My heart, my heart—I writhe in pain!

Jeremiah 4:19-22, "My heart, my heart—I writhe in pain! My heart pounds within me! I cannot be still... Waves of destruction roll over the land, until it lies in complete desolation. Suddenly my tents are destroyed; in a moment my shelters are crushed... 'My people are foolish and do not know Me,' says the Lord. 'They are stupid children who have no understanding. They are clever enough at doing wrong, but they have no idea how to do right!'”

Oh how I know the waves of destruction all too well. The crazy thing is that you are rocking along, having fun, living it up. Then all of a sudden you look around and you are surrounded by death. You can't see how you got there, or how it got that bad. All you know is that your heart, your heart- you're writhing in pain! The walls of death surround you and your home, your shelter, is now destroyed. You have two options be a victim and blame someone else, anyone else, or you can admit to Christ how you have destroyed your own life. They're both hard, but only one brings you out victoriously.

When I first opened my eyes to how appalling my life had become, nothing hurt more. The easy way is the victim's way. But if I had stayed that way, I would still be living the same. You see my surroundings would have changed, my husband would be a different husband, my home would look different, but I would have stayed the same. The true problem lied within me. I could have very easily destroyed another. I could have kept lying to myself, but I tell you the truth; "The truth shall set you free."

I give Jason a lot of credit for how my life is different, but he is only a tool God used. Everyone has someone God is using to help their change happen. The question isn't, "is there someone in my life that can help bring me closer to God?" It is, "are you willing to accept that person's help?" I did not want Jason's help. I hated men! Why would I want a boy to help me! God will give you the help you need in the way it will help you the most. The last thing I was asking for was help from a guy. But I had been seeking God for some time now, even though my life didn't look like it. I knew that what I would have chosen would have been the wrong choice, so I knew I wasn't choosing this way. God was. Luke 11:9-13, Jesus said, “And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened." Because I had been crying out to God, asking Him, begging Him to help me; I knew Gunnison, Jason was a door He was opening for me. So I walked in obediently, kicking and screaming the whole way, but I still walked.

Everyone has an opened door in front of them. Everyone has someone there to help them through to the next room. The question is, are you willing to accept the help from the one God has giving you, even if that person is the last person you would want help from. I did not want help from Jason, but God used him to change my heart. For if my heart would not have changed, I would once again found myself looking around my home calling out, "My heart, my heart—I writhe in pain! My heart pounds within me! I cannot be still... Waves of destruction roll over the land, until it lies in complete desolation. Suddenly my tents are destroyed; in a moment my shelters are crushed." This is not how my story ends, for I finally accepted my responsibility and guilt. When I did this, Christ did the rest and changed my life. Here are the steps: Belief- Confession- Repentance= Change. Everyday...