Changing DNA

The birth of Jesus is one of the main targets for the season. We celebrate His birth. We give gifts. The churches actually fill up and we see people who usually are never there suddenly walking in to give homage to Christ. This is a season of joy for most and a time to spend with others, but it is also a season of questions. One of those questions is something that Larry King had addressed to him on his TV show one night. The questioner asked him, "If you could interview one person across history who would it be and why?" Larry looked at him and without pause said, "Jesus Christ, and if He truly was virgin born. The answer to that would answer every question in life for me."

I have had this question brought to me in an awkward moment by an acupuncturist I once saw. As I was laying on the table receiving my treatment for my MS, she looked at me and said, "Do you really believe that Jesus was born from a virgin?" How do you really dive into such an enormous subject while you are pinned down? It is not just a question asked by those who do not believe, but it is a question that every believer must wrestle with as well. It is a question that actually weaves itself within all of scripture and it is an answer that deals within all of us as we travel with our faith in how we live out our life.

Lets start with the first obvious question, "Was Jesus truly virgin born?" The question is actually, "Was Jesus God?" John 1, "In the beginning the Word already existed. The Word was with God, and the Word was God. He existed in the beginning with God. God created everything through Him, and nothing was created except through Him. The Word gave life to everything that was created, and His life brought light to everyone. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it."

I do not have enough space to really go into everything, but lets assume that we all agree that there is an Intelligent Creator. And lets assume that we all agree that this Intelligent Creator is God and He is the one that Christ clammed to be. So if Jesus is really who He said He was, "God", then why would it be so outrageous to assume that the one who gave nature its laws and ordered the cells within to have intelligence, why is it so hard to grasp the virgin birth? Maybe it is not really the virgin birth at all, but another question all together. Maybe the true question is really all about "me". Maybe the true question is, "What does this say about who I am? And if it really is true, how would I ever be able to live up to the standards that I think the bible sets in front of me?"

Now this is where things get cool. There are some things that we do in which we really do not know why we do them. We all struggle with something that we wonder, "Why do I struggle with this when it seems my friends do not?" It seems to be in our DNA, how we are made up. Our struggles seem to be something that we are born with. Now we turn to the virgin birth. The virgin birth is a change in DNA and how it runs within its laws. If Christ was born because of the change of DNA, how much more awesome are His words, “I tell you the truth, unless you are born again, you cannot see the Kingdom of God.”... “I assure you, no one can enter the Kingdom of God without being born of water and the Spirit. Humans can reproduce only human life, but the Holy Spirit gives birth to spiritual life. So don’t be surprised when I say, ‘You must be born again.’"

"Christ did not come into this world to make bad people good. He came to so that the dead could live," (RZ). He came to give us a new life. A life that we could never manufacture on our own. He came so that He could change our DNA. If we learn to change our focus, He changes our hearts. He changes our desires, by changing what our DNA says we must do and what we assume we have no control over. It is all a supernatural transformation that only the Christian faith provides. All other religions say that we must pull ourselves up, all by our self. It is only in Christ that we are given a supernatural transformation and our lives are drastically changed.

“Richard Dawkins has gone the root of saying, 'there is no such thing as good or evil. It is ultimately all of us dancing to our DNA.' … Its all in our DNA. Its all in our DNA..." When we hear statements like this, we have hope. "You must be born again." Our challenge is in allowing Christ to change our DNA. If we truly turn to Him and start changing our focus, we start to love Him. And when we start to love Him, we start to obey Him. It is not about living out this life so that we no longer have any fun and we become rule keepers. It is all about learning to live free from the prison of our DNA.

“It is a trap to presume that God wants to make us perfect specimens of what He can do— God’s purpose is to make us one with Himself. The emphasis of holiness movements tends to be that God is producing specimens of holiness to put in His museum. If you accept this concept of personal holiness, your life’s determined purpose will not be for God, but for what you call the evidence of God in your life...” (Oswald Chambers)

Allow Him to change your DNA, by changing your life focus. We do this by following His words, "You must be born again."

Mary and Martha

Luke 10:38-42, "As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

I once heard Beth Moore teach a lesson on this passage. What I remember has always stood out to me so I will now try and expand. In this passage we will only be looking at Mary, we will look at Martha in another verse.
Jesus stayed with a woman named Martha, and her sister called Mary. Here one sister is named and the other sister is called. If Mary was "called" maybe her real name was something else. What does the name Mary root from and why would she be called Mary?

Mary stems from the name Miriam or Mara. These names in the bible represent rebellion, disobedience, or bitterness. Example, Ruth 1:20, “But she said to them: Call me not Noemi, (that is, beautiful,) but call me Mara, (that is, bitter,)”

What if Mary had been rebellious, disobedient, or filled with bitterness. What if she just needed to sit with Jesus because she was so broken that she could not help her sister right now. Maybe there was nothing wrong with Martha's heart and what she was doing. Maybe she was right where she needed to be because her heart was not broken. Mary may have had a broken heart and the ones with the broken hearts need to kneel at the feet of God until they find their healing with their Savior.

Another passage, John 11:17-37. In this passage Lazarus, Martha and Mary's brother, had been dead for 4 days. "When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home. 'Lord,' Martha said to Jesus, 'if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.'” After a conversation with Jesus she answered Him, “Yes, Lord, I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, who is to come into the world.”

With these passages I see Martha as the one who is strong in faith and who has a strong heart. She is the one who is not broken, but meets Jesus in her pain of loss and says, "But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask." She had a "but" in her meeting with Jesus, one that Mary did not have. When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went to Him. Mary stayed at home until she heard that He was specifically asking for her. When Martha arrived, she had a "but" in her plea of pain. "I am hurting Lord, but I know even now God will give You whatever you ask for. You are the Messiah. You are God."

I absolutely love the twists and turns that the bible can take. So often we hear of the story of Martha as a woman with her priorities out of line with what was really important, but maybe she was a woman strong with her faith. Maybe she was a woman who knew who Jesus was and had a wonderful relationship with Him. Maybe it is like when your good friend comes over and you are always with them, you often do not stop everything and sit and visit. You still wash the dishes while you visit. But if someone comes over who you do not see often, you stop what you are doing and sit and give them your undivided attention. What if Mary was rebellion, disobedience, and bitterness. What if she was a woman who had a sordid past. Maybe that is why Jesus did not make her get up. Maybe that is why He said that He would not take this time away from her. For when you are hurt, you cannot get up and work. Sometimes you just need to sit and soak. You need to be able to sit at your Saviors feet and just allow Him to speak into your broken heart. Maybe where Martha went wrong is that she was not looking at where Mary had come from. Maybe she was only seeing where her relationship with Jesus was. For later we see that she was the one who was strong in faith and knew the strength of her Lord.

Whenever I now hear the story of Mary and Martha, I immediately go back to my own time of being the woman called Mara, the woman of rebellion, disobedience, and bitterness. I hear this and see a woman broken and needing to sit at her Savior's feet and just soak. But I do not want to remain that woman. I want to be in a strong relationship with my Lord so that now I can be the one to go and do as He has done for me. John 13:14, “And since I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash each others feet.” I am loving my time as Martha. But when my time of being called Mary comes again, as often it does in this world, I pray I can give myself enough grace to be able to sit again at His feet and soak. Our needs will differ on our journey. Our time of pain and suffering comes. Can we see when it is time to sit? Can we allow others their time? When it is time to get up, because now we are strong, can we wash others as Christ has washed us? Who are you? What is your name? Is it your name, or are you called mara? Can you find peace in the place where God has you right now? When pain comes again for me am I going to be able to greet Him in my pain with an all important "but".

Go and Sin No More

John 8:4-11, “'Teacher,' they said to Jesus, 'this woman was caught in the act of adultery. The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?'
They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, 'All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone! Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust.
When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman,'Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?'
'No, Lord,' she said.
And Jesus said, 'Neither do I. Go and sin no more.'”

There are so many lessons/questions that come from this short passage, but I will only focus on one. "Go and sin no more." Jesus did not condemn the woman. He did not throw any stones, nor did he prevent others from throwing any stones themselves. He diverted their attention away from her, toward themselves, but He did not say they couldn't kill her. After the crowds attention was taken off of her and it was only her with Jesus, He looked at her and said, "'Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?'
'No, Lord,' she said. And Jesus said, 'Neither do I. Go and sin no more.'”

If we have a God who is just, a God who hates sin, a God who is fair, shouldn't there be a price for sin? In every religion of the world (and yes, atheism is a religion too), in every religion there is some kind of penance. You have to do something in order to earn your pardon. In every religion of the world your pardon is based upon your works. In every religion except Christianity that is. Our pardon is based fully upon the Cross. It is through the Cross of Christ that our debt was paid. Every bit of God's judgement against humanity was felt upon the Cross. Our Lord, because He is a God of love, came down and felt the full effect of our sin on the Cross and now because of the Cross, "Because I live, you also will live." (John 14:19)

This woman did not have to pay her debt by stoning, because Jesus stood in her place and defended her. He did not condone what she had done. He finished His conversation with her by saying, "Go and sin no more." He did not say, "Go and continue on in how you are living." He said, "Go and sin no more." Why?

