Life of War

"Life without war is impossible..." (Oswald Chambers)

Do you ever get tired of the battle and just want a break. Last week my home came to a halt. My husband and oldest son had the flu. I was afraid I was going to get it as well, then the entire house would be quarantined and no one would be able to think, much less take care of the sick. One night I called in for back up/reinforcement/help, "Mom do you want to come stay with us?" She jumped and was here the very next day. She arrived with all of her herbs, needles, and books. We were going to war. Each of us were treated differently, but for the same reason. Jason had a very high fever and chills. Eric had a fever that ended up affecting his ear. William and I were given herbs to help block any incoming attacks and our bodies remained strong while the others battled to recover. Each one of us were on a healing path and when my mom's tonics were still not driving the evil out, she called our acupuncture friend here in town for other unknown properties she may have. Finally, my home is at peace.

"Health is the balance between the physical parts of my body and all the things and forces surrounding me. To maintain good health I must have sufficient internal strength to fight off the things that are external.... Morality is the same. Anything that does not strengthen me morally is the enemy of virtue within me... But we must fight to be moral. Morality does not happen by accident; moral virtue is acquired" (The law of opposition)

N.T. Write gives this example in his talk After you believe: why Christian character matters, If you go to the hospital to visit a very sick friend, you may say to yourself, "They are just a shadow of their former self. But if we are in Christ, we are a shadow or our future self." Our goal, our longing is to know Him more so that we can better reflect Him and who we are to become through Him. Our future self in Christ is but the shadow we see here. This is why our character matters. This is why we must always be facing His light. Anyone can learn a vice. It is in living with no purpose and no goal that we venture into the world unprepared for battle and discover that we have been grabbed by a vice. We no longer are free, but trapped by a hidden snare that we walked into freely. Virtue is the opposite. Virtue is doing what we must in the small things so that when it really counts we are prepared and can land smoothly without any casualties along the way.

"And spiritually it is also the same. Jesus said, 'In the world you will have tribulation...' (John 16:33). This means that anything that is not spiritual leads to my downfall. Jesus went on to say, '... but be of good cheer, I have over come the world.'"(O. C.) He also told us to be born again and follow Him. 

When a baby is born we do not expect it to be full of knowledge and able to run. No, it is cradled and carried for quite some time. Then as she grow she gets her strength. She begins her life of adventure and discovery. It is the same with people who have been baptized\born again. They are not supposed to just have everything together. We are in a state of constant growth and development. There have been studies on taxi drivers that show how their brains are in a growth process. As they use the part of the brain called hippocampus, the part that coordinates spacial reasoning, this area is significantly larger than most. They have developed over time and become a new person. We are to develop over time. We are to become a new person. We are to become more like our future self. Be patient with yourself. I must be willing to allow myself time. But in this time I must keep my focus clear so that I do not become trapped by a vice. We must be strong in character, developing more and more each day with purpose and strength. 

"When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.
Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love."

1 Corinthians 13:11

Love is not our duty, but our destiny! Our greatest command...

Deeds of the Heart

"....Now someone may argue, 'Some people have faith; others have good deeds.' But I say, 'How can you show me your faith if you don’t have good deeds? I will show you my faith by my good deeds.'...” James 2:14-26

We have gotten things so out of line in our Christian teachings. I grew up with the thought that I needed to be good for God to save me. Not that that is what I was told, but that is what I heard through my young hearts understanding. The hell and brimstone approach was not working for me. "Live good and you'll go to heaven. Be bad and you'll be punished, possibly right to hell." Then there is also the other approach, "You can do anything you like. God loves you and He doesn't care how you live." Is there a balance? Why does it seem that God loves "sinners" till they are saved, then He expects them to change and be perfect? Or the other, that He doesn't expect anything from us, but Jesus does it all and He doesn't care how we live now?

When I started to have a better understanding of God and His love, I started to respond differently to life. When scripture talks about your deeds, it isn't to earn anything.  I don't live differently to make God love me or to earn my salvation. I live differently to "thank Him." I live differently so others can see Him through my life.  Not that I live perfectly now, but everything I do, I try and put Him first in my actions. I try and be a good representative of Him.

I have no doubt that others have been offended by me, don't like me, think I do not do a good job in this or that. My initial reaction is usually not the appropriate reaction. I must take a moment and let Christ have His way with my heart. I'm judgmental and give up very easily on others. If I do not see a change of actions on their part, I give up on them and assume they'll never change. That is my first response. My hope is that others do not see my response, but that they see His response through me. I pray that He opens my heart and eyes to them, so that I can see Him working (no matter what they are doing). 

"It is a trap to presume that God wants to make us perfect specimens of what He can do- God's purpose to to make us one with Himself." Oswald Chambers, Christian Perfection

Do you see what I see? It's not about "them!" It's about me and my relationship with my God and how I respond to life. Do I allow Him to lead me and take control of my heart? Do I love Him when I am sick? Do I lean upon Him when I am well? 

"Oh God, help me to see you better today. Help me to respond with your love as I encounter your people. Help me to not judge with my eyes and let me have your heart. You are a good God and I am so thankful for Your jealous love for me. Help us Lord to live a life that responds to Your love for us with a thankful life response. Help us to live differently today. Help us to be a good representative for you in our work, in our home. Help us to love in truth, in Your truth. Thank You my Lord. In Jesus name, Amen."

Experiential Relevance

Do you ever ask the question, "Why do I believe what I believe?" And if we do ask ourselves this, then what is the answer we come up with? And is there any way to test this "belief"?

Ravi Zacharias gives us three tests for truth:

Logical Consistency- Are there any contradictions found in what we believe?

Empirical Adequacy- Does it have verifiable observations, practical experience/facts you can use in court?

Experiential Relevance- Does it work in real life?

These are the three truth tests, that I am not going to get into, but we all need to be familiar with. In our nights at LIVE we have been discussing these three applications. We cannot just come back with an answer of "your wrong, I'm right." We need to have communication skills when we visit about our faith and evidence to back it up with. We must be respectful of others and allow them to talk freely. But here I like to focus on Experiential Relevance. This is where we all have practical application, even if we do not realize it.

Last night we started our conversation with "suffering". On November 5 in Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, he discusses suffering. Now there are many different ways of suffering. I have suffered because of choices that I have made and I have suffered because of things that happened to me that were not part of my own fault at all. But they both fall under the title of "suffering." I have told my group for years now, "I wouldn't take any of it away." And I wouldn't! Now do not get me wrong. I do not like it when I am suffering. I wallow and I cry and beg God to take it away. But after the suffering is lifted I can see where my heart was led and for that reason alone I wouldn't change a thing. Every bit of my suffering has taken me back to God. This journey has been a life path for me to find my Lord. A journey that He has been in full knowledge from the beginning. Time for a story...

When I was a little girl, my family would camp at Lodgepole camp ground on the Taylor River in Gunnison Colorado. Right at the bend in the road stood an aspen tree that my father carved my initials JS. For years that tree stood. My husband also vacationed near Gunnison in a little mining town above Taylor reservoir called Tin Cup. My tree was his marker that "he was almost there" on his long drive from Oklahoma. When we met twenty years later the tree was removed because of some road construction. But we were both "there." Not that our journey was so that we would find each other, but that we would have a better understanding of God and His ways.

On November 7 of Oswald Chambers we read about The Undetected Sacredness of Circumstances. This is one of my hardest life lessons to learn from. Through all of my suffering, through all of my life experiences did God make me suffer? Did He wave His magic wand and wish bad for me? ...there is no such thing as chance. God by His providence brings you into circumstances that you can’t understand at all, but the Spirit of God understands. God brings you to places, among people, and into certain conditions to accomplish a definite purpose through the intercession of the Spirit in you.

God does not choose for me to hurt myself in my choices that I make.  But He does choose for me to always be able to see Him, often in hindsight, through the road that I have traveled and for me to see that He has always been there.  From the time that I was a little girl, God was with me.  I can see it in the tree that Jason and I were a part of.  Again, not so that I would find him, but that I would find Him.  It was through my suffering that I have discovered that I turned more toward God.  It was through my suffering that I found more relationship with the Christ and discovered that He relates to us through His suffering.  And the tie that bind's all of us together, is the travels through suffering that we all are a part of. 

