Each New Day

I do not know how to talk to others without sounding "preachy." Honestly, how do you tell someone about your changed life, without talking about Christ. I cannot, I did not change my life, Christ did. In the beginning of my "new life," things were very difficult for me. I was trying so hard to rely on God, but I was fighting so many other worldly battles. I married Jason, because when I left my ex, I had told God that I would walk through any door that I thought He was opening for me. My first thought of Jason, was my grandmother's misinterpretation that he had been into marijuana. When I discovered that she was wrong, I was relieved, because I was trying so hard to begin a new walk. But, how do you live sober when you have been high for so long? By the grace of God.

Jason and I were married, one year after we first met. I had been smoking pot until one month before we married. I wanted a different life, but I still did not understand how to lean on God. So on our honey moon, I was blessed by a pregnancy. This did not make things easy for either of us, but I was sober and this time allowed me to live that way. The first few years of our marriage were very difficult for both of us. Jason was dealing with a new wife, a baby on the way, and trying to figure out his job path. He looked like a deer caught in headlights for the first couple of years. His wife was insane, pregnant, and broken. He went from being this young guy, with no real responsibilities, to a young man with a full plate. I was demanding that he take the lead, in "my" spiritual walk with the Lord. I was over whelming him with rules and regulations, while at the same time I was acting awful. I knew what did not work, in one respect, but I had no idea about what did work.

Things were very hard for us for the first two years of our marriage. I was a hateful, male bashing woman. Everything that Jason did was under scrutiny. He was not a muscular man, when we were younger, he has filled out very nicely now, but he was a late bloomer. I judged a man by his physical stature, but over time, I learned that his integrity was his strength. One day we were driving to see his mother, she was getting treatments for cancer, and I was bashing men as usual. Jason finally had enough. He pointed to the back seat, to our 6 mo old son, and said, "What you say about men, he will turn into. You are raising a man." This did it. This was the true beginning of a wonderful life. What came out of my mouth was changed, after some time went by, my heart changed as well.

The only credit that I can take in my changed life, was that I was willing to listen; when I heard, I took a step in faith, knowing He was leading me in the right direction. I needed a personal relationship with Christ. I was desperate to live free. I began begging Him for guidance. For the first time I started reading my bible, seeking Him. I had studied the bible my entire life, but this was the first time I had read it. Then He started waking me up very early in the morning. I discussed this with a friend, because I was very tired, I now had two young boys and I was waking up very early (I needed my sleep). She told me, "Maybe God wants to spend some time with you, get up." So this was another change in my life, I began my mornings with God.

John 6:63, Jesus said, "It is the Spirit who gives eternal life. Human effort accomplishes nothing. And the very words I have spoken to you are spirit and life." I cannot take credit for my changed life. I was willing to listen, He changed my life. Christ came and died for all of us, so that we could all be free from our failures. He became the bridge that separated us from the Father. John 14:20-21, Jesus said, "When I am raised to life again, you will know that I am in my Father, and you are in Me, and I am in you. Those who obey my commandments are the ones who love Me. And because they love Me, my Father will love them. And I will reveal Myself to each one of them." I am different, because He died for me. I am still on the journey, and I make many mistakes, but I love Him, and He loves me. Each day He shows me a little more of Himself. Each day is new with my Lord.