There are so many reasons to the, why?: (14:23), “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and We will come to them and make Our home with them. Anyone who does not love Me will not obey My teaching. These words you hear are not My own; they belong to the Father who sent Me." This is one reason, it shows that you love your Lord. But all too often people need something in the physical. This is the physical, so much pain comes in this life because of sin. "Go and sin no more." He has already paid the price, so why not? One reason, other people judge us. When something bad happens because of our sin, too many times, people are standing there with stones in hand saying, "well they are getting what they deserve. Its karma. They dug their grave, now they can dig themselves out."

It is only the passion of the Cross of Christ where we find our freedom. It is only in seeing the full effects of our sin being nailed upon that Cross that we can "go and sin no more." It is through the Cross where we can find the strength to allow Christ to change who we are and to start living a truly different life. Sin is the breaking of His Moral Law and with that law there are consequences here in this life that we must pay for our sin. The woman felt the sting of her sin when she was dragged out in front of everyone and made to feel the lesser. When we sin, we feel the consequences, but the Cross allows us to see the end, and the end is life. This is why Jesus answered her with, "Go and sin no more." He does not want us to continually feel the sting. He wants our life to change so that we can find the freedom of living. We cannot earn our forgiveness. Consequences are just an effect. An effect He does not want us to suffer. That is why He says, "Go and sin no more." Stop causing yourself pain. I paid the price, now learn how to live free.

Cause and Effect, God's Moral Law in action

There are so many ways in which we get hurt. All to often, we are the cause of that hurt, a self inflicted hurt, a hurt within. God has placed within all of us a Moral Law. When we are young that law is often seen through the teachings of our parents. We seem to think that it is not a law of love, but someone else rules that keep us bound and restricted. So when we venture out on our own we try to prove those rules wrong. We think we can make our own rules and live free. But what we do not realize is that the Moral Law is like gravity, and we are not trying to just prove our parents wrong, but we are trying to defeat the laws of gravity. We are changing our clothes, putting on a cape and climbing to the top of a large building, looking out upon the world and believing that we can fly. We stretch out our arms and jump. What we discover is that really we proved gravity right and only broke ourselves in the process. This is the Moral Law we see before us. There are certain rules within life and when we venture outside those rules we are broken in the process. All too often we also break others during our fall. For really, we do not just hurt ourselves, but others feel our effects as well

I see this over and over. I have done this myself. Our society has been training us to believe that all truth is relative and that what happened to that person has nothing to do with us. So we venture out and try to fly, each one of us, but all that we are really doing is proving that Truth and breaking ourselves. But we do not stop there. We discover "that" pain, which inevitably has to come after a fall. We feel the pain. The problem is that we do not see the source of the pain, but only feels its effect. We continue to believe that we can still dance in the dark without a great fall.

One example in my own life was sexual sin. I was molested as a child, then date raped as a teen. Those people responsible for my hurt were themselves discovering God's Moral Law. They were breaking that law that was meant to protect the innocent. Throughout my life I kept thinking that I could stop the pain by turning to my boyfriend and letting him rescue me. I kept thinking that, "this time it will be different. This time I will not get hurt, but will fill that void within me." Every time I proved that Moral Law while I was breaking myself in the process. We do this. We turn to the one delivering the painful blows in order to find comfort.

Stalin, he was a man known for his torture and murder of millions of people. What is little known about him is this story: One day someone asked him, "How do you expect your people to follow you if you are hurting them all of the time."
Stalin looked at the man and said, "Bring me a chicken." He took the chicken and proceeded to pull out each feather until the chicken was completely nude. The agony inflicted was horrific, but after the chicken had no more feathers to pluck, he put it on the ground walked away and grabbed some food in his hands. He bent down and called for the chicken. The chicken, shivering and stumbling, went over to him and began eating. After it finished the little grain Stalin had in his hands, the chicken cold and hurting snuggled up next to Stalin for warmth and comfort. Stalin looked up at his questioner and said, "People are like this chicken. You inflict them with enough pain they will follow you for the rest of their life."

We are like that chicken. We set out to disprove God's Moral Law, we get stripped and tortured, but instead of running to God and away from that which is causing the pain, we keep turning to the source of that pain for comfort. The alcoholic keeps turning to alcohol. They know that they should not have been drunk, but they do not realize that it was the alcohol that brought them the pain. They think they can control it. The woman who feels the sting and emptiness of sex before marriage, she does not stop having sex. She somehow thinks that she should have just done it a little different and this time she can defeat the laws of nature. The man who is fired from his job because of time spent looking at pornography on his computer, still turns to porn today. Over and over, we all do it. We feel the effects of the pain, but we do not dive down deep enough to really see the cause. We still see Jesus as a rule maker who is only trying to keep us bound and controlled.

Luke 13:34, “O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones God’s messengers! How often I have wanted to gather your children together as a hen protects her chicks beneath her wings, but you wouldn’t let me. And now, look, your house is abandoned. And you will never see me again until you say, ‘Blessings on the one who comes in the name of the Lord!’”

Oh how He wants to protect us, not to control us. May we pray this prayer, “Our Mother Hen, who art brooding over us, hallowed be thy sheltering wings … Forgive our unwillingness to come into your embrace.”


Jesus-- Leaning near, listening, watching, thinking about me; covering, protecting, providing for and guiding me, even when I am reluctant to accept these forms of love, unable to believe a Love like this is wrapped all around me, all the time. May we stop running to our assailant and turn instead to the One who wants us to learn to fly under His sheltering wing. He wants us to learn to sing and dance. He wants us to learn the true joy in living free with Him...

Can Man Live Without God

The other day I was walking out of Barnes and Noble book store with excitement in my heart while my hands were holding my new book. My sweet friend, whom I admire very much and I look to her for guidance often, asked me, "What did you get?" I took my precious new book out of the little white bag they had just placed my new treasure in and she read the title out loud, "Can Man Live Without God". With love in her eyes she proceeded to tell me a story and it goes something like this:

There were these two friends that were on the US diving team competing against one another, but practicing together. During their training time, they become very close friends with very different beliefs. One was an atheist and the other a Christian. Their time of training was drawing to a close for the trials were going to start soon. The Christian was not feeling very well one day and decided that it was time to take a break from practice, just this once. As his friend was headed out of the door he stopped him and said, "You know you should just give praying a chance. You never know how this can change your life." As the atheist was entering the training facility, he noticed that the lights were off. Very unusual, but he thought it may be nice for the facility had sky lights that would show nicely on the pool. As he began his climb to the top of the highest diving board, his friend's words were resounding in his mind, "pray". He stopped at the end of the board and decided that instead of immediately turning around, he would for once bend over and try out this praying thing. As he did, he noticed that the pool did not look right. It was empty!

She drew her story to a close with these words, "Had he not stopped to pray he would have dived into an empty pool." With that my friend nodded her head, turned and started to walk toward her car. The conversation was over, but my questions remained unanswered. And with that, I held on tighter to my new book, for I knew I would find some answers here.

In the very first chapter Ravi Zacharias addresses this kind of answer we as Christians give to very deep and complex questions. Have you ever been asked a very deep question like, "Can man live with out God?" I have. What do I say? Do I give them a swimming pool answer that is, in Ravi's words, "quite frankly, superficial and simple." I need real answers to real questions, and this is where my new found book has given me more strength.

There are three levels of philosophy- logic, the arts, and table talk. We need to be able to "Argue at level one, illustrate at level two, and apply at level three. The reasoning process provides the foundation, the arts the infrastructure and illustration, and the kitchen table the superstructure and application."

Learning how to communicate within our culture is a must. There is no way I can give you the information that you need within this very short blog, but if you want to be able to give real answers instead of swimming pool solutions, please get it. I will end with one paragraph within the book. Within this one statement are many deep questions, but within the book you find the answers:

"The issue, then, is not whether the belief system you espouse-- monotheistic, atheistic, pantheistic, or otherwise-- is exclusive. The issue is whether the answers to the four basic questions of life pertaining to origin, meaning, morality, and destiny within the context of each of these worldviews meet the tests of truth. Are they logically consistent, are they empirically adequate, and are they experientially relevant? Do they meet the test of unaffirmability and undeniability? The answers to life's four questions must in each instance correspond to reality, and the sum of the answers must cohere as a system."

I want to have meaningful conversations with others around me. 1 Peter 3:15-17, "And if someone asks about your Christian hope, always be ready to explain it. But do this in a gentle and respectful way. Keep your conscience clear. Then if people speak against you, they will be ashamed when they see what a good life you live because you belong to Christ. Remember, it is better to suffer for doing good, if that is what God wants, than to suffer for doing wrong!" I do not want to suffer because I was not able to give a defense for the hope I have in Christ. I highly recommend this book!
Can Man Live Without God by Ravi Zacharias

A Moment in Time

Have you ever wondered how your attitude affects how others see you? We have a tendency to "play off" who we really are. We make excuses for how we act. We think, "That is not who I am. Yes, I did that, but I was under a lot of stress that day." The problem is not that we have one bad day, a moment in time where we lost it. The truth of the problem surfaces when we can take a good look at our life and see that "it" occurs everyday and "it" really is not a moment type situation, but a life of having the wrong attitude. A moment in time, every day, when we follow the pounding of our heart. A moment in time, every day, where if we could see what others are seeing, we would be appalled.