This very small example is of experiential relevance in my own life. Can you see yours?  What is it in your life that you can point to Him and say, "But God..." Through the three tests of truth, if you still do not want faith, if you choose to not believe, no one can convince you. Often it is not about our will to believe that we struggle with.  Many times it is our will to disbelieve. When I begin to struggle and doubt, I turn to the three tests. My personal experience speaks loudest to my heart. But if I am determined to go my own way about something, I find that I can rely on unbelief to justify what I am doing. We all have faith in something. Even if we express it as, "I have no faith in anything. I don't even have faith in myself. Faith cannot be proven and I have no idea where I will end up." That statement is a statement of faith. You are putting your faith in the arena of agnosticism. This seems like a safe place, but in the end it leaves us with a feeling of unfulfillment. We are impotent in our life and have no meaning or mystery.  It is the mystery that keeps us looking.  It is the mystery of God that keeps us hungering for more.   It is the suffering of the cross that ties us all together and the majesty in mystery that keeps us hungering for more.

  

A Woman Called Mary

"As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, He came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to Him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what He said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:38-42)

I've grown up listening to teachings on the story of Martha and Mary.  They have all been the same; Mary was at Jesus feet being good while Martha was busy running around and getting the dinner ready.  Martha needed to slow down and see that she needed to be more attentive to Jesus and not so concerned about getting the things ready. This interpretation has never sat easy within my heart. The story of Martha and Mary needed more for me.  Several years ago I heard Beth Moore teach on this and my new world of understanding started to open. Lets give it a shot...

There is an interesting word choice here "Martha.... her sister called Mary." Most of us think of Jesus' mother Mary when we hear this name which means beloved. But I want to point out the wording in, why is she "called Mary"?  If she was called Mary, maybe this means that her name was really something different. Why was she called Mary? If you look up the root meaning of Mary we see that the name is derived from the Hebrew Miryam meaning Sea of bitterness, sea  of sorrow. Now this gives a new spin on things.

There have been years of my life where I felt the call of God to teach, to share my story for others, but what I have really been needing to do is to sit at Jesus feet for I was Mary.  In Oswald Chambers on October 10 we see that our relationship with God is always given, but our obedience is what allows us to hear Him.  These years of getting up early in order to spend time with my Christ have been years of sitting at His feet in order to heal my broken and bitter heart. Just now another piece has been healed so that I am slowly progressing to the faith of Martha as we see in John 11. Lazarus, Mary and Martha's brother, has been dead for four days.  When Martha hears of Jesus' arrival she runs to him and says, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.” Her brother was dead, but even then she still believes. Mary did not have the same reaction.  

Jesus had to send for Mary and when she, (looked at Him through yet another disappointment... through yet another person letting her down... through her bitter and broken heart...) she said, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” 

And "Jesus wept." Maybe he wept for their pain. He knows our pain. He know that with our limited vision and understanding that we hurt and suffer, but maybe he hurt more for Mary because she still had so little faith in Him. Maybe He cried more for a wound of distrust that has been placed on our hearts.  Maybe He is asking us to have patience with Him as He has with us.  Maybe, just maybe, we need to sit at His feet a little longer in order for our wounds to be healed so that we can see the miracles in front of us. Maybe, we give up on our God way too soon.

In Oswald on October 12 we see, "It is painful work to get in step with God and to keep pace with Him— it means getting your second wind spiritually. In learning to walk with God, there is always the difficulty of getting into His stride, but once we have done so, the only characteristic that exhibits itself is the very life of God Himself. The individual person is merged into a personal oneness with God, and God’s stride and His power alone are exhibited... He has different ways of doing things, and we have to be trained and disciplined in His ways... He has different ways of doing things, and we have to be trained and disciplined in His ways."

It took Moses forty years of living and learning in the desert, alone with God, before he was ready to lead God's people for another forty years through their own desert experience.  In this world we have times of hurt and times that seem like our Christ is silent. But we must never give up on Him, for this is when He weeps.  We keep moving forward and looking to Him. When others see you, do they see Mary? Do they see a wounded, bitter, rebellious broken heart? Are we giving ourselves time to heal or are we giving up on Christ? Do we trust Him? Martha is in a place of health and trust... I want to be Martha, but I want to see others as Christ saw the one called Mary. I want to be patient with them and allow Him to work on their hearts while they heal in their desert of wounds.

Insensitivity to Pain

Have you ever wanted this life to be painless? I have. I have wanted to go through life with no pain at all. Life hurts and that makes things hard, but I've heard of something that makes life harder, CIPA, congenital insensitivity to pain. It is a rare genetic disorder that prevents a person from feeling any amount of severe pain. They can feel warmth, but not severe heat; cold, but not severe cold. They can feel a pin prick, but not a knife spear. As I have read about this genetic disorder, I can be more grateful for the blessings of pain in my life. I am also more aware of how I have tried to shut my receptors off so that I did not hurt nearly as bad. We seem to all do this to some accord. We do not want to see life for how it truly is, so we hide behind something. Anything.

"Don’t you remember how you used to just exist? Corpses, dead in life,buried by transgressions,  wandering the course of this perverse world. You were the offspring of the prince of the power of air—oh, how he owned you, just as he still controls those living in disobedience. I’m not talking about the outsiders alone; we were all guilty of falling headlong for the persuasive passions of this world; we all have had our fill of indulging the flesh and mind, obeying impulses to follow perverse thoughts motivated by dark powers. As a result, our natural inclinations led us to be children of wrath, just like the rest of humankind.
But God, with the unfathomable richness of His love and mercy focused on us, united us with the Anointed One and infused our lifeless souls with life..." (Ephesians 2:1-4).

It seems as though I have walked through life wanting to avoid any pain, but do we ever really stop and think that maybe there is a gift in pain.  Ashlyn is a young girl who feels no pain.  Her family is in constant awareness that Ashlyn is in an ever present danger.  Her mother's constant prayer for her daughter is that she will be able to feel pain.  As a child, children with CIPA are self mutilators. They chew off their tongue, break bones without knowing it, put their hands in fire without feeling the effects.  This list of self mutilation continues until the children grow older and are taught to see the effects.  They do not know that jumping off of a roof can hurt/kill them and often, especially for boys, it is too late when they find out.  Life is very complicated without the guidance of pain.

Our youth and young adults are getting bombarded with the lies that "pain is bad." They are being taught to shut down some of their receptors that they are born with and live a life of self-mutilation. "Go and have sex with whomever you choose," they are told. "You need to experiment and see what is out there.... drink, smoke, who cares? As long as your not hurting anyone else it is fine." We are no longer teaching them to empathize, have sympathy for others, or to look at what they are doing to their hearts. We are teaching them to "do it again", until there is no feeling left. This is a glorious life of meaning, but it is not without tears.  It is hard to set aside those instant impulses of desire and look at what is truly best for us.  However, there is another side.  

Some of us live in the lie of self condemnation.  We take everything to the extreme of self judgement and feel the burden of imperfection. We feel responsible for every little infraction that occurs around us and walk around with gloom on our shoulders.  We have allowed fear to keep us from experiencing life.  We look at the "Ashlyn's" around us and secretly want a piece of their life.  They seem to have daringly gone out and experienced life.  We focus on their stories and want their adventures without pain. Painless seems good until we discover what it has taken for them to get to where they are. It is in looking closely that we can see, that seemingly protected heart is only a fragment left of a heart that has been plundered and ripped until their is only a callous left of its broken piece.  Neither extreme is a life lived, but "corpses, dead in life, buried by transgressions, wandering the course of this perverse world." Jesus did not come so that the bad would be good, but so that the dead shall live.  

We are all in the need of a Savior. We have a tendency to focus our attention to the "bad" and try to make them "good."  Is this fair?  I see "good" people walking around all of the time as dead corpses because they have no joy, but rules in this life. They have been afraid of others, and what they think. Neither extreme is good.  We need to be able to look at life and make good decisions for ourselves that bring good consequences, but we need to be able to have the right heart in this. I have changed my desires, because I have fallen in love with my life, because I have fallen in love with my Lord.  It is not because of pain, it has its place, but it is not the reason.  It took me years to start feeling again. That came out of obedience, before I could feel.  The reason I live the way I do is because through others I felt the true love of Christ.  Now it is my turn.  I live as I do because He loved me first and in turn I am to live my life in love with others and in the truth that sets us all free.

