Slave of Sin

In spending these few months in Focusing on Marriage, my previous marriage is something that I have to face. I have to look at the failures in my life to appreciate the rest. Trust me, I have been looking at the failures. I have been asked to be in a community play. In the play, I am in a small airport, stranded because of a snow storm, and my ex-husband happens to be stranded as well. In my blogs, I am dealing with my ex-life and in the play I am forced to bring the emotions to reality in order to play the part. None of this is easy for me. I am, on one hand, feeling very humble and thankful to God for blessing my life with Christ and His forgiveness; while at the same time in the play, I am having to play the part of a very unforgiving woman,who has been very hurt by her ex-husband.

Everything that has been brought to my immediate view, are my failures. I am looking them straight in the face and having to relive them, this is not easy... When I was married to my ex-husband, I failed miserably. In his sin of pornography and drugs, life for him was tumbling out of control, and I was its assistant. John 8:34, Jesus replied, "I assure you that everyone who sins is a slave of sin." I have truly lived the part of slavery.

For three years we were high every day, and if we did not have any drugs, we were obsessed with finding them. Sex and pornography were addictions that were destroying our lives. He was so consumed with pornography that normal sex was not an option for him. He was always getting me to tell stories and they were getting out of control. He was laden with rage and jealousy, but this is the high that he was desiring. He would have me tell him stories about being with other men and soon the stories were not enough, he wanted to watch. I offered him to let me be with another girl, for that was not as bad to me as being with another man. Other women did not do it, he wanted to watch me with another man. My counter to his wishes, I became a stripper. He could watch, but I wouldn't have to have sex with anyone else.

The Devil is the father of lies. John 8:44, "There is no truth in him. When he lies, it is consistent with his character; for his is a liar and the father of lies." I was bound in slavery. I was deceived by lies. I was a "slave of sin." I thought that I was doing what I had to do. I was obeying my husbands desires. What I could not see, was that he was a slave as well. We were in slavery together. The crazy thing is that we were choosing to live that way. No one was making me get up on stage and work those nights in the club. I was choosing it for myself. Sin does not take control of your life by force; you allow it, one day at a time. Then one day, you wake up, and are amazed at how your life has turned out so wrong. The lies have deceived you and your father is the Devil.

John 8:1-11, A woman is caught in adultery. she is brought to Jesus and her accusers wish to stone her. Jesus said, "All right, stone her. But let those who have never sinned throw the first stones!" The people began to leave, then Jesus turned to the woman, "Where are your accusers? Didn't even one of them condemn you? ...Neither do I. Go and sin no more." I was the woman. I should have been stoned. Christ had mercy on me. He set me free from my slavery. "Go and sin no more," live in peace be free with Me! I have no accusers, why would I be the one to pick up the first stone and direct it toward myself? Reliving my sin, my slavery, is not easy. But with the knowledge that He has paid the price; He died, because of my sin, instead of me; He took the hit for me; I can live free, because of His sacrifice. How thankful I am to Him, with every new day!

Thank you Jesus, I do not deserve your sacrifice; I deserve death. Thank you for giving me life!