I looked up attitude in the index of my bible and I was kind of surprised to read what it referenced. I was expecting to see things like complaining, happy... you know those emotional type descriptions. While those were there, those descriptions were few. What it referenced most were topics dealing with how we act. What do we do? What are our hearts desires? Do we practice what we preach? Do your actions reflect the things of the world or of Christ?

This got me thinking. How do others really see me? Most importantly, how does my family see me? I may be able to put on an act in public, but no one can put on an act all of the time. This is how I must evaluate my attitude, my hearts desires. I must look at my action through my families eyes. How do I talk to my husband? How do I talk/treat my children? I think this is where many "pastors" loose their children. They speak one thing, but in their homes, they forget to practice what they preach.

1 Corinthians 10:33, "I, too, try to please everyone in everything I do. I don’t just do what is best for me; I do what is best for others so that many may be saved." This is not talking about being a "people pleaser". This is about holding to your beliefs, what you say you believe, so that when others see you they can see you walking with Christ and living a truly changed life. We do not go on vacation and forget what is truly important. You've heard the saying, "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." I've got news for you. It does not. You cannot just leave your life, change your surroundings for a moment, and change who you are. If you can do that, maybe who you really are is that person you become when you think no one can see you. That is the hardest part of me that I have ever had to deal with. Who is the real me? And can I change the real me and still be real?

Matthew 15:8-9, "These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship is a farce, for they teach man-made ideas as commands from God." The real me is a follower of Christ. I worship Him in my daily living. I worship Him when I am on vacation. I cannot just put aside my true beliefs in a moment of passion. I must evaluate who I am on a daily basis. I am not perfect, but I strive to be like Christ. In order to live a changed life, am I following through with what I know is right?

How do others see me? When others see you, do they see you continually fighting? Do you think you are just having a bad day, or is it really who you are because everyday seems to find you in the same mood? If we are living continually in chaos, maybe it really is not our surroundings, or someone else. Maybe it is us. For wherever we go, there we are. It is not about who I used to be. I cannot buy that lie. It is Who He is. It is about changing who I used to be, to who I am in Him. Being born again, being saved, is a moment in time. Becoming like Christ is a life long process.

Shame No More

How do you make those things that are hidden in your heart no longer places of shame. Some of those places were not your fault at all. Someone else did something to you and for some reason, shame took over. Sometimes we are the cause of those dark corners that we turn to, because we believe that if we ever revealed that place, everyone would know who we really are. It is that place in our own heart that scares us the most and it is that place that keeps us bound to the shame that holds us back.

For those who live in shames dark shadow it is often a place of sorrow. A place hidden within us because of something someone else did to us! But, somehow we take what should be their shame and place that upon our own hearts. From that time on, we live in fear and cower to the shame that we place on our own hearts. It is a tool the enemy uses well, for he knows that it was not our fault and yet we take the burden of that guilt and let it create a place within us that keeps us trapped in the darkness of a house without windows. A dark place that we somehow believe will protect us. A dark place where nothing green will ever grow. This is my prayer for you, as it was for me. For I did not know how to walk into any room with my head held high. My darkness of shame was overwhelming. This is for you who have been defiled by someone else...

"O Lord, I give my life to you. I trust in you, my God! Turn to me and have mercy, for I am alone and in deep distress. My problems go from bad to worse. Oh, save me from them all! Feel my pain and see my trouble. See how many enemies I have and how viciously they hate me! Protect me! Rescue my life from them! Do not let me be disgraced, for in you I take refuge. Do not let me be disgraced, or let my enemies rejoice in my defeat. No one who trusts in you will ever be disgraced, but disgrace comes to those who try to deceive others. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you." (Psalm 25)

Then for those dark places within our own hearts that hold us captive, these places were brought on our-self. These places we hope no one ever knows, because these places were our choice. I cannot even begin to grasp the destructiveness of my own choices and what those choices did to myself and to others that I came in contact with. Many of these choices were things that I did because of the wounds that someone else gave me, but at some point I have to step up and take responsibility for my own life. I cannot live in the dark shadow that being a victim brings. At some point I have to look at what I choose to do. This part of the prayer covers those dark places...

"Remember, O Lord, your compassion and unfailing love, which you have shown from long ages past. Do not remember the rebellious sins of my youth. Remember me in the light of your unfailing love, for you are merciful, O Lord. The Lord is good and does what is right; he shows the proper path to those who go astray. He leads the humble in doing right, teaching them his way. For the honor of your name, O Lord, forgive my many, many sins..." (Psalm 25)

God gives us a time of healing. A time to just sit with Him, so that we can see those dark places through His eyes. If we never allow others to see into our heart, those dark places can become a home with boarded up windows. A home that will eventually become our grave. If we are continually placing boards over the windows of our home, eventually no light shines and we cannot navigate freely. We become blind in our own home. Eventually there will be no life there at all. But, if we will truly allow God to shine His light on those places we want to keep hidden, eventually we will learn to live in a glass house. A house where there are not even any curtains on the windows. A house that allows ourselves, and others, to see in freely. A house that is surrounded by greenery. This is the house that I now choose to live in. It is a wonderful house where all are safe. A house where the light lives.

"O Lord, I give my life to you. I trust in you, my God! Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you. Remember, O Lord, your compassion and unfailing love, which you have shown from long ages past. The Lord is good and does what is right; he shows the proper path to those who go astray. He leads the humble in doing right, teaching them his way. The Lord leads with unfailing love and faithfulness all who keep his covenant and obey his demands. The Lord is a friend to those who fear him. He teaches them his covenant. My eyes are always on the Lord, for he rescues me from the traps of my enemies. May integrity and honesty protect me, for I put my hope in you." (Psalm 25)

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Worth

Deepak Chopra, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, “On the material level, both you and a tree are made up of the same recycled elements. Mostly carbon, hydrogen, oxygen, nitrogen and other elements in minute amounts. You could buy these elements in a hardware store for a couple of dollars. The real difference between the two of you is between the energy and the information. Your body is not separated from the body of the universe. Because of the quantum mechanical levels, there are no well defined edges. You are like a wiggle, a wave, a fluctuation, a convolution, a whirlpool, a localized disturbance in the larger quantum field.”

So many people follow the Hindu, Buddhist, and New Age religions. In these religions, where is your worth? Where is your value? Chopra states very openly, "both you and a tree are made up of the same recycled elements... You are like a wiggle, a wave, a fluctuation, a convolution, a whirlpool, a localized disturbance..." Basically, you are nothing trying to reach nothingness. So this means that a no body made this statement. Everyone and everything is worthless.

In the teachings of the Christian religions the value and worth put upon you is priceless. You are more valuable than anything else. You, your body is worth more than anything else. 1 Corinthians 6:19, "Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself..” The emphasis is not put on your redemptive acts. Your goal is not to become a god. Your goal is not to die and have a thousand virgins at your disposal. You are the place that God chooses to make His temple. The creator of the universe chooses to make your body His dwelling place. And this is why it is such a tragedy when you choose to desecrate your body. Your body, YOU are the Temple.

So many people, I, have a tendency to see "sin". When we go into a church building, we hear about sin and how we are not living "up to" God's standards. But really this is not it. Everything in the Christian faith points to how valuable you are and when you "sin" you are using His temple as a market place instead of a place of worship. That is what it is all about.

What are you worth? How do you treat others? Do you treat them as the temple? Do you allow others to mistreat and abuse your temple?

I did not understand any of this until I started searching. I started reading the bible, begging God to reveal Himself to me. I read Psalms, then Proverbs, then the New Testament, then started the Old Testament. Everyday I begged God to allow me to hear Him. Everyday I just read words on a page with no meaning, no understanding... Nothing for a whole year. Then I read 1 Kings 6. Everything was so precise. This wall 7 1/2 feet long. That room 10 feet wide, with this in it, with that in it. Meticulous! Over and over... boring, boring. Until, it hit me! Why was this so important to know? Why was this still needed? So we can see how meticulously we are made. So we can see how valuable we are as the Living Temple.

John 2, "Then, going over to the people who sold doves, He (Jesus) told them, 'Get these things out of here. Stop turning my Father’s house into a marketplace!' Then His disciples remembered this prophecy from the Scriptures: 'Passion for God’s house will consume Me.'”

Why is it so important to take care of your body? Why is it so important to take care of others? We are God's house and His passion for us consumes Him! We are worth that much. We are that valuable. Jesus did not come into this world to make bad people good. He came so that the dead would live. Are we walking around treating ourselves with worth? Or are we walking around filling our house with death? We are not a wiggle, a wave, or a localized disturbance. We are the Temple of the Most High God. The questions are: Do we treat ourselves as being worth that much? Do we treat others the same?

