Life in the Cross

I cannot give anyone an answer as to when I accepted Christ as my savior. I cannot tell you, if it was okay for me to live as I was living, or if I was truly turning my back on Christ and sentencing myself to death. I have always believed in Him. I have always wanted my life to be for Him. I did not understand how to live for Him. What I do know, is that I was miserable. I was selfish and I was alone. I chose to be alone, because I know He was always there waiting for me. I was not finding life in the way I was living. I thought that my relationship with my husband was all that mattered. I thought I could win him, by doing whatever he wanted me to do. I thought that what we did together in the bed room did not matter, as long as we both agreed. I thought he was my lord, he was not...

1 Thessalonians 2: 4, "Our purpose is to please God, not people. He is the one who examines the motives of our hearts." 1 Timothy 1:12, "How thankful I am to Christ Jesus our Lord for considering me trustworthy and appointed me to serve Him, even though I used to scoff at the name of Christ." I am not the judge for anyone on when they have truly turned their life over to Christ, for I cannot even figure out when the moment was that I did. I do know that I was dead in my sin, but now I live. How wonderful I feel, now that I truly am alive in Him.

I can tell you, when I finally decided to let the Holy Spirit control my life. It was Sunday, I was going to my mothers, I had an appointment with my acupuncturist on Monday. (God blessed me with Chinese medicine, in order to help my body live with MS). On the journey from Corpus Christi to Austin, I prayed fervently for God to intervene. I knew I had done everything wrong. I desperately needed Him to take over my life and lead me where He needed me. I arrived in Austin. My dad was visiting my mother, she was in school for me, he started in on me about how I needed to leave my husband. I told God that I did not want to tell my family about all that I had done. I needed more. I got it! My mother had me watch a movie called, The Hunt for the Unicorn Killer. It was my life, only I was not dead yet. She asked me point blank questions; one of them was, "was I stripping?" I couldn't keep turning God away. I surrendered and now, 7 years later, here I am. And how thankful I am.

Galatians 5:22ff, "But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives, He will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control... Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to His cross and crucified them there. If we are living now by the Holy Spirit, let us follow the Holy spirit's leading in every part of our lives. Let us not become conceited, or irritate one another, or be jealous of one another."

I truly have done nothing that I can brag about. The only thing I can take credit for, is finally waking up and listening to Him. My life is easy now, I live for Him. He has done everything for me. I can take credit for nothing. Oswald Chambers, "The great privilege of discipleship is that I can commit myself under the banner of His Cross, and that means death to sin. You must get alone with Jesus and either decide to tell Him that you do not want sin to die out in you, or that at any cost you want to be identified with His death." I am finally alive in Him.