Strength of a Man

I do not want to visit my past marriage any longer. I have spent long enough looking at my failures and my life when I did not let God take control... It was July, I had to get away and visit my grandparents in Colorado. I made enough money to pay the bills one month in advance; give my ex enough money to sustain him for two weeks; and to get to Gunnison, so that I could see my grandmother. I arrived here, high and knowing that I needed to escape. For the first week, I was just enjoying the quiet peace that my grandmother offered me. The next week was different, for I ran out of weed and I hit my knees. I had lived in a fog for so long that I was having a very hard time seeing my life. I spent many hours walking in the mountains alone, talking to Jesus and feeling Him holding my hand.

When my two weeks were over and I knew I had to return home, I felt like a different person. I wanted to live a different life. Change is always easier, until your home again. I returned home to a broken man, who had not had the experience that I had in the mountains. He was welcoming me home, but it was hard. I stayed there for almost two months, but God knew I had to get out. John 8:21, "You will search for me and die in your sin." I was too weak to resist. So like a whirl wind my family took me out of my life, and I was offered a new one. They let me choose where I wanted to stay for a while, so I chose Gunnison. I found peace with my grandmother, I needed her; Jesus was with her and I knew it!

After one month I was looking for drugs. I needed them. I hadn't been without them for more than a day or two for over three years. I didn't know who I was without the high and I was desperately searching for who I was. My grandparents attended a small church in Gunny and it was here that I met Jason, just one month after I had left my ex-husband. Jason was this scrawny little guy. He was 6' 2", but weighed in at only 125lbs. Trust me when I say that I was not attracted to him, I wasn't. I like big guys, really big guys, he was not! Out of God's infinite wisdom, my grandmother got Jason confused with his brother and told me that he had been into "marijuana." I was very interested in that, so when he came to the campground, that my grandparents were taking care of, I was very interested in spending time with him.

Very quickly I discovered that I had the wrong, right brother. If you can imagine my disdain for men, then you can understand that I had no interest in a relationship. So hanging out with this guy was not really my first option, but it was either him; my grandparents and their older friends, or this nasty man, that I had discovered who I could get high with. I wanted to change, and God gave me the best option, so I chose Jason.

I never could have imagined the strength, the security, the hope that I found in this "weak" man. Through this man, what I saw as strength was turned to weakness and what I saw as weakness was turned into strength. 1 Corinthians 12:1-10, "Jesus said, "My power works best in your weakness." Then Paul states, "For when I am weak, then I am strong." Jason helped me to discover the pure love of Christ and he helped to heal my broken heart. He is a man of God and because of that, he is truly the strongest man I have ever known. I owe him my honor and my respect. He is my husband and my lover. With his help my past filth has been covered. We have, together, grown in our relationship with each other and towards God. Now I can talk about my healing! How thankful I am for Christ and His sacrifice. Through Him I have found purity. I feel like a pure woman who is cherished by her Father and her husband. How awesome, this feeling is...