"He did this for a reason: so that for all eternity we will stand as a living testimony to the incredible riches of His grace and kindness that He freely gives to us by uniting us with Jesus the Anointed." Ephesians 2:7

Known by Love

I heard a new teaching for me.  RVL talks about how we are the temple. I used to think that we, individually, were the temple of God. But lets take another look. What if it is we, plural? "Upon this rock I will build my church." Matthew 16:18. Christ is the most important rock, the corner stone, and we are to be standing stones built together in unity to represent Him here, now. How are they to know us? How are people supposed to recognize us?  Is it because we do not live like others and go out getting drunk and having sex with everyone. Yes, but there is more.  It goes deeper.

One of the things that all of us have recognized about the "churches" is that none of them seem to get along.  There are different doctrines and beliefs within each individual church and they all seem to be claiming that they have the right way. It is within this separation that Christ is found guilty and the rest of the world is turned off by our own bile within our own mouths.  Do I agree with each church and their doctrines?  Do you agree with each person in your life? Of coarse we don't, but how do we handle those disagreements? It is only through respect and love that the essence of love can be seen.  

If we are the stones that are being built while we walk out our daily lives, we stumble and roll down hills that refine our sharp edges and break off some of our sharp corners. It is out in our daily life where we learn about love and learn what hate makes us feel like.  We love, suffer, and cry within our relationships with others. Each swipe with the chisel is carving us into the perfect stone designed specifically for each one of us. Then, what we are supposed to do is come together in worship of the same God who loves us perfectly. As we come together, we form the temple of the Most High God. It is not just about me.  I alone am not the temple, but I together with you, we form the temple. I am a stone, just one part of the entire body of the temple. You are one part that offers another color of the mosaic glass that glows as the Son beams in though and enriches the texture of His artwork. Each is vital to the whole.  Some seem to go unseen while others are right out in front. However, each is touching the world individually.  Each is indispensable in showing Christ to others.

Romans 12:9-21 helps us see how to love others.  This does not mean that we let others run all over us and treat us poorly.  Oswald Chambers   "Jesus did not commit Himself to man... for He knew what was in man." As we relate and join with others in this life, we do not give ourselves to them.  We give ourselves to Christ.  We love and join with Him in loving the world as He loved the world, but we do not give ourselves over to the world.  We give ourselves over to Him who loves us authentically and without blunder. That is where we feel true love. Then we can go and show His love to those we are in relationship with/good or bad. This gives us perfect love and helps us guard our hearts so that we are not devastated through life's wounds. We do not have to take their struggles and place their wounds within our own hearts. We do not have to react with how they treat us.  We can remain calm and at peace no matter the storm they are in. With His calmness upon our own hearts He can become known by our love. We are the stones that together build His temple, the church. Are we displaying His love while the world watches us? Not only will others know Christ within us by our love, but we will be known by Him through our love. It may just be that we each just need a few etiquette lessons ;) 

Following the Shepherd

We've been going to Hartman Rocks for our Tuesday nights with LIVE. It is a great location to sit and visit about our travels with God through the desert. Last night began with each of us naturally splitting off either going off on a rock climbing adventure, staying at the cars to change a diaper, or sitting next to the fire ring (as was my first choice). As we sat together listening to what was going on as the others did their things we noticed that the sound is amplified as they were speaking. We couldn't see where they were, but we could hear their voices. As the night came toward the time to get back together and start our nightly lesson everyone gathered in Buddha's Belly, a place surrounded by high cliffs. As we sat a faith lesson by Ray Vander Laan stood out to me.

In the deserts of Israel the Bedouin people find their homes and a place for their flocks. At night several different shepherds gather their flocks together in places like Buddha's Belly to be held and protected. As the night is falling upon them each shepherd speaks softly to her sheep as she leads them into the holding area for the night. She will guide them into the sheep fold along other flocks to spend the night held safely together by the high cliffs. It is in the morning that something awesome happens. Each shepherd goes out some distance and starts calling to her own sheep. They recognize their shepherd's voice and respond to her voice only. They do not just walk blindly out into the day, but are guided by a very familiar voice into their green pastures for the day.

"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me." John 10:27.

It is referenced all over the bible that the "Lord is my shepherd" and we are His sheep. If this is true it means that we are to know His voice and follow Him when He calls. We are to trust that He will protect us when the fear of darkness covers over us. We are to trust Him with today's green pastures.

There is a difference between sheep and goats as you watch them following their shepherd. Sheep usually stay very close to their shepherd, following her voice and footsteps, but goats tend to venture out further assuming they know of better grass. How often do I find myself in this exact situation, thinking that I may have a better way and find a little more sustenance if I go a little further up the mountainside to my own green pastures. We do this. It does not mean that we have stopped following our shepherd. We can still hear His voice, for in the desert sound travels far. Often we have gone just far enough that we have lost Him in our vision and this is when we seem to be wandering aimlessly. Haven't you ever done this! I have. Through all of the trials and heartache I have been through, I was always within ear shot of my Shepherd, but I was so far away from the flock that it appeared I was completely separated from everything that had life. It was within my heart cry that I could still hear the shepherd calling out to me. I wanted Him, but had to learn to actually follow His voice.

What part of the flock do we find ourselves in today? Each and every day He is calling out to us. He wants us to listen to His voice. It is in study and a continual self examination that we can look at ourselves and see where we are in the flock. From a distance it can become so easy to get other voices confused and start to follow the wrong voice all the while thinking that we are following the right one. This is why we must stay plugged in. It's not that I am afraid of ever going back and living as I once did, but now the stakes are even greater. I often find myself in the lead with many others following me. I must be sure that the voice I hear is pointing them in the right direction as well. But really we are all leading someone if we really think about it. Each of us within our own lives have someone watching us. We may not be able to tell when we are getting off track, but they may be able to. This is when they are to come in and gently lead us back. The question we must be willing to ask ourselves is: Are we willing to listen?

God Paraphernalia

Stonehenge, have you ever seen it and wondered why it is there?  Why are these stones left here in this place?  What were people doing and why were they doing it?  
Places like Stonehenge leave us questioning why?  
Any time anything happened where there was a great deliverance for God's people they too arranged stones as a remembrance, so that when their children saw the stones they would ask, "Why?" But, so often we are a people who want to forget.  We do not want to remember "when".  We think that in forgetting, we are freed. I must disagree.  It is in the remembrance that we find freedom and where we can see how wonderful God really is. 

"And you are living stones that God is building into his spiritual temple," 1 Peter 2:5.

When you venture out into the wilderness and see a small circle of rocks, you do not ask the question "why?" You already know that you are seeing a fire pit assembled by people before you.  When  we see people wearing "Jesus" t-shirts, have a fish bumper sticker, or a number of other "God paraphernalia" we do not ask "why?" We assume they believe in God/go to church somewhere.  But what are we called to do?  Are we called to wear symbols or have it written on our shirts that we love Jesus, or are we to live as Christ, the cornerstone?  Maybe we choose the easy symbols so that we do not have to get personal.  We choose the symbols so that we can have an identity without having to build relationships, so that we can proclaim with an advertisement rather than our lives.  We may do this to set ourselves apart. Then we do not have to get personal and share with others our life, or get into theirs.

In 2 Peter 1, there are eight traits that are brought up; faith, virtue, knowledge, discipline, endurance, godliness, affection, and love. I think that we need these traits so that we do not become overwhelmed and cynical giving up on others and ourselves.  Not as a reference on judging, but as a guide to love and building of relationships. A guide so that we can remember "when" within our own lives.  

Short and simple: Are we wearing "God paraphernalia", or are we living stones?  Are we being asked, or do people just assume? Are we setting ourselves apart so that we are really just trying to connect with the "churched", or are we building relationships in the middle of life and in that building of life are we being asked "why?" How are we walking out this journey of life?