Disappearing Self-Awareness

Oswald Chambers, "Never allow anything to remain in your life that is causing the unrest. Think of every detail of your life that is causing the disintegration as something to fight against, not as something you should allow to remain. Ask the Lord to put awareness of Himself in you, and your self-awareness will disappear. Then He will be your all in all... If we try to overcome our self-awareness through any of our own commonsense methods, we will only serve to strengthen our self-awareness tremendously. Jesus says, “Come to Me . . . and I will give you rest,” that is, Christ-awareness will take the place of self-awareness. Wherever Jesus comes He establishes rest— the rest of the completion of activity in our lives that is never aware of itself."

I am part of a group of people who are starting a college outreach program. We will start in just a couple of days and I am one of the speakers. I want to do this. I like to speak about the changing power of Christ. I do not want to tell my story.... again. We had a practice time the other night and I had something prepared. Well actually, it was plagiarized from one of the talks given on Ravi Zacharias' web site. In this "run through" with my friends, what I had planned was shot down. My attempt was vetoed and my instructions were clear. "You are not authentic with this," they said. "You need to tell your story. They need to hear about your life."

I don't want to tell my story any more. Do you hear, I hate to look like a fool. I hate to admit my stupidity. I want to speak of the joy. The joy that I have is in my new life. The joy that I possess is in the now. But here I go again, telling of my sin. Anyway, I consented and accepted their advise. I had been feeling okay about all of it, until yesterday.

Through our business, I am part of three, who are the landlords of several rentals around town. Yesterday, I went around to several of my houses talking to our tenants. When I went to a house that had college students, I handed them one of our flyers and invited them to come to LIVE@WEBSTERHALL. After doing this, I felt sick. I literally felt like I was going to throw up. My focus was on myself and all that I could see was "fool". Self-awareness really set in and every bit of my focus was distorted. Through my insecurities and fear, all I could see was me. When this happens, which is often, I want to hide so that I do not have to look anyone in the eyes. All day yesterday, I was living in self-awareness. Last night I went to bed with me on my mind.

Bless God, Everyday is new. Today is a new day. Before I started reading this morning, I prayed to God that He would help me see. I prayed that He would give me the strength so that I could do this thing, for all I could see was me and I was beginning to drown. I opened my bible to the pages marked for today and my spirit was strengthened.

2 Samuel 6, "...But as the Ark of the Lord entered the City of David, Michal, the daughter of Saul, looked down from her window. When she saw King David leaping and dancing before the Lord, she was filled with contempt for him... David retorted to Michal, 'I was dancing before the Lord, who chose me above your father and all his family! He appointed me as the leader of Israel, the people of the Lord, so I celebrate before the Lord. Yes, and I am willing to look even more foolish than this, even to be humiliated in my own eyes! But those servant girls you mentioned will indeed think I am distinguished!'"

Oh, how I love the story of David. He made so many mistakes, but his heart was for his Lord. He was willing to look like a fool, for in his life he was dancing before his Lord. This morning I am strengthened. I can take my focus off of myself and dance before my God, through the story of His amazing grace that is told though my life experiences. Others may see me and have contempt for me, but that is okay. I know my call. I have been called to speak of His mercy, grace and redeeming power. How can others grasp this if I don't speak openly about my failures? I don't have to live in fear, for He is my guide. My story is once again going to be told to a new crowed. Others who are there, who have already heard my story, may look at me with contempt, but His story must be heard. I do not have the publishing rights on this story, He does. He can do with it what He wants. Through my story, His story is revealed. His love. His grace. His redemption. My story is the story of the Cross of Christ. All of our stories ultimately tell of His story, if we can take our focus and turn it to Him. Let the story begin.

Jesus Among Other Gods

As I sit here this morning, I am in awe of my God. I am also scared to death about the new undertaking that we are watching develop. I am a house wife. I am a mom. I work for my husbands business. I am a cleaner of other peoples homes. I am a property maintenance coordinator. My plate is full and we are starting What! LIVE@WEBSTERHALL

The other day one of my college girls needed a ride to work. (I call them "my girls" for they are. They were just a little older than I originally planned.) I got her text about 6:15am and I was out the door and dropping her off by 6:30. Then I drove to Western and parked at one of the dorms that overlooked the practice field and student center. I sat there reading my book that a friend of mine gave me by, who else other than Ravi Zacharias, "Jesus Among Other Gods". As I read my beloved new book and looked out at the town, tears started to stream down my face. "What in the world am I doing? I feel so inadequate and unprepared." Then I took another look at the book I was holding in my hands, "Jesus Among Other Gods". What a more relevant book to be given at just the right time!

I am a woman of faith, but unlike some of my friends, faith has never come easy for me. There are two examples that Ravi (we are on a first name basis) speaks of in his book. I am like Moses. Not that I am even close to him, but he did keep asking for God to prove Himself. He needed that proof. Trust was not easy for him. "Repeatedly and protractedly, God pursued Moses until Moses understood that the God he served expected his trust and that He would prove Himself, both before and after the trust had been followed through. God gave him just enough, along his journey, to demonstrate who He was but saved the climatic proof for the end of Moses' journey of faith,"(pg 58). He saw the burning bush. He heard the voice of God. Then asked, "Are You sure? Maybe You don't really mean me. Right?"

Several of my friends are more like Abraham. They just have that faith. I cannot explain it. He says go and they do not stop until they hear Him scream! "Abraham is shown to us as one who so hungered after God that he was willing, with minimal outward proof, to leave his home and to build for posterity a community of faith in the living God. But even in his case, every step in is faith-building process was met with the affirmation of God," (pg 58).

My faith has always been a faith built upon questions. "Are you sure? Are You really the One? Who are You? Do you really exist? Who am I?" "God deals with both kinds of us, those of us who long for more evidence and those of us for whom a little evidence will do," (Again pg 58, so much in just one page). Together, we are stepping out in faith. It is not a blind faith. It is not a faith that is built on our own self-assurance. It is a faith that is built upon a God who has proven Himself to us, and through us.

"Only one who has known the bondage and enslavement of sin and the emptiness it brings can fully fathom the liberation of the cross and the glory of the resurrection- to hear His voice again. No wonder the world of Christian thought is so adorned with a wealth of music," (pg 187). I am inviting you to come and sing His praises with us every Tuesday night at 8pm for LIVE@WEBSTERHALL. We are venturing out on a journey of faith with the next generation at our side. We have questions. They have questions. We all know one thing, we all need and desire relationship. Come discover with us a new way to have an intimate relationship with the One who sacrificed it all. "God is personal, God is relational, and God sees in an eternal sense... He not only spoke, He also called them by their names," (pg 186). We do not know the climatic ending, but we are assured "in Him" it is going to be one great ride!

The Cost of the Compromise

Judges, a time when the people should have been enjoying their Promised Land, but they were not. Why? They had dealt with the sin that was within. They saw what they were hiding and what they had been holding on to. Now they were living in their land, but they were still under much strife and there was still no rest. Why?

"Incomplete removal of evil often means disaster in the end." The people compromised with wickedness and they had to face that a compromise really means infiltration. Chapter 1, "But they failed to drive out the people living in the plains, who had iron chariots....The tribe of Benjamin, however, failed to drive out the Jebusites, who were living in Jerusalem.... The tribe of Manasseh failed to drive out the people living in Beth-shan." On and on, Israel failed to completely rid the land of the people who already lived there. "So what," you say. "Whats the big deal? Can't we all just live in peace?"

Wisdom is right by what results from it. Because of their failure to completely drive out the deeply rooted sin in the land, "They will be thorns in your sides, and their gods will be a constant temptation to you.” (2:3)

A compromise, because they were tired of fighting. A compromise, because they saw how powerful the people were and they were intimidated by them. A compromise that really was disobedience. So often we compromise on something that seems so small, but is really a very big deal. We cover it over with the illusion that it will not hurt us and we think we are really doing what is best for us. The truth is, we are settling and we are afraid to face the challenge of completely removing that sin from our land. The result is a spiritual, moral, decline that turns our heart away from the tenderness of God.

What happens when I surround myself with others who are tender to their families? I become tender and more patient with my own. What happens when I surround myself with others who love the LORD and who are truly seeking Him? Their fire helps mine burn hotter. The same goes for the reverse. Their love will infiltrate us, whatever that love is. The trick is being able to separate myself enough, so that I can keep the vision clear. If I can keep His will for my life in full view, then I can completely clear the land and live in peace. All too often, I compromise. I focus on my own past failures so much that I forget. I fail to hold others accountable and let their sin go on. Which in turn starts a cycle of complacency and disobedience in my own life. If I fail to clear the land around me of sin, this will always come back to haunt me and ultimately keep me in the cycle of sin, myself.

Oswald Chambers, "The most wonderful secret of living a holy life does not lie in imitating Jesus, but in letting the perfect qualities of Jesus exhibit themselves in my human flesh. Sanctification is 'Christ in you..." (Colossians 1:27)... Sanctification means the impartation of the holy qualities of Jesus Christ to me. It is the gift of His patience, love, holiness, faith, purity, and godliness that is exhibited in and through every sanctified soul... The perfection of everything is in Jesus Christ, and the mystery of sanctification is that all the perfect qualities of Jesus are at my disposal. Consequently, I slowly but surely begin to live a life of inexpressible order, soundness, and holiness— '...kept by the power of God...' (1 Peter 1:5)."

