am thankful that He did not heal me right away, but He needed me to see that I was still carrying that offence. He spoke to me through Beth's lesson. He speaks to me through His word. He speaks to me through my memory of my past. He speaks to me through some of my hardest times. I know who He is and I had been offended, because of who He is. I needed to forgive Him. I needed to see that when it seems He is not answering my prayer the way I think it needs to be answered, He is trying to show me more. I have to remember that He is Love. He is all knowing and He knows what I need more than I do. He is not, just not answering my prayers. He knows I need to learn more. What is it that He is trying to help me see? If I will wait with Him, and not take offence, what is it that He is trying to teach me? Can I hear Him speak? Am I willing to listen?

Oswald Chambers, "Am I therefore justified in being dejected and in blaming God? Whenever we insist that God should give us an answer to prayer we are off track. The purpose of prayer is that we get ahold of God, not of the answer. It is impossible to be well physically and to be dejected, because dejection is a sign of sickness. This is also true spiritually. Dejection spiritually is wrong, and we are always to blame for it."

Teens and Sex

Proverbs 4:23, "Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life." (NLT)

How can you watch TV or listen to music, without thinking about sex? I cannot imagine what it would be like growing up in this society today, where you cannot even listen to music without thinking of the video that plays in your mind. Our kids are on the front lines of the battle and we as adults are standing on the sideline watching as our kids are fighting alone. Some people may have problems with me speaking to the kids about sex during our high school lunches. Some may think that I share too much and that I should not be telling the kids that I used to be a stripper, or the other realities of my past life. But I cannot help it, I have to put my own life on the line for these kids who are being bombarded every day with the illusions and lies of the world. Out of courtesy to the parents, I feel I need them to hear as well.

Sophia's Kitchen: We have spent this entire year focusing on sex as we have talked with the girls. It is a big issue and we only have a few minutes to talk with them. We started out with our heroes. Those women who have gone before, who were married like Christ intended, untouched. We shared with the girls the triumphal entry into a life without the major regrets of sexual sin. While they were young, these women stood against the desire to fit in with others around them and to guard their bodies. They have lived very cool lives! One of our heroes travelled throughout Europe and started her own business before she dated at all. She found her identity, before she committed to marriage. Another hero is a cool snowboarding beauty. As her now husband proposed to her she had to take off her purity ring to put on her engagement ring. As she did this, the realities of what she had been fighting for hit her and she handed him her purity ring with the most beautiful words, "This is for you!" We started with the heroes who fought the fight while they were young, but then we moved to the stories of redemption. I have told my story, but it has not been to glamorise my past, but to tell of the wonderful saviour who can bring purity to those who no longer feel pure. We needed to be able to speak to all of our girls and leave none out.

Hoodlum Lunch: I spoke to the boys about pornography and the addiction they are faced with every day. I did not plant any seeds in their minds that would make them fall, but I told the truth about what the media sells as a lie. It is important for them to hear how this makes a woman feel. You hear many wives speak about the heartache they find when their husband struggles with pornography. The heartache comes from God, for He made us for our husbands. When men struggle with looking at other women, it makes us feel like less of a woman. I had to open up to the boys in order for them to hear me. I was a woman that could not please my ex-husband because of his pornography. I have seen the destruction of it first hand. “Meaninglessness does not come from being weary of pain. It comes from being weary of pleasure.” (RZ) A masculine man will help others around him to be more pure. A macho man will think that his next sexual experience is a conquest, and that is what makes him great.

We seem to think that we cannot talk to our kids about the realities of sex. We think that if we do not talk about it, then it is not real. They are in a fight, and the fight is for their hearts. Many of them have porn on their phones. As they watch TV, even the commercials are filled with sex. The songs they listen to are no longer just songs, but as they listen the video is played in their minds. Our girls are being taught that they need to be the aggressor. Our boys are addicted to pornography before they even reach puberty. One of my college girls, I have many, was raped last year when she got drunk at a party and passed out. The boy who committed the dreadful act said in one of his college classes, "If a girl gets drunk and passes out, it is her own fault." No remorse. No hiding what he had done. This is what our boys are being taught. This is what our girls are being reduced to. We are in a fight for their hearts, for their lives. It is not a joke! It is not to be dismissed in the hopes that it will all go away. It is here and we are in a fight for our kid's lives.

Writing on the Wall, New Year Resolutions

Daniel 5:3-6, "So they brought in the gold goblets that had been taken from the temple of God in Jerusalem, and the king and his nobles, his wives and his concubines drank from them. As they drank the wine, they praised the gods of gold and silver, of bronze, iron, wood and stone. Suddenly the fingers of a human hand appeared and wrote on the plaster of the wall, near the lamp stand in the royal palace. The king watched the hand as it wrote. His face turned pale and he was so frightened that his legs became weak and his knees were knocking."

The writing on the walls of our lives, that is why we make New Year resolutions. We see something in ourselves and we become determined to change the coarse that we have been taking. We see the writing on the wall, but all too often we are not convinced and our hearts do not change.

Not too long ago, I went to the doctor and checked my blood to see how it was doing. It was not good. My blood cells were stressed, there was toxins and yeast, and nothing was moving as it should. I was convicted and found that my sin, my idol, was gluttony,(blog titled, "New Life/Freedom Living" 6-24-10). I knew the coarse that I needed to take in order to have good health. And so, for about six months I did really good. I was diligent and not even really tempted to give in. Then, I went to the doctor again and did another check with my blood. I could see the difference in my blood under the microscope. My blood looked wonderful. I had fat plump cells. No yeast or toxins were detected and everything looked very healthy. Then Christmas entertainment and holiday parties came. I did not heed the to the diet that I knew could make a difference. I ate and drank whatever was presented to me. One month later, after my last doctor visit, I went back to the doctor and had another blood test. I was back to square one, in just one month!