Some may assume that I enjoy talking about my past, but really what I enjoy is talking about my past so that I can share with them where I am now and let them see my Christ.  It is my stone that shows others God.  It is my stone that helps me remember "when" so that I can love others in their now.  It does not matter if you have come from the desert, or have lived a pure and morally upright life all along. What matters is that people are seeing God in us and are asking "why?"  Am I different because Christ is my Cornerstone and I resemble Him? Am I loving others, or driving them away while trying to set myself apart before relationships can be formed?

It is not bad to have the "God paraphernalia", but why do we have it?  Why is the question of the day.... 

Desert Thriving

"The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters,
He refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for His name’s sake.
Even though I walk
through the valley of death,
I will fear no evil,
for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff,
they comfort me..." (Psalm 23)

What is the image you see as you read this?  What are your visions and expectations that run through your mind and heart? I used to see Ferdinand the bull, the children's book.  A peaceful day of laying in belly deep alfalfa with birds singing and the aroma of summer erasing every care.  This is what I used to see until I started to listening to Ray Vander Laan a man who takes you on adventures through Israel and the footsteps of Jesus. 

As Ray was watching the Bedouin people leading their sheep through the desert.  He turned and asked his guide, "What do the sheep eat? Are they rock eating sheep?"  His guide laughed and quoted the Psalm about the green pastures.  Every night a strong east wind comes through the desert bringing in moisture from the sea. With this moisture that collects behind the rocks, small sprigs of grass rise from the ground, about four inches tall. As long as the sheep stay with their shepherd they will be safe and led to their green pastures and be fed for that day.  When the sun brings heat upon the land it dries up the grass and with each new day, new grass will appear. 

"He leads me beside quiet waters," what is the vision you have here?  My vision is Mirror Lake.  Water so deep and quiet you can see every insect make its ripple as it lands upon the water.  This is not the image Ray paints for the desert water.  A wadi is a river bed that is usually dry, until it rains and floods during the rainy season.  If you do not know about the flood danger and find some still water in this bed, you may be in great danger of a flash flood, but the Bedouin people have a system that will keep their shepherds and flocks safe.  Quiet waters refer to waters that are safe and will not kill you if your shepherd is close.

We are a blessed people.  I am a very blessed woman, but I often see things through the wrong eyes.  My vision may need to be broadened. We see life from the eyes of green mountains full of green valleys.  Then when the deserts of life are upon us we seem to crumple and wilt under the heat.  I have had MS for 19 years.  It has been a journey that has taken me to places and discovering things about life and God that I probably would never have tried for without it.  I recently went on a new adventure with stem cell therapy through StemGenex.  Most of my 19 years with MS have been years in survival mode.  

For example: Tuesday nights I have LIVE with my young adults.  Before LIVE I spend most all day Tuesday reserving every bit of energy I can by sleeping most of the day.  Then Wednesday, I don't leave the house.  I'm in recovery.

Thursday I usually go up to Crested Butte and take care of our properties we have through our real estate business.  Thursday afternoon is spent in recovery. Friday is usually my laundry day where I fold most all of the clothes I have washed during the week.  Time spent on the couch folding, watching a movie, sleeping.  Life has been a time of precious energy spent and much recovery "time wasted".  

I have always thought that I was missing out on the blessings of God, but through a little different vision, actually I have been learning to follow my Shepherd to my green pastures.  I have survived this long, not without suffering and trials, but in-spite of them.  I have a joy that no one is allowed to take from me, a joy that I can only give away if I stop looking in the right direction.  I will not fear the valley of death for my God is Always with me.  I will be comforted and He has blessed me more than I ever imagined.  After my treatment I have more energy now than I ever remember. I no longer feel I am in survival mode. This is huge in my world, but it has taken much time and endurance to get here.  But this journey with my new treatment has just begun, the next nine months will reveal more and I cannot wait to take that new fresh taste. 

Set Apart

Do you ever have the feeling of "why me?"  We can all feel like we are set apart in what is expected of us.  For me, it is in food.  Why do I have to eat differently than everyone else?  Why can't I indulge by eating just one cookie? But it can be in other things as well.  We can all look around us and ask ourselves those seemingly simple question, but often if we are honest with ourselves, those questions are the ones that haunt us within every detail of our lives.  It is very easy to carry this thought and place others under our own restrictions.  We can look at them and hold others to our same standards. Easy example is food.  Because of my mothers diligent study in the dietary arena, I know more than I ever wanted to about food and how eating affects our health. (Doug Kaufman is somewhere you should look if you are interested in why we often suffer.)  Anyway, because of my health and what I now know, I can watch my husband eat and know when he is not going to feel well the in the next couple of days. When this does happen and I prove right, it is very hard for me to not hold it against him for how he partook in certain foods prior to him getting ill (migraine, fatigued, ect.). We all do this on some level.  We often hold others accountable to our standard and knowledge.

Acts 15, Their peace was disturbed, however, when certain Judeans came with this teaching: “Unless you are circumcised according to Mosaic custom, you cannot be saved.”  The placing of rules and customs upon others is so easily done.  There are so many rules we hold upon others that keep them from ever seeing the goodness of God.  Why do we do this?  It is so hard to look at others and Not go there.  We expect them to keep the same rules we hold.  "...God knows the human heart, and He showed approval of their hearts by giving them the Holy Spirit just as He did for us. In cleansing their hearts by faith, God has made no distinction between them and us. So it makes no sense to me that some of you are testing God by burdening His disciples with a load that neither our forefathers nor we have been able to carry. No, we all believe that we will be liberated through the grace of the Lord Jesus—they also will be rescued in the same way."  

What does God have that we don't? Patience.  We don't think that we, or they, have time, so we aren't patient.  Often we we heap rules upon others because we know the outcome of their choices.  But, why do we try to "protect" them from that end result?  Don't we trust God enough to allow Him to deal with their heart?  Don't we know Him and how he has taken care of us, then why would He not take care of them?

This thought about expectations takes a spin in the every next chapter, Acts 16.  "...but there was a problem: although Timothy’s mother was a believing Jew, his father was Greek, which meant Timothy was uncircumcised. Because the Jewish people of those cities knew he was the son of a Greek man, Paul felt it would be best for Timothy to be circumcised before proceeding."  Why when he just scolded the Jewish leaders for putting this burden on others, does he now put it on Timothy?  It is expectations!  What were the expectations of Timothy?  Why would he be held to a more rigid standard? What was his goal in all of this?  

For many are not called to be teachers.  Not everyone is held to the same standard.  Some know God, they have faith, but they are not ever going to be in the spotlight as God's emissaries.  What does this mean for you and for me?  I am constantly reevaluating my role in God's service.  The whole "why me" thought takes a backseat to what I really want for my life.  I want to be a ambassador for Christ. I want others to be able to see my life and see a life worthy of the calling, so why do I go there.  Why do I ever feel sorry for myself and why would I hold others to the same standards?  Often it is because I loose focus.  If I keep my eyes upon my Lord and my relationship with Him as my focal point, I won't be swept up in the judgement and drama of others.

How does drama enter into my life?  It is never about me, but in me focusing on others.  I start pointing my finger at them and seeing what they are or are not doing.  I forget that what is expected of one may be different from what is expected in another.  It doesn't mean that anyone is better than the other, but that we each have our own calling and role to play in this life.  There are only two rules we need to keep, all of us regardless of our calling.
"You should love the Eternal, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.' The second great commandment is this: 'Love others in the same way you love yourself.' There are no commandments more important than these." 
No matter what our role is to be in this life, are we living our life in fulfillment of these commandments?  How are we doing here?  Its Not about others, but about ourselves.  This is the hardest thing to focus on.  
Liberty and the Standards of Jesus, this was yesterdays Oswald.  Last night at LIVE we discovered that we shouldn't hold our own standards upon others. We each have a calling.  Can we focus on God and ourselves?

Spirit of Truth

I've noticed something about church and baptism.  The longer I have been involved with this whole church setting and watched people get baptized the more I have noticed a definite struggle afterwards.  It seems to always come. People will be doing so good with God.  They will be on fire. Reading what they should read, watching what they should watch, having a true life changing life, then they get baptized and "fall away".  I've always thought it was because they were attacked by Satan more afterwards.  I'm not so sure I was right.  