Who are we allowing to live in our land? How are they affecting us? Are we living a changed life through the power of Christ in us? Or are we being infected by those who are being allowed to live with us? If I stop and really think about it, I can see the truth. The hard part is the follow through once I have seen. The hard part is facing what seems so much stronger than I am. This is when I must turn to God and remember that it is He who will ultimately fight the fight for me, but He is waiting for me to trust and obey.

Be Strong and Courageous

The battle begins. They are standing on the promised land, but they must fight to get it. The corruption and the idolatry in the land are great. The people who already live in the land sacrifice their own children to their gods and they prostitute themselves in their temples. The purging of the land is brutal. There must be no remnants, of what use to be. They must get rid of everything in order to live peacefully in their promised land. But as in any battle there were some obstacles within that stood in their way.

"We are never closer to defeat than in our moments of our greatest victories." Jericho's mighty walls collapsed under the mightier hand of God. Their first victory was a slaughter. Ai, an easy second battle. "There’s no need for all of us to go up there; it won’t take more than two or three thousand men to attack Ai. Since there are so few of them, don’t make all our people struggle to go up there.” (Joshua 7:3) "So approximately 3,000 warriors were sent, but they were soundly defeated."

Why was there such victory followed by a defeat that should have been an easy battle? Joshua cried out to the LORD asking, "why He had done this?" Why? "But the Lord said to Joshua, 'Get up! Why are you lying on your face like this? Israel has sinned and broken my covenant!...'" One man's sin made the entire Israel family suffer. His sin brought destruction on the whole mission and until his sin was dealt with, they could not move forward. But after that sin was purged from the camp, the fighting continued and the enemy was afraid.

Still, one more lesson to learn. Trickery and deceit was next. "But when the people of Gibeon heard what Joshua had done to Jericho and Ai, they resorted to deception to save themselves...'We have come from a distant land to ask you to make a peace treaty with us.' The Israelites replied to these Hivites, 'How do we know you don’t live nearby? For if you do, we cannot make a treaty with you.' They replied, 'We are your servants.' 'But who are you?' Joshua demanded. 'Where do you come from?'.... So the Israelites examined their food, but they did not consult the Lord." (9:1-13)

Two very large mistakes were made in the beginning of the seven year battle in conquering the Promised Land. First, holding on to what one saw as valuable. That "valuable" thing cost him his Promised Land. If he had waited upon the LORD then he could have had so much more, but he did not and what should have been an "easy" battle was followed by a great defeat. Next, "they did not consult the Lord." Moses was the most humble man who ever lived and he never made a rash decision. Before he ever agreed to anything, he always consulted the LORD first. Joshua did not consult the LORD and was bound to a treaty that he should have never made.

Nothing is easy about entering into a new land. Nothing. There are sins revealed that you would never realize you were struggling with. Things that you are holding on to, that want to hold you back. The temptation is to bury those sins and pretend you don't have them, but the purging will continue and they must be expelled. You want to make peace with things that seem to you to be from a distant land. A land that you will never have to see, but if you do not consult the LORD, you will be deceived and have to live with a treaty you were never meant to keep.

The light at the end of the tunnel: “Do not be afraid of them,” the Lord said... “Don’t ever be afraid or discouraged,” Joshua told his men. “Be strong and courageous..." (10) After the sin from within is dealt with, there is victory. Do not be afraid or discouraged. Be strong and courageous. The victory is coming and the LORD will win the battles for you, but you must fight. It is hard and the purging hurts to the deepest of your being, but afterward, there is great reward. Before you can win any battle, the hardest battle to face, is the one from within. “Do not be afraid,” the Lord said... “Don’t ever be afraid or discouraged,” Joshua told his men. “Be strong and courageous..." Deal with what is in you. Do not cower in fear of what you may see. For afterwards, there is the great reward of your Promised Land is near.

Of the World

Deuteronomy 48ff, "That same day the Lord said to Moses, 'Go to Moab, to the mountains east of the river, and climb Mount Nebo, which is across from Jericho. Look out across the land of Canaan, the land I am giving to the people of Israel as their own special possession. Then you will die there on the mountain. You will join your ancestors, just as Aaron, your brother, died on Mount Hor and joined his ancestors. For both of you betrayed me with the Israelites at the waters of Meribah at Kadesh in the wilderness of Zin. You failed to demonstrate my holiness to the people of Israel there. So you will see the land from a distance, but you may not enter the land I am giving to the people of Israel.'”

I have often wondered why God treated Moses so harshly when he struck the rock instead of talking to it. (Numbers 20:9-13) So what, so he struck the rock instead of talking to it. Whats the big deal? Was God unfair to Moses? Was He being unreasonable?

I feel we all have some kind of calling on our lives. At times, I can become overwhelmed with the job that I feel God is giving me. At times, I would like to turn to my old familiar ways of dealing with things and get lost in a moment and forget my responsibilities. There are many of us who feel this way, but we all are responsible for how we handle stresses and what it looks like, to others, in how we handle them. Moses had a huge responsibility in showing the people who God was. God had a certain role for Moses to play. Moses lost his cool and did not demonstrate God's power, but his own. This was the "big" deal that lost him the promised land. "You failed to demonstrate my holiness to the people..."

So often people see us. They see us and see how we worship our God, but they also see us in how we handle this life outside of our church walls. This is where God is holding us accountable. Do others see His changing power through our lives? Do they see that He is truly part of us, or do they hear the words, but see something different? Moses did not loose his position with God. Moses joined his ancestors beside God when he died. This is not about loosing your salvation, but about loosing your promise land. It is about loosing our rights to represent God to others. It is about God pulling you aside and not allowing you to go forth in front of others to represent His holiness. It is about being set aside as different. Are we different from others? Have we really changed how we act around our home? Do we handle our stresses differently? Do we handle our fun differently? If we talk about a spiritual transformation, has there really been a change in our own life? If it is by the power of God that we are transformed, I hope so. Can others pull you out of the crowd you are in and say you are different. Or is it just the words you say that make you feel you are different. That is by definition, hypocrisy.

“When you fall into sin, the smallest price you pay is only the wounding you bring to yourself-- You grieve the heart of God and embarrass the community of Christ” (RZ). How are we living out our lives with God in front of others?

There have been so many things that I would have liked to have done, but I did not. I cannot go out and party. There are many things that I do that really are not sin in my heart, but because others are watching me, (and this thing may cause them to stumble) I do not do these certain things in public. I have to be conscious of how it looks to others. I have to. It is my responsibility to God who has called me to be different, so that my life may demonstrate His holiness.

I have shared all of my struggles. I have allowed others to see how truly weak I am on my own. Now I am being called to demonstrate through my life, how God can change us and make us strong. No matter what I do or where I am, I am being watched. Can others see His power, or do they still just see my sin. Is my life still grieving God's heart? Am I an embarrassment to the community of Christ?

1 John 2:15, "Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you." We are to live in this world, but we are not to be of this world. What do others see? Is my life demonstrating His holiness, or do others still just see me?

http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/living-proof-with-beth-moore/listen/the-inheritance-from-dvd-8-of-9-200150.html
This is a link to Beth Moore..... She addresses this issue.

WTO, West Texas Outfitters

WTO, the West Texas Outfitters. How could you know? My father had his group of buddies that he went hunting with. They dubbed their group the WTO. How could he know that they would all affect their children so profoundly? I am now 36 years old and they have been together since before I was born. In their plight to get away and go hunting together, our families were joined together. We were raised with this certain group of kids that were not our blood relatives, but now are our family. We watched our parents stick it out together. They have laughed together and cried together. They have been hurt by others and each other, but in their commitment to each other they have remained friends. What did we, as your children learn from you? Their are so many lessons! How can we count them all? But there is one that I will share, for it is an important lesson that our generation, as a whole, has forgotten.

How often do we allow someone to get just close enough to us that they offend us and we in turn dump them as our companion. "I am offended," we say, "and I do not have to take it from you." With our offense we abandon them as our friend and go away proudly holding on to our rights. We are a generation that has lost the ability to stick it out. We have lost our ability to build close relationships. We do not know what it means to live out a life with someone, because we do not know how to not get offended. So, we live out our life alone, not knowing where everyone has gone and we think it is their fault.

The WTO consists of 6 men and their wives. Out of this group of 6, 5 are still married to their fist wife, all are still friends. In our group of "kids" 50% of us have been divorced. Our generation has a "right" to leave if we find ourselves unhappy. None of us know of another person, or group of people, that has been more committed than our parents. They have stuck it out through the hard and good times. They have remained loyal and they understand what it means to forgive.

Galatians 5:22, "But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." I want to thank my WTO family for displaying the fruits of the Spirit for all of your children. Through your lives we have learned many lessons. We have seen you fall on your face. Then, because of your love for one another, we have watched you pick each other up and walk out this life together. None of us have walked out this life perfectly, we all still make many mistakes, but because of your example we are still learning from you and thank you for your example of commitment that our generation has lost. Because of your life, your children have something that many others do not have. We have an example of how to remain committed. We have an example of how to live out this life with others, and their faults. We have an example of how to make a true and lasting friend.