How many times does this happen to us? We know how to change our life. We know what it takes to be healthy. We understand that if we keep living as we desire, satisfying every want that our physical bodies want, that we are one day going to be caught with the writing on the wall. We will not be able to blame anyone else. We will not have another chance one day. One of these times is going to be our last chance at playing Russian roulette.

Oswald Chambers, "We seem to think that God wants us to give up things! God purified Abraham from this error, and the same process is at work in our lives. God never tells us to give up things just for the sake of giving them up, but He tells us to give them up for the sake of the only thing worth having, namely, life with Himself. It is a matter of loosening the bands that hold back our lives."

God has shown me the path to life. He has graciously given me time and now He is calling me to a path of life that will ultimately give me life. My hearts desire has to be for Him and the life that He is offering me. I can no longer hold on to the idols of my past. I cannot just eat whatever is placed in front of me. I cannot be a slave of things, but live free in the path that I have been shown. If I do not heed the warning that has been written on the wall, one day I may end up a prisoner trapped in a broken body. New Year resolutions are good, but it takes a true change of heart to stay with with them. All too often we stay the coarse for about 6 months. Then we start feeling safe and do not see the true need any more. Then all of a sudden we find ourselves right back where we started. If you have seen the writing on the wall, have you allowed that insight to change your heart, so that He can change your desires. The desire is life. The idol is a life trapped by what we worship. What has been your idol? What have you been worshipping? What has been the writing on your wall?

http://video-knowthecause.com/Home.aspx

What is your True Desire?

Something was brought to my attention the other day that I feel needs to be addressed. This is the question, "Is it okay for Christians to smoke marijuana?" This is a legitimate question. There are three local dispensaries right around us for medical marijuana. This is a question that many have for it seems that the government is now for marijuana, because they are selling it! So, I started searching. One of my favorite places for research is the blog, Evidence for God from Science. So much of my research on this topic comes from Richard Deem who is a brilliant scientist and professor. I am not going to go into the scientific research that he does. You can go to his blog and read all you want on the science of marijuana. In fact, I encourage you to do so. I am going to talk from my personal experience. So here we go...

When I think of smoking marijuana, or getting drunk, or taking other drugs that get in the way of my mind working as it should, I immediately think of my relationship with God and other people. Oh, yes those physical feelings that I experience in the moment of that high are alluring, but the consequences that come afterwards are what keeps coming to my mind. It is not really the detrimental consequences that I think of. It is the consequences of being able to have that relationship that I so desperately need from my God and others around me. "Jesus replied:‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your MIND.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.'" (Matthew 22:37). How are we loving our Lord, our God with all of our mind if we are blocking hearing Him with the things we place in us?

For me, in this time of my life, I no longer worry about the sexual consequences of sleeping with the wrong guy because I get drunk, or about any of the physical consequences that many war against when they are young. The consequences that keep my attention are the consequences that I see with my relationship with my God. My God is not just an opinion that I have. He is the center of my life and we have a very real relationship together. Why would I do something that would get in the way of this relationship? The only answer that I can come up with are these: I either do not really believe that I can have a true relationship with Him, or I do not really love Him as He has instructed me to love Him, or I am just too concerned about myself and what I want in that moment to really care about Him or about how I am affecting others around me. Basically, am I being selfish and just concerned about what I want in that moment. Not about the whole picture that God sees in every decision that I make in every moment.

“An opinion is a position you hold with a varied degree of intensity that merely voices your preference. A conviction is that which is rooted in your conscience. So that if you were to toy with your opinions you are going to be jossiling with your preferences. If you are going to toy with a conviction you are going to have to deal with your conscience before you altered it," (RZ, Convictions that conquered the world).

My God and what He expects from me is not just an opinion that I hold, but a conviction that has change my life forever. 2 Timothy 3:1-5, "People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, LOVERS OF PLEASURE RATHER THAN LOVERS OF GOD, having a form of godliness but denying its power." I cannot seek myself first, but Him and I know that when I allow myself to indulge in the physical pleasures of something that will alter my mind, then I know that my relationship with Him will be altered. I am not willing to give Him up. This is a conviction for me, not just an opinion. I have done my research. I have experienced this life with Him as my center. I know what I have and what I could loose.

I have found my freedom in Christ and through Him I choose to never be a slave to something that will control my life. I am a bond servant to my Lord. I am no longer a slave to drugs that call you every waking moment. I can now have fun without them. I know what gives me true life. I am not blind to what the world offers as life, but what it will destroy in the process. That moment of getting high may not affect you physically while you are doing it. You may not suffer one bit for that pleasure that you seek, but you will be affected and so will those that you do it with. It will get in the way of your relationship with Christ, and your ability to hear God clearly. Those that you do it with, will not be able to see God through you like you wish they could. You will not be able to love the Lord your God as He has called you to and you will not be able to love those around you like you think you can, if you are getting high. Are you really a Christian, a Christ follower?

"Then He [Jesus] said to them all: 'If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for Me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?' (Luke 9:23-25)" Who are you really following if you are a slave to your physical desires? Do you hold to an opinion or to a conviction? Do the research and find the truth.

Click on the title above "What is your True Desire" and it will take you to your first form of research on this matter. Then search more and learn the truth. At the bottom of this link there are two other "Related Pages, 'The Medical Benefits of smoking Marijuana', and 'Does the bible talk about Drugs.'" Find out what you stand on, Opinion or Conviction.