Welcome to a recent revelation/understanding, a thought process that I am still processing.  This past Sunday, I was reading in Acts and came across something that held me pause for a moment.  "8:15-16...They were especially eager to see if the new believers would receive the Holy Spirit because until this point they had been baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus but had not experienced the Holy Spirit." (Pause)
What is it about the Holy Spirit?  When people get baptized, do they have to keep searching?  Was their confession of God not enough?  What more do we have to do?  I thought that God did everything?  Do we have to know the mysteries of the Holy Spirit, speak in tongues, cast out demons, heal the sick?  What more do I need to do? Are these acts separate acts?  Can they be linked?  What is it that I need to understand better?

Then I moved on.  A short pause very early in the morning that got my heart and mind ready for my answer later that day.  I didn't know that my questions on baptism and the Holy Spirit would come, but they did.  At church Pastor Steve was in Acts, no coincidence since that is what we are studying together as a whole.   While he was teaching he took us to several other places in John... 14:16-17, "I will ask the Father to send you another Helper, the Spirit of truth, who will remain constantly with you. The world does not recognize the Spirit of truth, because it does not know the Spirit and is unable to receive Him. But you do know the Spirit because He lives with you, and He will dwell in you." 15:26-27, "I will send a great Helper to you from the Father, one known as the Spirit of truth. He comes from the Father and will point to the truth as it concerns Me. But you will also point others to the truth about My identity, because you have journeyed with Me since this all began." 16:12-14, "I have so much more to say, but you cannot absorb it right now. The Spirit of truth will come and guide you in all truth. He will not speak His own words to you; He will speak what He hears, revealing to you the things to come and bringing glory to Me. The Spirit has unlimited access to Me, to all that I possess and know, just as everything the Father has is Mine. That is the reason I am confident He will care for My own and reveal the path to you."

Why does it appear that newly baptized individuals struggle?  Why do they have such a hard time?  Is it because Satan is attacking them? I used to think so, but this answer is different than any I had ever received.  I don't think it is only because Satan turns up the heat.  I think it could also be because the Holy Spirit is revealing truth to us and there is nothing harder than looking at the truth within our own hearts. How do we handle that truth?  I think we often believe it.  This is when it appears we have "fallen away."  We know this truth about our own hearts and instead of accepting that truth and allowing God to do a mighty work with us, we give up and accept our ugly truth in the name of failure, and step away from the body of Christ.  "Work out your own salvation"... Work....Work is the key.  It does not come easily.  Yes, being saved is easy, but the rest is hard work and this is where most of us give up and think we cannot continue.  

I have been baptized (fully immersed with water) twice in my life.  The first time was when I was 12.  I really did not understand or have the right heart. I was doing it because I was told that if I didn't, I would go to hell.  Not true... Not ok... Anyways, the next time I was 33.  I had already been going through the whole Truth thing.  I had spent years looking at who I had been, discovering God and His true love for me, looking at the truth within my own heart, looking at who I was without Him, looking at Him... on and on it went, but all of it looking at Truth and accepting Him.  Truth, "He comes from the Father and will point to the truth as it concerns Me. But you will also point others to the truth about My identity, because you have journeyed with Me since this all began."  Before we are ready to start on the journey of pointing others to the Truth about God, we must first be willing to accept the truth He is revealing to us, about us.  My truth did not come just when I was baptized, but it came in between my baptisms.  It was not some miraculous slaying of the Holy Spirit, but The Spirit of Truth that I had to accept so that I could be of more use to God and His Kingdom.  

After we have accepted The Spirit of Truth there should be evidence of that acceptance.  I believe the first part of that evidence lays within this Spontaneous Love for others.  It is having Mercy for them, the way God has had for you.  It is in accepting them, not as they are, but as they could be with God.  It is in the ability to set your own thoughts and desires aside and allow His Love to be felt through you, passed on to them.  But it all starts with The Spirit of Truth.  Are you willing to accept the truth God is showing you today about your own heart?  Are we ready to move on to the rest God has for us and through us?

Side note.... I am in no way a Theologian on the Holy Spirit!  This is just a fraction of the mysteries of the Holy Spirit as was revealed to me.  Always, the question we should be asking ourselves....
Are we willing to look at Truth within ourselves, with God.  Can we look closely enough so that He can do a mighty work within us?  

"I Do"

What do you think of when you hear the phrase, "I do"?  This past weekend was Easter Sunday, while we were at church I kept hearing "I do".  I was one of the ones that said "I do" as part of a beautiful baby dedication/baptism.  It was a phrase that was heard throughout the sanctuary as others, including the baby's momma (the baby that I held nestled in my arms), were baptized (fully immersed in water, a choice made as a commitment to God).  "I do", a commitment phrase that was heard around the world on Easter as people were pronouncing their belief that Jesus Christ is Lord.  "I do" a commitment phrase heard around the world every day as others are getting married and committing themselves to stay with their mate they have chosen: For better or worse, Richer or poorer, Through sickness and health.  A promise, a commitment, to serve and to love.  What have we committed our-self to? What are we dedicated to as we live our day to day life?

Sadly, I have been married two times to two very different men in two very different ways.  I have written in more detail on my first marriage in "Sin's False Love", so I will spare you and me both from that road trip for now.  In that marriage I committed myself to a man and he became my lord, and because of that commitment to a man, we both fell apart.  This time I am married again, but the commitment is different.  My commitment is to Christ first, then to my marriage.  When Jason and I were married we had within our vows that we were confident that God had chosen the other for us.  We were confident and made our declaration to God to be focused on Him first, then our marriage within this new family, second.  Two very different commitments. Two very different lives. One filled with Christ as the center, the other with relational infidelity ruling us. Commitments just the same, one that was self serving adultery and the other a servant that is full of abundant life.

Easter weekend, a very big weekend indeed!  Christ went to the cross as an atoning sacrifice, a sin offering.  He lived gallantly and died with sin on display before the world.  Colossians 2:15, "He disarmed those who once ruled over us—those who had overpowered us. Like captives of war, He put them on display to the world to show His victory over them by means of the cross." Then after He rose He gave all of us a charge.  Mark 16:15, "Go out into the world and share the good news with all of creation. Anyone who believes this good news and is ceremonially washed (in water baptism) will be rescued, but anyone who does not believe it will be condemned."  At the end of all of the gospels is a charge to all of us to go out and tell our live's story, so that His story is revealed to the world, our world that we are each a part of. In Jonh 21, Jesus appears to His disciples and asks Peter three different times, "Do you love me?" All three very hurt-felt moments on Peters confession of his love for his Lord, he says, "Yes Lord, You know I love You."  Then Jesus' charge, "Feed My sheep, look after My people, share My story." We are each called to go alone on this journey. It is our personal journey that we must do alone, Oswald Chambers. 

I thought I would sleep in this morning.  I thought that since I went to bed around 12:30am, that I would be able to sleep till at least 7am.  I am not bragging.  I am not saying that everyone must get up at 5:30am, but I am saying that my alone time with my God was calling.  I hear His voice better in the morning, before my boys awake, before life distractions take my focus, but even with this I must be careful.  Do you Worship the Work?  Must I have "my time with God"?  Often, I have discovered that my alone time "with God", can become a work, if it is interrupted, I do not live as someone in love with Christ.  "I worship my time with my coffee" is more like it. Every moment of every day, I must call myself to refocus.  I must commit myself to be committed to Him and what He is showing me in that moment, where I should walk, who I should show His love to.  It is when my heart is being selfish that I discover I am living in "sin" no matter how good it may appear on the surface.  I am saying this because this past Easter Sunday, my alone time with my coffee was interrupted.  I call it my coffee time, because my focus was not on my God at all, but on a time of day to be quiet with my coffee. If that interruption destroys my story about my "changed" life with Christ, my focus is taken off of Him and how I am to show His love to others, die to myself, and rise new with Him.  It is distorted and relational infidelity is the result. The Habit of having No Habits

Are we able to live in focus with our God?  Have we made that commitment with our own lives and are we following through with that commitment?  He has proven His love for us.  He felt it well worth it to live as one of us.  He did not come to be one of us in the glory and "easy" life, but He chose to be born in poverty, to be baptized to show part of His obedience, to die a disgraceful death upon a cross.  But all of it, His whole life and ours, is about the Resurrection to a New Life, and that is well worth living for.  It is about disarming that power that once ruled over us and living free with Christ as our ruler.  Who/what is your ruler?  Where is our commitment today?

