Powerless Victim

When I first met Jason, we hung out together every day. After just three days, I told him about my life with my ex-husband, who I had just filed for divorce with. I truly expected to scare him off. I had discovered that he had never done any drugs and that he was still a virgin. I did not find any reason to hang out with him. So, on the third night, I gave him my whole story, leaving out the graphics. I expected to never see him again, but his words to me that night were, "I think I am here to help you heal." I thought this was so corny, but how true it was. We stayed together every day for the next couple of weeks, then I left for Stone Gate. http://www.stonegateresources.org/

I stayed at Stone Gate for 10 days. During this time, I discovered my role in the destruction of my life. I had been blaming everyone else for my failures. I definitely blamed my ex-husband, because he was the one that who was supposed to protect me; cherish me; love me, and all he did was try to destroy me. After all, wasn't it all his fault? No, I had to take responsibility for my own choices. I was not a victim, I had made every choice, all on my own. Thanks to Harry, the head counselor at Stone Gate, I was able to see this early on in my healing. There is never any power in a victim, the only time we can take our life back is by accepting the responsibilities for our own part in things.


Now don't get me wrong, every child is a victim. What happens to you in your childhood is something that you cannot control. But after you have grown, you can no longer blame your decisions on your past. You are the one making those decisions. It was not my fault that I was molested in the 5th grade. It was not my fault that my virginity was taken from me at 15, at school. These are places that I found myself in, because I was a young girl, and most young girls cannot see what is about to happen to them if they put themselves in certain situations. Even if they can see what is about to happen, most of the time you do not have the ability to know how to get yourself out of the situation.

I was now an adult, I was 26 with a college degree, I was a grown woman, I was not a victim. I had made the choices myself. No matter how hard I tried to pass blame on someone else, it was my decision, all of it. I had spent my entire life with the victim mentality. Nothing was ever really my fault. I could turn and pass the blame onto anything or anyone, at any time. The victim role is what I had to take control over. I had to see that I was making my life choices, for myself. I am so thankful for Harry. I would still be blaming my failed marriage on my ex-husband and his mistakes, this is not true. Yes, he had a part in the failure, but so did I. Here is the point, as long as you are blaming the past for your today, you will never make it past yesterday. I look forward to tomorrow, by taking control of today. I have to turn every day over to the will of God, otherwise I may find myself stuck in the past. Every day is new and every day brings its own troubles. If you burden today with the sorrows of yesterday, tomorrow seems much to large to look forward to. Today we have control of our future. Today we have control of our today.

2 Corinthians 4-5, "...We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed and broken. We are perplexed, but we don't give up and quit. We are hunted down, but God never abandons us. We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going... I believed in God, and so I speak... For our present troubles are quite small and won't last very long... So we don't look at the troubles we can see right now; rather, we look forward to what we have not yet seen. For the troubles we see will soon be over, but the joys to come will last forever... We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long for the day when we will put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing... That is why we live by believing and not by seeing. Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord. So our aim is to please Him always, whether we are here in this body or away from this body. For we must all stand before Christ to be judged. We will each receive whatever we deserve for the good or evil we have done in our bodies."