To the WTO, thank you. I am sorry for my part in not showing my life a better example of the life that you lived. There was a time when I bought the lies of my generation, but because of you, I now can see. I have played my part in our statistics, but for this next part of my life, I can do better. Thank you for showing me love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Thank you for sticking out this life together, so I can do better in the future and my children will learn this valuable lesson too. Exodus 20:6, "...I lavish unfailing love for a thousand generations on those who love me and obey my commands." Thank you, from all of us who follow after you, to be part of a beautiful blessing.

Illusions

This past week I went to Texas for a family reunion. Only it was not an ordinary family reunion. It was a reunion of friends. My dad had his hunting buddies my entire childhood. I grew up with their children and they are our extended family. They dubbed their group the WTO, West Texas Outfitters. What a wonderful time to see the people that I knew as a child. I now got to see them with their children and they got to see mine. It was time well spent and many lessons learned for me.

I must confess, before we left for Texas I was a basket case. We were going to spend our time together at the Gaylord Hotel. This hotel is based around its theme of water pleasure. There is a lazy river, water slide, large pool and other accommodations. The thought of having to spend my time in a bathing suit was not my idea of amity. I was excited to see my old friends, but I had seen pictures of them on Facebook and their pictures awakened an insecurity that I had thought was long gone. The insecurity of an illusion that no one can compete with. The illusion of the eye.

Let me explain:
When I was working at the club, I was the illusion. I knew how to work with that illusion and I knew how to play with the thoughts that entered through the eye gate. But after my days at the club were through, I discovered that while I was fulfilling a fantasy, I could not even compete with myself in the illusions that I would portray. My real life, the one that was not seen in the club, could not hold up to the fantasy that others would see. The true me could not compete with the illusion me. So here I was again looking at pictures on FB, illusions, of people. In my insecurity of my motherly body, my mind automatically went in competition of an illusion. Don't get me wrong. These women were stunningly beautiful. They worked out. I don't think I have done a situp in the last 10 years. But that is where the illusion is. It is in convincing yourself that you are in a competition with someone's outward appearance. Who can compete with that? There will always be someone prettier. There will always be someone more desirable physically. The outward appearance is the illusion.

This morning I have been reading in Numbers 22ff, the story of Balaam. In my cometary it says: "His story exposes the deception of maintaining an outward facade of spiritually over a corrupt inward life. Balaam was a man ready t obey God's command as long as he could profit from doing so... Who and what we are will somehow come to the surface, destroying any masks we may have put on to cover up our real selves. Efforts spent on keeping up appearances would be much better spent on finding the answer to sin in our lives. We can avoid Balaam's mistake by facing ourselves and realizing that God is willing to accept us, forgive us, and literally make us over from within.... Lessons from his life; Motives are just as important as actions. Your treasure is where your heart is."

So what had to happen to me? I had to put on a bathing suit, go where I was least secure physically. Go back to the place where I used to draw my security from and face a facade that I thought was no longer an issue in my life. At first I failed the test. I bought the lie, but then I learned my lesson. I cannot put my value in what I look like. I cannot always cover up my most unflattering features and only allow others to see the illusion. I have to face who I am. I have to discover what gives me security and what illusions I am still trying to portray. We all must at sometime go back to where we came from. At some point we must face the facade and discover who we really are. Where are our securities found? Where is our treasure? What is our motive? In each and every situation that we find ourselves in, there is always a lesson to be learned. Sometimes those lessons are lessons that we thought we had conquered long ago.

Riding the Waves

Jeremiah 1:5-9, "'Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.' 'Alas, Sovereign LORD,' I said, 'I do not know how to speak; I am too young.' But the LORD said to me, 'Do not say, ‘I am too young.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,' declares the LORD. Then the LORD reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, 'I have put my words in your mouth...'"

Do you ever step out in faith, after you have heard from God on something, then all too soon you start doubting whether or not you really did hear from Him, or if it was really all your imagination? This doubting is way too easy for me. How? How do you stay steadfast and planted in the work you are being called to? How do you know that you are doing the right thing when doubt comes flooding in? It is so easy to start with fire, but because your fire is not hot, you burn out quickly and smolder. It is not about what you are doing, but why. The why, is what can carry you through till the next wave comes. The Who is your why.

Jeremiah 2:8, "The priests did not ask, ‘Where is the LORD?’"

Not, where is the LORD in the work. Not, where is the LORD in what you are doing. Everything is about where is the LORD in your daily life. As we step out in faith and begin a new thing, doubt is bound to come in. It has to. Jeremiah had to have much doubt, but what he had was endurance. And that is what set him apart from the others. It takes a long-term commitment. It takes caring and the willingness to be committed to God in order to complete the task. Just as Jeremiah had to depend on God's love to develop endurance, so do we. When Jeremiah was tempted to give up, he could not. God had called him to endure. Not to endure because of the task set before him. He was called to endure with his LORD.

It is when we start thinking and sleeping with the task, that is when we need to be careful. It is not about the job. It never has been. It is all about our relationship with Him. He is calling us to endure with Him. Then through our endurance with Him we can be witnesses of His mighty work through us. What an awesome day that will be, when we wake up and we have endured with Him. It will not be about what we have and have not done, but it will be about our relationship with our Creator. Can we endure with Him? Can we continue to see the dream He has placed in front of us, while we wait for His timing? Can we continue on, in this day, working today to see His vision for our life fulfilled? Can we stick with the task against all odds, as Jeremiah did? Can we ride out this wave of doubt, waiting with God, until the next high wave carries us through? Are we willing to endure with Him?

James 1:2-4 "Dear sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything." (NLV) Love you sisters :)

Frustrations

"Remember that you have been saved so that the life of Jesus may be manifested in your body (see 2 Corinthians 4:10). Direct the total energy of your powers so that you may achieve everything your election as a child of God provides; rise every time to whatever occasion may come your way." (O.C.)

Yesterday, my hair dryer would not turn on. I checked the outlets, thinking the breaker may have been tripped. That was not the case. So, I marched very heavily down the stairs to get our old hair dryer that I keep for guests in my son's bathroom. Back up the stairs and into my own bathroom where I plugged in my back up hairdryer. My back up was not working either! I very frustratedly grabbed my keys and headed to WalMart to buy a new one. After finding one that I wanted, I went back home and finished getting ready for my son's parent/child soccer game. I was a cheerleader for my boys. My husband and son were in this playing together. During the game my husband lost his wedding ring. Frustrations that happen to us on a daily basis. Frustrations that can interrupt our entire day, if we allow them. Frustrations that are so small, but can blow our whole example of how we are supposed to be able to find peace in Christ.

"You did not do anything to achieve your salvation, but you must do something to exhibit it. You must “work out your own salvation” which God has worked in you already (Philippians 2:12). Are your speech, your thinking, and your emotions evidence that you are working it “out”? If you are still the same miserable, grouchy person, set on having your own way, then it is a lie to say that God has saved and sanctified you." (O.C.)

I have had college girls ask me, "Why do I need to believe in Christ? I see your friends and they are not happy. I see the struggles they are going through. I need to know that I am going to be taken care of. How is He helping them? I have seen you loose it, over very little things. How is He helping you?" Ouch!

Don't get me wrong. None of us are perfect, but it is our daily living that speaks. We have others who do not know Christ, who are watching us. Can they watch us go through a struggle and see that there is something different holding us up? Can they see us and want our peace? Do my children see me throw a fit over a broken hair dryer? It is in the small every day struggles where we loose our whole witness to our children, and others. Most outsiders see us loose it only in the "big" issues, but they still see us loose it.

"God is the Master Designer, and He allows adversities into your life to see if you can jump over them properly—”By my God I can leap over a wall” (Psalm 18:29). God will never shield you from the requirements of being His son or daughter. First Peter 4:12 says, “Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you . . . .” Rise to the occasion—do what the trial demands of you. It does not matter how much it hurts as long as it gives God the opportunity to manifest the life of Jesus in your body.

May God not find complaints in us anymore, but spiritual vitality—a readiness to face anything He brings our way. The only proper goal of life is that we manifest the Son of God; and when this occurs, all of our dictating of our demands to God disappears. Our Lord never dictated demands to His Father, and neither are we to make demands on God. We are here to submit to His will so that He may work through us what He wants. Once we realize this, He will make us broken bread and poured-out wine with which to feed and nourish others." (O.C.) This is a call for me, for all of us to see the bigger picture. Can we see what that is, even in our trial today?

Spring

I love the timing of how things work in my life. For example, I am starting over in my reading of the bible. Genesis, the book of beginnings. As I look out my window, my favorite Spring time tree is budding its small plumb colored leaves. Soon this tree will be covered with beautiful pink flowers. My colors that I see will turn from cold white to red, green, and pink, outlined with the blue of the sky behind them. The grass is turning from a hard brown to green, and will soon be a lush garden for my feet. Spring, the time of new beginnings. Right now, because I am in it, this is my favorite time of year. Winters are long in the mountains. The snow and cold seem to last forever, but the Spring is here and the birds are singing again.