Son of Man, a Second Touch

Mark 8:22-37, as we begin this journey through a second look into a very similar story please read the links, so we can follow my random thoughts easier! The healings that the Christ preforms are usually instant and full. This time a second touch is needed. "Can you see anything?" Jesus asks. "Yes, I see people but they look like trees." Again Jesus touches him and asks if he can see. This time the healing was complete. Mark gives us this story as a possibility that we may need to look again. Look this time and see what we can find new and complete...

Who is Jesus the Christ? What are our expectations of Him? What do we expect to happen with our own lives by being called His followers?

Jesus asked them, "Who do you say that I am?" Peter's reply, "You are God's anointed the Liberating King.... the Messiah."

With this answer came expectations. They expected the Messiah to be a political leader, a conqueror, to set them free from their Roman oppressors. In His own explanation of Himself Jesus said much differently.

I, the "Son of Man must suffer many terrible things and be rejected by the elders, the leading priests, and the teachers of religious law. He would be killed, but three days later he would rise from the dead."

We suffer. We have trials. We have sadness and loss. Jesus came as the "Son of Man". He came to suffer with us, for us, and to conquer death that is ever trying to trap us. As the Son of Man He has demonstrated the way and we are to follow Him there.

“If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake and for the sake of the Good News, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?"

Mark 14, Go to Link!

Why did all of this happen? Did the woman really understand what she was doing? Did she know that she was preparing Jesus for burial? I think she was showing Him appreciative love. She was grateful for how He had helped her. It doesn't say how He had touched her, but we know that she loved and appreciated Him.

A look at Judas... We know that Judas was part of the 12, but we know that he still had deceit in his heart. He stole from the money that he was in charge of. He didn't embrace Jesus and His teachings on love. He saw Jesus the way that most saw Him, a conqueror. I don't think that Judas really knew what He was doing. I think he believed Jesus to be the Messiah, but his understanding of what that meant was off. I think that he was trying to force his belief. He was forcing Jesus to take a stand and battle. He wanted Him to reign and defeat his enemy. When this did not turn out how he thought it should have, he felt great remorse and begged for the money to be taken back. He wished he had never been born and killed himself for what he had done. He wasn't willing to follow Jesus all the way until the end to see how things would turn out. He turned his back on life and ended it in suicide.

A look a Peter.... Peter was ready to die in battle. He was prepared to go into battle with Jesus like Strider was prepared to battle for Froto in Lord of the Rings. But Jesus wanted them to understand differently. He was battling with them by being one of them! He was the true Son of Man and He was going all the way in suffering, to death. I don't think Peter really denied Jesus, but he was confused on what he was supposed to do. He was ready to draw his sword, but he was told not to. He heard that death was coming, but didn't understand the way. His denial was said in confusion.... not in true denial, when he realized what he had actually done, he left sorrowfully. He couldn't believe the reality of his words. They were true and he had actually (in misunderstanding) denied his Lord.

What are my expectations with my Christ? I have begged and pleaded for healing for over 19 years. I now see a way through intelligent design, through stem cells that have been laying dormant for all this time, just waiting to be awoken. I am counting on this healing, a fresh start in life. But what if my healing doesn't come? What if it doesn't work the way I see? Am I going to give up on life? Am I going to commit emotional suicide? Am I going to deny my Lord, because of my confusion?

I have been on this journey too long to give up now. This is not about what I want or what I can get out of this Jesus thing. It is about my true belief in my God. Can I go with Him, even if it is through suffering unto death? Can You Come Down from the Mountain? Can I stand with Him no matter where He is taking me, no matter what my understanding may be?

Communion with God

"He was despised and rejected—
a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief.
We turned our backs on him and looked the other way.
He was despised, and we did not care." Isaiah 53:3

Last night we covered chapter 24 of The Story.  There are so many parables and teachings from Christ within this one chapter.  I will attempt to pull out just a few.  First there is the story of the sower and his seeds.  Which I have previously blogged about in Fertile Soil. So I will move on to the Lost Coin and Prodigal Son, these are my hearts tug this morning as my heart aches for the missing one.
"Whoever has ears to hear, let them hear."
Luke 15, “Suppose a woman has ten silver coins and loses one. Won’t she light a lamp and sweep the entire house and search carefully until she finds it? And when she finds it, she will call in her friends and neighbors and say, ‘Rejoice with me because I have found my lost coin.’ In the same way, there is joy in the presence of God’s angels when even one sinner repents.”

Rejoice with me for I have found what I had lost.  Share with me, have relationship with me.  Laugh with me for what I thought was gone has been found.  Lets celebrate together as family and friends... that calling, relationship.

"To illustrate the point further, Jesus told them this story: “A man had two sons. The younger son told his father, ‘I want my share of your estate now before you die.’ So his father agreed to divide his wealth between his sons.

A few days later this younger son packed all his belongings and moved to a distant land, and there he wasted all his money in wild living. About the time his money ran out, a great famine swept over the land, and he began to starve. He persuaded a local farmer to hire him, and the man sent him into his fields to feed the pigs. The young man became so hungry that even the pods he was feeding the pigs looked good to him. But no one gave him anything.

When he finally came to his senses, he said to himself, ‘At home even the hired servants have food enough to spare, and here I am dying of hunger!  I will go home to my father and say, 'Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired servant.’

So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. His son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son.’

But his father said to the servants, ‘Quick! Bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger and sandals for his feet. And kill the calf we have been fattening. We must celebrate with a feast, for this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found.’ So the party began."

So many focus on the son and what he had done.  The son told his father that he no longer counted him as alive and that he was going to live with his inheritance as if his father were already dead.  While this is a very strong message, the father is even more distinct in the Eastern cultures.  If a son ever does this to his father and shows him such lack of respect, the father counts him as dead and will never talk to him again, but this is not what has happened.  Instead, the father runs and embraces his son while he is still a long way from home, brings him back within his protective embrace.  He doesn't ask for an explanation.  He doesn't need to hear what has happened. He is content with his son being there and willing to love again.

God has been portrayed in so many ways.  He is vengeful, jealous, condemning, the list to the outsider can go on and on.  I have been the child that leaves, I have been the betrayer, but I have never experienced any of these things from my God.  I know a God that only wants that relationship with us.  He is begging us to have Communion with Him.  That relationship that nothing else will ever fill.  For without Him we are ever seeking, but never finding.

Communion with God, it is never about who I am or what I have done wrong, but about Him.  That bread and wine, His body and blood.  We taste, smell, touch, feel His presence.  It is a moment of worship that fills our ever reaching hearts desire.  Empty Stomachs that need the filling of His presence. "Whoever has ears to hear, let him hear." It is in the hearing that we are able to finally see.  The depths of this simple act are more profound than we will ever truly know.  The more I get to know my Christ, the more in awe I am of Him.  He is richer, has more depth, is soft in the core and has every flavor the senses can reach.  He is about relationship.  The more I discover of Him, the more intoxicated I become.  I want to smell His smell. Touch and taste His goodness.  I want to sit at His feet and allow Him to be the only voice I can hear.  This relationship is long suffering, but He is ever present.  

He must feel like He is watching the grass grow as I work out my own insecurities.  For relationships scare me.  What if I give Him my heart and in the end, find I have been the fool?  What if.... But my what if's, have only left me more alone and miserable than I ever want to experience again.  I need this relationship.  I need to have Communion with my Lord. 

Every true relationship takes time, in small pieces we take a bite.  If we sat at a huge banquet table and discovered that we had to ingest every ounce of the food that was present, at first it may seem wonderful, but we would soon discover that those delicacies overwhelmed us.  It is in the small bites and swallows that we can better digest our Lord. For He is much too big for any of us to receive all at once. 

