Salvation

I have been trying very hard, to stay focused on marriage, during these months. But I feel I must talk about something else, right now. I was raised with believing parents. They believed in God, went to church, prayed every night, but did not have a good relationship with each other. I was raised in a church that believed you had to be baptised before you could be saved. We were taught salvation through baptism, instead of a changed heart and life. So at 12 years, I got baptised. Mainly, because my grandmother was there and I wanted her to see. I did not have a change of heart, I truly had no idea what I was doing. All I knew was that if I did not get baptised, then I could not be saved. I had no idea about how to truly let God rule your life. I had no idea about the true salvation that Christ offers.

I tried to live a "good" young life, but I always had problems with sex. Not even that I was out having sex with everyone, but that I had sex with my boyfriends. I graduated from a private Christian high school. Afterwards, I went into a mission program, my boyfriend was in Ecuador and I was going to join him there. I wasn't in the program for the right reason, but I thought I could be. Some things happened, and I dropped out of the program, after just one year. (Well a counselor, who had been in the program for over 20 years, tried to take advantage of me.) I then went to ACU. My parents sent me there to find a "good Christian mate." I found my ex-husband. I was hurt, and just wanted to party and "live it up." I did not understand all that life was throwing at me. I didn't understand that Christ was there trying to lead me.

James 2:14ff, "What is the use in saying you have faith if you don't prove it by your actions? That kind of faith can't save anyone... Do you still think it is enough to believe there is one God? Well, even the demons believe this, and they tremble in terror! Fool! When will you ever learn that faith that does not result in good deeds is useless?" I never understood what this meant, I am still having issues with it. I couln't just walk through life, as I wanted. Even the demons believe in one God. I needed to change my heart. I had no idea about true salvation. Getting wet will not save you. I don't know, does saying you believe in Jesus save you? Is this all that He expects form you. These are good, but I think He expects more. He expects your heart!

I do not talk about this often, because it sounds like works, and I am still trying to sort through it. But He does expect things of us, once we believe. I have such a hard time with all of this. There is so much about God that I do not understand. I do feel like I am a new Christian. I have been raised hearing about Christ, but this is the first time that I have let Him rule my life. I feel like I have been drinking milk, my entire life, and I am just now mature enough to handle real food. Was it enough, though? Was the milk enough to get me into heaven, but not enough to live victoriously? This is something that I have no idea about. He does expect us to change our life. He does hold us to a higher standard, for He is in us in order to help us. He is the one that saves. All salvation is, is the cross. We do not have to do anything to earn our salvation. I know this, but then I don't know this. All that I do know is that I was lost and now I am found. I was living in death, and now I have life. I have made the choice to live in the victory that He died to give me. How thankful, I am for His Grace. How thankful, I am for His Patience. How thankful, I am for His Mercy. How thankful, I am for His Sacrifice.