I love to study the word. This is the only book that will give you something new to think about every time you start to read it again. The other day I was watching a program on TV where a Jewish Rabbi gives lessons from his Jewish background. He took the verse in Genesis 3 that says, "So the Lord God banished them from the Garden of Eden, and he sent Adam out to cultivate the ground from which he had been made. After banishing them from the garden, the Lord God stationed mighty cherubim to the east of the Garden of Eden. And he placed a flaming sword that flashed back and forth to guard the way to the tree of life."

I heard something new in his teachings. Now I do not know if he was correct or not, but it is an interesting way to see Genesis new for me, again. He took the word "banished" and explained how the actual translation means "divorced." And the cherubim were not really there to keep them out, but to show them the way back. They were stationed in the garden to help remind the people of their loss, but to also help them see their way back home.

So if we change the wording a little to the actual translation it reads, "So the Lord God divorced them from the Garden of Eden, and he sent Adam out to cultivate the ground from which he had been made. After divorcing them from the garden, the Lord God stationed mighty cherubim to the east of the Garden of Eden. And he placed a flaming sword that flashed back and forth to guard (show) the way to the tree of life."

From the beginning God has been calling us back to Him. He wants us to see His newness. He wants us to see His wonder, even in the midst of the long winter. There is always Spring coming, no matter what has happened in the past.

Oswald Chambers, "Our circumstances are the means God uses to exhibit just how wonderfully perfect and extraordinarily pure His Son is. Discovering a new way of manifesting the Son of God should make our heart beat with renewed excitement. It is one thing to choose adversity, and quite another to enter into adversity through the orchestrating of our circumstances by God’s sovereignty. And if God puts you into adversity, He is adequately sufficient to 'supply all your need' (Philippians 4:19).

Keep your soul properly conditioned to manifest the life of the Son of God. Never live on your memories of past experiences, but let the Word of God always be living and active in you." Can you see the change ahead of you? Can you hear the new lesson from pages of old? Can you take the hurtful things that have already been written and see in them the Glory of God?

Allow God to make your past a foundation in which you stand on. If you will do this, you will be able to see His mighty swords pointing you back to Him. We cannot live in our past, but it can be the foundation to our future. Our future is in seeing the beauty of the Cross and the mighty power of His forgiveness. In this way, we will be able to sing with the birds, on this new Spring day.

Gift of Forgetting

I spent the day with my sweet Gwenda again. She calls me, "Jenny girl." I love it! She wanted me to come out and see her again, because of the blog that I had written called "Panic Attack". She was very concerned about hearing this, "Do you ever feel like you are going to have a panic attack? I do, every time I am going to leave my house. The pressure of seeing other people and talking to them, just about overwhelms me. Going to a place where there is going to be lots of people gathering-- the grocery store, picking my son up from school, going to my son's soccer game, church, small group gathering (where different people come in unexpectedly), all of these places freak me out! Every time I leave my home, I have to fight against the fear. You see, I struggle with remembering how I know people. I do not remember people's names, or even their faces for that matter..."

A very cool thing about being so open about all of my struggles, is that I do not have time to wrestle with them long. God sends me someone with an outside point of view. This gives me a chance to work them out and deal with them.

My day with Gwenda was once again spent with the horses. I rode one of them bare back. She told me this was my time to gain my balance and feel the movement of the horse under me. I was to concentrate on how my body felt and how I was anchored upon the horse. Then after my time was done, we got my boys and put them on the horses and walked next to them down the road. It was after my time of settling in and getting comfortable, this is when the talking and sorting began. We went into the house, got some lunch, and began digging for the root cause of my fear. We finally settled on this, it all started when I moved to Gunnison. Jason knew everyone and I knew no one. I felt like I had to know the whole town all at the same time. This fear blocked me from really settling in and feeling comfortable. Since I still do not know everyone, (how could I, but that is how fear works, it is illogical) I fear they will take it personally and think "they are not worthy of me remembering who they are." Now, me not knowing their name right away, blocks me from retaining their name, for I live in fear of asking them to tell me their name again. It is a huge cycle that I have been dancing with for years and I thought it was just my way of life, forever. I thought I would always live in this fear.

But, then Gwenda asked me, "What is the blessing of not remembering who people are?" Blessing? How can there be a blessing? Then it hit me, I do not store up people's sin in my heart and hold their sin against them. I forget! I have lived here for 10 years, and I do not know anyone that I hold a grudge against. Don't get me wrong. I have had my moments, but my gift is forgetting. Then I move on. Isn't that how it works. God gives you a gift and Satan tries to come in and distort that gift and make you live in fear of that gift God so freely gives us. "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." (Ephesians 4:32 ESV) How does Christ forgive? He forgets! What a blessing!

So now I can live in peace. If I ask you your name, again, do not get offended. Remember, my gift is the gift of forgetting, (I will not hold anything against you) its my gift. If you know no one who is safe, you think they will hold your sins against you, I am safe. I will forget. You will find an example of forgiveness, through my gift of forgetting. "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working." (James 5:16 ESV) My sin was fear. I did not realize that I had a gift. Satan was taking my gift and making me live in fear, but now I have freedom all because I confessed my sin of fear. Do not live in fear. Confess. Repent. Forgive. Forget.

Birds are Singing

I love the promise of new life. Winter is long up here. The birds are singing again, but with the season's change, also comes Spring cleaning. It is time to clean the house, but who wants to spend their days inside? Winter's long sleep can no longer be ignored and doubt creeps in about how we are going to handle our new found freedom along with our new responsibilities.

We have a friend who is 6'7", a very tall man. When he comes into my home, I have a tendency to get very insecure, very fast. Most of my friends are around the same height as I am and I do not know anyone who is taller than Jason, but this friend has a whole new look on things. He walks in and I immediately notice where his eyes can see. He sees dirt in places that I never think to look, "for I don't need to clean that place, no one sees it." That is not the case when he walks in my door. After he leaves, (I do this, no joke) I get a chair and see my home from his point of view. Now I have a choice. I can either address the things that his height has pointed out, or I can go on ignoring them and settle back into my comfort zone. But settling always has a tendency to back fire, he will come over again, and I will once again be made uncomfortable. I am a person who looks forward to summer with all of the crazy emotions that are awakened and all of the work that it brings. I love to hear the birds sing. This change brings promise, but with this promise also comes lots of work. I just cannot sit back and ignore the dirt.

I know many who are struggling right now. They are hurt. There have been many who have had their own hearts revealed to themselves, and to others, in ways they would have never imagined. This is good. It brings light upon things that are normally left alone. It helps us to notice the dirt that we have been ignoring in the past. It helps us to see the truth about how we really keep our house.

Ephesians 1:22, "God has put all things under the authority of Christ and has made Him head over all things for the benefit of the church. And the church is his body; it is made full and complete by Christ, who fills all things everywhere with Himself."

Remember that Christ is very tall. He can see in places that we try to ignore. He can see right into our own hearts. We need to allow Him to show our hearts what we really need to notice. It is not about what others around us are doing and saying, it is about our own hearts, that is what really needs to be cleaned. This is the season for change. I am so excited about this new season and the hope that it brings. There is going to be lots of work. There are many things that have been exposed. I have many hidden fears that try and come in and try to silence me. I have many doubts that make my heart want to roll over and go back to sleep, but my doubts are in myself. I doubt that I can do what I know Christ is calling me to do. He wants my eyes to see the places in my own heart that need to be strengthened. He wants me to see myself. He wants me to take a good look in the mirror and not to just walk away and forget what I look like, but to keep looking steadily into His perfect law that sets me free.

If I concentrate on what others are doing in their own house, I have a tendency to start throwing dirt. I have discovered that when you start throwing dirt, all that really happens, is that you loose a lot of ground. You start concentrating on what they need and should be doing, I stop looking at my own reflection in the mirror. What Christ is showing me to do, never gets done. In this season, can I hear the birds singing? In this season, can I see the joy they bring? In this season, am I willing to work where I need to step up and work? Have I pulled out my chair and taken a look around my house to see things from another view point? Have I taken a look at my own heart from where Christ stands? Am I willing to concentrate on Him? This is a good thing. This can be fun. This is a time when we can sing with the birds. This is a time to notice things from another angle, no matter how uncomfortable it make us. This is a time to sing.

Guessing Game

Fear- It is amazing how Satan can try and trap you with fear. He pulls this card when all other cards are spent. He gets you to look at what you cannot do and tries to convince you that you are the cause of failure, any failure, you see around you. He does this by getting you to look at yourself. This is where fear originates and this is where it is cared for. It grows here until you become the center for everything. Everywhere you go, you start to think others are thinking about you. That is when he has you. He has you in a trap and the bait is you putting your own thoughts about yourself into other peoples heads.

I used to do this with Jason. I wanted him to understand what I was feeling and thinking, without me telling him. I wanted him to enter into my world of "guessing thoughts". I have a very wise man. He has always refused. His constant reply has always been, "If I try and guess what is going on, I will be setting myself up for failure. I do not like to fail, so you just need to tell me what you are feeling, so we can deal with it and move forward." Even though I have said some pretty horrible things to him, he is not afraid to fail if I tell him. He knows that he does not stand a chance, if he tries to guess.