Are we willing to give Him a second chance?  He is ever waiting and watching for us.  He is ever patient with us and our timing. Even if by what others perceive, "it is like watching the grass grow", for many times it is not what we can see, but what is actually happening beneath the surface.  Truly wonderful relationships take time and patience.  They are the ones that have our hearts. This is Communion with God... Feel, Taste, Touch, Smell, Hear, and See His Goodness.

The Glory that is Unsurpassed

It is all perspective.  For God, it doesn't seem long to sit, watch, and wait for the the grass to grow.

My Nehemiah

We all have those moments of great appreciation that comes flooding in unannounced. They can be so overwhelming. This happened to me yesterday morning as I was sitting in my window seat reading Nehemiah. Now if you know the story of Nehemiah, your probably wondering why? Its not a story that would usually bring tears as your reading, but the flood gates were open for me. But before I tell my story, I'll catch you up with his...

Nehemiah was a man who was part of Israel's captivity years. He was cup bearer for the king who now ruled his people. He discovered that his beloved city and it's wall was still in shambles and desired to go and rebuild it. The king showed him favoritism and sent him on his way with his written blessing and men to help him. When he got there he saw that the work was great and he discovered that his opposition from others was even greater. He set up men for battle and men for rebuilding. In short, they got the enormous job completed in only 52 days.
But it wasn't until I started reading toward the end that the story started taking hold in my life. Nehemiah had left after the rebuilding, thinking that everything would be fine now that the city was back in order. When he returned he discovered that the law had not been kept, the people were not holding the Sabbath holy, and the people were once again entering into marriage with foreign women. He flipped his lid! "So I confronted them and called down curses on them. I beat some of them and pulled out their hair." (13:25)  Nehemiah freaked, for right before that the people remembered how they had turned from God and lost their way and here they were doing it again.

This ending portion, that is most often overlooked because of the building of the great wall, is the part that I could hear God talking to me most.  Just like the people who had rehearsed their story of their past and had seen how faithful God had always been (9), and vowed to live differently (10:30ff), now it was my turn to see.  

My mom, she has always been there fighting for me.  She saw the death sentence in front of me when I was diagnosed with MS.  She was a RN, and had many MS patients.  She knew what I had to look forward to.  

Now this brings me to my first example.  I was about 21 and I had just been diagnosed.  In this time, I had turned my back on God and had decided to "live".  A friend and I had gone outside during the middle of the night to smoke.  My mom caught us after we were washing our hands to get the smoke smell off.  My mom freaked out!  She grabbed me and pushed me up against the wall yelling at me in hysterics over smoking a cigarette. 

My next example: after my family had done their intervention and taken me out of my first marriage, I immediately was in another relationship with my current husband (a whole other story for another time).  Jason and I were at my grandmother's house laying on a bed talking.  Nothing was going on, but my mom again freaked.  She called me into the bathroom where she started to scold me harshly.

These are just two examples that come into my memory, but trust me, there are many.  I had always seen my mom as way out of line, over bearing, in my space, trying to control every aspect of my life.  As I was reading Nehemiah I started seeing differently.  My mom could see where I had been and she knew its the small steps that take you to great destruction.  It is also the small every day steps that can bring you to great repair.  I have been in a battle for 19 years. During this time, I have been the people who would do well while others are there helping, but as soon as the leader is away, things start to go back the way they were.  I forget the promises I have made and start living as I see others live around me.  I choose life!  I have always chosen life, its just that, now I can see what truly brings me life.  I have to do the small things now so that I will be able to enjoy this life tomorrow.  My mom is my Nehemiah! She has always been the one with the vision.  She has always been the one doing the research and finding the right healing path for me at that time in my life. She was a RN, so we did the shots for MS.  Then she became an acupuncturist and herbalist, so I did Chinese medicine.  Then she discovered Doug Kaufmann's diet Know the Cause.  Now we are venturing into adult stem cell treatments Stem Genex.  All of which has been my mother's stead fast obedience and building even when no hope, no life, no appreciation could be seen.  My mom is my Nehemiah and I can't thank her enough for her diligence in my life.

Do you have a Nehemiah in your life?  Have you thanked them for all of their hard work?  Have you let them know that it was their constancy that kept you going? Are you Nehemiah for someone? If you have that vision, don't give up. It has been 19 years for my mom to truly be appreciated.  But the tears flow in gratitude for her seeing faithfulness that has kept me walking step by (back) step along this journey.  Thank you Mom for never giving up, even when I had...

I LOVE YOU  

Adult Stem Cell

I have been accepted to participate in Adult Stem Cell study.  I wanted to give you the web site of the place that I will be going to for this treatment.

Where you find intelligent design, you find an Intelligent Designer!

Stem Genex (stem cell studies)

May God be blessed and Glorified through this whole process.....

Miraculous Healing

I have so many unanswered questions. I am always considering the ways of God and trying to know Him more. I love to watch people and try to relate to them. I wonder where they come from and what has happened in their lives to bring them to this point in life. I watch nature and try to connect with the great and beautiful gift of the wild. I watch. I listen. I learn and love all things created and give glory to the Christ who is the Great Creator. But this is where I get stumped the most, just when I think I understand more, the more I find I am at a loss for words. So this writing is in admittance that I do not know, but something that I am trying to learn. A pondering of the many why's, how's, when's, and what if's that go through my mind.

Why do I not see the miraculous healings in this land of America that I hear about in other countries? (I believe they happen, but I haven't seen them personally.) I have heard all about so many wonderful, miraculous things and yet here I am turning to science and Dr's. Now don't get me wrong. I've had some amazing recovery myself and I thank God for each and every blessed day. But what is holding us back? What is holding me back from receiving the miracle of healing that I know is available from a most powerful God. Is it all about me? Am I not just part of the elect, but part of the elite? Did Christ come for a few or for the world? Where do I sit this morning as I battle for my life? I am in great anticipation as I look at what lies ahead and in no way do I want to boast before the battle is won, but my soul is searching for those unanswered questions that are ever present.

"As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man who had been blind from birth. 'Rabbi,' his disciples asked him, 'why was this man born blind? Was it because of his own sins or his parents’ sins?'
'It was not because of his sins or his parents’ sins,' Jesus answered. 'This happened so the power of God could be seen in him. We must quickly carry out the tasks assigned us by the one who sent us. The night is coming, and then no one can work. But while I am here in the world, I am the light of the world.'” (John 9)

This happened so the power of God could be seen through him, but what if in our culture no one would see that power because of our over loaded hyper active culture. What if the healings would bring no credit to God? What if He just loves everyone and is calling everyone to heath and healing? (Not just the Elite!) What if part of my journey is for science to show that He is the Intelligent Designer and that through science, science is ever discovering His intelligent design.

Stem Cell research boggles my mind. We have within us these little cells that are made just for the repair of our bodies. They intelligently go out in search of what is hurting and they adapt to it and repair it. Amazing! That is a miracle within each and every one of us. Another interesting discovery is that when science tried to make an excuse for abortion and used the stem cells of these babies (Embryonic Stem Cell), many times they did not repair, but caused cancer. It is not in the taking of life, but in the giving of life and that life is in each and every one of us individually. We are the temple of the Most High God. If He loves the world, then why wouldn't He try and show Himself to everyone and not just the few!

I know that He came to me before I was "good". He showed me His love before I was ready to give up my life for Him. Am I so important that I cannot be a part of the healing in so many others lives who do not yet know Him. When I think of it that way, it takes the sting out of my heart. I am not part of the elite, but the elect. That elect is something offered to the whole world, not just the elite. So here I go on a very important part of my journey with MS, I have been accepted to be part of an Adult Stem Cell Research where they will take my own cells and place them back in me so that repair can start. I may not get a whole healing, but I can be part of something bigger and that will help the whole world see His power, His Intelligent Design, within each and every one of us. And that is worth it!

MY UTMOST FOR HIS HIGHEST

Until the whole world Hears!

