Proverbs 31

I have had the opportunity, misfortune, of being in two marriages. In being in two marriages, I can see things differently and I can come from a different point of view than many others, because I have taken my past mistakes and learned from them. I would like to address the two marriages that I have been a part of, and try to help others see their role in marriage.

I truly believe that my first marriage could have been a marriage in which God was given honor. My ex-husband was very capable and had many talents. He wanted to know who Jesus was, but he had many obstacles that he needed to over come. I took the wrong approach with him, as his wife. I let him do most anything that he desired, without any regard for him or for me, much less God. I always supported him. I never stood up to him, in a godly way. With simple, little things, I agreed with him. For instance: when he was getting over weight; I never told him. When he needed a hair cut and shave; I never helped him. I never held him to a higher standard. If you do not tell someone the truth, when it is obvious, they don't just doubt you, but they doubt themselves. Instead of becoming the woman that God had intended me to become, I became this mousy, pathetic, mat. In return, he became what I created him to become. My expectations of him, were met.

I met my ex-husband in college. When we were first married, life was in front of him. He was walking with a confidence that couldn't be shattered. He had many things about him that needed more integrity, but he at least had confidence. I could very easily see the things that he needed help with, but I took a weak, subservient role with him. By the end of our marriage; he was a broken, shattered man. Of coarse, this was not all my fault, but I did my part in the destruction. In order to change, and not repeat mistakes, one must look truthfully at thyself. I was wrong in my first marriage. I was not seeking Christ and what He wanted for my life.

Proverbs 31, "Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is worth more than precious rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She will not hinder him but help him all her life... Her husband is well known, for he sits in the council meeting with the other civic leaders. ...Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the LORD will be greatly praised. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise."
In my marriage with Jason, everything about me, had to be different. I was determined, not to repeat my mistakes. While I did have many hurts and wounds to overcome, my eyes were looking to Christ and what He wanted in our life. I had learned a lot about men from my past. I had learned that they needed a challenge and that they needed to be able to conquer a task. Jason had many good qualities about him. He also had many weaknesses. I had to take on the role of the woman described in Proverbs 31, to the best of my ability. I had to be different, in order to help my husband and not hinder him.

My approach in marriage has greatly changed. I hold my husband to a very high standard, and he has far exceeded everything that I have expected. I try and help him overcome his obstacles, instead of burying them. I know that I am not the perfect wife and my husband is not the perfect husband. We work together in this marriage. Ephesians 5: 21, "And further, you will submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." Christ is the center, that we try to revolve around. As long as we are keeping Him at the center, we are working good for Him. When I take my eyes off of Christ, I become selfish and our marriage suffers. When Jason takes his eyes off of Christ, he becomes selfish and our marriage suffers. I have learned that I must take control of my life, and in order to do that, I must keep Jesus Christ as my center. It is not my husbands successes or failures that rule me; It is my LORD.

I have been a wife of little value to my husband. I have helped to destroy a marriage. I have been a wife of value to my husband. I have helped to build a wonderful partnership with my husband. Every marriage has the potential to be godly. You cannot look at only your spouse and their part in the relationship. You cannot change anyone; that is God's role. What you can do, is to look at your role, and are you living the part He has created for you. Both of my marriages had the potential for good; both had the potential for failure. I was the one that had to change. I really did not need different husbands, what I needed was Christ. I had to change.