Yesterday, I had several different thoughts about people knowing so much about me. It is not always easy being so open. I do not want men to see me and see an ex stripper, for one thing. I do not want people from my childhood to see that I was once a druggie and that I have been married two times. There are consequences for being so open. There are some people that will see these things that I have done and they will hold it against me. There are even people that have similar sins, that they are still doing, and they will hate me for shinning light on their sin. Because even if they do not want to admit it, their conscience is already convicting them. Even though I know all of these things probably will happen, it is so much better living without any secrets.
There is a higher level of accountability when you tell everyone what you have done. People are watching you anyway. Confession just opens your eyes to what other people already know or suspect. Most of the time, the only one being deceived is the deceiver. If you binge at night or when no one is around, but eat salad all day in front of everyone else, there is going to be physical consequences to your binging. Because of my past, I quickly pick up on the clues that men have who struggle with pornography. Some signs are obvious, like hanging bikini calenders in your home or office. Others are subtle, and it is just a look. Others who are getting high all of the time, usually they where sunglasses even if it is cloudy. If you are constantly lying, your stories never sound the same. Can you see that the deceiver is the one who is deceived. Even if you never get caught, you are in turmoil. The deceiver is in bondage and slavery is never freedom.
Even though I run the risk of judgement, by allowing so many people to see into my personal life, I am free. There is only turmoil and heartache when we live in the dark world of secrets. We do not find freedom by exposing our sins and not turning into a new life. We find freedom by releasing our sins to God, and living a new life. There was a time when I was trying to change, that I kept many secrets. I did not tell anyone my past. It was all so new and I was so weak, that I needed to establish my relationship with God. I did, but even though I was no longer living in sin, my heart still ached, because I was keeping a secret. It was only after I confessed my sins to others around me, that my chains to that sin were finally broken and I found freedom. I have freedom because I have no secrets. I have peace because I have a solid relationship with the Light of this world. The hurt that some will throw my direction, can never be more hurtful than living in darkness. I am free in Christ, I live in His Light!
John 3:18-21
"There is no judgement awaiting those who trust Him. But those who do not trust Him have already been judged for not believing in the only Son of God. Their judgement is based on this fact: The light from heaven came into the world, but they loved the darkness more than the light, for their actions were evil. They hate the light because they want to sin in the darkness. They stay away from the light for fear their sins will be exposed and they will be punished. But those who do what is right come to the light gladly, so everyone can see that they are doing what God wants."
1 comment:
I think it's great what you are doing. In your openness you are able to help many other people. Yes, it would be easier in many ways to just be happy with where you are and forget about who you used to be, but then there would seem to be no purpose for the terrible things you went through or the struggle to get free from them. You are doing the right thing.
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