Hope for Tomorrow

I've been sitting here this morning looking out my window into a world that often has brought me such pain, but this morning I have a new breath. I realize that I have a new hope. Not that I live in despair, but in the ever present reality of my MS. I've struggled, fought, scummed to, battled, and learned more than I really ever wanted to know about myself over these past 19 years. In my mind, my debilitating disease is ever present. Every time someone even mentions doing any kind of physical exercise, my mind goes to fear of, "what would I have to suffer if I did the same." My tears are always right behind the surface, in lament of the unknown. I have lamented more over my affliction than I really ever care to admit. Through the hope of this new day I can better see my hearts cry and my hearts healing.

Yesterday, my mom (She is my ever present warrior who is always searching for me when I am ever ready to give up!) called me and encouraged me to look at a web site on Stem Cell Therapy. I did and immediately filled out the candidate application form. I have no idea if I will even be selected, but my affliction and what I have learned through my suffering is worth sharing.

Paul wrote Philippians while he was in prison. It is often referred to as the book of joy and of rejoicing, but how can there be great joy while you are being held captive in chains that keep your hands from moving freely as you wish? Paul received his joy through the lives of others, the obedience demonstrated to him through Christ, and the hope for the future. 
You see today another shackle has been removed. Not that anything has changed, but I can see a little better about what has bound me. I live in fear. While trying to encourage others, I have a fear that is stopping me from moving forward and embracing the life to come. You see, when I think of the future, I don't really think of life, but of death, and how I am not going to be able to do things. While on one hand, this has pushed me to live more for today, but this has stopped me from being able to prepare for tomorrow with full hope and joyful expectation. I embrace today, but my tomorrows hold me captive. I live through the joyful expectations through others lives. I rejoice when I see my friends find faith and freedom through Christ. I can see their futures bright in front of them as they learn to walk through life without those ties that have bound them. I am ever encouraged, like Paul, when I see that through my life others have been led to a more abundant life in Christ. "I pray that your love will overflow more and more, and that you will keep on growing in knowledge and understanding. For I want you to understand what really matters, so that you may live pure and blameless lives until the day of Christ’s return. May you always be filled with the fruit of your salvation—the righteous character produced in your life by Jesus Christ—for this will bring much glory and praise to God." (Philippians 1:9-11)

I too, want to see what really matters.  What will bring me joy in the hopes of tomorrow? Is it that I am selected to have the stem cell treatment and that it works? Or is it that I can rejoice in my tomorrows even through the uncertainty of the unknown? I want to work with my husband, so I have been studying for my real estate exam, but my imprisonment has always held me back from fully embracing that future life. 
I thank God that I have sought Him and this relationship even through my bondage. I do not lament about the lessons that I have learned about myself during my imprisonment. Just here recently, I have discovered a new taste for life. I have always wanted to live a life of indulgence with food. I know a pretty pathetic example, but it is where I am. I just now embraced what is truly healthy for me. After a lifetime of indulgence and gluttony I have finally found freedom in taking care of me. "I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us." (3:12-14)

I can breathe a new breath this morning. Perseverance to grab hold of a future that has always been before me, but that I never dreamed I could grasp. It doesn't mean that everything will go accordingly as I hope, but I can at least find freedom in the future through that hope that has never really left me, but was just hidden because of the chains that weighed me down. Nothing has changed, only my perspective on life has been affected. What has bound you to this world? Is it your own self-centered view, like mine, that has kept you from embracing the hopes for the future? Are we so tied up within our own struggles that we cannot embrace others and find the true joy in their accomplishments? Can we see the ever preset lesson that we are the temple of the Most High God? Do we embrace that lesson with joy, or lament? Today, I can thank my God for the memories of yesterday and the hope for tomorrow.

"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done." Rejoice, Rejoice!  We really never know what tomorrow may bring.... So we may as well Rejoice in great expectation for a bright future with Christ, instead of lamenting when in reality we don't know anyways...

Bounds Burned by Fire

What are the ties that bind? What is it that traps us into thinking there is no other way? What is it that keeps us as a prisoner in our own little worlds?

In the book of Daniel we find the people overcome and taken prisoner. During this time of fear and chaos, God is still present and working. He is working to bring His people back to himself and to restore their hearts for Him. Daniel, Meshack, Shadrach, and Abendego are some of the remnants found that have not lost sight of God. They have been taken into King Nebuchadnezzar's palace where they would be taught the local customs and trained in their new ways. In their attempts to keep focus and to not be totally consumed with their imprisonment, they keep hold of their dietary requirements and ask to be excused from the kings lavish meals. This sets them up for success. Several years later the king builds a statue, a god to himself and commands that all shall bow down and worship. Daniel's three friends found themselves before the statue, but refused to bow to another god. This infuriated the king and he ordered them to be thrown into the furnace. "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God whom we serve is able to save us. He will rescue us from your power, Your Majesty. But even if He doesn’t, we want to make it clear to you, Your Majesty, that we will never serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up,” (3:17).
In a furious rage Nebuchadnezzar had the three men bound and threw into a blazing hot furnace. But, something amazing happened. When the king looked into the fire, he saw not three, but four men walking around. He called them to come out and examined the three men. The only things that were burned were their bonds. Not a hair was singed. Their clothes were not scorched, and they didn't even smell of smoke. (Daniel 1-4, what I have written does not encompass the whole of the story. Please read it for yourself.)

When we are faced with our own fire, there are three scenarios that can be taken from this story of old. Three scenarios that I wrote down years ago while listening to Beth Moore that I would like to share. Old lessons that are still teaching me new each day...
First, many times we are delivered from the fire and our faith is built. We may see an approaching disaster coming in our life and we are completely delivered. We may have the vision to see and we can learn what we need to without having to go through the hard times. Our faith is strengthened without the furnace. I know so many people who never even came close to the life that I once had, but yet they have maintained a very strong relationship with God. Their purity has kept them strong and their devotion seems to have never wavered. They were delivered from the fire.

Second, we are delivered through the fire. This is my example. I seem to have to learn the hard way. My most recent episode with God has been my MS. Of coarse, this is not a short term event (almost 19 years). This has been a lesson that has continually bound me in my own prison. Food, I can relate with this part of the story very well. In order to be able to function, I must eat a very strict diet. I loathed this for years. Every time I would see someone enjoy a bowl of ice cream, really any desert, anything with gluten, corn, potatoes, beans.... lets just say FOOD, I would throw myself a pitty party. I am supposed to keep a very tight reign on what is allowed to enter my body. If I don't, I find myself bound in a prison. My body just wont work. My legs no longer carry me. My hands no longer feed me. I discover I am bound by unseen chains that try and destroy me.

I begged God for years to heal me. I wanted my chains removed and I wanted to be able to live as others around me. I wanted to join the culture. Well, Thanksgiving my prayers were answered in a most unusual way. I Lost My Ability to TASTE! No joke, my taste buds were affected. Now this is what I have discovered. I can taste only what I am supposed to eat, everything else has lost its flavor. For example, my family recently went on a cruise, which I loved. During this time I tested my diet restrictions based upon what tasted good. I got desserts every night, but didn't really enjoy them. One of my all time favorites has been white chocolate. I got my white chocolate mouse ready to indulge, only to discover that I could taste nothing but the berries that were placed on top and that lined the bottom. My diet has not changed, but my hearts desire has.

Third, we may be delivered by the fire into His arms. I am not one that sugar coats anything. Sometimes, we are taken from this life into His arms through death. He is the author of life and He can choose to deliver us into His arms into an everlasting life, that through His resurrected life we are guaranteed to never see trials again. Often, it is not for the deceased to learn something, but for those left behind. Now is the time to ask, what are we to learn from this? Are we enjoying the life He has blessed us with? Are we living each day to the fullness of life offered? Or are we harboring a bitterness that has soured our enjoyment of life offered to us, all because we are unwilling to understand that each person here is a direct representation for us of the gifts we do have?

I am in great admiration of those who live their life gallantly for their Lord. We all know them, the ones who stand out during great fires, but seem to never loose their faith. Those that encourage us to live this life to the full, they are my hero's. Can you see your blessings through the fire? After you have been through the fire, do you understand that you are not singed and that you do not even smell of smoke? Who are your hero's? Are you a hero for others?

Are you Listening to God?

Are you being delivered from the fire, through the fire, or by the fire?