Stepping out and opening up is not easy. It puts you at a perceived disadvantage. I begin to put my own thoughts into others head and I start to become certain that I know what they are thinking. I place myself as a god in their lives. I do not realize that I am doing this, but what other explanation do I have for such power. All focus is taken off of Christ and placed upon myself.

"Then Peter called to him, 'Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.' 'Yes, come,' Jesus said. So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. 'Save me, Lord!' he shouted." (Matthew 14:22)

Peter was willing to get out of the boat. His focus was on Christ. It was when he diverted his eyes away from Jesus that he began to panic. He took his attention away from the only one who could save him and started focusing on the problems around him. This is when fear overwhelmed him. He started looking at what he knew was impossible and he began to sink.

This is what happens to me. I take my eyes off of my God and I place them upon myself. This is a huge mistake. I cannot do it. I am very aware of my limitations. It is when I take my eyes off of Him and start focusing on me, that is when I find myself in a full blown "panic attack." My God, He can anything! If I can keep my focus on Him and what He has already done with my life, I will not look at my limitations and loose myself in my self-doubt. I do not doubt my God. I doubt myself. It is when my focus gets distorted that I begin to live in fear. My lesson is, breathe and trust that the Lord is good. Keep your focus on Him. He is the mighty Creator. He is the Savior of the world and He can do anything. Through Him, so can all of us who call upon His name. We are the courageous. We are the chosen ones. We are the ones who can walk on water, if keep our attention turned toward Him.

If you click on the title "Guessing Game" it will take you to Homespun Legacy. These are the things that God has done. Not me. But if I take my focus off of Him.... This is what Satan is trying to destroy. Thank you Don and Shelly! More than you know.

Panic Attack

Do you ever feel like you are going to have a panic attack? I do, every time I am going to leave my house. The pressure of seeing other people and talking to them, just about overwhelms me. Going to a place where there is going to be lots of people gathering-- the grocery store, picking my son up from school, going to my son's soccer game, church, small group gathering (where different people come in unexpectedly), all of these places freak me out! Every time I leave my home, I have to fight against the fear. You see, I struggle with remembering how I know people. I do not remember people's names, or even their faces for that matter. I have to see them many times to remember who they are, especially women. Women change their hair. Sometimes they have makeup on. Sometimes they do not. So I meet them, but the next time I see them, I probably will not recognize them and this freaks me out. I have a panic attack. I do not know if I damaged my brain with too many drugs, or if it is my MS, but this is my greatest struggle and I live in fear of failure. I live in fear of hurting someone's feelings, because I do not remember who they are. I fear they will get offended if I ask them their name more than twice. I fear they will take my weakness personally and think I do not care about them. I leave my house and have a panic attack.

Yesterday, I just about lost it. I had to get out. I had to go to Gwenda's house and spend some time with her. I did not know why I needed to see her so badly. All that I knew was that I would be able to breathe at her home. As soon as I could leave town, I drove the twenty minutes to her ranch. I had no agenda. I just needed to see Gwenda.

When I got there she was working with her horses. She was not riding them. She was just spending time with them. She needed them to trust her again after the long winter. She spoke tenderly to them and waited patiently for them to obey her simple hand commands. At times she would look away, waiting for them to come to her. Other times she would look right at them gently commanding them to follow her. She would walk in front of them and she would have them walk in front of her. She was patient. She would stop and take a deep breathe and tell them to breathe.

This morning I woke with my own horse, from when I was a young girl, on my mind and heart. I woke remembering the times that I had forgotten. Those times spent with him, not working, just being with him. He trusted me. I would braid his tail, even walk under his belly. If he was laying, down I would go and lay between his legs and rest on his large stomach. I woke remembering how to breathe.

I can get so caught up in the works of this life, that I forget how to breathe. I forgot that the whole reason that I want animals so badly, is not to work with them, but to be with them. Yes, it takes lots of work, but the love is just being with them. Dogs and horses are different. With dogs, they are predators. When they are afraid, they growl and attack. With horses, when they are afraid, they run away. I have forgotten how to relate my life with what I love. I have taken what I love and turned it into a job. I love dogs. So I took that love and started raising them. I love horses, but then never spend time with them except to ride them. We take our love and turn it into work, then we forget how to breathe. Then we begin to expect to succeed, instead of just be. I cannot live in fear. I must remember how to breathe.

"Show me your ways, Yahweh. Teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth, and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation, I wait for you all day long." Psalm 25:4,5
"Get all the advice and instruction you can, so you will be wise the rest of your life. You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail." Psalm 19:20-21

I cannot live in fear of making a mistake. I cannot live with panic attacks for the rest of my life. Why do I do the things I do? What is the purpose of my life? What are the things that I love? I love my God. My purpose is to be with Him. There are many works that must be done, but can I just breathe with Him? Pause... Remember how to breathe. I may have many plans, but then those plans seem to change and my world may seem to be out of line. He may be reminding me how to breathe. He is my love and remembering my love, and not just doing the work, this will remind me how to be with my love and just breathe. Breathe, and just be...

God Loves Gunnison

We got a phone call one day from college student wanting to do an interview about people who live in Gunnison, and their lives with Christ. This is her senior project for her film class. I hope you enjoy.

Click on the title "God Loves Gunnison" and it will take you to the link.

Un-Group, I Love this Body!

Every Tuesday night, for almost 2 years now, I have met with a group of women. We started out meeting in different homes, but now we all gather together in my home. I have a basement that is perfect. That is why we settled on this. We call ourselves the un-group. We have no agenda. We have nothing in mind for our time together. We have no book to guide us. We do not even, always study the bible. We come together and allow God to lead our un-group into praise and worship of Him. We cry together. We laugh together. We share our lives together. There are some women, who are always there. There are others who float in and out, depending on their home situation and what they are needing right then. This un-group of women, this is my church. This is where the true beauty of God comes alive. This is where we see the Holy Spirit move and where we see lives changed.

1 Corinthians 12:4-11, "There are different kinds of spiritual gifts, but the same Spirit is the source of them all. There are different kinds of service, but we serve the same Lord. God works in different ways, but it is the same God who does the work in all of us. A spiritual gift is given to each of us so we can help each other. To one person the Spirit gives the ability to give wise advice; to another the same Spirit gives a message of special knowledge. The same Spirit gives great faith to another, and to someone else the one Spirit gives the gift of healing. He gives one person the power to perform miracles, and another the ability to prophesy. He gives someone else the ability to discern whether a message is from the Spirit of God or from another spirit. Still another person is given the ability to speak in unknown languages, while another is given the ability to interpret what is being said. It is the one and only Spirit who distributes all these gifts. He alone decides which gift each person should have." This is my church body and I love her.

Last night we had a discussion about going to church on Sundays and what that looks like. During this discussion we had several different opinions being tossed around. I don't think that any of us really knew. Church on Sundays is an institution. I hate to say it, but it is. There are certain things that have to happen. There is a certain program that has to be run in order for everything to go smoothly. The question was tossed around about what kind of teaching needed to be taught there. Does it need to me "milk" for the ones who are new and who do not have a strong faith walk yet? Does it need to be "meat" to help spur on those who have been Christ followers for sometime now?

I wrestled with these questions all night. When I awoke this morning and opened my bible, I could hear the answer. It did not come to me through the words that I was reading. It came to my heart. (Then later my heart's desire was put into its place and I have changed what I thought needed to be changed in this writing). Sunday mornings is a time for the believers to come and sing praises to their God together, to worship Him. It is a time to introduce yourself to new people. The meat that we so desire that Sunday morning to give us, is not enough if we expect it to happen once a week. This cannot happen on Sunday mornings, not the way it happens to us on Tuesday nights. If everyone were part of a "small group" then when that person comes in for the first time, who does not know what worship is all about, then the believers should take that person and invite them into "group" night so that the body can work its magic. Just like there are many different "churches" in a town there needs to be many different groups, so that a person can join that group and be fed what they can eat at that time in their life. If they are a new believer, they can receive milk. If they are someone who has been on this journey for some time now, they can eat the meat they need.

This is how it can work. I saw a new woman in our church one day. I made it my goal to go up to her, introduce myself, and invite her into my home on Tuesday night. Now, I am not sure if our un-group is the "right" one for her, but at least she feels like part of the body now. She can come to church on Sunday mornings to meet with people who have the same goal in mind and she does not feel like an outcast by being there. Tuesday night is where the true body of Christ is felt for us. This is where true "church" happens. Now that my friend feels comfortable in our group, if she needs to find another group, she will not feel so uncomfortable in joining another group that may better serve her what she can handle. She is part of the body and she can now find her place. But it all started because she walked into our church, she was invited into a home, she felt desired. This would have never happened if she had not been invited home. Home is where the true teaching needs to happen. Home is where the true church meets.

So if you go to church on Sunday, why are you going? Are you going there to get your fill for the week, until the next Sunday? Are you joined with other believers, part of a small group, during the week? Do you see the new faces who need to be invited into your home, into your group? What does church look like for you? If you are new, if you have been there for your entire life, have you plugged into a small group? If you have not, you are missing the true "church".